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Messages - Gabe Deem

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1
**Forum Rules-Guidelines-Suggestions** / Re: Banning!!!
« on: June 18, 2019, 10:38:53 AM »
Hey Nick, here you can find the forum rules: http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=6.0

2
Success Stories / Re: Successes Before 90 Days!
« on: May 19, 2019, 09:17:42 AM »
@CHLM
Quote
Never had successful intercourse (entire life) so would take the receptive position despite preference for other position

After approximately 75 Days

-Get erections during the day when I think about my partner

Thanks for posting man! So incredible to see such great improvement so fast. Congrats on 75 days. I really appreciate you posting and giving back to the community. Hope the best for you!

Much love and keep truckin  8)

3
Porn Addiction / Re: Relapse + Restart
« on: May 17, 2019, 09:30:14 AM »
Don't think of the relapse as a "failure," think of it as a learning experience. Remember what led you down the road to viewing porn and be mindful and redirect your behavior next time as early as possible.

and CONGRATS on 140! That is a huge accomplishment. Keep truckin, and hope for the best for you man.

4
Congrats on 1 year free! That is incredible, and it sounds like you're taking care of yourself and living a healthy life. As to your question of "how do we determine we are cured? Should you wait to see mental signs? These questions are answered here:

http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=70.msg370#msg370

Hope that helps. We've seen people need longer than a year and still recover. If you haven't already, read through the FAQ's and watch our videos for more tips and advice that may clear up some of your questions.

5
Porn Addiction / Re: Is Addiction actually a disease?
« on: April 24, 2019, 10:06:18 AM »
Consider that even the people who are addicted to the heaviest drugs can overcome their addiction by the exercise of will, friendship and accountability. Shouldn't this tell us something?

Are you familiar with the rat park experiments? Here is a good video about addiction which mentions it.

There are a lot of problems Johan's claims regarding rat park and addiction, discussed here:

https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/relevant-research-and-articles-about-the-studies/critiques-of-questionable-debunking-propaganda-pieces/commentary-on-everything-we-think-we-know-about-addiction-is-wrong-in-a-nutshell/

6
Porn Addiction / Re: Day 6 -Addiction
« on: April 24, 2019, 10:02:54 AM »
Hey @bar69,

Quote
Hello, Im on day 6, it's going quite rough, I want to watch, but know future will be better

Hang in there bro. You've made it 6 days...you can make it 6 more. If it helps here is a video I made on withdrawal symptoms during recovery and the science behind them. I also would recommend getting outside and offline, maybe print off an article or grab a book and head out to a park and read and take notes. This was one of my favorite things to do on tough days. Hope that helps. Much love

https://youtu.be/dxtQq0jBncc

7
Welcome to the Nation @revoetan! Sounds like you've done your research and understand the basics of the neuroscience of addiction and sexual conditioning. If you haven't watched it yet I have an advice video you could check out.

My advice is to spend a lot of time with real people in real social situations. And when you're online use your time to get educated on something, or print off articles and go read them at a park or something and take notes. Also, read , read, read, and take notes on what you find meaningful and important and applicable to your life and your life's story.

I also would help others occasionally, as you begin to learn more and more information, maybe post in other peoples journals and help them when possible or simply give encouragement. Having a purpose during the reboot such as "helping others with what I've learned" can be incredibly beneficial in the long run.

Hope the best for you! Much love

8
Ages 20-29 / Re: Journal
« on: April 08, 2019, 10:03:38 AM »
Hey @LeanAndBop

Welcome to the Nation! If you've been able to reach 3 weeks, you can do it again. Take it one day at a time. Each decision you make to steer yourself away from porn and to a healthier action, or thought, reinforces the circuitry around that decisions, making it easier and easier each time.

Small, articulated goals is a great idea. We all need a clear aim. Hope the best for you! Much love.

9
Porn Addiction / Re: delete your twitter
« on: April 07, 2019, 09:27:55 AM »
I am active on Twitter to engage in the mainstream conversation around porn addiction/porn's impact, and raise awareness. It isn't a place I'd recommend being during recovery, but if you do decide to use it I recommend making sure you follow accounts that are safe and will help in your recovery.

During my recovery I pretty much stayed off social media.

10
Porn Addiction / Re: Relapsed Last Night
« on: April 02, 2019, 07:30:02 AM »
@WoundedSparrow congrats on 5 weeks! You've done it once you can do it again. And you've gone 5... you can go 6. Hope the best for you! Much love

11
Porn Addiction / Re: I failed because of smartphone
« on: March 20, 2019, 09:40:08 AM »
Do you have to have a smartphone for work? If not, consider getting a dumb phone. There are filters you can put on your phone as well, several of them free. Also, consider posting in an accountability partner section for your age group.

Bottom line, if what your doing isn't working, do something different. Hope the best for you. Much love.

12
Success Stories / Re: Porn Reboot - Started 1/09/2018
« on: February 08, 2019, 09:08:39 AM »
Hey, Glad to have you on the Nation and hope the best for your recovery. However, this belongs in the journal section. What age group are you in?

13
Porn Addiction / LA area rebooters - Upcoming conference FEB 16/17th
« on: February 03, 2019, 10:12:49 AM »
Hey Rebooters,

I'll be in LA on February 17th speaking at the 30th Annual Sexual Compulsives Anonymous conference. I'm the closing speaker and I'll copy and paste my presentation detains below. There are several presentations all day Saturday and Alexandria Katehakis is opening up the conference Friday night. If you're interested I'll post the link for deets. Have a great porn-free day my peeps.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sunday, February 17th

10:00AM - 11:30AM, 30 min Q&A to follow

Gabe Deem
The Neuroscience of Porn Addiction and the Necessity of Fellowship


After hitting rock bottom in porn addiction, Gabe went searching for answers (step 1, 4). While on the road to recovery he stumbled across profound insights from the field of neuroscience, and found communities full of thousands of other people on the same journey. Inspired by their stories, and realizing the desperate need for accurate information, he will share his own story and insights in hopes of helping others. (step 11 & 12, and #5 SCA Tradition)

For info see: http://scalosangeles.org/events/convention/


14
Quote
And pass my data on to Gary Wilson if it will be helpful in any way.

I did my man. It has been posted on YBOP already... below is the link. Your story will help many! Thanks for giving back.

https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/rebooting-accounts/rebooting-accounts-page-3/age-43-pied-ended-on-day-265-of-quitting-porn/


15
J, This is incredible. I'm so happy for you and proud of you for trucking through the road to recovery and sticking with it.

Thank you for posting this. I know this will help many people by sharing this. Everyone needs to understand that their life has meaning, and if you start with yourself, and sort yourself out, then love on others and impact their life in a positive way, there is a ripple effect that can happen and it all starts with a realization that if you fix what bothers you, you can change the world. Like the ol' Michael Jackson song Man in the Mirror lyrics say: "if you want to make the world a better place take a look at yourself and make a change." Gahndi said it another way, "be the change you wish to see in the world."

I'm so glad to hear that I was able to help. It encourages me to keep doing what I can to raise awareness and share my story so I thank you for taking the time to post this and reach out to me. I hope nothing but the best for you, and for continued success on this journey.

Much love!

16
@changemylife No prob.

17
Porn Addiction / Re: Book Club!
« on: January 25, 2019, 11:19:39 AM »
After you have a good understanding of the Neuroscience from reading and studying Your Brain on Porn, I highly recommend The Slight Edge, I've historically been a skeptic of self-help books, and thought they were "cliche" and would "tell me things I already know." However, after just completing reading this book, I can tell you it articulates some really profound wisdom in a simple, concise, practical way.

It will help you start DOING, rather than THINKING about doing. Those are two entirely different things. As confucius put it: "Knowledge without practice is useless. Practice without knowledge is dangerous."

18
Porn Addiction / Re: Offtopic: the Wrong Kind of Woman
« on: January 25, 2019, 11:12:19 AM »
Has absolutely nothing to do with porn or recovery. Not the place Rich.

19
Hey Rebooters,
Wanted to share with you a great new podcast called AllHailKale Beat Your Brain. I was fortunate enough to be interviewed for it and got to explain some of the neuroscience behind porn addiction & sexual dysfunction around @23:30 mark.
Some other great info is in it and even a calming meditation exercise at the end you may find helpful to incorporate into your reboot.

Listen here if interested: https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/p06yq72t

Much love & hope everyone has a great day!

20
@yoie9411
Quote
How long does it take me to get out of this problem?

There is no set amount of time as everyone is different. Start by watching this video that explains the basics: https://youtu.be/z4yx4ouxGbQ

21
Porn Addiction / Re: If you haven't told anybody,...tell someone
« on: December 28, 2018, 10:40:47 AM »
I can't believe this thread has gone this way. Honestly baffled.

I didn't tell a single soul about my porn-induced ED/addiction until I was seeing recovery/recovered. Yes, telling someone, even after recovery, is liberating. Getting secrets off your chest and helping others is always powerful.

He came and gave advice. Tell someone. The same advice I give. The same advice Noah Church gives.... just about anyone who has recovered advises people to tell people as soon as possible, because we realize how powerful opening up to others is, and that we wish we would have opened up and told others sooner. 

This is similar to telling a championship winning coach who struggled for years before winning, who is giving advice to struggling coaches, that he should have followed his advice way back when he was struggling, and that his giving of advice sounds a little arrogant now... I mean FFS.. come on. "It's a lot harder to win a game when your still losing dude..." Or "Everybody loves a good championship story, but you should have realized and followed what would have helped you before you realized what would have helped you win sooner."

Melando & Nikola, we need to treat members better. And, while opinions are welcome, and sure you can point out that it is easier to tell someone about porn addiction after you beat porn addiction (which everyone already knows), it would be helpful if we encourage advice from people who believe they have something helpful to say.

@Remmington, Thanks for sharing bro and congrats on 9 months and being able to open up to others. Much love and keep truckin, you never know who needs to hear it is possible to beat this addiction and come out the other side and openly discuss it. Noah Church told me that seeing me openly talk about it encouraged him to come out with his story, and he has inspired thousands of others.... a ripple effect. Keep sharing bro :)

23
Porn Addiction / Great new article by Rob Weiss
« on: December 19, 2018, 01:51:09 PM »
We've long said on Reboot Nation that not all porn addicts had "pre-existing issues" that drove them to use porn, but rather developed "issues" after chronically using porn through their adolescence. I have good news, more and more therapists are starting to catch up to reality and acknowledge that "opportunity addiction" is a real thing.

YourBrainOnPorn.com first wrote about this back in 2011 here: https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/ybop-articles-on-porn-addiction-porn-induced-problems/the-porn-debate/porn-addiction-is-not-sex-addiction-and-why-it-matters-2011/

Which also links to my video presentation for the 2015 Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health conference titled Porn Addiction is NOT Sex Addiction: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m9n-hs83AsY

Well known sexual addiction therapist Rob Weiss recently wrote this piece acknowledging this new type of addict. This is great news that more and more therapists are realizing that porn can in fact cause problems, rather than porn use simply being the "symptom" of a pre-existing issue: https://blogs.psychcentral.com/sex/2018/12/digital-age-conditioned-porn-addiction-a-new-version-of-an-old-problem/

Keep truckin rebooters! Much love

24
Good to see well known sexual addiction therapist and author/speaker Rob Weiss acknowledge "opportunity addiction" as discussed above: https://blogs.psychcentral.com/sex/2018/12/digital-age-conditioned-porn-addiction-a-new-version-of-an-old-problem/

25
@ hockey ref So glad you listened to the podcast and found us. Congrats on 17! One day at a time.. there is no pit too deep you can't climb out of. And everyone here is either in the trenches or was at one point.

Glad to have you on the Nation. Not sure if you have yet, but here is a page with all my videos on advice and information we've learned about "rebooting" that you may find helpful: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCaEqbNJURD6ChROqueUdNuA/videos

Hope the best for you! Much love


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