Reboot Nation

Journals => Ages 20-29 => Topic started by: Berens on June 10, 2018, 04:48:57 PM

Title: I want to be inspiration for you
Post by: Berens on June 10, 2018, 04:48:57 PM
Hi, i am Berens, i am 24 years old. I will write things that i hope will be helpful for you. If i make it about you guys and not only about myself maybe i will find more meaning in doing this. Anyway, day 0. Tomorrow i will present some ideas on how can i avoid relapsing. Thank you if you are reading this :)
Title: Re: I want to be inspiration for you
Post by: Berens on June 11, 2018, 03:37:37 AM
Day 1
Ok, so i am going to ask myself few questions:
Am i in a place where i could relapsee?
Am i focused and do i know what i have to do?
Do i feel bored or like craving distractions/entertainment?

The goal is to always place myself in circumstances in which i can answer those questions correctly.
Small tip: don't take your well-being for granted. All the additional effort is worth of taking even if you don't feel that at this moment.
Title: Re: I want to be inspiration for you
Post by: Berens on June 12, 2018, 08:20:57 AM
Day 2
Done some pushups in the morning, taken cold showers and being all the time in environment in which i can’t possibly relapse.
Title: Re: I want to be inspiration for you
Post by: Berens on June 14, 2018, 03:00:48 AM
Day 4
I have been so busy that i have forget about reboot(brain)nation. Yesterday and today i go to MeetUp events (google it if you don't know what it is) to meet new people and have some social life. Human interaction is a great way to liberate oneself from addiction. Our addiction is proportional to our isolation.
Title: Re: I want to be inspiration for you
Post by: Berens on June 15, 2018, 08:40:14 AM
Day 5
I feel lonely and kind of desperate for human interaction. I think it's a good thing. I'll try to contact some friends and give them some attention and interest :).
Title: Re: I want to be inspiration for you
Post by: Berens on June 16, 2018, 04:50:15 AM
Day 6
Yesterday we have got a bit closer with one woman that i know and i now can't stop thinking about her. I do recognise that this is my sexual frustration that makes me think so much about her. I will just treat it as another urge and try to focus on something else.
Title: Re: I want to be inspiration for you
Post by: Berens on June 17, 2018, 12:24:58 PM
Day 7
I feel pain of regret, happiness and optimism.
Title: Re: I want to be inspiration for you
Post by: DocWashington on June 17, 2018, 02:32:41 PM
You're doing great, man! The first two weeks are always the worst, get through that and it'll be easier!
Title: Re: I want to be inspiration for you
Post by: Berens on June 18, 2018, 07:16:41 AM
Thank you Doc Washington. You're right.
Day 8
Today i was feeling more intense urges but i know how to deal with it, right?  8)
I am in a place where i can't possibly relapse.
I got things to do.
I feel optimistic about the future, all the effort i am putting today into the future is worth it!
Title: Re: I want to be inspiration for you
Post by: Berens on June 18, 2018, 12:09:00 PM
Day 8
I am thinking about Marnia's Robinson "Cupid's Poisoned Arrow" book, i have been reading it on and off for few last months and i about to finish it.
Title: Re: I want to be inspiration for you
Post by: Berens on June 18, 2018, 01:45:36 PM
Day 8
Today is a good day. It's a hard day from rebooting point of view but i will overcome this. In two days i go to sport event and in three days i go to public speaking event and on weekend i will meet with friends and being 10-11 days free will serve to make me feel more confident and comfortable. Everything is going well, i do progress in my life outside rebooting and that is what matters.
Title: Re: I want to be inspiration for you
Post by: Berens on June 19, 2018, 01:41:38 PM
Day 9
I feel tired but feeling tired is not an excuse to relax on rebooting. Also i feel bored but that won’t last forever. Abstaining from PMO and MO feels so good and is worthy the effort.
Title: Re: I want to be inspiration for you
Post by: Berens on June 20, 2018, 04:12:05 AM
Day 10
I feel strange, uncomfortable, sad. I feel like desiring a fantasy of being with a woman. And i think that craving to pornography come from that sexual fantasy. And the fantasy is not all about sex. It's about being loved and cared by a woman.
Title: Re: I want to be inspiration for you
Post by: Berens on June 20, 2018, 09:01:16 AM
Day 10
It's not easy. I should go to sleep earlier and eat healthier to have more energy and to feel better. That would definitely help with going through this day.
Title: Re: I want to be inspiration for you
Post by: Berens on June 21, 2018, 07:01:12 AM
Day 11
There is no way back. I get rid of everything that could hold me back.
Title: Re: I want to be inspiration for you
Post by: Berens on June 21, 2018, 10:07:28 AM
Day 11
Relapse is a fantasy that i want to believe in.
Title: Re: I want to be inspiration for you
Post by: Berens on June 24, 2018, 12:23:51 PM
Day 14
I feel bored but it is just my brain rebalancing. Life is more meaningful now and i don’t want to lose that.
Title: Re: I want to be inspiration for you
Post by: nofapturkiye on June 24, 2018, 02:38:18 PM
This is hard right  :)  Thats why it means something..
Title: Re: I want to be inspiration for you
Post by: Berens on June 25, 2018, 07:21:06 AM
Day 15
Laziness and comfort are enemies. To reboot successfully i have to push myself into a discomfort even if it just running for 5 minutes and 30 second of cold shower.
Title: Re: I want to be inspiration for you
Post by: Berens on June 25, 2018, 12:26:15 PM
Day 15
Today is an incredibly hard day for me. I have taken a cold shower today but i feel bored. I am going to focus on doing what needs to be done And i am going to think about the future. Thinking about the past and thinking about things that i regret can make me feel pessimistic about the future and see no meaning in rebooting.
Title: Re: I want to be inspiration for you
Post by: Berens on June 25, 2018, 03:43:17 PM
Day 15
What a strange day. I feel craving for dopamine which is getting out of control. I'll just go to sleep leaving my phone far a way from bed.
Title: Re: I want to be inspiration for you
Post by: Berens on June 26, 2018, 12:13:09 PM
Day 16
OMG, i can't believe how beautiful women are, and i don't desire them sexually but i want to connect with them in a friendly and empathetic way. Just make eye contact and smile and make her day. And weather is really cool. Love summer. I feel lucky to be alive.
Title: Re: I want to be inspiration for you
Post by: Berens on June 27, 2018, 04:11:28 AM
Day 17
I feel uncomfortable but those feelings come and go, i shouldn't treat them seriously. Those feelings are short term experiences and short term solutions won't work. I need to think in long terms. I haven't MO or PMO for 17 days and for sure that is going to make feel my body and my brain uncomfortable and maybe i will even have some different moods. But as taoist wisdom says: Acknowledge the desire and satisfaction will follow. So i do acknowledge how i feel right now so i can move on :)
Title: Re: I want to be inspiration for you
Post by: Reboot543210 on June 27, 2018, 06:38:47 AM
This journal is very inspirational! Your approach to this by making it about others instead of yourself is great
Title: Re: I want to be inspiration for you
Post by: Berens on June 28, 2018, 08:01:34 AM
Thank you, i appreciate your comment  ;)
Day 18
My social life is improving, people are responding more positively and are taking more initiative to talk with me. Also i feel more comfortable to say some joke or just say something in a group and just be spontaneous. Taking an effort on daily basis of cold shower, going out, spending as much time as possible in place where you can't relapse is definitely worth it. Actually if i think about this now, there is nothing that you couldn't do now to avoid a relapse. And reboot is not just about what you do but about a mindset. Mind free of fantasy. It works like this: Sexual fantasy > urge for dopamine > discomfort > arousal in the body > need to release the sexual tension from the body > relapse. You don't need sexual fantasy for anything. Sexual fantasy is justified only when you think about your partner and you know that the sexual fantasy will be made reality. I think that this is a healthy way: Connection with a woman > thinking about her > Connection with a woman. I think that with sexual fantasy we hypnotise ourselves into relapse.
Title: Re: I want to be inspiration for you
Post by: Berens on June 28, 2018, 02:06:20 PM
Day 18
I feel bored but i it won't last forever, brain is just rebalancing.
Title: Re: I want to be inspiration for you
Post by: Berens on June 29, 2018, 05:22:35 AM
Day 19
Wow!
I should take more care of my sleep habits, always go to sleep at the same hour and always wake up at the same hour because this week it was irregular and that is affecting negatively my self-
discipline. Also i should eat better.
Title: Re: I want to be inspiration for you
Post by: Berens on June 30, 2018, 04:00:31 PM
Day 20
Despite of sleeping only few hours at night i had energy whole day and i was active. What i do is meaningful. I still have to get rid of bad habit of surfing internet. You know what, i will get rid of it right now. What am i waiting for? When will i free myself from bad habits if not now? Let's count day 0 Surfing internet. Tomorrow day 1. Cheers
Title: Re: I want to be inspiration for you
Post by: Berens on July 01, 2018, 01:16:29 AM
Day 21
I am feeling great! Rebooting successfully won't come to you, you have to go and take it and when you do so you will realise that since always you had that self-control. Self pity is your worst enemy. Be optimistic! What you are doing is incredibly meaningful and all the effort will pay off. And i am telling you that while being on day 21 of rebooting. What will come in the future will be much greater but the reward is not for free. We must take the effort today, and i am going to happily take any effort it is required to be free and happy!
Title: Re: I want to be inspiration for you
Post by: Berens on July 01, 2018, 12:29:22 PM
Day 21
Quite a productive day. I haven't been surfing internet nor losing time. I am taking new challenges and setting a bar higher.
Title: Re: I want to be inspiration for you
Post by: Berens on July 02, 2018, 12:57:15 AM
Day 22
Life has got much more to offer than we can think. Because of using P for so long, we have lost our sight. We have been in a prison and have forgotten what it is to be free. Maybe we have never been free, but we can be. And all the effort to achieve that is worth it!
Title: Re: I want to be inspiration for you
Post by: Berens on July 02, 2018, 04:06:08 PM
Day 22
I have just allowed myself for few seconds to look at some picture that was not P nor nudity but it was making me feel aroused. I have realised what i was doing and have immediately stopped and came here to write about it. I will turn off my computer now to save myself from possibility of doing that again. Oh, and now i realise now that it was because i have clicked on some post on facebook. I shouldn't be on facebook in a first place. No surfing internet allowed!
Title: Re: I want to be inspiration for you
Post by: Berens on July 03, 2018, 03:50:30 AM
Day 23
In last 23 days i didn't had any wet dream. Today i had a dream that was not a wet dream but was sexual. And now i feel aroused. How should i deal with it?
First i am going to recognise my feelings, my thoughts and my fantasies. Next i am not going to identify with any of those. If i am having a sexual fantasy, i must recognise that i am not participant of that fantasy and whole fantasy will dissolve itself if i don't identify with it. Right now i am sitting and writing this post on my notebook and that is what is real. Fantasy is not real and will never be.
But i can feel arousal in my body, i have spontaneous erections and i feel like my skin would be more sensitive. What should i do?
So, i think that i should take control of my body and not have my body have control over me. I am going to take deep breaths and cold shower.
Another thing is that as i feel aroused i feel much more desire for women. I must be aware that i desire to look at women on the street and resist the temptation of doing so. I must just focus on something else, look somewhere else. It doesn't require that much self discipline and will power. It is not about forcing yourself to do something but just being aware of your temptations and not acting on them.
Title: Re: I want to be inspiration for you
Post by: Berens on July 03, 2018, 12:55:36 PM
Day 23
I will go to sleep in few hours. I have managed today's day well, despite feeling aroused and urges i could take back control over my mind and do no not escalate. I feel different moods but of course i am not going to identify with those and i will maintain my long term optimism. I am so happy that i have gone so far as 3 weeks without MO nor PMO.
Title: Re: I want to be inspiration for you
Post by: Berens on July 04, 2018, 02:51:10 AM
Day 24
Why do i want to reboot?
I want to reboot because i want to have control over my life.
I want to reboot because i want to get the most from my life.
I want to reboot because i want to date great women and be in a successful and happy relationship.
I want to reboot because i want to grow up and become more masculine.
I want to reboot because i want to make better use of my time.
I want to reboot because i want to respect myself and have a great future.
Title: Re: I want to be inspiration for you
Post by: Berens on July 04, 2018, 03:26:36 AM
Day 24
I don't want to write few posts a day but this is really helping me to resist temptations and go through hard times. I am convinced that soon i will go through some kind of threshold and the feeling of arousal won't be that intense anymore.
Title: Re: I want to be inspiration for you
Post by: Berens on July 05, 2018, 07:31:26 AM
Day 25
I have a headache, physical pain was always the worst trigger for me to relapse. But not this time, i won't allow any pain to break my will power and put me on my knees. I have decided that i am not going to relapse and that is my will and that is the most important thing for me and if i have to pay a price of experiencing pain without an instant relief then i will go through it because the reward is much much bigger and is definitely worth it.
Title: Re: I want to be inspiration for you
Post by: Berens on July 05, 2018, 09:13:46 AM
Day 25
Today is definitely the hardest and most difficult day from all past 25 days. I feel urge not only to relapse but also to feel a relief from the headache. It is really hard to maintain will power to continue. At this moment i am doing some minor tasks and trying to relax but i worry that if i relax, i will relax as well my will power which in consequence will make me less resistant to temptations. Somehow i will overcome this. I will go to sleep in 7 hours, somehow i will go through those 7 hours without relapsing.
Title: Re: I want to be inspiration for you
Post by: Berens on July 05, 2018, 01:08:17 PM
Day 25
The pained has ceased and actually i have been quite productive in that time. I feel really proud of myself because of not relapsing.
Title: Re: I want to be inspiration for you
Post by: Berens on July 06, 2018, 03:14:13 AM
Day 26
I have been rereading Marnia's Robinson Cupid's Poisoned Arrow book and that is setting my mindset in right direction. If i am achieving now success in rebooting that's because of this very book. I don't feel desire to have an orgasm at this stage of rebooting. What i need to do is get out of my comfort zone more and make many more female friends. I need more eye contact, emotional connection, hugging, laughing, having fun and do all those things without falling into the desire of using female's body to achieve sexual arousal or orgasm.
Title: Re: I want to be inspiration for you
Post by: Berens on July 07, 2018, 08:09:51 AM
Day 27
It’s not that i necesarly have urges to PMO but i catch myself having a mindset of “i have been rebooting for so long so now i can allow myslf to relapse”. It is a mistake to think in this way. PMO is not a reward but a penalty. To PMO in first place is a penalty for not having self discipline, for not dealing with emotions, for not dealing with relationships, for not having goals and purpose for life, for avoiding maturity, for not using time in a meaningful way etc. PMO is pleasurable prison. I don’t want to come back.
Title: Re: I want to be inspiration for you
Post by: Berens on July 08, 2018, 06:57:27 AM
Day 28
Everything is going well. I have a lot of energy and i am using that energy well. I don’t feel that bored anymore. Actually i find surfing internet boring. So many things are much more interesting and i don’t want to spend time doing other things. I feel like being on a new level. I don’t feel sexually frustrated either. I know now that orgasm itself is a problem as well and if i will pursue women to use their bodies to achieve orgasm, i won’t liberate myself from PMO.
Title: Re: I want to be inspiration for you
Post by: Berens on July 09, 2018, 01:23:13 AM
Day 29
Now that i have gone one month without relapsing, i will post on the forum not every day but just from time to time. I can’t name all the benefits that i experience. Lets say that i find my life worth of living now and that i see myself to be on a completely higher level in every aspect of my life.
Title: Re: I want to be inspiration for you
Post by: Reboot543210 on July 14, 2018, 11:01:56 PM
congratulations on completing one month! I hope you are staying strong and feeling good during the journey! Your posts have been very encouraging and refreshing to read during my journey
Title: Re: I want to be inspiration for you
Post by: Berens on August 29, 2018, 04:20:38 PM
Hi
I have been going through some hard time, i have relapsed and i must get back on track. Day 0, i am going to write here everyday, i don’t know for how long, for at least 90 days for sure. It is a mistake to take rebooting for granted when being few weeks in a row without relapsing.

I’ll just take few deep breaths to feel my body and get out from thinking for a moment.
Title: Re: I want to be inspiration for you
Post by: Berens on August 30, 2018, 01:00:47 AM
Day 1
Having a good sleep is really important as it defines how we feel during the day. I have began to sleep on my back without pillow, trying not to lie on my side. I have read it’s healthier for my back and the quality of sleep is different.
Title: Re: I want to be inspiration for you
Post by: Berens on August 30, 2018, 03:37:37 PM
Day 1
I go to sleep earlier. I have made some plans for tomorrow and for this weekend. Without having a plan it is much easier to slip. I feel optimistic about rebooting. I have created an account on this forum in 2014 and i am still not 100% successful. I can’t allow myself to make that fact demotivate and give up. I can’t change my past but i can change my future.
Title: Re: I want to be inspiration for you
Post by: Berens on August 31, 2018, 01:02:02 AM
Day 2
New day, new opportunity. I don’t want to spend time regretting having relapsed but to focus again on what’s important.
Title: Re: I want to be inspiration for you
Post by: Berens on August 31, 2018, 06:45:30 AM
Day 2
P, before it happens on the screen, it happens in your mind. If you can get out from your mind, so to speak, and focus on something else, feel your body, be aware of your arms, legs, neck, back, position that your body is in, the taste of the food, sounds that you hear right now, aware of your breath, then it will be easier to forget about dirty stuff.
Title: Re: I want to be inspiration for you
Post by: Berens on September 01, 2018, 12:38:54 PM
Day 3
In some way, I am the one that creates PMO addiction and urges. P is not directly imposed on me. There is a part of me that chooses it. Choose P over facing fears, over facing discomfort and unpleasant emotions. When i feel bored, i can overcome this boredom by doing something productive and fun. But that requires effort. Also i can take shortcut and watch P. There is the problem. That at some point I choose P over taking effort and overcoming resistance. But that's not deterministic. I can choose on daily basis, if I am going to give up or take effort. If I give up one day, it's a matter of days that i relapse. So taking effort now, in this present moment, is one of the pillars of successful rebooting.
Title: Re: I want to be inspiration for you
Post by: Berens on September 01, 2018, 03:08:27 PM
Day 3
Everyday is a kind of a challenge. But do we recognise that challenge in a first place? And it's meaning? What can I achieve in 1 day? In 1 day I am awake for more or less 16 hours. Can I challenge myself to do not distract myself for 16 hours? Can I challenge myself to focus on my work, on my body, on my breath, on my mind, on the beauty around me? Instead of looking for stimulation in form of surfing internet, P, youtube, videogames etc.
Title: Re: I want to be inspiration for you
Post by: Berens on September 02, 2018, 04:59:33 AM
Day 4
Good day to do some sport and make my body feel tired. It is a great opportunity to experience and feel the body. To find a balance between mind and body. That’s why I don’t listen to music while doing physical exercise, it distracts my mind from focusing in the body. And that idea is related to rebooting because P and sexual fantasy happen only in the mind. You can’t feel P or fantasy on your body. That’s why experiencing the body liberates you from urges.
Title: Re: I want to be inspiration for you
Post by: Berens on September 03, 2018, 10:20:44 AM
Day 5
This morning was hard. I was feeling tired and was having urges but taking a nap has solved the problem. Actually I have fall asleep when trying to meditate to clean my mind from any sexual thoughts. Now I am much more in self-control. That's why good sleep is so important. When we feel tired, we don't have that much self-control and it's easier to relapse.
Title: Re: I want to be inspiration for you
Post by: Berens on September 04, 2018, 04:56:58 AM
Day 6
P actresses are broken women who have nothing else to offer than their bodies. They don’t experience intimacy or love. They are only lust driven. They are unable to keep one man with them, unable of having authentic relationship nor raise children. They reject the idea of having a loving family. If men would be chosing women only because of their virtue, value, consciousness, empathy, self esteem then P actresses would be virgins for their whole life. There is nothing attractive in P actress except her physical appearance, which is also fake and exaggerated. We became addicted to P because we want to have an orgasm while experiencing a fantasy. P actresses are personification of our sexual fantasies. We don’t see women as they are but as we want to see them. We exploit P actresses because we want to satisfy our narcissistic desire of having an orgasm with fantasy.
Title: Re: I want to be inspiration for you
Post by: Berens on September 05, 2018, 06:33:52 PM
Day 7
I have to focus more. There are too many distractions. Today I have met some girl that i find attractive. I’ll probably see her next week and I will try to invite her on a date. I don’t want anything to stop me.
Title: Re: I want to be inspiration for you
Post by: Berens on September 06, 2018, 07:44:18 AM
Day 8
One week into rebooting and I feel more optimistic about life again. I feel like I am gaining control over my life and that I can change the circumstances that I am in. Also that I can change myself. Having that feeling is amazing. When being in relapsing cycle it feels like I can't change anything and that I am helpless. Such a negative illusion to be in.
Title: Re: I want to be inspiration for you
Post by: johnleesmith65 on September 06, 2018, 09:40:42 AM
Yes my friend.
If we won’t repress this sexual beast inside, it will keep robbing us our self esteem and confidence.
And it will give us anxiety and depression every time.
Stay strong.
Go for long stretch of time.
Title: Re: I want to be inspiration for you
Post by: Berens on September 06, 2018, 07:12:36 PM
Day 8

Something in my mind is holding me back as I still have sexual fantasies. And those make me have kind of brainfog and don’t allow me to focus. The mind seems to be like holding sexual fantasies and not allowing to liberate oneself from them, because of the sensation that they have value. Almost like it would be a lost to get rid of sexual fantasy. But I can only gain by cleaning my mind. Sexual fantasy is taking a lot of energy and concentration that i could use on other things.
Title: Re: I want to be inspiration for you
Post by: Berens on September 06, 2018, 07:23:43 PM
Yes my friend.
If we won’t repress this sexual beast inside, it will keep robbing us our self esteem and confidence.
And it will give us anxiety and depression every time.
Stay strong.
Go for long stretch of time.

Thank you for your comment. This is very interesting because the sexual beast is part of us, part of our psyche that we can’t get rid of. We have sexual energy and desire because of it and the negative aspect of it is that if we don’t acknowledge those sexual feelings and desires it’s then when we become dominated by the sexual beast. What is sexual beast actually telling us?
-Hi sexual beast, what do you want?
-Hi Berens, i want to have sex with a woman.
-I get it but I can’t just have sex with any woman, I want to be in loving relationship.
-It doesn’t matter to me, I must have sex.
-We must do it the right way, you have no regrets but my consciousness has.
-If you don’t listen to me then I will bring sexual fantasies to your imagination anyway.
-Ok ok, I don’t want to have sexual fantasies, I don’t want to MO nor PMO. How can we cooperate and get what we want?
-I’ll give you energy to pursue good women and to get into longterm loving relationship but you have listen to me when I talk to you, deal?
-Deal.

 :D
Title: Re: I want to be inspiration for you
Post by: Berens on September 07, 2018, 04:14:43 AM
Day 9
It is getting really hard, I have a lot of urges and my mind is so distracted and foggy that I can't even think about what to write here now.
You can't achieve sexual satisfaction with sexual fantasy. It's like eating grass and imagining that you are eating 5 star restaurant meal or watching someone else eating a great meal. You'll only get sick to your stomach, damage your health and confuse completely your brain and metabolism about what you should eat. Physical contact and sexual connection with a woman is the most natural need that we have. If we are limited to only look at women, look at videos of women or imagine them, our sexual drive is going to be distorted. It's like if we could only look at food and water without having the possibility of eating and drinking. It's painful that we are in such situation in a first place. But there are solutions to this and we can fix ourselves to experience very satisfying intimacy and bonding with a woman that we love. It is easier to me to look at women and hide it from the world than admit that i have sexual desires. It's like my sexuality have been repressed so much that i feel shame to even recognise that i am sexual human being. I think I will look for a psychologist/therapist, someone i could consult and someone who could guide me towards healthy sexuality.
Title: Re: I want to be inspiration for you
Post by: Berens on September 07, 2018, 09:48:01 AM
Day 9
I am definitely going through some kind of crisis now. And it's not a bad thing as the only thing that we know about crisis is that it is going to happen no matter what and that we can't avoid it. It's a great opportunity to grow and take good decisions to change the life for a better. We can't allow the crisis to dominate us. We have to take control over the situation and push into the right direction. 
Title: Re: I want to be inspiration for you
Post by: Berens on September 07, 2018, 04:17:29 PM
Day 9
Sometimes I just worry too much and look for short term solutions to the problems. Yes, i feel sexually frustrated but if I look for short term solutions what happens is that I end up relapsing. If i want to succeed i have to put everyday an effort and someday it will pay off. Hard work is cumulative and won’t go in vain. My life goal is to get married and have children. I want to have a successful marriage and want to have great relationship with my future children. PMO is great obstacle to achieve that.
Title: Re: I want to be inspiration for you
Post by: Berens on September 08, 2018, 05:01:10 PM
Day 10
It was a really good day today, just having a breakfast in a coffee shop and taking a walk made my day. Optimism is the idea that what we do is worth the effort and that we are going to achieve what we want to achieve. Rebooting is going to bring happiness and everyday of rebooting is definitely worth it! I feel grateful for everyday without PMO.
Title: Re: I want to be inspiration for you
Post by: Berens on September 09, 2018, 12:38:15 PM
Day 11
Boredom begins, brain is rebalancing itself. That's good, I am not going to spend my whole life stimulating my brain with worthless content. I have to live my life in a meaningful way and enjoy life.
Title: Re: I want to be inspiration for you
Post by: Berens on September 10, 2018, 07:20:50 AM
Day 12
Rebooting is boring. This boredom is not going to last forever. I'll just focus on doing what i have to get done, despite feeling so bored. Even things that were always entertaining to me seem to be boring and i can't focus on them for more than 20 minutes. But that's okay. Actually that's were i want to be. If i am going to be possessed by the will to entertain and stimulate myself, i will always end up escalating to PMO.
Title: Re: I want to be inspiration for you
Post by: Berens on September 11, 2018, 03:42:01 PM
Day 12
P is disgusting and it has got terrible consequences not only on us but on whole society and on children. P is so normalized in our society that we dont even recognise softcore P as P. Our generation doesnt even know what healthy sexuality looks like.
Title: Re: I want to be inspiration for you
Post by: Berens on September 12, 2018, 04:39:46 PM
Day 14
I really can’t allow myself a relapse. I have met some girl and i would like to invite her on a date and move forward. It is a big step for me to move from PMO addiction to dating. It is really important for me and i am very motivated.
Title: Re: I want to be inspiration for you
Post by: Berens on September 13, 2018, 03:33:16 AM
Day 15
How much of who we are is defined by a habit? Can we recognise how many things we do automatically on daily basis? If our life becomes so automatic that we feel helpless about having control over own our lifes, then we will want to escape from the routine. And P is an easy escape from automatic and uncontroled life. But we don’t have to escape from it but rather take control over it. It’s our lifes, who is going to have control over our lifes if not us? So, what can we do? First, we have to recognise the urges that we have for acting in an automatic way. For example if everyday in the morning I prepare a cappuccino, then I can recognise that I do it automatically and try something else this and next morning.
Title: Re: I want to be inspiration for you
Post by: Berens on September 13, 2018, 08:19:17 AM
Day 15
I have seen accidentaly an image that was triggering. I have inmediately experienced a brainfog and my mindset has changed. I began to have sexual fantasies. It is almost like I got possessed and ceased to be myself. I have observed on myself how quickly i could lose control overmyself.
Title: Re: I want to be inspiration for you
Post by: Berens on September 14, 2018, 07:08:49 AM
Day 16
I have to remind myself of how important it is to eat and sleep healthy. Those are really the basics. Yesterday i haven't eaten well and have gone to sleep little later. That already has altered how i feel today. I'll do some more sports, I'll go running today, even if it is just for 10 minutes. I am listening to audiobooks on scribd.com, which is cool because i am not only stimulating my imagination and learning new things but also i am engaging in some activity that helps to overcome boredom.
Title: Re: I want to be inspiration for you
Post by: Berens on September 14, 2018, 03:09:10 PM
Day 16
I feel really good and grateful to be alive. Tomorrow is Saturday, I’ll go in the morning to see the sunrise and read a novel in a coffee shop. I can allow myself once a week a little pleasure of having a coffee and cake. Does things really matter when it comes to rebooting. PMO addictions superstimulates our brains and because of it we become blind to beauty. World around us is beautiful but we don’t see it. We see only stimulation and comfort. When we reboot, we don’t regain erections but the perception of reality is changing as well. Changing for better.
Title: Re: I want to be inspiration for you
Post by: Berens on September 15, 2018, 06:26:32 AM
Day 17
Behind every great man there's a great woman. Women can be great inspiration and stimulation for us, to work hard towards meaningful goals, to create great art and build civilizations. But women in P? Those are vampires that are just taking our energy without giving anything back. We became addicted to exaggerated shapes of female body and to sexual fantasy. And people who create P are creating content to fit your deepest sexual fantasies to make you dependent on P. Our bodies take a lot of energy to produce semen. Semen that you lose every time you have an orgasm. P videos and images are not made for you to make you enjoy more your life. They are made to steal your attention. Pay attention on how many advertisements you see a young attractive woman, even when the product they sell has nothing to so with a women. Even on youtube thumbnails they place some attractive women only to make you click. How many decisions are we taking for ourselves and how many times we are just reacting because “female body”?
Title: Re: I want to be inspiration for you
Post by: Berens on September 16, 2018, 04:16:14 PM
Day 18
Today i have been talking with a friend about pornography. We have been talking about negative consequences of pornography on relationship between men and women, on children and on us as individuals. Having such conversations is really helping to liberate oneself from P because we can take different point of view. Also because when you talk about it with someone, P topic is not something you are hiding but something you face with another person, so to speak. It would be definitely easier for me if i would have someone years ago that i could talk about my addiction, psychologist, therapist or some mentor i trust. If i could go back in time, probably i would contact some psychologist via email or by phone and tell about my PMO addiction.
Title: Re: I want to be inspiration for you
Post by: Berens on September 17, 2018, 06:54:46 AM
Day 19
Monday...
Mondays are 1/7 part of our life. I feel grateful for Mondays. We take rest on weekends to start fresh on Monday. Lately i push myself more in work, to work more hours and to be more effective. I am overcoming some laziness. Also boredom that i have been writing about some days ago is not that problem anymore. Also optimism is a thing. I feel that all this effort in rebooting, in reading books, in taking care of myself, in journaling and in meeting new people is worth taking. It already is paying off as i am definitely doing better than i was doing months and years ago. But still great future is about to come.
Title: Re: I want to be inspiration for you
Post by: Berens on September 18, 2018, 03:48:50 AM
Day 20
I have got a trigger in a dream, so i have woke up aroused. When we grow, we face crisis. Crisis a threshold between where we are now and next level. It is when we overcome crisis that we grow. Rebooting is experiencing a crisis on daily basis, and when we move forward despite the burden of rebooting, then we grow.
Title: Re: I want to be inspiration for you
Post by: Berens on September 19, 2018, 02:35:50 AM
Day 21
Rebooting is an investment in a relationship. Quality of romantic relationship depends on how deeply we can connect with another person. When we reboot, we don’t only become more sensitive but we focus more on intimate connection. When we consume P, we perceive women as objects to achieve an orgasm with. I am single now, but I do rebooting not only for myself but for my future girlfriend/wife. And i am not talking only about sex aspects but about deep bonding and intimacy.
Title: Re: I want to be inspiration for you
Post by: Stiffy on September 19, 2018, 02:51:55 AM
That is the right mindset to have and I 100% share those views with you. Love is what makes this life worth living in my opinion and I desire nothing moreso than that.

 Great post and great reminder for myself. I’m glad that like-minded individuals such as yourself come here and share their thoughts and experiences. It makes a world of difference for me to come here and read everyone’s journal and update my own. So thank you. Congrats on 21 days, that’s awesome. I am looking forward to when I get to that point again. I’m about half way there.
Title: Re: I want to be inspiration for you
Post by: Berens on September 20, 2018, 03:31:35 AM
Thank you Stiffy, i can’t agree more with you. Also to add to what you have said, the more effort we put in rebooting, more love we feel for ourselves. The more we reboot, more we can love others and feel worthy of receiving love.
Day 22
Tonight i had very interesting dream that i think is worth of sharing. Briefly, i was traveling in a train and there was a blonde woman that i have seen in P. She was seating in front of me and she was talking very loudly with other people. I have moved to another side of the train car so i could not see nor hear her. But later she moved to seat in front of me again. So i have engaged in conversation with her. I have asked her, that i know she is P actress and that if i can talk with her about something. I have seat closer to her and have told her that my life goal is to have a family and children. And my question was what are the characteristics of women like you so i can avoid women like you when dating. This is when my dream has ended. And i have realised something important because of having this dream. When we are addicted to P, we perceive P actresses and attractive women in general as someone that is suprior to us, we place them on a pedestal. They are having sex, we don’t, so they are better. And we feel lust for them that we can’t satisfy. But the truth is that when we work on being honest with ourselves, on gaining self-control, on knowing what we want from life, of our friendships and on what is really important and meaningful to us, then we are on such high pedestal that a P actress looks like an ant from our point of view. Why? Because she went the easy way for quick money and she has sold her possibility of loving and having a family. In my dream i have asked her who are you so i can avoid you as much as i can. If i would do that in real life, i can only imagine the shame that she would feel for herself.
Title: Re: I want to be inspiration for you
Post by: Berens on September 21, 2018, 01:51:55 AM
Day 23
Tonight i had a wet dream, which is a good thing. On short term it is annoying because i feel more tired and aroused. But it is some kind of relief. Months ago i have bought Cupid’s poisoned arrow book by Marnia Robinson. I have finished reading it time ago but i still go back to it an read some of the chapters and highlighted parts. This books was definitely a good investment.
Title: Re: I want to be inspiration for you
Post by: TheGreenWizard on September 21, 2018, 04:13:33 AM
Day 23
Tonight i had a wet dream, which is a good thing. On short term it is annoying because i feel more tired and aroused. But it is some kind of relief. Months ago i have bought Cupid’s poisoned arrow book by Marnia Robinson. I have finished reading it time ago but i still go back to it an read some of the chapters and highlighted parts. This books was definitely a good investment.

Congrats. Just a few more days and you are hitting 1 month which is pretty badass. Keep at it and stay strong. I've personally just started and it's been 10 days for me. It hasn't been easy but you definitely learn a lot about yourself with this process.
Title: Re: I want to be inspiration for you
Post by: Berens on September 21, 2018, 08:03:26 AM
Thank you Green Wizard, i really appretiate your feedback. I have just been thinking on how much our success in rebooting is dependent on cooperation in this rebooting community. If i would be writing posts only for myself then probably it wouldn’t had that much influence on me. Thank you all!
Title: Re: I want to be inspiration for you
Post by: kopp on September 21, 2018, 10:29:09 AM
Congrats. Just a few more days and you are hitting 1 month which is pretty badass. Keep at it and stay strong. I've personally just started and it's been 10 days for me. It hasn't been easy but you definitely learn a lot about yourself with this process.

Thanks for bringing the word "process". That is what it is. I love the idea :  during the process I become a better person.

I'm not trying to abstain from fapping just because "porn is bad", I'm doing it because when I do, I have more energy, more ambition, I'm happier, people enjoy being around me more... And as you said I learn a lot during this process.

I wish you all a lot of success
Title: Re: I want to be inspiration for you
Post by: Berens on September 21, 2018, 11:05:05 PM
Thank you Kopp, you are absolutely right, it is a process. Process that require a lot of patience.
Day 24
Another wet dream. Marnia Robinson’s book differentates between two ways of sexual relationships: mating and bonding. Mating is when we want to experience an intense orgasm with a woman. Bonding is when we want to connect on deep emotional and intimacy level. Rebooting allows us to change from mating behavior to bonding. It is a change in a mindset. I am single now but when i will be in relationship i will continue rebooting so to speak, as i will avoid having an orgasm for the sake of deeper connection with a partner.

Also one thing worth mentioning at this point, one of the biggest benefits i notice after few weeks of rebooting is ability to maintain strong eye contact.
Title: Re: I want to be inspiration for you
Post by: Berens on September 22, 2018, 05:04:43 AM
Day 24
Don’t imagine yourself having an orgasm or having an intercourse that would lead to an orgasm. Imagination plays big role in MO. Without imagination there would be no PMO. P is more about fantasy than about beauty of female body itself. You can use imagination to help you instead of being a burden. If you imagine just holding a hand of a woman that you would love and feel fulfillment in that, it will be additional motivation to reboot and subconscious mental powers will come to help you to bring that to reality. It’s a change in the mindset.
Title: Re: I want to be inspiration for you
Post by: Berens on September 22, 2018, 04:23:15 PM
Day 24
There is a demon calling my door. When i PMO, he goes away but after some time he always comes back. When rebooting, there is no way to make him go away. At some moment he just hold the ring button, it becomes so annoying that i just have to open the door. When i open the door he enters, but he is not alone, there is whole family of demons. Demonic children screaming like from horror movie and running around destroying everything. His wife that seem to come from hell itself. Medusa from greek mythology looks nice next to her. They are in my home. I have to face them and confront them as they will live with me since now. I don’t like them at all. They bully me laughing at my weaknesses. They make me doubt who i am and how i live. If i could just use magic wand, avadakedabra, PMO and they would disappear. But that is not an option. I can’t kick them out of my house. Earlier everything was easier. I would just PMO and wouldn’t hear demons, my demons calling my name. That’s exactly how i feel now. There are demons in my room. What i can do is to learn to live with them. I feel lost and i am going through some kind of crisis. I can find myself. I can do even more, I can create myself. Overcoming doubts and crisis always brings the sensation of meaning and control over one’s life. And this is what going through rebooting is. There are demons now in my home but it is still my home, my little kingdom.
Title: Re: I want to be inspiration for you
Post by: Berens on September 23, 2018, 03:52:28 AM
Day 25
At this stage of rebooting I will have to begin to plan what I want to do with all this time and energy. From time to time it’s good revaulate one’s own life. The question is how do I want to live my life? What do i want to experience? I have done months ago self-authoring program by Jordan Peterson. Maybe i can do it again, i am in different stage of life right now. Rebooting makes you have more control over your own life and over your actions. So we have to make a good use of it. Time ago i would just act compulsively. Now i have to decide what to do and sometimes i can just feel lost and not know what to do.
Title: Re: I want to be inspiration for you
Post by: Berens on September 23, 2018, 02:51:38 PM
Day 25
I feel like i want to escape, like i need some holidays far away from where i am. It is like some kind of tension that has to be released. Probably PMO releases a tension, not only sexual but also emotional. But tension has to be released in a healthy, conscious and controlled way. I am considering therapeutic massage to relax and release stress and muscular tension from the body. Marnia’s Robinson book Cupid’s poisoned arrow talks about how the touch is relaxing and healing.
Title: Re: I want to be inspiration for you
Post by: Berens on September 24, 2018, 02:49:05 AM
Day 26
I have to remind myself of how important it is to eat and sleep well. In last 3 days i have been feeling very tired constantly. Which made me drink more coffee which is not very good either as later at night i feel my heart beating fast and i can’t fall asleep. I am thinking about love and intimacy. And i recognise how desperatedly hungry i feel for love, for intimacy, for emotional relationship, for having someone who would take some care of me. And also, how much i need someone i could love. When there is that gap in one’s chest, it is very tempting to fill it with anything, be it P or hook ups, or drugs or anything. It doesn’t feel good to write it but it’s much better than not feeling anything. And the optimistic part is that we can change.
Title: Re: I want to be inspiration for you
Post by: Berens on September 24, 2018, 07:42:50 AM
Day 26
I have relapsed  :'( :'( :'( :'(
I have been like hypnotized. I am crying. I can't handle this addiction. I have registered on this forum in June 10, 2014. Now we are in September 24 2018. I can't do it alone. I will look for psychologist/psychotherapist, whoever who can really help me. 26 days without MO and PMO is a good result, but i must overcome this forever. PMO is destroying my life. I feel such a shame for my sexuality. I just can't stop crying. I just don't know what to do anymore. I desire so much to be in a loving relationship and to experience intimacy. If i have promised to be an inspiration for you, then i can't give up. I have fallen but now i get up and I won't give up until i will be free. I am not going to allow P to beat me down. I am going to win. It is my damn life and it belongs to me, not to P. I am going to become healthy. I am not going to live my life in knees. There is no way. I feel shame right now, i feel like must hide from the world. I am not going to do so. I am vulnerable because i relapsed but i won't allow even a relapse to make me have doubts about myself. I can stand on my own two feet and walk forward with confidence, even if i fall. I should have started my day in totally different way. Instead of complaining about feeling tired and week, i should get up earlier, do some exercises, eat a good meal and work. I have been just losing time.
Title: Re: I want to be inspiration for you (Day 0)
Post by: Berens on September 25, 2018, 05:49:26 AM
Day 1
I feel like I have to do more additional things than only writing a joirnal here on daily basis.
Title: Re: I want to be inspiration for you
Post by: Berens on September 26, 2018, 01:59:47 AM
Day 2
After a relapse i have felt a certain relief. There must be some way to release a tension without relapsing.
Title: Re: I want to be inspiration for you
Post by: Berens on September 27, 2018, 12:49:17 AM
Day 3
Actually 26 days was a good result and now i notice more success than failure about it.
Title: Re: I want to be inspiration for you
Post by: Berens on September 27, 2018, 02:40:29 AM
Day 3 > 0
I have relapsed again in the morning. I am a bit down now, in a crisis. I must forgive myself those relapses. I have been thinking about how much it is a habit in our minds to be afraid and to stimulate ourselves with sexual fantasy. If we have been doing it since childhood, it will be a habit that will control our life. We can brake from this habit by recognising it.
Title: Re: I want to be inspiration for you
Post by: kopp on September 27, 2018, 03:34:13 AM
Remember it's a process and you're doing good about it

How are the other areas of your life? That's the important part
Title: Re: I want to be inspiration for you
Post by: Berens on September 28, 2018, 02:23:26 PM
Day 1
How are the other areas of your life?

Other areas of my life are quite good, i have done a lot of progress in my life and it is noticeable. I am overcoming obstacles and growing on regular basis.