Reboot Nation

Journals => Ages 40 and up => Topic started by: Totte on April 19, 2018, 01:09:43 PM

Title: A new start (Alea iacta est) 52y
Post by: Totte on April 19, 2018, 01:09:43 PM
Hi all!

I am a 52-year-old man on my way to 53 I am married to my love “P”, now for 23 years and still counting. I have a great work that I love, good work friends so should live my life fully, but I don’t something is lacing. For a long time, I thought my problem started whit my performance problem in the bedroom. This performance problem started about few to sex years ago, I have always made my wife happy in bed, even when my problem started I found other solutions to get it to work. We have always had a good relationship in and out of bed. I now know this problem started long before this period.
My porn us started wherry young, it started when I found a porn-magazine in my brother’s wardrobe. Why was I in my brother’s wardrobe, it was pretty innocent just hanging clothes that my mother asked me to do. This was the start of using porn about 13 to 14 years of age. This magazine I found has now gone to using internet porn, true videos and then in to internet porn. The use of internet porn has then gone true starting to want to explore alternative like transsexual, BDSM and so on. After a life time with having porn at my side it escalated when our boy came in to our life, basically all activity stopped because he was and still are a difficult child (will not get in to that, it has nothing to do with my porn addiction). I used porn more and more because we didn’t have a chance to have sex. Now many years later I am here to get better.
When I saw the signs that I got iterated on my wife for no good reason I did understand there must be something wrong, I still love her, but I can’t get turn on any more. Then I contacted the healthcare and the gave me Sildenafil well it helped little, but I fast understand that problem is else ware. Finding out about PED I know now I am a porn addict.

My name is “T” and I am an internet porn addict and I want to get better.

A quote that I live and think about sometime.
“Not everything that counts can be counted,
and not everything that can be counted counts.”


Using DayCount
I will try to answer this 2-3 times a week.
Did I use porn today?                         
What were my triggers?                     
How did I soothe my anxiety or stress?
What am I grateful for today?
Sorry for my bad English its not my nativ…

Good links
https://www.jordangrayconsulting.com/2015/07/how-to-overcome-performance-anxiety/


Quotes:
We shall go on to the end, we shall fight in France,
We shall fight on the seas and oceans,
We shall fight with growing confidence and growing strength in the air, we shall defend our Island, whatever the cost may be,
We shall fight on the beaches,
We shall fight on the landing grounds,
We shall fight in the fields and in the streets,
We shall fight in the hills;
We shall never surrender, Winston Churchill
Title: Re: Alea iacta est 52y
Post by: Totte on April 20, 2018, 02:19:42 AM
Day2:
Started with me tripping but i did not fall.
I will try to answer this questions 2-3 dy's a week.

•   Did I use porn today?                         No
•   What were my triggers?                      Good looking woman
•   How did I soothe my anxiety or stress? Picturing my wife and me together
•   What am I grateful for today?               That all of you on this site sharing
Title: Re: Alea iacta est 52y
Post by: Totte on April 21, 2018, 01:53:42 AM
Day3
Relapse
Am I supposed to start counting from zero now?

Ooooo just watched Marco Polo and my D started to get hard.
One erotic scene a eastern woman started to have sex with Marco Polo.
Is this good?
Title: Re: Alea iacta est 52y
Post by: Marco60 on April 21, 2018, 10:42:22 AM
Day3
Relapse
Am I supposed to start counting from zero now?

.....
I would do so, Tom. If you saw the video about the theory underlying reboot, the idea is to break the release of Dopamine stimulated by porn, force the hypothalamus to forget about the artificial stimulation by letting our brain to forget about porn. This would allow the brain to learn again about "normal" erotic stimulation through seduction etc.  Thus we all should really forget anything coming from videos etc. Obviously, we are surrounded by erotic images in advertisements etc., and those we can not avoid to be exposed to.
Title: Re: Alea iacta est 52y
Post by: JedClampett on April 21, 2018, 08:38:53 PM
Marco60:

Good one.  I might add that when we fail, we can still use that failure to be a better person and be
more likely to over-ride those problems the next time.  What I mean is each of those 10 or 20 or 30 days
without PMO is not a waste at all.  It's a chance to get to where we want to be as far as normal stimulation goes.
Title: Re: Alea iacta est 52y
Post by: Marco60 on April 22, 2018, 01:41:47 AM
Marco60:

Good one.  I might add that when we fail, we can still use that failure to be a better person and be
more likely to over-ride those problems the next time.  What I mean is each of those 10 or 20 or 30 days
without PMO is not a waste at all.  It's a chance to get to where we want to be as far as normal stimulation goes.
Absolutely true Tom! I only can add that indeed reboot works: I have almost forgotten the porn videos I used o see every day , and when I have fantasies (often early morning, before I stand up), I imagine real situations with women I have been with, rather than those videos, something which I would had not believed before starting reboot.
Title: Re: Alea iacta est 52y
Post by: Totte on April 22, 2018, 04:02:14 AM
Marco60:

Good one.  I might add that when we fail, we can still use that failure to be a better person and be
more likely to over-ride those problems the next time.  What I mean is each of those 10 or 20 or 30 days
without PMO is not a waste at all.  It's a chance to get to where we want to be as far as normal stimulation goes.
Absolutely true Tom! I only can add that indeed reboot works: I have almost forgotten the porn videos I used o see every day , and when I have fantasies (often early morning, before I stand up), I imagine real situations with women I have been with, rather than those videos, something which I would had not believed before starting reboot.

Marco60:

Good one.  I might add that when we fail, we can still use that failure to be a better person and be
more likely to over-ride those problems the next time.  What I mean is each of those 10 or 20 or 30 days
without PMO is not a waste at all.  It's a chance to get to where we want to be as far as normal stimulation goes.

Thanks
Yes i agree to start to fade the images of porn and start see how it should be. its not a fail, its one step closer to the goal. i go from PMO 1-2 times a day to one time in 3 days its a step closer.
This will give me one less cause for anxiety. I am very glad i have you here to read and discus this with. 

I started to us this app DayCount
Added 4 counters
Start reboot                      =4days
Fantasy of women i meet   =1days
Days no PMO                    =0days (2/3 of a day)
Days no just MO               =0days

Any more counter i should have?

Title: Re: Alea iacta est 52y
Post by: Totte on April 22, 2018, 08:10:27 AM
Don't know if this is an improvement!

But to day was out and saw several good-looking women and userely my fantasy starts when i see them.
But to day i just saw them and cud just thing she is beautiful and it ended there.
Not going in to fantasy in my mind, is an improvement i think.

T

Title: Re: Alea iacta est 52y
Post by: Marco60 on April 23, 2018, 01:30:58 AM
Don't know if this is an improvement!

But to day was out and saw several good-looking women and userely my fantasy starts when i see them.
But to day i just saw them and cud just thing she is beautiful and it ended there.
Not going in to fantasy in my mind, is an improvement i think.

T
I am not sure I understand what you want to say, Tom: did you get excited when you saw a nice-looking woman, as you did when you had no PIED? This would be an improvement!
Title: Re: Alea iacta est 52y
Post by: milogasker on April 23, 2018, 02:21:15 AM
Don't know if this is an improvement!

But to day was out and saw several good-looking women and userely my fantasy starts when i see them.
But to day i just saw them and cud just thing she is beautiful and it ended there.
Not going in to fantasy in my mind, is an improvement i think.

T
I am not sure I understand what you want to say, Tom: did you get excited when you saw a nice-looking woman, as you did when you had no PIED? This would be an improvement!

I get this.... I'm only 10 days in but I used to look at attractive women in the street and imagine what I could be doing with them, a very lustful / wanting feeling.  Now I'm finding that I just view them as attractive people and that sexual lust is not nearly as strong. I'm hoping that after a few weeks more this will be quite a normal thing and I will never again look at women as sex objects.


Title: Re: Alea iacta est 52y
Post by: Totte on April 23, 2018, 09:11:17 AM
Don't know if this is an improvement!

But to day was out and saw several good-looking women and userely my fantasy starts when i see them.
But to day i just saw them and cud just thing she is beautiful and it ended there.
Not going in to fantasy in my mind, is an improvement i think.

T
I am not sure I understand what you want to say, Tom: did you get excited when you saw a nice-looking woman, as you did when you had no PIED? This would be an improvement!

I get this.... I'm only 10 days in but I used to look at attractive women in the street and imagine what I could be doing with them, a very lustful / wanting feeling.  Now I'm finding that I just view them as attractive people and that sexual lust is not nearly as strong. I'm hoping that after a few weeks more this will be quite a normal thing and I will never again look at women as sex objects.

Yes exactly like it have been looking at a women as a sexual object not as just a beautiful woman.
Title: Re: Alea iacta est 52y
Post by: JedClampett on April 23, 2018, 02:16:17 PM
Tom65:

Every day without PMO helps us improve our mind for sex.  We will be able to concentrate at the task at hand
rather than having to resort to fantasizing.
Title: Re: Alea iacta est 52y
Post by: Totte on April 24, 2018, 06:03:08 AM
Day 6 since reboot
Day 3 PMO
Now let’s make my next goal
Day 10 from reboot from start
and day 7 no PMO

4 days this evning I will go and do workout!

T
Title: Re: Alea iacta est 52y
Post by: Marco60 on April 25, 2018, 01:57:15 AM
You are on the good path Tom : do not give up! NEVER  :) !
Title: Re: Alea iacta est 52y
Post by: Totte on April 25, 2018, 03:10:08 AM
You are on the good path Tom : do not give up! NEVER  :) !

Thanks I do feel the boost you all give me
Thanks

Btw found a link some my have us for
https://www.jordangrayconsulting.com/2015/07/how-to-overcome-performance-anxiety/

T
Title: Re: Alea iacta est 52y
Post by: Totte on April 25, 2018, 10:18:06 AM
Bad day to day!
I by mistake ended up on a dating site and when I did go off that site a webcam site started.
I ended up seeing a few min this was not fun feel sad now.

Have this ruined my progress?
Btw no PMO

T
Title: Re: Alea iacta est 52y
Post by: Alex48 on April 25, 2018, 03:04:08 PM
I don t think so! I would not put my counter to zero if it is as you tell it. Do not discourage or punish yourself. I think it's more encouraging to think that you did not fall to PMO, even in front of the cam.
Title: Re: Alea iacta est 52y
Post by: Totte on April 25, 2018, 07:24:50 PM
I don t think so! I would not put my counter to zero if it is as you tell it. Do not discourage or punish yourself. I think it's more encouraging to think that you did not fall to PMO, even in front of the cam.

Thanks
That is good to hear, if you put it like that it’s good that I didn’t end up doing PMO.
Thinking in a positive way is creating a positive feeling. I know this but felt horrible after seeing a few min.
T
Title: Re: Alea iacta est 52y
Post by: Alex48 on April 25, 2018, 09:19:03 PM
Yes I understand. It seems to me, because it happened to me, that it is more the fear of falling back, that it really happens. I understand that it is also like playing with fire, that is why the need to eviate it. But I do not think we should go back to zero. But one thing is true, we must not treat ourselves badly, but we must be strict in what we do, like the ex-smoker who knows that if he gives a single puff he will smoke again hehe. What works for me is knowing that I am recovering my sex life little by little.
Just a humble opinion!
Title: Re: Alea iacta est 52y
Post by: Totte on April 26, 2018, 07:11:44 AM
Yes I understand. It seems to me, because it happened to me, that it is more the fear of falling back, that it really happens. I understand that it is also like playing with fire, that is why the need to eviate it. But I do not think we should go back to zero. But one thing is true, we must not treat ourselves badly, but we must be strict in what we do, like the ex-smoker who knows that if he gives a single puff he will smoke again hehe. What works for me is knowing that I am recovering my sex life little by little.
Just a humble opinion!

I think that it’s so strange that you know what to do and you don’t.
It’s like you want to fail but you know that you not supposed to.
When I was a child and my mother made cookis, she said take only tree, did I well a few days later there was no Cookiie’s. And then I denied that i took them, I did know by heart that she knows. Any way I denied it was me. I did know I was wrong and did it anyway.
T
Title: Re: Alea iacta est 52y
Post by: Alex48 on April 26, 2018, 09:48:40 AM
You're so right! I think it is part of our human nature !!! And here we are, after having exceeded more than healthy and having to take more rigid attitudes with ourselves, to get out of this situation.
For me, today is like having to decide between two paths, a good sex life or PMO, because both are not reconcilable. What makes me angry sometimes is that I think: there must be many men who do PMO and do not have this problem !!! hehe But hey, we've probably tugged too much on the rope!
I hope you understand my English! it is not my native language
Title: Re: Alea iacta est 52y
Post by: Totte on April 26, 2018, 03:53:12 PM
You're so right! I think it is part of our human nature !!! And here we are, after having exceeded more than healthy and having to take more rigid attitudes with ourselves, to get out of this situation.
For me, today is like having to decide between two paths, a good sex life or PMO, because both are not reconcilable. What makes me angry sometimes is that I think: there must be many men who do PMO and do not have this problem !!! hehe But hey, we've probably tugged too much on the rope!
I hope you understand my English! it is not my native language

It’s perfectly understandable for me! Your English
And there will be relapse under the reboot.
T
Title: Re: Alea iacta est 52y
Post by: Totte on April 27, 2018, 03:58:44 PM
Day 10 of reboot
And day 7 no PMO
It have been a hard time
Did get a mail from some sort of spam and a picture of a lady’s legs and I did get hard.
Well it was only legs in the picture so I guess I can see this as an improvement geting hard of only a picture.
T
Title: Re: Alea iacta est 52y
Post by: Totte on April 27, 2018, 11:33:18 PM
Now I am struggling there is so many feelings and urges that running inside me.
Like I wrote in another post in the forum!

“Like I did this morning had a dream (not a porn) about a woman I meet (before my wife) and the sensual relationship we had. And we never made it in to having sex.
This is normal to think and dream, now I need to NOT take the substitute and watch porn even that my body just screame do it do it. Wife is sleeping and I am wanting to put on the pc and.....”

If I can get true this day I think I can make it.
How do you others endure days like this?

Really Struggling
Title: Re: Alea iacta est 52y
Post by: Totte on April 28, 2018, 07:12:46 AM
Now I am struggling there is so many feelings and urges that running inside me.
Like I wrote in another post in the forum!

“Like I did this morning had a dream (not a porn) about a woman I meet (before my wife) and the sensual relationship we had. And we never made it in to having sex.
This is normal to think and dream, now I need to NOT take the substitute and watch porn even that my body just screame do it do it. Wife is sleeping and I am wanting to put on the pc and.....”

If I can get true this day I think I can make it.
How do you others endure days like this?

Really Struggling

Confession I just feel! I made it to one week!
And now I will make it longer, this is not a failure it’s a step closer!
One week made me have morning hard-on.
That’s positive! I refuse to see this negative.

Keep on and take one step at a time to the goal.
T
Title: Re: Alea iacta est 52y 10 day Rebooting 0day PMO.
Post by: atpeace on April 29, 2018, 08:13:10 PM
Tom

Thanks for this journal. I just read through it and it sounds like you are making good progress. I hope that I will be able to report that I have made it through a week!
Title: Re: Alea iacta est 52y 10 day Rebooting 0day PMO.
Post by: Totte on April 29, 2018, 11:59:47 PM
Tom

Thanks for this journal. I just read through it and it sounds like you are making good progress. I hope that I will be able to report that I have made it through a week!
We will!
Let’s make it!
I started meditation and I found out that it works if you give it a real try.
And I was one of the biggest skeptics about meditation, try it it can’t hurt.
Using app Headspace and do 3min meditation!
Hang in there and don’t see things negative one step at a time tiny or big don’t matter only forwards.
Tom65
Title: Re: Alea iacta est 52y 10 day Rebooting 0day PMO.
Post by: Totte on May 03, 2018, 11:02:10 AM
Do I feel better when I done some PMO? No not really!
Then why do I do it?
As you can se I fell, this is not a prevarication! But my fathers is in hospital and I been really stressed over this situation. Well I need to know how to handle this kind of stress.
So report now 15days and restart my counter.

T

————————-
Reboot.        Day 16
PMO free.     Day 01
Title: Re: Alea iacta est 52y
Post by: Totte on May 06, 2018, 05:35:29 AM
My Journey updates!

Reboot day 18!
3 day PMO free!

Did I use porn today?                            No!                     
What were my triggers?                         N/a!         
How did I soothe my anxiety or stress?   Doing meditation helps very much!
What am I grateful for today?                I am grateful over having made 3 days of PMO free!

But my fantasy over having sex with a transsexual is not goon!
Am I gay?
Or am I BI?
This is confusing I need to get to the bottom on this fantasy or feeling.
Is there any one here that going true this kind of thing!
I do not have any feelings/though over men, only transsexual! Can it be that my porn addiction made me gay/bi ?
Is this something I need to address (test) and how?
More questions and no answers!

Tom
Title: Re: Alea iacta est 52y
Post by: Karzam on May 06, 2018, 06:51:53 AM
Hi Tom,

 Congratulations on Day 3 - it's a good start! I applaud you for trying to become more aware of your triggers as well - that should definitely help.

 As far as the transsexual / gay thing goes, personally I wouldn't worry about it too much. For a start, anecdotal evidence seems to suggest that our sexual orientation compass gets pushed off course through porn use, as we habituate to whatever we're watching and then start searching for something different to achieve the same hit. So, in that regard, just focus on getting off the porn first and foremost, because at the moment things may be off kilter anyway. I'm pretty sure porn can't make you gay by the way, I'm pretty sure it's not a choice or based on a reinforcement schedule. :)

 In full disclosure, I've had some pretty weird sexual dreams in my time and I started to doubt my orientation as well, but deep down I knew who I was, and since giving up porn, they've all disappeared. It's probably just your head playing tricks with you - and if it's not, well, isn't the truth better than a lie? But, one thing at a time, focus on giving up the porn first. :)

Karzam
Title: Re: Alea iacta est 52y
Post by: Totte on May 06, 2018, 08:54:04 AM
Hi Tom,

 Congratulations on Day 3 - it's a good start! I applaud you for trying to become more aware of your triggers as well - that should definitely help.

 As far as the transsexual / gay thing goes, personally I wouldn't worry about it too much. For a start, anecdotal evidence seems to suggest that our sexual orientation compass gets pushed off course through porn use, as we habituate to whatever we're watching and then start searching for something different to achieve the same hit. So, in that regard, just focus on getting off the porn first and foremost, because at the moment things may be off kilter anyway. I'm pretty sure porn can't make you gay by the way, I'm pretty sure it's not a choice or based on a reinforcement schedule. :)

 In full disclosure, I've had some pretty weird sexual dreams in my time and I started to doubt my orientation as well, but deep down I knew who I was, and since giving up porn, they've all disappeared. It's probably just your head playing tricks with you - and if it's not, well, isn't the truth better than a lie? But, one thing at a time, focus on giving up the porn first. :)

Karzam

Thanks Karzam!

This make allot off sense!
And if that is so I can managed that to, living a lie is no good.
Thanks you made me think about it and it’s no big deal.

One day at a time my all time high was 7 day!
Let’s take one day at a time.
Tom
Title: Re: Alea iacta est 52y
Post by: Turtle on May 07, 2018, 09:52:20 AM
  Your earlier post about stolen cookies is touching on a hidden but huge part of the porn nightmare. Forbidden fruits are always sweeter. Brain chemicals related to taking risk make the drug high of this even worse. No porn, is a return to sanity.
Title: Re: Alea iacta est 52y
Post by: Totte on May 07, 2018, 10:38:22 AM
  Your earlier post about stolen cookies is touching on a hidden but huge part of the porn nightmare. Forbidden fruits are always sweeter. Brain chemicals related to taking risk make the drug high of this even worse. No porn, is a return to sanity.

Yes this is so true forbidden fruits is sweeter in your mind! But if I go back to my early 20’ich I do remember me chasing after 40 years old woman because they did know what to do and they was weary hot in ...... And girls in my age was no good! So forbidden fruit is not better I think. That was my mind telling me how it is, my other mind say that the young woman is...... you know!!!!
So my compass is broken now I need to fix it!
But I am struggling need that fix....
But I need my wife more....

I realised one thing I have been eating and gaining some kilos so started to learn to eat proper and doing more exercise! Wondering if it’s connected?
Eating and porn us?
Tom
Title: Re: Alea iacta est 52y
Post by: Turtle on May 07, 2018, 10:59:08 AM
  Yes connected, both cause dopamine reactions in the brain. Just nurture yourself with good healthy food.
  I hope like mine, your wife is the great treasure that your efforts revolve around. The hardest part for me is what this has done to my wife. I need to heal myself for myself, but that is also the only way to save my marriage. And my marriage means everything to me. I know I'm crazy from my addiction, otherwise I would never hurt my wife.
Title: Re: Alea iacta est 52y
Post by: Totte on May 07, 2018, 02:52:58 PM
  Yes connected, both cause dopamine reactions in the brain. Just nurture yourself with good healthy food.
  I hope like mine, your wife is the great treasure that your efforts revolve around. The hardest part for me is what this has done to my wife. I need to heal myself for myself, but that is also the only way to save my marriage. And my marriage means everything to me. I know I'm crazy from my addiction, otherwise I would never hurt my wife.

She is my everything!
But I haven’t fealt that desire to make love with her.
Just this stupid rush from porn. I will try this kerrazza when I’m on track.
I do want to feel desire over the person I love.
Title: Re: Alea iacta est 52y
Post by: Turtle on May 07, 2018, 08:28:40 PM
  Have no doubt, it will return. Every story of successful rebooting talks about how we regain our love life. If you can work through all this with her, count your lucky stars, and never look back.
Title: Re: Alea iacta est 52y
Post by: Totte on May 10, 2018, 11:48:04 AM
Hello!
Dident think this would be so hard!
Just did PM but no O timer to 0 or can I se this as a smal victory?

Tom
Title: Re: Alea iacta est 52y
Post by: Totte on May 11, 2018, 12:25:15 AM
Hello!
Dident think this would be so hard!
Just did PM but no O timer to 0 or can I se this as a smal victory?

Tom
Guess I know now that one week is my hard spot!
So I will set my counter to 0 and let’s make it this time.
I have missed doing my meditation I need that time to do reflections and get grounded.

This is possible one week can be two weeks
Tom
Title: Re: Alea iacta est 52y
Post by: milogasker on May 11, 2018, 04:22:00 AM
Hey Tom / Karzam  -  just picking up on the transsexual thing.  I got so absorbed with new and different porn to satisfy my need and get my dopamine rush that I was masturbating to transsexual and lady-boy videos.  This developed to actually booking a trannie hooker and having an actual sexual experience with one.   Yes, I know that a lot of men fantasise and are really attracted to the thought of a woman's body with a penis (best of both worlds) and many go down that route.  Now I'm in no way gay or bi-sexual - it was just my ever increasing need for wilder more off-the-wall experiences to get my kick.

At day 28 I'm still not past the point of finding the trannie thing quite stimulating and if I relapse I can possibly see myself doing it again. I'm just really hoping that when I'm beyond say, 100 days, that I'll have rid myself of these desires and I'll be back on track and have my sexual compass re-aligned to it's "true north".
Title: Re: Alea iacta est 52y
Post by: Totte on May 11, 2018, 09:48:35 AM
Hey Tom / Karzam  -  just picking up on the transsexual thing.  I got so absorbed with new and different porn to satisfy my need and get my dopamine rush that I was masturbating to transsexual and lady-boy videos.  This developed to actually booking a trannie hooker and having an actual sexual experience with one.   Yes, I know that a lot of men fantasise and are really attracted to the thought of a woman's body with a penis (best of both worlds) and many go down that route.  Now I'm in no way gay or bi-sexual - it was just my ever increasing need for wilder more off-the-wall experiences to get my kick.

At day 28 I'm still not past the point of finding the trannie thing quite stimulating and if I relapse I can possibly see myself doing it again. I'm just really hoping that when I'm beyond say, 100 days, that I'll have rid myself of these desires and I'll be back on track and have my sexual compass re-aligned to it's "true north".

Hello
Thanks for the reassuring words!
The thing is should I be aligned to transsexual woman that would not be the worst thing that can happen.
It would be tuff on my wife, wife i love and don't want to hurt. And that would be devastating and i feel bad if it ends up like that.
So its much of the stress over this is that would feel bad and by that i feel bad now to.
So there is so much thought running in my head, my head is spinning like crazy doing P it stops spinning.
So what to do to get my head thinking straight (clear) sometimes I want to talk to a professional.
Solution to this getting of P so i can start think clear.
Signed up for Skype meeting SLAA.
Tom
Title: Re: Alea iacta est 52y
Post by: Totte on May 12, 2018, 03:48:42 AM
Status report Day 24
soon a month in but no longer then 8day's PMO free.
Day 2 PMO free
Day 4 eating healthy
Day 1 getting fit.
 
Tom
Title: Re: Alea iacta est 52y
Post by: Totte on May 12, 2018, 07:57:07 AM
Need to keep this in my mind...
This summer we are taking a trip together wife and I, without kids.
Its about 70 day's away!
What i would like is to lose 10kilos (22lb 0.7396480oz) and get me on track so we cud make love!
Romantic dinners and atmosphere and we cud get some awesome evenings or and mornings together.
Now i need to keep this in my mind and at the same time not get stressed over it.

Is it doable to get out of flat line in 70 day's?
70day's is 10 weeks that would be 1kilo a week. i can do that, I am sure.
Not get in to a stressful mindset!

What do you all say is it possible?

Tom
Title: Re: Alea iacta est 52y
Post by: Karzam on May 12, 2018, 08:24:46 AM
Hi Tom,

 I'd say it's possible, certainly. But, from my experience at least, I'd remove the goals - but that's just a reflection of my psychological aspects. If setting a goal works for you, then that's great. However, if setting a goal (and potentially not reaching it) is something to beat yourself up about, then that's not so great.

Karzam
Title: Re: Alea iacta est 52y
Post by: Totte on May 14, 2018, 10:03:47 AM
Day 26 and 4 days PMO free!
Many thought running true me! What should get me to drop this?
The rush from getting of and after that feeling bad and I cud twist this and say that it’s not sheeting.
But I would say it’s sheeting I’m definitely not performing in bed so it’s like sheeting!

So not to my self, just get true this day!

Tom
Title: Re: Alea iacta est 52y
Post by: Totte on May 14, 2018, 10:25:58 PM
Report Day 27
Closing in on my 7 day PMO free
Day 5 PMO free

Longing for the day I can see a beautiful woman and just see that!
I love my wife and hopefully I can start yearn for her.

Tom
Title: Re: Alea iacta est 52y
Post by: Totte on May 15, 2018, 10:09:43 PM
Report Day 28
Closing in on my 7 day PMO free high score.
Day 6 PMO free

Day 9 eating healthy and on day 7 lost 1,5 kilos. (3,3 lbs)
Started to go to the gym.

Tom
Title: Re: Alea iacta est 52y
Post by: Turtle on May 16, 2018, 07:41:59 AM
  Sounds like you are on the right path, one that is working for you. Stay committed, and remember what YOU really want.
Title: Re: Alea iacta est 52y
Post by: Totte on May 16, 2018, 12:07:17 PM
  Sounds like you are on the right path, one that is working for you. Stay committed, and remember what YOU really want.

Thanks!
To day I have soreness after the gym! So good feeling.
I think I feel that I’m on the right path
Thanks to you all here!
Tom
Title: Re: Alea iacta est 52y
Post by: Totte on May 16, 2018, 10:05:10 PM
Report Day 29
Day 7 that I am PMO free

Day 10 eating healthy
(and on day 7 lost 1,5 kilos.) (3,3 lbs)

It’s 05:00 in the morning and about to go to the gym!

Tom
Title: Re: Alea iacta est 52y
Post by: Turtle on May 17, 2018, 09:25:44 AM
Information for Tom:
https://www.reuniting.info/karezza_evaluation

https://www.reuniting.info/karezza_porn_addicts
Title: Re: Alea iacta est 52y
Post by: Totte on May 17, 2018, 03:22:56 PM
Information for Tom:
https://www.reuniting.info/karezza_evaluation

https://www.reuniting.info/karezza_porn_addicts

Thanks!
This is interesting I need to get wife fully onboard, we have talked about it but not more then that really.

Tom
Title: Re: Alea iacta est 52y
Post by: Turtle on May 17, 2018, 05:06:21 PM
    I can't see any harm starting karezza at any time. It is part of recovery. Its important to understand, karezza is loving contact. It's not important to get hard, or perform sexually. It's more about loving and sharing, gentle touching and intimacy. If it gets sexy that's ok too, but the idea is to not get too excited. For men especially, avoid orgasm during rebooting. Many men continue to avoid orgasm, perhaps because it becomes easy to have lots of amazing intercourse!
Title: Re: Alea iacta est 52y
Post by: Totte on May 17, 2018, 09:54:52 PM
    I can't see any harm starting karezza at any time. It is part of recovery. Its important to understand, karezza is loving contact. It's not important to get hard, or perform sexually. It's more about loving and sharing, gentle touching and intimacy. If it gets sexy that's ok too, but the idea is to not get too excited. For men especially, avoid orgasm during rebooting. Many men continue to avoid orgasm, perhaps because it becomes easy to have lots of amazing intercourse!

Awesome thank you!
Title: Re: Alea iacta est 52y
Post by: Totte on May 17, 2018, 10:04:18 PM
Report Day 30
Day 8 PMO free
I think I’m in flatline, it’s a little scary it’s like dead down there!
Nothing happening even wen I see my favourite actor having a kissing scene (I always get response of her). Is this good?


Day 11 eating healthy
(and on day 7 lost 1,5 kilos.) (3,3 lbs)

Tom
Title: Re: Alea iacta est 52y
Post by: Totte on May 18, 2018, 10:10:18 PM
Report Day 31
Day 9 PMO free

Day 12 eating healthy
(and on day 7 lost 1,5 kilos.) (3,3 lbs)

Tom
Title: Re: Alea iacta est 52y
Post by: Totte on May 19, 2018, 02:18:30 AM
My mind is playing tricks with me!
My labido is dead, but I’m feeling strong needs to watch porn.
So I can do PMO!
 I see a lady and I see a beautiful smile, eyes or whatever there beauty is.
It’s not really a problem but at home alone or with family my mind playing tricks.
I start to get an idea of that I need to do Something.

Struggling
Tom
Title: Re: Alea iacta est 52y
Post by: Turtle on May 19, 2018, 03:53:25 PM
  Sent you an email. Sorry I didn't get it out when you were online. Don't give in to the addict voices in your head. Counter those thoughts with thoughts from your true self, who you want to be, and who you really are!
  The email I sent does not appear in my sent mail. I hope it isn't lost, it was a god one. The link I included I'll repeat here.

https://www.reuniting.info/science/ecstatic_exchanges_and_neurochemistry
Title: Re: Alea iacta est 52y
Post by: Totte on May 20, 2018, 01:25:10 AM
  Sent you an email. Sorry I didn't get it out when you were online. Don't give in to the addict voices in your head. Counter those thoughts with thoughts from your true self, who you want to be, and who you really are!
  The email I sent does not appear in my sent mail. I hope it isn't lost, it was a god one. The link I included I'll repeat here.

https://www.reuniting.info/science/ecstatic_exchanges_and_neurochemistry

Awesome thank you!
Good information.

Tom
Title: Re: Alea iacta est 52y
Post by: Totte on May 20, 2018, 01:28:19 AM
Report Day 32
Day 10 PMO free

Day 13 eating healthy well was out eating with family.
Not that good really I think to much wine and food hope I don’t get to bad results when I’m on the scale tomorrow.

(and on day 7 lost 1,5 kilos.) (3,3 lbs)

Tom
Title: Re: Alea iacta est 52y
Post by: Totte on May 20, 2018, 05:06:09 AM
My mind is playing tricks with me!
My labido is dead, but I’m feeling strong needs to watch porn.
So I can do PMO!
 I see a lady and I see a beautiful smile, eyes or whatever there beauty is.
It’s not really a problem but at home alone or with family my mind playing tricks.
I start to get an idea of that I need to do Something.

Struggling
Tom

Was watching a series on HBO and there Was a scene not that extremely hot but I feel some labido.
Is this good?
Title: Re: Alea iacta est 52y
Post by: Totte on May 20, 2018, 09:02:52 PM
Report Day 33
Day 11 PMO free

Day 14 eating healthy
(and on day 7 lost 1,5 kilos.) (3,3 lbs)

I get some spam mail from s.. site and wanted to se if I cud unsubscribe.
Just going in and scrolling down to the bottom it “triggered” me!
Well I did not do any PMO or PM or MO or M.
Do I need to disconnect totally to get free?

Tom
Title: Re: Alea iacta est 52y
Post by: Turtle on May 20, 2018, 09:24:17 PM
  What I do is disconnect from the trigger, and reaffirm that I'm done with it forever!
Title: Re: Alea iacta est 52y
Post by: Totte on May 20, 2018, 09:46:19 PM
  What I do is disconnect from the trigger, and reaffirm that I'm done with it forever!

Was my plan to delete the trigger mail and se that I don’t get them!
But going in to the mail and scroll down to klick on unsubscribe.
The pictures triggered me!
I usually delete the mail, but got tired of delete them!

Tom
Title: Re: Alea iacta est 52y
Post by: Totte on May 20, 2018, 09:57:18 PM
  What I do is disconnect from the trigger, and reaffirm that I'm done with it forever!

I keep on deleting the spam mail and not go in to them!.
If that don’t work il put my phone away and not check my mail.

Tom
Title: Re: Alea iacta est 52y
Post by: Totte on May 21, 2018, 11:08:45 AM
Report Day 33
Day 11 PMO free

Day 14 eating healthy
and on day 7 lost 1,5 kilos. (3,3 lbs)
Now at day 14 I lost 1,3 kilos (2,87 lbs)
Total 2,9 kilos (6,39 lbs)

Tom
Title: Re: Alea iacta est 52y
Post by: Totte on May 21, 2018, 09:07:01 PM
Report Day 34
Day 12 PMO free
Closing in on two weeks.
14 to 20 days is a turnaround point as I understand, then I can start relaxing more!
I think it’s been not that hard time, only really hard thing was trying to get away from s.. spam.
I get morning wood , if it’s from body testing signals as body always do (that’s good if so).
Or am I dreaming hot dreams don’t now yet.

Day 15 eating healthy
and on day 14 Total 2,9 kilos (6,39 lbs)

Tom
Title: Re: Alea iacta est 52y
Post by: Turtle on May 22, 2018, 09:19:11 AM
  Good work, keep doing it!
  Watch out, sometimes negative impulses get worse before they get better.
Title: Re: Alea iacta est 52y
Post by: Totte on May 22, 2018, 10:20:39 PM
  Good work, keep doing it!
  Watch out, sometimes negative impulses get worse before they get better.
Thanks
I agree woke up and I got a bad feeling, my brain is spinning.
Now pure willpower is needed!

Tom
Title: Re: Alea iacta est 52y
Post by: Totte on May 22, 2018, 10:22:46 PM
Report Day 35
Day 13 PMO free

Day 16 eating healthy

I got a feeling I need to watch P!
I hope I can stop thinking of all stupid thoughts!
It’s like spinning one second I see a teen with two big.....
Next I see a ladyboy....
Next a old woman....
Next I see BDSM and so on....

And nothing is what I really want!
I want to cuddle, kissing and feeling my wife next to me.
But it’s spinning in my head

Tom
Title: Re: Alea iacta est 52y
Post by: Totte on May 24, 2018, 04:47:33 AM
Report Day 36
Day 14 PMO free

Day 17 eating healthy
Well did slip and eat some is cream.
Made 2 of 3 gym pass week one
One gympas of tre so far this week.

Tom
Title: Re: Alea iacta est 52y
Post by: Totte on May 25, 2018, 12:53:58 PM
Report Day 37
Day 15 PMO free

Day 18 eating healthy

Still get some fantasy over women I meet, and I don’t like that!
I’d like to just see them and that’s it! This is something new dident do that before my problem started. Can it be that my brain don’t get what it wants from my life?
And desperately seeking other different woman to get the rush from?
 I’m wondering if I lost my ability to connect with my wife!
I have a good life, do I want to meet a 10-15 year younger women to start over with?
My brain say yes but my mind and my heart say no!
So many things going on in my head.....

Tom
Title: Re: Alea iacta est 52y
Post by: Totte on May 25, 2018, 10:00:58 PM
Report Day 38
Day 16 PMO free

Day 19 eating healthy

One thing I did together with wife was cuddle together nothing fancy just tender cuddle with some kisses. It was like a pree start of karezza step 1. It felt good.

But naturally I got a mail that I saw a hot woman, and why did I not trove the mail away?
Reading started innocently but it ended at she was in to BDSM and two pictures followed.
Naturally I started fantasy about that no PMO.
Now I will start meditation to clear my mind away and reconnect with that good feeling I had with wife last night. What was awesome about that cuddle, so good feeling of closeness and I got wood from that feeling it was so nice to feel connected and feeling her warmth.

Tom

Title: Re: Alea iacta est 52y
Post by: Karzam on May 26, 2018, 08:55:27 AM
The cuddle sounds nice - I'm jealous!

Karzam
Title: Re: Alea iacta est 52y
Post by: Totte on May 26, 2018, 11:28:04 PM
Report Day 39
Day 17 PMO free

Day 20 eating healthy, we had friends over for dinner and I drank some wine and eat and drank to much. But I will go to the gym to day.

Tom
Title: Re: Alea iacta est 52y
Post by: Totte on May 27, 2018, 07:55:52 AM
The cuddle sounds nice - I'm jealous!

Karzam

It was a start, and it was awesome to feel closer!

Tom
Title: Re: Alea iacta est 52y
Post by: Totte on May 28, 2018, 02:26:06 PM
Report Day 40
Day 18 PMO free

Day 21 eating healthy. 3 weeks and 3,3 kilo (7.26 Lbs)

Tom
Title: Re: Alea iacta est 52y
Post by: Totte on May 28, 2018, 09:13:37 PM
Report Day 41
Day 19 PMO free

Day 22 eating healthy. 3 weeks and 3,3 kilo (7.26 Lbs)

What can I do to look at women and not start to get fantasy of how it would be to be with them?
I guess it’s part of the process well there is no labido but I question in my head!
Before the start I would fantasy of what I do to them (like a predator).
Is this flatline? Not how I was imagining flatline.

Tom
Title: Re: Alea iacta est 52y
Post by: Karzam on May 29, 2018, 03:51:24 AM
Hi Tom,

 I think each person's flatline is different in a way - except that there's a period of having no libido (or at least in general no libido), that seems to be the only unifying factor...

Karzam
Title: Re: Alea iacta est 52y
Post by: Totte on May 29, 2018, 09:48:33 PM
Report Day 42
Day 20 PMO free

Day 23 eating healthy
I guess I’m in a flatline no morning wood and it’s like dead down there.
Now I need to pray that I don’t do P to check to se if things work.

Thanks Karzam I guess you are right! But it’s scary.

Tom
Title: Re: Alea iacta est 52y
Post by: Totte on June 01, 2018, 10:48:59 PM
Report Day 45
Day 3 PMO free (slipping)
This no good and now I feel so bad about that I’m at step 1.
All this is bad and I’m so depressed now! I was at 20 days!

Tom
Title: Re: Alea iacta est 52y
Post by: Turtle on June 02, 2018, 02:33:00 PM
  Everyone has setbacks. Ask yourself how it happened, and plan how to prevent a similar failure. Most of all remember that as long as you are on the path, you will continue to recover. When a baby is learning to walk, they don't give up even if they fall 100 times. They know what they want! Ask yourself what do I really want. Know that you will never give up. This has worked for me.
Title: Re: Alea iacta est 52y
Post by: Totte on June 05, 2018, 07:58:58 AM
  Everyone has setbacks. Ask yourself how it happened, and plan how to prevent a similar failure. Most of all remember that as long as you are on the path, you will continue to recover. When a baby is learning to walk, they don't give up even if they fall 100 times. They know what they want! Ask yourself what do I really want. Know that you will never give up. This has worked for me.

Hello!
Yes of course there will be setbacks! And my setback was that there happened to much at the same time, and i needed to blow of some steem...

Dont have to go in to what exactly but it had to do with my family and the pressure from them to fix stuff for them. (not my wife and children). I have a work that demand much from me and now i have had to much to do at work so this 100% demand in time from family was no good lol!
And how can i tell them that i cant help due to i have a SEX addiction, thats to privet.

My family would not understand even if i was an alcoholic. No acceptances from them in this situation (Family history with alcoholism).

I am really struggling with my PMO addiction, i have good progress with the start of Karezza but then this happened and i am set back from 20 day's, and was seeing a light in the tunnel.
Now im and the start again, had i been at 40-50 day's then i had maybe dropt down halfway but 20 day's its like i havent had any progress at all, that i can len on when i start again.....
Sorry writing from my heart so English is worse then ever..............

Tom
Title: Re: A new start (Alea iacta est) 52y
Post by: Totte on June 10, 2018, 10:20:18 PM
7days PMO free
I started a personal development project/plan found an app that will help me.
Remente
Finding out some new things about me self.
I am now more relaxed.

Tom
Title: Re: A new start (Alea iacta est) 52y
Post by: Turtle on June 11, 2018, 08:30:58 AM
Remente is the name of the app?
Title: Re: A new start (Alea iacta est) 52y
Post by: Totte on January 30, 2019, 12:58:10 AM
Hi, I am back and I really need to start from scratch again.
I am now at tree day PMO free hoping this will work this time.

I will try to answer this 2-3 times a week.
Did I use porn today?                               No               
What were my triggers?                            eyes           
How did I soothe my anxiety or stress?      Working
What am I grateful for today?                   That I started again
Title: Re: A new start (Alea iacta est) 52y
Post by: BigMog on January 30, 2019, 05:11:14 AM
Hi Tom, Good Luck! I’m sure posting and reading here will help. How is the personal development going that you mentioned earlier? Replacing the porn habit with good development activities seems like a good approach to me.
Title: Re: A new start (Alea iacta est) 52y
Post by: workinprogressUK on January 30, 2019, 06:27:27 AM
Wishing you success, Tom.
Title: Re: A new start (Alea iacta est) 52y
Post by: Totte on January 30, 2019, 04:42:11 PM
This is my third day and in a few hours its fore day.
What I wonder is can I look at a beautiful woman and not starting to fantasize about want I want to do with them? In reality, I don't know if I would want to have XXX with anyone. I only wish to have a good relationship where I can feel safe. To have a good connection and to give and get support, it's more important than the...... Act.

Hopefully getting better
Tommie
Title: Re: A new start (Alea iacta est) 52y
Post by: Totte on January 31, 2019, 03:03:23 PM
A full day and no PMO but did check in to one of this shit spam mail with you know. And just laughed about it really stupid. Was no will to do anything else but just stupid, but no harm really. But what is it that one makes this (cud be) stupid choices? There is a strong desire to...
Think if there was a really easy fix to let you stop and think. I try to think before I take a step that can trigger me.

Tom
Title: Re: A new start (Alea iacta est) 52y
Post by: Totte on February 02, 2019, 05:55:55 AM
Well this is hard I'm struggling with my demons.
I did some P but no O. Well how can I face the demons?
What is it in my life that's missing that give me the desire to do this destructive behavior?
Title: Re: A new start (Alea iacta est) 52y
Post by: workinprogressUK on February 04, 2019, 02:04:06 PM
My friend, you're right about the need to find out what's missing for you. I know that I need to identify the things missing or underlying for me, and eventually try to resolve them. But in these first few days, where you're unable to stop yourself using P, maybe you could try to focus on identfying your triggers and some avoidance tactics first? I'm the last person who should give advice, but it's like you've cut yourself with a saw, and instead of staunching the bleeding, you start to read a book about improving your joinery technique. RUN.... Remove yourself from the opportunity (shut down the PC immediately).... Un-distort your cognitive distortions (stop bullshitting yourself).... Never forget the damage that P abuse has done to your life. Try that?
Title: Re: A new start (Alea iacta est) 52y
Post by: Totte on February 04, 2019, 02:14:32 PM
My friend, you're right about the need to find out what's missing for you. I know that I need to identify the things missing or underlying for me, and eventually try to resolve them. But in these first few days, where you're unable to stop yourself using P, maybe you could try to focus on identfying your triggers and some avoidance tactics first? I'm the last person who should give advice, but it's like you've cut yourself with a saw, and instead of staunching the bleeding, you start to read a book about improving your joinery technique. RUN.... Remove yourself from the opportunity (shut down the PC immediately).... Un-distort your cognitive distortions (stop bullshitting yourself).... Never forget the damage that P abuse has done to your life. Try that?


Wow thanks,  man!
This was what I needed to hear, absolutely the right words!
I will read this to get me on track. I am taking this in, I post later!
Tom
Title: Re: A new start (Alea iacta est) 52y
Post by: Totte on February 05, 2019, 06:49:57 AM
Step nr1
Start eating healty
To get my brain to se clear

Step nr2
Start workout gym 2-3 times a week
To fell good and strong

Step nr3
Read a novel a month
Just for fun

More is coming
Good day to day no PMO

Tom

Title: Re: A new start (Alea iacta est) 52y
Post by: workinprogressUK on February 05, 2019, 07:11:46 AM
Nice one, Tom. Keep up the good work!