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Journals => Ages 20-29 => Topic started by: Jake323 on March 13, 2017, 10:38:22 PM

Title: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on March 13, 2017, 10:38:22 PM
Hello everyone, I'm 21 years old and currently going on a year since trying to give up PMO. I've managed to give it up for the most part, but it seems as if I keep going back after a while, it's usually 2-3 weeks, sometimes longer, sometimes shorter. It's better than doing it multiple times a day every day no doubt, but that isn't what I truly want, I want to give it up for good! I had started a log here before, but I often found myself obsessing about things that didn't help me in the long run. I'm starting today and I'm going to try my best not to obsess over stuff this time and see how it goes. My life has changed in many ways for the better over the past year, I've held down a difficult job for a year, I joined a gym and lost 66 lbs, I've gone to school and got pretty good grades for 3 semesters, and will most likely move out on my own out of my parents' house by the fall semester. However, I keep coming back to PMO and want to give it up completely. It just hurts my special anciety around girls even more, so I want no more of it. Let's do this.

3/13/17

Had a lot of guilt today about my PMO Sunday morning, but I stayed busy today and stayed away from PMO. Let's keep this going, one moment at a time.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on March 14, 2017, 09:37:17 PM
3/14/17

It was an ok day today. I can definitely feel the urges starting to creep in, just gotta stay in the moment and avoid any type of escalation, because that usually doesn't end well.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on March 15, 2017, 10:46:29 PM
3/15/17

Pretty good day today, it's really tough when I get bored and lonely to deal with the urges. Just gotta keep busy and focus my energy on healthy alternatives, lol.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on March 16, 2017, 10:57:36 PM
3/16/17

Pretty good day as far as urges go, still had feelings of boredom, but they passed.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on March 18, 2017, 09:09:01 PM
Forgot to update my log yesterday, here it is.

3/17/17

It was a pretty good day, stayed busy and focused my attention away from porn urges.

3/18/17

Another good day, stayed busy and kept my attention on productive activities.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on March 19, 2017, 10:56:14 PM
3/19/17

Pretty good day today, stayed busy with things and urges weren't bad at all.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on March 20, 2017, 09:06:18 PM
3/20/17

Day started off good, ended pretty terrible. I really hate being a virgin and having social anxiety. You have to be good with people to have success in life, not exactly easy and sometimes very painful to accept that your past keeps coming back to f*** you over, Ughh, I honestly feel as if this pain will never end and that life is just a huge disappointment. Yeah, there are happy moments and pleasurable experiences, but they don't last very long, going through pain for long periods of time for very brief moments of happiness and joy doesn't really seem worth it. All we seem to have is problems without answers to, and life just seems like too much of a bitch  to deal with right now, ughhhhh.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on March 21, 2017, 11:11:20 PM
3/21/17

Better day today even though I was running on 4 hours of sleep. Got a lot accomplished today and stayed away from PMO, I guess that's all that really matters at this point.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on March 22, 2017, 09:49:34 PM
3/22/17

Another pretty good day, some things in my life are starting to change, which is what I've been waiting for.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on March 23, 2017, 11:24:25 PM
3/23/17

Had a productive day today, stayed busy and thus, stayed away from PMO.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on March 25, 2017, 11:37:58 AM
3/24/17

Stayed pretty busy today, stayed away from PMO.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on March 25, 2017, 05:46:04 PM
3/25/17

Another pretty good day, stayed busy again, that seems to help a lot with staying away from PMO.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on March 26, 2017, 10:26:09 PM
3/26/17

Stayed away from PMO again, really need to keep this rolling, can't get distracted by things that don't serve me in life anymore, I've gone down that path too many times to keep making the same mistakes, it's time to eliminate this stuff from my life and do what truly matters to me.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on March 27, 2017, 10:39:27 PM
3/27/17

Boy, I'm exhausted from today. It's tough having social anxiety and being shy as a man during early adulthood. Everything I want to achieve just feels even harder.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: DFTS on March 28, 2017, 03:23:00 AM
Hey! You abstained for two weeks! That's an achievement.

You should fight your social anxiety. It's all inside you, if you will tell yourself that there's nothing to fear, then you will not be anxious. Sounds stupid, but that's the way it is, I've been through it too.
If you will start fighting your social anxiety, then I bet that you'll find a girl of your dreams, and without foggy, mellow mind caused by PMO, you'll get her in a blink of an eye. And that's the best motivation to abstain from porn.

Good luck brother, keep it up :)

DFTS
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on March 29, 2017, 12:16:11 AM
Hey! You abstained for two weeks! That's an achievement.

You should fight your social anxiety. It's all inside you, if you will tell yourself that there's nothing to fear, then you will not be anxious. Sounds stupid, but that's the way it is, I've been through it too.
If you will start fighting your social anxiety, then I bet that you'll find a girl of your dreams, and without foggy, mellow mind caused by PMO, you'll get her in a blink of an eye. And that's the best motivation to abstain from porn.

Good luck brother, keep it up :)

DFTS

Thanks man. Yeah, I hear you, just need to face it one step at a time and ignore my negative thoughts.

3/28/17
Another pretty good day, I feel as if the urges strike whenever I'm really stressed or really bored, which tends to happen I'm working and going to school all the time, lol.

Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on March 29, 2017, 10:11:00 PM
3/29/17

Really boring day, nothing much happened at all.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on March 30, 2017, 10:44:08 PM
3/30/17

An ok day. Ive been really tired lately, that can sometimes get to my head, ughh.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on March 31, 2017, 11:50:06 PM
3/31/17

Pretty decent day, still feel kinda stressed about the future though.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on April 01, 2017, 11:06:45 PM
4/1/17

I felt terrible today, no energy or motivation to do anything, felt sluggish and lethargic, just tired of being alone mostly.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on April 02, 2017, 09:27:04 PM
4/2/17

Another tough day, my mind is starting to mess with me and play tricks on me, that's always the hardest part for me. I've  been really tired and stressed lately, and have also had bad headaches, not sure if it's from no PMO or just stress, but it is tough, I've gotta keep going though, I've come too far to quit now, just gotta live in the moment and realize that the future is happening in my head, not in front of me.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on April 03, 2017, 10:57:11 PM
4/3/17

Yet another tough day. It's starting to really get difficult to accept these painful emotions instead of fighting them. For some reason in my class at school we talked about sex, and this instant feeling of shame and depression washed over me, the teacher posted this stat that said something like: most everyone in college has experienced a hook up at one time or another. Instant. Shame. Instant. Depression. Being a virgin, you carry that stuff everywhere you go, it's pretty depressing. It also got me thinking how "pornified" our society is. If most people are just randomly sleeping with some stranger at a party, is that really any different from porn? Obviously it's not all staged and stuff in real life, but it's just fucking some random stranger, and that's it. There's no love or intimacy. You're both just drunk and fucking in the bathroom or whatever. It's pretty difficult to ignore when porn is so mainstream and so accepted, oh well, just gotta focus on me I guess.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: DFTS on April 04, 2017, 01:58:36 AM
Hey, Jake! There's nothing wrong in being a virgin.

I was a party man, I had occasions to stick my stick here and there, but I didn't. (let's ignore the fact of PIED I was experiencing not so long ago, because I wasn't even aware of that back then)
Fucking a stranger was completely wrong for me. In my opinion, if you want to have sex, you have to trust the person that you're having it with.
You shouldn't be ashamed, you just haven't found the right girl yet.

Society is what it is, you don't have to be like the others, it won't make you a better person for sure. Have your own ideals.

Keep it up brother,

DFTS
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on April 04, 2017, 11:24:24 PM
Hey, Jake! There's nothing wrong in being a virgin.

I was a party man, I had occasions to stick my stick here and there, but I didn't. (let's ignore the fact of PIED I was experiencing not so long ago, because I wasn't even aware of that back then)
Fucking a stranger was completely wrong for me. In my opinion, if you want to have sex, you have to trust the person that you're having it with.
You shouldn't be ashamed, you just haven't found the right girl yet.

Society is what it is, you don't have to be like the others, it won't make you a better person for sure. Have your own ideals.

Keep it up brother,

DFTS

Definitely, easier said than done though haha. Especially now in the days of social media where so many people post pictures of their "amazing" relationships and all the "amazing, incredible" times they have together, that's why I don't really go on facebook or Instagram anymore, I always end up comparing myself to others and making myself miserable and even more lonely and anxious than before.

4/4/17

Pretty decent day I guess, kinda boring, but at least I've been having an easier time being in the moment.

Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on April 05, 2017, 10:28:28 PM
4/5/17

Pretty good day as far as urges go. I'll be starting a new job next week. Hopefully there's some ladies there that I can talk to there  because at my job now, there is no ladies at all, lol.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on April 06, 2017, 10:19:33 PM
4/6/17

A decent day I guess. Don't really have any words to describe it other than ordinary. I'm just in my head too much, though. I over complicate and over think things that are irrelevant.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on April 07, 2017, 11:46:59 PM
4/7/17

Another day of no PMO, felt really anxious and confused all day, nothing out of the ordinary for me I guess, lol. I'm so indecisive, I can't just make a decision and go with it, there's always an argument between two different sides going on inside my head about the pros and cons of living my life a certain way, and it just causes a lot of anxiety and tension in me. It really sucks. It's just like a broken record playing in your head over and over again when you have ocd and social anxiety. I obsess and worry about every little detail of social situations and the decisions I make in my life. I guess that's not always a bad thing, though. At least I care, at least I want to make a difference in my life and in the world. Nobody I live or work with on a daily basis seems to give a flying rats ass. They just complain and never do anything. They're perfectly happy with living the "American dream". Get married, have kids, work, retire, and die. I don't want that. I want something great. We only get one shot at life, so why the hell waste it? Nothing scares me more than me sitting on my deathbed at 85 years old, regretting things I should have done in life, wishing I could've been something greater than what I was. I want my name to be heard and remembered, I don't want to just be another John Doe that withers away into nothingness after a life of wishing and hoping and never doing. I need to go to bed, lol.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on April 08, 2017, 09:31:32 PM
4/8/17

Stayed away from PMO again. That's good, however, I'm really confused lately as to what I think my values in life are at this point, I don't really know what to think or what's truly important to me, it's a difficult question to ask on this journey we call life.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on April 09, 2017, 10:32:29 PM
4/9/17

Another day of no PMO. Feel really stressed lately about moving out on my own and finding my way in the world. It can be scary to think about. I'm not a baby anymore, lol.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on April 10, 2017, 10:24:56 PM
4/10/17

The stresses of life and the urge to PMO is slowly creeping up on me, just gotta be self aware and avoid any escalating behaviors, as well as staying in the moment, because that's all we ever have.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on April 11, 2017, 10:50:11 PM
4/11/17

Can really start to feel the urge creeping in, I'm so stressed too. Ughhhh, this sucks so bad.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: DFTS on April 12, 2017, 02:46:57 AM
Hey, Jake!

Do not stress yourself this much. I have a feeling that a good part of it is created by you, by thinking way too much.

I have moved out of my hometown almost 2 months ago, I am living at my sister's flat at the moment, but I take care of myself on my own. I buy my own food, I cook, basically I am more of a roomie for my sister than a brother.

But next week I'm moving out to my own place. It is not scary for me anymore. I know that living on your own isn't that bad. It will take a lot of your free time for sure, so reboot will be easier.

I have good news for you too. It is only scary in the beginning. After a week or two, you'll see that there was nothing to be afraid of.

Cheers,

DFTS
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on April 12, 2017, 10:47:25 PM
Hey, Jake!

Do not stress yourself this much. I have a feeling that a good part of it is created by you, by thinking way too much.

I have moved out of my hometown almost 2 months ago, I am living at my sister's flat at the moment, but I take care of myself on my own. I buy my own food, I cook, basically I am more of a roomie for my sister than a brother.

But next week I'm moving out to my own place. It is not scary for me anymore. I know that living on your own isn't that bad. It will take a lot of your free time for sure, so reboot will be easier.

I have good news for you too. It is only scary in the beginning. After a week or two, you'll see that there was nothing to be afraid of.

Cheers,

DFTS

Thanks man. You're right, I'm probably thinking it over too much, but what do I not overthink? Lol. I guess I'll never truly know until the moment comes that I move out....


4/12/17

Felt really down on myself in the middle of the day, but I picked myself back up fairly quickly, and the rest of the day went pretty good.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on April 13, 2017, 10:43:34 PM
4/13/17

I can feel the urges starting to creep up on me, just gotta recognize that it's not me, just the craving talking. Anyways, no PMO, so it's a good day in my book.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on April 15, 2017, 12:22:34 AM
4/14/17

Last day of my old job, and first day of my new job, and my new job is MUCH better, and no PMO, so it was a good day.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on April 16, 2017, 09:31:48 AM
4/15/17

Forgot to update my log yesterday, but the day was tough. A lot of strong urges to PMO, but I recognized it for what it was, an urge, not me, and I ended up being alright, even though it was hard to ignore at times.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on April 16, 2017, 09:00:40 PM
4/16/17

Man, the urges are hitting me hard today. Maybe it's because I've been using tinder for the past couple of days and have 0 matches. Depressing, but a reality.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on April 17, 2017, 08:11:58 PM
4/17/17

Didn't PMO today, but I had a severe mental breakdown and was panicking all day. All in all, the day was absolute shit. Intense urges to PMO, as well as panic/anxiety thinking about going out and meeting women. Oh well. Can only do my best I guess.....
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on April 18, 2017, 10:27:57 PM
4/18/17

Better day, not great though. The PMO urges are still strong at times, but I've been doing my best to focus my attention away from the urges, as well as not trying to fight them or get rid of them, but accept them for what they are.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on April 19, 2017, 11:07:49 PM
4/19/17

Pretty good day, asked a girl out for coffee at the mall who was working in one of the shops, she said no, but at least I faced my fear.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on April 21, 2017, 01:15:30 AM
4/20/17

Kind of a boring day, however, I was productive and got things done, so I guess that's all I can do.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on April 21, 2017, 10:29:48 PM
4/21/17

Had some strong urges today, however, I was able to recognize that they weren't me and was able to refocus my attention on productive activities as well as my job.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on April 22, 2017, 10:07:31 PM
4/22/17

Kind of a boring day, did what I needed to though, so I guess that's all that counts.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on April 23, 2017, 09:18:32 PM
4/23/17

Ughhhhh today has been hell, the urges and porn images in my mind are getting intense
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on April 24, 2017, 09:38:17 PM
4/24/17

Another hard day, the urges and images were still pretty intense, although living in the present moment can really help. Ultimately did things better than PMO, so I'd say it was a good day overall, talked to this cute lady in my class too.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on April 25, 2017, 10:19:12 PM
4/25/17

The urges are hitting me hard, but I'm focusing my attention on better things anyways. So that's good.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on April 26, 2017, 09:45:20 PM
4/26/17

The urges were absolutely brutal today, but instead of doing PMO, I asked out this pretty girl at the mall! She already had a boyfriend, but that's not the point. The point is that I'm facing my fear of rejection and improving my self esteem day by day.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on April 27, 2017, 08:28:26 PM
4/27/17

Another good day, got things done that I needed to get done and had some time to relax.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on April 28, 2017, 09:29:05 PM
4/28/17

Felt kind of depressed and confused today. Also worried about the future, I sometimes feel as if no matter what I do, I can't seem to accomplish what I want to. Oh well, just a short time that it's been happening anyways. My mind keeps looking for reasons to PMO, but I keep labeling it for what it is and not pursuing the urges and doing other things that are probably better for me instead, that's how I should measure progress.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on April 29, 2017, 09:53:00 PM
4/29/17

Pretty good day, work was kinda boring, but hey, aren't all jobs like that sometimes?
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on April 30, 2017, 10:38:29 PM
4/30/17

Had some urges come up today, although I didn't try to chase them or engage with them because I always know how that ends, nonetheless, it was a pretty good day.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on May 01, 2017, 11:26:28 PM
5/1/17

Another day, another headache, I took my first final and got 101 % on it, so that's good, now I just need to study for my final on Thursday and do well, then I'll have a semester off. Ughhh, just gotta get through this week.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on May 02, 2017, 09:54:58 PM
5/2/17

Man, I have been so busy lately, I'm starting to get really stressed and can feel the PMO urges creeping in, just need to take this slow and forget about doing everything at once.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on May 03, 2017, 10:57:32 PM
5/3/17

The urges weren't as strong today as the past couple days, good day today, studied really hard for my final exam tomorrow, hopefully I do well!
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on May 05, 2017, 12:11:52 AM
5/4/17

Good day, I'm tired though, it's been a long week so far.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on May 05, 2017, 09:45:46 PM
5/5/17

I've been at work all day, so I haven't really had any urges that were very strong, a good day.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on May 06, 2017, 09:41:21 PM
5/6/17

Ughhh work can be emotionally draining, I'm so tired lately too, just wanna sleep, urges weren't very severe today, so that's good I guess.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on May 07, 2017, 08:18:27 PM
5/7/17

Jeez, I've really been depressed lately, I just feel sluggish and down, and everybody annoys and irritates me. I just want to sleep for a long time, lol.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on May 08, 2017, 10:24:39 PM
5/8/17

Damn, having social anxiety for so long really sucks ass. Oh well, everybody has shit to deal with I guess.I went to the mall again to try and ask for a few girls' number, but my anxiety was really terrible and I kept getting caught up in the story my mind was telling me. I need to stay in the present moment and stop thinking that having a bunch of women all over me will make me happy, because it won't.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on May 10, 2017, 01:14:09 AM
5/9/17

Today was an awful day, I almost ended up relapsing. I had decided that I was going to go home and PMO, but something inside me told me to not do it because of the guilt and shame I would feel for doing it, I even started to rub my dick a little bit, but I pulled myself out of it. I have felt depressed, lonely, and worthless for the past few days. It's so shitty too when society says that feeling depressed or angry is not ok. Like, you're a man, you're supposed to show no emotion and be fearless and brave. It's bullshit, but oh well I guess. I'm not going to believe it, it may always be there, but I won't believe it.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on May 10, 2017, 11:09:19 PM
5/10/17

Still had some stuff that pissed me off early in the day, but overall it was a better day. I'm hopeful that some things in my life will start to change soon.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on May 11, 2017, 10:14:14 PM
5/11/17

A good day I guess, kinda boring, but good
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on May 12, 2017, 10:06:15 PM
5/12/17

I have just felt flat and emotionless for the past couple weeks. Might just be a side effect of not engaging in PMO. Just gotta keep going and take this slowly and one day at a time.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on May 13, 2017, 10:50:13 PM
5/13/17

Still feel very flat and emotionless. Everything just feels boring, work in particular is kinda stressful. Just takes a lot out of me emotionally, oh well, that's life I guess.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on May 14, 2017, 09:23:14 PM
5/14/17

Keep getting stressed over things that aren't harmful or worth worrying about, but hey, that's ok. I shouldn't try to not feel stressed or angry or upset, because those are all perfectly normal, healthy human emotions. I guess it's just when they happen more often than not that it's considered detrimental to my quality of life. All in all, it was a decent day.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Elguía on May 14, 2017, 10:32:06 PM
Hi Jake, how many days without porn you have now? Anyway, good luck with your challenge. Greetings from LATAM
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on May 15, 2017, 09:16:28 PM
Hi Jake, how many days without porn you have now? Anyway, good luck with your challenge. Greetings from LATAM

64 now without PMO or MO. I try not to get caught up in the numbers too much, but reaching milestones is always cool, lol. And thanks, good luck to you too.

5/15/17

I've been really worried lately, it's not fun. I always imagine every little thing that can go wrong, I guess that's just my ocd mind talking. Didn't PMO, so I can call it a good day.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on May 16, 2017, 09:18:13 PM
5/16/17

I've been really worried today, but I didn't let it control me, so that's a good sign. I've felt like isolating instead of going out and talking to people lately, just don't feel as if I have the energy to socialize all the time, people just wear me out, but I guess that's also because I'm an introvert.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on May 17, 2017, 11:32:00 PM
5/17/17

No PMO or MO today, good day.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on May 18, 2017, 10:12:55 PM
5/18/17

God, I'm so fucking done with this bullshit. I'm such a basket case that I can't even make myself competent in any type of social situation. I'm 67 days into no PMO  and I can't even go out and talk to women, even though I've done it before, I don't know what I want for my career, and my gains in the gym have hit a brick wall for the past few months because my technique is ass when the weight gets heavy. I can't seem to find anybody to hang out with either, this is just a fucking dumpster fire disaster.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: johnleesmith65 on May 19, 2017, 06:16:28 AM
Do whatever makes you happy and you have interest in, for career.
Don't go for money when choosing career.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on May 19, 2017, 09:32:41 PM
Do whatever makes you happy and you have interest in, for career.
Don't go for money when choosing career.

Ya, I know what you mean.

5/19/17

A better day today, even though I couldn't really sleep last night, damn, I hate anxiety.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on May 20, 2017, 10:36:45 PM
5/20/17

Couldn't sleep again last night. I'm coming off of trazodone, since I've been taking it for a while and my body is so used to it, I've had a couple nights of crappy sleep, oh well. Hopefully I can sleep soon.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on May 22, 2017, 12:10:25 AM
5/21/17

Ughhh had to work 15 hours today, I'm exhausted. Time for bed.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on May 22, 2017, 11:51:07 PM
5/22/17

Really good day, hung out with some friends and felt really confident in myself. It seems to be getting better the more I worry about myself and not others.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on May 23, 2017, 09:45:40 PM
5/23/17

Pretty good day overall. Got a lot of things done that needed to be done, went to the gym, returned a package, turned in some stuff for work, bought a new stereo deck for my car, and bought a plane ticket for a trip I'm taking in July.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on May 24, 2017, 09:42:40 PM
5/24/17

Pretty ok day except for my weight training session, my gains have hit a brick wall. I'll be making more money and working more to save up and move out of my house, so that's good. Only a matter of time now.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on May 25, 2017, 09:40:40 PM
5/25/17

Finally got some really good sleep and felt refreshed, however, I'm having problems getting my point across at work due to social anxiety. It's hard to get your point across by not being too passive and not being too much of a jerk at the same time, just gotta keep working on it I guess.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on May 26, 2017, 10:54:03 PM
5/26/17

A good day, got some great sleep again, flirted with this girl who was cutting my hair, and felt as if I was doing better at work. Although one thing I constantly question is what I want my life to be about, I think I'm headed in the right direction, but it can be confusing because I may think I know what I want, but it may not be what I expect it to be or my values and preferences may change over time, it's confusing at times, it's hard to know what you want when there's so many choices and directions you can go.......
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on May 28, 2017, 12:18:07 AM
5/27/17

Pretty crappy day, I'm discouraged about a lot of things.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on May 28, 2017, 09:08:18 PM
5/28/17

Work was stressful, but I'm slowly starting to do better at it, which is a good sign.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on May 29, 2017, 11:08:25 PM
5/29/17

Pretty good day, went to the mall and talked to some people that were working there, it's amazing how much better things go when you talk to people just for fun rather than putting a ton of pressure on myself to say the right things, try to make the other person like me, etc. Also went to the gym and had a pretty productive day.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on May 30, 2017, 09:02:18 PM
5/30/17

Kind of a boring day, ready to get back into things soon. I feel terrible too, I have a giant headache.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: IAddict on May 30, 2017, 11:24:25 PM
hey jake,

Just curious, what day are you on? I see your posts every day when I come onto post and was just wondering where youre at? Goodluck!
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on May 31, 2017, 09:14:07 PM
hey jake,

Just curious, what day are you on? I see your posts every day when I come onto post and was just wondering where youre at? Goodluck!

Hey man, I've been free from PMO 80 days after today. I honestly try not to get caught up on the numbers because I guess the real measure of success is how my life improves. I guess it's cool to reach milestones though haha. I'm only 10 days from the "90 day challenge" thing, if I can reach that, that will be cool I guess haha.

5/31/17

Work has been stressing me out lately, its a lot to deal with right now working full time at a job like the one I have. But, the show must go on.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on June 01, 2017, 09:18:36 PM
6/1/17

Ughhh kind of a boring day, my job has been stressful and boring. I also keep having obsessive thoughts about stupid things that don't even make sense. I've been stressing a lot about uncomfortable bodily sensations that I'm having such as my skin being dry and itchy, acne and pimples, and this coughing tic I feel the need to engage in when I feel a strong urge in the back if my throat. I keep getting a bloody/stuffy nose and stomach cramps/pains. Ahhhh, the stress and warm weather must be getting to me, I need a waterpark or a nice, cool hotel room and a week long trip away from work lol. I get to go to Denver for a few days in July though, so that'll be nice, lol.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: IAddict on June 02, 2017, 11:34:52 AM
Hey Jake,

Keep going strong man! You are motivation for me right now to keep moving too. I personally keep track of my days and am on day 23, and have never made it passed day 30. Stay strong, my goal is to get where you are at right now.

- IAddict
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on June 02, 2017, 10:11:56 PM
Hey Jake,

Keep going strong man! You are motivation for me right now to keep moving too. I personally keep track of my days and am on day 23, and have never made it passed day 30. Stay strong, my goal is to get where you are at right now.

- IAddict

Thanks man, good to know I'm inspiring others to live better lives. Best of luck to you.

6/2/17

A pretty good day, had some ups and downs, just like always. Work was really stressful at first, but I think I'm slowly starting to get a grip on some of the situations I have to deal with. Weight training session was ok, but still a lot of things to work on, mainly my technique/form.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on June 03, 2017, 10:35:52 PM
6/3/17

Ok, right after I posted yesterday, work turned into absolute chaos. It has been super stressful and anxiety-inducing. Ughhh, it's really starting to get tough, all I can do is my best though.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on June 04, 2017, 10:36:51 PM
6/4/17

Another stressful day at work, at least I get a couple days off, man this is challenging to take on right now.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on June 05, 2017, 09:13:47 PM
6/5/17

Today has been a really terrible day. I'm struggling to determine what the hell I want out of life and what the hell my values are. It's just a big question mark as to who I am and what I want to stand for.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on June 06, 2017, 09:41:56 PM
6/6/17

Another difficult day. I feel as if I have to change who I am in order to have success in life, to have relationships, and to be happier all around. Being shy and an introvert during adolescence and early adulthood is incredibly painful. I feel as if I'll never get to experience what most people do due to my anxiety, I can't get out of my head and stop obsessing over and over about things. Why can't I just have a normal freaking brain? Everything is so overstimulating and being around people and a ton of noise wears me the hell out. It sucks so bad. Disaster and failure seem to linger around every corner, things always feel like they're going to go wrong. I sit here in my head imagining every possible disastrous scenario that could happen. I thought I would like my new job, but it's honestly stressful and exhausting as all hell. It's always so loud and chaotic, things are unorganized and spontaneous. There aren't really any logical thinkers or ambitious people. I don't really like the people I work with either, they're loud mouths who have little sympathy and don't really care. I'm not really sure what I'm going to do here. I've thought about owning my own gym, but that takes years to accomplish. Maybe if I get started on the right track and learn how to run a business, learn about human anatomy, biology, and physiology than I could be a coach and train people as well? I don't know, I've always been really interested in sports/strength and conditioning and the human body, maybe that would be a good route to go in, look for a job at a gym or something? Idk, it's a mystery at this point....
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on June 07, 2017, 11:31:55 PM
6/7/17

Had a pretty good day today except work, work is still stressful as hell. I'm contemplating finding a new job, this isn't really working out for me. I don't really like any of the people I work with either.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on June 09, 2017, 12:17:23 AM
6/8/17

Really long day, had to practically work for 13 hours today, but hey, at least it wasn't that chaotic. Money is always good too. Lol.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on June 09, 2017, 09:16:53 PM
6/9/17

Ughhh, I'm so freaking tired of work right now, I just wish I could be off for like 2 weeks and have a vacation. Pretty decent day though, the one thing I hate about the summer is that my nose and mouth are always dry. Uggghhhhh.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on June 10, 2017, 11:10:01 PM
6/10/17

Holy hell. Work almost gave me a heart attack today. Imagine having to handle five out of control, impulsive, juvenile delinquent boys all by yourself. Yeah, well that was me. Two of them started punching the shit out of each other, they were also in a cafeteria, so they were throwing chairs and screaming. I had to physically restrain one of them. I eventually had someone come to help me, but not before things really got out of control.I'm done with today, ughhh goodnight, lol.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on June 11, 2017, 09:20:11 PM
6/11/17

Had another difficult day at work. At least I don't have to go back until Wedneseday. I'll look for a new job until then. I'm simply not having a good time here, it's hard to make friends with coworkers, everybody is extremely rude and ignorant, and it's not organized very well. Kind of just a big, ridiculous mess. Nobody really wants to do anything either. I know I shouldn't make excuses, but these things certainly don't make my job any easier. I need to do a better job at a lot of things, but nobody really wants to be organized and strict. It's kind of just random and spontaneous.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on June 12, 2017, 09:51:40 PM
6/12/17

Had a pretty good day today, felt a little down later in the day, but I have a lot of things to look forward to. I'm getting online coaching for my weight training, so it should help me to get much stronger and should also help me to fix some of my problems with technique when the weight on the bar gets heavy. Really excited about getting this opportunity, should be very beneficial.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on June 13, 2017, 09:11:39 PM
6/13/17

Ughhhhh my ocd mind is going crazy thinking about all of the options I have for my future, where I can go, where I'll end up and it's giving me a damned headache. I really don't want to go back to work tomorrow either, but hey, at least I applied for a couple new jobs today. I feel kinda stuck as far as relationships with women goes. I'm really busy and online dating can lead back to PMO, so I'm not sure what to do because there's really nobody at work I can ask out, there's the gym I go to I guess, there's a few cute girls in there, I guess maybe they know a friend of theirs that will maybe work out? I've tried asking out a couple girls at the mall, but they both said they're not interested/seeing someone else. Not sure how to get a girl friend or girls in general, but fuck it I guess. Shouldn't expect that having a girlfriend will change my life or make me happy anyways.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on June 14, 2017, 09:21:12 PM
6/14/17

A pretty decent day overall, besides throwing up earlier in the day due to working out too hard lol.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on June 15, 2017, 09:19:17 PM
6/15/17

Pretty good day, I got a message from a place I'd really like to work, I will probably have a phone interview tomorrow, I'm really hoping I can land myself this job!! I'm crossing my fingers......
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on June 16, 2017, 09:11:17 PM
6/16/17

Well, today started off pretty well and I got the new job!! Only thing is, I won't start until August :/
I was pretty anxious during the second half of the day too. Just worrying about a lot of things and felt a little insecure, but that's life I guess.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on June 17, 2017, 11:13:44 PM
6/17/17

Well today has been draining, I'm really tired lately and work was tough today. I'm really quite afraid that I might get injured or seriously hurt, it sucks to have to go to work with a ton of fear every day as well as getting yelled at and insulted.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on June 18, 2017, 09:22:33 PM
6/18/17

A pretty good day today, I am extremely tired, though. I could honestly sleep for 2 days straight. I've been so tired lately, plus I get a couple days off from work, time to relax, lol.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on June 19, 2017, 10:17:12 PM
6/19/17

Had a pretty good day today. Gym was good and I was chilling and relaxing at home for my day off, I really needed it, lol.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on June 20, 2017, 09:02:28 PM
6/20/17

Well damn today has been kinda tough for me, I'm just at a point where I don't really know what to believe, there's so much shit out there that people try to sell to you, and I just don't really know what my values are or what I truly want, kind of facing an existential crisis and it hasn't been a very fun experience.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on June 21, 2017, 09:29:14 PM
6/21/17

I've felt absolutely terrible today. I feel burned out and exhausted, as well as really stressed for some reason. The place I want to work called me back and continued a phone interview with me. I was a nervous wreck and felt like I did pretty bad for the most part, but I guess I somehow redeemed myself and they want me to come in for an in person interview on Monday. They called me at the worst possible time, while I was busy at my other job and my phone was almost dead, so I was trying like he'll to multitask between the two situations and was stressed and nervous on top of that. I've been such a basket case lately, people in general just stress me the hell out and make me nervous as hell. I guess I've been doing a lot this week too because I've been walking up to random girls that are attractive to me and asking them out, so that can cause a lot of anxiety because I never thought it could be as simple or as easy as that, but I guess it is, it's just really hard and scary because I've lived a good part of my adolescence and young adult life in fear.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Spiritseeker on June 22, 2017, 12:31:31 AM
Hello, Jake323. I must say I read a big part of your journal and can testify you seem to have had a tremendous success at your reboot so far. You're probably reaching 90 days this week and that would be a great achievement for me if I got there as well. No matter what happens and what you feel, keep working. I'm also in a process of getting a new job after poor decisions I made in the past few months and I know how stressful this kind of situation is. During interviews, I would try to be true and sincere about my intentions and the good work I could bring for the company. That may calm you down and make things sound natural. Good luck, mate!
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on June 22, 2017, 09:03:59 PM
Hello, Jake323. I must say I read a big part of your journal and can testify you seem to have had a tremendous success at your reboot so far. You're probably reaching 90 days this week and that would be a great achievement for me if I got there as well. No matter what happens and what you feel, keep working. I'm also in a process of getting a new job after poor decisions I made in the past few months and I know how stressful this kind of situation is. During interviews, I would try to be true and sincere about my intentions and the good work I could bring for the company. That may calm you down and make things sound natural. Good luck, mate!

Thanks, brother. It's been definitely tough for sure but worth it in so many ways. Good luck to you as well and thanks for the advice!

6/22/17

I didn't sleep very well last night and had to work for 14 hours today, sooooo yeah, I'm pretty damned tired. Hopefully I'll be able to sleep tonight, which I think I'll be able to if I have good sleep hygiene and stuff lol.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on June 23, 2017, 09:04:29 PM
6/23/17

Got some better sleep last night, feeling better today. Just another ordinary day for me.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on June 24, 2017, 09:25:20 PM
6/24/17

An alright day, pretty ordinary again.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on June 25, 2017, 09:36:13 PM
6/25/17

Today has been a really good day, work was pretty easy and I got to go out to dinner with a friend of mine from the gym I go to, now I get a couple days off to just relax.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on June 26, 2017, 10:00:55 PM
6/26/17

Had a great day today, killed it at my job interview and had a good gym session
 Now I have to go in tomorrow for a final job interview, I'm hoping I can do well so I get this job!!!
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on June 27, 2017, 11:20:20 PM
6/27/17

Yess!! I got the job!!! I get a bunch of benefits and perks that start day one, so excited to start in about a month. Also hung out with some friends and had a great time, awesome day today.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Spiritseeker on June 27, 2017, 11:49:03 PM
6/27/17

Yess!! I got the job!!! I get a bunch of benefits and perks that start day one, so excited to start in about a month. Also hung out with some friends and had a great time, awesome day today.

Congratulations, Jake323. As far as I can remember, getting this new job would be a real achievement for you. Everything I can wish you now is EVEN MORE SUCCESS. Go ahead!
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on June 28, 2017, 09:11:50 PM
6/27/17

Yess!! I got the job!!! I get a bunch of benefits and perks that start day one, so excited to start in about a month. Also hung out with some friends and had a great time, awesome day today.

Congratulations, Jake323. As far as I can remember, getting this new job would be a real achievement for you. Everything I can wish you now is EVEN MORE SUCCESS. Go ahead!

Thank you very much good sir!

6/28/17

Had an alright day today. Pretty ordinary day nothing much really happened.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on June 29, 2017, 09:23:02 PM
6/29/17

I was really tired today. It took me a while to wake up and get my day going, but I was able to do that once I started to move a little bit.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on June 30, 2017, 09:10:11 PM
6/30/17

Had a pretty decent day today, but my sleep has sucked the past couple nights, oh well. I guess it just happens sometimes when you're stressed.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on July 01, 2017, 09:03:10 PM
7/1/17

Today has been tough. The negative thoughts and anxiety has been tough to accept. As well as the storyline/content of my negative thoughts, it feels very real. Just a lot of uncertainty running through my mind about my life, it hasn't been the most pleasant thing in the world.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on July 02, 2017, 09:00:32 PM
7/2/17

I've been in my head a lot today, the content in my mind seems very important, but I'm trying to just ignore it.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on July 03, 2017, 10:32:02 PM
7/3/17

Started out as a pretty bad day, but got better. I asked out this girl in my gym for coffee, apparently she was only in town for a couple days but oh well, it was worth a shot. Lifting however, has been hard, I have been feeling a lot of random aches and pains. It's not the most painful thing in the world, but it's just an annoying, nagging pain.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on July 04, 2017, 08:58:12 PM
7/4/17

Had an ok 4th of July I guess. Went out to dinner with some friends and had a good laugh. I've been really worried about stupid shit again, however.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on July 05, 2017, 10:06:02 PM
7/5/17

Life has been tough lately. I'm having a lot of feelings of shame and guilt. Being vulnerable with others is extremely difficult because I've interacted with others on such a shallow level for most of my adolescence and young adulthood. My motivation hasn't been the same the past few days. I've been feeling a lot of fear and anger as well.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on July 06, 2017, 09:11:03 PM
7/6/17

Had an alright day. Kinda boring, but most days are boring and ordinary.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on July 07, 2017, 11:54:19 PM
7/7/17

Had kind of a shitty day today, felt pretty depressed and lonely. Went out with some friends and drank a little too much, but hey I guess that's life, there's shitty days and good days.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on July 08, 2017, 09:10:15 PM
7/8/17

Had an ordinary day today, not a whole lot happened.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on July 09, 2017, 10:43:01 PM
7/9/17

Pretty good day today, work was fairly easy so not too much to worry about. Time to relax, I'm exhausted.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on July 11, 2017, 08:08:28 AM
7/10/17

Had a great day today, got a good workout, dropped off papers at my new job, and asked out four different girls in less than a half hour, one of them being pretty damned awkward. But that's progress! The ones that go bad teach me the most, it's only a matter if doing it now. Excited to go on my trip to Denver this week too! Going to be a fun time and a good week.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on July 11, 2017, 09:01:16 PM
7/11/17

Had a lot of ruminative/obsessive thoughts today, but was able to act in spite of them. Had a pretty good day, excited to leave on my trip to Denver on Thursday!
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on July 12, 2017, 10:49:13 PM
7/12/17

Finally done with work for a while, time to relax and have fun on my trip!!
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on July 13, 2017, 09:02:00 PM
7/13/17

Had a good flight to Denver and my hotel room is super nice. Chilled by the pool today and had a good dinner, now.its time for bed.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on July 14, 2017, 10:47:19 PM
7/14/17

Had another great day, met a lot if awesome people at the starting strength seminar and got to chill out and relax again, a long day tomorrow is ahead of me....gonna be fun again.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on July 15, 2017, 10:28:29 PM
7/15/17

Had a great day at the starting strength seminar. Met a lot of really cool people and got to get some professional input on my lifting technique, excited for tomorrow!
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on July 16, 2017, 09:40:34 PM
7/16/17

Had another great day at the seminar, time to get some rest and then head back home tomorrow. I'm pretty damned tired.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on July 17, 2017, 09:02:07 PM
7/17/17

It's good to be home, time to watch some Netflix and relax until bed.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on July 18, 2017, 11:37:36 PM
7/18/17

Had a pretty decent day, there were parts of it that sucked, as well as parts of it that went alright. Only two more weeks at my current shitty job, then I'll be starting my new job and going back to school soon. Probably going to move out in the next month as well. Oh, how things are changing.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on July 19, 2017, 09:39:07 PM
7/19/17

Was pretty tired today. Felt pretty sluggish and unmotivated. I just want to go home, I don't want to work here anymore. It freaking sucks, ughhh, only twelve more days until I'm done.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on July 20, 2017, 09:11:10 PM
7/20/17

Had a pretty good day today, ready to move out of my house though, probably only a couple more weeks until that's a reality, if not sooner. I have a lot of changes happening in my life, this will be my first time in my life where I won't be living with my parents. Being 21 definitely gives me hope that there is still a lot of time for me to figure things out. I'm ready for a change, my current life is getting old.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on July 21, 2017, 10:17:40 PM
7/21/17

Had a pretty good day today. Everything went well and I officially gave my two weeks at my current job, only two more weeks here until I can leave, counting the days now.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on July 22, 2017, 09:02:43 PM
7/22/17

Kind of a good day and bad day at the same time. Some asshat at the gym kept bothering me, so I got out late, work has been pretty stressful, but at the same time I've felt calm and care-free. Kind of weird.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on July 23, 2017, 09:23:24 PM
7/23/17

Pretty good day. Glad that I have a couple days off of work, it's time to relax and chill for a little bit.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on July 24, 2017, 09:04:01 PM
7/24/17

Had a good day today. Got to relax and hang out with some friends, also cleaned up a lot of stuff at home.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on July 25, 2017, 09:46:47 PM
7/25/17

Had a great day today, had a good gym session and got to see a movie with friends, kind of dreading work tomorrow, at least I only have 8 more days left.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on July 26, 2017, 09:04:18 PM
7/26/17

I have felt pretty depressed and anxious today. I'm ruminating on a lot of things, I keep thinking over and over about stupid things that probably aren't even relevant, but alas, my mind will not shut up. I feel almost paranoid, like danger and failure are around every corner.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on July 27, 2017, 10:35:11 PM
7/27/17

Had a pretty good day today, was very productive and got a lot of things done. I'm going to try and find a place that I can move into tomorrow. I'm excited to start living on my own, I'm ready for a change.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on July 28, 2017, 09:05:38 PM
7/28/17

Had a normal day. Not much happened and just one of those days where nothing really happened and I was bored. Pretty typical. Lol.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on July 29, 2017, 11:08:25 PM
7/29/17

Had a pretty good day today, but I am tired as hell. This will be the last time I'll have to work until midnight and wake up at 7 am.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on July 30, 2017, 09:00:02 PM
7/30/17

Ughhh, I'm totally exhausted, need some damn sleep. The day went alright though.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on July 31, 2017, 09:49:07 PM
7/31/17

Had kind of a crappy day today. I've felt very lonely and isolated. I've just been really bored too. I keep reaching out to people, but keep getting ignored and rejected. I know I shouldn't dwell on it, but I would be lying if I said it isn't painful and depressing. Ughhh, my mind is a constant jumble of trying to make decisions, I fear that I'll take one wrong step or make one wrong decision and screw everything up.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on August 01, 2017, 09:38:04 PM
8/1/17

Today wasn't great, but it was better than yesterday. Had a 30 minute conversation with this cute girl at the mall, got my workout done today, then went home and chilled. Only three more days at my shitty job at least.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on August 02, 2017, 09:23:09 PM
8/2/17

Really boring day today. There wasn't much to do and I couldn't really think of anything to do. And I had to go to work, but only two more days left, sick and tired of this job, excited to start my new one.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on August 03, 2017, 09:08:19 PM
8/3/17

Today was a pretty good day. Really chill day at work, and it's also my second to last day here. Was able to stay in the present moment throughout the day.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on August 04, 2017, 09:01:59 PM
8/4/17

Finally done with this job. Oh my goodness, that felt like an eternity, but it's finally time for a change. This is good.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on August 05, 2017, 11:41:05 PM
8/5/17

Wow. What a day. I'm officially moving out of my house, me and my roommate met up today and signed a 12 month lease. Now all I have to do is move all of my stuff out. I went to a wedding reception and talked on the microphone in front of 100+ people I mostly didn't know. It was terrifying, but I'm glad I did it. My legs were literally shaking, lol. Keep in mind that alcohol was being served, and I had exactly zero drops of it, I was just fine without it, talked to a lot of different people just fine without it.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on August 06, 2017, 09:33:16 PM
8/6/17

Had a good gym session today, also excited to start my new job tomorrow, also had a good talk with my brother today.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on August 07, 2017, 08:36:49 PM
8/7/17

Started at my new job today, seems like a really great place to work, great environment and lots of opportunities. I'm excited to get to work.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on August 08, 2017, 08:03:01 PM
8/8/17

Had a great dat at work again, it was a lot of fun and my coworkers are really nice, cool people. Excited about all the opportunities to grow in the place I work for as well as all the benefits!
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on August 09, 2017, 07:01:51 PM
8/9/17

Well I officially moved out of my house today. It's going to be weird for a few days getting used to the fact that I'm not a kid anymore. That I'm out in the world on my own.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on August 11, 2017, 10:05:34 PM
8/10/17

Today was kind of a tough day. I was caught up in my head a lot and didn't know what to do.

8/11/17

Today was tough at first, but ended up being alright. I keep having negative thoughts about a lot of things, but I'm still moving forward in my life which is good.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jack Can on August 11, 2017, 10:50:48 PM
hey man!
I'm also 21 and we have some similar goals. I noticed you went to a starting strength seminar awhile back, just curious if you could post your weights on this every once in awhile to see how we improve haha. I've just started doing stronglifts and it would be cool to have someone I could build up with, unless you started a long time ago.

Also the girls lol, I suck at talking to them but I'm trying to get better. That's all I can really say about that, I watch youtube videos about it, but don't have much practical experience
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on August 12, 2017, 09:22:54 PM
hey man!
I'm also 21 and we have some similar goals. I noticed you went to a starting strength seminar awhile back, just curious if you could post your weights on this every once in awhile to see how we improve haha. I've just started doing stronglifts and it would be cool to have someone I could build up with, unless you started a long time ago.

Also the girls lol, I suck at talking to them but I'm trying to get better. That's all I can really say about that, I watch youtube videos about it, but don't have much practical experience

Hey man. Yeah, I went to the one in Denver recently. Honestly, it just takes practice and repetition with talking to the ladies. I'm still not amazing at it, but I'm still a hell of a lot better than I used to be. The thought of asking out a girl and getting rejected used to scare the living shit out of me. But now, not really. If they don't want me in their life, it's their loss because I know deep down that I've done things most people will never even attempt to do. That I've been to hell and back, that I've struggled for years and been in counseling for years and that I'm finally well enough to where I don't need it, and that gives me confidence in myself. I'll probably post my lifts soon too. Just whenever I hit a PR mostly.

8/12/17

Had a pretty good day today, had a solid gym session and got to go back to my old house and get some more stuff to move in to my new house.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on August 13, 2017, 07:59:12 PM
8/13/17

Had a pretty good day today, some difficult emotions were present, but I still got everything done that I needed to.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on August 14, 2017, 08:04:52 PM
8/14/17

Had a pretty decent day I guess. Went to work, then came home and did some grocery shopping, then went out in the town to try and find some girls to ask out. Ended up asking one out, but she already had a boyfriend. I've heard that line about 10 times in a row now.....
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on August 16, 2017, 06:48:11 AM
8/15/17

Had kind of a shitty day today. Work was kind if tough and my workout didn't go too well either. There's always tomorrow though.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on August 16, 2017, 03:57:54 PM
8/16/17

Today has been ok I guess. Kind of boring, but I've been able to chill and relax for a bit which is nice.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on August 17, 2017, 08:31:52 PM
8/17/17

A decent day, ready for the weekend though.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on August 18, 2017, 07:49:33 PM
8/18/17

I'm honestly exhausted. I'm so damned tired. I just want to sleep for like two weeks lol. It's finally the weekend at least lol.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on August 20, 2017, 12:24:30 AM
8/19/17

Had a pretty good day, my sister got married today which is pretty weird. I might be an uncle soon lol.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on August 20, 2017, 03:27:31 PM
8/20/17

I've been really tired today and haven't been able to stay awake, plus I'm confused about some things, which is mentally draining, ughhh.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on August 21, 2017, 05:06:51 PM
8/21/17

Today has been pretty depressing. Everybody in my department at work is doing better than me and I realized that I'm 22 in November and I'm still a virgin. Pretty depressing and painful to say the least. I don't even really know what the hell I want as far as dating/romance goes. Not sure if I want to casually date, get married way down the road or what, but it's stressing me the fuck out. Worse, I haven't PMO for like over 5 months now and I still feel terrible shame for being a virgin and just shame and anxiety about sex in general. It's really all I can think about, it seems like the most important thing ever, and my mind won't shut the fuck up about it, ughhh. It's not like I haven't tried, I've tried asking about different girls in person, online dating, but I just don't seem to be getting anywhere, it's so annoying.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jack Can on August 21, 2017, 06:06:23 PM
Just start casually dating people and see where it goes. I think it's fun to learn how you meld with different peoples personalities. Also, what helped me out when I was the worst person at work was just not identifying myself with my job. You being bad at your job doesn't say anything about you as a person, and neither does being a virgin. Stay true to yourself and it will all work out, that sounds easy but it is one of the hardest things to do in life.

Goodluck man
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: summercicada90 on August 22, 2017, 12:52:30 AM
I second this. Being a virgin doesn't matter.

I have a female cousin who dumped a guy she was dating, because on the second date he was already asking how many kids she wanted to have. There's no reason to get ahead of yourself or even start thinking about marriage now. The whole point is to enjoy the present as much as possible and make fond memories with the girl you're dating. Remember, those who live in the past are depressed, those who live in the future are anxious, but those who live in the present are at peace. If it leads to marriage, cool. If not, cool.

Remember: The object is to say, "This person is practically nothing like me. What IS she like, then?"
Or she could be exactly like you. Either way, like Jack said, the point is to see how you meld with her personality.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on August 23, 2017, 03:27:28 PM
Thanks for the advice guys, it's just been a rough past couple days I suppose. Much easier said than done to not focus on others, but goodness gracious does the pressure get to you sometimes lol.

8/22/17

Yesterday was actually a pretty good day. I had a really good gym session and had a good day at work.

8/23/17

Today has been alright so far, I start classes tonight, so I guess we'll see how that goes. Hopefully it's interesting or intellectually stimulating.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on August 24, 2017, 07:13:41 PM
8/24/17

Damn, today has been exhausting to say the least. I honestly feel like there is never enough time during the day for me to do what I need to. It honestly stresses me out. But oh well, if this was easy than everybody would be doing it. Just gotta keep going and never quit.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on August 25, 2017, 06:08:44 PM
8/25/17

Had an alright day today, I'm just felt kind of neutral and just meh towards mostly everything.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on August 26, 2017, 06:42:11 PM
8/26/17

Pretty good day todat, had a solid gym session and get to chill and relax now after a long week.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on August 27, 2017, 03:57:02 PM
8/27/17

Had a pretty good day again. Time to chill and relax before work tomorrow, it's gonna be a long week ahead of me lol.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on August 28, 2017, 03:24:01 PM
8/28/17

I'm really tired and I didn't sleep too well last night, I honestly need to just sleep, I'm so damn tired.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on August 29, 2017, 12:28:09 PM
8/29/17

Today has been garbage. I fuck up every little thing at work, I'm still one of the, if not the worst in our department out of like 20 people and I've worked my ass off. My homework didn't submit last night for some reason, so even though I did the work, I still get 0 points because of the stupid fucking website not working. Annnnd my waist got bigger over the week, even though I followed my program, today has been a shitshow joke for me fml.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on August 30, 2017, 01:42:54 PM
8/30/17

Today has been better, but I'm very stressed and overwhelmed right now, there's a lot on my plate I have to deal with.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jack Can on August 30, 2017, 03:59:30 PM
you should quit your job. It seems to bring a lot of negativity into your life.

Also, I recommend emptying that plate haha. Your young! No need to be stressed out
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on August 31, 2017, 03:47:29 PM
Yeah, I know. I guess I shouldn't be worried too much, but we live in a very competitive world. It's just been a bad last week or so I guess.

8/31/17

Had a pretty good day today, listening to the Adam carolla show in your car is always a good thing too.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on September 01, 2017, 03:16:20 PM
9/1/17

Been a pretty good day so far, although I'm really tired and exhausted.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on September 02, 2017, 02:02:02 PM
9/2/17

Had a pretty good day today, time to relax for a little bit.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on September 03, 2017, 11:42:02 AM
9/3/17

Ugghh I can't believe I only get one day off this week, I'm so exhausted.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on September 04, 2017, 01:46:09 PM
9/4/17

Surprisingly had a pretty good day, won a gift card at work and I get a day off from school for labor day, time to chill for a few hors...
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on September 05, 2017, 09:54:29 AM
9/5/17

I've had a shit day so far, work isn't going well, not really sure what else to do. Maybe just try harder and work even harder I suppose.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on September 06, 2017, 09:57:41 AM
9/6/17

Today has been much better than yesterday, so far at least, let's keep it going!
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on September 07, 2017, 09:54:06 AM
9/7/17

Today has been good so far, hopefully it will stay that way, then I can go home and watch pats vs chiefs opening kickoff and my day will be complete!
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on September 08, 2017, 12:19:15 PM
9/8/17

I've had a great day so far, hopefully it stays that way!
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on September 09, 2017, 01:56:27 PM
9/9/17

I've had a good day so far, but my thoughts are crazy and going all over the place, it's been tough to deal with.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on September 10, 2017, 03:18:19 PM
9/10/17

I really don't want to go to work tomorrow, ughhh, it's going to be brutal. My day has been alright, but I'm really freaking tired.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on September 11, 2017, 03:31:46 PM
9/11/17

Today has been alright so far I guess, not really sure what to put here.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on September 12, 2017, 09:56:13 AM
9/12/17

Today has been a pretty good day so far, let's keep it going and hopefully I can end the day on a strong note.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on September 13, 2017, 09:56:22 AM
9/13/17

The last 24 hours have been terrible, I've felt deeply anxious and depressed, it hasn't been fun, things have been tough.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on September 14, 2017, 09:57:31 AM
9/14/17

Today has been a better day, I'm still confused and super decisive about what I want as far as dating goes, but I've realize what it's ok to take my time and think about things, there really is no rush or pressure at this point.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: movingrock on September 15, 2017, 04:47:12 AM
Hi Jake, i want to wish you good luck for all of your journey, i read it all till here. I am realizing by reading your journel that it is amazingly possible for me to change if only just dont stop and try to improve at least a bit per day. Thanks keep going.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on September 15, 2017, 09:51:35 AM
Thanks buddy! I appreciate that, it's tough, but it is possible, good luck to you as well!

9/15/17

It's Friday and I'll be off work to go and relax soon, so that is a good thing.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on September 16, 2017, 12:39:42 PM
9/16/17

Had a pretty good day yesterday, got to get some good food and had a great workout at the gym, so that's a plus.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on September 17, 2017, 02:10:39 PM
9/17/17

Had a pretty good day, I'm still on the fence about a lot of things,  but I think that's a good thing, better to take things one day at a time rather than rushing through everything.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on September 18, 2017, 09:50:07 AM
9/18/17
I have had a pretty good day so far. Work has been going well and I think my focus is improving as well.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on September 19, 2017, 02:01:42 PM
9/19/17

Had a pretty good day today, but I couldn't get to work because some jackass parked right behind me so I couldn't leave. I had Thursday off so I just called my work and they said they'd switch today for Thursday, so I got the day off which is nice, but irritating that someone would do that.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on September 20, 2017, 09:55:58 AM
9/20/17

I've been really bored lately, everything is a drag and a pain in the ass. Ughhh, I hate that dull boredom that just lingers lol.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on September 21, 2017, 06:57:54 PM
9/21/17

Well I asked out this girl from my work for coffee today, she said she'd be down. I'll probably see if she's down for it in a couple days.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on September 22, 2017, 09:57:43 AM
9/22/17

I've had a pretty good day so far, I've been doing well at work, hopefully that stays the same.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on September 23, 2017, 04:20:38 PM
9/23/17

Had a pretty decent day today I guess, I honestly just want to sleep though ughhh I'm freaking exhausted.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on September 24, 2017, 03:47:09 PM
9/24/17

Get to chill and watch some football today, next week I've gotta go balls to the wall though so I can get to where I want to. Really need to work hard this next week.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on September 25, 2017, 08:55:18 AM
9/25/17

Had a pretty good day today, was a bit stressed about work this week, but I'm slowly catching up.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on September 26, 2017, 08:54:28 AM
9/26/17

Asked another girl out for coffee, she already had a boyfriend though, ughhh. This sucks lol. Oh well, at least my self-confidence is rising from getting rejected over and over again, pretty soon, it will be cake.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jack Can on September 26, 2017, 10:00:07 AM
sweet, man! Haha rejection isn't nearly as bad as people think it is. I feel super empowered after
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on September 27, 2017, 07:09:44 PM
sweet, man! Haha rejection isn't nearly as bad as people think it is. I feel super empowered after

Definitely! It isn't really about getting her number or dates or whatever, if that happens, it's great, but it's about improving YOUR self-confidence and making it so YOU are better at talking to girls, anf if she says no or is rude about it, it's her loss anyways.

9/27/17

Had a pretty good day today, got to relax and also had a great day at work and at the gym.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on September 28, 2017, 12:12:45 PM
9/28/17

Mindful hearing, imagining vital action, leaves on a stream meditation

Engaged in valued actions even though I was having difficult emotions and thoughts present
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on September 28, 2017, 12:14:39 PM
9/28/17

Had a pretty good day, got a lot of things done and had a good workout at the gym.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on September 29, 2017, 12:08:32 PM
9/29/17

Had a good day, and now it's time for the weekend and time to chill!
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on September 30, 2017, 12:24:32 PM
9/30/17

Had a great day yesterday, was very productive and got a lot of things out of the way and done, now it's time to relax.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on October 01, 2017, 01:17:54 PM
10/1/17

Had a pretty great day yesterday, had a great workout and got to chill with some friends, time to watch some football and then get ready for work next week.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on October 02, 2017, 12:19:14 PM
10/2/17

Had a pretty good day yesterday, I do however need to be more on top of things and stop slacking lol I've been so lazy lately.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on October 03, 2017, 10:21:21 PM
10/3/17

I asked out a couple girls that I work with today, buuuttt both of them had boyfriends, damn it's been tough lately with talking to the ladies. I'm so awkward and nervous, I hate it honestly.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jack Can on October 04, 2017, 02:10:14 AM
Don't ask out girls you work with! You don't want to make things weird. Maybe you should go to a bar or something, so you can talk to bunches of girls with very little repercussion?

Maybe it's just me, but when I go to bars I almost feel like a different person, able to talk to people without feeling awkward because it seems like everything is acceptable there. Maybe that's just because I'm drinking lol. But seriously, it's cool.

Anyways, I hope you didn't make things weird with your coworkers. I (personally) don't mind the awkward tension, lol I kind of like it actually, but most people don't. I always enjoy when your posts though, so I wish you the best.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on October 05, 2017, 01:14:25 AM
Don't ask out girls you work with! You don't want to make things weird. Maybe you should go to a bar or something, so you can talk to bunches of girls with very little repercussion?

Maybe it's just me, but when I go to bars I almost feel like a different person, able to talk to people without feeling awkward because it seems like everything is acceptable there. Maybe that's just because I'm drinking lol. But seriously, it's cool.

Anyways, I hope you didn't make things weird with your coworkers. I (personally) don't mind the awkward tension, lol I kind of like it actually, but most people don't. I always enjoy when your posts though, so I wish you the best.



Yeah man, it's way weird, I think you're right, it's not a very laid back environment where a lot of things are socially acceptable, I'll probably go to some bars or something like you said.

10/4/17

Had a decent day yesterday I suppose, I'm just eager to go out in the city on the weekend and find some people/girls to meet and talk to, I used to think it was socially awkward to meet people who you don't see on a regular basis, but I now see that the world is a simple place where any two people can meet and talk, despite what I may have learned from my past or what the media or my parents told me. There's definitely a lot of shaming today for expressing your wants and desires, which I personally think is bullshit, but whatever I guess, not everyone/everything is like that.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jack Can on October 05, 2017, 02:20:28 AM
The bar idea may not have been the best idea lol, I don't want to encourage you to be a heavy drinker... Maybe you could join some clubs and meet some girls that way. <--But the bad thing about that is you don't want to be known as the guy that hits on all the girls in the club. Yeah... I don't really know what you should do
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: summercicada90 on October 05, 2017, 03:08:57 AM
Meetup.com!
Lots of groups, and they all make individual events, which there's never any obligation to go to any of them even if you've joined a group. Lots are based on common interests but some are actually done with the specific purpose of meeting other single people. It can be hit or miss, sometimes you go to one that's a total sausagefest, even if it was a "meet other singles" night, but making new guy friends is always good too. Heck, unless it's a "speed dating" event, I typically like to talk to the guys first and then engage a chick if there's one free. It really makes me feel like I'm genuinely just there to have fun, and if I happen to meet a new potential match there too, then great.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on October 05, 2017, 01:26:42 PM
Thanks for the advice guys, I think I just need to experiment with different scenarios and see what works best for me. Can't hurt.

10/5/17

Had kind of a shitty day yesterday, everything seemed to go wrong and I wasn't sure what to do or how to stop messing up, but that's life, there are bad days and there are good days.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on October 06, 2017, 09:39:21 AM
10/6/17

Had a pretty amazing day yesterday, asked out 3 different girls, they all had boyfriends but I couldn't care less because it's becoming easier and easier to walk up to girls and ask them out. I also visited my friend who works at a brewery and bought some beer, plus he gave me a bunch of free apparel. Plus I didn't have to work and got to sleep a little longer than usual, so that was nice.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on October 07, 2017, 11:12:28 AM
10/7/17

Had a pretty good day today I guess, work went pretty well, the gym didn't go as well but oh well.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jack Can on October 07, 2017, 08:04:33 PM
When you say the gym didn't go well, do you mean you didn't hit the numbers that you wanted to? Because I mean, at least you're going to the gym haha. Most people don't
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on October 08, 2017, 12:24:38 PM
When you say the gym didn't go well, do you mean you didn't hit the numbers that you wanted to? Because I mean, at least you're going to the gym haha. Most people don't

Yeah, I didn't hit the numbers I wanted to, I think it was because either because my technique wasn't optimal or my recovery wasn't very good.

10/7/17

Well, today was a very bad day, I ended up relapsing, after over 6 months of no PMO, I was very upset with myself. All is not lost, but it's frustrating because of how hard I worked. I was very stressed and worried about a lot of things.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: andante on October 08, 2017, 12:37:30 PM
Maaaan, stay strong! I've been there and you have too. You know it's not a complete restart, just a minor setback, esp. if you were 6 months "clean". The key now is to stay positive, really understand why it happened, write it down, see how you could have escaped, and focus on all the positive things you've accomplished, list them, list the things you want to do to avoid relapsing again (the chaser effect might catch you and you must be prepared!).
We're here man, you're not alone, and it's okay.
PM me if needed! I know it's good to have someone watching when this happens, to keep you from falling again.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on October 09, 2017, 09:43:00 AM
Thanks, I find that journaling here helps, when I tried to stop PMO before, I wouldn't journal or jeep track of my progress, the first time I start doing it, I go almost 7 months without PMO, so I think I need to eliminate some things from my life in order to get to where I want to go, I started using social media again recently, which I don't think helped.

10/9/17

Had a strong urge to PMO again, but I deleted all of it off my computer and got ready for this next week instead.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on October 10, 2017, 09:38:18 AM
10/10/17

Yesterday was a pretty terrible day, I felt pretty depressed and anxious about the other day still.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on October 11, 2017, 09:41:23 AM
10/11/17

 Had a pretty good day yesterday, but I'm so tired.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: andante on October 11, 2017, 01:18:21 PM
Hang in there man! And you're not alone :)
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on October 12, 2017, 12:43:22 PM
Thanks brother, I appreciate it!

10/12/17

Surprisingly had a pretty good day yesterday despite how busy I was and how stressed I thought I would be, weird how it works like that how sometimes things don't end up how you thought, for better or worse.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on October 13, 2017, 09:42:11 AM
10/13/17

Had a pretty good day yesterday, I'm glad it's Friday, time to finish up work and go home for the weekend.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on October 14, 2017, 12:25:52 PM
10/14/17

Had a pretty good day yesterday, however, I'm really damn tured.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on October 15, 2017, 01:17:09 PM
10/15/17

Had a terrible day yesterday, nothing seemed to go right and I was crippled with anxiety and fear.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Johnn on October 15, 2017, 07:16:29 PM
How long have you been going? How are doing so far? Need some experience from someone who had walked a long way. Please do tell
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: andante on October 16, 2017, 05:21:10 AM
Hang on! How have you been? We're here :)
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on October 16, 2017, 09:41:40 AM
Thanks guys, I've been pretty good. I've been going at this for a year and eight months now, I've been taking it more seriously for the past year though.

10/16/17

Had kind of a boring/stressful day, but everything was alright I guess.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on October 17, 2017, 04:21:55 PM
10/17/17

Had a pretty bad day, I'm not sure what to do right now, kind of lost and hopeless.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Johnn on October 17, 2017, 08:48:47 PM
Excuse me for asking, hope I could learn something.

 How does recovery feel after you have gone for more than a year and a half?
Do you still have the urges to go to P or M? I mean of course there's always the hormonal urge but is it still hard to handle that you have to keep the caution and warning sign in front of you?
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on October 18, 2017, 12:48:26 AM
I mean it's tough to say for sure because everyone is different, I imagine the longer you've been watching it, the stronger the urges will be, for me personally, I've been watching it since I wad 13 or 14 and I'm almost 22 now, although I didn't always watch it daily, it's taken me a while. After a year and a half, the urge is still there no doubt, but I guess my "mental muscles" and willpower I guess you could say seem stronger and I'm able to resist it easier and focus on more productive things. I haven't been perfect though, I just relapsed last week after almost 7 months of no PMO, so I guess you're never really in the clear, you just have to keep focusing on more important things instead of getting caught up in the cycle again.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on October 18, 2017, 03:14:44 PM
10/18/17

I started out having a TERRIBLE day, but it got better as the day went on and I wad able to calm my nerves and get things done.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on October 19, 2017, 09:37:14 AM
10/19/17

Had a pretty good day yesterday, I worked hard and got a lot of things done and off my chest.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: ImOnMyWay on October 20, 2017, 09:46:54 AM
Jake323,

Keep moving along and thinking of the positives. You learned something and you have the capability of fixing it. You've done it before. I myself kind of went through a similar situation and I am learning from it. Stick with it and things will get better.

Best luck to you,

ImOnMyWay
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on October 20, 2017, 03:34:34 PM
Thanks ImOnMyWay, I appreciate the kimd words. I'm doing my nest to make things different, but it's never an easy task. I hope you are doing well yourself.

10/20/17

I did end up having a pretty good day, I got school off and got to sit at home and relax for a bit, which is nice, I gotta start finding some ladies soon though to ask out, I'll go out this weekend and approach some ladies.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on October 21, 2017, 06:50:53 AM
10/21/17

Had a good day, but I hate waking up at 5 am lol it sucks sometimes.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on October 22, 2017, 06:41:01 PM
10/22/17

Shitty day, just terrible, besides my workout in the morning which went well.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on October 23, 2017, 09:40:16 AM
10/23/17

Had a pretty good day today and was able to get a lot of things done, it feels nice to not be stuck in your head 24/7.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on October 24, 2017, 09:41:39 AM
10/24/17

Just sitting here today at work, tired as hell, I can never fall asleep when I need to ughhh fml.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: sempervirilis on October 24, 2017, 10:54:49 AM
Hey man - not sure where you are in the process, or what's going on, phase you're in. I had a thought though, when structuring your journal, it might help to keep track of the days since your last relapse, at least in the beginning, so you can better understand what phase you're in and how long you've been there. Stating the current date doesn't seem as informative.

Also, might be a good idea to clarify the goals and the rules for yourself. No PMO, or no PM, only O with a partner. Better to lay it all out so you know exactly where you're at.

Anyways good work for posting as much as you do man!

Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on October 25, 2017, 09:40:43 AM
Hey man - not sure where you are in the process, or what's going on, phase you're in. I had a thought though, when structuring your journal, it might help to keep track of the days since your last relapse, at least in the beginning, so you can better understand what phase you're in and how long you've been there. Stating the current date doesn't seem as informative.

Also, might be a good idea to clarify the goals and the rules for yourself. No PMO, or no PM, only O with a partner. Better to lay it all out so you know exactly where you're at.

Anyways good work for posting as much as you do man!

Hey, thanks man! I know, I'm just kind of logging my days without thinking about it, I'll definitely think of what my goals are and post them here when I get a chance.

10/25/17

Had a pretty good day yesterday, asked out another girl, buuuuttt got rejected again, at least I did it though, I'm happy that I did it. Had a decent day at work and school as well.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on October 26, 2017, 07:16:26 PM
10/26/17

Had an alright day, but for some reason, I keep getting really mad over little things. A lot of people are haters for no reason, even though I may not like or agree with someone, I still don't personally attack others or show that I'm mad, I leave my problems at home, it sucks a lot that a lot of people are like that.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on October 27, 2017, 09:42:02 AM
10/27/17

Had a pretty boring day yesterday, I'm just glad it's finally Friday, I'm so tired of working.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on October 28, 2017, 06:24:16 PM
10/28/17

I think staying in the present moment definitely makes a difference whenever I don't know what to do, it's like, whenever I'm present, all the answers may not come to me, but I know that I can do SOMETHING. I had a pretty good day, not a lot of urges to PMO, as that doesn't even sound appealing, it's just a mindless chase to get that dopamine spike that is never satisfied, after a while, it doesn't even feel good anyways, just fills your mind with garbage.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jack Can on October 29, 2017, 02:04:01 AM
I 100% agree with the dopamine chase thing
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on October 29, 2017, 03:16:41 PM
Yeah I know, it's just a waste of time.

10/29/17

I had a long day, the urge to PMO isn't there, but I keep thinking that I might somehow be wasting my time on too many things, I might need to cut some other things out of my life that don't serve me.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on October 30, 2017, 12:10:50 PM
10/30/17

Couldn't sleep last night, I'm not sure what it is, but I felt restless and not even tired at all, it felt like anxiety, I think because of my brother who is younger than me in the hospital, going through heroin withdrawal symptoms worries me a lot, I'll probably call him today.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: johnleesmith65 on October 30, 2017, 02:26:11 PM
Take care of your body.
Love your body.
It needs lots of rest.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on October 31, 2017, 09:38:22 AM
True that!

10/31/17

Was able to sleep last night as well as get through the day, I'm happy as well that I don't have school tonight due to halloween. I get real sick and tired of driving back and forth there in traffic.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on November 01, 2017, 09:39:22 AM
11/1/17

Had a pretty good day yesterday, it's amazing what you can get done when you aren't in your head all the time.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on November 02, 2017, 02:19:05 PM
11/2/17

Had a pretty good day yesterday, however, I think I'm getting sick which really sucks, I don't feel too well, I have body aches and a sore throat, ughhh.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on November 03, 2017, 09:43:18 AM
11/3/17

I'm still feeling sick, but the good news is that it's my birthday tomorrow and I got sooooo much school work done yesterday so I don't have to worry about it this weekend, which will be nice.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on November 04, 2017, 05:43:38 PM
11/4/17

Had a pretty good day yesterday, had some urges, but they went away quickly, and it's my birthday today. I'm 22 now, time to have some good food and chill out.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on November 05, 2017, 12:06:05 PM
11/5/17

Had a great birthday, had some good food and got to hang out with family, I was pretty busy though. Had to work and then cleaned my house and went to the gym, then I went to my parents house to spend the night with family.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: andante on November 06, 2017, 05:41:27 AM
Looks like a positive and productive day, congrats! And happy belated birthday! :-)
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on November 06, 2017, 10:43:22 AM
Hey, thanks! Appreciate the kind words!

11/6/17

Yesterday was a pretty good day, but last night I couldn't really sleep and I feel pretty sick, I'm pretty sore too, which doesn't feel too good when I had to wake up at 5 am today to go to work. Just want to get this day over with honestly.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on November 07, 2017, 10:40:55 AM
11/7/17

Was able to sleep well last night and had a productive day as well, not sure what today will be like, let's find out.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on November 08, 2017, 10:44:25 AM
11/8/17

Wow, I thought yesterday would be terrible, but it ended up bring pretty great. Funny how that works. It's really pleasant to be in the moment instead of in your head 24/7.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on November 09, 2017, 10:39:13 AM
11/9/17

Had a pretty good day yesterday, but man I am not feeling work today.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on November 10, 2017, 10:37:03 AM
11/10/17

Was able to get a lot done yesterday, which is good considering I haven't been feeling super motivated lately.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on November 11, 2017, 11:51:53 AM
11/11/17

I'm truly starting to realize how much of the stuff people think matters, really doesn't in the end, which is pretty comforting.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on November 12, 2017, 01:54:27 PM
11/12/17

I'm getting bored with life lately, kind of just want to do nothing instead of trying to achieve everything.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on November 13, 2017, 10:40:35 AM
11/13/17

Had a pretty good day yesterday, got to chill and watch some football and I have a short work week this week, which is going to be nice as hell.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on November 14, 2017, 05:04:41 PM
11/14/17

It makes me sad how unhappy people are sometimes. Especially at my work, the majority of customers are expressing that they're angry, impatient, and irritated. 
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on November 15, 2017, 10:37:51 AM
11/15/17

My anxiety had been bad today, it's been tough to ignore so far, but I think now I'm dealing with it better.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: sempervirilis on November 16, 2017, 07:02:18 AM
dude what day are you on or phase?
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on November 16, 2017, 02:48:19 PM
Honestly, I lost count. I'm really trying not to focus on numbers really. The real thing that matters is whether or not my life changes, which it has a lot the past couple years. Sure, I've relapsed quite a few times, but I've drastically reduced how much I PMO and spent it on doing better things.

11/16/17

Time for a nice, long weekend. I get the next 4 days off of work because I got to use some PTO. I'll also get to have Thanksgiving off next week. Time to go out and meet some ladies this weekend!
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on November 17, 2017, 01:54:28 PM
11/17/17

Had a pretty good day yesterday, however, I'm really tired and want to really not do much, it's exhausting.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on November 18, 2017, 11:48:12 AM
11/18/17

Been really fatigued and lethargic lately, a lot of stuff just feels like a drag, but I still need to be able to keep myself doing things.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Eran91 on November 18, 2017, 02:09:02 PM
11/18/17

Been really fatigued and lethargic lately, a lot of stuff just feels like a drag, but I still need to be able to keep myself doing things.

Hi Jake!

Admire your attitude man. It seems like your are progressing well even though it may not always feel like it! Overcoming the potential boredom and urges when feeling fatiqued and lethargic is a big deal, congrats on that! Keep going!
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on November 19, 2017, 01:48:33 PM
Thank you sir! Appreciate the support!

11/19/17

Had a pretty good day yesterday, had a great day at the gym and went out and exposed myself to talking to people even though I didn't feel like it.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on November 20, 2017, 10:40:25 AM
11/20/17

I had a pretty crappy day yesterday. Couldn't really sleep last night again, although I guess it's better than what it previously was the past two weeks. Probably because my long weekend is over and I have to go back to work today....ughhh.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on November 21, 2017, 10:38:28 AM
11/21/17

Yesterday ended up being pretty good, I was able to stay out of my head and got good sleep.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on November 22, 2017, 10:36:32 AM
11/22/17

Really tired today, waking up at 5 am can honestly be a bitch at times.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on November 23, 2017, 04:53:11 PM
11/23/17

Well I get today off, time to eat and not eat THAT much, because hey, I have long-term plans in mind!
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on November 24, 2017, 10:41:49 AM
11/24/17

Had a pretty good thanksgiving, had some good food, I have to work today though, but I need to learn patience, it's good for the soul.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on November 25, 2017, 12:32:15 PM
11/25/17

Had a pretty solid day yesterday, got to go to a movie with my brother and hang out with him for a while, which I haven't done in a while.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on November 26, 2017, 01:16:20 PM
11/26/17

Not really sure what to say about yesterday, most days lately seem to be similar.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on November 27, 2017, 10:42:21 AM
11/27/17

I really need to stay out of my head more, life is easier and more simple when I do that.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on November 28, 2017, 10:40:22 AM
11/28/17

Again not sure what to write here, nothing special today.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on November 29, 2017, 08:08:59 AM
11/29/17

Just another ordinary day.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on November 30, 2017, 01:26:44 PM
11/30/17

I've been crippled by fear lately. It's not too fun to say the least.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: sleepking69 on November 30, 2017, 11:23:01 PM
Keep going strong man, good job.

Do you have a summary of all the progress you've made? Have you thought about doing a longer form post some time? I would be really interested to hear what you have to say!
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: johnleesmith65 on December 01, 2017, 07:07:03 AM
Keep it up Man.
Nice job so far.
Fear is a tool satan & addiction uses to distract you.
You have to trust yourself & trust good in you.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on December 01, 2017, 10:41:49 AM
Thanks guys! It's just tough to make a long post every day because I'm so busy, but I definitely will in the future.

12/1/17

Well I had a pretty good day yesterday, asked out another girl today, went pretty well, but it turned out she has a boyfriend. Also got a day off work, so it was nice to be able to relax a bit.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on December 02, 2017, 10:08:38 AM
12/2/17

Yesterday was a pretty good day, I was able to get everything done that I wanted to and I'm feeling really good about the progress I'm making, need to keep this going!
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on December 03, 2017, 03:04:24 PM
12/3/17

Well yesterday was productive, but not very encouraging. I had work and it went ok I guess. The gym was pretty frustrating, as I'm still in some pain while lifting and not feeling very strong at all. Then I went to the mall to see 8f I could find some more girls to ask out. Asked a couple more out, but alas, no luck. One of them already had a boyfriend and the other didn't live around here. Oh well, I guess I don't really have anything to lose anyways, it's about building up my self-esteem, not necessarily getting whatever outcome I may want.

I've been worrying about a lot of stuff that may or may not even matter, it's tough to ignore the content going on in my head when it seems so important. My quest to getting laid ain't going too well right now, oh well, it's not like this has never happened before, so I'm not upset at all.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on December 04, 2017, 01:09:44 PM
12/4/17

Had a lot of feelings of boredom today, as well as anxiety about the weather and coming back to work today. Accepted the feelings instead of trying to fight them.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on December 05, 2017, 10:39:19 AM
12/5/17

I fell asleep last night and then woke up at like 3 AM and couldn't go back to sleep because it was absolutely freezing, gotta prepare for that better tonight.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on December 06, 2017, 10:42:31 AM
12/6/17

Well I slept better last night and woke up feeling energized, but now I'm tired again, not sure if it's work or what, but not does it totally drain my energy.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on December 07, 2017, 10:43:46 AM
12/7/17

Had a busy day yesterday, but I'm glad it's over because I'm done with school for a month now.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on December 08, 2017, 04:00:39 PM
12/8/17

Had a pretty good day yesterday, I'm now done with work and school for a while, so it's time to chill.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on December 09, 2017, 12:56:55 PM
12/9/17

Had kind of a shitty day yesterday, had some strong urges to PMO and caught myself rationalizing it in my mind. This happened because I saw this thumbnail of a YouTube video and I started to look at other video thumbnails, but I eventually stopped myself and caught it before it escalated. I guess I'm just kind of discouraged because some days it doesn't seem like I'm making hardly any progress at all and that can be tough to deal with.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: elephantricity on December 09, 2017, 08:26:54 PM
Just remember man, for every bad day, there will be so many more good days. Hold fast.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on December 10, 2017, 12:03:25 PM
Definitely!

12/10/17

Yesterday was a pretty good day, staying present and getting sleep definitely gives me more energy during the day which is nice.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on December 11, 2017, 10:41:07 AM
12/11/17

Had a good day yesterday, not much happened though.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on December 12, 2017, 10:42:37 AM
12/12/17

Work has been very stressful lately, I keep getting yelled at by angry customers. It's not too fun.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on December 13, 2017, 12:20:20 PM
12/13/17

Sometimes I feel as if a lot of things people say just aren't true. There is a lot of misinformation and BS out there and most people just seem to gobble it up and not even think twice about it. People will shame you and label things as "good" or "bad" when in reality, the world is a lot more complicated than that. For example, in today's society, when approaching women as a man, you can be called a "creeper" or a "rapist" for simply even looking at her or putting your arm around her or hugging her on a first date. I'm not saying this to complain, but to simply point out the fact that when men are the ones expected to take the active role in dating and break the ice, sometimes they may do things that one women might not want and another women may want because every girl is different. I'm realizing now that for so many years, I think the problem is that I was ashamed and insecure of my masculinity, but I'm finally starting to embrace it and realize that giving women what they want, a confident, assertive man is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. That if women want it and it is consensual, then nothing is wrong with having sex with women. Anyways, yesterday was a pretty good day, I got a lot of things accomplished.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: summercicada90 on December 13, 2017, 07:27:46 PM
I know exactly what you're talking about, and I've been realizing the exact same thing. I was talking to a couple of women over some beers about my lack of successful experience with sex, and about porn, and one of the women was saying, "Yeah, don't take cues from porn and start doing XYZ." But then the other woman was like, "What are you talking about? Men do that to me all the time and I love it!"

I've met guys that have the opposite taste as me in types of sexual play, and quite different taste in women than me to boot. So it only makes sense that every woman is going to have differing tastes in both as well, and also in the pace they're comfortable with as far as getting intimate with a man.

Good luck to both of us on finding the right woman!
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on December 14, 2017, 01:20:40 PM
Yeah I know, and it's hard when we live in a society that shames people for expressing their sexuality, I've just got to get past the bullshit and realize nobody really thinks about me at the end of the day, and that I'm just another person in the world and do what I want to do, not what other people want or care what others think, easier said than done though, however.

12/14/17

Had a pretty good day yesterday, I love not having to drive to school now that I'm done, I love meditating in my house too or in nature, it's so peaceful, I straight up need to get some Buddha statues and some incense and set up a meditation area lol.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on December 15, 2017, 10:39:55 AM
12/15/17

Didn't have the best day yesterday, went out to approach some girls but my mind kept coming up with excuses not to do it and I bought into my thoughts, I'm going to try again today, hopefully it goes better because it gets boring to never get laid lol.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on December 16, 2017, 07:19:16 AM
12/16/17

Had a pretty good day today, however, work is getting kinda tiring and stressful.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on December 17, 2017, 02:06:33 PM
12/17/17

Can't believe the year is almost over, pretty crazy it will be done in a couple of weeks, at least I get some time off of school before then. That's always nice, I'm going to go ask out some more girls this week, hopefully I can have some success soon.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jack Can on December 17, 2017, 03:50:54 PM
Are you trying to get a girlfriend asking all these girls out or are you just trying to hook up with them?
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on December 18, 2017, 10:41:22 AM
I don't really know, I will decide once I actually make something happen, but until then, I would say it's tough for me to say what I really want, since I have so little experience

12/18/17

Had a decent day yesterday, hopefully today is better though.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on December 19, 2017, 10:42:26 AM
12/19/17

I stayed in the moment a lot more yesterday, and I definitely felt a lot more at peace and stillness within me, also, I got a girl's number! I'll text her tomorrow to set up a date time.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on December 20, 2017, 10:39:55 AM
12/20/17

I've been so tired this week, I've got really good sleep but I still feel totally mentally drained. I guess job boredom is getting to me, it can be stressful too which isn't too fun.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on December 21, 2017, 12:50:57 PM
12/21/17

Boy oh boy am I engaging in a lot of mental masturbation lately. I'm sitting back and watching the world in confusion and shock. I'm truly starting to realize how much stupid shit we worry about on a daily basis really doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things. I'm so tired of this social media age. Everybody hates the present moment, I'm by no means perfect at it, but holy hell, people just keep sucking up all the bullshit, like little flies that keep landing on shit and keep sucking it up through their little shit-straws, the new car, more followers on social media, a hot new partner, more sex, more money, more, more, more. I can't even bear to go on social media anymore, it's just the same superficial garbage over and over again. Look! These people who you truly don't give a shit about got married today, and here's all their edited honeymoon pics! Some spoiled brat got a new car! Some whore wants an ego boost by getting hundreds of likes on all her selfies taken by a bathroom mirror. Or the endless political diarrhea on Twitter of people with two different mental positions constantly arguing about stupid bullshit which most people are misinformed about anyways. It's pointless and insane which is why I don't really want to be a part of it. Anyways, enough of that rant, time to focus on the things that really matter.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on December 22, 2017, 10:36:55 AM
12/22/17

Today's been alright so far, gonna hang out with some friends tonight, I guess we'll see how that goes. And the days are officially going to get a bit longer each day, which is nice. It's not even Christmas and I'm already sick of the roads and snow.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on December 23, 2017, 01:02:54 PM
12/23/17

Well yesterday went ok, hung out with some friends and had a pretty good time. I'm feeling very lonely though. That girl whose number I got didn't text me back and the rejections are piling up now. I know the point isn't to get the outcome I want, it's to desensitize myself to rejection, but it gets discouraging when you put so much effort into it.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on December 24, 2017, 01:52:30 PM
12/24/17

Had a productive day yesterday, went to the gym and had a good session, got my house all cleaned up, and got some other things done.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on December 25, 2017, 12:51:01 PM
12/25/17

I honestly didn't have a very good Christmas Eve, hopefully today is better, but I'm not too happy right now. I still don't have much of a love or social life, and it seems pretty much impossible these days to have a social life and achieve whatever life goals you set for yourself. I feel very much influenced to be like everyone else, every time I use social media of any kind, I just feel empty and worthless and not good enough, yet somehow I can't escape this cycle of going back to it because pretty much everyone these days is so caught up in it, it's like to fit in, I have to be constantly talking, complaining, giving my opinion on things, and being as "out there" as possible, it's like there can never be a moment of silence if I really want to fit in with the world, I constantly have to be loud, assertive, and as dominant as possible yet I'm a very interpreted person. Even with getting girls it's fucking depressing because they naturally want the most dominant,assertive men and yet I am introverted and still struggle with social anxiety to a degree, it's like no matter what I do, I'll never be good enough, I really try to put myself out there and face my biggest fears but even that isn't enough, I'm just never really talkative or social enough no matter what and I'm honestly sick and damned tired of it.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on December 26, 2017, 10:36:55 AM
12/26/17

Christmas day was better than Christmas Eve, it started off difficult, but after a while, I was able to come back to the present moment and become more conscious.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on December 27, 2017, 10:44:09 AM
12/27/17

Staying present yesterday definitely helped my day flow with lightness and ease instead of constantly trying to get somewhere other than where I am, and that also helped me to lower my stress and anxiety while at work.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: andante on December 28, 2017, 04:54:55 AM
Hey man! To be honest a lot of people struggle with Christmas, and I think it's just the pressure we put on ourselves with the idea that "it's the most wonderful time of the year", which is not always true and thus we feel down and disapointed etc. My brother always says "F*** Christmas" haha, but that's extreme.

About girls and expecting someone dominant etc. Maybe for now you just haven't found the right one, there are many woman out there who are more dominant; believe me! Take your time and meet the right ones :)
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on December 28, 2017, 12:05:48 PM
Yeah I definitely know what you mean, it's tough. Staying out of my head definitely helps. I've been staying present throughout my day instead of just thinking and worrying and I'm able to feel less pressure and get more done.

12/28/17

I hung out with some other friends yesterday and actually had a good time which usually wouldn't have happened because I was so in my head. But it wasn't anything special, just chilling at my friend's new apartment and talking, but when I stayed out of my head and in the present moment, I felt as if my conversations were more genuine and thoughtful, and I wasn't bored where before I probably would have been extremely bored.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on December 29, 2017, 10:40:26 AM
12/29/17

Man it can be tough at times to ignore your mind, I did well staying in the moment yesterday, but I definitely got hooked in a few times by my mind.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on December 30, 2017, 10:52:45 AM
12/30/17

Was aware of the thoughts in my head yesterday as well as my emotions and just watched them instead of getting lost in them. I definitely noticed myself getting stick in my mind again and again though, it never shuts up lol.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on December 31, 2017, 12:09:58 PM
12/31/17

Noticed myself getting sucked into my thoughts again today, but was able to recognize it when it happens, it's becoming easier and easier now to recognize the thought patterns in my head and realize that it's just a story.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: sleepking69 on December 31, 2017, 12:20:16 PM
Keep doing what you're doing man, I remember going through similar realizations as you. And I am a much stronger person because of it. The ability to not become controlled by your emotions or thoughts is one of the most valuable things I've learned.

Lmk if you need anything!
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on January 01, 2018, 12:14:23 PM
Thanks brother! It is definitely empowering to know that what's going on in your head isn't reality!

1/1/18

Didn't really experience too much stress or anxiety today, so glad I get new years day off as well, need to get ready for these next two weeks with school starting back up as well as work tomorrow.

Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on January 02, 2018, 10:40:01 AM
1/2/18

Stayed out of my head and stayed present, focused on being instead of thinking about all the things I needed to do, and ironically, I got more done than usual for a day off.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on January 03, 2018, 10:39:20 AM
1/3/18

Yesterday was pretty chill, today has been alright so far, just another ordinary day.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on January 04, 2018, 01:29:33 PM
1/4/18

It's pretty amazing how much our minds want drama and negativity instead of peace and stillness. I notice myself getting lost in thoughts every few moments and keep bringing it back to here and now, and then it gets lost again, crazy how much our society is dominated by past and future.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on January 05, 2018, 10:40:06 AM
1/5/18

Yesterday was kind of confusing/tough, my mind just never wants to stop imagining worst-case scenarios or the extreme sides of things. Oh well, I guess that just happens sometimes.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: ImOnMyWay on January 05, 2018, 11:55:38 AM
Jake323,

I feel your pain. It's a difficult obstacle to overcome. I re-introduced meditation and that seems to help. Find a way to re-direct those thoughts. Allow your self to feel the negativity then let it go. A vicious cycle, but due time you will see results and a happier you. Here's to working together on this.

Best of luck my friend,

ImOnMyWay
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on January 07, 2018, 12:11:12 PM
Definitely my friend! Our minds are naturally very negative and societal conditioning definitely girls the drama or story we tell ourselves in our heads.

1/6/18

Yesterday wasn't that good of a day, I was stuck in my head a lot.

1/7/18

Ughh trying to meet people with severe anxiety is tough, my mind keeps telling me the same story over and over again and it's really hard to ignore and just take action.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on January 08, 2018, 10:37:49 AM
1/8/18

Boy oh boy my mind is constantly complaining about everything, whether it be the situation I'm in, the temperature outside, or whatever else, it's always so negative and drains your energy.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on January 09, 2018, 10:40:10 AM
1/9/18

It's interesting to stop everyday for a moment and just actually notice what's going on, you get a whole different view on it when you're noticing all the details and things happening in the background.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jack Can on January 09, 2018, 02:10:48 PM
I love doing that! Especially when people are in a rush, I like to just take a step back for a little bit and ask myself "what is happening right now and is it really THAT important?"
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on January 10, 2018, 10:43:04 AM
Exactly! There is nowhere else to be but right here.

1/10/18

It's getting easier and easier by the day to notice that the fear inside me shouldn't be taken all that seriously and neither should life really. I think the less serious you take it (in a good way), the more simple and light it becomes.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on January 11, 2018, 10:36:19 AM
1/11/18

Yesterday was a not tougher than normal, I was really busy and my mind was busy as well, my mind was also busy because I usually like to keep the area where I live clean and organized, but my roommate doesn't really clean up after his messes like I do, and the kitchen wasn't really clean in my opinion.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on January 12, 2018, 10:38:27 AM
1/12/18

I was pretty busy yesterday and my mind was busy, but it was different than normal because I recognized that it was just mental pictures inside my head and sensations in my body instead of reality, it wasn't happening in front of me, just inside me.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on January 13, 2018, 12:41:20 PM
1/13/18

Yesterday went pretty well, was able to do the things I wanted to without getting too overwhelmed, which is good.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on January 14, 2018, 12:51:23 PM
1/14/18

I stayed patient and present yesterday even though it was tough at times, I'm getting better at realizing that all this material and scenarios in my head aren't me and neither is how much money I have, how much I've achieved, or all of the materialistic stuff, that stuff can be enjoyed while it lasts and appreciated, but not making my looks, achievements, relationships I may or may not have into an identity of who I am.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on January 15, 2018, 07:49:17 AM
1/15/18

Yesterday I was caught up in my head at times, but was able to bring myself back to the here and now when I did.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on January 16, 2018, 10:37:33 AM
1/16/18

Yesterday I was in my head a lot, my mind is always wanting to judge myself that I'm never doing well enough and that I'm an incompetent failure, it can be tough.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on January 17, 2018, 10:39:06 AM
1/17/18

I'm really not feeling too great today, I got good sleep last night but today I feel tired, sluggish, lethargic, and just generally disintereted with work and life today.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on January 18, 2018, 10:28:45 AM
1/18/18

Had a pretty decent day yesterday, was able to get a lot of things done, however, there are still many things I need to work on.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on January 19, 2018, 07:53:14 AM
1/19/18

Going on a date today at 7 pm, pretty nervous about it, but I need to stay in the present moment instead of worrying about what could go wrong.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: FORUMMM on January 20, 2018, 05:17:21 AM
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Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on January 20, 2018, 12:34:22 PM
1/20/18

Had a pretty good day yesterday, not really sure what to say about it though, just another ordinary day.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on January 21, 2018, 03:13:18 PM
1/21/18

Had a great day yesterday, asked out 3 different girls and got a whole bunch of work done, however, today the girl I was going to go out with never showed up, doesn't matter though, if that's the case, she wasn't worth my time anyways.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on January 22, 2018, 10:40:12 AM
1/22/18

Had a decent day yesterday, got a lot of work done but I didn't get very good sleep. I'm hoping today will go well and that I can stay present.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on January 23, 2018, 01:20:57 PM
1/23/18

Yesterday went better, got some better sleep last night so my energy is better.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on January 24, 2018, 10:40:16 AM
1/24/18

Experienced a lot of stress yesterday, but I ended up being ok. My mind tends to label so many things as dull and boring too.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on January 25, 2018, 10:26:08 AM
1/25/18

Yesterday was really busy, had a lot of things to do and not a lot of time to waste. I'm really tired and didn't sleep that much last night, really just want to go home and pass out on my nice warm bed lol.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on January 27, 2018, 12:21:11 PM
1/26/18

Had a pretty good day, but I'm tired and ready to be done for the week. I'm sick and not feeling the greatest today.

1/27/18

Feeling better today, but still not %100, I'm honestly sick of people right now and want to just stay in bed all day haha, people just wear me out.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on January 28, 2018, 12:10:32 PM
1/28/17

Had a very productive day yesterday, I'm hoping today I can have a great day as well.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on January 29, 2018, 01:39:42 PM
1/29/18

Yesterday was productive like Saturday, however, I didn't sleep too well last night, I'm pretty sure I know why though, so it's all good and today has been ok anyways, so no loss.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on January 30, 2018, 10:38:09 AM
1/30/18

Sleep was better last night, energy is much better right now, I think the blackout curtains I got really helped.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on January 31, 2018, 10:40:45 AM
1/31/18

Had a very peaceful day yesterday and got some great sleep and had a freak workout and today has been great as well, let's keep it going!
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on February 01, 2018, 10:36:37 AM
2/1/18

Yesterday was kind of just another ordinary day, not really much to talk about or say really.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on February 02, 2018, 10:40:43 AM
2/2/18

Yesterday started out well, but didn't end well. Today Jas been tough as well, I got home last night and I could hear my roommate having sex with some girl in his room and immediately a bunch of negative thoughts came in my mind about how I'll never get laid and how I'm a loser virgin still, etc. My mind has been tough to ignore today so far as well, work has been tough so far, a lot of people yelling at me on the phone.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on February 03, 2018, 01:20:27 PM
2/3/18

Yesterday was tough, I was stuck in my thoughts and emotions a lot and I felt helpless at times, but it doesn't help to beat myself up for thinking too much, because we all do it sometimes.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on February 04, 2018, 02:58:05 PM
2/4/18

Yesterday was busy and I got a lot done, but I need to be more resilient during tough times, I have to want things to be hard because that's what ultimately challenges me and makes me grow as a person, challenges need to be seen as good things/learning opportunities.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on February 05, 2018, 10:36:56 AM
2/5/18

Yesterday was a pretty good day, today has been pretty good so far as well, although I'm still stuck in my head a lot.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: ImOnMyWay on February 05, 2018, 02:19:18 PM
Jake323,

Keep up the hard work. By any chance, can you share some steps on what your're doing to better yourself though this? Maybe some positives you have noticed thus far? Sometimes doing this allows you to look back and recollect on things that worked and didn't. Simple reminders guiding you along this journey. This helps me a lot seeing where I was last year compared to this year.

Good luck my friend and stick with it.

ImOnMyWay
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on February 06, 2018, 10:39:46 AM
2/6/18

Today has been alright so far, but kinda tired, don't really know what to put here today.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on February 07, 2018, 12:49:54 PM
2/7/18

Have experienced a lot of shame and guilt these past 24 hours, I'm doing my best to ignore it and keep my eyes on the here and now, but man it is unbelievably difficult.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on February 08, 2018, 10:06:42 AM
2/8/18

Feeling pretty tired right now, but I've been productive, so that's good I guess, don't really know what to put here today.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on February 09, 2018, 10:37:40 AM
2/9/18

Got some great sleep last night, although I feel pretty tired right now and getting yelled at by people on the phone doesn't help my energy lol.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on February 10, 2018, 10:53:19 AM
2/10/18

Yesterday was a tough day, I was experiencing a lot of stress and anxiety at work, but things got better towards the end of the day.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on February 11, 2018, 12:42:33 PM
2/11/18

Had a very good, productive day yesterday, I'm going to have the same today because I just want to get caught up on all my work.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on February 12, 2018, 10:37:16 AM
2/12/18

Yesterday was a lot like Saturday, productive and good. I had a couple things happened yesterday that tested my patience, but I'm getting better every day at mastering my thoughts and emotions which is going to help me a lot.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on February 13, 2018, 10:37:58 AM
2/13/18

It seems as if every time I update this thing, I have this feeling of lethargy and boredom, thus, I never really know what to put. Yesterday went well, I keep worrying about my sleep though.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on February 14, 2018, 07:50:05 AM
2/14/18

Valentine's day.....great.....haha, anyways past night was pretty shitty, I can never seem to stay asleep,falling asleep isn't a problem, it's staying asleep that's the problem, I think one of the problems is that I drink too much damn fluids, I guess melatonin couldn't hurt either.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on February 15, 2018, 07:50:12 AM
2/15/18

Had a pretty good day yesterday, got a lot of things done, I'm going to go out with a girl this Saturday, so we'll see how that goes.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on February 16, 2018, 01:44:10 PM
2/16/18

Going out to meet some girls tonight after work and the gym, only a little bit of work left, then I get a long break next week, I'm looking forward to it.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on February 17, 2018, 01:19:08 PM
2/17/18

Last night didn't go so well, looking forward to tonight though, it should get better.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on February 18, 2018, 01:50:38 PM
2/18/18

Yesterday was better, but I really need to stop rationalizing things in my mind and making excuses, because it doesn't get me anywhere, I just need to suck things up and do them sometimes.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on February 19, 2018, 09:12:22 PM
2/19/18

Today went pretty well, but I couldn't really sleep last night, I think it was due to the fact that I drank coffee at 4:30 pm, but who knows for sure really.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on February 20, 2018, 01:29:03 PM
2/20/18

Yesterday was a really good, productive day, I am getting better and better at ignoring my mind and taking action anyways.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on February 21, 2018, 10:40:08 AM
2/21/18

Yesterday was a pretty good day. I had the day off and I'll get some time off after today as well, I'm tired of work and school and really need a break at this point.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on February 22, 2018, 01:51:02 PM
2/22/18

Had a pretty good day yesterday, but I definitely need to consider changing some things in my life right now that just aren't working out because if I continue doing the same thing, I'll keep getting the same results in which I'd like to change, including cutting out some things as well as people.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on February 23, 2018, 11:54:53 AM
2/23/18

There's a whole lot of bullshit that I'm sick and tired of and I'm going to start implementing some changes today instead of waiting around waiting for them to take care of themselves.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on February 24, 2018, 05:42:09 PM
2/24/18

Had a pretty productive day yesterday, I'm looking forward to get things done today so I can get all caught up instead of constantly falling behind and trying to catch up.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on February 25, 2018, 02:50:22 PM
2/25/18

Yesterday was a long day, but I got through it, it's amazing what can happen if you just laugh at yourself and don't take anything too seriously.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on February 26, 2018, 12:12:03 PM
2/26/18

Yesterday was a really good day, got a lot of things done and have some free time on my hands now.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on February 27, 2018, 10:38:06 AM
2/27/18

Not feeling too good today, my mind is busy again, ughhh.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on February 28, 2018, 10:37:30 AM
2/28/18

Yesterday was a pretty good day I guess, hopefully today goes well.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on March 01, 2018, 10:41:18 AM
3/1/18

I'm not feeling too hot today, honestly just want to sleep right now, getting kind of sick of working so early haha.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on March 02, 2018, 01:20:58 PM
3/2/18

Had a good day yesterday, keep getting a lot accomplished in a short amount of time! Today has been great so far as well, looking forward to keeping it up!
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on March 03, 2018, 12:44:09 PM
3/3/18

Had a pretty good day yesterday, but my motivation is feeling drained, I really just need to push through and keep going though, even if it's tough.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on March 04, 2018, 01:33:21 PM
3/4/18

Definitely am getting lost in my head lately, but it's ok because I'm pulling myself out of it faster and faster lately.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on March 05, 2018, 10:38:03 AM
3/5/18

Today was kind of a shitty day, I was really busy the whole day and became stressed because I ran out of time, really considering re-evaluating what my priorities need to be because a lot of the time, it just isn't working out so well for me.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on March 06, 2018, 10:40:24 AM
3/6/18

Yesterday was a really good day, however, my sleep is still fucked up, not sure why, ugghhh
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on March 07, 2018, 10:39:19 AM
3/7/18

Went out and approached some people last night again, it went pretty well, better than I expected, I'm going to go out tonight again as well.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on March 08, 2018, 12:39:13 PM
3/8/18

Had a tough time yesterday getting out of my head yesterday when I went out last night, my anxiety was really high and I was super self conscious of everything I was saying.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on March 09, 2018, 10:37:18 AM
3/9/18

Still feeling very much in my head when I'm around people, I keep imagining scenarios about how they'll react and it's tough to ignore.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on March 10, 2018, 10:37:48 AM
3/10/18

Ughhh still in my head, although it's getting better day by day, just gotta keep going.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on March 11, 2018, 01:09:51 PM
3/11/18

Yesterday was a pretty good day, I went out and exposed myself to uncomfortable social situations, I'm still anxious about it, but I'm getting more desensitized to it, I just have to do it often and not get lazy with it.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on March 12, 2018, 09:42:38 AM
3/12/18

Had a pretty good day yesterdat, but my sleep is ass lately. I may need to get a sleep study done on me or some shit because it's pretty fucking annoying. I'm not sure if it's due to me consuming a can of coke zero at 2 pm (for God's sake) or what it is, but it is definitely getting to my head and upsetting me. I'm also having some issues with my roommate, I try not to get upset about the things he does, but it is tough.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on March 13, 2018, 09:37:25 AM
3/13/18

Yesterday was considered successful I guess, although this morning my mind is taken up by all the social conditioning bullshit at my job. Ughhh, I hate that. Where everyone is super polite and always apologizes and is PC as hell, the real world isn't like that though.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on March 14, 2018, 06:52:28 AM
3/14/18

Still having a tough time expressing myself, you can't really do anything these days without people getting offended. That's no excuse for not doing anything, but man it doesn't make it easier when you naturally get nervous when everyone is pissed off or offended ugghhh lol.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on March 15, 2018, 02:48:46 PM
3/15/18

I had a tough day yesterday, I was definitely in my head a lot and couldn't stop thinking, it's hard not to get lazy during the tough times, sometimes it feels as if I'm never making any progress though, can't get down on myself though, that won't help.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: _Someone_ on March 16, 2018, 06:05:03 AM
How is the progress going for you? I hope all is well. I am just a new starter to no fap, although familiar with YBOP for over 4 months.
I had the past year full of constant relapse every second day with depression but now I hope I make a change.

One tip I can give you if you dont already know is, you can install K9 for your computer and this will protect you from accessing porn. To make sure that you dont cheat yourself when your mind "kicks in" to force you PMO, you can create new gmail account and a password that you will never remember, assign it with the k9 account and make a seperate password for it which you wont remember. There is no way in hell you can ever bypass that.
Alternatively, you can download ColdTurkey for your computer and block all the sites that are time wasting, social media, games or porn (it allows you to import a list of porn videos to add to block list). Note that once you set the timer, there is no going back and the software will be locked. I set my timer to the year 3000 dec, just to be sure.

Another thing you can do which really helps is download an app blocker for your android or iphone. the purpose of this blocker is to prevent other users accessing your internet, contacts, social media or whatever. You can make a long password which you wont ever remember, assign it to the gmail account whos password you wont remember also, and block your safari, internet, google, facebook, etc.. For my android phone I blocked Google PlayStore and Appstore so that I dont cheat myself downloading adult content. I also blocked Settings too so that I can prevent myself uninstalling the blocker. I also hid the blocker so that in order to access the blocker app itself I need to dial a number on the keypad (which I dont remember).

Yea it takes a lot of sacrifice but it is definetely worth it. Make sure you only keep the apps you need (e.g. whatsapp, messages, contacts) and block the rest. We dont need smartphones except for communication purposes. Personally this has given me peace of mind as I cant physically access soft or hard material when my brain kicks in and forces me to PMO.

Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on March 16, 2018, 12:30:11 PM
Yeah I know what you mean, I don't even really get urges to PIN much anymore though, it just sounds so undesirable and like a waste of time and mental energy. I agree with the phone thing too, I only use it when I have to or have finished all my work for the day!

3/16/18

I really need to let go of my ego because a lot of this stuff that I think matters really doesn't.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on March 17, 2018, 12:28:20 PM
3/17/18

Had a pretty productive day yesterday, got a lot of things done, I'm going to do the same today and tomorrow!
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jz15 on March 17, 2018, 04:44:16 PM
3/17/18

Had a pretty productive day yesterday, got a lot of things done, I'm going to do the same today and tomorrow!

very nice progress man I hope for the best
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on March 18, 2018, 11:45:48 AM
Thanks man, appreciate it.

3/18/18

I'm excited for this week, I'm leaving for Arizona on Friday l, it's spr8ng break, so no school, and I get Wedneseday and Friday off work, I'm still going to be productive as I was yesterday though.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on March 19, 2018, 06:51:38 AM
3/19/18

Ok, yesterday was a pretty good day, but I'm starting to get pissed off because I can never fall asleep on Sunday night before work, I don't know what it is, but it's really starting to get on my nerves ughhhh.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on March 20, 2018, 06:51:04 AM
3/20/18

Slept all through the night last night, so I'm now good haha, I think it's because I'm stuck in my head too much at night, paying attention and being present to my head pressing against my pillow seems to help.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on March 21, 2018, 12:17:53 PM
3/21/18

Had a pretty good day yesterday even though it was tough, I need to keep expanding my comfort zone so I can go after what I want though.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on March 22, 2018, 06:54:43 AM
3/22/18

Had a pretty good day yesterday, did everything I needed to and I'm leaving for my trip on Friday! Let's keep it going!
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on March 23, 2018, 08:58:02 AM
3/23/18

Pretty excited! Leaving for my trip to Arizona today! It'll be nice and warm there, tired of the cold haha.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on March 24, 2018, 09:51:21 AM
3/24/18

Had a pretty good day today, got a lot of things done and got to relax in my hotel room and chill by the pool! Today should be fun as well!
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on March 25, 2018, 09:28:28 AM
3/25/18

Had a pretty good day yesterday, got to have a fun time in Arizona! Looking forward to today as well! It'll be a long day, but I'm looking forward to it though.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: MoJi on March 25, 2018, 10:32:14 AM
4/3/17

Yet another tough day. It's starting to really get difficult to accept these painful emotions instead of fighting them. For some reason in my class at school we talked about sex, and this instant feeling of shame and depression washed over me, the teacher posted this stat that said something like: most everyone in college has experienced a hook up at one time or another. Instant. Shame. Instant. Depression. Being a virgin, you carry that stuff everywhere you go, it's pretty depressing. It also got me thinking how "pornified" our society is. If most people are just randomly sleeping with some stranger at a party, is that really any different from porn? Obviously it's not all staged and stuff in real life, but it's just fucking some random stranger, and that's it. There's no love or intimacy. You're both just drunk and fucking in the bathroom or whatever. It's pretty difficult to ignore when porn is so mainstream and so accepted, oh well, just gotta focus on me I guess.

Dear Jake,

I feel ya bro, I am a virgin! Never had sex, and I don't know when I am going to have one. Every time I say to myself that: hey you, you can easily start a new relationship and get laid. At the same time I ask my self: why should I do such a non-sense?? Am I just a horny animal whose whole f**king world has been created around his almighty d***k? Should I let my p***s be my leader, my guide through this tough life?
If so, why should I quite porn?? Researches have shown that sex can be addictive as Porn. So what's the point in giving up eye-catching porns??

I have a girlfriend whom I love very much, she moved to France for six months. When she was here, she never wanted to have sex. I could have left here and made new relationships with someone open-minded about sex. But I didn't, I let "love" rule, I saw many of my friends got laid. I don't regret. I love to stay strong against commonly accepted believes.

You are not alone bro, Keep going, you're a strong man.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on March 26, 2018, 08:55:48 AM
Thanks buddy, I appreciate that. Yeah it can be really damned tough, but I'm going to keep going!

3/26/18

Had a fun time in Arizona, but it's time to head back home now, and to be honest, trips are always nice, but it's nice to get back into the swing of things.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on March 27, 2018, 12:01:33 PM
3/27/18

Had a pretty good day yesterday, got to get a lot done and I'm looking forward to get a lot more done today! Feeling like I'm getting a handle on some things that I previously struggled with as well!
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on March 28, 2018, 09:36:29 AM
3/28/18

Had a pretty good day yesterday, got a lot of thongs done and my social anxiety is slowly getting better, just need to keep going!
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on March 29, 2018, 06:50:22 AM
3/29/18

Got a lot done yesterday, but it wasn't easy, and I keep worrying over and over about stupid things, which is tough, I never know what to write on this thing, do I? Haha
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on March 30, 2018, 06:47:33 AM
3/30/18

I had a pretty good day yesterday, I got a lot of things done today and I'm looking forward to today as well, gonna push my comfort zone even more today!
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on March 31, 2018, 03:29:29 PM
3/31/18

Had a pretty good day yesterday, got a lot of things done, but I'm not feeling too good today, kind of feeling unmotivated to do anything, but I need to shut up and work hard anyways lol.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on April 01, 2018, 12:19:02 PM
4/1/18

Yesterday was tough at first, but ended up having a great day, I just need to remember to tell myself that shitty parts of life don't last forever.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on April 02, 2018, 09:37:59 AM
True that!

4/2/18

I'm running out of things to say on this log honestly, and I'm getting lazy and don't want to update it a lot of the time, lol. Had a good easter, I don't like family get-togethers though, they're pretty awkward and depressing.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on April 03, 2018, 06:52:49 AM
4/3/18

Had a good time making a fool out of myself in public Yesterday! Haha gotta desensitize myself to rejection and embarrassment as much as I can, it's nice too that people aren't thinking about me at all!
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on April 04, 2018, 06:59:26 AM
4/4/18

My social confidence is getting better, but my sleep is getting worse!
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on April 05, 2018, 06:51:05 AM
4/5/18

Sleep has been better, the quality of it at least, I'm still waking up in the middle of the night, but I don't feel tired when I wake up, well, I guess I didn't really wake up in the middle of the night, more like a half hour or so before getting up, but I feel refreshed and rested because I went to bed later when I was actually tired!
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on April 06, 2018, 06:48:39 AM
4/6/18

Feeling MUCH better today, I got great sleep last night. I think the main thing I need to do is go to bed the same time on weekends so my circadian rhythm isn't thrown off by the time Sunday night comes, I'm feeling much more bold and confident and less in my head in social situations as well, gotta keep pushing the comfort zone!
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on April 07, 2018, 06:51:03 AM
4/7/18

Feeling rested and refreshed, time to tackle the day! I'm feeling much less in my head during the day, need to keep pushing because living in your head is no way to live!
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on April 08, 2018, 07:23:32 AM
4/8/18

Had a good day yesterday, told some girls I thought they were cute and had a great gym session, got good sleep last night and I'm feeling refreshed and ready to start the day today!
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on April 09, 2018, 06:47:17 AM
4/9/18

Had a good day yesterday, got tons of work done and got great sleep last night finally. Time to start the week!
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on April 10, 2018, 06:51:31 AM
4/10/18

Had a tough time staying out of my head even though I technically had a pretty good day, social anxiety really sucks.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on April 11, 2018, 06:52:31 AM
4/11/18

Not in Avery good mood today, feeling confused and kind of angry. I honestly don't know what to do and I'm pretty much lost as far as knowing what I'm going to do.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on April 12, 2018, 07:20:43 AM
4/12/18

Feeling better today, I think I've got a better idea as to what I want out of life versus what other people want. I'm going to make some important decisions and changes because I've been going down a random fucking path where I have no idea what I want to do, I just need to sit down and think about specific things to do, not just a bunch of random ass shit.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on April 13, 2018, 07:45:01 AM
4/13/18

Had a pretty good day yesterday, I got a lot of work done and I'm really starting to endure the tough times better, although my anxiety and anger/irritation are still present, I feel as if I'm better able to separate myself from them. Just feeling lonely lately too, just want to meet some new people and girls! I'm moving on from people that I used to know and hang out with, all they do is sit on their fat asses and smoke pot/drink heavily, play video games, and generally take terrible care of themselves anyways.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on April 14, 2018, 10:57:00 AM
4/14/18

Not feeling super motivated today. I'm sick of my roommate and I plan on moving out soon, I've got a lot of work to do today, I tend to get bored very easily and it isn't too pleasant to feel it, just gotta keep going I suppose. I just want new people in my life, new friends and people I've never met, just gotta get out and find it because I'm definitely behind a lot of people that were able to have meaningful relationships in adolescence while I struggled with shyness and social anxiety.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on April 15, 2018, 07:59:48 AM
4/15/18

Had a pretty good day yesterday, got a lot of work done, today is going to involve a lot of planning for my future goals and getting ready for the week, I don't have to go back to work until Thursday, so I'll be able to catch up with my school work before the semester ends, I'm also going to go out and meet some people so I can reach my social goals.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on April 16, 2018, 06:32:04 AM
4/16/18

Had a pretty busy day yesterday, a lot of the time my mind tells me that there is never enough time to do anything and it can be tough and stressful. I'm up today early though and feeling good, time to start the day strong!
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on April 17, 2018, 06:43:36 AM
4/17/18

Had a pretty good day yesterday but I'm getting kind of bored with my current life, seems as if all I'm doing is working, but oh well, just got to keep working hard.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on April 18, 2018, 06:19:23 AM
4/18/18

Had a good day yesterday, time for another long day though.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on April 19, 2018, 06:50:12 AM
4/19/18

Had a great dat yesterday even though my emotions were tough to ignore a lot of the time, back to work this morning, which kind of sucks, but at the same time I'm happy that I'm back to work.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Z23 on April 19, 2018, 08:49:59 PM
Keep it up Jake! It's admirable to see your persistence in posting basically every day. Starting my own journal today for the first time. It's encouraging to see it can be done. I'm so bad at starting something and not following through. I admire your consistency. How many days since you PMOed now?
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on April 20, 2018, 06:52:08 AM
Thanks my man, and I'm honestly not sure about the exact number! I try to just focus on my life progress and not some arbitrary number away from jacking off to porn, cuz I think for me that was just a side effect of a deeper problem.

4/20/18

Well today is Friday and I'm feeling a lot of anxiety but that's ok, it can be here if it pleases, it can stay or it can go.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on April 21, 2018, 06:50:57 AM
4/21/18

Had a tough day yesterday, didn't sleep that good last night either but today is a new day.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on April 22, 2018, 06:24:24 AM
4/22/18

Had a good day yesterday and got great sleep last night, time for another day to kill it, excited to get started!
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on April 23, 2018, 06:45:24 AM
4/23/18

Had a pretty shit day yesterday, I'm so sick of being trapped in my fucking head during social situations, it always feels as if the whole world is staring at me, which is obviously not the case, no one cares or notices me at all, but nevertheless the feeling is real.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on April 24, 2018, 06:49:24 AM
4/24/18

Had a tough day again, I was stuck in my head for much of the fay but I feel as if I'm resisting bad experiences lately, I just need to embrace them.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on April 25, 2018, 06:47:42 AM
4/25/18

Today was better, I still need to work on letting go of trying to control everything though.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on April 26, 2018, 06:48:51 AM
4/26/18

I've been having a tough time lately, I'm stressed that there never seems to be enough time to do what I need to do, might need to change up a few things ugghhh.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on April 27, 2018, 06:52:04 AM
4/27/18

Yesterday was a tough day at first, but I then grounded myself and started to act from a place of self-love and get detached from results, I then noticed I was able to talk to people easier and take more effective action in general.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on April 28, 2018, 06:51:19 AM
4/28/18

I had a really good day yesterday, got a lot of things accomplished and was pretty content throughout the day, going to see a movie and chill today!
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on April 29, 2018, 09:02:14 AM
4/29/18

Had a great day yesterday! Went to a movie and out to eat and it was finally warm outside! I feel as if my social anxiety is getting much better as well! Let's kill it today!
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on April 30, 2018, 06:50:24 AM
4/30/18

Pretty tired today, well, at least I'm done with finals this week, I'm so ready for a little break from school.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on May 01, 2018, 06:51:32 AM
5/1/18

It's finally time to be done with school! Happy that I get to take a break from it for a little while, and I got great sleep last night! Time to kill it today!
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on May 02, 2018, 06:51:57 AM
5/2/18

Had a good day yesterday, got a lot done but there is still a lot of things on my mind that are bothering me.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on May 03, 2018, 06:37:25 AM
5/3/18

Had a pretty good day yesterday, I have today off and have 1 more final test to do before I'm done with school! Also get 2 weeks off of school after this! Going to go out and talk to some more girls this weekend as well!
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on May 04, 2018, 06:49:49 AM
5/4/18

Had a pretty good day yesterday, I'm all done with school now! Time for an 11 day break to rest my damn mind for a while haha.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on May 05, 2018, 06:52:38 AM
5/5/18

Had kind of a tough day yesterday, my roommate is doesn't clean up after himself and a lot of the time it really bugs me, I've asked him to clean after himself too, but alas, he continues to do it, oh well, at least I'll be moving out in August.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on May 06, 2018, 07:40:32 AM
5/6/18

Had a pretty good day yesterday, had to work, but also got a lot of work done and pushed my comfort zone a lot, need to keep going!
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on May 07, 2018, 06:57:15 AM
5/7/18

Had a pretty good day yesterday and it was tough towards the end, but I stuck with it and made it through until the end, time to kill it today!
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on May 08, 2018, 06:51:35 AM
5/8/18

Had a pretty good day yesterday but I'm still stuck in my head a lot when interacting with others, I really need to work on it.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on May 09, 2018, 06:57:30 AM
5/9/18

Ughh today is going to be a long day, I can already sense it, yesterday was alright though I guess, not much to write about it.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on May 10, 2018, 06:47:41 AM
5/10/18

Life has been tough lately, I've been crippled by fear, not sure how I'm going to face it, ugghhhh.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on May 11, 2018, 06:51:48 AM
5/11/18

I thought yesterday was going to turn out really bad, but ended up being a great day, I stood up for myself and took action! Funny how that works...
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on May 12, 2018, 06:55:53 AM
5/12/18

Had a great day yesterday, took a lot of action and acted in spite of my fears, I'm off work for the weekend and I'm going to take some more action and see a movie as well as go out to eat, let's get it!
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on May 13, 2018, 11:21:25 AM
5/13/18

Yesterday was kind of a shit show, I just need to expect that things never go how you plan them out in your mind to be, you always just have to adjust your decisions.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on May 14, 2018, 06:48:32 AM
5/14/18

Yesterday was a pretty good day, couldn't really sleep last night though. Starting school today as well but I'm doing online classes so I won't have to drive to and from class every day.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on May 15, 2018, 06:50:56 AM
5/15/18

Had a good day yesterday, got everything done that I needed to.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on May 16, 2018, 06:49:06 AM
5/16/18

Had a pretty good day yesterday, I'm feeling a lot less stuck in my head lately, which has helped me to not give a shit about stupid things.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on May 17, 2018, 06:51:01 AM
5/17/18

Been feeling like life is just a bunch of deva vu lately, things are starting to get repetitive and boring lol.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on May 18, 2018, 06:53:47 AM
5/18/18

I'm getting bored with work, I've been trying to move up but have been stuck in the same position for a while, at least I get a pay raise on Monday...lol.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on May 19, 2018, 10:49:42 AM
5/19/18

Gonna be a boring weekend, not really looking forward to it, I feel stuck right now and really need to step it up. Really need to take risks and stop trying to please people, need to be controversial and stop hanging on to this image I have of myself and who I am.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on May 20, 2018, 08:31:35 AM
5/20/18

Had a much better day yesterday, was able to take action and do what I needed to yesterday even though my anxiety and stress was high.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on May 21, 2018, 06:47:22 AM
5/21/18

Had a pretty good day yesterday, however, I'm feeling very worried this morning and I have a feeling the shit is going to hit the fan real quick.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on May 22, 2018, 07:11:38 AM
5/22/18

Had a good day, it was tough and I got some bad reactions from people, but I still took action and did what I wanted to.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on May 23, 2018, 06:55:56 AM
5/23/18

Had a pretty good day yesterday, I have to work until Saturday though because I got yesterday off, getting really tired of work, it's so damn boring.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on May 24, 2018, 06:51:48 AM
5/24/18

Had a great day yesterday, I keep worrying about a lot of things though and it can be disturbing at times.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on May 25, 2018, 06:52:42 AM
5/25/18

I've been struggling with socializing and work lately, it brings up a lot of negative feelings that are difficult to deal with.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on May 26, 2018, 02:45:37 PM
5/26/18

Ok, today has been amazing so far, gonna top it off with seeing deadpool 2 and getting some damn good food! Excited as hell!
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on May 27, 2018, 08:54:38 AM
5/27/18

Had a great day yesterday! Deadpool 2 was hilarious, looking forward to today!
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on May 28, 2018, 06:49:14 AM
5/28/18

Had a pretty good day yesterday. I got a lot of work done and I have work today, but it's a shorter day and I get paid times 2 and a half!
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on May 29, 2018, 06:51:52 AM
5/29/18

Had a pretty great day yesterday, there were parts of it that were tough, but I stuck with it!
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on May 30, 2018, 06:53:20 AM
5/30/18

Yesterday was a pretty good day, got a lot of work done and was able to stay with some tough feelings and thoughts.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on May 31, 2018, 06:52:26 AM
5/31/18

Had a pretty good day yesterday, however, I still feel a lot of built up fear and anxiety inside me.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on June 01, 2018, 06:53:55 AM
6/1/18

Had kind of a tough day yesterday, was worried about a lot of things that were out of my control.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on June 02, 2018, 06:19:38 AM
6/2/18

Had a pretty good day, but the night was tough, I woke up in the middle of the night and couldn't go back to sleep, not really sure why either.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on June 03, 2018, 07:40:12 AM
6/3/18

Had a good day yesterday but was still worrying about a lot of things that were out of my control, the anxiety and physical sensations felt very real.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on June 04, 2018, 06:50:02 AM
6/4/18

Good day, but I've been worrying about a lot of things and it isn't very pleasant.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Redfire03 on June 04, 2018, 10:21:05 AM
Keep your head up man. You got this, think positive.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on June 05, 2018, 06:52:23 AM
Thanks brother!

6/5/18

My mind has been very active and doesn't want to shut up. It's been really shitty lately, I keep second guessing what my mind is telling me, it feels so real, but I feel as if deep down, the best thing to do is ignore it.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on June 06, 2018, 03:40:06 PM
6/6/18

Aghhh! My mind is telling me some pretty terrible stuff lately. I usually like to have some kind of music or podcast with headphones and and for some reason my mind keeps telling me that I'll go deaf if I keep doing that and it feels so damn real because I've had a headache the past few days, it's stressing me the hell out lol. Stupid, but it won't stop anyways.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Redfire03 on June 06, 2018, 03:48:57 PM
Dont give in bro...... keep your head up. Watch a movie pop some popcorn and relax.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on June 07, 2018, 06:52:40 AM
Yeah, I'm trying, it ain't easy though.

6/7/18

Had a tough day yesterday again, I'm still super stuck in my head and stressed the hell out. Can't stop worrying about stupid bullshit and I couldn't sleep again when I woke up in the middle of the night, ughh....
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: SophieStoryFilms on June 07, 2018, 11:27:05 AM
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Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on June 08, 2018, 06:51:54 AM
6/8/18

Had a pretty good day yesterday, it was tough at first, but I grinded it out until the end!
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on June 09, 2018, 08:54:16 AM
6/9/18

Had a good day yesterday again even though it was tough. I need to stay present because life can get tough real fast.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Mr_LLAMA on June 09, 2018, 10:03:19 AM
Keep up the good work. We are all here for eachother.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on June 10, 2018, 11:53:39 AM
Thanks my man, life has been much better without PMO! Definitely have more energy and passion for life in general!

6/10/18

Had a pretty good day yesterday, got to chill with some friends and have a fun time! I got caught up in my mind a few times as usually happens, but I ended the day on a high note, definitely feel much less in my head when I just talk to people.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on June 11, 2018, 06:55:20 AM
6/11/18

Had a pretty good day I guess, however, I felt confused and paranoid as hell and still feel like that way today so far, ugghhhh.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on June 12, 2018, 06:54:04 AM
6/12/18

Yesterday was a very tough day, had a very stressful experience at work and it kept me up worrying early in the morning too. I also was worrying throughout the day as well.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on June 13, 2018, 12:55:01 PM
6/13/18

Had a pretty good day yesterday, even though it started out tough. I'm getting out of my head more and more everyday!
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on June 15, 2018, 06:55:41 AM
6/14/18

Had a tough day yesterday, was stuck in my head and worried about a lot of things.

6/15/18

Had a pretty good day! Hung out with one of my friends and went to a bar with an arcade in it and walked around the city before meditating before bed! :)
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on June 16, 2018, 07:06:31 AM
6/16/18

Had a great day yesterday! Going to have another good day today as well! Excited to meet some new people and have a good time!
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on June 17, 2018, 06:16:02 AM
6/17/18

Had a pretty good day yesterday even though I had a lot of painful thoughts and feelings. I'm moving forward anyways.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on June 18, 2018, 06:52:54 AM
6/18/18

Feeling great today! Yesterday started out tough, but I'm now feeling super present to the moment and out of my head.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on June 19, 2018, 10:35:29 AM
6/19/18

Had a pretty great day yesterday! Got a lot of work done and I'm feeling super in the moment and out of my head! My thoughts and emotions aren't gone, but I take them less seriously and am able to laugh at it because it truly is insane.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on June 20, 2018, 06:53:18 AM
6/20/18

Had a pretty good day yesterday, took a lot of action today towards my goals.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on June 21, 2018, 06:54:48 AM
6/21/18

Had a pretty good day yesterday even though I noticed I was avoiding some things I needed to face.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on June 22, 2018, 06:56:33 AM
6/22/18

Had a pretty decent day yesterday, I'm taking some time off work next week, I'm getting really tired of it.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on June 23, 2018, 09:06:49 AM
6/23/18

Had a pretty good day yesterday, my mind has been producing a lot of bulls*** lately, but I'm refusing to take it seriously.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on June 24, 2018, 07:53:31 AM
6/24/18

Had a great day yesterday, I reached some goals that I set for myself and although I have to work today, it's only a 5 hour shift and then I'm off until Thursday! Honestly getting really tired of working haha.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on June 25, 2018, 10:25:53 AM
6/25/18

Got a lot to do today! Need to run a lot of errands and then after that I'm going to go swimming with my brother! It should be a fun day.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on June 26, 2018, 08:39:20 AM
6/26/18

Yesterday was ok I guess. It started out well but towards the end of the day I was pretty stressed and couldn't sleep either.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: in_persuit_of_unfappyness on June 26, 2018, 09:59:03 AM
Hey Jake..
Looks like you are keeping your word and are free of PMO.
Congrats dude.
I see that you are also writing about your day in general. It's a good habit. Looking back it's a good method to see what you were like and the events led to the relapse.
I should adopt it.

-Neo
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Redfire03 on June 26, 2018, 03:42:28 PM
Agree. We might not comment back all the time, but we get updates. We are watching you and supporting you bro. We all need to keep our heads up. Keep doing it man, you got this.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on June 27, 2018, 12:19:23 PM
Thanks for the support fellas, I'm starting to embrace life and the pain and discomfort of growth instead of resisting and fighting it!


6/27/18

Had a decent day yesterday, I got a lot of stuff done but I became stressed about a couple things that were really bugging me.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on June 28, 2018, 06:52:41 AM
6/28/18

Had a very productive day yesterday even though I felt a lot of emotional pain and had difficult thoughts. All the little inconveniences, mainly traffic, just set me off for some reason lol. Also have been doing a lot of social exposures lately, which have been pretty tough.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Wreck on June 29, 2018, 12:47:34 AM
Just wanted to ask that do u have wet dreams if yes then how u deal with them?? Anyways good luck on journey!!
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on June 29, 2018, 09:39:44 AM
Yeah I've had them from time to time, I don't really worry about them because they aren't really in my control and thanks, good luck to you as well!

6/29/18

Had a pretty solid day even though I was tired as hell and not in the best mood, that's proof that I can do whatever I want even when my mind tells me otherwise!
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on June 30, 2018, 04:25:57 PM
6/30/18

Had a pretty good day, but got stuck in my head a bit too much when I went out to socialize last night. Hotting the gym today and then going out tonight again and do what I ne3d to!
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on July 01, 2018, 10:07:56 AM
7/1/18

Had a great day yesterday! Went out to socialize and was carefree and confident, I need to not judge whatever is happening as good or bad and let go of attachment to results as well as not trying to get a specific reaction out of people. Loving myself is the most important thing though, because my opinion of myself matters more than anyone else's opinion of me.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on July 02, 2018, 09:40:27 AM
7/2/18

I've been feeling much less stuck in my head lately, but it's important to not label things as good or bad and instead just letting them be, otherwise, I'll get hooked in by my judgmental mind time and time again.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on July 03, 2018, 06:51:48 AM
7/3/18

I still have had to deal with a lot of bullshit this week, but I've been ok with letting things get out of hand and I'm detaching from both so called "negative" and "positive" experiences.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on July 04, 2018, 06:45:42 AM
7/4/18

Had a pretty good day yesterday, however, there is a lot of things that are stressing me out, particularly not having enough time to get all my work done.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on July 05, 2018, 06:51:11 AM
7/5/18

Had a pretty good day yesterday, some stuff happened to me that I would have preferred not to, but I just let it go.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on July 06, 2018, 06:52:27 AM
7/6/18

Had a tough day yesterday, I've been stuck in my head a lot and keep imagining a lot of worst-case scenarios.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on July 07, 2018, 07:54:43 AM
7/7/18

Had a pretty good day, went out and faced my fears and did some social exposure. Making a fool of yourself in public makes you take yourself so much less seriously, went to the gym and had a pretty good day at work too.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on July 08, 2018, 09:49:51 AM
7/8/18

Had a solid day yesterday, went to the gym and did homework and did my social comfort zone challenge, I've been having issues with my sleep, but sleeping through the night was better last night at least.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on July 09, 2018, 06:53:51 AM
7/9/18

Well yesterday was a great day, except for the fact that I got sub-par sleep last night...again.....sigh this is really getting annoying.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on July 10, 2018, 03:40:40 PM
7/10/18

Had a great day yesterday, however, I woke up in the middle of the night again and couldn't sleep, said fuck it, I'm going to take some melatonin and zinc today before I go to bed, my social anxiety has been improving at least. I just need to keep working hard and stop looking at the clock too because it stresses me the hell out and pulls me out of the present moment haha.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on July 11, 2018, 06:51:02 AM
7/11/18

Another sleepless night, been having anxiety and tension in my chest when I've been laying in bed, I try to get up and do something tiring to no avail.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on July 12, 2018, 06:52:28 AM
7/12/18

Had a pretty productive day yesterday despite getting no sleep. I did, however get pretty good sleep last night which is always good! Time to crush it today!
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on July 13, 2018, 06:51:24 AM
7/13/18

Yesterday was tough. I keep getting stuck in my head and yesterday definitely proved that. I'm getting real tired lately of my job too, ughhh, when will the misery end?
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on July 14, 2018, 06:50:31 AM
7/14/18

Another rough day, haven't felt too good lately and have been pissed off a lot for no reason, not sure where to go or what to do at this point.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on July 15, 2018, 11:56:06 AM
7/15/18

Had a pretty good day yesterday, I stayed with my painful feelings and emotions and took action even though I didn't feel very good. I think that I'm getting enough sleep now, I sleep about 7 hours, it's pretty difficult for me to sleep a full 8 hours, if even possible at all...
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on July 16, 2018, 09:29:50 AM
7/16/18

Had a pretty tough day to deal with, sleep hasn't been very good again, so I called out of work today. I have been struggling with my thoughts so I need to just calm down and take a break for a day to rejuvenate.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on July 17, 2018, 12:33:12 PM
7/17/18

Had a pretty good day yesterday and got great sleep last night. I think limiting my technology usage is helping me sleep better. Unfortunately for some reason, my phone shut off while charging last night, so my alarm never went off and I was an hour late, other than that everything has been great the past day! I need a new damn phone already haha, mine is a straight piece of junk.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on July 18, 2018, 06:50:50 AM
7/18/18

Yesterday was good because I finally got promoted at work! I'm going to start training next Monday! I get a pay raise too! Really excited about it considering I've been here almost a year now.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on July 19, 2018, 06:51:39 AM
7/19/18

Pretty good day Yesterday! Definitely pushed my comfort zone to the max, time for another day of killing it!
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on July 20, 2018, 06:52:30 AM
7/20/18

Had a pretty good day, although I did get stuck in my head a bit towards the end of the day, all that matters is that I keep improving though.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on July 21, 2018, 07:17:22 AM
7/21/18

Had a pretty good day yesterday, there are a couple of things lately that have been tough, but I've been moving slowly but surely so I'm happy with that.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on July 22, 2018, 09:09:07 AM
7/22/18

Had a pretty good day yesterday, despite feeling awkward and stuck in my head from time to time. I'm starting to get out of my head more and not care what other people think so much, which will serve me well.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on July 23, 2018, 07:26:57 AM
7/23/18

It has been tough to push my comfort zone lately, but I'm slowly getting there. Living in the present moment also helps me to not get too attached to things that ultimately don't matter either.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on July 24, 2018, 06:11:36 PM
7/24/18

Had a pretty good day yesterday. I started training for my new position at work and I'm switching to working in the evening now too, which should help my sleep schedule to stay more consistent. I still feel stuck in my head in certain social situations though, I guess I just need to keep working on it I guess...
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on July 25, 2018, 03:44:04 PM
7/25/18

Had a pretty good day yesterday despite getting stuck in my head at times. I was still able to have compassion for myself and do as much as possible.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on July 26, 2018, 01:30:01 PM
7/26/18

Had a pretty good day yesterday again. I've been feeling much less stuck in my head and more planted in the present moment. I'm letting go of getting irritated about things that ultimately don't matter.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on July 27, 2018, 12:23:50 PM
7/27/18

Had a good day yesterday, I'm really nervous about today though, we are starting to do our new jobs at work and it is really scaring me honestly. Have been thinking about it all week haha.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on July 28, 2018, 10:37:19 AM
7/28/18

Had a pretty tough day yesterday but pushed through it, I took a lot of criticism and dealt with things that I didn't know how to do, some days are tougher than others though...
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on July 29, 2018, 10:50:57 AM
7/29/18

Had a decent day yesterday I guess, what does it even matter though, I still feel awful today and have basically gone in circles these past 2 and a half years. Doesn't really matter what I try to do.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: johnleesmith65 on July 29, 2018, 10:32:32 PM
Consider relaying on mental focus this time.
Use your brain.
Brain is powerful when used.
We often don’t use our brain and avoid using it.
Brain wants to relax, but don’t let it relax.
Like a muscle, more exercise, more stronger.
Hopefully these circles stuff will stop.
Best of luck.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on July 30, 2018, 12:24:38 PM
Thanks a lot, I appreciate that!

7/30/18

Woke up today with a lot of anxiety. It's ok though because I just laugh at it because in the grand scheme of things it really is pretty silly.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on July 31, 2018, 03:16:14 PM
7/31/18

Had an ok day yesterday, today started out pretty good but it's been rough the past couple of hours, hopefully it gets better though.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: johnleesmith65 on August 01, 2018, 12:12:27 AM
Keep it up.
Rough times never last forever.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on August 01, 2018, 02:52:30 PM
Very true, I've been letting myself know to stay present during the tough times.

8/1/18

The rest of the day went alright yesterday, was able to accept the difficult feelings and emotions instead of running away from them.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on August 02, 2018, 12:16:29 PM
8/2/18

The rest of yesterday went ok, I'm still having some anxiety over today, but I'm going to go into it fully instead of resisting it.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: johnleesmith65 on August 02, 2018, 05:01:16 PM
Good approach towards anxiety.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on August 03, 2018, 12:13:51 PM
Yeah for sure, it's about the only thing I can do at this point.

8/3/18

Woke up today feeling pretty awful, anxiety, worry, lethargic, and upset. I'll make it into the best day I can though...
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on August 04, 2018, 04:30:03 PM
8/4/18

Ended up having a pretty good rest of my day yesterday, I might need to change some things in my life right now but that's ok, whatever helps me succeed in the long run is the most important thing!
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on August 05, 2018, 10:54:10 AM
8/5/18

Had a pretty good day yesterday, was able to get some perspective on things and stayed with some feelings I was having even though they were difficult at times.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: johnleesmith65 on August 05, 2018, 10:49:33 PM
There are pains of recovery
And then
Pains of life
Part of life.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Recovery Will Come on August 06, 2018, 08:52:20 AM
What is your status now? You can get through this man never doubt yourself.... I have been trying to recover since 2013... Farthest I went pre reboot nation was 29 days... I became a member of this community and started my official reboot last year in April of 2017... I went 10 weeks and 64 days to be exact without porn or masturbating... Relasped shortly after by making the mistake of going back on social media... I am just now starting my reboot again and have no other mindset but to succeed and defeat this addiction... You can do it bro... We can do this together... I have faith in you!!!!! Good Luck!!!!
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on August 06, 2018, 10:52:09 AM
Thanks dude, I personally haven't PMO'd in like 7 months now. I'm really trying to focus on bettering my social life now, good luck to you as well.

8/6/18

Had a pretty good day yesterday, got a lot done and got some perspective on things. Going to do my best today to do what I need to!
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Recovery Will Come on August 06, 2018, 10:57:03 AM
That is amazing that’s a lot of people’s dream... Keep it up
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on August 07, 2018, 10:27:28 AM
Thanks man.

8/7/18

Had a solid day yesterday, had a nice conversation with a girl and did pretty well at work, gonna crush it today now!
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: johnleesmith65 on August 07, 2018, 08:22:22 PM
No pmo since 7 months, wow
Not in my dreams yet.
That is something precious
Respect it
I wish the same for me.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on August 08, 2018, 11:45:41 AM
Haha thanks.

8/8/18

Had a pretty good day today, I have been doing what I need to lately even though it has been difficult. I tend to get the most amount of anxiety in the morning but it eventually comes down during the day.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on August 09, 2018, 12:03:42 PM
8/9/18

I'm not feeling too great today, I feel tired and don't really want to deal with anything. I just feel exhausted and listening to other people's problems just drains the life out of me. Really just want to drift off to sleep and chill haha.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: johnleesmith65 on August 09, 2018, 08:41:34 PM
I love sleeping too.
Best way to heal your body
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on August 10, 2018, 11:50:38 AM
Yeah I enjoy sleeping a lot more lately since I don't wake up at 5 AM for work anymore haha.

8/10/18

Had a pretty good day yesterday, I have to move out of my place tomorrow, going to find a new place soon that's doable. Going to make today the best I can.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on August 11, 2018, 08:44:47 PM
8/11/18

Yesterday went pretty well, moved out of my place today, hopefully I can find a decent place to live that's affordable soon.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on August 12, 2018, 01:08:53 PM
8/12/18

Had a pretty tough day yesterday, my mind was coming up with a lot of stories about me and my life, it was tough to ignore, but I'm not giving up, I'm going to take the story less seriously and not take everything in life so seriously as well so I'm not so attached to outcomes or things that happen so I can take action and care less about what other people think as well as not giving a shit about pain or failure either because they are part of life and I need to embrace that instead of trying to avoid it and feel good all the time.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on August 13, 2018, 11:29:06 AM
8/13/18

Yesterday went ok, still feeling super stuck in my head though, I'm not really sure what to do right now and I feel very alone and stuck. I've been feeling extremely bored and lethargic lately.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Recovery Will Come on August 13, 2018, 11:41:33 AM
Keep trucking... Your success during your reboot is very motivational.. Hope you keep your foot on the gas!!!
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on August 14, 2018, 11:00:11 AM
Thanks, it's been tough but I'm going to keep going.

8/14/18

Had a tough day at work yesterday but the rest of the day went ok, I keep getting stuck in my head and super nervous about things, however today is a new day and I'm going to do my best at work as well!
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on August 15, 2018, 11:11:49 AM
8/15/18

Had a decent day yesterday, work was ok and tough at other times, I'm going to start taking things less seriously so I don't get too emotional or attached to anything.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on August 16, 2018, 06:44:18 PM
8/16/18

Had a pretty decent day yesterday, life is so much easier when you don't take anything too seriously and learn to laugh at yourself, everything doesn't seem as threatening anymore...
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on August 17, 2018, 10:50:05 AM
8/17/18

Had a pretty good day yesterday, stayed present to the moment and stayed out of my head.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on August 18, 2018, 06:42:34 AM
8/18/18

I've been having a lot of negative thoughts lately, it feels as if I'll be socially anxious and fearful forever, just can't seem to shake the feeling, it just feels so damn real but whatever, I'm not going to take my mind too seriously anyways.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on August 19, 2018, 10:06:06 AM
8/19/18

I've been feeling really anxious about how much time I have in the day, keep having thoughts about how I won't be able to do the things I need to do and it is very disturbing.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on August 20, 2018, 03:47:43 PM
8/20/18

Today has started out very well, hopefully I can keep this going and do the best I can!
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on August 21, 2018, 11:16:51 AM
8/21/18

Had a tough day at work yesterday, I never seem to know what to do and always get stuck in my head, ughhh.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: johnleesmith65 on August 22, 2018, 10:47:59 AM
Listen to music
Avoid negative thinking
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on August 22, 2018, 03:38:55 PM
Yeah, definitely.

8/22/18

Yesterday started out tough but the rest of the day was better, I'm able to talk to people easier when I listen to them instead of what my mind is telling me.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Wreck on August 23, 2018, 02:51:33 AM
Keep going bro,,,,when i was doing reboot for more than 1.5 years negative emotions hit me hard ....but keep going neglect however u can they are just not important....
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on August 23, 2018, 11:32:28 PM
Yeah for sure.

8/23/18

Had kind of a shit day, was stuck in my mind and felt like shit the whole day.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on August 25, 2018, 12:23:35 PM
8/24/18

Had a decent day yesterday.

8/25/18

Getting perspective on things definitely helps me out and let's me think about life differently.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on August 26, 2018, 12:06:04 PM
8/26/18

Had a pretty good day yesterday, talked to three different girls today and some new people as well, I'm going to make today the best it can be as well!
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: johnleesmith65 on August 26, 2018, 12:12:54 PM
Good
Keep going
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on August 27, 2018, 01:14:28 PM
Thanks.

8/27/18

Had a pretty good day yesterday, a lot of stress and anxiety is building up this week though.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: johnleesmith65 on August 27, 2018, 02:10:44 PM
Stay strong.
You can do your own oil massage of leg and hands.
It will reduce stress.
Listen to your favorite music, it will reduce stress.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on August 28, 2018, 11:13:58 AM
Yeah definitely.

8/28/18

Had a pretty good day yesterday, it started out rough but it finished in a good way!
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on August 29, 2018, 12:46:04 PM
8/29/18

Had a good day yesterday, going to have a great day today as well! Just need to stay in the present moment and not take things too seriously.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on August 30, 2018, 01:03:44 PM
8/30/18

Had a pretty good day yesterday, talked to some girls and had a pretty good day at work as well!
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on August 31, 2018, 10:54:58 AM
8/31/18

Had a pretty good day yesterday but got stuck in my head at times.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on September 01, 2018, 12:17:47 PM
9/1/18

Had a pretty shitty day yesterday, did my best but I was really stuck in my head throughout the day.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on September 02, 2018, 11:56:38 AM
9/2/18

I've been stuck in my head for a while now and just feel like shit lately, not sure what to do...
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on September 03, 2018, 06:45:22 AM
9/3/18

Had a pretty bad day yesterday, was really stuck in my head and just got stuck doing the same shit over and over.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on September 04, 2018, 11:47:52 AM
9/4/18

Yesterday was tough but I was able to push through the discomfort and stay out of my head for the most part.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on September 05, 2018, 11:23:55 AM
9/5/18

Had a pretty good day yesterday, stayed out of my head for the most part.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: johnleesmith65 on September 06, 2018, 09:36:10 AM
Good job jake.
Mental control is everything in reboot.
If brain is in control, everything is in control.
Don’t numb it and close it to pleasure.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on September 06, 2018, 09:55:22 PM
Definitely my dude, appreciate it.

9/6/18

Had a pretty good day yesterday even though I got anxious at times.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on September 07, 2018, 12:34:32 PM
9/7/18

Kinda feel like shit today, but hey what's new?
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on September 08, 2018, 06:11:11 PM
9/8/18

Couldn't sleep last night but work wasn't actually too bad, going to try and talk to some girls tonight after leaving the gym...
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on September 09, 2018, 11:51:00 AM
9/9/18

Had a pretty good day yesterday, I really just need to change my mindset about a lot of things.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on September 10, 2018, 10:50:13 PM
9/10/18

Had a pretty good day yesterday, I'm starting to give less of a shit what people think about me, which is always good.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on September 11, 2018, 11:59:37 PM
9/11/18

Today was good but I'm going to start embracing pain, failure, and rejection instead of trying to run away from it because it's not separate from success in any area of life...
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on September 13, 2018, 01:05:40 AM
9/12/18

Had a pretty good day yesterday, really starting to get caught up less in petty bullshit that doesn't matter which is good.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on September 13, 2018, 04:14:59 PM
9/13/18

Yesterday was a pretty ordinary day, not really much to say about it...
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on September 14, 2018, 01:18:23 PM
9/14/18

Yesterday was a pretty good day, not much else to say about it...
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Wreck on September 15, 2018, 04:47:26 AM
Man has wet dreams stopped for u? Atleast for me it hasn't in the past few years....keep going and keep sharing!!!
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on September 15, 2018, 11:03:33 AM
I still get them from time to time but I don't really worry about it too much since I don't really have any control over it!

9/15/18

Had a pretty good day, got stuck in my head a bit, but I pushed through the discomfort and did what I needed to.

Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Wreck on September 16, 2018, 03:20:50 AM
Thanks for the reply it really helps to stop freaking out!!!
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on September 16, 2018, 12:02:52 PM
Definitely dude, don't worry about stupid shit that doesn't matter, you'll be much happier that way!

9/16/18

Had a pretty good day yesterday, laughed a lot which helped to not be so down and take everything so seriously...
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on September 17, 2018, 01:17:01 PM
9/17/18

Had a pretty good day yesterday, got anxious at times but I was able to not take myself so seriously and laugh at myself as well.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on September 19, 2018, 01:05:38 AM
9/18/18

Yesterday was pretty tough, I got stuck in my head a lot of the time and felt very stressed out but I pushed through it anyways.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Stiffy on September 19, 2018, 02:35:20 AM
How many days into your streak are you if you don’t mind me asking?
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on September 20, 2018, 03:03:59 PM
9/19/18

Had a pretty good day yesterday, got stuck in my head a couple times, but overall had a good day.

9/20/18

Yesterday was a really shitty day, felt stifled and stuck all day pretty much.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on September 22, 2018, 12:08:38 AM
9/21/18

Had a pretty good day today despite being stuck in my head at times.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on September 22, 2018, 07:08:38 PM
I’m honestly not sure, lost track haha.

9/22/18

Pretty good day yesterday, did what I needed to and stayed present to the moment.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on September 23, 2018, 11:49:03 AM
9/23/18

Had a pretty good day yesterday, did what I needed to and dealt with my emotions in a healthy way.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on September 24, 2018, 01:15:06 PM
9/24/18

Had a pretty good day yesterday, but I got really nervous and stuck in my head. My mind keeps playing tricks on me and it is literally driving me insane.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on September 26, 2018, 01:38:23 AM
9/25/18

Had a pretty good day, stayed consistent and had good effort even though a lot of negative feelings came up.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on September 26, 2018, 01:22:57 PM
9/26/18

Had a pretty good day, had a good effort throughout the day even though it got tough at times.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on September 27, 2018, 01:12:09 PM
9/27/18

Had a pretty tough day yesterday, felt constantly stifled and stuck in my head again, not really sure what to do, I’m going to reach out for help soon because I can’t keep trying to overcome social anxiety on my own...
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on September 28, 2018, 11:13:19 PM
9/28/18

Yesterday was tough but I’m going to overcome social anxiety, I don’t care how long it takes, I’m going to conquer this demon inside me!
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on September 29, 2018, 11:15:08 AM
9/29/18

Had a pretty good day yesterday for the most part, was able to stay with myself despite difficult feelings coming up, going to kill it today!
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on September 30, 2018, 11:50:13 AM
9/30/18

Had a pretty good day yesterday, stayed consistent even though I had some difficult feelings come up during the day.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on October 01, 2018, 12:40:11 PM
10/1/18

Had a pretty tough day yesterday, but I was able to do what I needed to, going to take a lot of action his week in order to create a lot of opportunities for myself.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on October 02, 2018, 07:21:16 PM
10/2/18

Had a shit day yesterday and today hasn’t been much better, sick and tired of always trying to escape life and get somewhere else, it’s total bullshit.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on October 03, 2018, 11:13:13 AM
10/3/18

Had a pretty good day yesterday, the beginning of it was tough but I was able to laugh at a lot of things and not take them too seriously.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on October 04, 2018, 11:13:41 AM
10/4/18

Had a tough day yesterday, everything is getting fucked up and I’m getting tired of living in denial and fake bullshit left and right.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Wreck on October 05, 2018, 01:26:23 PM
Hang on bro , tough moments don't last long!!
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on October 05, 2018, 06:43:31 PM
Yeah l, just need to not take everything so seriously too.

10/5/18

Had a pretty good day yesterday, I honestly just need to not take everything so damn seriously...
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on October 06, 2018, 04:27:32 PM
10/6/18

Had a pretty good day yesterday, got really stuck in my head a lot of times but I’m releasing everything that no longer serves me...
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on October 07, 2018, 10:51:43 AM
10/7/18

Had a pretty good day yesterday, was able to stay present to the moment and took action as well.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on October 08, 2018, 01:07:23 PM
10/8/18

Yesterday was alright, I just need to stop buying in to the bullshit that my mind is constantly feeding me everyday.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on October 09, 2018, 01:09:24 PM
10/9/18

Yesterday was very difficult and today I’m feeling like absolute shit today, just feeling very pessimistic in general, I’ve been bringing awareness to the present moment but my mind is just too damn loud right now.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on October 10, 2018, 11:11:53 AM
10/10/18

Had a pretty tough day yesterday, but I pushed through to the end.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on October 11, 2018, 10:59:19 PM
10/11/18

Had a pretty tough day again today but I pushed through to the end again, I’m starting to not give a fuck about pain anymore....it doesn’t mean shit.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on October 12, 2018, 05:47:23 PM
10/12/18

I need to reach out for help more, yes it’s important to work hard and push through uncomfortable things but I need to realize how stupid and naive I am, no matter how smart or disciplined I think I may be, I’ve never really seen a famous or successful person in their field become that way on their own, I’m sure there are some exceptions, but for the most part most of those people had coaches or mentors or other people help them along the way.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on October 13, 2018, 11:04:15 AM
10/13/18

It was a rough day yesterday, I keep obsessing over my health lately. Whenever something feels uncomfortable in my body I assume that it’s something terribly wrong and that I must have a serious health problem or something else like that, it can be very disturbing and scary.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Tempted on October 13, 2018, 11:27:27 AM
Hypochondria is a bitch, I can relate. I once spent weeks thinking I had HIV even though I didn't even have sex :D
If it gets really bad maybe it is a good idea to talk to a doctor about it, they might know about ways to calm you down.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on October 14, 2018, 11:47:03 AM
Yeah it messes with you for sure haha.

10/14/18

Had a difficult day today, I got sick and felt like shit most of the day, it hasn’t been pleasant at all.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Tempted on October 14, 2018, 12:30:57 PM
Stay strong man, I'm rooting for you.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Joshb92 on October 14, 2018, 08:25:38 PM
Hello, I'm 26 years old and I'm trying this, as a new way to reboot from porn addiction. I started watching porn when I was 9 years old, influenced by other friends, at the time. I started  masterbating when I was in Jr. High and from there my problem was born. I would masterbate in the shower and when I first got internet at the age of 15, I started to watch porn every night  on my computer. But, before I got internet, I would stay up late during  the summer and wait for Girls Gone Wild to come on at 2 am in the morning.  I guess those are the years when your brain wraps itself on whatever  you let into your head, and from there starts to create the  addiction.  So, I've tried to quit porn and the longest I've gone NOFAP was 90 days and unfortunately relapsed. I have tried going to therapy but I always find myself making excuses of why not to go back. I just need to find more people with this porn addiction  problem and talk more about it. Share ideas of how I can quit and read successful stories of those who have been able to break free. Thank you.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on October 15, 2018, 11:52:16 AM
Hey guys thanks for the support, I’d say if you’re struggling with the PMO stuff, there’s usually a deeper reason for why you use it, it may be to escape your problems, to take away stress or anxiety, or to deal with loneliness or lack of relationships or sexual experiences. For me it was to escape the fact that I didn’t have real women to be in a relationship with and have sex with as well as dealing with loneliness. You may be different but I would ask yourself why you need to do it in the first place. Attack the root reason for why you need to do it and develop other good habits as well, such as reading, meditation, exercise and nutrition, regularly going out and meeting people and talking, etc. One tip is when you have the urge to PMO, feel the urge from within, don’t try to change it, don’t judge it, just bring your full awareness to it and give yourself compassion as well. It may subside for a while, but always be aware of what may bring it up or trigger the urge and use the skills mentioned above when they do show up again.

10/15/18

Still feel sick today but yesterday was actually a pretty good day, today should be good as well, going to take work off though because I still have a watt cold.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on October 16, 2018, 12:52:47 PM
10/16/18

Had a good day of rest yesterday, but it’s back to work today....ugh, it’s honestly going to be tough...
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on October 17, 2018, 07:02:45 PM
10/17/18

Yesterday was rough but at least I get today off.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on October 18, 2018, 12:57:04 PM
10/18/18

Feeling rested up and much better today!
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on October 19, 2018, 01:23:11 PM
10/19/18

Feeling anxious about the future today, but hey, what’s new? Haha I’ve been handling the anxiety better though because I’m bringing compassion to the uncomfortable feelings.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on October 20, 2018, 06:52:55 PM
10/20/18

Pretty depressed today, can’t stop thinking about the past, feeling drained of energy and very lonely, this parasite just keeps eating me inside, sigh, I just need to surrender and accept it though because fighting it never gets me anywhere...
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on October 21, 2018, 01:36:46 PM
10/21/18

Had a pretty good day yesterday but my mind is starting to f*** with me.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on October 22, 2018, 01:04:42 PM
10/22/18

Yesterday was alright, but my mind is starting to f*** with me, keeps telling me all these awful stories that seem so real.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on October 23, 2018, 01:06:28 PM
10/23/18

Been feeling a constant derp state lately, just kinda floating through life, it’s been pretty shi**y.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on October 24, 2018, 12:46:21 PM
10/24/18

Had a pretty good day but today isn’t so great so far, feel really ruminative and stuck in my head.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on October 25, 2018, 01:05:12 PM
10/25/18

Actually had a pretty good day yesterday, was really nervous but got done everything I needed to!
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on October 26, 2018, 11:02:44 AM
10/26/18

Had a great day yesterday, took a lot of action.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on October 27, 2018, 12:44:59 PM
10/27/18

Yesterday was a good day even though I was run by my thoughts, I still took action and didn’t give up.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on October 28, 2018, 10:28:27 AM
10/28/18

Had a great day yesterday, I’m slowly becoming less and less stuck in my head.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on October 29, 2018, 01:01:41 PM
10/29/18

Yesterday was a pretty good day, today is going to be good too because I’m very present today and have stayed in my body.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on October 30, 2018, 11:03:24 AM
10/30/18

Had a good day yesterday, just need to stay in the present moment throughout the day so I don’t get so stressed.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on October 31, 2018, 01:07:28 PM
10/31/18

Had a solid day yesterday, was in a much better mood overall. Today should be fine as well.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on November 01, 2018, 12:54:20 PM
11/1/18

I’ve had a couple things bothering me lately, I really want a new job too but I have no idea what the hell I actually want.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on November 02, 2018, 01:07:06 PM
11/2/18

Going to really work on not complaining or getting caught up in the victim hood mindset today.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on November 03, 2018, 03:24:30 PM
11/3/18

Had a pretty good day yesterday, got nervous at times but I did everything I needed to do.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: johnleesmith65 on November 04, 2018, 01:09:13 AM
Yes I know.
Social anxiety and neverousness is what we deal with
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on November 04, 2018, 11:41:42 AM
It’s so crippling.

11/4/18

Welp I turn 23 today and to be honest, it doesn’t really feel that different from being 22 years old, the older you get, the less you care about stuff like that anyways.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Wreck on November 04, 2018, 11:49:04 AM
Happy birthday bro !
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on November 05, 2018, 01:58:31 PM
Thanks man!

11/5/18

Not feeling too good today, feel pretty upset that I keep getting pulled back into my thoughts, not really sure why either....
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on November 06, 2018, 02:27:16 PM
11/6/18

Had a pretty shitty day yesterday again, was hopelessly stuck in my fucking head, sigh, it honestly feels helpless at this point to overcome social anxiety, I have no idea what to do anymore.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on November 07, 2018, 11:59:11 AM
11/7/18

Yesterday was difficult again, I’m honestly not sure what to do right now, a lot of things are just a big question mark...
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on November 08, 2018, 01:46:54 PM
11/8/18

Just kinda derped around yesterday but did everything I needed to at the same time so I guess it wasn’t too bad, well by my standards at least....
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on November 09, 2018, 02:05:10 PM
11/9/18

Yesterday was alright I guess but today doesn’t seem like it will be any better...
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on November 10, 2018, 01:24:53 PM
11/10/18

Had a pretty good day, got nervous and stuck in my head at times but did everything I needed to do.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on November 11, 2018, 12:00:35 PM
11/11/18

Had a pretty good day yesterday, did everything I needed to even though it was difficult at times.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on November 12, 2018, 01:53:21 PM
11/12/18

Had a pretty good day yesterday, took a lot of action even though it was uncomfortable and painful to do so.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on November 13, 2018, 02:04:25 PM
11/13/18

Yesterday was difficult again but I did what I needed to do.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on November 14, 2018, 01:55:20 PM
11/14/18

Had a pretty good day yesterday even though it was painful to get through the day haha.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on November 15, 2018, 02:04:42 PM
11/15/18

Had a pretty good day yesterday, stayed present to the moment and did everything I needed to do.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on November 16, 2018, 02:01:02 PM
11/16/18

Thank God it’s Friday, seriously, I’m so done with my job, going to look for a new one this weekend, tired of dealing with silly bullshit every day.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on November 17, 2018, 06:17:37 PM
11/17/18

Yesterday was alright, time to relax for the weekend though haha.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on November 18, 2018, 01:53:40 PM
11/18/18

Had a pretty decent day yesterday, the beginning of it was rough but I was able to pull myself together.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on November 19, 2018, 01:26:54 PM
11/19/18

Had a pretty good day yesterday, got everything done that I needed to.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on November 20, 2018, 01:29:32 PM
11/20/18

Yesterday was pretty good day!
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on November 21, 2018, 12:40:55 PM
11/21/18

Yesterday was alright I guess haha.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on November 22, 2018, 02:23:57 PM
11/22/18

Happy thanksgiving! Time for awkward moments with family members I never see or talk to! Oh well, it hasn’t been too bad so far today...
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on November 23, 2018, 12:58:45 PM
11/23/18

Thanksgiving wasn’t awkward and was less bad than I expected...today it’s time to work though....ugh hopefully it won’t be too busy since it’s Black Friday....
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on November 24, 2018, 12:53:58 PM
11/24/18

Work was pretty shitty yesterday but at least I don’t have to work today!
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on November 25, 2018, 08:55:57 AM
11/25/18

Well I have to work today but it shouldn’t be too difficult because it’s only a 5 hour shift and it shouldn’t be too busy, hopefully.....
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on November 26, 2018, 02:05:23 PM
11/26/18

Well yesterday was pretty difficult, work was tough and I was being run by my emotions most of the day.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on November 27, 2018, 02:11:21 PM
11/27/18

Had a pretty tough day yesterday, got stuck in my head and was angry over some things as well.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on November 28, 2018, 01:42:06 PM
11/28/18

Yesterday was much better than the day before, still could be better though haha.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on November 29, 2018, 01:40:52 PM
11/29/18

My mind has been pretty busy lately, it’s messing with me so bad, but I’ve done a pretty good job of not listening to it so far.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on November 30, 2018, 01:49:06 PM
11/30/18

My mind has been messing with me still, so much doubt and confusion, like a broken record between my ears, drives me insane sometimes.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on December 01, 2018, 01:06:36 PM
12/1/18

Work was a pile of ass yesterday but I had a great ending to my night, went to my first concert ever, saw Metallica and they fucking killed it! Great ass show, glad I got to see them before they eventually aren’t playing anymore, they’re getting damned old haha.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on December 02, 2018, 01:52:02 PM
12/2/18

Yesterday was a pretty good day, stayed busy and did what I needed to do.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: changemylife on December 03, 2018, 11:05:36 AM
You're doing pretty well, man! I just started my journey and I want to put my life on track.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on December 03, 2018, 01:32:20 PM
Thanks dude, yeah just keep going and don’t give up!

12/3/18

Had a pretty good day yesterday, did what I needed to even though it was tough at times.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on December 04, 2018, 01:37:21 PM
12/4/18

Feeling pretty anxious today but I had a great day yesterday and took care of everything I needed to and embraced my emotions fully, my mind was spinning all over the place but I’m getting better at accepting it without doing anything about it.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on December 05, 2018, 01:24:31 PM
12/5/18

Had a pretty good day yesterday, got really anxious at times but I didn’t buy in to my negative thoughts, I’m slowly getting out of my head more and more when I’m social situations!
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on December 07, 2018, 01:15:30 PM
12/6/18

Yesterday was pretty good day.

12/7/18

Yesterday sucked and was fine at the same time, I’m really starting to get pissed though, I always have some kind of pain in my body or some kind of headache and it’s driving me insane because I have no idea what’s causing it.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: changemylife on December 07, 2018, 02:08:28 PM
Jake, you've touched a sensitive string, man! My first two jobs had no younger women at all. I wanted to find a girlfriend and had no chance. My first job ever was in a big ass office where I was all alone. That's right. Two big rooms, one on the ground floor the other one upstairs and I was all alone in there. Spooky to say the least.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on December 08, 2018, 01:56:48 PM
Yeah my man my job has been tough for sure, I’m doing my best not to complain though because it can always be worse and complaining and being negative about it won’t help or make it easier either, besides, why be miserable about something that already is as it is? I’d like to find a different job that better suits my skills but I don’t know what that is right now so I’ll do my best in the position I’m currently in.

12/8/18

Yesterday was pretty tough, I kept getting caught up in the negative story that my mind was telling me, I really need to bring more patience and acceptance to my everyday experience...
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: changemylife on December 09, 2018, 08:32:57 AM
Even after hitting rock bottom and being at the bottom of the hole, remember that it could always be dug further. There is no official rock bottom if we don't give it power. Complaining about how life is right now won't change anything, actions will and we have the duty to look for better things in our life, climbing out of the hole.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on December 09, 2018, 03:57:17 PM
True that.

12/9/18

Had to work again today, it was alright, I’m looking forward to be able to start this week on a good note.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on December 10, 2018, 01:19:29 PM
12/10/18

Yesterday was a pretty good day, today has been too go so far though, I’m feeling paranoid and nervous most of the time and it’s pretty awful.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on December 12, 2018, 01:42:57 PM
12/11/18

Had a pretty tough day yesterday, my job hasn’t been going well at all.

12/12/18

Yesterday was a better day, felt like I was in much better control of my day.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on December 13, 2018, 01:09:05 PM
12/13/18

Yesterday was pretty tough and my mind is still fucking with me but I’m going to keep going regardless!
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: changemylife on December 13, 2018, 02:33:14 PM
You're better than your mind. Remember, you are made from 2 parts: Soul and body. Mind belongs to the body. Listen to your soul.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on December 15, 2018, 01:32:59 PM
For sure man, the mind is just kind of random and you don’t have that much control or what comes up in there.

12/15/18

Had a pretty good day yesterday, did what I needed to, things are slowly starting to get better for me socially.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: changemylife on December 16, 2018, 07:44:18 AM
Your soul is the truth. But we only listen to the mind and the mind is not always our ally. It's often our enemy. The mind likes sin, likes pleasure, porn is pleasure and sin. We need to listen to what our soul wants. We know but we don't pay attention.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on December 16, 2018, 01:37:54 PM
Yeah for sure.

12/16/18

Had a pretty good day yesterday, was able to do everything I needed to and got out of my house as well.

Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on December 17, 2018, 01:15:27 PM
12/17/18

Yesterday was a pretty good day, I’m not feeling the best right now though.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on December 18, 2018, 01:22:14 PM
12/18/18

Had a pretty good day yesterday, I definitely got stuck in my head at times but I did everything I needed to do.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on December 19, 2018, 01:12:30 PM
12/19/18

Yesterday wasn’t that great, kinda sorta feeling stuck again.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on December 20, 2018, 12:25:49 PM
12/20/18

Yesterday was kinda shit haha.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on December 21, 2018, 01:26:00 PM
12/21/18

Had yesterday off, it wasn’t that great though...
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on December 22, 2018, 01:08:07 PM
12/22/18

Yesterday was a pretty hard day but I got everything I needed to done.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on December 23, 2018, 08:49:42 AM
12/23/18

Yesterday was absolutely awful, I relapsed again and I’m starting to feel hopeless about life in general, I just keep doing the same fucking patterns over and over and it seems that my life will just be a meaningless battle of constantly trying to get away from my painful feelings and thoughts. I’m just lost and down right now, it seems that no matter what I seem to do I just can’t break free and I’m feeling like I’m running out of time and wasting my life away.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Do or die on December 23, 2018, 10:42:59 AM
Start again. Do it this time. Best of luck
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on December 24, 2018, 09:04:07 AM
Yeah about all I can do at this point....

12/24/18

Yesterday was ok, today will probably still be difficult though, not really looking forward to it at all.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on December 25, 2018, 02:23:00 PM
12/25/18

Had a pretty good day yesterday, I was damn tired but I was able to get everything done that I needed to.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: changemylife on December 25, 2018, 03:20:59 PM
12/25/18

Had a pretty good day yesterday, I was damn tired but I was able to get everything done that I needed to.

That's right, man. You have to do what you have to do that day. Don't put PMO between them because you waste time with it instead of doing something else.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on December 26, 2018, 01:09:32 PM
Yeah for sure.

12/26/18

Yesterday was ok, I’m feeling really depressed and hopeless today though, it hasn’t been fun at all.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on December 27, 2018, 01:05:05 PM
12/27/18

Had a pretty good day yesterday but a lot of fear and pain was present.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on December 28, 2018, 01:13:38 PM
12/28/18

Yesterday was similar to the day before, had a pretty good day but a lot of fear and pain was present in me.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on December 29, 2018, 02:30:40 PM
12/29/18

Had a pretty good day yesterday but got down on myself a couple times and was upset about a few things as well
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on December 30, 2018, 05:10:48 PM
12/30/18

Had a pretty good day yesterday, have kind of felt down about today though.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on December 31, 2018, 11:27:16 AM
12/31/18

Yesterday ended up being pretty good, I’m kinda feeling down about today though.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on January 01, 2019, 01:11:03 PM
1/1/19

Had a pretty good day, stayed busy even though it was tough at times.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on January 02, 2019, 12:19:20 PM
1/2/19

Had a pretty good day yesterday, I’ll be able to chill for the next 3 days, I’m off work which is always nice.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on January 03, 2019, 12:27:18 PM
1/3/19

Yesterday was a tough day but I did everything I needed to do.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on January 04, 2019, 12:20:12 PM
1/4/19

Had a pretty good day yesterday, did what I needed to do.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on January 05, 2019, 07:46:56 AM
1/5/19

Yesterday was really tough but I did everything I needed to do.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on January 06, 2019, 12:31:18 PM
1/6/19

Had a pretty good day yesterday, I found a new job and I’ll be starting in a couple weeks, it’s two weeks from now, it’s the same company but I’m moving to a new building and doing completely different work, it’s honestly refreshing to make a change, the work I’ll do will be MUCH more enjoyable, I won’t be wandering into work every day paranoid about getting people over the phone to pay and do things so I’ll hit my “metric” or “quota”, I’ll be completely in control of my own destiny, which is exactly what I want.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on January 07, 2019, 12:54:48 PM
1/7/19

Back to work today, thankfully I only work 3 days today and I’ll also be giving my 2 weeks notice as well.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on January 08, 2019, 11:55:02 AM
1/8/19

Had a pretty good day yesterday, have some time off this week before starting my new job so that’s always nice.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on January 09, 2019, 12:19:37 PM
1/9/19

Feeling pretty down today, there are just a lot of things that I really don’t want to do but I have to anyways ugh.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on January 10, 2019, 12:00:06 PM
1/10/19

Had a pretty good day yesterday, took a lot of action to get out of my comfort zone.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on January 11, 2019, 12:59:05 PM
1/11/19

Yesterday was ok, I would have liked to take more action though.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on January 12, 2019, 12:30:05 PM
1/12/19

Yesterday was pretty tough but I made it through. I need to embrace and accept everything fully.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on January 13, 2019, 12:34:46 PM
1/13/19

I’ve been feeling really depressed and down the past day, just feel really hopeless and lost right now, my mind is confusing me and I don’t know where to turn anymore, it’s been a living hell.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on January 14, 2019, 01:39:33 PM
1/14/19

Yesterday was pretty tough but I’ve been getting really caught up in my head and trying to mentally understand everything, I need to realize that it is just the anxiety making it seem more important than it really is, need to stay and feel my emotions and not get caught up in the story because the doubts and worries are f***ing endless. It’s so funny when you step back and seee how insane it really is.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on January 15, 2019, 12:04:28 PM
1/15/19

Yesterday was a pretty good day, I need to really push my comfort zone today though, just need to embrace the uncomfortable feelings and act anyways...
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on January 16, 2019, 12:22:36 PM
1/16/19

Went through a lot of pain and discomfort yesterday, seriously felt like giving up a lot of the time but I kept going.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on January 18, 2019, 12:06:23 PM
1/17/19

Yesterday was great, did everything I needed to and took a lot of action.

1/18/19

Yesterday was pretty good, although I’m still really confused about a lot of different things.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on January 19, 2019, 12:34:45 PM
1/19/19

Yesterday was tough and I’m not feeling so hot today, didn’t sleep and feel terribly anxious too
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on January 21, 2019, 03:50:02 PM
1/20/19

Had a pretty tough day, had a lot of difficult things I had to deal with.

1/21/19

Had another tough day, I’m getting discouraged about a lot of things and it seems pretty rough to deal with.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on January 22, 2019, 01:27:14 PM
1/22/19

Yesterday was a better day, it was tough but I’ve been feeling more at peace lately.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on January 23, 2019, 12:03:30 PM
1/23/19

Had a pretty good day yesterday, I did everything I needed to do.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on January 28, 2019, 09:36:03 PM
1/24/19

Alright day I guess.

1/25/19

Glad I’m done with my current job, I’ll be starting my new one next week!

1/26/19

Going to be a boring weekend, sigh.

1/27/19

Not much to say about today really.

1/28/19

Glad I’m starting my new job today, should be a good one!
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on January 29, 2019, 01:20:40 PM
1/29/19

New job is pretty chill, it can be tiring though haha, I’m feeling sick lately, have a cold, hopefully I can get over it soon.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on January 30, 2019, 01:24:41 PM
1/30/19

Had a pretty good day yesterday I guess, today has been alright so far too I guess.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on January 31, 2019, 01:18:22 PM
1/31/19

Had a pretty good day yesterday but I was feeling sick and pretty bad overall.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on February 01, 2019, 01:10:54 PM
2/1/19

Had an alright day today.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on February 02, 2019, 12:21:22 PM
2/2/19

Yesterday was pretty good, did everything I needed to do and got some other stuff done too.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on February 04, 2019, 05:44:39 PM
2/3/19

Yesterday was alright.

2/4/19

Yesterday was pretty crappy, felt like shit later in the day.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on February 05, 2019, 01:45:29 PM
2/5/19

Feeling really fucking confused and lost right now, I’m really pissed off at how fucking complicated everything in life, it seems I’m making good progress then something comes out of nowhere and fucks me up, god I’m so done, not that anyone cares about this log anyways, everything just feels meaningless!
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: blueRaccoon on February 06, 2019, 06:21:52 AM
2/5/19

Feeling really fucking confused and lost right now, I’m really pissed off at how fucking complicated everything in life, it seems I’m making good progress then something comes out of nowhere and fucks me up, god I’m so done, not that anyone cares about this log anyways, everything just feels meaningless!

Brother, I am sorry about how you feel. Things will be alright, just stay there, be strong and fight it out. There will be ups and downs for sure but that's how life is supposed to be. We just gotta learn to ride the tides.  :)
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: changemylife on February 06, 2019, 07:24:36 AM
2/5/19

Feeling really fucking confused and lost right now, I’m really pissed off at how fucking complicated everything in life, it seems I’m making good progress then something comes out of nowhere and fucks me up, god I’m so done, not that anyone cares about this log anyways, everything just feels meaningless!

I don't know if this helps you but I kind of feel the same, to be honest. I mean, "been feeling the same" for as long as I could remember.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Rebooter2019 on February 06, 2019, 01:12:59 PM
2/5/19

Feeling really fucking confused and lost right now, I’m really pissed off at how fucking complicated everything in life, it seems I’m making good progress then something comes out of nowhere and fucks me up, god I’m so done, not that anyone cares about this log anyways, everything just feels meaningless!

I got some days like that and they're no fun at all, but they pass and we remain. We grow a little bit stronger each time we have that kind of pain, because if you think about it it's awful to feel like that. If we manage to get through that, how the hell can we not pass everything!!

We have to be patient and not too hard with ourselves. We're with you man, you're strong you just have to see it. You wouldn't have stayed that long otherwise!

Keep at it, you'll get alot better. It just take longer for some. But stay in there!!
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on February 06, 2019, 01:17:02 PM
Thanks bro, I appreciate the support, and you’re right, I think that’s the main thing is that I beat myself up and judge myself for not being perfect makes it worse, being patient with myself is definitely key because real progress isn’t linear, there are ups and downs.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: changemylife on February 06, 2019, 01:19:43 PM
We grow a little bit stronger each time we have that kind of pain, because if you think about it it's awful to feel like that. If we manage to get through that, how the hell can we not pass everything!!

We have to be patient and not too hard with ourselves. We're with you man, you're strong you just have to see it. You wouldn't have stayed that long otherwise!
Well said. I've been through harder depression that lasted about 7 years. It wasn't fun and not exactly how I wanted to get stronger but anyway.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Rebooter2019 on February 06, 2019, 02:05:01 PM
@Jake323 and @changemylife honestly I empathize with you both, because I had a major depression for 3 years and I know how it feels like... and I believe that nobody should be left alone when he feel like that.

That's why I try my best to give the best support, insight of my experience and what have helped me in the past so people can get better, faster and with less profond downs!

I'm far from perfect, but if I can be of any help I'll do my best! Plus I see alot of people that try their best to help too and that's so soothing to see :)

Stay strong and don't forget that you're not alone!!
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: changemylife on February 06, 2019, 02:11:16 PM
@Jake323 and @changemylife honestly I empathize with you both, because I had a major depression for 3 years and I know how it feels like... and I believe that nobody should be left alone when he feel like that.

That's why I try my best to give the best support, insight of my experience and what have helped me in the past so people can get better, faster and with less profond downs!

I'm far from perfect, but if I can be of any help I'll do my best! Plus I see alot of people that try their best to help too and that's so soothing to see :)

Stay strong and don't forget that you're not alone!!

Thanks, man. I appreciate.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: changemylife on February 06, 2019, 02:18:55 PM
... and I believe that nobody should be left alone when he feel like that.
That's right, when you have hardcore depression like I did, it feels like you are all alone. Friends don't want to hang out with you cause you look sad, you don't have mood, your speech is always negative etc. Family don't understand you, they think you just "feel down" but depression is more than this. People tell you things like "man up", "you'll get over it", "it will get better" and so on but you feel hopeless and you hate hearing those things cause they don't heal you from depression. It's definitely not the way I wanted to spend my life until mid twenties. It's crazy how my depression literally started at 18, like "okay, now you are an adult by law, here is some depression." I had been through harder things before (i.e bullying) and I didn't suffer from depression. Now I don't have anymore that kind of depression cause I've been doing things in this regard but it's not over. It just shows how much depression can fuck you up.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Rebooter2019 on February 06, 2019, 04:23:09 PM
... and I believe that nobody should be left alone when he feel like that.
That's right, when you have hardcore depression like I did, it feels like you are all alone. Friends don't want to hang out with you cause you look sad, you don't have mood, your speech is always negative etc. Family don't understand you, they think you just "feel down" but depression is more than this. People tell you things like "man up", "you'll get over it", "it will get better" and so on but you feel hopeless and you hate hearing those things cause they don't heal you from depression. It's definitely not the way I wanted to spend my life until mid twenties. It's crazy how my depression literally started at 18, like "okay, now you are an adult by law, here is some depression." I had been through harder things before (i.e bullying) and I didn't suffer from depression. Now I don't have anymore that kind of depression cause I've been doing things in this regard but it's not over. It just shows how much depression can fuck you up.

I'm sorry that you had to endure all that and I'm glad that you're out of it now. It show that you have the strenght to get over that PMO thing too, like Jake323 and me. We can all vanquish that addiction we've got.

Together as a community, as a team. We will be victorious no matter what!!
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: changemylife on February 06, 2019, 04:24:46 PM
I'm sorry that you had to endure all that and I'm glad that you're out of it now. It show that you have the strenght to get over that PMO thing too, like Jake323 and me. We can all vanquish that addiction we've got.

Together as a community, as a team. We will be victorious no matter what!!
Thanks, man. You are a big positive for being around. I appreciate that.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Rebooter2019 on February 06, 2019, 04:40:41 PM
I'm sorry that you had to endure all that and I'm glad that you're out of it now. It show that you have the strenght to get over that PMO thing too, like Jake323 and me. We can all vanquish that addiction we've got.

Together as a community, as a team. We will be victorious no matter what!!
Thanks, man. You are a big positive for being around. I appreciate that.

Always a pleasure to help whenever I can, we all deserve a better life free of addictions. If I can assist in this process, you better be sure that I'll do it!!

Stay strong ;)
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on February 07, 2019, 02:17:00 PM
We just have to take it one day at a time fellas.

2/7/19

Had a tough day yesterday emotionally speaking but I did everything I needed to and moved forward with things.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Rebooter2019 on February 07, 2019, 03:40:05 PM
We just have to take it one day at a time fellas.

2/7/19

Had a tough day yesterday emotionally speaking but I did everything I needed to and moved forward with things.

Days can't be all perfect, but stay strong and keep going forward ;)
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on February 08, 2019, 01:36:23 PM
Yep definitely.

2/8/19

Had another tough day, but today is a new day and I’m looking forward to things getting better.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on February 09, 2019, 06:07:18 PM
2/9/19

Yesterday was a pretty good day.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: blueRaccoon on February 10, 2019, 05:46:51 AM
keep getting the good days ;)
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on February 10, 2019, 03:28:14 PM
Definitely, it’s tough but you gotta plow through it.

2/10/19

Yesterday was a pretty good day even though a lot of difficult feelings were present.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Jake323 on February 11, 2019, 01:07:21 PM
2/11/19

Haven’t felt too good the past couple days, but I’ve kept going anyways.
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: Rebooter2019 on February 11, 2019, 01:28:16 PM
Sorry to hear how bad you felt, but glad to see you keep going man!!

Stay strong :)
Title: Re: Journey to a better me
Post by: blueRaccoon on February 12, 2019, 06:48:02 AM
Yeah, keep on going. You're doing good brother.