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Success Stories / Re: Thank you
« Last post by blerasdcru on May 23, 2020, 05:43:03 AM »
congrats buddy!!!
Day 0,

Im not saying anything negative about it, i'm just going to let it be and sink in.
The problem is that i've been ignoring my feelings.. I was just reading and posting on here and portraying my good ideas and behaviours and afterwards just simply went for it. So why the f*ck is that?

I've been struggling with myself and my emotions lately and what i also feel is that i've lost touch with reality to much, i was not aware in the moment.
And although the forum gave me great strength and understanding i've sort of locked myself away from my true feelings and went back to autopilot in dealing with things, one of them being PMO. Luckily it was a quick one, but a relapse none the less.

Ok, so how to move forward from this? What where the triggers/situations/feelings?

1. Being alone
2. Being alone and not sticking to my own 6 point plan
3. A unaware state of being, as is i were occupying my own body as a shell, a husk. I did not feel connected to reality (i am overexagarating this feeling) and thus my emotions and the negative feelings.

This was a perfect prelude to a relapse. It felt natural to do it..

So, on how to approach the triggers;

1. Being alone; this is something that is going to happen a lot in the future. So how to deal with that?
2. Being along and not sticking to my 6 point plan; well, this is something that can be changed. Why did I not reach for it? The anwer for me lies in point three
3. An unaware state of being is usualy an indication for me that something is brewing beneath the surface. Lately as you might've read in my thread, there is a lot going on. I have not been dealing enough with these feelings.

So from this day onwards; a fresh start:
In 90 days the 22nd of july

1. I have not PMO'd
2. My weight will be 90 kg's (94 currently)
3. I will have put significant more effort in dealing with emotions.

How will i reach these goals?

1. To start off, im setting a new 30 day hardmode; no P M or O! I will continue to engage as much as possible on this forum, and be more honest about my feelings. Also i do not have to fool myself. My tendency still is sometimes to ignore or dismiss my feelings as if they are not there. The build up of these feelings can accumulate to what i experience as being detached. It is a defence mechanism; being afraid to face myself. Self love is something I yearn to improve
Also, i've made a plan with the wife, that on the days that i work from home, she will join me in the attic to work. That way we got the alone part covered for a while. This is not a permanent fix of course, but we are going to plan it for the coming weeks.
2. Excersize! My diet is pretty decent; more than 400grams of veggies a day, at least one piece of fruit. We eat legumes at least 3 times a week. I drink 1,5-2 liters of water a day most of the days. I seldomly drink alcohol.
However, i do tend to loose myself in sweet things. I cannot eat one piece of chocolate of candy, the whole bag will vanish within a small amount of time.. So yesterday i did my first run in 2 years and we agreed to not buy sweets for a while anymore)
3. I enjoy watching lectures on dealign with emotions and how to do that with meditations. Tara Brach is one of my favorites at the moment. I've noticed that last weeks i've not watched a lot of those. These lectures help me and guide me to better understand my underlying emotions.

So, there we have it.. It felt good to write all this down. It might look a bit chaotic, but that is just me!

And thank the world for my wife, i cannot be a more lucky individual to have such a unconditionally loving wife.
Without here, i would not be where I am now
Ages 20-29 / Re: No PMO until Christmas ? Yes I can!
« Last post by Mr Freeze on May 23, 2020, 05:25:00 AM »
Hey Mr Freeze,

I will join you on your goal of mid-June completely sober. It's going to be tough, but that is what you're asking for if you want to change your life. Let's do this man. Peeking is an illusion of satisfaction as much as full pmo is. Peeking never makes it easier to avoid a full-on relapse. Remember this.

Hey faenoe,  thank you for your support man!  I understand if you stay strong until mid-june,  you'll reach the famous and strongly desired level of 90 days pmo-free. That's pretty incredible,  I really want you to succeed!

I can tell you the no-peeking rule is really helping me. 
The problems with peeking are:
- even if I avoid pmo-ing,  my addicted brain will never be clean of this disease if I don't stop peeking
- I know perfectly well that for my tricky brain,  the "innocent" peeking is really just an excuse to look for that one great video that will be so stimulating I won't be able to resist pmo-ing to it.
- peeking is just cheating myself by pretending I'm not doing anything wrong. And I know that if I find that one video I can't resist,  I'll just tell myself "well you've been watching P for one hour,  is that so bad to conclude all of this with a PMO? "

Ages 20-29 / Re: No PMO until Christmas ? Yes I can!
« Last post by Mr Freeze on May 23, 2020, 04:26:24 AM »

I'm starting this 5th day in a positive mood. It's warm and sunny outside,  i can hear the birds singing,  people mowing their lawn far away. It smells like summer and I love it. This time of year has always been great for my mood,  and that'll make my NO-PMO challenge much easier.

interestingly fucked up dreams

It does not come as a surprise that I would start having PMO-related dreams,  but still,  it's kind of crazy when you think about it.
In the first night (already!) after I started my current reboot,  I was already dreaming about watching PMO. And the following night, I was dreaming about fooling around with a P-star.
It feels like my craving addicted brain Is telling me,  via dreams,  "what the fu** man,  you stopped feeding me?!  I neeeeeed my fix man! "

It shows how addicted I am.  It shows how crucial it is for me to stop consuming P compulsively.

Ages 40 and up / Re: Building the new me..
« Last post by SeekingNewLife on May 23, 2020, 03:34:39 AM »
Hi everyone reading this!!

I have to be honest..i'm afraid telling my story it's been kind of bewildering for if you felt ashamed about it as i don't see many answers on this post. I'm not expecting anything special, but a normal interectiong would be beneficial for me as i exposed myself quite a lot on many aspects. This said.. this period is going to be the hardest i think. Yes i reached almost 8 months of nofap till now..seems amazing to me as well as to most of the people at the beginning this might seems the final goal as it would exactly be my though back in October thinking about been able to reach 8 months. BUT...despire many benefits that i can recon having received during this journey, i'm every day more conscius that this might only be the beginning of a change.
Like an alcoolist or a drug addicted, even after months the journey for recovery would only be at the beginning every day.

In this recent period i'm having cravings, partly induced by a girl that i've met on facebook during the lockdown. In some way that was beneficial as was thinking ang getting aroused by the idea of her and getting physical with her, which is a good sign being always and almost only been arouesed from my weird fetish for my whole life.
Now she changed her mind and we will never meet in person, and after two months of sharing thougs and even hot pics i'm left alone with this powerful energy inside of me.
I admit that in these days the place that she were taking in my sesual imagination now is filled by my fetish again.
Still its weird cause at the same time of having these cravings, my penis seems like dead at the touch while before when me and her were only waiting for the lockdown to let us meet in person, my penis was like calling me all the time. Now these carvins seems to be more "mind cravings" and somhow i noticed a can control them training and getting active physically.
Still this is being dangerous and there's a high risk of falling back now..

Well..somehow that fetish neve left me since the yes back in January in deleted ALL my collected videos and i managed not to go and search google anymore, BUT both at night in my dreams and even cosciously during the day i had many times my mind wondering back on my fantasies a little bit.
But hey...just a though is nothing compared to my bingin of the previous me. The point is that after this girl changing her mind i had a couple of times myself searching my fetish on google or youtube. I didn't masturbate but i stared for just few seconds at the images feeling the urge to get all that inner crazy wold back to me.

Now..this period, despite almost 8 months off, i'm feeling i might fall from one moment to another. I said i googled a couple of times, but i thouth about doing it countless of times and this is dangerous as soon or later i might fall and i cannot permit this to happen.
No, I'm not saying here i had no benefits after 8 months, as is note true! I have so much more energy and discipline, my mind is clearer and i'm little bit less controlled by strong emotions and i fell cleaner and motivated to keep this going.
But probably, i'm only at the beginning of this trip as it's like my boat was before was wasted and wrecked on the sand and now after 8 months it's only almost ready to cruise but still being on he same beach of the beginning.

SORRY guys for my English. I'm an Italian guy and i love English but i'm not a pro and i hope everything is clear and making sense to you. Also, as you know, it's not easy at all explain this inner world we have and what we think ang go through and i'm trying to report it the best way i can.

For thos who are starting this journey: KEEP GOING as yes it might be difficult but the benefits are real and it's the biggest even if hardest investment for you life!!
Pretty darn good MW and nocturnal erection. Also bladder seems better. Woke up and did not have to immidiately run to the bathroom.
Again i will try to oncrease my efforts with my studying.
Ages 30-39 / Re: My journal, my friend
« Last post by metal22 on May 22, 2020, 09:29:02 PM »
Any time I have had it where the erection only lasts for a short time it ends up with an experience neither of us enjoyed.  I’m working towards recognizing when this will occur,  so that the experience will be enjoyable for us both,  and intimate.
Ages 30-39 / Re: I've finally stopped. Now to hold on. My story to recovery
« Last post by metal22 on May 22, 2020, 09:21:10 PM »
Back in my dday a few years ago there was a number of guys I connected with that had been in similar timing and experiences as me.  It was the same for my wife in the partners forum.  I do believe that of the guys,  most have moved on.  There are a few partners that still post periodically though.
To be honest,  I had moved on too.  Until my relapse,  I hadn’t posted in at least 2 years.  I’m not sure why so many move on,  maybe the anonymous nature of things plays a role?  It feels hard to form strong lasting relationships in an anonymous way.  But that is unfortunate though,  some of us who have been doing this awhile have much to contribute.
Ages 20-29 / Day 1 again
« Last post by Seekingrevival on May 22, 2020, 09:07:40 PM »
Hello again, forgive me if I’m posting in the wrong place. I know we’re supposed to use our journals(not sure if this is it).

Today is day 1 again, it was day 3. Day 3 seems to be the most difficult for me. I almost seek it out, rather than just being triggered. I’m not posting this to pout or anything, but I believe writing it out and also admitting it to others will help. The blockers are back on, and the triggers deleted. If anyone knows of any tricks to break through the first few days, I’m open to it. My fall usually comes after work and exercise, when I start to hit the evening wind down. The only plus today was it was audio rather than visual, which is a start.

Thanks all! SR
Teens / Re: is there any hope for me? fetish addiction
« Last post by godsaveme27 on May 22, 2020, 08:43:20 PM »
31 days strong we chillin still depressed and since its quarantine its easier but I forgot what being social is like.
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