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Ages 20-29 / Re: Breaking the cycle of addiction for whole life
« Last post by Do or die on Today at 02:22:18 AM »
Day 7 at december 8
Feeling good to complete one week.
Ages 20-29 / Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Last post by quitforeverthenwin2 on Today at 12:58:34 AM »
Keep going strong bro.

I am going to throw up a bit of a flag man. You've been killing it for a long time but. Be careful dude! Step it up!

That scrolling through comments looking for something exciting could be really dangerous... what if you did run into something "exciting" in the wrong way? This wanting to be triggered, that's dangerous too.

It's great you are catching yourself when these urges and stuff are popping up. But perhaps you can aim to catch them a bit earlier?

I am in a similar boat, a bit complacent. But maybe it's time to pull out a bit of whatever was going on to drive us through the REALLY tough earlier days of recovery? Might be time to take off the gloves and really fuck this PMO addiction up. The little urges can be an opportunity to redirect FASTER and really eliminate those bad addictive pathways.

Very good you sharing this stuff openly. My vote is for a very simple change: Up the aggression and speed against the addiction. Aggression in whatever that means for you. For you it may be mindfulness, gentleness, but be mindful and gentle more aggressively! lol. Maybe a little more proactively is a better word. Just handle these urges and thoughts earlier, nip them in the bud.

We talked a lot about how the urges come and go through phases, that's true. But I have found when urges and the little things are eliminated very fast, less urges pop up. So this is something you can do, to not just wait out this tough urge month, but actively break it, through your actions. Not allowing these impulses to be go as far or be acted on even in the mildest sense. Do that for awhile and I bet less of them will pop up. I think we've both experienced that. It's like a weed sprouting, the longer we let it live it gets to plant more seeds, more weeds. We've got to stomp that shit out before it sprouts more.
Ages 20-29 / Re: My journal to recovery- Could use support
« Last post by quitforeverthenwin2 on Today at 12:47:29 AM »
Man, that's wild! You are right crazy how the recovery brings us to the same place.

Yes, just was falling into the "not so bad" mindset. Honestly for me the cure is ..... a little bit of negative motivation.

Case in point, I just had a really good night. I feel really good, a little too high probably. I went to a club, had a nice convo with attractive girls. Then a girl came up to me and started dancing in a very attractive/triggering way. Finally I met a nice girl on the way home (more on that later).

I feel like "high" about all the fun I had and the image of the girl's body part while she danced (I didn't even remember her face until thinking about it as I posted this!). I feel good and am "enjoying" thinking about it. BUT I need a little negative motivation. It's all fun and games, things are going in the right direction. But imagining that body part is HARMING my brain, it's harming my erections. It is a fantasy. It will lead to my dick working less well, me having less ability to connect with women. Perhaps to my dick not working at all and isolation. Quit, you enjoy fantasizing about that girls body part? Well if you do that, how will you like eventually really getting into an intimate situation with that girl and your dick being basically turtled up in your body and you feeling like you're in an alien world? The girl then leaves, us both feeling like shit. SO back on the grind. I had a good night, but time to stay clear headed, read and zzzzzz.
I feel like wins are around the corner, but I MUST MUST stay humble!

Anyway, the last girl I met I am real happy about. i was on the subway home, chatted with the girl. She was super friendly, I really liked her. She is visiting, leaves 8:00 am. Invited me to see a touristy thing with her tonight. I really felt like I wanted too. But DECLINED. Because I wanted to get to bed at a decent hour. Not going to try and suck up every last morsel of female company or .1% chance of sex. Love wins like this, as for me these are major signs that I have FOR SURE changed and maturated.

It was a win-win. I acted properly. Let her know that she was really cool and I really did want to hang out (made her feel good), made the right choice for my life. AND it is motivation for how awesome dating could be, it was really cool to experience that feeling of liking and connecting with a real live girl. For the first time that intensely in a LOONNNGGG time. I wanted to write, Man is it great! But don't want to get too high again. I feel good but don't want to feel too good. The good feelings come, by being humble and investing in the right actions upfront, the results come later. If I want more results, time to stay humble and take the right actions.

Ages 20-29 / Re: First time posting here. Want to get rid of this. I heard support helps.
« Last post by k-fff on December 07, 2019, 11:46:18 PM »
Day 5
Woke up still sick. Probably due to the fact an alarm was going off at 5am for 2 hours waking me up early and keeping me up. I have not had any urges really. I slightly paranoid because this a common day I screw up and relapse. Maybe, it is because I have less energy from the cold that I don't have as many urges so I need to be prepared when I finally get over this. I had some odd dreams the other night like maybe paranoi about pmo. I am having trouble remembering them. Today, I can practice piano and my drawing maybe some kickboxing, but I feel quite sick. Since, I have woken up, I probably have stayed too long in bed watching tv. This can be dangerous because my mind has associated watching tv with pmo and also reading online with that. If I do relapse again, I am going to try and relapse in a way that breaks the association with normal habitual things and instead attach it to a useless habit. Right now, I am feeling very wary because I have never really gone 1 month on my own with my willpower and this worries me. The idea is to think of this as the last time, but I am very diffident in this regard and I feel like that is a lie..I want to leave this stuff behind, but I feel scared that I am just saying that.
Porn Addiction / Christmas Story The Movie (leg lamp)
« Last post by pump20 on December 07, 2019, 11:25:33 PM »
I'm sure that most of us grew up seeing the movie Christmas Story. There some parts of the movie that contains leg lamp. The leg lamp has fishnet stocking and high heeled shoe on. I'm surprised that it's artificial and I hope no one jack off on that part. How many of guys jacked off on that?
Porn Addiction / Random boners while I'm at work
« Last post by pump20 on December 07, 2019, 11:05:00 PM »
I got random boners today while I was a work even when I surrounded by people. I can also feel the sensation too. Is this normal?
Ages 40 and up / Re: long frustration reboot...
« Last post by Sean K. on December 07, 2019, 10:48:25 PM »
Good luck.....

Just're not the only one going through it.
Ages 40 and up / Re: PUMPED To Finally Quit This Bad Habit!
« Last post by mattoondah on December 07, 2019, 08:58:48 PM »
Well, last night I went out to the bars and talked to a couple girls.  It wasn't going badly, but it wasn't going great.  So I switched locations and went to a different bar and met a girl just off the dancefloor.  She's from argentina, has good rhythm. It's HOT, like slow sexy dancing.  There's a wall nearby I throw her against, hand behind her neck, resting our foreheads on each other.  But... she won't kiss! 

After a couple attempts I keep dancing with her but stop trying to kiss her.  Eventually she says "I can't kiss you i don't even know your first name." So I introduce herself and eventually she kisses.  And kisses good!

End of the night, we go outside, I offer her a ride home, but she won't take it - understandable I'm still a stranger more or less. But we fool around outside my car for a while.

I start to get hard fooling around with her! know like how a NORMAL non-porn-wrecked body is supposed to react! lol.  She can feel it pressing against her and at one point grabs it, and says - i should go.  I should let go of your hard dick and go home - or something like that.

And it just kind of dawned on me I was thinking "Oh yeah it is hard!  How cool!" lol

We traded numbers, she went home, I didn't have sex.  BUT... this was the first time I've even fooled around with a girl since quitting porn a little over a month ago.  And - IT MOVED! lol. It definitely moved, and started getting hard.  I did make out with a girl a couple months back before I quit, and I don't remember getting turned on with her.

I was never iimpotent from PIED, I just had DIFFICULTY.  Like a bendy erection, at times not good enough for sex.  It's not like he was dead.  BUT... I don't remember him being this reactive. 

So, once again the real test will be actually having sex, but this was another really good sign!  And a good night! 
Ages 20-29 / Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Last post by BlueHeronFan on December 07, 2019, 08:49:57 PM »
Man, I think you hit the nail on the head about the worry. I was thinking something like that before you posted it. I think that is part of the recovery, consciously learning to worry less. I think worry is definitely a habit and it definitely can change.

I think writing can help, so that is a win win. Have you ever looked into thought disputation? The ABCDE's that stuff is really helpful for worry, I ought to get back into it myself.

Thanks, man! Yeah, I'm definitely setting my sights on this worrying business: time for it to go. I haven't looked into thought disputation before,  but I will. I was listening to something the other day, and it just started talking about cognitive behavior therapy and the different ways that people get stuck in unhelpful thought patterns and how to get out of them. That's also something that I'm going to look into more. A lot of what they were saying sounded like where I'm at now. So at least I have some leads for moving forward.

Day 275, 9 months to the day

I'm pretty relieved/happy to be at this milestone. The last month has been more difficult than the months before it. I think there are a lot of contributing factors to that, but I think I have also just gotten nostalgic/complacent/careless and have let some triggers in more than I should have. Even today, there were some moments where I really wanted to be triggered. Luckily, I have my internet on such a lockdown that it's just too hard to find triggers to be worth it. After a few minutes of scrolling through pointless comments on a harmless video, wishing that I could just see something more "exciting," I turned on a silly song to shake up my thoughts and then got back to doing something better.

I think I just need to splash some cold water in my face, shake my head a little, and quit playing the victim. At least I'm feeling much better now than I did earlier today.

Overall, today was a very laid-back day. Cleaned up my place, and it really makes a difference. I don't understand how or why, but it's easier to feel triggered when the place is a mess.

I have a date Friday, and I'm looking forward to it (obviously). My worried brain has been telling me for days that it's somehow going to fall through. Why would it? There's no reason for that, but that's just how my brain has been lately. I have to confirm the details soon anyway, so that will put my brain to rest. Plus, I'm on a mission, based on my recent reading, to do some Love Language detective work on Ph, lol. So I was thinking of taking her some chocolates or something when we go out (language of gifts), but then I thought it would be even better if I made some. So I did some tinkering today and made some chocolates that turned out pretty well, so I think I'll be making some more (now that I've practiced) later in the week. Look out, everyone, because here I come, lol! 

Next stop, 300 days!
Ages 20-29 / Re: My journal to recovery- Could use support
« Last post by BlueHeronFan on December 07, 2019, 08:23:23 PM »
Man, I was listening to Man's Search for Meaning just a few months ago! It's crazy how we're all finding our ways to similar places as we push through recovery. I didn't remember that quote, but it's a powerful one for sure.

That "not so bad" homeostasis is a tricky place to be. I think I'm feeling the effects of that right now, and I think I'm being a little complacent if I'm brutally honest. It's a good reminder to stand up straight and keep fighting the fight.

But it sounds like things are still going generally well for you, and that's awesome. Just keep it up!
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