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Ages 20-29 / Re: Be more active and social
« Last post by Ashu001 on Today at 12:38:39 AM »
day 1 and 2I tried to have sex with this girl but couldn’t get an erection. I was erect for maybe first 2 min and then it was nothing. Imaging how almost 3 months of progress can go in drain with just 2 weeks. This time eliminating the new triggers I found. Hope fully everything goes good.
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Ages 40 and up / Re: Exodus
« Last post by MosesY on April 25, 2019, 09:52:36 PM »
39 days free from porn now.

I was taught in church that I sinned because I was a bad person that deserved to burn in hell for eternity. Think about that for a minute. Eternal torment. Eternal. Forever. Most people think they are going to heaven when they die but according to the Bible almost all of them are going to eternal torment. This is what I felt about myself, this is what the church teaches. I deserved eternal torment because I looked at porn occasionally. When I asked for help to overcome porn I was told to praise Jesus and the temptation would go away. I basically got zero help with it.

I finally got to the point where I really wanted to quit porn. I began researching quitting porn on the web and found this site and then people recommended YBOP book. That book made me see two things for the first time. One, for the first time I saw what porn was really doing to my life. It was explained in terms that I understood. For the first time I saw it for what it was. Two, for the first time I understood what porn did to my brain on a scientific level. I understood why I could never quit before. Understanding this has been invaluable in resisting the temptation; I know that if I resist I will be rewarded by more peace and happiness in my life and also the temptation will gradually become weaker.

I believe that God led me here and to the book "Your Brain on Porn". I believe these are tools He is using to make me a better person. If the guys at Celebrate Recovery won't accept that then I don't want to be with them.
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I've been at this a long time, and yes, my refractory period has improved greatly.  Used to be weeks at a time.  Now it's generally a couple days, sometimes less.
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Ages 20-29 / Re: My journal to recovery- Could use support
« Last post by Quitforeverthenwin on April 25, 2019, 08:52:49 PM »
Yeah, I meant like idk challenging myself for challenges sake.

Like I'd make my goals "study every day for 30 min"
"Meditate twice day"
etc.
Before I knew it, I'd have like 20 things I HAD to do during the day, and would not be performing well at work.

What about just setting a goal?

"Make X more dollars this week"
Master this aspect of X hobby
etc.

Being willing to go for it, being okay with failing. And being FLEXIBLE in how I get there. I am moving towards this and it's working pretty well lately. I have had a lot of challenges, but I am just doing what it takes to get through em, not making it harder for myself not commiting to things other then getting results.

Daily update:
Skipped breakfast (never do that!) I didn't get to eat until mid afternoon and it had me tired all day, really wore me out even still. OH well lesson learned, make breakfast a priority.

Day went pretty well. Job stuff going well. There are other areas I want to work on BUT. The job stuff is number one for now. Going all in, I have an opportunity to improve my life a good bit. So going all in on that. Once I have the job, I'll have more time to balance out. So, I would like to say socialize tonight, but if I don't do much. Don't meet girls etc. so sweat. Job comes first!!!

Also: Gotta stay on track. Enjoy myself girl or no girl.
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Ages 20-29 / Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Last post by Quitforeverthenwin on April 25, 2019, 08:47:06 PM »
For sure it still sucks in the moment.

I am with you on this forum and communicating with others helping so much! I am not sure exactly why but it just makes makes it easier, or things that were not doable become doable. Like even now reading your entry, just gave me a larger perspective. I was a little upset about something but, now it just seems like less of a big deal.

Lots of helpful little moments like this ad up I think! Just keeping on track, the support all of it.

Congrats on getting up that 50 day mark! That is really great! Just keep moving forward! Eventually good things will come, sometimes I think of it like investing... I sometimes had days where nothing would make me feel better.... BUT I could still take actions that were good for me, exercise study etc. and gain the benefits and be feeling better a few days in the future.
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Ages 20-29 / Re: My journal to recovery- Could use support
« Last post by BlueHeronFan on April 25, 2019, 07:52:28 PM »
No, I think I get you: I sometimes do things that keep me busy so I feel like I'm getting results without really getting there. Maybe that's not what you mean, but either way, go for those results!

Now I'm thinking about replacement behaviors, too. I've been doing pretty good at staying away from PMO lately, but have I just been replacing it with something else? Thinking about now, I don't really think so, but it's something I'm going to try to be more aware of and probably write about too.

Keep it going, and good luck on your presentation!
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Ages 20-29 / Re: A new beginning
« Last post by BlueHeronFan on April 25, 2019, 07:46:46 PM »
Keep it going, man! Glad the meditation is working, too. It really does take the edge off, doesn't it?
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Ages 20-29 / Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Last post by BlueHeronFan on April 25, 2019, 07:44:04 PM »
Haha, thanks! That's one way of looking at it. Get through it all now so that I know I can deal with it in the future.

It does feel like a big thing, really. But it still sucks in the moment.

You know, I've tried a lot of things to beat this. At first I just tried stopping and that worked for a while. Then I tried focusing on other things and that helped for a while. Then meditation helped me to make a lot of progress, but I still crumbled whenever the urges came (they just didn't come as often). But participating here has really helped me over a huge hurdle in getting through urges without acting out. I don't know if it's just the habit of checking in regularly and writing out how I'm doing or y'all's support (probably both), but it's really helping. I think even my meditation has become more meaningful and useful in the last few months that I've been here.

If I make it through tonight (and I don't have any reason to think I won't), that will be an even 50. My first goal here was 100 days, and I didn't even come close. But then I switched to smaller goals that were more attainable, and I've gotten farther than I can remember getting in a long time. So thanks! I really don't think I could be doing this without you all!
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Ages 20-29 / Re: 26 - PIED journal
« Last post by GaNboot on April 25, 2019, 03:43:33 PM »
I signed up for a meditation class and the first lesson was today. I had experimented with meditation before but my session usually wouldn’t exceed 10 minutes until I thought I had achieved a certain calmness I stopped and if I couldn’t I would distract myself with science or engineering videos on youtube.
However meditation in a group I found was a very different experience. I think it was the pressure arising from trying not to distract the others that made me feel mentally and physically stressed. My hands were sweaty my heart and breath were fast, so I had to pay attention not to breath too loud. Also water kept running in my mouth making me having to swallow the spit and my body was so hot it felt like glowing. I tried to forget that I’m not alone but no matter how hard I tried to think about nothing I couldn’t relax in this unfamiliar environment. I constantly had the feeling of sucking at what I was doing, it was clearly not working for me. At some point I was so frustrated I would have liked to just get up and walk away. No way I would have made it to this point meditating alone, but causing such an awkward social situation would wasn’t an option.
The guy leading the meditation group explained me afterwards that it is totally normal to have completely different experiences during meditation, sometimes really relaxing and easy, sometimes a lot more difficult and frustrating, because also I would always be a different person. To be honest I thought he had to say that to make me feel a bit better, so that I wouldn’t give up.
On the way home though I was really surprisingly relaxed. In public I’m usually very driven and with a lot of strangers around me in a train a bit uncomeatable, always glimpsing at attractive women hoping to get a smile but also always afraid that they feel creeped out.
An old couple sat next to me and the women even pointed out that she thought I was very calm. She was super annoying being a total cunt towards her husband and she would have needed this meditation class probably way more than me. However it still was very pleased when she said that even though she guess my zodiac sign wrong afterwards, And after I told her my actual zodiac sign she said would have been the second possibility… Sure. Not crazy at all. Anyhow I think now this first meditation session was not a total fail after all like I thought during the session.
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Ages 40 and up / Re: Uk65tantra
« Last post by cranm329 on April 25, 2019, 03:31:10 PM »
Day 45: No PM
Half way to the 90 day target. No problems. Had to reassure wife that I was not looking at other people in sports hall. I didn't do it though had a minor trigger. Focused on my friends' activities. As soon as a temptation appears get into the present and be mindful.
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