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Ages 20-29 / Re: Rakses Reboot - I want to be free
« Last post by Rakses on Today at 05:25:21 AM »
DAY 25 - TRY 2 - I AM LOOSING POWER

It was tiring day at work - all that soreness infected me in home, I wanted to PMO. I had a glitch in front of computer, my brain was not keen to watch porn neither to do something. I had very strong urges but i felt it is not right to give up now i have been strong for so long.

Girls start to notice me. There was one girl that always appealed to me but for 2 years NOTHING. Just today she was very much into me :P It works guys. Positive note in these dark urge-ish flavored days.
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Ages 40 and up / Re: See them grow up
« Last post by workinprogressUK on Today at 04:47:34 AM »
Thanks CB for getting in touch. I hope you're well. I totally agree with your perspective on "toxic people" and their attempts to poison others around them. I find that part of the trick is working out who those individuals are, right? Because those people can be pretty good at hiding their true intent. My fave "head-shrink" book has a big chapter on recognising that there are probably very few people that each of us can truly trust to have our back when the shit hits the fan, and I've tried similarly to you to remove the toxic people, truly cherish the ones who are on my team, and not take the views of the inbetweeners too seriously. I hope that has worked for you.

Back from holiday today. I was right to be nervous because, as always, I'm suffering cravings today on returning. I took a deliberate decision to end my holiday on thursday night, so i'd have friday to organise myself and de-stress, before the hectic family weekend and flying out on work travel on Monday. That feels like having been a really worthwhile investment in compromise. The cravings were mainly brought on by being really tired on the way home, after a really intense week in the mountains. A bit of cognitive distortion, with part of my brain telling me that "X isn't fantasising" or "Y isn't porn", which was clearly bullshit. It got me thinking about the HALT acronym, related to Hunger, Anger, Loneliness and Tiredness. I had a quick read to refresh and refocus this morning. The URL is below. I was glad to be able to recognise the risk and manage it.

https://www.thetreatmentcenter.com/blog/halt-acronym/

Relieved to say that I've had no P, M or O since the start of January. Hopefully I'll get through today and into the weekend OK. I hope that anybody who's interested enough to read this will have a strong day today too.
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Ages 20-29 / Re: Connecting the dots ( This year i will change)
« Last post by pruthukkc on Today at 03:30:32 AM »
22/2/19 Day 5 clean
Got little bit urges but I control myself during studies I can't able to focus because of urges but I handle it.
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Ages 40 and up / Re: Not sure where to start
« Last post by Corey_Balboa on Today at 03:23:10 AM »
I have a general question, mostly for the married men on the forum. When your wife repeatedly turns you down for sex (whether the frequency is once every 2 - 3 days, or once a week, once a month or less). I have seen myself get turned down 19 out of 20 advances...(guestimate here obviously)

How do you deal with the frustration of fighting PMO (we all know the struggle) and keep your cool with your wife (most don't even know the struggle we have) since it's not her addiction (and she probably doesn't know about the addiction either), and we "suffer" for a lack of better wording in our desire for sex, but nothing. I know, in my experience, I try to convey I'm fine when I'm turned down, after giving her a 30 minute foot/leg and back rub and just getting wound up...and then she turns around and says "thanks, I'm going to bed now"...

I have to admit, I'm not fine, but I don't want to set her anxiety up, since she has been suicidal 3 times since 2016, she struggles with depression, anxiety, bipolar 2, and she's on SSRI's. She's also working full time, since we can't survive on my salary alone.

Looking for some advice here.

Thanks in advance.

Hey Rookie,

First of all welcome in this weird community. I really think that the fact of starting a journal is showing a clear message to ourselves that we want,and we have the strength to make this better in our lives. You and your wife have been struggling with tough things. We all need to comply with some frustration coming from our SO, as they don't understand this new urge and attitude. We have to deal with it, unfortunately, behind our cure there is a reconstruction of our relationship because our previous functioning included PMO. I'm like you, at the beginning, about a month of NoP and 20 days of no MO. I can see it brings confusion in my couple, me asking more than the once or twice a week and always horny. I try to transform it into snuggles and tender moments. I can't say it works yet but I keep the faifth.
This forum is honestly a good way to calm down a bit. Yes some of the stories can trigger you but the suffering and the questions you can read brings back more rational thoughts.

This is really the big difference between single and married guys here. The singles have to deal with a libido that, without any encounter with another soul, should remain until at least 90 days and beyond. The married guys live with the frustration of having opportunities that imply to reconsider the clockwork of their couple, with the ultimate risk that it would hurt the relationship with their loved one. I have no idea which position I would prefer if I had a choice. But here we are, dealing with this stuff. Do we have choices ? no. So be it and let's do the shit.
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Happy birthday Patrick ! It is the right time for changes in our life :)
We'll make it 100% !
Cheers,
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Ages 40 and up / Re: Patrick's Journal: A gay guy's imperfect reboot
« Last post by Patrick on Today at 02:23:49 AM »
It's my 50th birthday and I'm one month porn free. I pray to God that I never have to act out again. Good thing is that I'm 100% willing to stay clean. Good luck to you guys.
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Ages 30-39 / Same Old Story
« Last post by Nick421 on Today at 01:21:24 AM »
Hello all,

To make a long story short, I've been struggling with this addiction for over a decade now. The biggest difference now is that I am engaged to be married in a little over 2 months. At several points during my now 3-year long relationship, I've come clean about this addiction. In fact, I was brutally open and honest about it at the start. And my now-fiance was, and always has been, incredibly understanding. I even went 6 months (after first admitting all of this to her) without P or MB. It felt effortless!

But I always find myself going back to it, particularly in times of great stress. And while I've promised to tell her when I'm struggling last two times I've come clean, I continue to break that promise every week. And now we're getting married in just a few months.

It makes me sick thinking that, throughout the majority of our engagement, I've looked at P on and off and she hasn't known about it. I don't want that to be how I remember this time of my life. And I don't know why I don't just tell her when I'm struggling. She's always been so understanding before. It's like I hide it for so long to a point where I'm afraid to tell her. Is it that I don't want to tell her? That thought is troubling, but I have to confront it. I'm also afraid to come clean now, as we've already been dealing with great stress lately due to the wedding being just around the corner, but I feel like it's wrong to continue to hide this from her any longer. Or to get married without her ever knowing that I've broken my promise to her twice. I don't know if I can carry that secret or that guilt forever. I know, it's a small thing compared to what others deal with in life, but I don't want to use that as an excuse. Marriages can't have secrets like this. It's just not right.

The worst idea in my head is that this is affecting our engagement and my commitment to wedding planning. But again, I must confront what's in my head.

I feel a bit too self-deprecating and despondent to really dig into this tonight, but I plan on doing so in the weeks ahead. And talking with my fiance about this in depth. She deserves a partner who is honest and communicates with her when he is struggling. Biggest of all, I need to find a way to deal with stress and emotional/mental exhaustion. I've always struggled with this, so it's time to confront that as well.

More later. Thank you for your time, and good luck to you all.
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Porn Addiction / Flatline without PIED?
« Last post by AlexthenotsoGreat on Today at 12:39:34 AM »
Now I'm on day 21 of hardmode and I've noticed that I stopped having morning erections. Before I used to always have them, and I've never suffered from PIED with a partner. I can't tell you when it stopped because I don't have any journal to tell me. I find it strange to not have them, as normally I've always heard of the flatline happening only to guys with PIED. Also, I've basically had morning erections for as long as I can remember so it seems like they shouldn't stop so abruptly. That being said my fantasies have reduced drastically, and even if I fantasize an erection won't come naturally. So I guess my question is if it's possible to have a flatline without suffering PIED?
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Stay off all triggers. Social media is worse than you think. Facebook and instagram are huge triggers imo. Take a break from all electronics. Focus on you.
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Do you use social media? Facebook, instagram, dating sites?
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