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Curious, what physical things do you feel?  Obviously your a long rebooter.  I myself am too.  I am asking myself the same questions.  I haven't orgasmed or watch porn since oct 7 last year.  I have head pressure comes and goes all the time.  Sometimes I feel like I am coming out of it and I can start getting erections soon, then, like now I feel like shit and can tell there are physical changes going on behind my eyes and in the middle of my brain.  I"m flatlining right now.  A month ago I though all this was coming to an end.  Up and down Up and down.  I know things are still correcting itself in my brain.  But when does this stop.  I don't think anyone knows the true answer.  You have to stick it out and let the body correct itself.  Like you I want answers, but I don't think anyone can truly answer our questions.  Thank God for this forum, Gabe, Noah and Gary.  This is the craziest thing I have ever been through in my life.  And it seems like nobody understands except the people in this forum.  43 year old heterosexual here. 12 year internet porn idiot.
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Ages 20-29 / Re: Hang in there. Withdrawal doesn't last forever.
« Last post by Lero on Today at 07:23:01 AM »
It's been some time since I last had a good streak away from PMO but I remember the benefits as if it was yesterday. I have to keep in mind that I want to get there again. It's annoying how the battle between "A better well-being" vs "A temporary pleasure that eventually destroys" is won unanimously by the latter. This fucking brain loves pleasure more than my well-being. It's only when I look from outside (as if I separated my soul from my mind) that I could make the difference between the two but then the struggle starts. How long am I going to choose destructive fake pleasure and live my life feeling like shit, dealing with anxiety, low energy, depression, obsessive thoughts and so on? I know that all those are because of P. It's a matter of life and death here because feeling like a wreck is synonymous with being dead. What is a wreck? A broken ship, on the bottom of the ocean, that doesn't fulfill its duty anymore, that doesn't have a "life" anymore.
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A new journey begins

I will not lie, writing my post on 25/06 was risky. It trigger me like i was not triggered for months, and in the same night i woke up at 6am, a raging boner and dreams of femdom and porn.
In fact, writing anything on these forums is a trigger to me. So many times i started a journal like this, so many times i failed...

But not this time. I held strong, and it felt good. But i smoked weed, with the excuse that it would help with the cravings. It did not, it made them worse, but any excuse is good to smoke. Because i am an addict.

Today, however, things went better: i started the day with a nice shower, a walk and biked to work (it was a nice day). I feel good and energetic, and i know smoking weed will only make this feeling go away, lowering blood pressure and oxygen in the blood.

The plan is to go to the gym for some good workout, and meet my gf, which is enough motivation to not indulge in cigarettes or weed.

Today it does not feel hard to restrain myself from checking porn websites.
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Ages 20-29 / Re: Hang in there. Withdrawal doesn't last forever.
« Last post by Lero on Today at 04:14:02 AM »
Day 4

Danger day. The day when I usually relapse. But I don't have urges so far which is rare. Nevertheless, I welcome this. My mood is a little better than yesterday and I am better rested.
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Ages 20-29 / Re: Hang in there. Withdrawal doesn't last forever.
« Last post by Lero on Today at 04:13:02 AM »
No problem! I'm happy it's supportive, and I appreciate your support too!

That's no good that you're still feeling bad. Stress at work could definitely have something to do with your sleep and your relapse. I know I always relapse more when I'm tired.

I know just getting more sleep or dealing with work stress are easier said than done, but even finding small things to help take the edge off can make a big difference. I've been working harder to stay away from screens in the last hour or two before going to bed and just reading a book instead. It has really helped me to go to bed without having so many racing thoughts. It doesn't always work, but it does help. Finding some routine to set stress aside and just settle into a quiet night might be helpful.

Hang in there, man! Better days are coming!

Thanks, man.
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Ages 20-29 / Re: A new beginning
« Last post by Lero on Today at 04:10:49 AM »
You're exactly right about trying to have fun doing those things. I've struggled with my weight for a long time, and I never had any success because I couldn't find a way of losing weight that I didn't hate. In the last couple years, though, I started doing yoga (the first exercise I actually liked) and that led me to start developing a healthier diet. For the first time in my life, I've been losing weight, not because I didn't try before but because I finally found something that I liked doing and could keep doing. I guess I started to find a new lifestyle instead of trying to build a habit that was just punishing me for getting overweight in the first place.

It probably seems pretty sill to try to quit PMO if it only makes our life worse. I 100% support the idea of shifting gears so that your post-PMO life is actually a happier and more enjoyable one and not just a strict punishment for the PMO in your past.

Of course, man. You would not sustain a habit if it wasn't enjoyable. Considering the discussion about losing weight, people starve themselves, lose weight, only to break the fridge and put it back on, double. That's why a successful diet is a lifestyle. You don't eat in a certain way for 2 months, you eat year round. I think quitting P should be something like this, having a lifestyle that you could sustain without feeling like a burden, otherwise you will return to P binges sooner or later.
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Porn Addiction / Re: Struggling...
« Last post by AlexthenotsoGreat on Today at 03:58:53 AM »
Quote
When the addiction is attacking us and we fight, that is when we're doing rewiring.  When we're just sitting still and feeling okay, we aren't rewiring that much.  So, if you're sweating it out and feeling awful, remember that the feeling is you beating the hell out of your addiction.

Never thought of that before. It makes sense though. The days after very hard cravings have usually been the most productive for me. Keep writing in the forum, you have good perspectives.

Thanks to both of you guys.
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Ages 20-29 / Re: Not gonna go it alone
« Last post by Lero on Today at 03:38:59 AM »
Thanks, man! It means a lot. Can I also just say how awesome it is that we all came here to fight an addiction but that we also just end up talking about being better people in general? Fighting an addiction really does mean changing our whole lives, but I still think it's cool that we're working on other things too and supporting each other along the way.

Some addicts end up procrastinating. They don't work on themselves or their careers. It's understandable because all addictions become like an obstacle. With drugs or alcohol you are in another state all day, with P you lose that life energy and mood for life. That's why, for them, an important element is working on what they haven't. Streaks away from P are a good opportunity to do this. I know that I fit this category. I had to start doing things in my life because I found myself not doing to much regarding my career or myself. I used to play a lot of video games and stay away from leaving my home if it wasn't necessary (go to work). But like I said, P has the ability to do this to us. That's why we have to fight to get a good streak away from P and use that energy to do what we haven't been doing. 
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Ages 20-29 / Re: Rebooting after shameful experience
« Last post by penguin_36 on Today at 02:28:06 AM »
Day 24
Relapses 1


This is crazy, a few minutes ago I was about to break by 24 days streak. Being honest I was way too close to breaking it, I started to watch hot girls on instagram, it is no porn but still it is a little bit of cheating. For 2 or 3 times I almost gave in to start a porn binge, but I was able to stop myself. This last few days have been really hard, huge urges all day long. This was the strongest one so far. I am SO glad I resisted it. I would be feeling so bad right now.

50 days here I come.

Hey buddy,
     I'm Soo damn happy to see you recover and defeat this evil. You are headed in the right direction. 25 days is a great streak. You are very close to freedom. We can't give up now. So I would like to advice you one thing which I have experienced. Please Stop watching girls on instagram, or Facebook, or wherever. Even if it doesnot seem like porn, it will pull you towards it. I have experienced that since I have stopped using  Instagram, Facebook and YouTube, I have not relapsed. Many of my relapsed were due to watching girls on Insta. I have even stopped watching movies for sometime. Social media is full of pornography. Stay away from any content that arouses you, like the girls on Insta.
   All the Best for your recovery friend.
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Ages 20-29 / Re: 27 And Done With Porn
« Last post by penguin_36 on Today at 02:13:37 AM »
Hey Adventurer,
       So happy to see that you have realised there is a problem and want to overcome it. How's your recovery going? What day are you at? I hope you defeat this evil very soon and forever this time. I would advice you to update your journal on a regular basis. Thanks for your help and support by the way. We are with you. Let's defeat this evil together. Let's fight for LOVE.
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