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Messages - Parhutch

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My depression and anxiety are off the chart.  4 days of no PMO.  Have others found this to be the case?  Or am I dealing with more than just porn withdrawal? 

Financial issues have scared me my entire life - 64 now and was scared financially when I left college - first day of work.  Porn answered the call for a long time for that fear.

Just wondering if will see some easing of this intense depression / anxiety because these first days are hell.  I understand dopamine receptors are damaged but wondering if mine are irreparably damaged.  Probably need older addicts here to weigh in or maybe it is bad for all ages.

Porn Addiction / Re: Withdrawal - is it just porn or more
« on: December 23, 2016, 12:59:09 PM »
Great points guys - I do believe in 12 steps to some degree.  Have worked my way to 5 a- telling another human being about this isssue.  Hadn't been able to find that person - but lastbnight in depth of depression - talked with wife - she is aware obviously but I took it back to first nude pictures viewed at time our family life was coming apart.  How they made me feel so good and a survival tool was born that "worked" for 50 years - what a way to live life huh?

An hour later I had a depression lift unlike any in this month of beginning to face reality.  So thankful for these last few hours.  So for now on we go.  Have conf call
Therapist at 2:45.  Will comment more later.

Many thanks to all who reply here.  As William One and Done says - little prayers being sent to each other .

Porn Addiction / Re: Withdrawal - is it just porn or more
« on: December 22, 2016, 08:13:16 PM »
Thank you - it is truly a disease of our brain.  Seeing little light in taking the fight to the bad thoughts and telling them you aren't real - you aren't who I am

Ages 40 and up / Re: Fear of loss of income / home
« on: December 22, 2016, 07:40:56 PM »
Thank you Big Step - I hear that.  I may be in hell now but there is a way out and it isn't the way I came in. 

Ages 40 and up / Re: The Progress Report and Withdrawal symptoms
« on: December 22, 2016, 05:26:35 PM »
Hear you loud and clear - I am beset by depression - that I am going to fail financially which was my fear from childhood - started porn back then - at 14 - saw pictures of nude women and it just really hit me.  Going to Playboy and Penthouse were my answers for years and then boom internet made it all there.  I am porn free now for about 48 hours but I wonder if I am going to suffer so horribly everyday as I am now.  My wife thinks it is just me not having guts to get out and face job. 

But that was my fear from the start - the stressor that drove me to porn.  At least from looking back seems that way - this journey - can it be made at older age - 64 - seems these forums are dominated by younger guys facing ED issues - feel for them - but these feelings of hopelessness , worthlessness and fear are another thing all together.

Ages 40 and up / Re: Fear of loss of income / home
« on: December 18, 2016, 10:51:41 PM »
Thank you , Bob.  It is a rough time now - not only is the fear overwhelming but the physical withdrawal is painful.  Feel so unsure, life is lived best with hope and faith. This damn addiction tries to steal those from us - and sometimes as for me now - they are missing just need to find them again.

Porn Addiction / Withdrawal - is it just porn or more
« on: December 18, 2016, 09:41:21 PM »
I am PMO free for 3 days 5 1/2 hours and in horrible place.  I have feared failing financially since I was 22 and also fear what people would think.  I started using porn at 18 to medicate.

In 1996 with internet - went  crazy with porn.  Past 10 years used it 5 hours a day except weekends when played golf.  But now the fear of financial failure and letting wife and children down is overwhelming - don't want to use porn but mind screams you will fail and nothing to shut it off .

Wondering how much is the porn use or memory of watching father die of alcoholism. And my mother losing everything while putting fear in me that never has stopped.

Ages 40 and up / Fear of loss of income / home
« on: December 18, 2016, 07:23:18 PM »
My father died at 50 of alcoholism.  We lost it all including home.  During the decline my mother was so stressed so that she created fear  for me - justifiably so.  Porn answered the pain - and has for the past 40 years.   Now I have stopped for 3 days and 3 hours and all that fear is rushing back overwhelming and the depression is devastating.  The only thing I know is the porn will never be the answer but I am in hell now. 

At the age of 64 - I wonder how long this will take - the financial failure I have always thought would happen is happening because I can't function.  Support
 and wisdom from group most appreciated

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