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Messages - KeepUpTheGoodWork

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Ages 30-39 / Re: Masturbation on thoughts of girlfriend overseas
« on: September 08, 2016, 11:21:05 AM »
I would recommend checking out to see if you actually have a porn problem. Some people don't, so the benefits would be different than someone who has a full-blown addiction destroying their lives.

You'll have to see where you are in the spectrum of addiction, if at all, and then decide what you want to do about it. If you don't actually have a problem, then the benefits won't be as noticeable as someone who has a true addiction.

Ages 30-39 / Re: How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb
« on: September 08, 2016, 08:42:39 AM »
This morning I was really close to finishing during my shower. I think maybe I had some anxiety about today and all of the things we have yet to do. But I was able to stop and turned up the cold water. I really can't wait to see my girlfriend when I get back home. I know our sex is going to be awesome!

Anyway, I do feel good that the streak continues, but I need to stop playing with myself even just a little bit. I don't want to slip up before hitting 30 days. I'm really trying to make it to 90 without masturbating to O, so I need to make sure I stop masturbating all together.

Other than that, no real triggers and I'm just working through shit at the house.

Ages 30-39 / Re: Masturbation on thoughts of girlfriend overseas
« on: September 08, 2016, 08:38:59 AM »
What I think we're all trying to collectively say is that masturbation is not wrong. Most people here have an addiction to using porn to get off. For us, that includes ALL simulated sexual stimuli. It doesn't matter if it's a pic of your gf or a video of a porn star or erotic books or even a Victoria's Secret catalog - if you are jacking it to some sort of sexual media (or even your imagination and fantasy) then it's not good for you.

The problem with most people here is that we can only get off if we have these stimuli and that's what we're trying to fix. Some guys are even as young as 14 and 15 and have erectile disfunction because of porn.

Many people will agree that masturbation where you are totally in the now and not using your imagination or using pixels to get off is totally fine because it is based on just the feeling.

For some of us, we abstain from all masturbation during our reboot to be able to fix the issues with our brains, then once we've rebooted, will only masturbate to the feeling alone, or will only engage in sex with other people. Pixels and imagery is no longer an option for us.

So if that sounds like you - you can only get off when using a pic of your gf - then you might want to try to stop doing that.

Hope that helps.

Porn Addiction / Re: does this count
« on: September 08, 2016, 08:20:26 AM »
Hi sunjim, I've had a few similar situations occur over the course of my last month. I found porn while cleaning out my old bedroom, I saw some pics online and my friend was trying to show me bikini girls on Facebook. In each case, I didn't really feel turned on. My aversion to seeing porn pretty much took over in those instants and I said, "Oh there's porn" and I calmly was able to look away, click away or throw away the porn. I think it's the sign of a big step for me - to see it as random media and not this sexually stimulating (or sexually available) thing. I think you did the right thing, by being able to set it aside and avoid PMO with it.

Ages 30-39 / Re: How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb
« on: September 07, 2016, 11:04:16 AM »
Today I'm fighting some real urges to PMO. So far, I've been okay and I've managed to keep working on the house through the urges. My brain has been trying to tell me that it will be fine and that I can M without porn. Or I can just use the Playboys I found in the closet the other day. They are of course, at the bottom of the garbage, but my brain is having crazy ideas about going through the trash to pull them out. Insanity.

I'll keep fighting though because I want to make it to my 90 days without PMO. I'll be home next week and I can play with my gf all weekend. I've been saving myself for that :-)

Personally yes I would call that a relapse. There has been some discussion that you can find that says we are addicted to porn,  not masturbation. Viewing porn just reinforces sexual simulation by an artifical means, even if you don't masturbate. Plus 2 hours is quite long, that's a binge.

Porn Addiction / Re: Pamela Anderson's Anti-Porn WSJ Op-Ed
« on: September 07, 2016, 08:33:31 AM »
Thanks for the video Crystal. While I think that the op-ed was good natured, the authors likely made some mistakes.  For one, calling porn users losers isn't going to make you very popular. Secondly,  because it was coauthored by a rabbi, there are more than a few spiritual references, making it an attack on morals, rather than a discussion of porn addiction. The authors made it very easy to be disliked by essentially attacking their audience, and missed the opportunity to use their platform for some useful discussion.

Ages 30-39 / Re: How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb
« on: September 06, 2016, 12:56:17 PM »

Porn Addiction / Re: Pamela Anderson's Anti-Porn WSJ Op-Ed
« on: September 06, 2016, 11:17:24 AM »
What's interesting is that there are many articles being written to comment on the op-ed. I started down the rabbit hole of reading them and getting upset by them. Many repeat the same things - there is no science behind the claims, porn is fine, Pamela Anderson is a hypocrite because she's done Playboy and the whole Tommy Lee thing (which people seem to have forgotten was stolen and sued against the distribution of).

I know it's an uphill battle, but most comments on these articles are in support of the ideas that Pamela just wants attention. I was thinking of posting links in the comments.

Ages 30-39 / Re: How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb
« on: September 06, 2016, 10:08:02 AM »
I'm feeling pretty good about my reboot progress so far. Not feeling many urges and I might be deep in a flatline right now. There isn't much to report because I'm just working on the house and not feeling much below the belt.

I am getting nervous because my gf is a few days late on her period when she is usually early. We had an accident in Vegas, so we're both aware of it, and now anxiously awaiting some blood. Hopefully, it comes soon.

Porn Addiction / Pamela Anderson's Anti-Porn WSJ Op-Ed
« on: September 06, 2016, 09:52:55 AM »
Anyone check this out yet? I actually can't read it, but apparently it's creating a lot of pro-porn backlash from people denying the science and results behind rebooting.

Kudos to Pam for bringing this subject some attention:

Porn Addiction / Re: My friend showed me a P Sub last night
« on: September 04, 2016, 11:10:46 PM »
I agree. His tastes are still crap, but just change the girl and it could have been me that I was looking at. I was embarrassed for him!

Ages 30-39 / Re: Can porn make you think you're gay?
« on: September 04, 2016, 08:43:06 AM »
There should be a few threads here about something called HOCD. You should search forthem. It's basically obsessive thoughts about being gay because they conflict with your true sexuality. Escalation in porn habits like you mentioned usually cause it.

Porn Addiction / Re: My friend showed me a P Sub last night
« on: September 03, 2016, 08:52:20 PM »
Thanks!  Funny, I read your response then went to reply and Gabe moved the thread! I thought it wasa pretty good success story, but no problem.

Second success story in a row. Came across some Playboys while cleaning out my old room at my dad's house today. I thought they might be old gaming magazines since the back cover was an xbox ad. Flipped them over and nope I was wrong. Anyway, didn't open them or anything, just set them aside to be recycled. Old me would have taken them for a spin for old times sake.

Porn Addiction / My friend showed me a P Sub last night
« on: September 03, 2016, 01:49:22 PM »
And I felt nothing.     8)

We were at the bar and he wanted to show me some bikini model on Facebook that he saw in real life. I braced myself for the potential trigger and even planned to kinda slap the phone away and make fun of his tastes in an effort to smoothly look away from it, but I didn't need to.  She was pretty for sure, but I just saw a sad individual, trying too hard with lots of surgery. I saw a real person witha different type of problem. I wondered if she was fun to be around, or a total drag. We looked through some more of her pics and he was loving it, but I didn't care. It could have been that his reaction grossed me out - or that it was like looking in a mirror - but I was able to look, bust my friend for his tastes anyway because that's what friends do, and I went on with my life. I'm very happy about where I am today, and hopefully it's a sign that I'm on my road to recovery.

Ages 30-39 / Re: How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb
« on: September 03, 2016, 01:32:03 PM »
I'm in Jersey for the next two weeks to finalize the estate sale. I'm all sorts of jet lagged, but otherwise feel really lucid. It's nice. I'm contemplating telling my brother about my addiction today but nervous about it too. I think I'm hitting a flat line, which I'm okay with. I'm away from my gf, so it doesn't matter anyway. Nothing ground breaking today, just feeling very good and clear, and relaxed.

Oh I forgot that last night, my brothers friend showed me pics ofa bikini girl on Facebook and I felt.... Nothing. I was proud of myself. No trigger, and actually maybei felt sad for her. She was really trying hard, lots of surgery.  It's a shame.

I also forgot that I've been reading likea madman. Two and a half books in three days. Yesterday I was on the verge of crying all day though because two of the stories were really sad. I may be feeling my emotions more.

Ages 30-39 / Re: How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb
« on: September 02, 2016, 10:01:18 AM »
Well I only have a few minutes to write because I am heading to the airport. Today, for the first time in a while, I got right up with my alarm with very little craving to M. I didn't really feel like snoozing. So I got up, did my meditation, which was better but still a little distracted (maybe I'm still too tired in the morning, so I'm falling into daydreaming), then I hopped in the shower and got ready.

I'm a little anxious about the flight, but it isn't causing any urges to PMO. So, I feel good, and I'm starting to feel more "manly" if that makes sense. Well, I need to leave in a bout 10 minutes so I'm going to go.

I'll journal when I can while I'm in NJ.

Ages 30-39 / Re: How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb
« on: September 01, 2016, 11:09:53 AM »
@FapFreeZone - Thanks for the kind words and insight. I've definitely tried adding a few non-alcoholic drinks between alcoholic ones before and it certainly works. I'm generally very comfortable with my drinking habits and will occasionally just keep knocking them back. The occasions are few and far in-between (I don't usually keep alcohol in the house, for example) but every once in a while - maybe once every two months - I'll feel like having a beer with dinner and will proceed to finish the entire six pack. I think my general mindfulness is allowing me to see these bad habits more than I had before.

I'm considering taking what I've learned of my porn habits - triggers, escalation patterns, reaction sequence, etc - and applying it to my drinking and eating habits.

For example, I think I might be triggered to drink or eat more when I am alone. I can have a single beer when with friends, but if the place is empty and I have a beer, I might have two, then three, etc. I am also more apt to allow myself to grab a fast food meal than if they are around. Interestingly, I don't think being alone is my porn trigger. Certainly I've done it while they were gone, but I don't get the same gooseflesh when the house is empty for porn as I do a hamburger.

This is all very good self reflection. As I mentioned in another post, I'm typically on my way to better fitness, hitting the gym regularly for 7 months now - down 15 lbs, off my blood pressure meds - eating mostly protein and veggies.

This feels like I'm recognizing additional bad habits from focusing on my porn habit. I'm making connections every day like "Hey, I should stop eating Taco Bell for dinner when my friends leave." I hope I find that I am not addicted to these other substances.

Edit: I think I'm the atom bomb. I started calling my personal journal this around when the U2 album came out because at the time, I felt like a bomb ready to go off. As I go through my life, I realize that I still am.

Ages 30-39 / Re: How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb
« on: September 01, 2016, 10:17:13 AM »
I woke up at a pretty normal time for me today at about 6 AM. No alarms set, that's just when I get up. I struggled again with this morning wood/ masturbating thing but maybe for not as long this time - about 10 mins. I seem to have very sexual feelings when I wake up that are hard to ignore. I'm secretly (not so secretly) hoping I'll have a wet dream to alleviate some of this restlessness.

Today, as I was waking up, I was thinking of an actress from about 10 years ago who also did Playboy. I saw those pics when it came out and they were just running through my head. Before I knew it, I was playing with myself and thinking of her and my gf. I realized that I was edging and I stopped. No P, no O, although I was closer than yesterday. I'm struggling to keep to my promise of no O without a partner, although the porn part really hasn't been an issue.

So anyway, I spent my day yesterday reading the entire Your Brain On Porn book. It was so interesting and I learned some things about my own addiction that I guess I knew, but needed to be brought into the light. I see myself re-reading it a few times.

I remember back to feelings of HOCD at some point, using tranny porn, gay porn a few times, but also rejecting those things more often than not. I used cams for a while, but never paid for them. Kinda got over that. The thing for me was the novelty of new. So I backed off my extreme porn use and instead just ramped up the quantity.

I also started seeing correlations to my overeating habits (and despair about my weight about 10 years ago) and my drinking habits (abstinence followed by the occasional binge) and realized that I have a highly addicted mind in general. If all addictions are basically equal, I need to concentrate on not using my other addictions as a crutch for getting through porn. Instead I should maybe try to make them all a part of the same package deal.

One good thing I've noticed is that my memory (and perhaps general positive regard) of porn is somewhat fading. I've spent a lot of time reading about porn lately (maybe too much exposure to it, so I'll be dialing it back) and every time something new is mentioned, I know I should have a reference for that in my head. I've been noticing that my recall of specific porn-things is a little cloudy. It's not as sharp of a memory for me. So, even in the morning when I've been playing with myself, my porn-stuff recall hasn't been that strong and I've been able to stay away. The thoughts of my gf are much more vivid.

Well now that I am awake, I don't really feel all the horniness and desire I was feeling this morning. I have lots to do today and my back is still sore, so I'll skip the gym in hopes that I'm good for the weekend. I'm heading home to NJ to help with the estate sale and there is going to be some lifting. It's also going to be very emotional and there are triggers everywhere.

It's going to be a nice, long 15 day test to get to my 30 days. If I can make it through the withdrawals and extra triggers, I can make it through anything. So far, I've been a trooper. I can keep this momentum going. I know it.

Ages 30-39 / Re: **Accountability Partner Requests**
« on: September 01, 2016, 09:49:20 AM »
Hi everyone, I'm looking for a reboot partner. I'm 34 years old, Male, in the U.S., in a relationship. Male or female partners, doesn't matter to me.

I'm pretty into this stuff right now, educating myself a lot and I think it would be great to make the journey with someone else.


Edit: Found someone, thanks!

It's important to remember that wet dreams are a natural occurrence and it seems that everyone's frequency is different. It stinks that you have the chaser effect, but the chaser effect and other feelings after the wet dream are a result of your porn use.

It's best to reframe the experiences as a challenge and an opportunity to get back to normal. Having wet dreams is completely normal and it's a sign your recovery is going well. Rebooting isn't about saving sperm, but more about re-wiring yourself away from artificial stimulation. Even the fact that your used porn in your dream is probably okay, because it is just a memory of your past sex life. Keep moving forward toward normalcy and you'll get there.

I found this while doing some quick searches on WebMD

"Wet dreams are a normal part of growing up. There's nothing you can do to control or stop wet dreams.

Even if you have a lot of wet dreams it doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. Some guys have wet dreams a few times a week. Others may only have a couple of wet dreams during their entire life.

Once you start releasing sperm by masturbating or having sex with a partner, you may have fewer wet dreams."

Porn Addiction / Re: Junk food?
« on: August 31, 2016, 09:01:58 PM »
This is an interesting subject. I was just reading the Your Brain On Porn book and it hit me. Since porn addiction acts like any other addiction in the brain by hijacking natural reward circuitry and sending it into overdrive, shouldn't then eating junk food, drinking alcohol, doing drugs, etc. really just reinforce the same circuitry?

The thing that stood out was the presence of DeltaFosB and how it causes sensitization and desensitization. If all addictions are equal and we are all striving to reduce the amount of DeltaFosB in our brains, then should we also be abstaining from those other addictions/triggers?

I think if your addiction is heroine, then yeah, that's obvious, but I started thinking about junk food and how at dinner I just socked away the last bit of a bag of Doritos and washed it down with a beer. Now, that's not normal for me whatsoever, but I just happened to finish swallowing that mess when I got to the paragraphs about this very thing in the book.

I have always been overweight, borderline obese, but my habits are much better overall now. Down 15 lbs and I'm off my blood pressure meds. I go to the gym every other day and typically eat all whole foods that I cook at home - the obvious answer is yes this is just better for you, so do it anyway. But maybe consider me also a recovering food addict/overeater.

I just needed to come on and ask, does overindulging in other natural rewards (sugar, high fat, aerobic exercise, etc) set you back in your reboot because it doesn't allow the DeltaFosB to dissipate? Or is each natural reward exclusive of the others?

Is there a way to summon people in this forum? Will @Gary Wilson bring an expert to weigh in?

Ages 30-39 / Re: How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb
« on: August 31, 2016, 10:36:13 AM »
This morning I woke up earlier still - probably 4:30 AM or so. I really struggled with sleepiness and M and edging a little too. When I did, I tried to stay in the moment, but I kept fantasizing about my gf. Eventually I mustered up enough willpower to stop and take a cold shower, somewhere a little before 6AM.

Now, I've just had my breakfast and tea, and I'm doing my morning read through the forums. My meditation wasn't all that great because I kept having bizarre dream-like thoughts and distractions. Maybe I was too tired or still half asleep.

I need to fly home last minute it seems, perhaps tomorrow, and I am a little wary of doing that. Being at my parents' empty house usually causes me to relapse. I've not been able to get through a visit without doing it.

I presume it's from anxiety and grief. Also, the house is pretty creepy and I would use PMO to fall asleep faster. I don't think I'll actually have to stay there, but I know that all these emotions will come flooding in.

I just need to look at it like a new challenge - face my grief and distress head on, get the house ready for the estate sale and closing, and then wrap it up nicely.

Dealing with Dad is going to be rough too, so hopefully I can keep my cool while we let him go through the house. It's going to be tough telling him that he has to give so much away.

Anyway, my plan to go to the gym is foiled today by a sore back. If I am going to be doing stuff at home, I need to let it relax. Funny how I always seem to get a flare up right as I am going home. This started before I found out I had to go, but I think the last three times, I was almost unable to walk because of the pain. It only happens once or twice a year and lately, any time I have to go to NJ. WTF?

Porn Addiction / Re: Flaccid masturbation injury???
« on: August 31, 2016, 10:19:58 AM »
It is a medical fact that our penile health requires regular erections to maintain.

Your body will do that by itself without your help or the help of porn. You will get morning wood etc. It doesn't need stimulation.

I doubt it, i haven't had quality morning woods for the entire period and norturnal erections have just gotten weaker following this incident.

Hey man, it sounds like you should just go to a doctor. So, I'm going to recommend you just go to a doctor to rule out physical problems.

Ages 30-39 / Re: trying to get back to a healthy sex life and marriage
« on: August 30, 2016, 07:48:57 PM »
Day 2 of no PMO, tonight will be a scheduled sex with the wife night, so Im hoping I'll be able to get it up, but Im guessing that this is going to take more of an extended streak of not looking at any P to see some real changes. I was thinking that part of the issue is probably a complete lack of foreplay. We have never typically engaged in much if any foreplay before sex, and it would feel awkward to start now. Ive never been a fan of kissing, fingering, or any of that. Just not what I like to do.

Good luck with the reset man. I recommend reading everything you can find here and on There's lots of information out there about what to do next. Remember that 1,000s of men are going through this and coming out the other side. You can too.

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