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Messages - KeepUpTheGoodWork

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Porn Addiction / Re: The book that can change your life.
« on: September 27, 2016, 11:34:58 AM »
This thread got me thinking that it would be good to have a post or a place for all of our book recommendations. I started and got through half of Terry Crews's book Manhood last night. I think it's pretty good. An easy read, but with some great insights into his life and actions. It was amazing that even though we had very different upbringings, I still ended up with similar bad habits and bad attitudes as he did. I'll probably finish it today.

Porn Addiction / Re: New journal, fresh start
« on: September 27, 2016, 11:28:57 AM »
Good luck man! That was a good first step and a pretty good feeling, I agree.

Ages 30-39 / Re: How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb
« on: September 27, 2016, 10:17:03 AM »
This non-edging thing is going to be tough, but I want to give myself credit for getting past it this morning. I edged a little, but I'm saying that I stopped and I got out of bed. It was an improvement over yesterday.

I've been reading the Terry Crews book and it's been interesting so far. I'll probably finish it today, but really I need to do some work on my capstone project.

Other than that, no real desires to PMO, so I feel pretty great in that area. Time to do my meditation and get on with my day.

Ages 30-39 / Re: How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb
« on: September 26, 2016, 09:50:12 AM »
Well the last two days have been pretty fine, although I have had a lot of desires to MO. This morning I even edged a little bit during that half awake/ half asleep period before I got up. That's always my falling point and it feels like I don't know how to stop myself because I'm not fully awake yet. Maybe an alarm across the room would get me out of bed. I naturally wake up at around 6:30 lately, so it's not like I need one.

I think it's all chaser effect and I should have known better than giving in to the urge on Saturday. I'm going to power through the urges as best I can and remember that I need to make it to the weekend when I'll see my gf. Five days is nothing compared to the 40 days of no PMO I've already done.

In a way, my MO the other day does feel like I've slid back. I realize now that even though I did it with some rules in place (no fantasy, etc) I wasn't really ready to try it again. I feel some shame and disappointment that I couldn't just wait another few days until this weekend. I know my girlfriend was disappointed too, and I realized that even just MO at this time makes her upset.

I liked my life better without MO, so that's why I want to keep going.

Today I'll be getting back to the gym for the first time in a while. I hate how that happens - skip a session and before you know it, you haven't gone in a month. It's probably actually been more than that. Anyway, I need to get back on my goals. It's all a part of becoming a better man. No more little kid stuff.

Ages 30-39 / Re: How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb
« on: September 24, 2016, 07:48:39 PM »
Ah well I finally let my curiosity get the best of me and I MO'd. Twice in a row - about 10 minutes apart. I didn't use P or P-subs or fantasy, so that's good, but I do have a counter for M and edging which I will now reset. I'm a little disappointed because you know what? It just wasn't that good. I know for sure that I prefer to do that sort of thing with my gf and I plan to keep it that way.

Ages 30-39 / Re: How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb
« on: September 24, 2016, 11:46:07 AM »
Yesterday was pretty easy throughout and I didn't have many urges. This morning however, I really felt them and gave in to playing with myself a little. I stopped, but I really wanted to to continue. My MW wasn't that strong, which I thought was interesting. Now that I am up and about, the urge is just in the background, like a static hiss from a radio in another room. I can fairly easily tune it out.

I'm on the fence about resetting my counter for M or edging though, since I stopped pretty quickly. Really all I want is a wet dream at this point to give me some release, but I may be too old for them now. I am not sure.

Ages 30-39 / Re: How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb
« on: September 23, 2016, 10:45:22 AM »
So yesterday was pretty good. No real urges although I ended up on the web for a bit checking out some articles that featured some super models. I didn't really feel aroused and just read the article and moved on. I know that's dangerous, so I want to limit doing that.

Last night I was having some funky dreams where I was MO'ing, but I didn't have a wet dream. When I woke up, my MW was back (missing for about a week) and I felt fine.

Still no real urge to relapse - not like when I was really fighting it - so I feel pretty great. I'm planning to get back to the gym next week. I've missed most of the month. I can't believe how easily you can miss so long. But that's no big deal.

Dad's house will sell on Monday and I will finally be free like I was in my 20's. Time to start getting my life back.

Ages 30-39 / Re: How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb
« on: September 23, 2016, 12:13:51 AM »
Haha thanks man. I was reading somewhere that some men experience an increase in fulness down there and I was starting to notice it. When my gf started noticing, it kinda confirmed it for me. Now after that weekend of fun, things are looking back to normal, but I suspect they will get bigger again before I see her next time.

Ages 30-39 / Re: How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb
« on: September 22, 2016, 01:06:28 PM »
I just hit my 7 days no M or Edging goal! That wasn't too hard, although I have to admit that the daily sex with the gf over the weekend probably made it easier :o

I'm not going to poo-poo it though and I'm going to up my goal to 15 days.

Yesterday I was very foggy all day and I don't know if it is reboot related or not. I got through the day clean though. Today I've been working like a madman and I applied to 6 jobs this morning. Fingers crossed!

I don't really feel a great desire for M or edging, but it's there for sure. I feel like I drank two cups of coffee, even though I haven't. Maybe I'm just energized to get going with my day.

I also accidentally restarted my Patience headspace pack. I thought it was new, but it seemed so familiar. I double checked and yeah, I've already done it. No biggie, I need a refresher anyway.

That's it for today. I'll be out for lunch and then coming back in the evening to work on my capstone project. Woot!

Ages 30-39 / Re: How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb
« on: September 21, 2016, 12:22:36 PM »
Okay, so I just spent a long weekend with my gf and things were great. We had sex every day and we had a great time. She kept commenting on how big my penis had gotten since the start of the reboot. It's something that I noticed as well. So anyway, we had a lot of sex and in general, a much better time together than we have had in the past.

As of today, I actually feel spent. I have little sexual desire, and thankfully I'm not feeling any chaser effect, which was one of my great porn downfalls. I am not going to see her for another two weeks now, so I may be coming up on day 45 or so when I finally do see her.

I can feel the benefits of avoiding PMO in the times we are not together - I feel much more alive and energized to do things. Well anyway, lots to do today, so that's it for now.

Porn Addiction / Re: Use it or lose it wtf :s
« on: September 21, 2016, 12:16:57 PM »
Hey I just wanted to jump on here again/ bump this thread because I think it's very important to note this change. This weekend I was with my girlfriend and we had sex for the first time in three weeks (I was out of town). I was exactly 30 days into my reboot and she could not stop talking about how much bigger my penis is.

And she wasn't just talking about when I was erect. We're talking in the shower, while i was getting changed, etc. She could not stop mentioning it and then giving me smiles and winks.

So, again, I think you will need to go A LOOONG time for your penis to shrink. As of now, rebooting seems to be doing wonders for my sex life.

Porn Addiction / Re: Use it or lose it wtf :s
« on: September 20, 2016, 09:30:43 AM »
This is just a click bait article man. No where does it say how long it takes to lose length in your penis. Most guys here are abstaining in some way for 90 days and going back to normal, depending on their individual circumstances.

I would suspect that you need to go a significant amount of time before your penis atrophies, not a few short days, weeks, or months.

Porn Addiction / Re: Waking Up With a Boner
« on: September 19, 2016, 01:30:59 PM »
I can pretty confidently say that avoiding the relapse is going to go a long way to helping in this situation.

Morning wood is normal. However, you need to learn to ignore it and avoid giving in to the relapse. Relapsing after 3-4 days is not a successful reboot.

You will need to get through the first few weeks and enter your flatline to start getting things back to normal.

I would get really strong MW about a week into my reboot, and that may be caused by what is called the chaser effect. Which basically is a strong desire to PMO that can last a few days after the last time you PMO'd. You can get it after sex too.

The point of the reboot is to learn to power through those cravings and get back to normal.

I would recommend trying for much longer streaks. I'm at 33 days or so, and my morning wood seems normal to me. I wake up with an erection, but far fewer fantasies. As I go through my routine, it goes away on its own and I'm fine.

You can get there too.

@ laalee - you are likely in your flatline. The length of which is different for every person. It's not likely ED, but your flatline. You'll probably just have to fight through it.

Porn Addiction / Re: Waking Up With a Boner
« on: September 16, 2016, 12:46:53 PM »
I get this a lot, and the only thing that helps me in the morning is to get up and take a shower. Morning wood is completely normal and is a sign that you are starting to heal. I recommend getting up if you have it, using the bathroom and hopping in the shower. Basically ignore it and go about your day.

That's the only thing that works for me. If I don't do that, I can easily spend 30 mins to an hour edging. When I was really into PMO, this is when I would do the deed. First thing in the morning, and right before bed. I needed to reboot my mind into realizing that my bed is not a place for PMO.

Hope that helps.

Ages 30-39 / Re: How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb
« on: September 16, 2016, 09:15:14 AM »
So my first morning of no M almost didn't work out. I felt the same desires that I normally do. Even more so because my gf is coming to town today. I was really turned on and I was about to play with myself when I remembered the counter. Whew! So that was day one (because this really only happens in the mornings) and I was able to get up and start my day.  The urge is gone now and I'm about to get to my meditation and then on with my day. I'm feeling great about my new goals!

Porn Addiction / This made me laugh
« on: September 16, 2016, 02:05:41 AM »
I try not to make a habit of poking fun at religion but this couldn't have been worded any funnier...  And with that... good night folks!

Ages 30-39 / Re: How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb
« on: September 15, 2016, 07:42:04 PM »
Actually, I want to make myself a trophy wall, so here it is.

Ages 30-39 / Re: How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb
« on: September 15, 2016, 07:40:56 PM »
I remember when 30 days was a daunting number, but here I am.  About to set my goal for 45 days. Fuck. Yes.

Success Stories / Today is day 30!
« on: September 15, 2016, 11:22:02 AM »
In a few hours, I will hit day 30 of no PMO! In the last two years, my longest streak was 21 days, so I am extremely proud of myself. It hasn't been easy and I've found myself edging a lot in the last week (to feeling, fantasy and a once to a twitter account). I was able to stop myself every single time without O. Special thanks go out to my accountability partner, Dontgiveup7, for walking me away from the edge of the cliff after that Twitter episode.

So in honor of my 30th day, I'm kicking it up a notch and adding a new counter - no M or edging for the next 7 days. Wish me luck and good luck to you all in your journey. It's been completely worth it to me, and I look forward to continued progress.

Ages 30-39 / Re: How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb
« on: September 15, 2016, 11:15:26 AM »
In honor of the 30th day of my reboot, I am taking this a step further to see if I can stop edging. My first goal will be 7 days. This one is going to be tough, so wish me luck!

Ages 30-39 / Re: How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb
« on: September 15, 2016, 10:58:29 AM »
Well, the move out of my Dad's is done for me. My brother and sister still have a few things to wrap up, but other than that, we are all good. I feel relieved and a little lost - what do I do now?

Anyway, my reboot has been going really well. However, the last week or so, I really haven't kicked my edging. I'm hoping that being with my gf will give me some relief in that area. Worse is that I've fallen into fantasizing and even sneaked a peek at my favorite porn star's Twitter account. I didn't know that stuff really existed on Twitter and I was curious/ gave into the situation because my brain told me it was okay.

I was able to stop edging fairly quickly - much more quickly than in my past - but I feel a bit disappointed in myself for starting. I did feel a renewed strength when I stopped, so that is good, and my ability to be lucid in these situations has been great. I've stopped every time and didn't O. My accountability partner has been great too and he gave me a breathing exercise to get through the tough spot. He really saved my streak.

This morning however, while I was edging in the shower, a little white stream appeared, no O, but I dripped a little, which is what I have been really trying to avoid doing. I stopped and got out of there, relatively unscathed. So, I'm pushing the boundaries and I recognize that. I can make it through the next day and a half, no problem, so I am going to have to just go for it.

What is great is that the streak doesn't have the same daunting weight that it used to. I don't feel the need to watch P anymore. I really only crave a release, which is coming and for which I can be patient. I take this as a sign that I am healing.

It's funny because I am reading more and more lately and it's really because my computer was only really a porn machine. Now that I don't do that, it's really just sitting here doing nothing. I think that's pretty cool. I can start to see my computer as a place where I do my work, rather than the place where I get off.

So overall, I feel really good. I am not going to reset my counter for what happened this morning. I know my reboot is going great. I really look forward to spending time with my gf and being intimate. I think we are going to try something like carezza this weekend to help us bond. I think it will be beautiful.

Ages 30-39 / Re: How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb
« on: September 12, 2016, 02:47:02 PM »
I had a good talk with my gf yesterday and today about some things that have been bothering her and me. She really laid into me last night about being a man and being her super hero. She doesn't want a kid, but a grown man to be there for her and make her feel like a grown woman. I know where she is coming from, but I felt a little attacked, so I told her so today.

I told her that I don't like how she automatically questions anything I say as if I haven't thought about the situation or considered different options. Sometimes there is a lot of back story that I don't explain to her, but it all helped me get to my decision. She agreed that she is too controlling and that she needs to let people do things their own way. I told her that it was very emasculating to be told that I'm wrong or questioned over and over on a regular basis. I told her that I feel like she doesn't believe me, or trust me and that it really upsets me. It makes me feel like she thinks I'm dumb and it makes me feel like she is treating me like a kid.

So, when she does that, how am I supposed to feel like a man, when I have someone treating me like my mom? She heard me out and agreed that she will be working on it, with my help. That's great, because I needed a way to tell her without attacking her every time she did it. Now we have a plan.

Next up, I'm on 27 days today. Man it feels great to have come this far. I don't have many urges for P, but I really want sex. My gf does too, so we should have a great time when I am home, granted I can figure out how to turn her on like a man. Pshh... it will be fine. I think she'll be impressed with my super powers.

Porn Addiction / Re: Need for porn blocker in android phone version 4.1
« on: September 11, 2016, 12:42:47 PM »
I use the app by Trend Micro. There is a yearly subscription but it's worth it.

Ages 30-39 / Re: How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb
« on: September 11, 2016, 09:24:30 AM »
Things in general have been going well at Dad's house. We're almost done!

I've been very good about not fully acting on any urges this whole time, except that when I wake up, I am really horny. I still seem to have urges first thing.

Today I edged a lot in the shower, pretty close to finishing, but I stopped myself, switched to cold water and rode it out. I feel better now and I'm going to have a great day.

The problem is that I'm now getting to a point when I get the urge, I will get superpowers and it feels so good to touch myself. I've been fighting the urge now for a week, but every time I shower, I stop and edge for a little while. I'd like to stop doing that, because while I'm edging, I start thinking of porn stars or fantasize about being with my gf.

I want to stop having those thoughts, because I know it's the same as using porn.

I also realized that I haven't been paying attention to my triggers. I've been exhausted and I'm not doing my meditation. It hasn't been bad though, and I feel oddly more like myself than I have in a while. It's just that lack of mindfulness isn't helping.

I guess it's all the ups and downs of a reboot cycling through on an hourly basis.

I presume the trigger is exhaustion mixed with actual horniness. The inability to stop myself from edging in the morning.

I should also mention that my gf has hurt me on two occasions this week. The first was when I asked if she is disgusted by me, like that one woman on the forum who seems to completely hate her husband. My gf said no, absolutely not, although she doesn't like the way I "giggle" when I have an orgasm and that it was childish. I wasn't quite expecting that response, so I was upset. What does she mean she doesn't like how I orgasm?  Well she said I always giggle and it reminds her of a little boy who just got away with something. To be honest, I know I do that - I've always felt like it's more like a smile and an exhalation, with maybe a giggle or chuckle thrown in there. But it's because sex feels good and I just had an orgasm. I'm giddy! So anyway, I don't even know what to do with this information and it's making me constantly think about what is going to happen next time. Great, I've never had PA, but I guess it's time to add that to the list for good measure, right?

The other thing was last night - She was saying good night and I said some cutesy stuff the way we always do and she says "you make it sound cutesy" and I said, oh, you don't like cutesy (this is news to me) and she says, not when we are talking about sex. I want to feel like a grown woman. So I said that I just don't want to be crass and that I'm not sure what she wants me to say. After a pregnant pause she just said it was late and that she was going to bed. I didn't even respond to that.

Why is all this stuff coming up now? It just makes me feel like she was hiding the resentment for me and that now it's coming out. I guess we'll talk about it, and it will just end up being some other fucking thing I need to add to my list of things about me that she wants me to change. That's how I feel about this shit right now.

Don't be concerned, I'm doing the reboot for me, but pretty much all of the other changes in my life I am doing for her and she just keeps on piling them on. I'm starting to think she doesn't really like me for who I am.

Porn Addiction / Re: does this count
« on: September 08, 2016, 05:59:14 PM »
I think you need to ask yourself that question. Does it affect you if a random girl posts a bikini pic on facebook?  The answer is different for everyone, so you need to be honest with how it makes you feel. If you feel that it's a trigger, then avoid seeing it.

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