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Messages - RecoveryJunkie

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51
Hey bro, not sure how old you are but reboot can take longer for younger guys. If I can give you some advice from personal experiance here it is but first, if this is me I would not M after 90 days. What I would do is ask a girl out or try having sex with your partner (I don't know your situation) but PIED is serious shit. I know because I've had it for a very long time and just last night I had sex without V or C and with a beautiful woman who I shared my struggles with. Yesterday was day 62 of my Hardmode. I Oed with her a few times but no erection(BJ). So my story is like this.

I meet this girl and we start talking on the phone so I ask her if she is dating or seeing anyone and her response is no not at the moment. So I say to her would you consider dating me? And to my surprise she says yes. So now I'm really stressed because my history is PIED and embarrassment. Almost every time for the last 10 years or so. So we start dating and I really like her but I say to her that I sometimes have ED and I'm just telling her in case we have sex and it doesn't work I did not want her to think something is wrong with her. Kind of a half truth because I blamed being diabetic and over 40. Then after a week and things are getting hot, she gives me a BJ and I come home only to watch P and M. I was so disgusted with myself. The next time I saw her I vowed to let her know the whole truth and I proceeded to do just that. Obviously she was shocked at first but after sleeping on it she said she was happy I was honest with her and decided she wanted to support me in the recovery. She also said she would not tolerate relapse. That was the best thing that could happen to me her saying that because I finally took it seriously. I have been PMO and M free for 63 days today and have been rebooting my intimacy level with her for two months. I please her to O often and enjoy doing so. We share deep conversations and are falling in love. I had been in flatline for most of the initial reboot but was able to have sex last night for the first time. I stopped in at her house tonight and got an erection while kissing her though I did not stay.

My point is this. You will not get rebooted by M. Find yourself a girl that you like and get close to her, kiss her often. Show her your heart. This is what needs rebooting, not M.

This is my take, whatever you decide I wish you well. Feel free to PM me anytime or visit my journal on the 40+ forum.

Cheers,

52
Ages 40 and up / Re: Malando - getting started.
« on: June 07, 2016, 10:42:55 PM »
Hang in there brother. Let it be a lesson. It's easy to not look at P when your not looking at P. Stay strong and let it be a lesson that the addiction lurks always looking for a week moment to swallow us up again. I' been sober from alcohol for many years and on two separate occasions I've mistakenly taken a drink one of spiked coffee(my brothers) and one was a Coors light which I took out of a fridge thinking it was a diet Pepsi (same colour cans). Both occasions really rattled me although I did not get drunk or continue to drink. Scary shit though, in my own experience I kind of know how troubling this is, especially being new to recovery from P. I was sober over 15 years on both occasions and I obsessed about it for days. Do t be shy to reach out of talk to someone if you can. It does help to settle things.

Head up shoulders back and carry on, there is nothing real or good waiting for you on the other side of that screen. Rebember that we all need you hear, thanks for sharing that experiance brother.

53
Thanks Fyg,

Really appreciate it. I was on such a high all day and now I feel like I've crashed.... so my emotional state is a bit off. Ill be ok, I'm going to go out and visit some people don't want to sit in this shit too long. Probably just tired but I had about two hours of unmotivated time wasting, not good but could be much worse. It's like a fucking roller coaster some days Ehh? Damn!

54
Ages 40 and up / Re: Boo's Journal
« on: June 07, 2016, 12:25:27 PM »
Congratulations on the milestone Boo. I appreciate your posts on RNand hope you don't forget about RN. I feel like you do in many respects. Self esteem is up, resolve to be P free forever never stronger. But, we are apt to congratulate ourselves to quickly sometimes and that can a eek up on us. I hope to continue reading your posts as we continue to fight this addiction and continue to grow from our recovery.

Once again... Woohoo! 60 DAYS !!!

55
Oh man! That is such an understatement. I was thinking yesterday about my childhood and I have lived in a fantacy world all my life. It's so awesome to finally break free and live in the here and now, no matter what the situation is.

Earlier on yesterday I read some stuff on partners forums and it affected me bad. I recognized just how I broke my ex's hart by my behaviour. I resolved to not over lament  over it and when the time comes maybe write a letter as a sort of amends but after talking to my AA sponcor he thought I should just enjoy the moment and revisit this when I am a bit stronger in my recovery. I can see how wise those words were. Anyways, just thought I'd share that.

56
Ages 40 and up / Re: Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without.
« on: June 07, 2016, 09:22:08 AM »
I'm not sure why the second part of my message didn't print but I will include it here as it is more important than my last reply:

It's been my experience that after a while PMO free and M free that my discussions about hot women with my buddies is different. I find myself not wanting to engage in that talk and not wanting to look at pics or vids of hot women or fucked up shit. Even if it's justs for a laugh. I don't find it funny anymore.

There are also days where for whatever reason, I am the instigator of the hot women conversation. The good thing is that I have an awareness and strive to do better next time. You are doing awesome, keep educating yourself on how the P affects you mentally, physically and psycologically.

Knowledge is key and if you have a faith in a HP this can also do wonders for you when you are week.

All the best to you my friend.

57
Ages 40 and up / Re: Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without.
« on: June 07, 2016, 09:12:22 AM »
It's been just over 2 months for me no PMO no M, I had PIED and was able to finally have sex successfully last night WOOOHOOO!!!

58
Good job bro. I noticed that in myself that the conversations with people started to flow with ease after about a month. You got this! Stay on the path, we got your back!

59
Just another thing worth mentioning which I believed helped me successfully achieve this is when I started out on this journey, much like Gabe, I put away the video games. I know it isn't sex related but after viewing YBOP and Gabe's videos I felt it was the right thing to do. There is no doubt in my mind the P and the video games were a huge source of dopamine release in my brain.

I still have a long way to go but I sure am on my way!

60
Day 61 of reboot, no porn and no masterbation for over 2 months. We have lift off!! Successful intercourse with my beautiful partner! What a feeling... It didn't last supper long either maybe 5-10 minutes and I came right after she did. I'm so excited about this. I slept like a baby too!

I still have zero desire to PMO or M and will continue with the recovery process. I know there will be ups and downs but for anyone who isn't sure this rebooting will work, trust the process. No P no M and work towards true intimacy with your partner! I am now living proof this actually works.

I wasn't sure it would work as when I watched P, I wasn't able to get full erections. (Probably due to the more or less conventional porn I watched) I must say it feels so good to know not all is lost from my addiction to this dismal existance we call Porn.

Interesting fact, I knew I had an old P mag stashed away somewhere. Before going to my girlfriends last night I searched my room until I found it and threw it out in the trash. I wonder if that was somehow blocking me. Regardless, I feel like a million bucks. No desire for watching P and I know abstaining from M is not going to kill me.

Peace! Wow!!  ;D

61
Ages 40 and up / Re: Trashing a Life Without Knowing It
« on: June 06, 2016, 01:26:01 PM »
I've been rebooting for 2 months today. When my ex fiancée left me a year ago April, I started to acknowledge my problem but I was a day late a a buck short to save the relationship. I believe she loved me but couldn't live like that any longer. The intimacy was completely gone and she was so filled with pain that she decided to be with someone who told her and showed her how great she was.
I finally told her about my addiction but she said she did not want to come back. Even then, longest I went without PMO was 2-3 days. Might have gone a week at the most. I continued isolating and PMOing until I met another beautiful woman just over two months ago. I told her about my addiction within two weeks of dating her and she decided to stay with me. She is truly an angel sent from heaven. I only pray that I don't hurt her as I did my ex.
She told me she appreciated my honesty and said she would not tolerate a relapse. As a result, today I am 61 days PMO free having only had a handful of Os with her due to PIED.
In the last day or two, I've really been feeling the affects of my addiction on my ex partners and it really makes me sick what an ass I was.
Nevertheless, all I can do is move forward. I feel stronger and more self confident since starting on this journey about 9 weeks ago.

Good luck with the reboot and especially good luck with the relationship rebuild. One thing I know for sure is she is worth it!

62
Ages 40 and up / Re: Making Recovery my #1 Priority
« on: June 05, 2016, 07:43:43 PM »
Thanks for all this awesome stuff in your journals PF56. I'm 60 days free from PMO and M today and I may look into the fortify site after I'm done the sex addiction workbook. I love the goal setting. I'm having trouble with my discipline for my goals. I'd appreciate any feedback...

63
So today is 2 months without PMO or even M alone. I feel amayzing, I'm falling in love with this awesome woman who I've been honest with about everything. I am still in a sort of deep flatline and sometimes feel jealous that some of you guys are beginning to function much quicker than myself. I was really hoping it wouldn't take this long.

I am trusting in the process and am really trying to not get down on the inability to have intercourse. I may try some V or C after 90 days to see if this helps get away from flatline but for now I'm staying the course and I really do feel great. Thanks to RN and great bunch of guys who without your support would not have made this milestone! I have never in my life not JO for 2 months straight.

Much love and respect!

64
Ages 40 and up / Re: Malando - getting started.
« on: June 05, 2016, 10:45:15 AM »
M, I just read the last couple of replies on your journal. I want to say that I honestly don't see myself as religious although I happen to have been brought up catholic and I do believe in God but that's about as far as it goes for me. I really don't attend any church unless it's a wedding or funeral or something of the sort. I do attend church regularly but mostly it's in a grungy basement for an AA meeting.

I honestly didn't know your views on faith matters and quite frankly, as a friend, the only thing that's important to me is that you are doing well. Your posts and comments have kept me on the path many times in the last while and I find them so helpful. Admittedly, I don't read everything posted because my time on this site is limited to my I phone and many times I have started writing back to thank you for a message or to comment on a post and as I have a tendency to ramble on, my phone battery dies. It's a bit inconvenient and frustrating but I don't want to fix my laptop at this point.

I just wanted to let you know that you most certainly belong here, your posts are honest and helpful to many. When I say thank God, it's not meant as a slight on someone who may not believe but as a simple expression of gratitude for a feeling of freedom and confidence I have been given through the help of men such as yourself and many others, wether believer or non believer.

Friend, I need you to continue posting your recovery because without it,  I would feel so alone.

65
I hear you bro! Porn fucking sucks. The great destroyer of real men. Still suffer from ED after almost two months but I try not to harp on it because so many other good things are happening I don't want to loose faith so I'm trying to focus on the good!

66
Thanks so much guys. I've just had one of the best days of my life. I drove three hours to spend a bit of time with my 16 yr old daughter. This afternoon she introduced me o her bf who is a very smart guy who likes the same music as I do. I witnessed him kiss my daughter on the cheek in the most loving way and I almost cry when I think how lucky I am to have such a great kids with a great head on her shoulders. After the play such was really awesome we got some cards and played Eucre with my parents. I haven't laughed so much in a very very long time. My gf and I made out and cuddled to an hour and things are going very well with the both of us and we both feel so blessed to have each other. I can't believe how much my life has changed for the better in the last 2 months since quitting PMO and opening up ta beautiful woman. Life is damn good and God loves me. What else is there?!

67
Today was a good day, first part of my day was very busy with work then met with my therapist this afternoon. I met with a buddy who has also sworn off porn and is 8 days free. I am very happy for him and feel blessed to have a buddy to walk this strange road with. I convinced him to open up to his wife about the secrets as I have with my partner and I have a feeling they will be able o work things out. I find it really amayzing that when you start to do the right thing God puts the right people in your path.

I'm really excited to the road trip tomorrow and for seeing my daughter perform in her first lead role in a theatrical play. I'm so proud of her and greatful to have the clarity of mind to be present for her in this important time in her life. I'll be also meeting he first boyfriend for the first time. That makes me feel a bit old and that's ok. I will also be travelling with some of my my favourite and most important people in my life, my parents and my partner! Life is good!

68
Thank you so much for sharing your success story. I have recently started a new relationship after my fiancĂ© left me for another man due o lousy sex because of my PMO addiction. When she left I told ur about my porn addiction but I didn link the ED with porn us as I was not yet educated enough. I just thought perhaps I wasn't attracted to her even though she was gorgeous. This was all very confusing. She left me f another man and the PMO had robbed me of the fight so I simply let her go and continued to PMO daily. Since meeting this beautiful woman who I am very attracted to. I was honest with her from the beginning. I thought much like you did that if this reboot was going to work I had to be open and honest with my partner. It's been two months and I ba yet to have an erection. Like you described but out intimacy and sex life is very passionate and after being initially shocked by my revelation of PMO she has given me so much support and understanding and I think I am truest fallng in love with her. I'm almost 2 months free  from Porn and masterbation but I have had a few Os with her while she has had many. I a. Trusting in God and in the process and am learning Fr the first time in my life that it is possible to go without masterbation to extended periods. I no longer struggle with porn but sometimes catch myself ou hing my penis. It's kind of a subconscious ' let's see if he's awake yet' I have never fully engaged in M or MO since starting the reboot and although I cannot retain an erection for intercourse yet, my confidence is up and I no longer fear social situations. I have become very open emotionally with my partner but not to the point of overdoing it either if you know what I mean. I am very hopeful when reading your story that things will work out for me also if I am patient and continue with the reboot process.

Good luck to you BBR. Fell free to PM me anytime.

69
Ages 40 and up / Re: Trashing a Life Without Knowing It
« on: June 02, 2016, 01:00:16 PM »
Hey carlson,

What you ar doing now is what real men do every day. Keep up the good job, easy does it. What we did was horrible but to spend too much time thinking about it and not changing the behaviour is dangerous. You have started taking action, more of this is required, more courage is needed. The nice thing about R overt from this is afte some time out motivation returns and you can use that to fuel your recovery. You are not alone brother!

70
Ages 40 and up / Re: Changing Habitual Behavior with The 3 Circles
« on: June 02, 2016, 04:53:40 AM »
Thanks for this bro!

71
I know bro. I did that for over 20 years. If you find someone you do like don't let that reworded brain screw it up. For me I think it was embarrassment or like I'm outta here before you are... Subconsciously Id bail before they did. Maybe just keep rebooting for awhile and see what happens. Hopefully, that mindset will change as your brain does too. I just finding it helpful to rewrite to real.

72
Hey guys, I'm 43 and have had some form of PIED or performance anxiety since I can remember. I have had a few relationships here the sex was pretty good and erections were hard and lasting but seriously there were not that many, maybe two. About three years ago I had come to think that my porn use was a problem although I did not know about PIED. I had googled impotence causes but never made the link. Around that time I met a wonderful woman and when I talked about not watching porn anymore after we started dating she said why not.... I took this as a free pass and continued watching and PMOing in secret with de stating affects. Sex wasn't great but we got along pretty good and had lots of fun together. We were engaged for a year but my porn use and PIeD got worse to a point where sex was very difficult even with Viagra. Eventually she left me for another guy. In retrospect, I only fooled myself and when she left took a real good look at my porn use. Mostly because I never had to deal with pons hurt feelings.

Today I have a understanding therapist and a new gf who I have been 100% honest with. She is very supportive even though we have only had successfull intercourse once in just over 2 months. I do feel mor confident and less socially anxious. Our intimacy is out of this world and I really enjoy pleasing her in other ways. 8 radishes I recome d dating and just getting honest. The fear of being found out will only make the ED worse.

I experiNce very similar issues like when we make out and kiss I'm hard as a rock but the mom's t my pants come down so does my dick. I trust the process. I think there are so many factors that can affect ED that we just have to be open and honest and most of all... Patient!

Here's hoping you guys recover 10 years sooner than I did! Had I known being honest with the right woman would turn her on so much I would have done so a loooong time ago. Fuck that fear. It's bullshit. Be aware of it and look it straight in the eye. Tell the fear to fuck right off and get honest. Don't avoid dating any longer. You need to experiNce partnership at its best!

Cheers

73
Hi folks,

I've been doing ok on my first ever reboot. I'm nearing 2 months without M or P and although this feels great I have to say it hasn't been easy. The yourbrainonporn.com website has been an integral part of my recovery. I can't really explain why but after getting educated to the nature of this disease and how it affects the brain, I have had very little desire to watch porn.

Resisting M has been a challenge as lust is triggered almost every time I see a sexy woman. My brain doesn't seem to be able to see the issue with lusting after women. I'm coming to a point where I want to be free of lusting as much as I want to be free from porn. I know this is possible though it won't be easy.

I have noticed a significant improvement in my mental clarity and self confidence, not to mention the social anxiety I was feeling is leaving me. Another thing I've noticed is that things that were once important to me that were neglected are becoming important toe again. These are the first real benefits to quoting PMO.

I need to go to bed right now but with continue on this topic at a later date

74
Ages 40 and up / Re: Dropped back
« on: May 31, 2016, 05:04:27 PM »
Hey Coisbo,

I think you are bang on. I've done the same as you in my reboot from time to time but havnt masterbated. I've come close a few times in trigger situations but I try to avoid those as best I can. When I find myself looking at a girl with sexual intent. I try to remember thT my brain is warped from porn and I think about how I wouldn't want an old guy like me looking at my own daughter like this. That usually squashes the fantasy dead pretty quick. It still happens though and sometimes I'm not able to let go of the fantasy right away. The main thing I'm trying to focus on right now is no Masterbating and no porn. Limit my time on FB and journal or talk to someone who understands. My confidence is increasing everyday and it has nothing to do with ego. I'm talking about feeling good about being in my own skin. You can't fake that or buy that. That only comes by doing the right thing and being true to myself. Good luck bro....

75
Ages 40 and up / Re: yet another journal
« on: May 30, 2016, 12:23:05 AM »
Good luck with your reboot hansgl2. I've been PMO free since about a week before I created a profile on this site a couple months ago. I find it incredibly helpful to journal on here and learn as much as I can on the subject of PIED by going to  yourbrainonporn.com. I too shared your thoughts of being the only one with this affliction. I have not watched P or M with or without P for almost two months and it's been difficult at times but I can tell you, although I have yet to regain a rock hard erection, my self confidence, focus and motivation are increasing everyday. Keep with the recommended program and you too will rep the benefits! Failure is not an option when it comes to recovery of my life.

Good luck!

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