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Messages - RecoveryJunkie

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101
Ages 40 and up / Re: my journal
« on: May 10, 2016, 05:50:36 AM »
Welcome back! hang in there, you have good self awareness. The key is to act on it. I also share your unwillingness to get to bed at a decent hour. I don't know what that is. Hope to follow up on your journals. It's a struggle no doubt to stay commited. I have a new gf who I opened up about my PMO and she told me she would not accept relapse. She has been so supportive and understanding. Telling her was the hardest thing for me I ever did but turns out I don't even think about watching P much anymore. I feel like the focus is all about retiring that sick brain of mine and that's a good thing cause If I'm honest about it. I had self awareness out the ying yang but never acted on it until recently. Also, all the best with reshaping your attitudes at work. I know how hard that can be.

102
Well I still haven't figured out the counter thing. My new date for Hard mode is May 7 2016. I think it's fair to say there have been some gains since letting go of P and M for over a month now. I've been able to open up to my new gf about my past use of PMO and have even watched some Rebootnation videos together. To my amazement, she is very supportive and Our relationship is based on openess and honesty from the beginning. Something I never had as I was unable to talk about my issues with PMO or PIED with a partner. Having done this has in many ways made her feel secure and valued. The result is a woman who is crazy about me. I guess it doesn't hurt that I know how to please a woman without my dick. I still feel frustrated when I start to get hard when we start making out but the minute my pants come off so does my boner. What a drag. I'm Trying to not make a big deal about it and it helps that I enjoy going down on her almost as much as she enjoys me doing it.
I have had a few Os this past weekend as we tried to have sex but I guess I'm not ready, or I'm in a flatline but it's very strange. I think since it gets hard initially maybe the issue I have is PA. I'm Going to try hard mode for another month. This will have its challenges as she is going to Europe for 17 days starting Thursday. I plan to be doing a lot of mountain biking and being around people. Isolation will not help things go smoothly.
I'm going to be 43 on Thursday and rather than being down about the fact this issue has been putting a wet blanket on my sex life and relationships for the last 10 years or more, I'm looking forward to enjoying an amayzing sex life for most of my 40s. I'm greatful my HP has removed the obsession for P away from me but the lure of M is difficult. Espessily O with my gf. I'm Not going to be too hard on myself for the latter because this whole HM thing is just to help me have a more fulfilling sex life with her. What a blessing it is for me to have finally have found Rebbot action and an beautiful and supportive partner. Thank you God and thank you Reboot Nation for making helping me in my journey. Today was a good day. While thinking about my gf today at work I touched myself and got about 50-60% hard. I did not masturbate but I see this as a positive and and resolute to persist with the HM for the next 30 days.


103
Merci dude! I'm French too. I'm About 2 times oped than you but my ED has been with me most of my life. I really thought something was seriously wrong with me. All my relationships were short lived affairs of no less than a year. I mean I just couldn't talk to girls about it and sometimes I'd blame them ( sad I know). I have just recently learned about PIED and I have a new gf who is sexy as hell and is 100% supportive. After going 30 days Hardmode I got her to give me a BJ and although I Oed it never even got hard. We make out it gets hard for about 10 seconds and as soon as my pants come off my bonner is dead. It's so humiliating as a man. So after roughly 30 days I popped a Cealis and tried to have sex but same result. I think your right about the Hardmode. I'm starting over with hard mode. Goal is 90 days. That means I will reach my goal on August 6 2016. That seems like an awfully long time. Good thing I love eating pussy!

104
Ages 40 and up / Re: **Accountability Partner Requests**
« on: May 08, 2016, 05:21:35 AM »
I'm looking for AP, been hardlining off PMO for just over a month. I'm over 40 and diabetic but have done vascular testing and the doc says circulation is good so here I find myself looking for answers. I'm Straight, have a new gf who I've talked to about PMO issues. She is supportive. I'm Not that experienced when it comes to forums but I've been journaling on here roughly every day or so. The struggle is real although I haven't and don't want to watch P anymore. Inbox me if you think we could help each other.

105
I had a bit of a set back last night. I've gone a bit over 30 days without MO or P. I've been with my girlfriend for almost 2 months but sex has been nearly impossible due to PIED. Last night, I used Cealis in hopes of having sex but although an erection was possible it didn't last very long. Sex was not possible and she was upset I didn't discuss using Cealis before hand. She keeps saying it doesn't bother her that I can't get it up because I always take care of her but I had to explain that it really bothers me that my manhood doesn't work and that I really want it to function. I think she gets it but in retrospect I kind of feel I have had a set back. She assures me she is into it for the long haul and that she understands that will take some time. This sucks so bad!

107
No man, I'm as serious about this as I can be. Thanks for the concern though. Much appreciated. I'd say more but just on break. Gotta head back to work.

108
Hey man I want the give a big thank you to you guys for sharing your experience and knowledge. I really appreciate it. I have known my PMO was a problem for about 4-5 years. I opened up to a therapist and a couple of close friends about my issue after my fiancé left a year ago. I tried going to SA meetings and although I could identify with some people on some levels. I felt it was t for me. I came clean with my ex about the PMO but it was too late. Then I was left alone in my house and pretty much just closed the curtains so to speak. I bought a few books on porn addiction but was never able to stop PMOing. I even tried installing K9 on my laptop porn machine even that didn't last very long.

I feel that come my clean with my new gf has been one of the best things I have ever done. I was prepared for the worst but nothing but the best has happened. I haven't PMOed or MOed since telling her over a month ago and I have had many urges.

I also removed all games from my FB account and have been taking more of a productive role in my life and my work. I tried finding a on line support group for this kind of thing for quite some time but hadn't had any luck until recently.... And until recently had no idea PIED was real. I was starting g to think maybe I was asexual but that didn't make sense since I love women so much. I'm so greatful to know I am not alone and I am filled with hope. I have every opportunity to beat this addiction because I got honest about my problem and found this support group.

The next three weeks will be a challenge but I plan to do a lot of mountain biking, yard work and journaling. Thanks again for the support guys. My life is looking up and I am so greatful to God for the opportunity to break through these chains of my addiction to porn.

Good night... RJ

I felt

109
Hey brother,

I started dating a new woman a little over a month ago. We are really attracted to each other. I knew I really liked her from the start. This what I did...
After about 2 weeks. Week one was getting to know each other, week two was lots of kissing and making out. At this point I told her I had some issues with ED. I am over 40 and a diabetic since age 12 but my family doc said there is no circulation issue with me after testing was performed. She was ok with this and said we could work around it. We had intercourse once, it was difficult to get hard enough but eventually we both Oed. Shortly after this maybe another week, I decided to tell her about my porn use and asked her if she wanted to watch a video on you tube explaining it. She is a nurse but knew nothing of this condition. We watched a video that explained PIED.

Her initial reaction was fear of relapse and explained that to her that would be a deal breaker. I haven't PMOed since the first time I told her, about 4 weeks now. I have no desire to watch porn as It feels like we are falling in love with each other. We have been spending time with each other almost every day and this is fun. Lots of making out, fondling and pleasing her. She loves it and so do I but although I am on hard mode (no P and no MO) I have been getting some mini erections that don't last long enough to penetrate.
The other night I shared with her how frustrated I felt since she is so sexy and I can't do what I want with her. She was really happy I shared that with her. I'm Pretty new at this but I want to be free to make love and fuck like a real man to a real woman. This is my motivation and ultimately my goal.

I must admit I am a bit shocked that she still wants to be with me however it really makes me feel good to see how much more she likes me for being honest. I really believe this will work if I just stay away from P and continue to be honest about everything.

Good luck my friend, whatever you decide. My life is not great but it's a hundred times better than continue being in denial about PIED and it origin.

RJ

110
Thanks Robert, what is YMMV? I've been reading a lot of journals and posts and there is a lot of abbreviations I don't get...

Had a nice night with the gf. I was really down yesterday because the night before we went dancing and she was the sexiest woman on the floor. I mean she was so hot! I couldn't wait to get home with her but when we did get he we just layed in bed and shred some difficult stuff we went through from our past. She seemed to really like that I opened up to her. I know it's important to do that but to be honest all I wanted to do was fuck her but I knew it wasn't going to happen. We spent the day together and went hiking. I was still feeling down on myself so I called her and told her how sexy she looked Friday night and how all I wanted to do was fuck her and that I was really feeling frustrated. Again she seemed to really like that. I'm shocked that she is still around but I feel like she is really falling in love with me. I feel the same way about her but it so frustrating. She is leaving for Germany for almost 3 weeks in about a week. This will be a real challenge for me. I am on reboot for about 20-25 days now. I never wrote down the date. I do not want to masturbate or watch porn at all. I'm Going to have to find a project or something to keep busy while she is away. This is in part why I need a AP soon. I'm 43 years old next Thursday and I've never felt this connect d to a woman. It's wild the kissing and cuddling is great. I never used to like cuddling much. Not so with her. I really don't want to mess up theis hard line or whatever you call it. I believe in the process and I want a better life than masturbating to girls only a few years older than my daughter. I'm A good man, people tell me this and I know I am. This porn use has been eating away my self worth and sense of reality, not to mention my social life. I will overcome this thing, I know I will but I will need help. I know I can't do it alone. I tried that for years and I think I PMO'd just about every night. Any enlightenment on some of the lingo you guys use would be a great help. Sorry for the ramble but it kinda feels good to lay it out there...

111
Ages 40 and up / Failure is not an option
« on: May 01, 2016, 07:37:41 PM »
I'm new here,

I'm 42 year old, I've been clean and sober from booze and drugs for 17 years. I am a straight male who has been struggling with PIED for most of my adult life. Started masturbating to magazines as a 12 year old kid. Always solo, I've had a number of failed relationships due to my ignorance of this problem. A few years ago I fell in live with a beautiful woman but I did not share with her my struggle with porn for fear of not being accepted. Instead, I blamed my ED issues on being diabetic and or being 40, not proud to say but at one point I even blamed her for not getting dolled up often enough. We lived together for a couple of years even got engaged but in the end her resentment grew and grew due to my inability and unwillingness to have sex with her. She finally left me after 3 years and I even felt relieved.

I continued to watch porn regularly and tried to seek professional help with no more success than about a week without it. I decided to joining this community since recently becoming aware of its existence. I have recently started dating a beautiful loving woman and decided to share my struggles with her. She has been very supportive and I have been free from internet porn and masturbation since (about 3 weeks now but I don't recall an exact date). I don't feel a big pull to watch it but my PIED is still painfully an issue.

I'm loving this honeymoon phase in our relationship which is mainly talking, making out, heavy petting and focusing on her needs being met. Today I'm feeling really down and useless for my continued inability to perform with a sustained erection. Does anyone have some words of hope from being there and having come through the other side of this hell?

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