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Messages - gummianka

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1
Thanks js2004!

Good work at fighting off that urge!

this might seem counter intuative, but when I started shaking off those urges like nothing was when I realized that a sexual urge was the complete opposite of a urge to watch porn. When I feel horny now, I feel good, I feel powerful, I feel healthy and happy. The very opposite of what spanking the monkey in front of a screen does. And I never try to stop feeling horny, I enjoy it and stay in that moment for as long as I can. Walking over to a screen while feeling like that is now very alien to me. I want to go out, or put on some music and feel good, or have a shower and fix myself up!

2
Hi all

I have been working on this for some time and I have been doing some experimenting that might be of use to some of you. My experience with all of this (PIED and Porn Addiction) was never that severe, and as a man of 40+ I have had many years of a healthy sex life before this. However, I am sure that some of the stuff below might also be of service to younger guys and people with more acute problems.

1. Meditation
I know this had been said before, but I want to stress this. Meditation is a key in changing your life, and should be used consistently and often. I have set a routine where I meditate once in the morning and once in the evening. The morning session is a quite quick and general meditation with focus on simply being mindful, while the session at night is more of a "treat" where i will find some special meditation to solve an issue, resolve some problem or simply to enjoy it.
Key here is to keep at it, meditation is crap until you actually start getting good at it. So keep it up, and never skip a day without meditation.

2. Boosting testosterone
Boosting T is another great key in my life. With higher T levels you get more assertive, calm, happy and simply a better man. Think about it, who is most likely to beat it in front of a screen, the neck beard beta hipster or the proud Spartan warrior? Be the Spartan.
Boosting T is not complicated but will take some work. Train hard and heavy, check your diet and start looking into what supplements to take. I recommend checking out the website anabolicmen.com. I have tried all of it there, and it works. The supplements they are pushing are quite amazing as well.

3. Start dating!
Don't wait until you are "fixed" until you start interacting with women. Just go out there and meet women. Have fun with them! Flirt with the waitress, ask the woman you meet on the street for a date. Be happy, carefree and kind. All of the issues I suffered were not because of sex, it was because the lack of sexuality in my life. This leads me to the next step...

4. Intimacy
This is hard to get if you are single and not able to perform, but holding a woman has a great healing power. I solved this by starting to dance. Pick a dance where you actually embrace your partner (I chose to tango) and start dancing. It is fun, you will meet new friends, you will learn a new and useful skill and you can heal up while getting good at dancing.

5. Analyzing porn
this might seem strange, but I really dived into this. I researched the porn industry, I started looking up the people behind it and I contacted people working in the porn industry to get some inside information. This has remade porn completely for me. It is no longer sex on a screen, it is a product, and has lost pretty much all of its appeal. Some highlights I have found.
a - The people in the business are mostly scum. This goes for the people behind the camera and the actors on the screen. I don't want to give them any more of my time.
b - It is all fake. I spoke to a guy that was making fake dicks for black male actors (no, most of those guys are not equipped as you think). I talked to male actors describing how they were kept hard during shoots, how a single scene could be recorded over days, how trick cameras and damn special effects were used. Comparing yourself to porn is like trying to compete with Superman in a movie. It is completely useless as Superman is made up.
c - Most women do not like porn-style sex. I read a lot of manuals etc with men and women teaching sex. The classic positions and scenes in porn movies are probably the last stuff you should be doing. As I said, I am not a virgin, and my best sexual encounters had little to no similarity to the stuff seen in modern porn. Also, I did not get triggered by actually reading about sex, even looking at graphic images. It was funny how I managed to detach porn from sex once I started to really understand porn.

6. Read books
Reading is almost like meditation and it expands your mind in a beautiful way. It took some time to get into the habit (I forced myself to do a minimum of 20 pages per day) but after a while I was so into whatever stuff I was reading, that I simply did not have time with porn at all. Key here is to read something you really enjoy.

7. Relapse analysis
Every time I had a relapse, I wrote down what I had done before, and then eliminated that from my habits. It could be stuff like playing video games, or seemingly trivial things as "having a smoke in the morning and then listening to this or that music". Whatever happened right before I started relapsing, I purged from my life. Some stuff I might take up again later, but during the reboot, I think this hardline method is good.

8 Hypnosis
I took my problems to a hypnotist, explained it to him and had him hypnotize me to get over ED and to get over porn addiction. This was very powerful and I cannot recommend it enough.

9. Don't spend too much time at this place...
This might seem a strange advice, and I am not sure it is for all but after I had read everything here, and done a shitload of posting, I left the nofap community and did this trip on myself. I am sure that it can be good to have a support group, but there is also a danger in being to involved into this community. Visit it, use it, learn from it and help others, but do not make nofap into your life.

10. Take your time with sex
failing at sex is not the end of the world, and it is not only up to you. Take your time with a woman, and enjoy the moment when you try again. Remember, it is not a rigged porn scene, it is reality, and no matter what porn keeps telling us, real men are not machines that can perform on demand at any moment. Also is aware on her. Perhaps she simply doesn't turn you on? It takes two to tango. I failed with one woman, thinking I was completely broken, only to have great sex with another, who was much partner for me. We are not robots, neither we men nor them women.

These are the things that worked well for me. I will be around this forum for a couple of days if anyone wants to ask me something in this thread.

3
Ages 40 and up / Re: Realizing I'm in hell
« on: July 17, 2016, 05:15:28 AM »
I have to go off the grid for some time and have very little or no access to internet. Since I don't want my counters to keep ticking and possibly giving false information, I will remove them and replace them with a fixed line, so when7if I come back, I can start up again.

Best or wishes to you all and take care. :)

4
Agree.

I think most people understand that it is all fake, but seeing the same thing over and over again makes us start to beleive it anyway, or, rather , makes our brains beleive it. I never really reflected over this until recently, even though i have of course always known it.

5
This is a thought I have, that combines the Reboot theory with PA psychology. Thought I would post it here and see what you think and if you agree.

I have never thought a woman to be less of a woman if she had a headache, were on her period or simply did not feel like sex for any reason. I have been with women that stopped sex as she could not get into it that night, and sex turned to simply being close, and we were at it some other time instead when we both felt up for it.

I have, since I started watching porn more, thought that about myself. Of course I know that the studs in those movies are pumped full of drugs, are special  actors that do that for a living and have an army of people making sure they are hard and can perform at the set. Also, that "great sex" might very well be the 20th attempt and the video heavily edited. It simply is not real.

However, the idea that I should be able to perform as a machine any time, and under any circumstances, seem to have been locked into my brain. I actually only started understanding this a few days ago (that's how screwed up I am). Of the women I have been with (and I am now talking almost exclusively of my pre-porn days) I have always been able to perform when I have been seduced, but in the "just do me" scenarios I have always had a need to really know the woman first otherwise my performance was not that great. 

I've known guys that never had a problem with that, but I always had. And when I am comparing myself to Mr. Action in XXX movies, my PA goes through the roof.

Rebooting will of course slowly remove images, fantasies and memories of porn, but I think realizing this might speed things up. Since the images are so strong, it is easy to really emotionally believe in porn. Understanding that the scene you have burned into your brain is most likely performed after A LOT of (trigger-trigger-trigger) preparations helps me relax about this in a way I haven't done for months.

Wanted to get this off my chest, and perhaps any of you will benefit from this as well and have some more ideas about this.

6
I think avoiding P and M is a good thing to see what happens.


7
Ages 40 and up / Re: Realizing I'm in hell
« on: July 12, 2016, 03:31:51 PM »
Sorry, my answer probably came out rather short and not that polite.

Thanks for the concern. I think that something that increases your libido is a bad thing, while a remedy is a good thing. this is basically natural herbs that will be good for my training as well, but specially made for well, the regions down there. :)

Regarding my mission, for me it is all about exploring the PIED thing. I also enjoyed getting a bit of a distance to porn in general and realizing this effect of increasing the content of it. That awareness is a good lesson.

As for my ailments, as I have been devoting my time to look into this for the past three months or so, and there is a lot going on that is not within the scope of this forum, but that I think is the major reason why I failed that night that drove me here.

8
Ages 40 and up / Re: Realizing I'm in hell
« on: July 12, 2016, 03:24:09 PM »
This is a herbal remedy rather then some rocket fuel. However, I have not made a 90 day hardmode thing, I am on this for July out and then i will see what happens. My aim is to see if I have/had PIED and if so to fix it.

9
Ages 40 and up / Re: Realizing I'm in hell
« on: July 12, 2016, 10:57:41 AM »
Ordered some natural supplements today that is supposed to take care of ED, so will see what that is like in a couple of weeks. Also read a bit today about people going off sex and into celibacy for longer times and how that might lead to a sort of ED, where it might take a few times of real sex before you are good to go again. The testgroup mentioned a year or two as the most, and I had twice that time under my belt. Use it or loose it, I suppose.


10
Ages 40 and up / Re: Realizing I'm in hell
« on: July 11, 2016, 03:25:11 PM »
I really think there is more porn and nudity in the world today then fresh water. I cannot use too many filters as my job is pretty much only online and it does (believe it or not)require being able to hit sites where you might see some skin.

However, today I was reading some news on amessage board, completely unrelated to anything sexual, and boom, links to nudie girls. No hardcore porn, but still full monty.

I actually stared in disbelief for a while before I shut it down.

Reflections: Yeah, I would not mind surfing for some hotties again, but now is not the time. It was actually quite easy to just switch off. No second thoughts, no feeling of loss, and absolutely no physical reactions like a póunding heart or anything.

Somewhat related: Red on some site about ED that a therapist recommended using video with moderation, as she claimed to never have seen any probölems with men using images, but did admit that videos (and death grip) was the root to a few ED problems she had dealt with.

11
Ages 40 and up / Re: Realizing I'm in hell
« on: July 11, 2016, 05:26:06 AM »
yes, agree completely on your note about not using the stuff I think might work as a reason to relapse. Before I can tell what is up, I need some real time off P.

I can already say that there are stuff that I watched that I no longer think of. Almost as if my ideas of sex got hijacked by the sheer multitude of it (if xxx amount million people want this, clearly it must be what I want - kinda logic) that probably is not for me.

Also, in a way I suppose all kind of super stimuli have the same effect, but I also think that I need this reboot to get back a moral compass. Some shit out there is simply bad stuff and I should avoid it. And when sex triggers whatever horrid shit you used to watch, I think things get weird.

I think one thing for me was:

1. I really, really care for this girl.
2. The sex I expect (and actually, she as well) was rough shit that I don't want to do to someone I like
3. Limp dick as my real me does not want this.

Now a note about status. Seem to be in some on and off flatline. I have no woman in my life, I have no desire to go out dating and really no need for a hard-on, but MAN it is depressing not getting an erection. Actually funny how much that affects my mood and self esteem.


12
Porn Addiction / Re: Am resetting my counter Arrrggggghhhhhh!
« on: July 11, 2016, 04:55:50 AM »
No big deal unless you start binging now. Just get back on course again.

And document what happened, all the steps leading up to the lapse, so you can learn from it and take the necessary steps to stop it next time. The focus should be to find out how you can remove the possibility next time.

for instance, for me it was surfing on the phone late at night, so my solution was to never bring the phone into the bedroom :)

13
Progressive Muscle Relaxation (PMR)

This is a fav. video for me.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zqJ2OMwP2n4

14
Ages 40 and up / Re: Realizing I'm in hell
« on: July 10, 2016, 09:43:09 AM »
Yes, I agree with your post about this being (at least to some degree) a spiritual journey. In fact, that was actually the word I chose to use when i told a friend about what I am doing as I started this.  :)

I am going to focus on your point 1 first. I think that is the key, but the way you write it is a lazy way of looking at it. I don't mean that you are lazy, that is the correct way of saying it, but that in itself is lazy. is there a connection between those occasions? perhaps even there is a reason why a man cannot perform, since the girl is simply not the right girl? I am honestly more and more realizing that the woman this happened with for me probably was bad news, from a very basic level. Sex is ultimatly about making babies, and perhaps our instincts stop us from having sex with someone that would not be a good match? Perhaps out instincts stop us a few times so we can get to know our partner first? This is what you take up in point number two.

Glad you posted this, as it is questions I am starting to look into. And even if nofap is all wrong, without this I would not have started to look at these things, so I am quite happy I am on this path now.

Two things about porn.

1. Porn is a very large thing and the difference between one kind and the other is huge. I truly buy that a reboot is the best way to get down to the basic level, just as an elimination diet is to find out what causes your allergies, but I don't buy that "its all the same". Also, it probably affects different men differently, and in different times of their lives. The classic example is a child being exposed to internet porn compared to a grown up using porn.

2. I think it is an important part of our psychological make-up. It is most likely not the entire reason why I am this or that way, but it is certainly a part of everything I am. I hope I will find out more about this.

Finally, before I end this rambling post, I really think that we live in a strange society when it comes to sex and relations. I used to be a left leaning progressive and most of my sex life is from that time in my life. I seriously think that damaged me a lot more then porn ever did (not counting the dopamine effect for highspeed internet). As an atheist, I must say that the biblical Sodom is not that far off what is going on most nights in the world today.

15
Porn Addiction / Re: The horror of porn........
« on: July 10, 2016, 08:03:46 AM »
one day at the time, and be observant of yourself. Check and document both the positive and the negaive :)

16
I have on and off felt like that. I did a lot of meditation and PMR then and it helped.

17
Hi there!
You will get better advice then from me later, but here are my two cents.

1. Try a real reboot. read up on all of this, check the journals (mine is in the 40+ section) and get educated on this thing. Simple "de sexualize" yourself to get back to balance.

2. Start lifting. I would give this advice to anyone trying to do anything, it is that good! Fins a gym training routine and stick to that for a few months. Apart from getting more confident as you start getting a real body, there are heaps of chemicals and hormones that are released when doing weight training. Squats and deadlift are the best stuff for that!

3. meditation. I am bad at this myself as I forget about it and so on, but when I stick to it, I see the power of this.

4. Apart from this forum, I have started to read a lot about male sexuality, performence anxiety and so on. That has tought me a lot.

Good luck buddy!

18
Ages 40 and up / Re: Realizing I'm in hell
« on: July 09, 2016, 01:49:05 PM »
Thank you for a very heartwarming post!

You are completely correct about having a defined goal. I have had that from day one, and that is to not have PIED.

Now, as I have embarked on this journey I have noticed a few things.

1. I am not at all certain any more that I ever had PIED. perhaps the curse of porn was that I thought I could act like a pornstar and simply perform in all conditions. The instance where I failed was indeed far from perfect and now in hindsight, I see  A LOT of red flags with this woman and the situation we were in.

2. Porn addiction. I honestly see no real benefits of being off porn (yet) but I did notice that is was HARD (no pun intended) to stay off it. And since I don't want to be a slave to pixels, that bothers me.

Other then that, I have no other set goal. I will continue this reboot to see where it leads me, and learn as much as I can about myself in the meantime.

19
Ages 40 and up / Re: Realizing I'm in hell
« on: July 09, 2016, 12:00:00 PM »
M in a half asleep state today. No P and no P related fantasy.

1. Feeling great after that. Amazing feeling of relief!

2. Quite extraordinary feeling of a rewire as well. No thoughts of porn after or anything like that. It really felt about the same as after a long meditation session, just clear. I think "free" is the best word to describe it.

3. In hindsite, I probably could have, and maybe should have, M a lot sooner, but I am glad I waited until it was "forced" on me like this. Good way to make it happen by itself and I think if I had decided to "do it" I would have used fantasy and not just "clean" like this. I actually didn't know I COULD M without fantasy until now.

4. Will not start to M now, but simply continue the reboot with no PMO and no P and see how things go.

5. Will be a bit extra careful in the next days as I have read about that chaser effect so many speak of.

Finally. This happened after a few days of, what I think was, a flatline. Also, the M cleared away a wicked headache I have been having for two-three days. Afterwards I went back to sleep and awoke more refreshed from sleep then I can remember having felt for many months.

If I step aside from the explenations of dopamine levels, rewire functions of the brain etc, I also did this completely without any shame and and without any preassure to perform. It was simply natural, clean, normal sexuality. Innocent is a word that comes to mind. And there is a real sensation of victory now (yeah, sounds silly, I know). But this is a major step for me in rebooting my goddamn life.

20
I would NOT do this without drinking lots of water! Not being properly hydrated is bad business indeed. If you have some spiritual reason for doing that that is one thing, but if you fast with the intent of getting healthy, DRINK!

21
Ages 40 and up / Re: Who wants to let go of such pleasure? Maybe me
« on: July 09, 2016, 05:02:57 AM »
I understand this.

Look, don't see this as a life choice you must commit to as a cult, this is a tool. Be damn serious about a reboot so you can see the effects of it (otherwise you will not know if it is for you or not) but don't think years ahead and model your life after all of this. This is a great place for information and support. Good lucj with your reboot, buddy :)

22
Ages 40 and up / Re: Realizing I'm in hell
« on: July 09, 2016, 04:59:05 AM »
Yes! I agree completely and i do from time to time read my own journal. That is the main reason why I have it, and why I simply write straight from the heart here.

I have tried a lot of different hacks with myself when it comes to training and diet, and this is no different. Of course, even if all of this is useless to me, I need to actually get a real streak before I can say so. As for now, whetever I feel or don't feel is just emotions.

I am both sceptical by nature, but very determined to go the full mile before I decide.  :D

My mission is to not have ED and to be able to rely on my buddy down there. That is the reason I am doing that, and that is the only reaspon I am doing this. And the great thing with the reboot is that I have been starting to look into this more. Nofap is my path now, but there is of course a lot of other things that influence this, and I am starting to learn things about psychological ED. And a lot of what I read there is eye opening indeed.

There are two things that I will not do, and that is flip sides to the same coin:

I will not rationalize to myself that I should quit this before I can truly expect to see some result.
I will not use Nofap as a religion that I must blindly follow.

This thing is VERY emotional for me, and I think that is the worst danger. In all situations I need to keep my head clear and work to find the best tools out there.

23
I think that depends on you. What are you after in your reboot?

24
Ages 40 and up / Re: Realizing I'm in hell
« on: July 08, 2016, 03:48:56 PM »
Thanks!

It is quite tricky to know what effect the nofap thing actually has, but I will try to gather my thoughts on it this weekend or early next week.

25
Porn Addiction / Re: going beyond porn
« on: July 08, 2016, 02:40:53 PM »
No, you lapsed, but you have not RELAPSED. Just get back on the wagon again. And don't beat yourself up about it. I know very well that feeling of "oh, I am useless2 and that emotion in itself is probably what caused acne (or it is just your imagination).

You have had a great streak, and this will NOT set you back that much. You paused for a day, that is all.

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