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Messages - young shinobi

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Ages 20-29 / Re: my issue with time
« on: March 26, 2016, 01:45:28 PM »
today i feel like hell , i couldn't do anything , right now i go 3 time to a fight club , FULL CONTACT , like the MMA trainning , i have one tonight , i like it because it is both hard trainning and mind focusing too, so why the physic trainning looks more fun then spending an hour or two studing for my degree, and i realy hate this feeling of underachievement . it paralyzes me. >:(

Ages 20-29 / my issue with time
« on: March 26, 2016, 08:58:36 AM »
Time and actions
  Today, I decided to star posting early in the day, to avoid staying up late checking the FORUM and not being able to wake up early.
Like I said in my last post “beware of the power of sleep” waking up early has a tremendous effect on my mood and energy, it help’s me get a good star for the day ahead.
   Today I woke up at 07am , and I will  keep doing it for the next week , and I’m avoiding to take a nape or put my head on a pillow because I will definitely over sleep and ruin the hall day . After taking my breakfast and interacting with my family, I went to college for several hours and now I am posting my 6 day report.
    The brain fog, my concentration level and also my perception of the outside world is still restricted. I felt probably a numb pleasure response toward everything today, and I still feel overwhelmed by the day , I can’t take it all in , wishing for this day to come to an end.
     I end up loosing my drive toward the daily activities,
Since I have no agenda, no schedule and no idea about what to do next and I hate the aspect of chaos in my life.
Last year when I decided to make great effort to master my day , I remember how hard it was at first , but the more my day was organized , the more my mind gained clarity , and my five senses were somehow amplified.
I use to go into this state of mind briefly for one or to 1.5 hours in the early sunshine morning.
My mind was so open that I would use this flow state to write down my journals and analyze with great precision my progress toward recovery.
Now I truly miss that state , and from all the informations I read on YBOP, I realized that it was the brain fog that started to fade away momentarily , and that my brain also was returning to his normal sittings .
I hope that trough this recovery process I will regain my balance and my sense of time toward productivity and self improvement.

Ages 20-29 / I am the Young shinobi, this is my fight
« on: March 25, 2016, 06:16:36 PM »
I’m the Young shinobi .
This was my true identity, I had two loved ones in my life, all I can remember is that all my fights were driven by my deep desire to save theme. My dear Mother and my beautiful little sister. Everything else was simple and pure.
Then a villain came along [PMO/ADDICTION], he was strong, powerful, and he never seamed to have a weakness point. The more I got weaker the greater his power became.
At that time it never crossed my mind that the villain and the young shinobi were one person, two  faces of the same coin.
I , the young shinobi , never had the enough power to escape from this trap, after hitting my 18 birthday , it was clear to me that I was trapped in a never ending vicious cycle, since my mind didn’t shift, the same events , experiences perpetuated theme  self, over and over again   for the last 4 years .
I used to train almost every day because I wanted to gain strength , I  was always inspired by math , physics and even literature because I needed to obtain more knowledge , wisdom and intelligence , “to my the right mind is in the right body “.
But after my encounter with the villain, my addiction, my repetitive acts of MASTURBATING/PORNOGRAPHY.  My warrior identity started to fade away , my drive to succeed ,and even my true love toward my mother and sister wasn’t enough to stand up and face the villain in the battle field and say :”NO, you are not me , and this is how you are going down”.

The transformation needs to happen now, I still want to achieve my first academic record, I want to study hard enough to earn a scholarship to Japan, I  also want to become a real strong/wise Man by the time I hit 25 year.
 I crave the desire to push my physical and mental abilities to the limits and see where I can get , the sky is the limit.
My mother is probably the only person how never gave up on me  , she was also the first person to know about my struggle with PMO, she was very comprehensive , and told my this phrase like every time she does:
“ you have greatness inside you , you just need to tape into it”
So to all of you guys up there, reboot nation  , how had enough of being average , over looked , under estimated because our addiction left us with no choice but to give up , today, tonight , we declare war upon this abomination .
Every single day passing by during our reboot process will testify that we never quieted, never surrounded, and all the tools we will use against this enemy will make use stronger, faster and smarter.
Wake up early every single day , use your body and workout every single day , feed your mind with books and words of wisdom, and life lasting lessons instead of momentary instant of fake pleasure, live life and prosper.
Thanks to all ya.

Ages 20-29 / Re: Conquer. Personal Growth.
« on: March 25, 2016, 05:27:54 PM »
you seem to have a great positive energy man , and it is very refreshing to see that, what master degree you have in mind ? And how is this journey affecting your studies and mind set to it .I think you speech French , but your English is very good .

I’m probably in the same circumstances like you. 22 year old, working out and having a lot of vision for my studies and hopes.
 keep up the good work ;)

« on: March 25, 2016, 04:53:23 PM »
puting you self out there on wide platform like youtube is a bold and affective step toward  recovery . congrats man keep going , hofully you get there

Ages 20-29 / Re: beware of the power of sleep
« on: March 25, 2016, 04:43:39 PM »
thanks , i'm 22 years old , and i have no time left , i will hate to see my self turning in the same cycle of pmo for the next 20 years and wake up one day and realise that i have nothing to achieve.

Ages 20-29 / beware of the power of sleep
« on: March 25, 2016, 10:24:46 AM »
[DAY 5]
The first 4 days were great , in witch i felt a great sense of achievement trough my daily activities, no temptation , no cravings .
until today , I can see now the effect of my first dangerous habit :”over sleeping” , rather day sleeping , or waking up late , it’s like nothing I did today mattered .
I over slept today for like 3 hours after 11AM , even thought I woke up at 7AM and felt great about it , am angry and frustrated because this only remind my of my prolonged periods of sleep after seeing P and M to it .
I decided to become an early riser starting from 7AM , my goal is 4 AM , by the end of my 90 days rebooting , hope so ;D, by incrementing 30min after every two weeks, so in my [DAY 14] post I would wake up at 06h30 AM , every single day no excuses .
I need to star making positive change in my life and fast , every week I have to implement a new FAP:( fun, active ,productive ) habit hoping I will get there .
This week:
- go to the fight club 3 days a week
-waking up at 07AM
                                                                                          Young shinobi THANK YOU  ;D

Ages 20-29 / Re: 1ST YEAR clean from M/P/wetdream/lust (21 years old)
« on: March 23, 2016, 05:43:26 PM »
"People want me to fail". 
oh yeah I had a lot of those , and at a certain point they got under my skin .but like you said :"I AM FULLY RESPONSIBLE " , I need to get my freedom , I need to fight my way to success .no one else.
I just read you’re story , and old memories from the past overwhelmed my , , I’m the young shinobi , 22 years old and I have the same story , with an ex alcoholic dad , a recent divorce and a suppressed visions of abuses and violence .
I’m also passing my bachelor degree this years , and wanting to get an internship , hard time for all of us.
But no worries like everyone in this community, we all here to help and you’re definite not alone in this, I personally will follow your story. I can also be your Accountability Partner, if you want,I speak French too, and I just passed my 4th day, congrats on yours too.
From the first and second post I can see that you’re a person with great faith, a buried desire burning inside to make a positive change in your life. And that I can relate so focus on that.
and each day you face the same choice , study , workout , and friends try to take a different path from the one before , each day , each hour and don't be afread to push you’re self physically and mentally , you will decently get there

good luck

Ages 20-29 / Re: 3rd attempt - relapsed after 144 days
« on: March 23, 2016, 08:40:51 AM »
forget the 144 day , that was huge , but now it's time to began another battle , becaust the war is still not over yet n i'm young shinobi by the way , good to hear your story , and like you said we will have to make great changes around for this to work .

Ages 20-29 / Re: My nofap journey (journal)
« on: March 23, 2016, 08:27:46 AM »
you'r doing very well :D , congrats Man, i hope i can keep the good run too until my 60 days , and live each's day as victory for not giving up , and fight my  way to recovery. ;)

Ages 20-29 / Re: this is my story 2 .(the end)
« on: March 23, 2016, 03:03:28 AM »
thank you it is very helpfull to know that i wasen't the only one dealing with it

Porn Addiction / Re: Hello Gentlemen. Now we begin.
« on: March 21, 2016, 08:57:19 PM »
you made some strong points about our way back from hell , it's like DANTE quest from hell passing by purgatory all the way to heaven , i just wanted to ask about some factors that perhaps made my last relapses less frequent :
-having a long day occupation (job/studies) ? got me traught 67 DAY strike in a flash
-making a dialy extensive workout ? Another 60 days
and how can you beat the fear that take over ones you remember all your relapses in one moment of weakiness? it like all your darness converge into one moment , your next relapse

Ages 20-29 / Re: My nofap journey (journal)
« on: March 21, 2016, 07:58:03 PM »
I DID the same things yesterday with 3 friends , i was very exited and yet angry to see how much they where in shape more than  I. So i dicided to workout every single day , a 5 mile run , a 30 min rope no exeption .
and like you said moving our bodies has an amzing way of mooving our well bieng feelings too , so congrat for your 64 day , and wish me luck

Ages 20-29 / this is my story 2 .(the end)
« on: March 21, 2016, 07:38:11 PM »
From my seventeen up until now:
I’m 22 year old for the current time. And I can  still remember  my graduation year like it was yesterday , precisely the 26 June 2012, when I saw my final score  , my hopes and dreams fall apart:
-   At that moment all I could recall where my times in front of the computer screens , wasting time in a vicious PMO cycle , at school , down-town cyberspace , even at the family place if they had any remote internet access  .
From that miserable date my life took a wrong turn to hell, my addiction became heavier and heavier as the years went by:
-   my social  life became= zero
-   my human contact became=zero,
-   My academic achieving = mediocre.
This last point was even more hurtful, I originated from a poor family, and my success meant saving them from the bottom. But after   enlisting my name in a close home university - like community college –  with no girlfriend, no friends , no hobbies and definitely no workout since my PMOing/over sleeping  took all of my time , I realized that the young 16 year athlete how loved math and physics was no longer inside , I was replaced by a lost soul , stocked in regret and memory land .
This where the most dangerous PMO consequence I felt each day passing by :
-   no motivation
-   no drive toward life
-   a chronic social anxiety
-   an out of shape physic
-   no emotion response
-   no sense of time
-   isolation from the outside world
-   brain fog and a close symptoms to ADD
my longest strike on PMO was 67 days last summer , I got a waiter job  ,and  I was occupied almost the hall day , at night when I would comeback , I would go straight to bed without even thinking about P or M , before that was a 46 day strike , in my third  year of college , I made a full schedule of studies/workout/leisure’s ,but couldn’t commit to it because thanks to my addiction , I never finish what I start  .
I hope my story wasn’t so long , or boring for that matter , but 12 years of struggle isn’t quit easy to be resumed in few words , so thanks to anyone how spend this last 5 minutes finishing it.

Porn Addiction / Re: If you are losing hope? read this one.
« on: March 20, 2016, 08:43:36 PM »
take one step at a time ,  i had the same feeling before I relapsed last year, let each improvement sink in and don’t rush every thing at the same time. Congratulation on your 90 days PMO free , i envy you man my last attempt was 67 days, so good luck

Success Stories / Re: How I quit porn
« on: March 20, 2016, 08:03:42 PM »
You are absolutely right , when you restrict your access to internet , you literaly decrease your chance of running into a TRIGGER.
i did the same thing with my smart phone and tablet , i gave theme all away , and bought a sheap no internet phone , my only access is throw my uncle's old computer , this one only to check on my TV , no radio . it will take a great effort from us to cleans our brains from years of consuption.

Ages 20-29 / this is my story
« on: March 20, 2016, 06:06:28 PM »
Greeting to the entire reboot nation.
 I’m 22 years old young student from Morocco and this my speak up story.
I joined this community  as a first step in getting support and sharing my story with everyone , hoping to find the last pieces I need to get ride of this vice ones and for all.
After a none ending cycle of relapsing, I just passed my first day PMO free as my first step in the 100 foot journey.
At the age of 10:
I have been addicted to P for over 12 years, and it all started with the (-18) French movies where I have my first encounter with naked woman bodies and sex scenes ,  I easily got  hooked on it waiting for the next movie to run other scenes so I can feed my 10 years curiosity .this fact is new to me because For the first time I made a great effort remembering my first contact with P.
After that came the school rivalry to watch the first P images in public cyber –since I never had a computer- , and after that motion videos came along so I can get instantly hooked on P . 
At the age of 14 :
4 years later I made my first act of M , alone in the shower with no sex stimulate, I remember it was only an act of curiosity to discover my puberty , the first rush of dopamine was so good –addicting good-.
First I used to make fantasy stories in my head to M but when I discovered how much the process was easier and more rewarding with P , it’s then when the problems began .
Through primary and middle school I was a real good athlete, an A student how made ever lasting good impressions on every person I meet , I was kind , funny . Teachers, neighbors , family even regular friends saw me as a smart and talented young person with great future. Some people remember my name in time where don’t even recognized them.
At the age of 14-16:
High school came with my first years with this secret struggle , my mental and physical abilities started to fade away , my scores got lower and I always felt weak and trapped without making the connection to my addiction because at the time I didn’t see it that way , it was only a fun time to relief the stress and feel  momentarily good about my self .
At the age of  16 :
Due to my restricted access to internet ,  and at 2010 I joined a military school , the first year was awesome , I was top 5 in school , a promising runner . I fell  in love for the first time with a smart beautiful girl and I had great ambitions to go further , to graduate with high scores and win a scholarship to Japan to finish my university studies , but the fairytale was coming to and end.

Ages 20-29 / Re: My nofap journey (journal)
« on: March 20, 2016, 05:04:02 PM »
I read your post and it was like reading parts of my story, low self esteem, no drive toward our studies, and zero social life.
You made some important point such as:"Even at school I was doing the minimal required, although I've always been good at it" it like no effort you make is enough because there is no effort.
Keep the fight and I hope you get to your goal A PMO free version of your self, strong and confident.
PS: they suggest to have "Accountability Partner" , as a way of  mutual support, I’m new to this community , so I hope accept my request , .your welcome to  read my story in my journal thank you

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