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Messages - harry

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Ages 40 and up / Re: Back Again!
« on: March 15, 2016, 06:03:47 PM »
It really depends on how much damage you've done. When you stopped PMO for 30 days, were you in flatline the whole time? Did you get to a place where you had MW again? Sadly, recovery is not linear. You may have ups and downs.

It's tricky because what is normal arousal for people like us? I've written many a post about this. Is it real, or is it my sick brain in desperate need of a hit of dopamine? Who knows? Just a ballpark figure - 60 to 90 days, maybe more. The sooner you get off the merry-go-round, the better.

You didn't mention MO. If you MO during the reboot, it will only hinder your recovery. However, sex with your partner - healthy rewiring - can happen after you've allowed your dick to heal for a while.

I hope this helps.

Ages 40 and up / Re: The journey
« on: March 15, 2016, 04:10:40 PM »
Hey FF,

Congrats on making it to the half way mark.

I really appreciate reading your daily post. I've been down, too, lately, and I haven't felt much like writing. When I see your post, it reminds me that I've made a commitment to post daily.

I have found it most helpful to post when I'm feeling low as it gets me out of myself. The feelings lose some of their power as I gain perspective by posting.

Ages 40 and up / Re: My journal to freedom
« on: March 15, 2016, 04:02:05 PM »
Hey Robert,

Congrats on breaking a new record everyday with your recovery!

Great to read about your imporvement with your wife. It's a huge step in the right direction.

Ages 40 and up / Re: Back Again!
« on: March 15, 2016, 03:56:44 PM »
Hey Back Again,

Welcome to the forum again. You're in the right place for support and recovery.

For me, initially, I just stopped the PMO (porn/masturbate/orgasm) for the first month. While I succeeded, it did nothing for my recovery from ED because I simply started MOing (masturbate/orgasm) all the time without the porn. So, after that first month, I stopped MO, too. I made it 62 days before I lapsed 8 days ago. Absolutely, the longest time I've ever had without MO.

We call this the hard mode - no porn and no masturbation. This is the most efficient reboot method, and it will allow your dick to regain sensitivity lost from too much use. I would suggest you start with management goal of 15 or 30 days.

Stay strong and post often in your journal.

Ages 40 and up / Re: Who knew...?
« on: March 15, 2016, 03:42:28 PM »
The last couple of days have been kind of rough. A little depressed, a little anxious, a little stressed. Not sure what is causing this, so I’m just being mindful of it. My higher self can now look at this objectively and realize it is just a part of me which is experiencing these feelings; it is not the sum total of who I am currently. When I break this down into smaller parts, it becomes manageable. In my mind’s eye, I can watch the part of me that is squirming with stress and anxiety from a safe distance. It doesn’t have to overwhelm me.

I am still in search of a rewiring partner. Things fell through with my last one, but I have a line on a new one. Looks quite promising in the upcoming months. I am looking forward to testing how my reboot is progressing.   

Ages 40 and up / Re: Who knew...?
« on: March 14, 2016, 02:36:48 PM »
Woke up feeling blue this morning.

New work week and losing an hour due to daylight savings time have only helped to sour my mood. Whatever. This, too, shall pass.

I read FF’s post and decided to take his lead by putting a positive spin on the things. So, I got out my trusty toolkit, and pawed around for my damn gratitude hammer. Funny, it had gotten a little rusty from disuse. I did my morning chores, and then, set off for my morning walk up the stupid, steep hill. From atop the hill, I can see a huge part of the San Francisco Bay, including 3, well really, 4 bridges - the Golden Gate, the two Bay Bridges (old and new), and the Richmond/San Rafael Bridge. Spectacular that a 30 minute walk can provide such awesome views. Boy, I find myself feigning gratitude today.

And, hell, there’s nothing like a cold motherfkin shower to get the blood going. Gratitude, vigorous short-term exercise, and a cold shower sure help to rebalance my mood (mostly). It has been shown that strenuous short-term exercise and cold showers actually boost dopamine levels. Imagine that - a healthy way to get dopamine?

After my MO lapse last weekend, I find temptation lurking around each corner. This weekend, as usual, was challenging. I know enough to expect these urges; the dreaded chaser effect. This, too, shall pass as long as I don’t engage.

Well, I can say I am most definitely grateful that I haven’t viewed porn in 99 days. That is quite an accomplishment. Of course, my evil, negative twin is yelling at me, inside my head, “If only you had 99 days without MO - now, that would be a real accomplishment!” Oh, shut the f*** up!

Ages 40 and up / Re: Who knew...?
« on: March 12, 2016, 03:21:09 PM »
Day 6 no MO, so far…

Weekends are the toughest time for me. Slept in late and had a little temptation this morning. The morning hornies - I read somewhere that men’s daily sex drive peaks in the morning around 8 am. So, I’m chalking this one up to nature. I hopped out of bed and started doing some weekend chores. Tedious, never ending chores, what a bore, but it sure beats, well, beating you know what. I can live with saving my next orgasm for another man. Finding this person has been challenging, but I’ve got a couple of leads. Next step - I need to take some action. Today is looking good for that.

I have been doing my homework assignments that my sexological bodyworker gave me. The main one is breathing deeply from the diaphragm/stomach. My bodyworker says this is really helpful in keeping those of us with ED relaxed in the pelvic region, plus by relieving the tension, we promote proper blood flow. Proper blood flow is needed for erections. This breathing deeply is difficult because I find myself forgetting to do it all day long. Very irritating. I have placed post-it notes with ‘breath deeply’ on them all over the place to remind me. In the car, at work, on the bathroom mirror, near my computer, etc. I did pretty well with the breathing yesterday, and as a result, I carried around less stress. When I do my normal breathing, which tends to be shallow or chest breathing, I can feel my body holding onto stress in various parts. When I breath deeply, stomach out, stomach in, I can feel my shoulder, lower back, and butt relax. I’ve known about the benefits of proper breathing for years, but this is the first time I’m making a conscious, concerted (my mind and body) effort to succeed at doing it.

I know it takes about 3 weeks for form a habit, so I will keep my post-it notes up to remind me until this new habit is formed, and my body will simply do it without needing to be reminded. 

Ages 40 and up / Re: 500 DAY UPDATE!!
« on: March 12, 2016, 12:19:28 AM »
Congrats on the monumental achievement, Lyon!!!

Who's a better role model than you? I want to echo the thanks from all the men who have benefited from the wisdom of your words and your amazing journey.

It is really wonderful that you stay so connected to the forum; to continue showing us the way and saving us from the missteps you encountered along your path. You inspire us to strive and thrive.

Ages 40 and up / Re: My story and journal
« on: March 11, 2016, 04:26:48 PM »
Hey newstartbb,

Welcome to the forum.

No need to apologize. I doubt you offended anyone with your comments about your GF or about your occasional ED.

I agree that stopping masturbation is an excellent goal. ED troubles often spring from desensitization cause by too much masturbating. Save your orgasms for your hot GF.

Ages 40 and up / Re: The journey
« on: March 11, 2016, 11:18:58 AM »
Hey FF,

Happy Day 40. That day count is really adding up quickly!

Ages 40 and up / Re: Who knew...?
« on: March 11, 2016, 10:27:36 AM »
Yes, Phase2, the sexological bodyworker is a hot guy in his early 40s. Get your mind out of the gutter, you’re crowding me. I was dubious, too, but I feel much more comfortable about it because this is, indeed, therapy. Sexology is the scientific study of human sexuality. Bodyworkers use therapeutic tools that will hopefully allow me to get my own erection. This guy is not going to be giving me a blow job. He will be showing me some appropriate masturbation techniques which will involve some hands on me demonstration. Yes, I have taken the no MO pledge, but I still want to learn the techniques so I may use them on other men. Expect another report next Thursday.

I’m not sure this is going work, but I am open minded and quite hopeful and positive. This is alternative therapy with the word ‘sex’ in it. Of course, pervs like us turns this into something tawdry and dirty without even missing a beat. Just like massage parlors, I am sure there are questionable practitioners, so I would encourage one to do research and get recommendations before venturing down this road. In CA, these bodyworkers have to be certified by the state. 

Today is Day 5 with no MO. The cravings I had on day 1 and 2 have faded away completely. I’m back in the pattern (habit) I created by not masturbating for 62 days before this recent lapse. That being said, the weekend is right around the corner, and weekends are the worst time for me. To make matters worse, it’s expected to rain most of it. I have to get busy by making some plans to get out of my apartment.

Cold Shower Update

5 weeks today - I turn on the cold water and find myself waiting to get in the shower. Waiting as if the stupid water is going to get hot. Crazy! I know you can change or form a new habit by practicing or doing something for 21 days. I can only think this is taking so long because my body is still rejecting the cold shower thing on a very base level.   

Ages 40 and up / Re: Back
« on: March 11, 2016, 10:21:15 AM »
Well said Warthog!

Ages 40 and up / Re: Who knew...?
« on: March 10, 2016, 11:38:47 PM »
Today, I had my sexological bodywork. It lasted about two hours and was awesome.

It started with me providing a history of sex, porn, masturbation, ED, etc. Essentially, the bodyworker was looking for any signs of trauma (death grip). This took about 30 minutes.

Then, it was up on the massage table for a lengthy exercise in proper deep (diaphragm) breathing. Deep breathing coupled with massage therapy. No, there was no real contact with my dick, and the bodyworker remained fully clothed the entire time. Getting an erection was not the point of this exercise, that comes in later visits. This was all about breathing to loosen up the tension stored in the pelvic area. Evidently, when we are unable to get or maintain an erection, we tend to tighten up down there. The breathing helps relax the whole region. This is my first homework assignment.

We will cover new ‘modalities’ at next week’s appointment.

On the whole, this was a great experience. It was very therapeutic with slight sensual undertones. I would recommend this work for any single man working through the issues we deal with on the forum. Of course, I had a male bodyworker, but for you straight guys, there are female bodyworkers available. 

Ages 40 and up / Re: Day 18 (evening post)
« on: March 10, 2016, 10:06:25 AM »
Hello Robert,

I've enjoyed following your progress. Welcome to the forum. You are doing it!

I agree with Bob's post. It would be helpful to others if you keep using this particular post or thread to continue your journal. Others simply continue writing their journal by clicking the 'reply' at the bottom. Your whole story will be in one place.

Stay strong!

Ages 40 and up / Re: Who knew...?
« on: March 09, 2016, 11:45:31 AM »
I made it through Day 2 with no MO. I consider yesterday a real test of my new, steely resolve as I was off from work and at home all day. Sure, there was a little residual temptation. I pulled down my sweats a couple of times to take a look; to hold him for a second or two but, I was able to take a few deep breaths to interrupt what was occurring in my brain. I came between the feeling and the reaction. I disrupted it. I know, from experience, I only have a few scant seconds to derail this process otherwise I lose.

Deep breath in and out, acknowledge the feeling, deep breath in and out, engage the prefrontal cortex to make a choice not to follow the feeling. Deep breath in and out. If I don’t catch this within the first 5 seconds of the feeling, I’m doomed to perform the act, whatever that act may be. Hell, it might be eating ice cream. The point is if I get in there quickly enough, I can make a choice to do something else. 

After all the noise I’ve made about not wanting to quit MO forever (one day at a time), today, I feel oddly at peace with my decision. My dick’s performance has improved a lot over this journey, and may even be kind of near normal (need to do some testing), and I know that MO will only retard my progress. I’m tired, oh so tired, of sabotaging myself.

Ages 40 and up / Re: 321 Connect
« on: March 09, 2016, 11:05:15 AM »
Hey Hans,

I like the new counter! We're neck and neck on the MO one. As I was told by another member yesterday, "Just keep those hands off!"

Ages 40 and up / Re: Who knew...?
« on: March 08, 2016, 12:58:48 PM »
Well, I made it through Day 1 without MOing. I had a little trouble sleeping last night, and what was the first thing my mind told me? Just MO, it will help you fall asleep. It sounded so easy, so easy to get away with it. “No one will know”, the Beast said. My higher, stronger self chimed in with, “But, I’ll know.”

In my experience, Day 1 is always the hardest with any addiction. I expect a quieter day today.

Ages 40 and up / Re: 321 Connect
« on: March 08, 2016, 12:32:07 PM »
Way to go, hans! Just keep your hands to yourself, I mean, away from yourself, and you'll be fine. Hard mode is the best way to go for a quicker recovery. I bet your dick will appreciate a the healing time. Remember, this will improve your cock's sensitivity!

Ages 40 and up / Re: Who knew...?
« on: March 07, 2016, 11:33:14 AM »
So, I took my dick for another spin yesterday afternoon, and guess what? It wasn’t worth it again!

The upshot - for the umpteenth this proves that I am incapable, completely incapable, of moderating anything for which I have an addiction. This was the final push I needed to take MO off the table formally (no, I didn’t just shed a tear). It’s done, over, finito!

I’ve been waffling on making this decision for quite some time, even though, I knew in my gut that I had to stop. Besides sugar, this is my longest standing addiction - over 40 years. As with every other addiction I’ve had - drugs, alcohol, cigs - it has always taken me decades to see the light. MO is just following the same course, the same damaged pattern of taking too long to realize the harm I’ve done. Hell, at least, I’m getting it now.

I do feel relieved that this internal battle is over finally. This recovery thing is not for the faint of heart.

Ages 40 and up / Re: Who knew...?
« on: March 06, 2016, 12:56:23 PM »
Well, I got a little cocky last night - in more ways than one.

In preparation for my sexological bodywork next week, I am supposed to apply castor oil to my dick nightly. The first night was fine since I used a paper towel. Last night, I decided to use my hand because I wanted a more thorough application than the paper towel provided. Bottle of oil in one hand, and my cock in the other - silly me, what was I thinking? Bad recipe. If only I had stopped at the first application! By the second round, I found myself marveling (uh oh!) at the viscous nature of the oil (point of no return), and then, it just happened (oh, really?). Since I was only partially aroused, I thought I was safe. How quickly I forgot about all those pornified times when I came with a limp dick.

Oh well, shit happens. Frankly, I’ve had so very many temptations along this journey, I’m surprised I made it 62 days. So, I’m not even feeling remotely badly about it. In fact, I find myself laughing at my utter stupidity last night. In the clear light of day, I can see my ridiculous folly. I’ll reset my clock to 30 days.

Was it worth it? No. Do I want to do it again? Absolutely. The chaser effect is already nipping at my heals. Overall experience? It couldn’t hold a candle to the real sex I had with a human 3 weeks ago. Not even close. Lessons learned? Must use paper towel to apply oil in the future. 

Ages 40 and up / Re: Who knew...?
« on: March 06, 2016, 01:48:37 AM »
Boy, I hope so, considering you're my accountability partner!

Ages 40 and up / Re: Who knew...?
« on: March 05, 2016, 11:38:42 AM »
Thanks for the encouragement, and welcome to the site, Gabriel.

I’ve decided to try something new in my neverending quest to become healthier and to tackle my internal infernal daemon - sexological bodywork.

I told a friend of mine, who is studying for his state exam to become a certified sexological bodyworker, about my condition. He said his work could help me, so I’ve scheduled an appointment for next week. Sure, I’m a little nervous about what to expect, but I’ve done some research and am going into this with an open mind. Here’s a little info -

Ten Common Reasons People Come to Sexological Bodyworkers

1. Premature Ejaculation
2. Erectile Dysfunction
3. Inability to Orgasm
4. Relief from Pelvic Pain
5. Couples Wanting to Enhance Their Sex Life
6. Learning to Give and Receive Pleasure
7. Recovering Sexual Functioning And Pleasure after Childbirth; Genital, Pelvic or Breast Surgery; Trauma
8. Accepting and Loving One’s Body, Gender and Sexuality
9. Understanding Anal Pleasure
10. Referred by a Therapist, Doctor, Social Worker, Massage Therapist

In preparation for my visit, he told me to buy some castor oil to apply to my penis every night. Actually, he said I should massage it into my dick. After a quick consultation with my recovery team, I told him the massage part was not advisable. He told me to use my pinky and to not make this a sexual thing. Apply as though I were dressing a wound. Apparently, castor oil has some healing powers. Not sure about this claim, but once again, it’s not going to kill me to try this. I applied the oil with a paper towel and left it on overnight, as instructed.

I’ll report my findings after my appointment next Thursday.   

Ages 40 and up / Re: Who knew...?
« on: March 04, 2016, 04:02:54 PM »
Thanks for the kind words, guys!

I’ve never had a Big-Mac, but comparing it to masturbation just seems so wrong on so many levels. Hahaha. Sure, if I were in a healthy relationship, I would rather have sexual intimacy over sex with my hand, but my perspective is different as a single man. That being said, I’m not going to make a definitive decision on MO until after I hit my next goal of 90 days. Honestly and regrettably (good and evil are at it again!), I am leaning toward no MO since I don’t believe I can actually masturbate in moderation. History has shown quite the opposite. I’m not really sure why I’m clinging to this? One last desperate attempt to slap some sense into me by my addiction, no doubt. 

Coincidentally, today is a perfect trifecta for me.

90 days no PMO
60 days no MO
30 days Cold Showers

If you had told me six months ago that I would have achieved these accomplishments early in the new year, I would have only believed the first one and would have suggested you were out of your mind on the other two. Funny, this life. To have had such dead set ideas completely turned on their head is truly befuddling to me. Further, I find it amazing I am even open to these draconian changes. I am not going to fret about what might land next on the chopping block.   

Ages 40 and up / Re: 48 years old and tired of PIED
« on: March 04, 2016, 03:19:13 PM »
I feel your pain - weekends are by far my biggest challenge. It helps when I have plans to do things away from home. I'm a little nervous about this weekend because we're supposed to get a lot of rain which will likely keep my indoors.

Ages 40 and up / Re: Who knew...?
« on: March 03, 2016, 11:32:07 AM »
I’m torn today - do I extend my no MO goal to 90 days? A big part of me knows doing the hard mode for 90 days is what is recommended. It has served others well. I’ve read the stories. The proof is real. The other, vocal part of me is sad. What’s the point in continuing for another 30 days? Why can’t I just have the occasional JO? Weekly or something? Can I really be patient for another 30 days? This is intolerable! Boy, I’m feeling pathetic and whiny and sad and lonely today. Danger, danger. Alert, alert.

Taking a cue from a recent post by Leon, I have to get between these feelings and any action which could derail my recovery. I must remember to be grateful for what I’ve accomplished so far. Why would I want to sabotage this? That’s easy - it’s a very finely ingrained pattern in my life which I've used for decades; it’s what I know how to do well. However, I’ve been working so hard in other areas of my life; I cannot stumble now. I want to cry out in frustration, but I not going to do that.

Just for today, I’m going to do the right thing. It’s not easy, but I know enough to follow my gut these days. I have reset that stupid clock counter thing to no MO for 90 days. Bitter. Angry. Whatever, the time will pass when it passes, and I’ll know, in the end, that I’ve done my level best to improve my tragic situation. I have to be willing to do whatever it takes - if I have to write that stupid fkin willingness sentence one more time, I’m going to scream bloody murder.

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