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Messages - harry

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26
Ages 40 and up / Re: Who knew...?
« on: March 30, 2016, 12:59:10 PM »
I am happy to report I will be seeing my rewiring partner again on Friday night.

While I’ve been tempted to MO this week, the knowledge that I’ll be with a human at week’s end makes it easy to resist.

Besides, after my recent MO lapses, I have made a firm decision to avoid MO (again!). I don’t want to struggle with the negative side effects - namely, the hormonal imbalance associated with too much ejaculation. You see, I cannot limit my MO to just once or twice. Here’s a link to an article that describes what happens with too much ejaculation -  http://therawman.se/orgasm-give-hangover/

27
Ages 40 and up / Re: Here I go to again;
« on: March 29, 2016, 06:32:51 PM »
Hey Nobby,

Welcome to the forum. It's a great place for support and recovery.

I've got almost 7 years of sobriety (drugs and alcohol) in AA, and using the tools from that program has really helped me with this journey. It's funny, in the end, I just substituted one addiction for another. Life of an addict. Now, if I could only kick sugar...

Anyway, I see this forum as a virtual meeting with cross talk. I come here periodically throughout the day and post often.

Stay strong!

28
Ages 40 and up / Re: Yes I Can!
« on: March 29, 2016, 12:43:53 AM »
Glad you're back, Bob!

29
Ages 40 and up / Re: Who knew...?
« on: March 27, 2016, 01:28:27 PM »
All went well with my new rewiring partner yesterday, and I will be seeing him again. I’m happy to have found a man with whom I can practice rewiring as it seems to be the next logical step in my recovery. It was a safe, non-performance anxiety environment, and my dick performed admirably well.

It wasn’t perfect, but at 54 years old, I’m not sure what perfect is anymore. I mean, I don’t think it’s realistic to expect to have an erection during the entire encounter. My dick responded well when there was contact, but otherwise, it was just kind of chubby or partially excited. This was only the second sexual experience I’ve had since joining RN a few months ago, and I consider both encounters a success.

On the other hand, part of me is just not sure what to think, and my stupid ego keeps telling me my dick should be responding as though I were 30 or 40 years old. I do know I am doing significantly better than I was prior to the reboot, and for this, I am quite relieved. Also, I do know the work I’ve done with my sexological bodyworkers has helped me become more relaxed and more focused on enjoying the experience in my whole body as opposed to worrying about what my dick is or isn’t doing.

My reasoning mind knows I shouldn't draw any overarching conclusions from these first two encounters and that I should be happy with the results. So, I am. I look forward to more practice sessions. Practice makes perfects, right? I'll gladly settle for something close.

30
Ages 40 and up / Re: My Journal: The Neuro-Chemical Autopilot
« on: March 26, 2016, 09:18:22 AM »
Good for you, Gabriel!

You've joined the Cold Shower Brigade.

31
Ages 40 and up / Re: My journal to freedom
« on: March 26, 2016, 09:16:21 AM »
Bravo, Robert!

Yes, it is quite humorous that experiencing morning wood, er kindling, leads one directly to post on the forum. In any other setting, it would be disturbing.

32
Ages 40 and up / Re: Who knew...?
« on: March 26, 2016, 09:08:57 AM »
I  had another great session with my sexological bodyworker on Thursday. 

We did some hypnosis, which is not generally part of sexological bodywork, but my friend is a licensed hypnotherapist. I have been hypnotized many times over the years, so I am very comfortable with the process. In reality, I was simply in a state of complete relaxation. No, the hypnotist cannot make you doing anything you wouldn’t do normally. They do offer suggestions and help buttress your own internal desires for change or improvement. At a certain point in the hypnosis, he did have me (solo) interact with my dick. At first, this was awkward, like I had to put on some kind of performance for an audience of one, but since my eyes were closed, I just decided WTF. I was able to get and stay aroused and erect for the duration of the hypnosis.

As I’ve said before, this is alternative therapy. I’m doing this because I’m curious about it, and because Western medicine’s only suggestion for me was to take dick pills, which didn’t work for me. This was my third visit, and I am healing as a result. Once again, this work is not prostitution - the bodyworker remains fully clothed the entire time. I have a gay male bodyworker, but there are straight female and male sexological bodyworkers, too.

Later this morning, I will be meeting with a new rewiring partner, who has also had some porn related issues, for some non-orgasm goal oriented sex.

33
Ages 40 and up / Re: Life starts at 40!
« on: March 25, 2016, 01:02:06 PM »
Hello Dominator76,

Welcome to the forum. It's a great place for support and recovery.

Regarding your libido, you may want to check with your doctor about getting a testosterone blood test.

Stay strong and post often.

34
Ages 40 and up / Re: Who knew...?
« on: March 24, 2016, 03:49:05 PM »
I am happy to report that the negative side effects of MO (namely, the hormonal imbalance associated with ejaculation) have subsided. I feel a lot less anxious, less stressed, and less moody.

I will continue with my commitment to cease MO altogether. I will be paying close attention to how I feel in the days after my next ejaculation with a rewiring partner.

35
Ages 40 and up / Re: Gay guy reboot
« on: March 24, 2016, 10:06:07 AM »
Hey now-man,

Wow, check out that counter! 150 DAYS!!!

While you've mentioned that PMO is not a big draw for you, the number above is still an awesome accomplishment. Being open to stopping porn has allowed you to see hookups in a different light.

Keep up the excellent work, my friend!


36
Ages 40 and up / Re: Who knew...?
« on: March 23, 2016, 04:39:24 PM »
After my recent MO lapses, which were roughly a week apart, I have observed some irritating patterns.

I’ve read about hormonal changes in men after ejaculation, but hadn’t really studied it. It turns out, dopamine levels plummet while prolactin levels rise, and androgen receptors also decrease, meaning our testosterone levels decrease. Oxytocin tends to decrease, unless one stays bonded with a mate.

The net effect of all these interactions are feelings of depression, anxiety, desires to act out on addictions, mood changes, aggression, arousal, stress, headaches, and etc. Wow, this really helps explain the funk I’ve experienced for many days after each of my MO lapses. These hormonal disturbances can last a week or two. Here’s the site for more info - http://therawman.se/orgasm-give-hangover/

This is just another nail in the coffin for masturbation.

Funny, since I’ve scored a rewiring partner for this Saturday, it has been pretty easy to ignore the MO urges which have plagued me recently. 

37
Ages 40 and up / Re: 60 Day Reboot: From addiction to connection
« on: March 23, 2016, 02:34:07 PM »
Hey AndyNJ,

Personally, I would avoid the porn with your wife. Why set yourself back the 4 days you have already?

I like your other option much better - discuss this whole thing with your wife.

Stay strong!

38
Ages 40 and up / Re: New member starting life without porn
« on: March 23, 2016, 02:27:59 PM »
Hey memake,

Welcome to the forum. It's a great place for recovery and support.

I couldn't agree with you more. I've gone over 100 days without porn, and I don't miss it at all.

Masturbation is my real problem.

Stay strong!

39
Ages 40 and up / Re: Who knew...?
« on: March 22, 2016, 05:32:48 PM »
I came to this forum believing that PMO was my issue. As it turns out, porn has been really quite easy to quit. I think about it rarely, and only as something I used to do; I don’t miss it.

MO is my true addiction. Porn was just a vehicle I used in pursuit of my dopamine rush.

Initially, this was not apparent to me. During my first 30 days, I quit PMO, but I continued to MO with some occasional difficulty while making the transition away from porn. I learned about the hard mode (no PMO or MO) and decided to give it a shot. In reality, I thought I had simply substituted one addiction for another. I have a long history with addiction, and this type of behavior is pretty common for me.

I made it 62 without MO before I lapsed. Making those 2 months was not easy, and since then, I've relapsed again. My lapses were all MO. I never even considered watching porn. I continue to be plagued with strong desires to masturbate.

Why am I writing all this? I guess I want to point out that while I was very convinced my problem was porn, upon closer observation, it turns out it was not. This new knowledge has allowed me to concentrate and narrow the focus of my recovery.

40
Ages 40 and up / Re: Gay guy reboot
« on: March 21, 2016, 11:19:46 PM »
Congrats on your ongoing improvements, now-man!

You summed up the cold shower experience very well. It really does take a commitment since every morning I try to talk myself out of taking one.

41
Ages 40 and up / Re: My journal to freedom
« on: March 21, 2016, 11:07:40 PM »
Hello Robert,

You write, "It may no sound like much but for me it was the most important thing in the world." On the contrary, I doubt anyone could read this and think it didn't sound like much. What you wrote and experienced was very moving for me.

Thank you for sharing it.

42
Ages 40 and up / Re: RANDOM THOUGHTS
« on: March 21, 2016, 04:23:40 PM »
Best of luck with your new endeavor, Lyon.

I've never been a fan of social media in any form, and I feel very fortunate that I never created a facebook account. However, I do understand how you view them as addictions as I have become quite addicted to this forum. I'm not worried about it, but I am conscious of it.

A similar pattern emerged when I joined AA. Today, I spend about 4 hours on week at meetings which I believe is completely healthy.

43
Ages 40 and up / Re: Who knew...?
« on: March 21, 2016, 11:19:43 AM »
Made it through another weekend. In fact, it was a long weekend because I took off Thursday and Friday from work. Back to the grind today.

My upcoming date next Saturday has morphed into something pleasant. I was introduced to the guy by my sexological bodyworker who thought we might have some things in common. Well, I've had a couple of conversations with with the guy, and it turns out he has had a little experience with porn and its related issues (No, he’s not a member of our forum). It appears I’ve found another rewiring partner! I’m very excited and hopeful to have found a kindred spirit, as it were. We’ve set some ground rules and have aligned our expectations nicely. We’ve decided that Saturday’s encounter will be non-orgasm goal oriented, thereby alleviating any performance pressures. 

Life is funny. The minute I stopped obsessing about finding a rewiring partner, one lands on my doorstep. Were I a religious man, I might think God has some kind of plan for me. I’m happy to write I’ve been given the green light by my recovery team. 

44
Ages 40 and up / Re: My story and journal
« on: March 20, 2016, 11:45:07 AM »
Hey BB,

Sorry to read about your girlfriend. Sounds rough. Stay strong, man!

45
Ages 40 and up / Re: Tommy's Journal
« on: March 19, 2016, 11:26:03 AM »
Hey Dharmabum,

Just a suggestion - you may want try taking cold showers. I think you might find it rather difficult to achieve an erection under the cold stream. The shower will cease to be a trigger; it will become a place of dread for a number of days until you habituate to it.

I have been taking cold showers for 6 weeks and can attest to the fact that they make me feel completely exhilarated.

46
Ages 40 and up / Re: Who knew...?
« on: March 19, 2016, 11:14:23 AM »
Well, another weekend is upon me. I’m feeling quite positive about this one as I’ve packed a lot into the next couple of days in order to avoid isolating. For me, isolating has the pesky habit of occasionally leading to MO. 

I’m looking forward to a lunch date I set up with a guy for next Saturday. Usually, I just do coffee dates, but decided to go with the guy’s suggestion.

Cold Shower Update

Yesterday was the 6th week of cold showers. Brrr. I have given up all hope that the initial plunge, head first into the cold water, will ever be easy to do. In fact, it’s those first 10 seconds that are killer. I realize this ‘cold shock’ to my entire system is the key benefit to this exercise as it prompt all sorts of responses - increases in breathing, circulation, and heart rate. I found this great quote describing an added benefit which I hadn’t considered:

By constantly challenging ourselves with something, even if it’s as simple as taking a cold shower, we build our tolerance for discomfort. We develop a mental toughness that enables us to keep calm in times of stress, to adapt to the obstacles that life throws at us, and to fearlessly take on new challenges.

As I’ve said a number of times before, I will continue taking these stupid cold showers, against all my better judgment (who am I kidding? my better judgement sucks), because of the way I feel when I finally get to turn off that damn cold water - completely exhilarated!   

47
Ages 40 and up / Re: Rebooting today
« on: March 18, 2016, 03:14:51 PM »
Hey Harry,

Good to hear you're alive and doing well.

48
Ages 40 and up / Re: Who knew...?
« on: March 18, 2016, 12:18:40 PM »
I had another appointment with my sexological bodyworker yesterday. I continue to be very enthusiastic about this work, and I felt more comfortable on this second visit.

Certainly, this is alternative therapy, and I am, most assuredly, a tad out of my comfort zone. It helps that I am no stranger to alternative medicine as my sister has been an acupuncturist for 30 years and has dragged me to some crazy stuff - Reiki, homeopathy, and hellerwork to name a few (I’m not even going to mention the psychic surgeon). Why am I embracing this work? I’m merely experimenting outside of the box. Plus, the bodyworker is a friend of mine from AA. To put it in perspective, I cannot forget that Western medicine’s only option was to give me pills which really didn’t work. Doctors don’t seem to understand this addiction, but my bodyworker actually received training regarding the ills of pornography.

Once again, this visit included a lot of talking about my problem and about my feelings and the RN forum. Since I was feeling more at ease, I shared more details about my experiences with and without ED.

I received another relaxing massage which eventually led to some indirect and direct contact with my dick. Initially, my member became quite excited and was at about 80% or so. Then, my mind started to worry. Well, this has happened before, hasn’t it? Early initial excitement followed by a dismal lack of interest. Sure as shit, it happened again this time, too. After a while, the bodyworker stopped to discuss it. He really made me talk about what I was feeling - I’m not manly, I’m not virile, I’m a loser, etc. Basically, he told me I had left the rest of my body and was only in my head once I’d lost my erection. How did I expect to feel any pleasure when I wasn’t even present for it? How indeed? The insecure feelings of fear of not being man enough are silly, irrational thoughts which need not be pursued. I can choose not to entertain them, just as I choose not to watch porn or drink alcohol.

When we started again, I focused on being present in my body, not in my mind, while breathing deeply. Relax, breathe deeply, let go. Relax, breathe deeply, let go. I liken it to a kind of meditative state, and though, it took a little time, my buddy, my pal achieved a knock-down-drag-out perfect erection which endured; not retreating after the first blush of excitement. Personally, it was an awesome accomplishment. I can get an erection by myself, but my fear, my performance anxiety issue, is it won’t work when I’m with another man.

What a boost to my confidence. The bodyworker told me that sure, I have some challenges, but I’m going to be just fine. Hearing that made me realize that on a certain level I had not been sure I would recover from this completely. In my mind, PA was always going to be lurking in some corner waiting to strike randomly.   

At my next appointment, he will incorporate some hypnosis into the therapy to help alleviate some blocking thoughts. I’ve done hypnosis numerous times in the past, and most recently with my psychologist a few months ago. I am quite comfortable with it.

49
Ages 40 and up / Re: Who knew...?
« on: March 17, 2016, 11:37:15 AM »
It has been suggested, rather pointedly, I might add, that I take my foot off the gas with regard to finding a rewiring partner. I appreciate the input from my recovery team because they are right.

I have channeled my energy away from focusing on my reboot to seeking a little companionship. My mind keeps telling me that if only I had a rewiring partner, I would have no more need to MO. Of course, all these thoughts are providing generous spurts of dopamine, and it is quite apparent this is all tied to my recent MO lapses.

I made it 62 days without MO and had changed my goal to 90 days when I yielded to temptation. I would like to achieve another 30 days without MO before making any decision about taking my equipment for a test drive.

This is most irksome, but it is, quite obviously, the right thing to do. These days, I strive to do the right thing in all my affairs, and I’ve found that while I usually know what that is, it is not always easy to do. If I want to improve, I have to choose to do the time. 

50
Ages 40 and up / Re: Who knew...?
« on: March 16, 2016, 10:27:28 AM »
I’ve had to reset my MO counter again. Another MO relapse. Basically, I’m still struggling from the other week when I first lapsed. I could blame it on a lot of stuff, but the fact is I’m an addict. My mind keeps telling me it’s okay to do it every now and then. Sure, it is, but I am not able to limit it to every now and then. If only (but you can't!) I could MO once a week or twice a month, it would be awesome. For this addict, moderation has never worked with any of my addictions, and it isn’t working here again. Surprise, surprise. Oh, well, back to Day 1. I’m nervous that I may be falling into a relapse cycle. I know how treacherous these can be. I will be mindful to use all the tools at my disposal.

My mood is somewhat better today, somewhat lighter. The fact that I’m taking tomorrow and Friday off from work is likely helping. Plus, I was the speaker at an AA meeting last night, and it helped get me out of myself. Also, I’m really looking forward to my second appointment with my sexological bodyworker on Thursday.

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