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Messages - CrazyGopher

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176
Ages 20-29 / Re: Opening my eyes
« on: May 08, 2014, 11:54:54 AM »
Welcome to the forum, weightlifter! It sounds like you are happy with your decision to not use PMO "for life," and I am glad that you are feeling good about it.  ;D

177
Ages 30-39 / Re: My very necessary Reboot Log
« on: May 06, 2014, 01:18:10 PM »
It sounds like you're feeling pretty glum, and also feeling frustrated with yourself?

Perhaps I can relate, because I've also been struggling with this for a long time. I often feel disappointment and despair after my own relapses, too.

It's tough being stuck in the moment and unable to think ahead during relapses. :(

178
Ages 40 and up / Re: Out of balance.
« on: May 06, 2014, 03:29:04 AM »
Glad to hear your GF came back. :) It sounds like a tough situation, but could also be an opportunity for both of you to heal and grow?

Oh, have you considered some kind of porn blocking for your devices? Some guys find it helpful.

179
Ages 20-29 / Re: Getting back to life
« on: April 29, 2014, 02:37:34 AM »
But today I tried to stay away from it. And I somehow managed. Then I went to do some swimming (normally I prefer gym but I have a wrist injury at the moment and my options are confined to swimming). After swimming I was getting out of the fitness facility and I spotted this girl who had this revealing top on her. And I immediately became preoccupied in my mind with that women and it really took me a good while to shake off this preoccupation. And it tormented me - it actually still torments me, this is how I feel.

I can relate to this. It's one of the things I find most frustrating about this process: the way random 1-second glimpses can become an obsession and create flashbacks that last for several days.

From my perspective, it seems like there are two problems:
  • As recovering porn users, we are somewhat oversensitive to sexual cues in the same way that a smoker is oversensitive to any imagery associated with cigarettes, and
  • we are used to indulging our cravings rather than pushing them aside (which is what non-porn-addict men have hopefully been learning to do since they were 12 or so since it's unrealistic to follow up on most cravings)

However, I think there are also two bits of good news:
  • When I choose not to look at a woman, it is less likely to create an obsession in my mind, and
  • every time I succeed in "not looking," that becomes closer to being my default habit and it is easier to do the next time.

I'm not very good at it, yet, but I think I'm getting better.

180
Ages 20-29 / Re: Nae fappin!
« on: April 26, 2014, 12:51:49 PM »
I have another question actually; I was on yourbrainrebalanced for a time, but I didn't find people particularly active in terms of checking other people's journals and replying etc.  Is this place more active?  I found it really disheartening when I would contribute to other peoples journals (which I did because I believe it's part of being in a community like this) and then not getting much back?

I see fewer journals go by without any replies here. Will it stay that way? I certainly hope so, but many of the early members are old hats who have made a lot of progress and are very generous with their time. Things may change as the number of members grows.

For myself, I've found that I feel better when I contribute to other people's journals without the expectation of getting anything back. In my experience porn tends to make people more selfish, so if you try to help out newbies it's normal that you may not get much love in return. Sometimes you will even get anger or rage directed at you.

Helping the newbies is a great service to humanity, for sure, but it can also drain you unless you have a really thick skin.

181
**Forum Rules-Guidelines-Suggestions** / Tracking Your Progress
« on: March 13, 2014, 04:57:33 PM »
Whether to "track" your progress is an individual decision. Tracking is certainly not required for successful rebooting! But if you like the concept, here are some ideas:



Real Stuff

Electronics are cool, but have you considered a good old-fashioned paper calendar? You can mark the days with a pencil and you'll have a physical, tangible record of your progress that you can hold in your hands!

I have my own old school counter, a calendar on which I cross the days that I have stayed clean and circle the ones that I have PMOed. I update it every morning. It helps me visualise how am I doing.

Another guy even posted a picture of has calendar, on which he had put dozens of the kind of "A For Effort!" stickers you might have gotten on your assignments in elementary school. He gave himself a new sticker for each day clean! Clever ;D I tried to locate that image for this post, but unfortunately I couldn't find it. :-[

It can be fun to be creative! :) In one memorable case a guy reported etching his calendar into the wood of a desk drawer, to help convince himself that his progress was permanent and not temporary. I wouldn't recommend that (you may want to forget about your P addiction one day!) but it's a cute idea.

One guy built a giant calendar out of Lego building blocks, adding a new piece each day. He said he loved it, because there was no way he wanted to relapse and take the whole thing apart ;)





Spreadsheets

A spreadsheet is a kind of simplified computer programming environment that displays data in a table. Many RebootNation visitors are advanced computer users, so it is not surprising that they like to use spreadsheets to track their relapses.

Because you have access to a programming environment, spreadsheets offer a lot of flexibility. For example, you could calculate how often you relapsed in a week or a month or a year, and make charts and line graphs. Or you could include various good habits related to your reboot:

I've modified my spreadsheet a bit to include all of the different things I try to do daily as part of this healing process...cold shower, meditation, journaling, posting here, exercise, etc.

Many people enjoy the spreadsheets and feel motivated by them. Others take a different approach:

I feel like it's still focusing on the addiction rather than focusing on living (and fixing) my life. In 'My New Life' I don't want porn to get any attention what so ever in any area of my life. I don't even want a spreadsheet because it reminds me of the addiction.

Both viewpoints are valid, and that's why we say tracking your progress is an individual decision.

Spreadsheets cannot yet be easily embedded in your forum signature. If your spreadsheet is online, you can include a link, but only a few people will actually click through to view your spreadsheet. Thus, you may find it is helpful to have an accountability partner or close rebooting companions to help you get accountability from your spreadsheet.

Want a spreadsheet of your own? Some kind rebooters have created spreadsheet templates you can copy and use yourself. There is a popular spreadsheet thread over on the YBR forum that includes instructions and a template (Google Account is required!)





Mobile Apps

If you use Android or iOS, there are several "calendar apps" available which make it easy to mark off days. There are also various apps related to addiction recovery and building good habits which you may find useful. I don't use any of these apps myself, so these are not recommendations, just ideas.

I installed an app on my phone which actually counts the seconds, minutes, hours and days I've not relapsed. I find this motivating, because when I get in trouble, I can open the app and check my progress. There's a big button on the app saying "I failed  :'(" which resets the timer, if I press it. I don't ever want to press that one. It helps. It's called "ImQuit" and can be used for any addiction you want. Check it out.

Recently i downloaded awesome application to my android device. You can get it from play store and type "days since" and search. There will be several apps, feel free to choose. For me, i choose Days Since by Joseph Mak. Then, install it. After that, open the app and fill the start date and the object. For now, it will not show up in your start screen, because you have to activate the widget. Activate it via widget bar in top of main menu. Then,  search for "days since" and put it on your start screen. Click it and check the object you created earlier. After that, wait 30 minutes.
Voila ! Now you have a rebooting partner in your own phone ;D For iphone users, i think similar app can be found in your app store too

Get the app called "Quit That" it's nice to be able to look at how far you've come whenever you need a reminder. I don't count my days in my head I actually forgot until i checked today.

Note: unlike spreadsheets and the tracker, mostly these mobile apps don't integrate with the forum here.

182
Ages 30-39 / Re: Sledge Journal
« on: March 11, 2014, 05:39:13 PM »
Sounds like a good strategy to protect your eyes from those images, man. I find its soooooo much easier when I don't look at that kind of stuff.

Good luck on your 30 days goal! I am hoping to reach it as well.

183
I thought the most interesting stat from the article was this: up to 60 percent of Japanese men in their early 20s and 90 percent of young Japanese women now say they prefer single life over marriage.

The article speculates that America might be headed in the same direction, with women becoming more interested in career and less interested in family.

184
**Forum Rules-Guidelines-Suggestions** / Re: What is reboot nation ?
« on: March 10, 2014, 07:33:09 PM »
Looks like Gabe has recently set up this forum? YourBrainRebalanced is run by TheUnderdog.

I haven't heard anything from TheUnderdog about shutting YourBrainRebalanced down. So, I think it will continue.

It is great Gabe decided to set up a forum. I hope it will bring some more attention to his Youtube videos! They are the best I have seen, and deserve more views.

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