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Messages - Rex

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26
Ages 40 and up / Re: Exodus
« on: April 02, 2019, 08:22:00 AM »
I am on day 16 at 21:39:12. Almost 17 days. The urge to look at sexy images is strong now, DeltaFosB is receding a little. On the other hand life seems brighter right now, I am looking forward to the future. Coffee and food tastes better. I am badass; haven't looked at porn for 16 days, haven't drank for almost 2 weeks, I am kicking butt.

Being spiritual I know I have to rely on a higher power to help me with this but God is distant right now. In fact He is nowhere to be found. My life at work is hectic and stressful right now; why doesn't God fix that, it would help me tremendously. I know that God loves me, several times I have felt God's love for me and it is an awesome experience. Where is He at when I really need Him?

MosesY,

I can't tell you how much I have struggled with this question, today it's day 190 for me being free from PMO.  I have struggled so hard beating this addiction while fighting crippling Lyme disease that has brought me to my knees.  There were days in the last 6 months when I felt God abandoned me or I felt in this journey that God was so distant even when I knew I was doing all the right things and was obeying his commandments and staying clean of PMO. This is when the devil would hit me hard with temptations saying things like God's not listening why not go back to PMO?  I would fight through these temptations and forge forward and continue to pray.  I had days when I would question God, why is this happening to me, why are the simplest of things so difficult for me to do when everyone else I know can do them with ease, why am I housebound and I live with paralyzing panic attacks and anxiety?  I would plead for Him to immediately heal me.  These were dark days, and I still have bad days and days when I pray and don't feel anything or feel dead inside. However God did give me multiple signs that total healing is on the way, it was then that I realized that God doesn't work on my time table but in His time table.  In those darkest hours never forget He's there with us every moment of our struggles.

This battle for me though it's been the most difficult thing I have ever faced in my life, however it's been the most rewarding and has made me so strong even when my physical body is still weak.  God is working through you he is sending you your current trials to build you up and make you stronger.  For me I was a daily PMO addict for three decades, today I am 190 Days free from PMO.  I would never have had this victory without God.

Here's a great sermon which really helped me when I had those periods recently where I felt so distant from God and felt my prayers weren't being answered.  It was such a big help for me:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D5S0C35f_gE

Keep up the great work!  You are 2 1/2 weeks free from PMO, that's a big victory!  There are many more victories right around the corner!  I'll keep you in my prayers...

27
Ages 40 and up / Re: Uk65tantra
« on: April 02, 2019, 08:01:35 AM »
Day 21: No PM
3 weeks. In emotional shutdown. Guess the neurochemicals are returning to 'normal'.
It would be so easy to go for a dopamine fix. I will not give in. Frankly, can't be bothered and have too much at stake.
Hope the prefrontal damage is repaired soon.

cranm329,

Don't focus on the withdrawal or any of the other feelings these are only temporary.  These are only temporary distractions that pull your focus away from the real victory you have accomplished which is 3 weeks of being free from PMO.  Keep focusing on the future and staying vigilant, it will get easier and your body and mind will heal and you'll begin to feel better than you ever felt when shackled and chained with PMO.

Keep up the great work, you are doing great!

28
Ages 40 and up / Re: You have to own up to it, or it owns you...
« on: April 01, 2019, 11:05:38 AM »
Day 01 "The Next 90"
Urge Level: 0
Weight: 263.2
Blood Pressure: 152/91
Heart rate: 83


Its Monday and I feel ready for another go at the water fast.  Spent the weekend focused on hydrating and I'm psyche'd to get this next phase underway.  Sorry for the false start Friday, but Water fasting is tricky and if not done properly can be dangerous.  On the PMO front I feel good too, no desire to go back to the old life.  Worked hard all weekend on the reno and making good progress.  its 9:50am and I'm on my 4th water. 8)


In it to win it.

 



Prodigal son,

You are doing great!  Keep remaining vigilant, you'll find in this second 90 day period that it will become second nature to stay clean.  I really noticed this in the second 90 day period (3 to 6 month period).  The temptations and urges will still be there but they won't have the sting or the pull they once had but they will be different.  It's hard to describe, it's kind of like a thief who has stolen from your house by using the front door, after you really secure the front door, the thief wants to keep coming back and robbing the house however the thief then tries to climb on the roof and slip in a second story window, if that doesn't work the theif tries the garage.  You'll notice the temptations for PMO will get this way as you get further away from PMO, eventually the thief gives up and goes to another house.  As long as you remain vigilant and continue the daily prayer life, you are ready for these temptations and will successful swat them away.

Keep up the great work! 

29
Ages 40 and up / Re: Terrible Suffering And Great Victory
« on: April 01, 2019, 10:19:36 AM »
Day 189:

Last week was a physical and emotional roller coaster.  I had a very bad reaction with one of the prescription drugs I am taking for Lyme disease since I had around the same time I consumed cheese.  The evening that I last posted here on the board I took this prescription drug and then an hour later to celebrate 6 months free from PMO, I ate 5 slices of my favorite NY style cheese pizza along with several strips of garlic cheesy bread from a local pizzeria.  I ate it at home and by the time I was finished with the pizza and cheesy bread I had a massive reaction, I went flush, my body was burning up, I had terrible heart palpitations, and my heart rate was going like a jack rabbit while I was having a very massive panic attack. I figured it was just a massive panic attack so I didn't go to the hospital and just prayed as best as I could and waited it out.  After about 2 hours the heart palpitations and rapid heart beat had stopped but I felt terrible nausea, dizziness, and was terribly anxious. I hardly slept that night and it took me about 3 days before I started feeling as good as I did before I had the pizza.

After doing some research on the Internet I discovered that the prescription drug I am taking can give a person a bad interaction when taken with cheese, none of this was mentioned on the prescription bottle warnings.  However there were plenty of websites on the Internet that documented that all the reactions I had were due to taking this prescription drug and consuming cheese at the same time.  Lesson learned, from now on every drug or supplement that I take I am going to spend hours researching any possible drug reactions or interactions with food or other supplements or prescription drugs. I have also given up eating cheese, I hadn't been eating it much in the last 2 months anyway since I have really cleaned up my diet but cheese is now permanently removed from the diet as I did with sugar a few months ago and a few other things.

On the reboot front, things couldn't be better.  Still remaining vigilant and continuing the daily prayer life.

I had a thought the other day in which I realized that one of the reasons why I am so very sick with Lyme disease is because of my previous PMO addiction. The Lyme symptoms first started appearing back in 2010, but they started flaring up noticeably in 2011. The first symptoms were elevated anxiety and neck/upper back tightness and stiffness. It would flair up especially after I fell into PMO and if I stopped PMO for a few days it got better.  So I figured it was the PMO that was causing these symptoms, however I was so addicted I couldn't stop the PMO.  When I finally went cold turkey last September when the symptoms had gotten so bad, and then weeks after being PMO free I kept getting physically worse that's when I started to suspect something else.  If I hadn't been a daily PMO addict back in 2010/2011 I would have had it diagnosed properly back then and would have saved myself the last decade of terrible suffering.

Sin does come with a price and I have paid heavy for it and still am paying for it. It's a strong reminder every time those temptations or urges hit, to remember that PMO is the main reason I am suffering so badly from the crippling effect of Lyme disease.  This is my story of how PMO has ruined my life.  That's all in the past, I am now punching away at Lyme with everything I have got, a few small victories here and a few small victories there while still facing the occasional setbacks. It's all a process, but I am continuing to move forward.


Thought of the day:

1) The seeds of the fall to PMO occur before the fall, usually long before the fall.  It's the entertaining of the thoughts of a future fall that begin the process that eventually leads to the fall.  It's in these moments when we may have thoughts of returning and/or recalling or thinking about the temporary pleasure from past PMO falls that we need to laugh at these temptations and urges and swat them away.  This helps to make strong the mind and thought process, it nips the temptations and urges in the bud, so these temptations and urges can't later turn into an avalanche that leads to a fall to PMO. 


30
Ages 40 and up / Re: Terrible Suffering And Great Victory
« on: April 01, 2019, 08:21:13 AM »
Well done, Rex and thanks for the words of wisdom.

cranm329,

Thanks for the words of encouragement!


31
Ages 40 and up / Re: Terrible Suffering And Great Victory
« on: March 25, 2019, 10:38:27 AM »
Day 182:

I have hit the 26 week or 6 month mark in my reboot free from PMO.  It's a great victory, but I will continue to remain vigilant and will continue the daily prayer life.  Not much is emanating from my brain this morning, feeling extremely sluggish and feverish today from the Lyme, but still very happy.


Thoughts of the day:

1) PMO addiction is a very selfish addiction, it puts us first and not others.  One way to beat it during the reboot process is to remove the focus on us and put it instead on others.  Do something nice for someone today.  It could be something as small as smiling or saying hello, giving a person a compliment or words or encouragement, praying for someone, giving money to someone in need, etc.  When you do good things for others you will also feel better about yourself which will aid the healing process.

2) You can't change the past, stop trying to relive it or dwell on it.  It doesn't matter whether you are 40 years old or 80 years old or anywhere in between you have a future that you can look forward to.  Don't beat yourself up about the time lost to PMO addiction in the past.  Just keep the addiction in the past, focus instead on the bright future you will have being free of PMO.  There's no time machine to take us back, so it's fruitless endeavor for any of us to dwell on the past and beat ourselves up on destruction we have caused.  Instead lets leave the past the past, and begin true healing by focusing on the future.  We can't change the past, but we sure can change the future if we choose to move forward.  Forgive yourself and forgive others and just remain restitute and vigilant to stay on the reboot.

 

32
Ages 40 and up / Re: Terrible Suffering And Great Victory
« on: March 21, 2019, 11:02:08 AM »
Day 178:

Feeling better physically, but have been riding the roller coaster of many ups and downs due to chronic long term Lyme disease the last 6 months.  I caught Lyme disease about 10 years ago and I finally started treatment in December after finding out Lyme was the cause of my health problems.  However last week after an emotional roller coaster of 6 months I finally hit my breaking point and realized that I wasn't truly trusting God in my recovery even though He has giving me the signs that total healing is right around the corner.  I wanted the healing on my time table and not God's.  I finally came to a decision last week, no matter how bad the symptoms or how much suffering from the physical ills of the disease or the terrible anxiety and panic attacks it causes when it flairs up due to the disease wrecking havoc on my adrenal glands, that God will heal me and that I needed to finally let go and trust God.  It's given me peace and when the symptoms have flared up since last week I just placed my trust in God and no longer succumb to thoughts of doom and gloom.  The pity party of poor old Rex where I acted like a 2-year old having a temper tantrum are over.  I no longer lose hope and I don't get angry or upset anymore. 

This new attitude has also allowed me to not lose focus on all that I have gained the last 6 months.  I am no longer a slave to PMO, the addiction is gone I am free and nothing can take away this great victory.  I really truly in my heart don't long for it anymore, I long for purity of mind, body, and soul.  The urges and temptations will still pop up from time-to-time but they have no hold over me anymore, the appeal is gone.  My mind, body, and soul no longer want PMO, this is the real change that has been a long process to get here but I have arrived.  I know that I must stay vigilant and continue the daily prayer life but I have accomplished so much in the last 6 months and it wouldn't have happened without God's help and intercession.  I put my PMO recovery in God's hands and the results are something I never would have thought possible in a fight I have been waging since 1983.  Words can't describe how thankful I am to God, to be free from PMO for 178 days.


Thought of the day:

1) Never forget that just as in any 12-step addiction recovery program, God is the centerpiece to beating the addiction.  It's taken me many years to finally figure this out.  I thought I could do it on my own, the missing element was always not turning to God for strength and assistance in this fight.  He has provided me with everything I have asked for in this battle and much more. 

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”  - Isaiah 41:10

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” - Philippians 4:6-7






   

33
Ages 40 and up / Re: Terrible Suffering And Great Victory
« on: March 20, 2019, 08:08:30 AM »

Very good of you to check back in, Rex. Congrats on further progress. Lots of wisdom in your post. I especially valued the quote above and I will focus on all that's positive in my recovery. You take care!

workinprogressUK,

Thanks, it's great to be here on the board.  It has helped me so much, I started on the board 5 years ago, returned a few times and left for long periods. I should not have left it, I should have stuck with it but since last September I have been committed and I am now in this reboot and change for the rest of my life. 


Day 177:

Thoughts of the day:

1) How bad do you really want it?  Ever known someone with exceptional ability but the person didn't work on this skill or talent to develop it to its best possible outcome due to laziness, lack of focus, or just not wanting to pursue cultivating this ability.  Someone like Mike Trout in MLB or Lebron James in the NBA have proven themselves to be superstars in their sports.  Yes, they had ability but they tirelessly worked day and night on practicing, training, and when suffering setbacks they still continued on this process never giving up.  However their hard work and effort paid off and they have reaped the rewards.  So how bad do you want to be free from PMO?  The urges are bad and the temptations seem so enticing and comforting to go back or to continue to fall to PMO.  We here are on a reboot, whether it's minutes, hours, days, months, or years we have been on a reboot.  The decision is ours, do we want to go back or do we want to move forward?  The decision is entirely up to us - no one else can make the decision for us.  It's so easy to fall back, no work is required.  Just like Mike Trout and LeBron James found out being the best in their sports required commitment, sacrifice, and lots of hard work.  That's what the reboot requires of us.  It's not going to be easy but I can assure you that the rewards are so plentiful.  Slavery sucks, and falling into PMO addiction is slavery.  If we make the commitment and put in the hard work we will get our lives back and start to see benefits we never thought we would receive.  We can do it we can beat PMO addiction!  Keep positive keep moving forward the reward is waiting for all of us!

2) The centerpiece in a 12 step addiction recovery program is turning to God and asking for His help in the recovery process. 

       

34
Ages 40 and up / Re: Exodus
« on: March 20, 2019, 07:46:37 AM »
I just watched this video and it really struck home with me. My root problem, the reason I turn to cam girls, is the need for approval. For a little bit of money they will show approval to anyone, causing a dopamine high. I am going to spend more time today learning how to handle rejection and will also talk about it with my therapist Thursday afternoon.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vIgWMzdgweI

MosesY,

You are doing an excellent job of peeling away the onion of your addiction, this is a big step in the recovery process.  I found the same thing in my recovery, when the world around me caused hurt and pain I used PMO as an escape, a way of soothing the hurts and pains of life or not having the approval of others.  The YouTube video that you posted is excellent. 

One thing I have found that helped me immensely in my recovery is the fact that God loves us unconditionally and when I fully began to realize and truly believed it, the PMO temptations and other distractions really didn't matter anymore.  It doesn't matter what others think as long as I am doing my best to serve God, nothing else really matters.  I have noticed this change in thinking has also provided me with other blessings and grace from God that I never expected.

Keep up the great work, you are doing well!  You are going to win this war against PMO!

35
Ages 40 and up / Re: See them grow up
« on: March 19, 2019, 09:39:27 AM »
70 days no P or M. Something to feel grateful for and also to feel humble about. Seems such a small thing to achieve for a short amount of time but it has been and it continues to be a challenge. My system generally has less heat in it now. I'm physically cooler. My brain is clearer. I remember dreams, which I can't recall having been able to do before. Things are far from perfect in other areas of my life but they're stable and I work best when i focus on one task or challenge at a time. I won't tempt fate by increasing the energy i invest in those areas yet. Need to stay focused, stay in the present and enjoy the positives.

workinprogressUK,

Congrats on reaching 70 days, that's a big milestone!  It will continue to get better...  Remain vigilant and continue to be upbeat and you'll notice that it continues to get better as you progress in your reboot..

You're doing great keep up the great work!

36
Ages 40 and up / Re: 43 and want real sex
« on: March 19, 2019, 09:27:23 AM »
Just to add.

I'm 5“7 and weigh about 12.7 stone so I'm not particularly over weight. I've done muay Thai for 20+ years and so recently it's been fairly infrequent I'm not a hugely unhealthy guy with a poor diet wondering why I'm having problems.
That said, I've taken on board what some people have said about exercise and been training a touch more frequent.

Humpty,

Keep staying away from PMO and your body will heal. It takes time, remember you have been abusing your body with PMO for many years.  Part of the PMO addiction is that an addict releases in an unhealthy way one's precious minerals and vitamins faster than your body can replenish them, it's going to take a while for your body to buildup those vitamins and minerals and get back into balance.  One of the most common deficiencies caused by masturbation is Zinc deficiency.  After 3 months you should notice big differences, after 6 months you should notice even better changes.  You may want to have your doctor give you a NutrEval test by Genova Diagnostics, if you have a vitamin or mineral defiency this test will find it.  I am suffering from long term Lyme disease, my doctor had me take this test and found I was deficient in a few different vitamins which I am now remedying through supplements which is helping in my healing process.  You may find that you have a deficiency which could help in your recovery however if you are taking a good multi-vitamin and eating a healthy diet with plenty of organic vegetables and fruits along with exercising, getting 7-8 hours of sleep every night, you will eventually get your body back into equilibrium.  Also try Dr Weil's 4-7-8 breathing this helps to bring your body back into balance, here's a YouTube video on this breathing technique:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_-C_VNM1Vd0

Remember healing takes time, don't be discouraged continue to keep yourself free from PMO and you'll eventually be back to good health.

37
Ages 40 and up / Re: Terrible Suffering And Great Victory
« on: March 19, 2019, 08:31:31 AM »
Day 176:

What a journey, almost 6 months of freedom!  The temptations are still there, but they don't really have the sting or allure they once had.  I am finding that I prefer now even deep within my heart even during periods of temptations, purity over the old way of doing things, this is the real change I have noticed during this reboot.  The journey has not been easy, the daily prayer life with 3 Rosaries a day has kept me steeled and strong.  Also vigilance concerning being cautious with what my eyes view on TV, movies, Internet, etc. and being vigilant with my thoughts so that I don't get into fantasizing about impure thoughts.  I haven't used an Internet filter or blocker during this almost 6 month reboot period.  If I begin to falter on praying 3 Rosaries a day and stop doing it for day or two or only say less than 3 Rosaries on a given day I feel myself getting weak and I feel the strong pull to slide back, my vigilance begins to soften.  Each time I have realized my mistake and gone back to praying 3 Rosaries a day thereby averting a possible disaster. 

Thoughts of the day:

1) Remember 1 fall to PMO is not 1 fall, 1 fall will lead to a marathon of PMO that may take days, weeks, months, and possibly years to get yourself back on track with another reboot.  So try to avoid at all costs that 1 fall or even entertaining the temptation to that 1 fall to PMO while you are on a reboot.

2) This journey is not a temporary one where we strive to get to a certain point of healing and then return to the old ways.  The reboot is the new way, the only way.  It's a journey of purity not for a temporary period of time but the rest of our lives.

3) In the reboot process don't focus on the hardships or pain or what your body and brain are missing or longing for, keep your thoughts and attitude focused on the freedom that you have obtained.  Even if you have only been a reboot for a few days those are days where you have been free from PMO.  The illusion is that you are enslaved to it during the reboot when you are free.  Yes that's correct you're free, the temptations will hit trying to trick you to go back to PMO but during a reboot you're free.  In other words think of a movie where a lead character escapes death and is on the run, he or she is not thinking about going back they are doing whatever it takes to get as far away from that place and situation, they know they are free but they have to keep running to remain free so that they can eventually make it to that safe place.  In the reboot you will eventually make it to the safe place, just continue to run away from PMO and continue to move towards that safe place while you keep focusing and being joyful that you are free from PMO.

3) Listen to that small voice in the back of your head when the temptations hit, not the loud convincing voice that wants you to fall to PMO and is tempting you.  No listen to the small voice that you have heard many times before when you have gone close to the edge of the cliff in the past before deciding to fall to PMO.  It's the voice that tells you to turn away and stop before you fall to PMO, the voice that tells you are in the danger zone.  Begin to listen to that voice and walk away, turn away, etc. before you fall off the cliff to PMO.



 

38
Ages 40 and up / Re: Terrible Suffering And Great Victory
« on: March 01, 2019, 10:47:28 AM »
Day 158:

Wow, the changes are profound.  More blessings than I can really begin to fathom, even my battle with my physical illness can't detract from these blessings. The removal of the illness of PMO from my soul has been the great victory of my life.  It's been through the breaking of these chains and release from the sins of PMO, that I finally realize how badly it had me enslaved.  In April, I will be 50 years of age, for many who reach 50 they begin to feel regret.  I look upon this as a gateway to my new life.  The first half of my life since I was 13 was riddled with lustful thoughts of women, thousands of hours of porn, thousands of hours of masturbation, etc.  The second half of my life will be focused not on destroying myself with these vices but instead using my God given talents and abilities for His greater glory.

I am not under the illusion that the battle is won, for I realize there will be future temptations and tests that will occur.  However I have realized the last 158 days have been a training ground to make me steeled, toughen me up so that I can more easily fight this battle.  Prayer especially the Rosary have been my best weapons during this training period, I could not have made it this far without these special weapons against this spiritual battle.  It's been my finally realizing that I couldn't win this battle on my own and that only through God's intercession and help could I finally be free from PMO.  I must never forget that God is the only reason I have been successful.

 




39
Ages 40 and up / Re: See them grow up
« on: March 01, 2019, 10:22:55 AM »
Thanks, guys, for your feedback. Much appreciated.
Just checking-in. All OK. No gremlins.

workinprogress,

Great work, you are doing great!  Congrats on hitting the 2 month mark free from PMO. It will continue to get easier in the third month but keep vigilant and don't let your guard down.  Keep up the hard work, the victory is yours!



40
Ages 40 and up / Re: quit for good
« on: February 25, 2019, 01:44:41 PM »
Day 85  no pmo no mo no p   only o with wife

         Things going good  not much to report   perhaps later though

     as always

          Post often it helped me it will help you

Joe,

You are doing awesome!  Day 85 is a very big milestone!  Keep up the great work!


41
Ages 40 and up / Re: Trekking to Freedom
« on: February 22, 2019, 10:56:17 AM »
BigMog,

Good work staying clean for one week.  Keep up the great work! 

Business trips are tough because there's a lot of free time in the evening and hotels can be boring.  One way you can easily coast through it, is to setup a schedule of events for yourself.  Carefully map out after work what you will do at the hotel.  And don't leave yourself any idle time.  Have your schedule filled with stuff like: work out at hotel gym, take a walk, pray or bible reading time, go sight seeing, call family on phone, watch TV, or go out to a restaurant away from the hotel, etc.  If you find after you arrive at the hotel after work and have a schedule full of events by the time you complete them you then go to sleep and repeat the cycle until you are back home.  Idle time can play tricks on the mind especially when away from home.  Make sure not to burn yourself out with events but to have something scheduled to keep the mind occupied.  When the mind is occupied and busy it will be less likely to be tempted by PMO.

Good luck and keep up the great work!
 

42
Ages 40 and up / Re: quit for good
« on: February 22, 2019, 09:48:34 AM »
Day 82   no pmo no mo no p  only o with wife    Just over a week to go till the recommended 90 days   I will be running it probably till 100 or 110 days  before I  post anything in the  success stories  as I really want to be sure and even then I think i will continue this  journal at the same time for some time.    I just don't know if success stories is  meant for  reaching 90 days or actually beating the addiction.   I believe  beating this addiction will require much more than just a 90 day fast of pmo    We will see

    in the meantime as always

        Post often it helped me it will help you

joepanic,

Congratulations for 82 days, that is a great milestone.  Keep up the hard work.  You are correct you are not out of the woods yet continue to remain vigilant and continue the prayer life.  Each day does get easier as you continue further into your reboot.  The key is get to the point where it's second nature to be free from PMO.  I noticed real changes when I went past the 90 day mark and then even bigger changes past the 120 mark.  Think of it as like a journey of leaving a city such as Los Angeles, the farther you get away from Los Angeles the less likely you are to turn around and go back.  With this journey there's no turning back, PMO offers us nothing but misery. 

Keep on trucking, you are doing great!
 

43
Ages 40 and up / Re: 38 Days Tonight with No Porn
« on: February 21, 2019, 06:36:26 PM »
43 days in hard mode. On the verge of relapse.  Toes on the edge of the proverbial cliff. Been a very stressful/exhausting work week.  couldn't sleep last night, the cravings to view porn were so bad.  My emotional side has been relentless the last few days, the rational side is almost giving in. Thanks for any words of encouragement.

J.

jthomas,

Hang in there you can do it.  Remember no matter how bad the urges get, they will pass.  It's going to get easier as the more days pass by.  When those urges hit hard, pray and also try to remain busy to keep your mind focused on something constructive.  I'll pray for you.

Keep up the great work your doing great!
 




44
Ages 40 and up / Re: Terrible Suffering And Great Victory
« on: February 21, 2019, 06:25:05 PM »
Reboot_, Prodigal Son, and workinprogress,

Thanks for the great words of encouragement.  I really appreciate it.  Sorry I have not been back sooner it's been a tough battle with my physical illness since I last posted but in the last few days I have really turned the corner and feel much better, due to God's intercession.

Today I hit 150 days free from PMO which is about 5 months free.  It's been a tough battle but it's one that I can now really truly see the rewards.  My thought process has totally changed, it's now second nature for me to stay away from PMO.  The urges now have no power or enticement over me.  My life is now one of purity and happiness, the enticement of PMO has absolutely no appeal for me just like eating a rotten sandwich from a gas station that's way past its expiration date. 

For those of you struggling with your reboot, let me tell you it's going to get easier.  In fact a lot easier, but it takes vigilance, staying away from the triggers, and placing the battle in God's hands.  This is where I messed up before, I always felt I could do it on my own, it my own sin of pride.  For this reboot I realized I could not do it without God, because this is a spiritual battle.  The daily prayer life (consisting of different prayers and at least 1 to 3 Rosaries a day) has been the mighty sword I have used in this battle.  I know there will be future tests and temptations but I know that I do not walk alone, that God is there to guide me through the rest of my life.  And thanks to God and his Grace I know that great things await me for the remainder of my journey through life.  How wonderful it is for the chains of imprisonment to be released.  No words can describe how great God is. 

And thanks to all of my brothers here on the board for your encouragement, prayers, and friendship.  Let's continue to fight this battle.  May God be with all of you in your battle against PMO!

     

45
Ages 40 and up / Re: If not now, when?
« on: January 24, 2019, 12:13:10 AM »
Detente, Rex,
I appreciate you guys checking in.
A couple weeks ago I went on a bit of a bender unfortunately that lasted around a week. I'm back on the wagon now, and I think I'm around day 10, and doing well I suppose.
Trying to get that focus back. Last weekend the girl who had been the inspiration for my longest streak contacted me again, which screwed me up because had I not fallen I'd have been on 100 days or so instead of 6. I don't know what will happen with that. I'm kind of considering just going out with her and let the chips fall where they may. We'll see.

I hope you all are doing well. I'll try to post more often. It's hard to come here when you're down that rabbit hole. I will say that the contrast is incredible. The exhaustion and lack of confidence when I'm binging is something else. I feel better. That 'super power' mojo hasn't really kicked in. That's always my favorite part so I at least look forward to that!

NewVerse,

Great work getting back on the wagon, that was something in the past that I could never seem to do until this reboot. When I fell after a reboot, I feel hard into a PMO marathon that would last months or well over a year.  Great point about relationship pressures and other stresses, those used to do the same thing to me, causing me to turn to PMO as a release valve to take off the pressure.  It's not easy but your pulling yourself out of that rabbit hole and making the hard sacrifices, which is admirable.  Congrats on hitting day 10, before you know it you'll be passing day 100.  Remain vigilant and keep looking and moving forward. 

46
Ages 40 and up / Re: Trekking to Freedom
« on: January 23, 2019, 11:56:47 PM »
BigMog,

Great work!  You're now into week #2, won't be long before you are cruising into week #3.  Keep remaining vigilant, it will get easier as you continue to move forward.  You're doing great!

47
Ages 40 and up / Re: 30yearsgone Journal
« on: January 23, 2019, 11:53:16 PM »
1/17/19 starts my clock again.  Fell back into porn for a bit.  A bit of a medical scare and I was coping.  Things are ok, and I have a new lease on life.  I want to live it porn free and heal my brain.

30yearsgone,

Keep fighting, you are doing great!  Tomorrow you hit the one week mark, the second week will get easier.

Sorry to hear about your medical scare, when events like that occur it's so easy to fall back to the crutch of PMO but you are doing great realizing it's a trigger and moving forward navigating around these tough trials the last few days staying free from PMO.

48
Ages 40 and up / Re: Terrible Suffering And Great Victory
« on: January 23, 2019, 11:44:07 PM »
Hey Rex, Hope you’re doing OK. Keep up the good fight!

BigMog,

Thanks for checking in, I am gradually getting better in terms of my health.  Some days I am still struggling with some of the symptoms.  I am now on day 120 (4 months) free from PMO.  It's been a struggle, especially since the supplements my doctor has me on to fight my illness have really elevated the sex drive.  The temptations and urges have been pretty intense the last few days.  However I am praying hard and remaining vigilant, it's so good to be entering into month #4.  I am really starting to see the benefits, the brain is adjusting to the new me and I notice it's now becoming second nature to ignore the temptations and to stay clean.

49
Ages 40 and up / Re: Trekking to Freedom
« on: January 13, 2019, 12:41:29 AM »
Hi Rex, Many thanks for your encouraging post! Unfortunately, I was just about to add the paragraphs below to my journal when I saw you'd posted.

So, I got to Day 16 then had a fairly major slip of several hours PMO. The working week which I was concerned about went just about OK, but arriving back very late from abroad to the house where the rest of the family were in bed, I let my guard down.  >:(
I'm trying to assess what went wrong so I can try to avoid this situation in future. A slip like this is a fairly familiar story for me.

When I had my 66 day run this time last year I think part of the success was due to daily visits to RN and YBOP etc which reminded me every day of my commitment to this journey. In the last week, although I ensured my limited free-time was safe, wholesome and useful, I only briefly visited RN and didn't add to my journal or do my mindfulness practice from the app I use. I know I need to do those daily routines to fight this battle, but sometimes when things are going well or I'm really busy, I skip them which stores up trouble in the future for me e.g. yesterday when I got back home.

It wasn't that I had been fighting cravings for hours. I just had a trigger, a response and then the wrong action from me and within a few minutes, almost before I knew it I was sliding down the funnel. The mental process went along the lines of "The supplier has just turned on the new fiber connection" (which I now need for work and is helpful for the rest of the family since the previous connection had got very slow). "Oh, this broadband speed test website says the broadband is 10x faster. Wow, that means I should be able to see the difference in all sorts of ways, like how quickly videos load and play. I'll just play a couple of YouTube videos on my iPad to see....." I'm sure you can guess the rest of the familiar descent into bad decisions and PMO oblivion. To quote that great philosopher Homer Simpson: "Doh!"

To reduce the opportunity for these almost absent-minded slips I will, as well as aiming to be more rigorous in keeping up my RN, YBOP and mindfulness, make it more cumbersome for me to disable the restrictions on my iPad. I actually need to be able to adjust them sometimes as the default setting sometimes restricts useful, perfectly respectable websites. I don't want my wife as the keeper of the passcode as I know in the past this has been upsetting for her. I'll continue reducing the amount of time I spend on the iPad anyway. (I'm almost thinking I need to get rid of it completely; it is very useful and convenient but it is a weak link in my armour. I have other pieces of IT kit that I use, but as they are linked to work I've never used them for porn. Fortunately, even with the craziness of PMO, I'm not so far gone that I would risk instant dismissal by using work items to indulge my addiction).

I'm disappointed in myself but hope I can use this positively. I really want to avoid the chaser effect that could turn this into a series of binges.

I'm happy to receive suggestions for useful tips for recovery from anyone.

Keep Trekking!

0 Days clean


BigMog,

Your doing great, you fell but you have gotten right back on the wagon.  This is very hard to do.  The problem I always had is after falling after a reboot I always went into a PMO marathon which led to the next PMO marathon and then the next PMO marathon. Sometimes it would take me 6 months or a year or more before I would be able to get back on the wagon and reboot again. I have been free from PMO for 110 days now, I went 10 days before that free from PMO and then I fell in mid-September 2018, I realized that I had to get back on the wagon immediately and I have been on the wagon the last 110 days.  It was the first time I was able to jump right back on the wagon.  It's so difficult but it's a must to go right back on the wagon and not fall into a PMO marathon. 

Keep thinking about how great the 16 days free from PMO felt, and before you know it with vigilance, prayer, and good strategy you will be going right by 16 days and then 66 days quickly free from PMO. Take it one day at a time and don't beat yourself up for falling.  Look at this as being a video game like Super Mario Bros, every time you fall you learn where you made a mistake and you adjust your strategy and mindset so you won't fall to that trigger or pitfall again.  Eventually you'll win the game and be PMO free for the rest of your life.

Don't give up, you'll eventually beat PMO once and for all.  And don't forget to ask God for his help, I wouldn't have made it through 110 days without His help and grace.  I'll pray for you...  Keep up the fight, you're doing well!

50
Ages 40 and up / Re: 38 Days Tonight with No Porn
« on: January 12, 2019, 02:08:22 PM »
Day 10 hard mode.  Despite the persistent discomfort down south, I've slept better than usual the last few nights. maybe due to reduced anxiety or just cutting out MO has made for a more peaceful routine before bed.  Anyone else had the same experience?  Sleeping any better at night as an upside to our daytime battle within?

J.

It's very hard the "no PMO" route at first but it gets easier as time goes by.  In my experience going cold turkey on PMO is the only way to break free from porn.  The M or MO always leads back to P.  Congrats on reaching day 10, that's awesome.  You are doing great, keep up the great work!

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