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Messages - quitforeverthenwin2

Pages: [1] 2 3 ... 22
1
Ages 20-29 / Re: Support Network
« on: November 20, 2020, 10:55:20 AM »
0 Takers?

I think having people to contact during an urge can be VERY helpful - Imagine having 88 days clean - calling someone and getting through the urge moving forward in life versus not doing so....

Anyways - I don't want to persuade too much as I'd want people who really want to be involved and will be consistent

2
Hey man - glad to hear that it sounds like you are making some progress. And I agree about the inner protective mechanism! In a way feeling bad but not having any urge is a really cool thing. That is a huge sign of progress

3
Ages 20-29 / Re: A new Journal
« on: November 20, 2020, 08:40:39 AM »
Thanks man! You are absolutely right about Tinder etc. The only possible way I could see apps being usable, would be for a breath predetermined time (really this thinking may be bs - hasn't worked for years for me.... tinder I think is now part of the addiction as I used it so many times for looking at pics/porn alternative).

Anyways- I think the development of patience may be helpful - I never "need to meet someone right now!".

Also the better I feel and the better my lifestyle the easier it is to attract women... so I can focus on that.

That is a good question for myself.... how can I improve my lifestyle?

1) Get a decent job (by decent I mean something that is not awful, that pays me money and I can learn on, with a regular schedule)
2) Rebuild my day scheduling habit! Scheduling my days allows me to do sooo much more - start small! I schedule my workouts maybe just add in 1-2 more things to get the most important stuff done!
3) Get workout equipment for home workouts - do EVEN BETTER with my workouts then I am doing at the gym- make that progress. (gym likely to close in days). Be proud of myself for planning in advance!

As far as #2 - I can sign up for free security guard training. May not be a prestigous job but it is something.... and I hear rumours of a country wide lock down, but people will be paid their base salary... I better have a job when that happens- rather then be unable to get ANY money

4
Ages 20-29 / Re: A new Journal
« on: November 18, 2020, 09:15:49 AM »
Date went lovely last night ( did I mention I had one?) it was a girl I used to spend time with and hadn't seen. It was really nice and calming having the company - motivating to connect with someone and see how good reality is

5
Ages 20-29 / Support Network
« on: November 17, 2020, 03:00:52 PM »
Hey guys - thinking to aim to take support to the next level. Anyone interested in joining a small support network....

Basically we could do an occasional zoom meeting - Call/ text each other when urges strike ( but with not a huge amount of pressure to pick up as we can't always - but say we had like 4 people and could call everyone, even if no one picked up, by the end I think our urges could pass to an extent).

Let me know if interested!

6
Ages 20-29 / Re: A new Journal
« on: November 17, 2020, 10:45:34 AM »
Well I had something of a lapse

I fantasized about porn last night and I went on tinder, even bought plus and a boost .... so I spent about $12 with tax.

So currently I am on pace to hit 30 days masturbation and full on porn free today. But lapsed on these things....

Hmmmm - What can I do better?

Hopefully some rewiring can help....

I felt like I did many things right yesterday, what was missing?

Well - I guess I can just be logical.... the night time is the "danger time". Right before I sleep, me in my bed.

A solution for that time is important.

I was going to read in the living room, but roomate was there.

New solution..... Read in living room ( if applicable) but then also read in bed sitting up for at least a few minutes before sleeping.

What I need is a JUST before sleep routine, like the 5 minutes before I sleep, routine to USUALLY be completed before I lay down.

It ought to involve a bit of sobriety and a bit of positivity imo...

Considering listing off things I am grateful for in my head (or in a notebook)

7
Teens / Re: Surpassed one month
« on: November 16, 2020, 10:21:26 PM »
Absolutely - Great stuff man. Stick with this 100%!

8
Ages 20-29 / Re: A new Journal
« on: November 16, 2020, 10:07:13 PM »
Great day today -

I took a risk. I had a dr appointment had a nice chat in the waiting room with a girl. She got called in suddenly and she was like "see you later" and we were both disappointed it seemed.

I felt really embarrassed but I told the receptionist " Can I ask a favor...... I like that girl, give her my number" I wrote my number down and on the way out the receptionist told me that she gave it to the girl and she blushed.....
 
Hours later I thought " oh well, at least I took the risk..." Then the girl texted me! Pretty darn cool. Will see what happens.

I liked the girl, wanted her, thought she liked me and took the risk to go after it as best I could.


Man - I look forward to keeping my mind clear! PMO free, PMO fetish fantasy free - all this stuff..... Is leading me to many good things. Double down! Meditation - writing my whys using tools from SMART - I want to keep winning and plan and prep and put things in place to help me to continue to win in the future.

9
Teens / Re: IMPORTANT QUESTION
« on: November 15, 2020, 10:36:17 PM »
Yes bro - it does set you back a little bit. But not all the way back! It's like if you were driving and got a flat tire, you don't go all the way back where you started, you change the flat tire and keep moving forward.

Think about what caused this and make adaptations so it is less likely to happen in the future!

I'd recommend checking out some of the resources that I linked to (in another one of your posts)

10
Teens / Re: Surpassed one month
« on: November 15, 2020, 10:34:51 PM »
Hey man - great job on hitting a month. I am really happy for you tackling this problem so young! It's awesome you can get this behind you.

I feel like you are answering your own question - the masturbating "feels" like it is setting you back and you lack libido so it probably is!

I personally find it best for myself to never masturbate at all ( my addiction to it was pretty bad) so it is case by case. Perhaps this video might describe your situation

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CLYq-PwAgSY

Anyways bro - PLEASE stick with this and keep up the fight and be patient about results but IMPATIENT about action. Do everything you can to recover and cut porn out of your life. I am 28 years old.... what I wouldn't give to have fixed this when I was 16, even if it took a year or two to totally recover, it'd be awesome to go through college recovered from this fully. So stick with it!

Do not be like a lot of us guys who half assed it when young then 10 years later still had to deal with the problem! Keep up the good work man. If what you are doing is working - work even harder! If it's not working - adjust and work harder!

Some helpful resources are this website:
The "your brain on porn" book
and the smart recovery handbook, it is for addictions in general but is overall really helpful as it has a whole system laid out
https://shop.smartrecovery.org/product/books/smart-recovery-handbook-3rd-edition/

11
Ages 20-29 / Re: A new Journal
« on: November 15, 2020, 11:00:14 AM »
Last night was sort of briefly shifting into P - fantasy but pulled myself through pure will basically ( go me! : )  )

Still, for tonight perhaps I can plan a bit to get around this. I'll likely walk home - this will clear my head a bit.

Then I will read in the living room , on the couch (perhaps take some melatonin) until I am quite tired, so that ideally, I fall right to sleep when I get in bed. I may even plan an audio book next to me then, to listen to as I fall asleep, I believe I can set a timer for it to stop playing automatically.


12
Ages 20-29 / Re: Not gonna go it alone
« on: November 14, 2020, 09:17:04 PM »
Miss ya bro... hope things are going okay. Even if not if you ever see this drop a post!

Man can't believe it started years ago at this point, us posting on each others thread almost daily

13
Ages 20-29 / Re: A new Journal
« on: November 14, 2020, 09:13:55 PM »
Thanks guys!

Yeah - Chris, I am getting a lot out of it. It's really changing my perspective on dating

Jeks - Yeah man good to see you too! That was part of why I left it was just discouraging to see people disappear, glad you are hear though.

You were around when Blueheronfan was right? Man me and him were posting on each others journals for like a year plus, was shocked he disappeared. I think I'll always at least check in here to check on familiar faces. I guess at this point the "OGs" are left what, like me, you, do or die, squid (very sorry to anyone I missed! I didn't look thoroughly just went off a few names I recognized toward the top of the page)



Today I had another "instadate"! I met a girl in the park, we actually spent hours together. It was quite the experience. I had a good time but I was a bit triggered on the date, some things she said triggered some porn fetishy thoughts. I think it was mostly my mind making up bs. So being aware of that is helpful.

Overall it was a cool experience! Basically I have been on dates the last two days.

On the models book: It really changed my perspective I have spent years and years working on my pick up skills. By no means is that time all wasted, but it's like a never ending project and it doesn't seem to change much at this point. I feel like I was so often feeling like I had to up my skills or change things, or regretting it if a woman doesn't like me, analyzing etc.

But really - The mindset shift is like - Go for it, don't be sold on a girl just because she is hot AND if we don't date it is no big deal. It's pretty refeshing, basically I am just talking to women I find attractive and not worrying if nothing happens.

A few weeks ago I was going out with a friend to "work on my skills" I was working on the way I spoke - sure I worked on how I spoke but got 0 dates, 0 phone numbers 0 connecting conversations. Really actually going for it, going for the girl and two dates in two days.

Having successfully cut out fantasy to a high level- my drive for women is STRONG. It feels good. I WANT to go out and meet women. Rather then the old chore of going out to "work on my pick up skills".

I should mention - I had a slight craving a bit before posting. But I thought... man I love this drive to meet women I have. This DRIVE comes from the success of my reboot, the stopping of that old fantasizing about porn behaviour. So double down on it! I was a bit triggered by the girl. But the time with that girl was a success, and that success is coming from my drive, which is coming from avoiding my fantasy lol. So ... keep doing what I am doing! That was just the beggining.

I am excited..... I feel momentum building, good dates and connections with women are right around the corner. But the abstinance, my recovery and my life emotions etc come first! The enjoyable dating affection etc are just nice out growths of that.


Random: Considering doing a positivity challenge at some point for a week or so.... controlling my thoughts to focus on what I want ( rather then worrying about what I don't want)

14
Ages 20-29 / Re: A new Journal
« on: November 13, 2020, 10:55:04 PM »
Had a short "instadate" today.

Met a girl and we sat outdoors at a cafe. Felt good. Wow I felt a lot of attraction towards her - not sure we'll see each other again. I feel my motivation to date is strong. I want women in my life again BAD (in a good way). Planning to when I see a woman I am interested in - go for it. Go with an open mind see if I like her and if she likes me, repeat this until I find the women who I like that also like me.

I am reading the book Models by Mark Mason it is adapting my mindset and I find it helpful

15
Ages 20-29 / Re: A new Journal
« on: November 12, 2020, 09:04:41 AM »
Thanks for the support man!


I just want to celebrate that I feel much better this morning. I have more clarity and energy and my dreams were better then they have been lately, I actually enjoyed them! I had some dream about someone directing people walking in military formation to do some sort of work on a house where they all lived, the people were civilians and many of them were older.

I just remember watching and thinking it would be cool to know how to train and lead people in that way, the whole vibe of the dream was positive like everyone was enjoying what they were doing. It was just like a sense of curiosity that that I felt. Just really nice emotions.


This morning I was thinking about women I have know and dated a lot, fantasizing cuddling with them. This is generally fine but it's something to not let get out of hand. It did motivate me to want to go and meet some women soon.

I have been meditating most days, with the occasional miss. That is something that I have been working on though, being able to miss good actions here and there, yet still maintain them as a habit.

Yesterday I had a bad reaction to caffeine, it made me really sad, stressed and even gave me an urge. I believe a break from caffeine would be nice, but for some reason when I woke up I thought " I should have a cup of teas".... it'll help me get through my workout. Then I remembered... I am craving a break from caffeine, I feel enough energy..... no tea necessary!


Anyways - Thats it really, I think I'll just celebrate the fact that I feel much better this morning then I usually do.


One annoying thing happened this meeting. I was in an online meeting focused on addiction and was just irritated listening to everyone talk, then I spoke and was a bit rushed by the facilitator. I was pretty annoyed and left the meeting - which was the right decision, as I didn't want to be there. I think though it's good to have a proper perspective, I spoke last and the facilitator may have been short on time. I still am annoyed, but at the end of the day - it doesn't need to be all or nothing. I have been feeling irritated in the meetings for awhile now, really not enjoying them.

I can take a break from them perhaps.... and maybe work on other things for my recovery for a time (or not... who knows)

16
Ages 20-29 / A new Journal
« on: November 11, 2020, 02:51:58 PM »
Hey everyone - I don't go on this website much lately and am sort of impulsively starting up a new journal. I think I could use a bit of a motivation boost, so I imagine that creating a journal can be something of a new beginning, I actually have been doing a lot of things meditating working out etc. but I like that new beginning feeling and this can be a motivation boost/ extra wrinkle.

Age : 28


Today I am not feeling my best. I did my workout as scheduled which is good and will be helpful in the future. I think reading could be a good go to activity at the moment, giving my mind something to do.

I just started up memory training, learning memory techniques etc. I am pretty excited about that

17
Ages 20-29 / Re: Today ONE YEAR CLEAN!
« on: November 09, 2020, 11:35:24 AM »
Way to go Zeca! Keep up the good work.

Remember to keep doing what you are doing.

I think an issue with people quitting porn is people underestimate it like " 90 days I am good now!". I am learning a lot from hearing people who beat other addicitons in those circles they consider the first year or more the action phase then like years of maitanence after that

18
Way to go man! Awesome that you have morning wood almost every day

19
Ages 20-29 / Re: 26 years old; 740 days of abstinence
« on: November 03, 2020, 10:07:11 AM »
Way to go man keep it up!

Yeah man the fact that you have a flatline mixed with a compulsion to masturbate means to me that you for sure had some more healing to do. Keep up the good work man.

Once you get that partner just be aware of a possible chaser effect - sometimes urges come after being sexual. It doesn't mean it was wrong to be sexual, it's part of the healing too. I guess for some of us the wires are all crossed up and it takes a bit of time until the real sex gets separated from the PMO urges. Plus just sort of re awakening the sexuality at all does it somewhat I guess.

Anyways that being said, just be ready for that. For example, what ever you had to do in the early days of quitting PMO or MO (say going for a walk if an urge or even mild thought of it popped up, calling friends - whatever worked for you) just be prepared to do that after real life sexual encounters or the following days.

20
Ages 20-29 / Re: 26 years old; 740 days of abstinence
« on: October 30, 2020, 01:58:02 PM »
Way to go man. The no MO is the way to go. Keep up the good work.

For me the full no PMO then rewiring helps.

Keep at it!

21
Sounds good man, less internet = better.

I think you are definitely on the money, in terms of masturbating. I found when I did it the same thing weakening erection over time. For me it is a no-no and in your case the break sounds good at least.

Yeah, it is tough times right now! But awesome you have remained abstinent and glad yo hear your medication is helping you.

22
Ages 20-29 / Re: Frustrated like crazy
« on: October 15, 2020, 07:19:12 AM »
Hey great job man. It is also good that you posted about your feelings. You are on the RIGHT PATH. This is really uncomfortable now but in the future it will pay off. It's hard but man is it badass that you are willing to push through this to get the life you want

23
Ages 20-29 / Re: 26 years old; 740 days of abstinence
« on: September 12, 2020, 04:59:15 PM »
Yeah man. I think a big part of this is delayed gratification....

It is hard to give up MO because you are not certain you can get a real partner, but to get that partner you probably have to give up MO.

Try and think longer term. We can repeatedly try and get a partner this month or this week and be really discouraged when it doesn't work....

I was in that spot for a few years.... Just very sporadic spats with girls here and there. I think I had crappy sex a few years ago, then a few things here and there, but full years in between more or less...

Anyways. What is necessary is to think longer term. Feeling like we can never get a girl, then trying to get a girl now and it not working leads to misery. The long term view is more like "Okay if I keep doing the right things in 6 months to a year I will have a girl.

It seems like a long term but imagine if you'd done that 740 days ago? So think to a year from now, you could have a girlfriend, great erections and a good sex life and this moment won't seem too long ago.

Plus you are hooking up with girls. You had a girlfriend a year ago, sexual expeience 3 months ago, made out with some girls. That is more then the average guy....

I think keeping the girls is prob the important part, cutting out masturbation will help so your dick works. Also try adding in some things you enjoy to your life so you don't feel as desperate. For me I was really focused on work and meeting girls for awhile and I started feeling awful, then I realized I wasn't doing anything "just for fun" to nourish myself and I have now started reading novels again and hung out with a friend it really helped.

Finally if it really is hard for you to meet women, it is a skill that you can improve upon. It's not all about intention

24
Ages 20-29 / Re: 26 years old; 740 days of abstinence
« on: September 11, 2020, 03:40:21 PM »
Oh, I didn't realize you'd been masturbating. I thought you meant 700+ days porn and masturbation free.

Those are two really different things. I'd cut the masturbation as well at least for a long time. If you are masturbating every few weeks and intermittently rewiring there is no reason to think you would recover imo.

The rewiring is crucial for sure. But masturbating with fantasy (especially if it is porn influenced) for sure could mess with erections (it does with me at least).

I was having issues fantasizing about porn and even that messes with my erections.... Like even when rewired/rewiring fantasizing about porn without touching my penis sets my erections back a good amount.

So there is a lot you could be doing
#1 Stop masturbating
#2 Work on getting the rewire partner
#3 Cut out fantasizing/ at least porn inspired fantasy.

So this is kind of bitter sweet good news in a way imo....
Bittersweet in that you are not as abstinent as you thought (still good job on cutting out porn, looks like you've done that permanently, just stay that way)
But you've never done a full 90+ days maturbation free or a full hard mode type rewire. But the sweet part is:
You are nowhere near as hopeless or have any reason to be as you thought in your first post. You aren't continuing to have erection problems because you have some innate problem you are having them because there are stones left unturned you gotta handle to fix it.

It's better to be honest with ourselves. I had sex this morning and my erection was so-so but instead of saying "omg it's not fair I have done everything" it is better to be honest..... I fantasized about porn two days ago, it takes like 5 days for my erections to recover from that. So there is more I can do to have better erections.

25
Ages 20-29 / Re: 26 years old; 740 days of abstinence
« on: September 08, 2020, 01:30:39 AM »
Sorry to hear you are struggling. Wow way to go on 700 days plus.

The solution is simple though: Rewiring. I found it made little difference if I was two weeks porn free or many months. The first time with a girl my erection was awful and it just gets better and better each time I cuddle kiss etc without cumming.

Simple as that. So what you need is a rewire partner. If you cuddle/kiss a girl several times a week your erections will get better and better then you can escalate into sex without cumming.

This is the part some of us miss rewiring is CRUCIAL, the erections simply don't just come back by abstaining, rewiring is necessary.

My source is rewiring several times.

This last time I had months clean, got almost no erection first time cuddle girl, then a bit more the second time by the 5th or 6th time really good erections. The time frame varies but rewiring is key and it takes repetition.

Maybe finding a religous/ in experienced girl who'd want to do such a thing, lots of kissing/ cuddling without sex for a time.

Tinder/apps for me is too triggering but if it weren't I'd put a profile and playfully put "looking for a cuddle buddy", I have seen girls put that it may take going through a lot of girls but I think it could work, with a good profile to get an actual cuddle buddy.

Best of luck man. You're on the right track, one way or another you will rewire

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