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Messages - Unbreakable

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Because for me, they resulted in a psychological dependency. I did not believe I could succeed without them and developed some performance anxiety. I would have preferred to have recovered fully on my own without the crutch.

I understand. Can I ask you how bad your PIED was? At what point in your reboot did you succesfully use ED drugs?

Ages 30-39 / Re: The greatest challenge ever told
« on: September 08, 2019, 10:10:43 AM »
This list is taken from the video: How Internet porn affects the brain (YBOP)
Withdrawal symptoms:

    Poor concentration
    Mood swings
    Social isolation
    Several loss of libido ('the flatline')

Ah, that's very informative. Thank you. I've experienced the mood swings before, but kind of forgotten about them till I had this reminder.

Sad to hear that Unbreakable man. The depression is agony man as are the mood swings and withdrawal symptoms. I have never felt such emotional pain in my life and cannot tell how long it will last (some reckon it 40-50 days). I guess that is the cruel punishment we face for having gotten involved in this BS in the first place.

But keep strong man; it's just like Shawshank Redemption - got to swim through a sewer full of shit before you reach Mexico and eternal bliss with Morgan Freeman. 

Yeah, man ... it's a punishment for many years of mismanaging our lives. In my case, probably over 25 years. As it is said, men are not punished for their sins, but by their sins. I'm a living example of that.

Update: There have been some complications. After the extreme period of mood swings, which I overcame, I needed to write. I'm a writer amongst other things. I can't afford to be unproductive week after week after week. I MO'd once, and it worked. I got two big paragraps down late at night/early in the morning. Problem is, when I got up, I also MO'd once.

There was no porn involved, just caffeine ... I know it will slow my reboot down, but I believe this is an acceptable compromise when I really, really need to write, and I can't afford the many weeks in full standstill. As long as I can keep it limited. My decision to use ED drugs to try and have sex after 3 months of abstaining from porn is also a compromise. Not ideal, but I must have a goal, this woman, and I must try to get it done now. It's a world of becoming, not being, philosophically. I know by experience I couldn't take 2 years of abstinence with no sexual prospects, and no hope. I believe this method will work for me, who is no stoic by any stretch of the imagination.

Ages 30-39 / Re: The greatest challenge ever told
« on: September 07, 2019, 09:01:00 PM »
Crazy withdrawal symptoms. I'm shaking, shivering, hyperventilating and experiencing extreme mood swings, mostly feeling darkness and despair. I will let it pass through me. I wonder how long this will last. It's impossible to concentrate or get anything done.

Ages 30-39 / Re: The greatest challenge ever told
« on: September 07, 2019, 01:26:40 PM »
How many days of reboot you have?

7 days. Would have been three weeks, but I made a glitch. Looking forward to report I have 14 days, and then a month.

Ages 30-39 / Re: The greatest challenge ever told
« on: September 07, 2019, 12:45:08 PM »
You could have a low pressure blood, or acumulated stress these days…

I would think I'm in decently good physical health. Accumulated stress is possible, but I had the entire day open to me.

Ages 30-39 / Re: The greatest challenge ever told
« on: September 07, 2019, 12:29:26 PM »
I think I have a bit of an unusual reaction to the flatline. In the middle of the day I suddenly get very tired and have to sleep for like 4 hours. Must be the reward system and the dopamine thing.

Although I'd recommend against using them, I did and they helped me. Full functionality. Felt like superman.

How come you would recommend against them, if the user is genuine in quitting pornography? Surely it would help being able to engage in real sex?

Ages 30-39 / Re: The greatest challenge ever told
« on: September 06, 2019, 05:10:51 PM »
Thanks guys.

Pretty high emotions. All the repressed feelings I masked with porn are coming up. Mostly sadness and a feeling of emptiness and despair. Made a 15 km walk today. Came back home and too tired to do anything. Tomorrow I won't walk, but try to do some work in front of the computer. I imagine training every other day would be a good way to go about it.

Ages 30-39 / Re: The greatest challenge ever told
« on: September 05, 2019, 09:17:38 AM »
As I get deeper into this, I realize it's true what they say. When you remove the negative that is porn you need to replace it with something positive. I definetly should get an entrance card to the local training center, but right now I'm completely out of money, and it's sabotaging me. Oh well, more walks then. Hope the knee gets better.

Specifically Cialis and viagra.

Let us say you're in a sexual encounter with a woman during your porn flatline. (In my case, because I need to do this soon) How much would ED drugs help to have sexual functionality?

All input will be helpful, escpecially from those who have tried the same thing.

Ages 30-39 / Re: The greatest challenge ever told
« on: September 02, 2019, 07:41:58 AM »
I'll be completely honest. Again it strikes me how little functionality I have. The problem doesn't seem to be physical, it happens because my brain is completely fried. Makes me think how much I must have damaged myself through the years. This is a far cry from how I functioned in my youth. The change was gradual, it snuck upon me, but when the consequenses showed themselves, they were absolute in their mercilessness. Oh well, I will do nothing but move forward.

Ages 30-39 / Re: The greatest challenge ever told
« on: September 02, 2019, 07:33:50 AM »
dude hang in there man! We're rooting for you! Dun give up pliz

I had a little glitch, I admit it. I don't even know what happened. By afterthought it was a trigger that spoke to me at the deepest level of this sickness. I'll be generous with myself and not reset the counter, as long as I'm adamant with myself now. The nature of this beast is indeed treacherous. It is your own mind making war against itself. I will let this surge of dopamine subside, and move forward. Not all progress is lost. As of now, I will avoid triggers all week, and give a report when it's done. That will be sunday the eight of september.

If I analyze myself. There was a trigger, sure. But behind that, I got some very bad news from someone. Nothing too serious, I think, but potentially bad. It is the stress and pain that makes my discipline collapse. And how do I fix that? I don't know. There will always be stressors, pain and triggers.

I deal with alcohol by avoiding it. (it is a trigger) With this ... every time I feel stressed I need to get out of the door. I must develop an awareness of myself in such regards. Just walk it off physically, instead of sitting indoors.

Ages 30-39 / Re: The greatest challenge ever told
« on: September 01, 2019, 09:57:21 PM »
Just received some stressful news, and discipline is lapsing. Hard times ahead, friends. Hard times ahead.

I'm a fighter. I can fight. I will fight.

Ages 30-39 / Re: The greatest challenge ever told
« on: September 01, 2019, 01:27:13 AM »
It is now the 1st of september. Autumn has begun in earnest. I've now been porn free for 14 days. During that time, I only MO'ed once. The next 14 days, I will not do it even once.

It's a long road to be healed from this evil. I will always have this addiction, and my sexual function will gradually get better. But we're talking months and years.

These 14 days will turn into 14 weeks, and then 14 months, because porn is no longer an option. I recognize this evil and what it has done to me, and I must get rid of it. It's a spiritual battle, and
I must show myself worthy.

So my short term goal now is to reach the 15th of september, and not having MO'ed once. I have very little money right now, so I can't really reward myself. My self discipline must be it's own reward.

I wish luck to all my fellow souls who go through this struggle. We are good people, because we want something that is better. Let us crawl out of this pit. There is hope knowing it can be done!

Ages 30-39 / Re: Fapping, pliz go ->
« on: September 01, 2019, 12:43:02 AM »
Hmmm, what do you mean by 'implication and demonstration of strength' in my case Unbreakable? You mean 'do' rather than just 'talk'? In this case, how do you reckon i could have done that?

With this girl, i knew her as one person and then another after our second date. During our second date, she basically came out and told me that everything she had told me before was BS and revealed her true self; very selfish, shallow and cruel. I was completely taken aback - shocked in fact - as that wasn't the person she appeared to be on our first date. In retrospect, maybe i was looking at this with rose-tinted glasses - a poor divorcee who had been hurt by her scumbag husband. But turns out, she had been abused - not sure what form of abuse as she didn't want to say anything - by her brother and father and now has zero relationship with them (she had told me on our first date that she really only spoke to her Dad whom she loved). After her divorce, she dated three guys each of whom were abusive (you can see the trend now).

That's the problem. With porn addiction, you start from a very weak point, so it's hard to just "do." My strategy is to be open to my love interests about the situation, but that means the woman has to have a heart. In your case, she was not a woman to be relied upon.

Many people are damaged these days, both men and women. In a way, it's how one elect to approach the situation that can make a difference. It's easy to become a negative person. It's hard to try your best day by day, but that is what we must do.

Ages 30-39 / Re: Fapping, pliz go ->
« on: August 31, 2019, 11:57:53 PM »
Just wanted to chime in. You're like me in many ways. We're the exact same age, and have the same neuroticism and mood swings. Dunno how much of it can be attributed to porn. Some of it, at least, as your levels of dopamine and serotinin in the brain gets seriously depleted.

I'm not going to turn this into a discussion of game with women, but ... women can be cruel. You lament this situation of this 36 year old making fun of your wish to start a family. Thing is with women is that you should never really tell them about your plans and hopes, just demonstrate. Women follow implication and demonstration of strength, but they are inclined to disbelieve you if you tell them what you want. They see it as a sign of disingenuity and even weakness.

Ages 30-39 / Re: Porn ruined my sexual life
« on: August 31, 2019, 11:04:30 AM »
Good luck, man. It sounds like you're not as deep into it as some of us are. A 90 day reboot should be enough to get you back in the saddle.

Ages 30-39 / Re: The greatest challenge ever told
« on: August 29, 2019, 03:18:51 PM »
I actually suffer from something like this too. Some kind of hypochondria-like manifestations.

Some of it is real. Some of it is not. I have a tendency to hurt myself due to my neuroticism, and the neuroticism makes me ruminate more. I've read that neuroticism and anxiety gets worse with low serotinin, something a porn addicion deprives you of, since your body doesn't learn how to produce serotinin in a natural way. During a porn reboot, you can be hit by it all. Depression, lethargy, anxiety ... The good thing is that it will pass, given time. I'm prepared for a rough ride, but I will make it to the other side.

Ages 30-39 / Re: The greatest challenge ever told
« on: August 29, 2019, 02:55:55 PM »
Damn sorry to hear about that one man. The midnight attacks are the absolute worst as they creep up on you at your weakest moment - I've often failed in those moments. Hang in there man. And those mood swings and changes in perception of reality are also tough to deal with especially if they are recurring.

Have you got anything or any activities you can use to distract yourself?

Thank you. From what I read we are in very similar situation. I have my training/exercise. I use to walk pretty long distances, but last time my route was blocked by some road work, and I had to turn back. The exercise happens provided I have the energy.

I MO'd today. I got about 80% erect and it was hard to keep an erection. I should not do this often or at all, but right then and there I had to releave some of the mental pressure that has been building. My duty now is not to keep it up, and by all means, avoid any chaser effect.

One of the previous days I had a horrible experience. That is to say, I had the entire day by myself, but since I didn't have the porn, which my mind was constantly seeking, I got completely lethargic. I was unable to do anything at all, and it was a terrible feeling. Giving up on porn creates a void you have to fill with something. To me it's something physical. Training and eating, basically.

My health paranoia is still there. I fear I have a retraction in my ear drum due to an accident. I will have it checked out in three weeks time. In the meantime, I can't let the fear and anxiety dominate me.

I'm also in touch with an interesting woman. She seems to be quite interested in me, and I've told her about my condition. With that in mind, I must treat my affliction with due seriousness.

So, back in the saddle it is. One MO, nothing more.

Ages 30-39 / Re: The greatest challenge ever told
« on: August 27, 2019, 04:51:58 PM »
Things are moving forward. Have pretty strong withdrawal symptoms, with shivering, shaking and mood swings.

Not good that it seems like I must have hurt my eardrum with a syringe. It just doesn't feel right. Managed to hurt my kne too. It's my health paranoia talking.

Ages 30-39 / Re: The greatest challenge ever told
« on: August 26, 2019, 05:59:26 AM »
Had a very strong chaser effect last night after indulging in fantasies. The result was that I couldn't sleep the entire night. I spent like 6 hours in bed, wide awake. The things that were triggered felt like white fire in my head. I don't know how else to describe it.

When I woke up, I noticed I was like 1/4 erect. I was laying on the side. As I clumsily tried to get up, I managed to squeze my own penis between my legs. I can still feel it. The gods have their way in giving punishments. Hope there is no long term damage. The paranoia is setting in.

Ages 30-39 / Re: The greatest challenge ever told
« on: August 25, 2019, 12:32:20 PM »
5 weeks without PMO, but I've MOed 3 times (I don't know if this is good or bad).

We all know we can mastrubate, and most of us don't have physical injuries. They say that for heavy users, 1 year, maybe even 2 is the way to a full reboot. I wouldn't expect miracles after a little over 1 month.

Thing is, it is always tempting to check. But I believe you shouldn't do that. Let it heal on it's own. Men of the old times didn't mastrubate either. One can now understand why.

Ages 30-39 / Re: The greatest challenge ever told
« on: August 25, 2019, 11:42:18 AM »
Not really.

How far are you into the reboot right now?

Ages 30-39 / Re: The greatest challenge ever told
« on: August 25, 2019, 10:31:17 AM »
This has happened to me too.

Did it get better though?

Ages 30-39 / Re: The greatest challenge ever told
« on: August 25, 2019, 08:48:28 AM »
Feel like coming with details. The necro is over for now (necro meaning my penis feels ice cold and not a part of my body) Instead I have a generic flatline. Flatline meaning your penis feels attached to your body, but you have no sexual desire or presence whatsover. But when I undressed to shower after a mountain trip right now, I notice my penis is shrunken and shriveled. Perhaps my normal flatline in fact now is a sort of necro (the penis being shrunken)

I just need to keep this up. Porn is never again an option in my life. As I was thinking on the trip: I am a heterosexual male. There is something here, a baseline of sexuality, that I can get back.

Since I can have it, I will have it. It's as simple as that.

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