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Messages - Pauljoh

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Ages 40 and up / Re: Topic 1268 (Journal)
« on: May 14, 2019, 03:43:15 PM »
Hi Idunno,

As I read this thread, it see many parallels with my own story. I am relative new to this forum and the past weeks I've tried to read as much as I can. I have this addiction for many years and tried to stop on many occasions. Most of them in relative secrecy and on my own.
Getting caught had started each attempt to quit. I now know I lacked the conviction on how big the problem was. With the help of this forum and other information available it is now clear to what extend the addiction goes and how much it affects daily life.
Off all my senses,  vision is pretty dominant. I always scan my surroundings and it often distracts me from in deep conversation with my, wife kids or friends. To recognise the patterns is the first step to change and all information combined with the community here could be really helpfull.
 I will keep reading your posts since they are also reallt helpfull for me.
I wish you all the wisdom and perseverance to reach your goals.

Ages 40 and up / Re: my success
« on: May 14, 2019, 03:01:06 PM »
Hi Olaf,

For what it's worth... all things in the past are written in your history. Things ahead of you are open and all is possible.
I've read a lot of articles on mindset lately and that really helped me giving insight in my beliefs.
Your warning is welcome and we can all benefit from each others experiences here. Thanks for that.
Good luck on your journey!

Ages 40 and up / Re: Introduction to change
« on: April 21, 2019, 03:56:58 PM »
Thanks for the encouraging words on my first journal entry. It is my second week of reboot now and my beliefs are still strong. Reading YBOP, and Rebootnation helps me to keep focus on my addiction. I will go for the hard reboot with a 90 day period without PMO. It is all going well but the last two days I feel restless when I see anything that is remotely sexual. I assume that is my brain telling me to chase the dopamine rush like I always did. Anyway for now it is easy to neglect it and carry on. I know I can quit and I have done it several times for a few months and smoking for over two years now. For me the hardest thing will be to remain firm indefenitely. Our society is so visually overwhelming that it just happens in front of us without warning.
Anyway all good for now and up to the third week....

Ages 40 and up / Re: **Accountability Partner Requests**
« on: April 21, 2019, 03:40:00 PM »

I'm Paul and I'm in my second week of reboot now. I've been struggling with this for twenty some years now.
I have a very understanding wife who I love dearly and I have two kids with. She has caught me a few times with my pants down.
Every time I've promised to do better, find help and put an end to it. I tried talking to a psychiatrist, doctor and other caregivers.
But everytime it followed the same pattern. I was cooperative and convinced in the beginning and kept on the good path for a few months.
Then something small happened and the whole addiction spiralled out of control again.
This time I want to make real changes forgood. I started reading YBOP and other websites that led me to this place.
So I am looking for someone I can relate to and discuss things with we come across during our journey. Besides dealing with the addiction I'm also dealing with another related issue and that is being not fair with my wife over the addiction. I want to talk to her about my problems but I find it hard to do so. An AP who can relate to that also would be helpfull. It is my belief that this will take a long time and will commit at least one year. Please write me your story and concerns and maybe we can help out eachother.

Ages 40 and up / Introduction to change
« on: April 16, 2019, 02:31:07 PM »
Hi I’m Paul and for half my life I’ve watched porn. I’m 41 years old now and I now realize it affects way more than I held possible. It started out meaningless but it hasn’t been for many years now. I’m married almost ten years and we have two kids. I’m blessed with my wife who is understanding up till now. She has caught me with my pants down on multiple occasions over the past years. Me watching porn wasn’t the biggest issue, but me lying over it was. It hurts the foundation of our relationship since trust is a main component in my opinion. I’ve tried to take things I my own hand and quit porn. I always relapsed after a few months. Beliefs were always strong at the beginning but faded along the way. I now understand that I can’t do it on my own and I need help. I hope I can find people who can relate to what I’m dealing with because I can’t find them in real life. Also keeping a journal will hopefully keep my beliefs up. I’m in reboot for the 6th day now and I am committed to this journey. I’m in this for so long that it has become a part of me and I wonder how I am without it.

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