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Messages - MosesY

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Ages 40 and up / Re: Exodus
« on: April 20, 2019, 12:25:14 AM »
33 days without porn now. I have no temptation to look at porn this morning. I am up early, 12:35 am, will probably take a couple naps today. I struggle with some psychosis, believing that I am the antichrist etc. and that is strong in my mind today but I will have a good day regardless. I am going to write a letter for my two daughters, same letter to both. I am not going into detail on my quit porn stuff, just a letter on how my life is going, cheerful and upbeat. I said I would stay in my pajamas all weekend but I may get dressed and go to church this afternoon. Not because it is Easter but because I would like to get out and socialize more, it would be good for me.

Ages 40 and up / Re: Exodus
« on: April 19, 2019, 03:11:38 AM »
I am on day 32 now, no porn. This will be a hard weekend for me, Easter weekend so all my friends and siblings will be spending time with their family and I have no family. I have a couple friends that I will call tomorrow but I will be spending the weekend alone. THe temptation to buy a bottle and binge on a cam site will be very strong. I will overcome that by doing things I enjoy. I am taking a couple hours vacation today so I can do all my chores today and then spend the weekend rebuilding a couple Coleman stoves and working on cleaning off my workbench top. I will do that with hand tools, a scraper plane and hand held scrapers. When I am done it will be better than new.

Ages 40 and up / Re: Exodus
« on: April 16, 2019, 02:01:57 PM »
You don't have the best of luck, Moses, do you? I don't know CR well, but I see that it's Christ Centred and based on 12 Step process, which hints that it's not well disposed to science-based or analytical approaches to recovery. Big focus on our powerlessness, whereas YBOP is more focused on empowering. Some 12-step groups are pretty strict.

Yes, I see the wisdom in what you are saying. I was raised in a very religious atmosphere and am still very spiritual but I found that understanding why I feel what I feel when looking at porn was a huge step in overcoming the addiction. I think for myself combining the spiritual aspect of life with the science of how my brain works is the best way to overcome the addiction. I imagine everyone has to find their own path. I think I will go back next Monday night and talk it out with the leader. I felt disrespected in front of the group and I tend to just run away and isolate myself when that happens but when I do that it leads back to porn. I see my therapist tomorrow afternoon, I will talk to her about it and see what she says.

Ages 40 and up / Re: Exodus
« on: April 16, 2019, 02:32:00 AM »
I went to Celebrate Recovery last night and ws yelled at for reccomending the book "Your Brain On Porn". I am not allowed to recommend books. WHat is the point of all of us getting together if we are not allowed to help each other?

Ages 40 and up / Re: Exodus
« on: April 15, 2019, 03:04:57 AM »
In 2 hours I will be on day 30, Monday April 15, 2019. Sunday mornings are really tough for me but yesterday I stayed busy and avoided porn once again. I had a great day with friends yesterday, met a friend in the morning to give him some stuff, ate lunch with a couple friends and we talked for 2 hours, and I ate dinner with my brother and his wife.

Ages 40 and up / Re: Exodus
« on: April 14, 2019, 05:08:51 AM »
I am on the 29th day at 00:39:28. Tomorrow morning it will be 30 days without looking at any porn. The urge to look at porn is strong this morning, the DeltaFosB is receding now. I feel better, no depression. I am staying busy today, trimming my goatee, showering and shaving, cooking. meeting a friend to give him some stuff, lunch with another friend, and working on cleaning up a lantern. I have a couple cigars to smoke. That should keep me out of trouble.

Ages 40 and up / Re: Exodus
« on: April 13, 2019, 01:31:37 AM »
I am on the 27th day at 21:01:54, almost 30 days now. Hard to believe it has been that long. I have felt good the past couple days. I have to work this morning 4 hours then do my grocery shopping and laundry, the rest of the weekend will be spent working on my lanterns and my workbench top. I am really looking forward to it.

I would like to see some real studies done on that, not just arm chair theorizing. I am 51 years old, I have been masturbating for 38 years and I am not in the least bit homosexual, I do not have homosexual thoughts or tendencies. After my divorce I spent two months thinking about becoming homosexual because it would be an easier relationship but what I found is that I am simply not sexually attracted to men. I guess that shoots your theory right in the foot.

I never said that homosexuality was okay. We can do lots of things that are not okay. We can murder, lie, or steal, those are not okay. My stance on homosexuality is that since those people aren't hurting anyone I don't care. The men who preach against homosexuality and then sell drugs to minors and cheat on their wives and abuse their children are the men that really bother me.

What is the point of arguing that masturbation is a homosexual act? What difference does it make whether it is heterosexual or homosexual?

Homosexuality is currently defined as a sexual relationship between two people of the same sex. In order for masturbation to be a homosexual act you would have to change the definition of homosexual.

I did not say that what you think about while masturbating is what determines your sexual orientation. The fact that you interpreted it so is another indicator that you need professional help. Our sexual orientation is determined by our genetics, environment, and choices. Those three things together. If a man wants to only have sex with women he is heterosexual. If he wants to only have sex with men he is homosexual. If he will have sex with both men and women he is bisexual. On some occasions a heterosexual male will have sex with a man just to try it out, out of curiosity, or whatever. Two men having sex with each other is homosexual. If I have sex with a man that does not make me a homosexual, I only want to have sex with women so I am heterosexual but I might occasionally commit homosexual acts. I think you come from the stance that homosexuality is wrong but explain this to me; How is homosexuality more wrong than pride, greed, lust, envy, drunkenness, etc.?

I don't believe that the penis and the vagina evolved, I believe they were created. THe earth is obviously too complex to have just happened; there has to be some sort of force behind it. Lets go with your assumption that the penis and vagina evolved to create pairing. If that is the case then why did men evolve in such a way as to enable them to have loving, caring, sexual relationships with other men?

I have to say here that I am certainly heterosexual, I have never had sex with a man, but homophobic attitudes make me angry. Men love to rail against gay men. Preachers love to preach about it. THose same men that rail against homosexuality then go home and abuse and molest their children. If I am going to be gay because I masturbate once in a while then let me be gay.

The goal of this topic is to discuss why people think masturbation is not a homosexual act, so far i've asked questions that nobody wanted to answer.

Like i said, the word homophobia is not actually correct but this has nothing to do with the discussion, so please, you or anybody else willing to participate, answer these questions:

1. is sucking a penis to completion (and/or even swallowing or getting a facial) a homosexual act?

2. Is fucking a silicone cat while thinking of a woman not at all zoophilia related?

Sucking a penis is a sexual act. If a woman sucks a mans penis it is heterosexual. If a man sucks another man's penis it is homosexual. If I suck on a dildo or on my own penis, that is a solitary sexual act, it is neither heterosexual nor homosexual, it is masturbation. If I am heterosexual normally I would think about a woman while masturbating. If I am homosexual I would think about a man.

Question #2, you should think this through before casting it out there. I believe sexual orientation is formed through genetics, environment, and choices. Those three things work together to make us the person we are. None of them work independently. FOr instance you cannot just choose to be a judge and then be a judge. FIrst of all your genetics have to be in place; if you are born with an IQ of 80 you will never become a judge. Next your environment has to be in place; you have to be in a position to go to college. Then your choices have to be right; if you end up making the wrong choices and getting addicted to heroine you will probably never be a judge. It is the same way with sexual orientation; genetics, environment, and choices all work together. Now for the silicone cat. Lets say a man was born with the proclivity to like having sex with 12 year old girls. THe environment he is born into ends up reinforcing this proclivity. When he gets older he realizes this is wrong though and gets a little manequin so he can imagine he is having sex with a 12 year old girl. In your scenario he could be arrested for this and put in prison for it even though he never harmed a single person.


@ Mosesy

I would suggest you don't insinuate i am mentally ill and try to stick to arguments if you have any. Like I said, i focus on masturbation being a homosexual act, no matter how you perceive homosexuality to be (good/bad).

I'm just trying to grasp what you are staying before I counter with arguments. I also noted that you don't believe you are mentally ill and from my reading of your posts on this ssubject it appears to me that you need help from a therapist. I don't mean that in a derogative manner, many people including myself get help from therapists, it is just a matter of fact. The homosexual act occurs when you have sex with a person of the same sex. That requires two people. Look it up. Basically you are attempting to redefine homosexuality to include solo masturbation. What would be the purpose of that?

Your position that men would not suck their own dick if they could is based on your own personal opinion. I have seen pictures of men that were limber enough to suck their own dick. THe only reason men don't suck their own dick is because they can't. If they could the majoirty would do so, the same as the majority of men masturbate and look at porn.

Like I said in the former post, i don't want to turn this discussion into one about homosexuality, even though i don't consider it a normal/healthy behavior.

The discussion is about straight people, that consider themselves straight, that want to be straight... doing a homosexual act. We know already so many people complain of having homosexual thoughts after watching a lot of porn and masturbating a lot. This thread explains why that is.

Homophobia is not really a word, nor is islamophobia or other -phobias that have nothing to do with phobias.

A phobia is a [1] pathological, [2]irrational [3]fear. I and most people that don't agree with homosexuality being normal are not fearful of it, nor irrational, nor do we need professional mental health assistance because of it (that's what "pathological" implies).

I'm talking about a cat to show how it obviously matters who the recipient of the act is and that everybody actually cares about it, it's not enough to "think about a woman"

So the way I understand it you and other people believe homosexuality is wrong and you believe masturbation is wrong so you are dissuading people from masturbating by trying to convince them masturbating is a homosexual act. I would suggest that you seek professional help.

Ages 40 and up / Re: Exodus
« on: April 11, 2019, 04:42:33 AM »
I am on the 26th day at 00:07:35, just starting the day. I am going through severe depression. Porn and alcohol used to give me something to focus on, something to do in my spare time. I am working 10 hour days and Saturdays so it seems right now that I do nothing except work, eat, and sleep. Basically no point to life. I am too tired in the evenings to go out and socialize and I am socially inept anyway. I tried a local church group a few times and the men there outright disrespected me for some reason. I took a shower before hand and I am OCD about cleaning myself so I know I didn't stink. There is just something about me that people don't like. My supervisor doesn't like me, he expects twice as much work from me as he does from anyone else so by the end of the day I am tired and ready to just sleep. Last night I was too tired to eat.

What is your point about masturbation being a homosexual act? You seem to imply that makes it wrong somehow. Why would that be wrong? You come across as a homophobe.

If men could suck their own penis you can be absolutely certain they would do it. What would be wrong with that?

I would say if a man doesn't want to masturbate then he shouldn't masturbate. That is his decision. To go around telling other people they shouldn't masturbate well that is wrong. Instead of telling people that they shouldn't masturbate you should come up with some real problems caused by masturbation. Here you are talking about a cat (what?) and how you are gay if you do it. Seriously.

Ages 40 and up / Re: Exodus
« on: April 07, 2019, 12:15:02 AM »
I am on the 21st day at 19:36:27. I can't believe it has been 3 weeks without porn. I am doing my cooking this morning. I went through a suicidal period and came out the other side okay. I feel much better this morning and better able to handle my stress at work. I know that I have to go in for a terrible day at work tomorrow and I am okay with that. Right now I am not in a position to move so I have to take the job I have and live with it, i am okay with that. THis is a workbench I found at a garage sale this weekend, it makes me feel better.

Ages 40 and up / Re: Exodus
« on: April 05, 2019, 11:14:59 PM »
I am on the 20th day at 18:45:48. Almost 3 weeks now of no cam sites, no porn, not even risque YouTube videos. Still no real urge to look at porn. I found a cabinetmakers bench at a garage sale for an unbelievably low price. I can set it up in the garage and build stuff on it this summer with my hand tools. This gives me hope for the future.

Ages 40 and up / Re: Exodus
« on: April 05, 2019, 12:38:58 AM »
I am on the 19th day at 20:07:34. I had a rough week but I have a couple hours vacation today so only have to work 6 hours today and 6 hours on Saturday. I am going to find an AA meeting to go to, going to church tomorrow afternoon for the first time in a long time, Celebrate Recovery Monday night. I had a good session with my therapist last night, my insurance company pays her $187 per hour to care about me. I plan on cleaning and oiling my shoes this weekend, will be the highlight of my week.

Ages 40 and up / Re: Exodus
« on: April 04, 2019, 01:19:52 AM »
I am on the 18th day at 20:43:29, almost 3 weeks. I appreciate the encouragement. I am suffering from severe depression. I find it comforting to think about ending my life and am going to purchase what I need for that to happen this weekend, it is just relaxing for me to know that I don't have to go on, peaceful to contemplate it. I finally got my license straightened out, it is valid now and SR22 is not required. This is a huge weight off my shoulders but it took a toll. I had only been driving what was absolutely necessary so that will change now. I am going to attend Celebrate Recovery meetings and Alcoholics Anonymous. I see my therapist tonight but I am not going to tell her I am suicidal, she just freaks out. I am going to talk about the book "Your Brain on Porn" and what I learned from it, plus she will be happy I haven't had anything to drink.

Ages 40 and up / Re: Exodus
« on: April 02, 2019, 02:13:04 AM »
I am on day 16 at 21:39:12. Almost 17 days. The urge to look at sexy images is strong now, DeltaFosB is receding a little. On the other hand life seems brighter right now, I am looking forward to the future. Coffee and food tastes better. I am badass; haven't looked at porn for 16 days, haven't drank for almost 2 weeks, I am kicking butt.

Being spiritual I know I have to rely on a higher power to help me with this but God is distant right now. In fact He is nowhere to be found. My life at work is hectic and stressful right now; why doesn't God fix that, it would help me tremendously. I know that God loves me, several times I have felt God's love for me and it is an awesome experience. Where is He at when I really need Him?

Ages 40 and up / Re: Exodus
« on: March 31, 2019, 01:34:25 AM »
I am on the 14th day at 21:06:16, almost 15 days. The urge to look at porn is strong this morning. I have some things planned this morning and won't give in to it. If it gets bad I will take a cold shower.

Ages 40 and up / Re: Exodus
« on: March 30, 2019, 02:30:43 PM »
I am on the 14th day at 9:55:47. Sunday mornings is the worst time for me, I do most of my chores and errands on Saturday so I have very little to do on Sunday. Tomorrow morning I plan on doing my cooking early in the morning, I have some pans to wash too, so it will take me a while. Later in the morning I plan on using some of my camp gear, I collect Coleman stuff, and making breakfast on my camp stove out in the garage. I have some thick bacon, sausage links, and eggs. I have a cigar to smoke afterwards. That will keep me busy for a while, get me out of the house and get some fresh air. I have no urge to look at porn. I think the trick to a permanent stop to porn is to stay alert, not to get complacent. And not to give in to temptation even a little bit. There are suggestive videos on YouTube, flirting with women on dating sites, masturbation with porn fantasies, all of that stuff has to be totally annihilated.

Ages 40 and up / Re: Exodus
« on: March 29, 2019, 03:56:18 PM »
I am on the 13th day at 11:20:15. I appreciate all the encouragement. I came home from work tired and depressed. I had to do QC, packing, and shipping today plus end of the month inventory and it is a thankless job. I took all of my extra money out of the bank in cash again and set aside $200. I shaved and took a long hot shower, that woke me up and made me feel better. I was just looking at my finances. All of my bills are paid on time this month for the first time in 6 months. My bank account won't be overdrawn. I made a list of all my bills for next month, I will pay all of them early and also set money aside to save for an emergency fund. That made me feel a lot better. No urge to look at porn or drink when I see how much money I am saving.

Ages 40 and up / Re: Exodus
« on: March 28, 2019, 05:23:55 PM »
I am on the twelfth day at 12:50:38. I had a very good day at work today. No urge to look at porn tonight. Mentally I am in rough shape, on edge from porn and alcohol withdrawal. Borderline angry. Knowing the effects porn has on me I don't want porn right now but a double of bourbon would make me feel very good. However I know that leads to porn so I am not giving in to that temptation either. I am thinking of inviting my siblings to join me at Chili's SUnday afternoon to celebrate two weeks porn and alcohol free.

Ages 40 and up / Re: Exodus
« on: March 28, 2019, 01:07:31 AM »
I am on the 11th day at 20:35:50, almost 12 days. No urge to look at porn. My license suspension should be lifted today. I am bipolar and depressed right now. All it would take to cheer me up is 4 or 5 doubles of Evan Williams.

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