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Messages - MosesY

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Ages 40 and up / Re: Exodus
« on: February 15, 2020, 08:02:26 AM »
Thank you for the kind words. I am 167 days porn free now. I could not do this without help from a higher power. My higher power is the Biblical God. I am not quitting on my own, I have His help. I will receive $1000 tax refund on the 20th and then will be the true test wwhether I can resist the cam girls or not.

Ages 40 and up / Re: Exodus
« on: February 08, 2020, 03:41:08 AM »
I am clean for 160 days now. Today i have a bunch of chores and in the afternoon am going to a coin store with my room mate.

Ages 40 and up / Re: Time to stop the lies and take control of my life
« on: February 04, 2020, 08:54:14 AM »
I am divorced because of porn so I understand a little bit about what you are going through. For instance it will take your wife a long time to return your affection again and a long time to trust you. We are talking about years of the relationship getting back to normal. The best thing you can do for your family is totally quit porn permanently. I suggest reading the book "Your Brain on Porn". It explains why everything seems dull and hopeless.

I would also suggest showing your wife affection in various ways. Cook a meal for the family, buy her a single rose or a whole bouquet, hug her frequently if she will let you, wash her car,  etc. All I am saying is if I had done those things I would still be happily married. I don't know your whole story but hope you find this helpful.

Porn is an insidious addiction. The only way to get rid of it is to not look at any and the desire will slowly ease over a long time. The book explains how your brain will change. You are doing well by journaling here. I hope you have a counter on you phone and another thing that helps is social activities. I spend some time every day talking to a friend, whether it is a phone call or in person, and that gives me the good feeling that I used to get from porn without the after affects.

Ages 40 and up / Re: Exodus
« on: February 04, 2020, 06:37:22 AM »
I am 156 days clean now. This weekend I plan on  buying a dinner at Chili's and then lighting a lantern and enjoying a nice cigar and a double of Black Velvet to celebrate.

Ages 40 and up / Re: Exodus
« on: January 23, 2020, 10:20:51 AM »
I am 144 days clean now. I am home sick today, planning on spending the day watching Netflix and TV. I had my first morning wood this morning, very different.

Ages 40 and up / Re: Exodus
« on: January 18, 2020, 05:12:48 AM »
I am clean now for 139 days, over 4 months. Things are going very well currently. I feel better about myself, plus i have a lot more money now that I am not spending it on cam girls.

Ages 40 and up / Re: Exodus
« on: October 04, 2019, 06:02:36 AM »
I am not sure how many days I am porn free now. Does it matter? At least a month. I have a different phone now without any counters on it. I am going to put a counter on it this morning. Life is so much better without porn.

Ages 40 and up / Re: Exodus
« on: September 13, 2019, 05:32:09 PM »
I am a little twmpted to visit a site right now but I know what that leads to and am able to resist temptation.

Ages 40 and up / Re: Exodus
« on: September 04, 2019, 07:18:15 PM »
Thank you for the kind words jixu

Ages 40 and up / Re: Exodus
« on: September 04, 2019, 07:52:42 AM »
I am in  a good place today. Just watching Netflix and relaxing.

Ages 40 and up / Re: Exodus
« on: July 17, 2019, 03:52:53 AM »
I relapsed some this weekend. I reset my timer and am on day 3 now, The thing I found out is that porn no longer holds an attraction for me, it doesn't turn me on like it used to, I see how fake it is. There was no specific trigger. I think it will be a long time before I am tempted to look at it again.

Women / Re: Its a process...I guess.
« on: June 30, 2019, 02:20:52 AM »
I am a male, I do not feel it is my place to respond here, but this really hits home with me. I was born Amish and taught to be non-resistant. One time in elementary school when it was snowy outside some kids beat up on me too, pushing me down in the snow punching me and kicking me. I was taught that resisting is wrong and if my dad found out I was in a fight at school (no matter the blame) I would have gotten a whipping at home. This is the first time I ever told anyone about it.

This place is where school shootings come from. People are bullied and feel helpless and it's the only way to get revenge.

Ages 40 and up / Re: Exodus
« on: June 24, 2019, 05:05:34 AM »
99 days clean now. The other day I was really tempted to go visit a site again but various things such as my blocker kept me from it. I am not counting it as a relapse because I never actually did anything and came to my senses. After being without porn for so long it no longer holds the appeal for me that it used to.

Ages 40 and up / Re: Exodus
« on: June 16, 2019, 02:46:06 AM »
Today is 90 days freedom from porn. Could not have done this without God's work in my heart, the book "Your Brain on Porn", and the help I received on this site.

Ages 40 and up / Re: Exodus
« on: June 15, 2019, 05:05:05 AM »
Today is day 89. I went from visiting a porn site every day to almost 90 days freedom from porn. It would not have been possible without God changing my heart and I give Him the glory for that. Today I am doing laundry and grocery shopping then the rest of the day is for relaxing. I have an old Coleman iron I plan on messing around with today and I have the lantern that was my dad's lantern I plan on lighting today and tomorrow in honor of my father.

Ages 40 and up / Re: Exodus
« on: June 14, 2019, 12:28:22 AM »
I appreciate the encouragement. Sunday I wil celebrate 90 days freedom from porn and 86 days freedom from alcohol. An old girlfriend messaged me today and sent me a friend request saying she forgives me. I hope to be able to talk things over with her and gradually over a period of time possibly get back together. The timing is really amazing; 90 days freedom from porn and contact with an old girlfriend on the same weekend.

Ages 40 and up / Re: Exodus
« on: June 12, 2019, 02:13:54 AM »
Thanks for the encouragement. I am 86 days clean now.

Ages 40 and up / Re: Exodus
« on: June 11, 2019, 01:19:08 AM »
I am 85 days free from porn now. Sunday will be 90 days. Hard to believe, that went very fast. I used to get drunk every night and look at chat rooms and isolating myself. I could not have done it without God's help. Some things that also helped are my journal here and the counter on my phone. I plan on celebrating Sunday. I feel very good about myself right now.

Ages 40 and up / Re: Exodus
« on: June 09, 2019, 03:11:08 AM »
83 days clean now. I have a strong urge to look at porn this morning but I will resist. I am writing a letter to a pen pal. Later on today I will light some of my lanterns, smoke a cigar, and drink nonalcoholic beer.

Ages 40 and up / Re: Exodus
« on: June 07, 2019, 02:39:56 AM »
I am 81 days porn free now. This weekend I have to work Saturday morning, plan on working on a lantern in the afternoon and writing a letter to a pen pal.

Ages 40 and up / Re: Exodus
« on: June 02, 2019, 03:18:09 AM »
76 days clean now, 2 weeks to go. I am making a few videos today with my Coleman appliances.

Ages 40 and up / Re: Exodus
« on: June 01, 2019, 03:09:10 AM »
75 days clean now, only 15 to go. No urge to look at porn this morning. Today I am working on a couple lanterns and making a few more videos for my channel. I have some videos on the famous site but my first videos are very amateur. I am slowly getting better. Yesterday I put an app on my phone to edit video, maybe these will be better.

Ages 40 and up / Re: Exodus
« on: May 31, 2019, 01:41:58 AM »
74 days clean now, 71 with no alcohol. I have no urge to look at porn this morning, none. I am picking up two lanterns after work today and will work on them this weekend. One of them doesn't need anything it is ike new but the other will need a complete tear down probably.

Here is a before & after of a lantern I refurbished last weekend.

Ages 40 and up / Re: Exodus
« on: May 30, 2019, 05:05:28 AM »
My journal was unlocked for some reason so I am continuing with the original journal.

Ages 40 and up / Re: Exodus
« on: May 30, 2019, 05:01:22 AM »
I am close to 73 days free from porn now. I was reading some about the link between porn and mental health. Watching porn reduces the mount of pleasure I have in other areas of life thus causing things such as depression, anxiety, and social anxiety. Really amazing how much it affects me. Suicide is so frequent that it is the tenth leading cause of death in the US. Every year almost 45,000 people choose to end there life. Suicide is the second leading cause of death in people under the age of 34. I wonder how much suicide would be eliminated if we eliminated porn?

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