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Ages 20-29 / Re: Shemale Addiction
« on: September 18, 2019, 09:46:36 PM »
Day 2:

yeah I should stop watching it
I only watch one the same video to help me sleep now, that it not arousing to me (at the moment..)

but its playing with fire and I should probably stop cause I lack self control these days

I see asmr vids on the front page of youtube on my phone now and saw a vid of a girl on her bed barefeet and it would have made me relapse if I was horny
I need to clear this somehow


Not a bad day
I was sad and depressed this morning but it got better
saw a few beautiful girls and they made me feel like shit
Its really hard for me to be social for some reason
I have some darkness sucking the life outta me
I can see it in my eyes when I look in the mirror
I look like a serial killer who hasnt slept for days

I don't talk to people
I only talk here which is not really talking but still better than nothing
I can get some shit out my head atleast
some shit you just dont talk to people about
who wants to hear about depression? its depressing

I need a place where I'm forced to socialise or I'll go down the path of depression
I'm already on the path going downhill about 30 miles an hour up in this BITCH I need something to change that

yesterday I looked up shemale hookers..
I didnt even want to fuck
I was bored and curious and wanted some excitement
I need to stop doing that
its just as bad as looking up porn

no more...

*looks it up*

Ages 20-29 / Re: Shemale Addiction
« on: September 17, 2019, 03:02:49 PM »
Day 1:

feeling alright
relapsed yesterday
felt like shit about it this morning

I watch asmr videos to help me sleep
but I ended up on a pretty sexual asmr video
I thought it was ok cause its on youtube but I consider it porn since I jerked off to it pretty easily

It was a girl with a shirt with a huge hole in the back..
so she was laying on her bed and I could see her whole back and ass without panties and feet in the air...
I knew I shouldnt have watched it but now I wanna watch it again and I must not..

I know I should just stop watching asmr alltogether cause its the same thing as porn
its like I would say to myself I'll just start watching vanilla porn again and nothing too hardcore
Yeah.. ive tried that and it did not work at all

It sucks cause I actually enjoy asmr to sleep even if its not sexual
just seeing and hearing a girl speak softly and getting feminine vibes is pleasant and calming

Ages 20-29 / Re: Shemale Addiction
« on: September 15, 2019, 09:54:36 AM »
Day 8:
Sick and feeling shitty
left ear been hurting for 11 and a half months now

I'm still on the flatline and that's exactly what I need right now
when I'm gunna be on a small streak its gunna be harder for me to start watching it again

I feel depression creeping up as winter is coming
I hope I don't get as depressed as last year to the point of wanting to kill myself
If I do I'll power through that but its not fun

maybe I need to be able to live with myself before I find someone
If I need someone to be happy thats not good
and if I need porn to make me happy thats worse

This doesnt mean I wont try to find a girl
but I'm gunna try to live a good life alone

Ages 20-29 / Re: Shemale Addiction
« on: September 14, 2019, 12:03:02 PM »
It feels weird to like trannies
what do you tell your friends
oh I like dicks in my mouth but I'm not gay

but its true
I'm not gay
I don't like men
I didnt even watch porn where there was a man in the video

But its hard for people to understand
even I thought I was gay at some point and googled are you gay if you like trannies
now I have a simple definition of whats gay
Its simple, if you see an attractive man, do you want to fuck him?
If no, you're not gay

I realized a week of reflection that a huge part of the addiction for me was curiosity
now that I've been with a tranny I'm less curious about them and I'm not as prone to relapse (I think)
or I could be wrong and I'm just in a flatline right now which is most likely the case

Its been 1 week since I fucked a shemale (feels weird writing this) and I havent jacked off since
I' m gunna start the counter back on from now just for fun
this is day 7

Ages 20-29 / Re: Shemale Addiction
« on: September 13, 2019, 03:13:13 PM »
*Trigger warning*
Don't read this post if you're prone to relapses

I haven't felt the need to post in awhile
thats because my mind has been clear since last saturday

I fucked a tranny that day
It was stressfull to be honest
I didn't know what to expect
I remember the moment when I knocked on the door..
and waited... very stressfull

she opened the door (yes SHE okay)
that wasnt a man dressed in girls clothes
It was a really beautiful and feminine transgender
I was happy

she had a girly voice and really soft skin and cute little breasts and for a moment I thought the might not be a transgender after all
I would never have known if it wasnt for the cock in her panties

she sucked my cock and I busted in less than a minute
I was way too horny that day
But it kinda took a moment for me to get hard cause of the stress

I tried to get hard again but couldnt so we talked for a few minutes

I sucked her cock after that but she couldnt get hard cause of the hormones

I managed to get hard and fucked her in the ass after that
but didnt feel much

I then dressed up, looked at her amazing body one last time and we kissed eachother on the cheeks and then I left

I thought from what I've read that some people felt like commiting suicide after having fucked a tranny but it felt amazing to me

feels weird to have sucked dick but hey
if you're afraid to suck a little dick, who the fag?

Ages 20-29 / Re: Shemale Addiction
« on: September 06, 2019, 03:14:40 PM »
searched for shemale escorts yesterday
only found one thats passable and she's.. (ok he!! whatever)
is far away
looked for girls escort too and found one but didnt contact her

I relapsed on shemale porn because of that
I dont feel good about it

Ages 20-29 / Re: Shemale Addiction
« on: September 05, 2019, 09:41:59 PM »
pretty good day
had some thought about shemales once or twice during the day
I'm never gunna be able to make myself not like shemales I think
you cant undoo a fetish

I'm thinking of how to become more sensitive to my emotions again
I've learned how to hate and look mean and though and be emitionless and cold and look at people in a very angry way to scare them off

Now its time to learn to love and be sensitive
like a women...
which is way harder
cause Im not a women

being vulnerable and sensitive as a man who is used to be manly is so hard
I've had to destroy my ego and unlearned my ways to be, act and even walk

I'm not talking about becoming a women but trying to learn how to feel how women feel when I need to feel it

I want to be as approachable as one can be
I used to want to look mean and want people to  be scared of me
I listenned to death metal only and wore only black shirt eith death metal  band logos on them

I don't wear those anymore

I think the music you listen to really matches the vibe you put out
it kinda brainwashes you into the mindset

ask yourself, does the music you listen to match what you need to be in your life at this moment?

I personally listen to latino music that talk about love and shit and are kinda soft cause thats an aspect im lacking
I want people (mainly girls) to get a loving vibe when they talk to me

if this topic interest you you can go watch a vid by eliott hulse on youtube called listen to this music
its pretty interesting

Ages 20-29 / Re: Shemale Addiction
« on: September 04, 2019, 09:58:47 PM »

I just ate alot of food and I'm feeling really good
I need to eat more

also I just took a walk and made eye contact with a girl
I know its nothing but it means alot to me
she turned her head 90 degrees to look at me a looked really cute and I smiled at her

Later during that walk I had some thoughs that I think I should have focused on before and are big part of my problem with meeting women

Since I was a boy I was only around other boys and I had a pretty violent childhood, I never got along with my brothers we fought with each other everyday
I still don't talk to my little brother to this day since a few years
anyway.. I'm not gunna write a fucking novel about how hard I've had it cause I've had a good childhood and had it. better thsn most, enough with that self pity bs, I just wanted to acknowledge the fact that I've grown to ignore and suppress my emotions till I couldn't feel pain
Till I coudn't feel anything then I only felt depression, sadness, anger and isolation
I became really cold and I still am cold to this day at some. extent

Its hard to tell people's feelings when you can't even feel your own
I few times I've had girl that were in love with me and I couldn't see it, I didn't feel shit
I didn't even give fuck about them cause I was numb

I'm working on trying to feel things but not sure how
I've learned how to cry again about 3 years ago but it was really hard even when I was alone

I used to listen to death metal only also and I think it affected me in some ways
Now I listen to latino music and songs about love cause thats what I wanna spread
not hate

Who thaught the need to meet women would lead me that deep into self reflection
maybe that was one the lessons I needed to learn

anyway, I'm gunna stop boring you and go to sleep now
I just needed to write these thoughts while they were still fresh in my mind

thats enough posts for today

Ages 20-29 / Re: Shemale Addiction
« on: September 04, 2019, 08:23:42 PM »
Do you know the biggest reason I start watching porn again even though I stopped?
Its cause I always forget why I'm doing this
I mean I don't have always a clear reason so its easy to go on a dickjackathon when you don't remember why you stopped in the first place

heres my personal reasons:
1. I want to be more sensitive to real women emotionaly and sexualy
2. I want my future girlfriend to feel that I'm really attracted to her and I feel she doesn't deserve someone who watches porn
3. I don't wanna have pied
4. porn kinda makes me depressed and have a low self esteem and makes other things in life less enjoyable
5. I feel a little bit ashamed after watching porn

If you're rebooting, I strongly suggest having a list of your personal reasons to stop watching porn

Ill try to remember those if I'm close to relapsing again

Ages 20-29 / Re: Shemale Addiction
« on: September 04, 2019, 08:11:23 PM »
It was hard to focus at school today
I was doing maths and kept thinking about girls
I can't not think about girls or sex when I'm doing something boring like that

I took a nap and I got the urge to jack off and did it
I don't feel good or bad about it, it just happened
I didn't fantasize or anything and just focused on the feeling so I don't think its that bad for me

porn is the biggest issue and if I have to jerk off once in awhile to help me stay away then so be it
If I can cum easily like that then I wont have pied

Ages 20-29 / Re: Shemale Addiction
« on: September 04, 2019, 08:01:35 PM »
No prob man

Ages 20-29 / Re: Shemale Addiction
« on: September 03, 2019, 10:17:11 PM »
 If you click ''help'', thats whats written word for word:

"Posting - The whole point of a forum, posting allows users to express themselves."

do I need to say more? can't I express myself please?
If I need to use certain words to express myself, I'll use them
Dont like it? just leave!
do I go to justin bieber videos to say how much I hate him?
cause I don't need to
all i gotta do is not watch them!

if you wanna act though and ban me just to prove you have the power to do so... you can
Id rather you dont but hey
its gunna say alot more about you than it says about me

I've spent too much time on this
I'm done

If I get banned, thanks everyone for reading
I wish you good luck on your reboot
and I will join a forum that allows me to post whatever the
FUCK I want

Ages 20-29 / Re: Shemale Addiction
« on: September 03, 2019, 10:04:22 PM »
I just want to stay raw and let people have a look at exactly what goes through my mind
i posted a warning at the very begginning of the thread to let people know that

what you said kinda hurt and was very cold, negative, and unproffessional for a moderator
Ive got more views than some people with more replies so some people must relate or enjoy what I write so I dont see why I shouldnt be free to post

no one has to read what I write
most other posters really piss me off and I just dont read them
you also piss me off  but I kept my calm as you can see

try to be more kind even if youre pissed at me
dont spread negativity on me even if I have on you somehow

i truly want to get better and I use this website as a tool to let off steam and what goes on in my mind
not write a novel!

I realized I was a little cold with that girl now that I look back and I do feel bad about it

but I'm having trouble realizing that
I'm dumb when it comes to that kinda stuff
Im used to numb my emotions
I really thought I loved her...

I'm not a bad man, I'm just in a bad shape mentally

if you wanna beat down a sick man instead of lending him a hand, be my guest and ban me
but if you would just tell me calmly what you think is wrong with me I'd prefer that

I was gunna send this to you as a private message but I'll just post it on the thread

Ages 20-29 / Re: Shemale Addiction
« on: September 03, 2019, 09:05:31 PM »
That 16 yr old girl is a total bitch anyway
I never read back what I post once and sorry if porn is affecting me, thats why I'm here!
I just come here to let everything inside my mind out so those thoughts cant fuck with me

Your life must suck to have to insult people on the internet to feel better about yourself
read back what you posted and tell me, are you proud of what you've posted here? L0l
All I can see is anger, negativity and saltyness
you must not have jerked off in a very long time

your attitude towards people in general sucks so I can't believe that women it would be better

You need some serious help, if you're gunna spread negativity just leave man, I've got enough of that already

Ages 20-29 / Re: Shemale Addiction
« on: September 02, 2019, 11:10:26 PM »
Shitty depressing day
my sleep got all fucked up

didnt have any interest in watching porn
or to do anything at all
which is both good and bad

I saw the movie Once upon a time in Hollywood
didnt understand everything but was pretty funny
and had alot of feet in it cause the guy directing or producing or some shit has a foot fetish
I got really turned on during the movie and ended up looking some feet scenes when I got back home but it didnt end up in me jacking off to porn

also there was a girl next to me that kept moving her feet and I kinda got turned on by that also. I was hoping she would just remove her shoes and her socks and place them on my lap so i could play with them and suck on them..
but it didnt happen

found out later she was ugly anyway
I don't know why but when Im next to a girl and didnt look at her or its dark I always assume shes really hot

maybe thats because thats my body wants to believe but who knows

I don't even care about tits and ass right now I need a girl with a cute face and some pretty feet that likes to get her toes licked

Ages 20-29 / Re: Shemale Addiction
« on: September 01, 2019, 04:24:13 PM »
Feeling like shit
I saw a cute girl that was kissing some guy and she looked so in love with him
I got really angry and cranked up  some death metal to max volume on my headphones
I was about to hit anyone who even looked at me wrong

But now I just feel sad
this pattern used to happen to me all the time and now its the first time its done that in months and its the worst feeling
I think I might be bipolar or some shit

I've had porn flashbacks of a specific scene I watched of a girl getting fucked by a dog
she was loving it so much
I'm gunna stop writing about this before I relapse though

I just wanna jerk off till I cant feel a thing right now but I must not

Ages 20-29 / Re: Shemale Addiction
« on: August 31, 2019, 10:01:54 PM »
Also another random intersting thing
I've noticed I get boners when a cat shows me affection or when I see a cute girl even if she's like 10 yrs old and it feels weird
I'm not sexually attracted to either of these though but I feel good and get hard but its not sexual, sometimes it happens in public and it feels kinda wrong, has it happened to anyone of you before?

But I love cute girls of all ages.. I just wanna hold them tight, take care of them and kiss them so bad, I hope I'll have a daughter some day so I can do that

Ages 20-29 / Re: Shemale Addiction
« on: August 31, 2019, 09:52:19 PM »
I don't feel like watching porn
Yesterday's relapse made me fall a little behind in my reboot but I think I needed this
I'm confident I'll be able to go on another streak of no porn
I'm gunna have to stop watching sexy girls doing asmr though, this is what lead me to this without knowing it

I'm going to try and focus on fitness and getting jacked now
also getting a girlfriend
not sure if I feel like using dating sites anymore, I don't like thrm
and most attractive girls dont need this anyway so Im not sure ill find a girlfriend on there

I need a consistent place and time where I'll be in contact with women

heres my reminder if I need to look back:
1. get jacked
2. find a place to meet girls

those 2 things are my main goals right now
everything else is less important

Ages 20-29 / Re: Shemale Addiction
« on: August 31, 2019, 09:43:38 PM »
yea I've watched it before
doesn't change a thing though
I don't need a blocker or any of this shit it wont change a thing
If I want to watch porn I'll find a way anyway

I only watched porn a little cause I wanted to
And also I've been sick for more than a week now and my willpower is just weak right now
I'm just fucked in my mind these days and I'm not doing that good

I love sex man and I'm missing out on it and it sucks
If I want I can control myself and not watch it for weeks and I've done that up until now but it sucks
I do this only cause I wanna enjoy sex more
not do more productive things, I don't give a fuck about that

If I could have sex 3 times a day I probably would

Ages 20-29 / Re: Shemale Addiction
« on: August 31, 2019, 07:19:08 AM »
Pmo'd 3 times yesterday to shemale and girls fucking dogs
I just Pmo'd right now too after I said to myself I was gunma stop

I'm sick and weak right now
my room is filthy and full of kleenex from both me being sick and jacking off too much
I'm gunna take a shower and clean everything
and also my mind from porn thoughts

Its gunna be a rough weekend to stop
I have 4 days free that I don't know what to do with
I hope I don't end up relapsing again

Each time I think I'm done with porn I'm not
I'm setting a new goal of not jerking off or watch any kind of porn till next saturday at least where I'll be authorized to jerk off but not watch porn

I think my relapsed was mostly caused my asmr videos
I used them as porn for a week and then it wasnt enough for me

Ages 20-29 / Re: Shemale Addiction
« on: August 30, 2019, 06:02:04 PM »
So I checked on the internet and got a good idea (not)
I wanted to know if I was still attracted to shemales
and at first I convinced myself how they all looked like dudes and I was not attractes anymore
but then I saw a passable one and got attracted
than another one and another one...
now I'm 99,9% positive than this is a fetish that can't go away
maybe deep down I knew but I was just too curious

that what porn is too, its as much about the curiousity as the dopamine that gets you
anyway, after that I didnt jack off to that and tried to jack off to asmr but it wasnt enough anymore so I went back to it and jerked off to shemales...

I don't feel good about it but lately I'm prone to relapses
cause I've been sick and some other frustrations or maybe thats just an excuse

I will always like shemales, it is what it is and I'm not ashamed about it, I even like the fact I like it
its just so dirty
but I must not watch it
I'll try in real life with a passable trans to know if I like it

Ages 20-29 / Re: Shemale Addiction
« on: August 30, 2019, 05:49:14 PM »
Me it depends,
Sometimes I like being horny for girls sometimes not
when its a girl thats has a nice ass but not a pretty face that I wouldnt even like to be with and I'm just horny looking at her ass, its fine. It even gives me power to do more reps when I channel my sexual frustration to do more reps

But it its a cute girl that I would like to kiss and be with its different, I can get sad and depressed really quickly if I think about her

I prefer not thinking about girls too much at all you know, thats when you'll go crazy and get depressed, but its hard not to, and also if I don't think about it I won't ever get a girl probably, I need a plan for myself to be around women

Ages 20-29 / Re: Shemale Addiction
« on: August 30, 2019, 06:19:45 AM »
Yesterday I saw the girl that I wanted to fuck at work that teased me for no reason
That bitch was ugly

I got blinded by my thirst and didnt even realize how ugly she was
I would still have liked to fuck her but its no big deal. she didnt want to
I think shes mean to people cause she knows she looks like shit

I also went to gym and wasnt at all horny and almost didnt look at girls there
normally I just look at girls all the time but this time. and didnt look at girls much but noticed girls looking at me without having to look at them

I think its more attractive to them when you dont look at them cause they can just look at you without feeling uncomfortable and see you do your thing and also you dont look needy for sex

Ages 20-29 / Re: Shemale Addiction
« on: August 29, 2019, 10:36:34 AM »
I think most prostitutes are as clean as regular girls
yes they fuck with lots of people but they wear protection (most of them) and they get tested every 2 weeks or so from what I've learned

they are more attentive to it cause they don't wanna carch disease and even less spread them cause they'd be out of work or get their ass kicked by a dude who caught something one day you know

I'd say go with your gut on this one depending on what she looks like
If she looks nasty and not like the picture you can just leave
(that happened to me once)
the bitch looked pregnant and was eating general tao chicken when I arrived and I couldnt even get hard so I left lol

personally I fucked one and wore a condom and didnt caught anything as far as Im aware
I even ate her pussy and ass but she insisted really hard that I wear a condom so thats a good sign

a good tip would be to ask her if you can fuck her without a condom and if she says yes thats not a good sign

hope this was helpful, sorry for the long text

Ages 20-29 / Re: Shemale Addiction
« on: August 29, 2019, 05:59:08 AM »
Feeling pretty shitty this morning
I feel bad about relapsing yesterday
things were going well until recently
now I feel like a fucking looser

I think I'm gunna go fuck a prostitute
not sure if its gunna make me feel better or worse but I dont really give a shit
I'm tired and sick and I feel bad in my mind
I dont know what to do about how to get a girl
and its making me depressed

maybe ill just fuck prostitute till I die of some disease..
probably not tho

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