Show Posts

This section allows you to view all posts made by this member. Note that you can only see posts made in areas you currently have access to.

Messages - username is not available

Pages: [1] 2 3 ... 8
Ages 20-29 / Re: Shemale Addiction
« on: February 12, 2020, 04:23:13 PM »
Not feeling great
relapsed yesterday
I can hear my brother fucking upstairs
real nice

I swear if I ever get a girlfriend while I'm in still living in this house ill fuck the shit out of her with the door open

Valentines day is coming

I feel like doing a full blown relapse and go on a 3 hour porn binge till I cant feel shit
But I wont cause Ill feel worse after
and its gunna set me back 3 fucking months probably

Right now I need to go the fuck to sleep as soon as theyre done and stop watching any kind of girl vids thats gunna make me relapse again

feeling so fucking hopeless of finding a girl that I ain't even trying no more
has been this way for years and its not changing
I need to actively think about it

Ima try to sign up for a sport or some shit
I need alteast 2-3 outlets of place to meet girls

Ages 20-29 / Re: Shemale Addiction
« on: February 08, 2020, 06:47:22 PM »
Relapsed yesterday
Jerked off to an asmr video

I was working early so I got in bed early but ended up not falling asleep and watching asmr videos which I relapsed to

Still on a flatline, yesterday was just too much stimulation not to break it

Felt like I havent jerked off in months but its been like 2 weeks or something lol

Kinda depressed about women
But kinda numb to it too at this point
I cant really complaint though
I'm alright and its better than most people can say

I've watched alot of prison stuff on netflix these days
It helps me cope with things
To see people who didnt even get a chance in life now have to life the rest of their days in prison for something stupid
You don't realise how bad can shit get

You see everyone posting fake ass posts of how everything in their life is amazing but you dont see half of the people who got a shitty life

This is just something to keep in mind when you feel depressed or shitty
some peoples whole life are depressed and shitty and they have no power to change their circumstances
We do

Ages 20-29 / Re: Shemale Addiction
« on: January 28, 2020, 10:16:22 PM »
Back on the flat line
which is good
my dick still needs alot of healing I think

maybe me not getting a girlfriend right now is actually the best thing for me
even though it sucks
you dont ever really know whats good or bad
things that you think are bad right now can actually be good but you dont know it yet

one good thing about not having a girlfriend is youre free to travel wherever you wanna go
I'm gunna use this perk while I still can and travel pretty soon

This doesnt mean I wont try to meet women, but its just something to think about when I feel like it sucks not to have a gf

The better I feel the less I'll want to watch porn cause I feel like shit

Ages 20-29 / Re: The Road to Recovery
« on: January 26, 2020, 03:03:22 PM »
ain't a short toad indeed

Ages 20-29 / Re: Shemale Addiction
« on: January 26, 2020, 02:57:58 PM »
Today the same shit happened that I talked yesterday
I met this girl at the store last week who seemed into me and I was into her too at that time
I fantasized about her a few days through the week and how I was gunna come next week to tell her shes cute or ask her out
but when I came to see her about an hour ago she wouldnt even make eye contact with me and left
Also I felt bad cause she looked 15 and wasnt even attractive to me at all, I felt digusted that I would even think of getting with her
what the fuck
I cant trust myself


Ages 20-29 / Re: Shemale Addiction
« on: January 25, 2020, 01:48:17 PM »
havent relapsed in about a week
almost did yesterday but I said to myself if I'm not horny enough to jerk off in less than a min without porn than I dont need a release

checked shemales escort ads yesterday out of habbit
its been a while since I checked them and I dont know why I needed to
I didnt get any pleasure out of it and it seems the shemale fetish is still at bay
I'm feeling good about that

Feeling sexually frustrated right now
My feelings and attraction towards women are back to normal
I can feel it in my whole body sometimes

I just went to the gym and saw some beautiful girls who got me really frustrated sexually
I feel attracted to way more women than I was before
I'm way less picky

But everytime I see a girl I like I think shes the one for me and were gunna fall in love and shes perfect but its just a fantasy
I create in my head

It even happened when the girl was very ugly

I'm asking myself if being too horny is bad for relationship cause it blinds you

makes me think about a joe rogan podcast where he say you need to jerk off before a date
cause otherwise you dont know if you actually like the girl or youre horny
its impossible for me to tell the difference

Hey man, sucks that you relapsed that bad
might have a few tips you can try out if you want:

-dont go on social media/facebook/instagram/snapchat/tinder
-try to minimise damage when you relapse by fapping as quick as possible
the longer you edge and the more stimulating the porn is the worse the damage
The biggest thing you need to keep going is to see progress
if you can bring down you porn sessions even to an hour its gunna motivate you and you'll feel better

also youre right you need to eliminate every sexual stimulation
some things I thought were ok like tinder and asmr videos made me relapse alot
even a picture of a girl on amazon can fuck you up

Can also relate that you dont feel like you want to talk to girls and stuff like that
I feel the same way and its even worse when you arent even attracted to them
I'm sure this will change when you use porn less
porn fucks your mind on many levels

also if you need release from anger try listenning to metal, it helps
stay strong my friend
this challenge will make you stronger

Ages 20-29 / Re: Shemale Addiction
« on: January 21, 2020, 12:17:50 AM »
Yeah I'm almost never think about porn or sex since since I'm on a flatline
I don't ever consider myself as rebooting right now
Not even sure what I'm doing
but I'm making progress and my porn use has really decreased more and more as time go

Baby steps are the key to rebooting
at least for me

Flatline sucks but its the best at the same time cause its free porn-free days and its a sign you're healing (in most cases)

thanks for commenting
good luck to you too

Ages 20-29 / Re: Shemale Addiction
« on: January 19, 2020, 02:22:01 PM »
Feeling kinda shitty
saw a pretty girl at the store
I could tell she liked me (I think)
She was smiling alot and very open
She dropped the machine to pay by card

I don't know what to do in those kinds of situations
I don't wanna sound fake and compliment her hair or some bullshit that will lead to nothing
But I also wanna show that I like her

I always end up going back to my car feeling like total fucking shit

I used to litterally wanna kill myself when that happened
I felt that bad
Now I think I got used to it a bit more

I used to watch pickup videos and try to pickup girl at the mall but it lead to nothing
I went to the mall just for that at least 60 times and always ended up screaming and my car
then later crying like a little bitch
I stopped doing that awhile back

Next time I go to the store I'll try to make small talk
even though its hard for me I'll force myself to do my best without being boring
I'll ask if they're looking to hire people there (yes its a little creepy but idc)
also I don't know her age so that may be a problem
she looks like she could be 16 or 20 I'm not good with guessing age
I'm not a pedophile I just like small 100 pounds cute girl no matter if they are 16 or 30


Had a dream where I was fucking a shemale last night
doing some frottage (dont google this if you dont know what it is)
I think my mind is trying to get me back into shemale stuff but I wont
I'm fucking done with this man I want a girl

Havent been horny for awhile except the last 3 days I jerked off twice
but I was brief and to girls kissing on youtube so at least its soft, non-shemale stuff
This is progress for me

Other than that I haven't had anything to share lately so thats why I didnt post

I think talking about not watching porn still puts porn on your mind so thats a negative of this forum
But I still think this forum is a must for recovery
at least it is for me
but it should be used wisely

I'm not on a official reboot right now but watch stuff very rarely so I'm kinda going with the flow
Flatlining alot so I'm just trying to regain my sex drive

Hey man, I read your first post and I'm happy to see I'm not the only one who feels like that. The only difference is I actually don't have many goals and I'm more depressed than happy but still I don't feel like connecting with people at all especially my family. I avoid them and dont make eye contact. I'm 22 and not technically a virgin but only had sex with hookers so thats even worse I think.
gl with your mission

Ages 20-29 / Re: Shemale Addiction
« on: January 03, 2020, 05:47:09 PM »
Relapsed yesterday
I typed big booty judy on youtube looking for the song and ended up... yeah you know, girl, big tiddies, doing stretches, ends up MO on cam

Last time I jerked off before that was the day after I fucked a tranny like on dec 10 or some shit

sure the beginning of the decade is kinda fucked if I wanted to do a streak but I still did like 20 days porn free

Also I ended up watching actual girls not some trannys so thats good
I didnt edge and busted in less than 2 mins so the damage is not the worst

I still feel like somethings wrong with my cock
20 days without being horny is weird

I feel l need a challenge in my life
things are fucking boring
If you could die of boredom id sure be dead

As soon as I figure out I'm in the right place job-wise I'll get my own place
And start being a strong, independant black woman who DON'T NEED NO MAN      L00l
Should probably stack up some cash first tho

Ages 20-29 / Re: Shemale Addiction
« on: December 29, 2019, 11:07:36 PM »
Still flatlining
Sex drive is pretty much non-existant so I'm not even thinking about sex at all
That shemale stuff fucked my brain a bit and set me back but I think it was a necessary step in the evolution of whatever the fucks happening

Now I think I'm ready to leave all that behind, at least I want to

Had a dream about kissing a girl and it felt pretty good
I feel like I naturally want a women more than an tranny now its not like I'm pushing myself to want girls instead of trans

I thought about fucking a mistress (domination type shit) a couple weeks ago when I found out I was into that type of shit but I wont do that

Trannys I can say to myself its ok since I most likely wont ever find one in real life to fuck so its ok but women I'm supposed to have this shit handled and to me its just sad if I have to pay for that
Even for sex in general

But maybe ill pull up to the sex dungeon if I get super sad and depressed cause I cant find any women

I'll get a job on the weekends real soon so I'll have more opportunities at least
But I'm lazy with looking for jobs
I need a big slap in the fucking face and my parents to kick me out the house please

Ages 20-29 / Re: Shemale Addiction
« on: December 25, 2019, 11:18:59 PM »
Pretty shitty day
havent felt that depressed in a really long time
didnt even eat diner or see my family at all
been feeling sick also so that doesnt help
tomorrow will be better

Finally fucked another shemale about 2 weeks ago
A fully functional one this time
She was asian and looked very passable
I did pretty much everything with the the ts (yeah that too lol, it kinda hurt but I enjoyed it)
I didn't remember how much stress it gives you before you go and fuck one, its really hard to explain
I wrote a list of all the symptoms on my phone but I broke it today (again)
but it looks like that:
-light headache
-loss of appetite
-loss of hornyness
-obessive thinking
-elevated heart beat

It was hard to get hard at first cause I was really stressed but I managed to perform

Now that I've done this I haven't really checked that much ts ads except once or twice out of habbit or curiosity but I don't actually plan to fuck another tranny in the near future

I watched porn only 2 or 3 times since then which is better than porn ads everyday but still not optimal
I even watched non-tranny porn which felt weird

I felt disgusted with myself watching tranny porn the night before so I tested out if regular porn would do the same thing and it didn't

From now, like I said, I'm done with shemale porn and shemales in general for as long as I can
I can't keep doing this

Also fuck porn in general but when I'm this low mentally its hard to avoid sometimes cause I don't give a shit anymore
But a good thing is I feel so sick and shitty these days that I'm not even horny at all

2020 is a new fucking era, I'll try to start fresh, get a new job, and maybe some pussy with extra cum on the side
Props to everyone who's done no porn till christmas or whatever you guys are doing
And for those like me who didn't do shit you can start fresh in a couple days so its ok
merry. fucking. christmas.

Ages 20-29 / Re: Shemale Addiction
« on: December 10, 2019, 09:10:41 PM »
Just opened up my computer for the first time in awhile (weeks)
I was only using my cellphone for everything but an hour ago I bent it really hard cause I was really pissed
It started burning and now it smells like shit in the house

I'm not even mad

I feel depression creeping up on me
Its hard to say if I'm depressed or just really bored
I think its both
I feel like a limp dick

Not sure if looking at escort ads like an addict may be the cause of that cause I think its just as bad as porn to be honest
All that bottled up anger might be also feeding the depression
keeping feelings inside make you depressed
the opposite of depression is expression it seems
But I never let any anger out except when I cant keep it in anymore

I wrote a whole paragraph but deleted it cause fuck it
I don't wanna think anymore it just fucks me up more
I never get any answers to the questions I ask myself

Thinking just makes things worse
I need to do more stuff instead

Ages 20-29 / Re: Shemale Addiction
« on: December 08, 2019, 10:49:49 PM »

I'm happy with the fact that I dont even think about or want to watch porn vids
sure I look a shemale ads and sometime end up jacking off to them but its way less harmfull than porn cause theres not even nudity most of the time

this is progress for me even though some people might not look at it this way
I dont feel like I'm at square one at all
seeking out real shemale is the way to go right now cause I think its whats keeping me from going ape shit with porn


Some of you guys reading might have trouble understanding or find that fucked up that straight guys wanna fuck shemales

If you wanna know, this is how the evolution of shemale attraction happened for me:
first I got into futanari, some animated girls with cock (hantai type shit)
then real girls with fake dicks (still women so its ok)
then real girl with dicks ( didnt know it was actually dudes with tits)

after awhile I realized there wasnt actually any girl with dicks and it was all males and I was disgusted

but it didnt stop me from watching it and after years and it became normal and I got used to it
I used to type t-girls on google instead of shemales cause I thought they t-girls were actually girls
but now I could type crossdresser and find a passable pic and jerk off to it and its pretty normal

I used to tell myself I would never actually fuck a shemale in real life cause it would make me gay or some shit but now I dont care about what it means I just do what I want

anyway you cant become gay as far as im aware of, youre either gay or youre not
with the amount of fucked up shit I watched Im sure if it was possible to become gay It would have already happened to me lol

Ages 20-29 / Re: Shemale Addiction
« on: December 01, 2019, 01:38:54 PM »
Day 2:

feels good to be porn free even if its just a day
I'll try to forget shemales for as long as possible and keep myself pmo free

I wont get a job a starbucks just to try and meet women
I'm sure I can get less shitty job and stay true to myself while meeting women too
A better job means probably older women more my age rather then 16 yrs old sluts
I'm thinking a legit restaurant thats not fast food

If I just talk to women daily I'm sure pmo'ing would be less tempting
cause right now things are fucking dead and I have no hope of meeting any women ever if I keep going on like this

I've been saying the same shit over and over in my head for years
always the same thoughts and nothing comes out of it
just a pure fucking waste of time
making me more and more depressed each time I think about it

Ages 20-29 / Re: Shemale Addiction
« on: November 29, 2019, 08:31:08 PM »
I havent found any shemale escorts
I've become addicted to looking up ads
I do it twice a day
It made me fall back into porn and my addiction is getting worse

I didn't even want to acknownledge this so I could act like everything is fine

I need slap myself and get a job now so I can meet women
I keep thinking about it but dont do shit
cause im scared to go work at starbucks
I'm kinda disgusted by this place
its like too fake and trendy and only girls and soy boys work there  (at least thats my thoughts of it, I may be wrong)
my ego hurts thinking about it lol

but fuck, there lots of girls so I must try alteast
and I hear Elliott Hulse saying " do the shit youre scared of"
in the back of my head

I'm going to go get a coffee there and see if its bad
i might check out other coffee spots too

Ages 20-29 / Re: Shemale Addiction
« on: November 29, 2019, 08:05:43 PM »
she is 16 or 17 and the legal age is 16
I cant imagine sleeping with a 14 yr old that would be fucked up
even under 18 should be illegal cause girls that age are so immature 

Usually I wouldnt even think about sleeping with girls that age but when you have no other option its hard not to

like they say, a hard dick knows no conscience

and I didnt even think about what people would think if I slept with a 16 yr old, I was on nofap at that time for the first month and I was acting out of pure animal instinct without any afterthoughts

and shes not a poor little innocent normal 16 yr old shes the biggest slut and she dresses like it, tight yoga pants, showing off her tits and talking about sex all the time...

I have SOME self control but damn

But oh well its no big loss she was pretty ugly, immature and now I realize kinda of a fucked up bitch even though we got along pretty good

I was listenning to the song dead & gone by TI this morning and in the intro they say something like

  what matters more than the mistakes you made is what you've been able to learn from them

well I've hopefully learned not to fuck with immature underaged girls
at least be more careful... and act less needy
cause im not saying i wont fuck one if I get the chance cause im dumb, horny and a stubborn mothafucka

Ages 20-29 / Re: Shemale Addiction
« on: November 26, 2019, 07:36:55 PM »
Alright, just got prank call and fell for it
I'm dumb
it was that bitch

I forgot she was like 16 and why you shouldnt fuck with girls this age

Thats what happens when you only think with your dick
Im so fucking stupid
and I deserve it
This is a good learning experience

I'm way too thirsty..

In situations like this I only hear what I wanna hear you know
its like I don't wanna ever assume its bs even if the odds are 99 against one

I knew this couldnt be real but my dick made it possible

also she called when my dick was hard... like she fucking knew..

Im fucking done man
Ill either get a real girlfriend my age thats serious or jerk off and fuck trannies till I die
I wont settle for immature 16 year old bitches to get my dick sucked... at least I shouldnt..

well fuck boys
another lesson learned
or the same fucking lesson I didnt learn in the begginning
Its starting to get imprinted in my dumb ass brain now...

Ages 20-29 / Re: Shemale Addiction
« on: November 26, 2019, 06:46:18 PM »
Just woke up from a nap
I was checking escort ads and I received a call
almost denied the call cause it was a number from another region
I picked up and it was a girl and she was like whats up?

I didnt quite recognize her and she was like do you remember me?
it was the girl that I used to work with...
she wanted to see me or do something
right now

what the fuck
women are fucked up

I didn't say no but I got her number back cause she called me and I don't know what to do
I'm in shock and will process this

she was playing games last time we spoke or was mad that I didnt really love her or some shit
didnt even know if she liked me but I know we got along well and she talked about sex with me all the time and let me slap her ass with a spatula once Lol...

what does she want? to fuck me or fuck with me?

Ages 20-29 / Re: Shemale Addiction
« on: November 24, 2019, 07:09:47 PM »
I've been sick
doing pretty good though
I thought my mind was sick so Im kinda relieved

Ive been way more horny this last month since I stopped training
when I fucked up my tricep last month I realized my whole body was overtrained
one side effect of overtraining is loss of sexual appetite or however you wanna call it
so if youre training too much and have PIED, consider slowing down to see if youre state improoves

ill begin a new training routine not exceeding 14 sets per workout and not going to failure, thats training advice from the hodgetwins


other than that, still jacking off sometimes
most of the time when I check ads
but usually not when looking at pics
and I do it very quickly

I know this is not optimal but I atleast I dont edge and watch porn for 1 hour + like I used to do

Ages 20-29 / Re: Shemale Addiction
« on: November 21, 2019, 10:43:29 PM »
Feeling shitty
my mind and body are fucked up
I jerked off twice in a row to shemales 2 days ago and it was a good move cause it left me fucking disgusted with myself
now I dont feel like watching porn at all

I found an attractive trans but I'm so fucked up Im really not in the mood for anything
bad timing

hope tomorrow will be better

Ages 20-29 / Re: Shemale Addiction
« on: November 19, 2019, 10:20:58 PM »
No luck finding shemales
contacted one yesterday but didnt respond
she got over 4000 views on her ad in 2 days
thats crazy

I cant believe how many people are seeking them out
ended up jerking off twice, once to tranny porn..
yes I know its bad
I know I should stop

Dont even know what changed to make me not give a shit

I have an idea that might explain it
I've been overtraining for awhile and my body was strugguling to recover and I think thats why I wasnt horny very much
its like when youre sick you dont wanna jack off that much cause your body is busy with something else
same shit might apply

since I stopped training to fully recover thats when I lost it
training is my number one addiction and its hard to cope when im not going to the gym and have all that extra free time
I replaced a good addiction with a bad one

hopefully when I start training again next week Ill stop fucking up and move in a good direction again with my life


I don't post much anymore cause I'm fucking up right now
I was doing good and now everything went to shit and I aint even the least bit upset which is even more fucked

at least the shame of having to post this might help me a bit to get better even though its not much
when sucking tranny dick has become everyday talk I dont really know how to be ashamed of stuff lol

Ages 20-29 / Re: Shemale Addiction
« on: November 18, 2019, 02:06:09 AM »
Made it to two days then relapsed again and again

I keep looking up shemale escort ads all the time
I always end up jacking off

Im obsessed with trying to find a trans to fuck
hopefully I find a passable one soon
but I don't know what will happen after
will I be able to move on and focus on girls now that I fulfilled my fantasy or am I gunna crave more?
last time I felt good and I didnt crave more also I didnt jerk off for a week after

I kinda like this fucked up fetish but its a love/hate relationship
I wouldnt want to get rid of it but at the same time it kinda fucks me up from getting in a relationship (I think)

I'm not sure what to do right now
I cant help myself from thinking about shemales
not sure if its cause Im bored, feeling sick or my mind is just at another place right now
usually it aint like this

I'm kinda lost and blinded
dont know what I want anymore
except feed the addiction
thats one of the reason its hard for me to do anything about it

Ages 20-29 / Re: Shemale Addiction
« on: November 13, 2019, 02:34:31 PM »
only day I didnt relapse was yesterday

I'm so dumb

I actually thought I was done with porn for real this time
but here we are again
fucking day 0

ofcourse I'm gunna relapse if I'm feeling hopeless with meeting women
I dont give a shit if I have pied if I never fuck anyone

I dont know whats going on inside my head
42 days was not that hard now 1 day seems impossible

I need to start rebooting seriously again before I loose all the progress I made if its not already too late

Pages: [1] 2 3 ... 8