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Messages - bumblerino

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1
Porn Induced Erectile Dysfunction/Delayed Ejaculation / Relapses
« on: May 11, 2015, 02:42:45 AM »
I previously set up a whole rebooting thread for myself but have been encountering problems lately. I seem to keep going back to cam sites. There can be a break of 1/2/3 weeks in between with no PMO whatsoever but I always end up going back to it.

Things were going well with the reboot initially, I managed to go for months without. When I go back to the cam sites now I don't have a particular strong urge but I seem to make the decision and follow through. Seems to be related to the hypofrontality theory. I don't use porn videos so I think I'm just craving emotional/physical contact with a lady as opposed to craving porn.

Is there any help out there to help stop me using cam sites? I've tried blocking software months ago but I ended up just disabling it. Perhaps there are self help discussion groups? So maybe I could just go there whenever I feel the urge.

2
Yes I agree - quit porn forever is definitely a goal which I believe I'm close to winning but that wasn't really my question.

My point was that my months off of porn don't seem to be having much of an effect on my erectile dysfunction. I'm generally slightly happier off of porn but in all honesty I've not seen the massive mental changes which so many here seem to talk about.

I do have odd sleeping habits and I don't exercise, however I'm a normal weight and I don't drink, smoke or take any drugs. Yes I've heard that lack of sleep and exercise may be causes so I guess they are my next step, but with my ED not really having improved I have to say I'm just plain unhopeful.

3
Every couple of months or so I turn back to porn for about a couple of hours and then be back off of it completely for a couple of months and so the cycle continues. So things aren't nearly as bad as before when I was using porn several times a week. I think the issues is notn having a partner so in craving emotional attachment my brain turns to PMO to compensate.

The thing is, I've been going through this for around 9 months now I think and I've not really seen improvement. Granted in those months I have amassed a grand total of a handful of hours of P, but even so most of the time there has been zero P and zero MO. So I was kind of hoping to notice some improvement.

It's not like I'm expecting miracles and to suddenly discover a sustained hard erection, but I . The only difference generally is morning wood a few times a week, although even those seem to be decreasing in frequency now. But my erections still don't last, I may experience better quality hardness but for a very limited time.

So does anyone have any hope for me? Out of desperation I was thinking of taking L-Argenine or something. I tend to go to bed very late (2/3 am) and tend to always be over tired when I wake up. Could my sleep patterns have something to do with this?

4
I was due to see a tantric massage therapist today. She's a genuine therapist and the aim is definitely not about a "happy ending", it's more counselling based. She knows of my reboot condition. I guess the idea of tantra triggered it as it can't have been anything else.

In the end it was a full relapse unfortunately. One disconcerting thing happened - hardness was fluctuating which is still demoralising. But the worse part was that I came very easily and quickly, yet I barely touched the thing. What's happening? I seem to be developing additional problems, not shedding them.


5
So I did have a relapse just now in that I was on a cam site. I eventually left the site without any M or O. So what does this mean? Would people count this as a full relapse? I'm guessing yes, but does it at least show that I'm beginning to regain some control the fact that i didn't MO? Or is that wishful thinking?

I understand that a relapse isn't a back to square zero kind of thing but it does set back my recovery so not great but all i can do is carry on though.

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Porn Induced Erectile Dysfunction/Delayed Ejaculation / Re: In trouble
« on: December 27, 2014, 08:44:10 PM »
Well there you go. For those of you who read my first post in this thread, I told her just now that I couldn't go through with it. Predictably, her immediate response was to delete her contact details - of course I did that immediately and happily. But it just goes to show she was interested in one thing and it wasn't me. What beggars belief is I helped her out a bit last month - sent some money (no not 3k - just a bit). So her angry reaction means she'll not get a dime from me again - surely a shrewd cam girl would have strung me along for as long as possible?

Yes, a gentleman shouldn't be using a cam service in the first place. But for those who find it extremely difficult to find a companion, this is often a desperate last resort. And women like this are fully aware of this and will treat the guys as prey and it's a shame that she can just get away with it. Is money really worth that much to them? I'm not even mad at her - just at myself for nearly going down this route again. The scary part is how I can sometimes lose total control like this - possibly down to the hypofrontality principle? Luckily I pulled it back this time but who knows if there will be a next time.

7
Thanks OSS, that's reassuring to know and the symptoms seem consistent with rebooting.

One never thinks of it but when you change your behaviour suddenly, the brain is re-wiring neural paths. And of course when it does that, it is inevitable that you'll notice behavioural changes. I imagine that some connections are temporarily turned on/off while the adjustments take place.

Thinking of it that way means it's impossible not to temporarily feel worse before getting better, I'm clearly still at the re-wiring stage - the hard part is not knowing for how long. I just hope the reboot really is the only thing causing this because right now I feel a bit like an old man and, although I'm no spring chicken, I didn't expect to feel like this at the age of 36.

8
I've been rebooting for a few months now and I have to say I'm not feeling any of the benefits people on here are talking about - like more energy, less socially awkward, more interest in women. The only difference I notice is I'm no longer staring at women like I used to. The only differences are negative - fatigue, occasionally become tearful for no reason.

I'm 36 so when I was in my teens high speed internet hadn't taken off yet. However, when I was 14+ instead of using the web I would order video tapes - which is obviously the same as having high speed internet. By the time I was 18 I probably had a collection of 20 tapes - I'm sure family knew about it but were to embarrassed to mention it. Thankfully I binned them around the age of 18.

So perhaps my situation is more similar to Gabe's and all you guys who have been on the high speed porn since your teens? So with that in mind perhaps my re-wiring is going to take much more time than I thought. Do you think my brain is on a long flat line while it mends itself?

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Porn Induced Erectile Dysfunction/Delayed Ejaculation / Re: In trouble
« on: December 26, 2014, 08:16:03 AM »
Thanks for your responses all. I agree with you "Poker" - like you I have visited professionals in the past and it does leave you feeling more empty. I guess I've built up an infatuation with this particular person and I have just been curious to experience her.

And I think you're right too "Fappy" - she's earning a thousand per week just doing the webcam job so she can't be short of cash. And even if she hasn't met any other guys in person like this - she doesn't know me so why is she so ready to earn this 3k? I could be a psycho for all she knows. I guess to be fair to her, jobs don't pay well where she is based so I can half understand the webcam job.

I won't be rude about it, but I'll tell her it's off. She'll never speak to me again afterwards as I've done the same thing once before but I don't suppose that's any loss for either of us.

It's interesting how the very next day my brain is able to start rationalising better. Clearly some of the neural pathways in my brain are still in a tangle so I'm still unsure as to whether the reboot is working.

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Porn Induced Erectile Dysfunction/Delayed Ejaculation / In trouble
« on: December 25, 2014, 08:01:00 PM »
Guys, I'm in trouble.

I started my reboot just over a few months ago and I haven't watched porn since. Back when I used to watch I used to have cam shows with one particular woman. In this whole time I haven't had any form of intimacy with anyone as I find it difficult to socialise with people let alone meet women.

About a week ago we started chatting again - just normal chats via Skype (no provocative language). I mentioned the possibility of us meeting and she has said that she would meet for a weekend for 3k. Now I know full well that she just needs the money. Other than trusting me enough to meet me there's no other feelings at her end.

At this stage I'm finding it impossible to resist going. Partly because of my general lack of intimacy but also because this is a woman who I have a soft spot for and is some one I have fantasised about. I did try to set up a meeting with her before my reboot and resisted but this time I don't seem able to decide against it - my brain is just saying "do it".

She knows about my ED issues and that i'm rebooting but again - as long as she gets the money it's obviously not an issue for her. She didn't say that but that's how I read the situation. I've not paid her yet but right now I can't stop myself going through with it.

11
It sounds like we are at similar stages qrayz. Unfortunately, I tested again last night with a lady. And once again I climaxed within a minute and it was perhaps 50% erect.

I think I'm passing through a rock bottom phase - and I hope it's a phase. My natural motivation now is to totally abstain for a long time - total celibacy, I can't see any other route. It's a shame it's a bit late for me as I'm 36 which means my chances now of having a family are slim to none. Assuming I even recover, I'll be approaching 40. It feels like I've not healed at all at the moment.

My mindset seems to have shifted in the last couple of days. If you injure your leg, your body naturally tells you to stop using it for a while. And I think my brain is doing the same here, it's pointing me towards shutting down anything sexual while repairs are carried out in the brain. It's very difficult to know for sure, because there is no physical injury. But if this PIED is really what I have, the theory says my brain has physically changed and needs to transform itself back. The thing is I very rarely think of the porn I used to watch and I don't miss it.

The general plan is obviously continue to avoid P - already finished with that part months ago. But also stop all M and O indefinitely. Just work, exercise and go for a few hobbies. The way I see it, if I devote my time to other things at least I'm not wasting it worrying about my penis. Yes it feels like a part of my manhood and identity has disappeared and it may never come back, but it doesn't necessarily have to define me. Being alive and otherwise healthy is something to be happy about. Perhaps I'm just done mourning the loss of part of me?


The improvements for me since I gave up porn are mostly erect penis during masturbation and occasional semi during sex (without pills) with consistent morning wood. Great progress but just not good enough. That's why I'm doing my best to go hard mode to press the fast forward button on progress. I've got to keep faith as I, like a lot of guys here, want a fulfilling sexual relationship. Not sure if this helps.

12
Thanks Peachy, I think you're right and we do seem to have the same symptoms. When I started my reboot I too couldn't even get myself hard with masturbation - that seems to have changed now.

What makes my episode yesterday more confusing is a couple of hours after the brief sex I got hard and remained that way for 10+ minutes while I MO'd (I know I shouldn't have done this but I needed to test it for my piece of mind).

Your semi experience matches mine exactly, is it something that will resolve itself? I can't understand why it's happening as I seem to be reasonably ok when M-ing, although I have to say when I do M these days it is always soft and slow - could be why i lasted longer. But I can't explain why I was much harder just 2 hours later when I was on my own and penis seemed to return to normal functionality.

I will keep this going, but for now it doesn't seem like I've made progress when in the company of a lady (and possibly worse). It's not like I felt anxious at the time, it just wasn't happening.

13
So in a nutshell, I started my reboot a few months ago with no relapses in to porn but have MO'd (without death grip) about once a month.

Fast forward to today, I attempted to have sex. The foreplay was fine, however I was barely semi hard. Nonetheless I managed to penetrate but lasted all of one minute - probably a bit less than that - before climaxing.

So my issue around erectile dysfunction doesn't seem to have improved and now I last even less time than I used to. So I seem to be going in the wrong direction.

Don't get me wrong - I don't miss porn and totally see why it's mentally unhealthy. And I was certainly not expecting miracles out of the reboot, but no progress is demoralising. In fact I would even say movement in the wrong direction...

The times I MO'd I felt hard and I do get morning wood almost every day (I had none before reboot). Has anyone gone through this? Am I just "flatlining"? Perhaps my PIED is more severe than I had imagined? What does all this mean?

14
I started my reboot a couple of months ago and, while I have stayed away from porn without much of a fuss, I still don't feel as though my neural paths have changed. On an increasing basis I've found that my thoughts have started swaying towards sex again (not porn). I've been single for a long time and I feel that's a definite disadvantage for recovery.

Thinking over the last few days, surely it's normal for a guy to think about sex once or twice a day.

Whilst I've managed to stop leering at women, if I happen to suddenly and unavoidably catch a glimpse of some one stunning, it's already too late - the thoughts are there, even if just for a split second. I still look away quickly if that happens, but it's left me feeling that I'm not recovering.

This will sound terrible but yesterday I was browsing for paid for sex. I know this would be a major relapse, but it's the physical connection that I really miss. And I think this is purely down to being single for so long on top of the reboot. I think both of these things together is too much for what my male brain is innately designed to do. I'm not saying we're designed to be nymphomaniacs, but we are designed to want and need some sort of connection on a fairly regular basis - without that the human race would be in trouble.

So how do I get over an innate characteristic? It's impossible to switch it off, and anyway why would one want to? It feels to me like this reboot business is definitely the right way to go, but I feel that there are a few things missing from the path to recovery. Perhaps more research is needed in this area? I'm hoping scientists begin to do this as they accept it as a real condition. Has it been accepted yet I wonder?

15
I'm sure I've seen this posted here before but couldn't find it. I'm going through a bit of a tough phase. 5 weeks with no P but have MO'd a few times in that period. I know the reboot means abstaining completely for a few months - I'm working on that. With the MO I have done I have completely avoided P and avoided the death grip - I've just been using light massage. I think I'm in the midst of a flat line because my mood is a bit off, but strangely at work I'm more productive.

The issue I wanted to talk about is on two occasions of this MO, I stood up to test whether it would stay up. Both times I completely lost my erection. When I went back to the seated position, I managed to regain a 70/80% erection and finish off with light massage. But can anyone explain why the loss of erection when standing? The bizarre thing for me is back when I was frequently PMO-ing, I often used to stand up for the MO. Why the change?

One other question was around re-wiring. I am single and have always had trouble meeting women. So as a singleton I'm not sure how I can go about wiring my brain to real life experiences. I know that not doing anything means I'll just hit a wall. I've been thinking about going for some tantric/sensual massage just to have real experience but to move the focus away from orgasm and towards sensual touch. The people I've been in touch with seem to think it will help with rewiring.

One side comment is the sensation at O is more intense - the only thing I can liken it to is the feeling I had when I first experienced O. I think that's a result of it taking longer to climax and generally being more relaxed about it. This is going to sound really weird to some but another thing I noticed is that I found myself liking/respecting my penis - I've never really experienced that before. I'm not sure if anyone else has had the same?

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Porn Induced Erectile Dysfunction/Delayed Ejaculation / Re: Morning wood
« on: September 11, 2014, 05:24:01 PM »
Just jumping on the back of this thread - pretty much as soon as I stopped PMO, morning wood came back every day. But now they seem to have become less frequent - every few days maybe. Is that a sign of flat line? My other theory is the initial morning wood was down to the fact that I'd stopped pmo so there was some residual arousal going on and now that's run out of steam. What do people think? Has anyone else had a similar thing?

17
It's weird - I know I shouldn't do this during a reboot. But today I just tried light touching (without O) and it was around 80% for around 10 minutes which I've not experienced in a long time. So maybe the reboot is working. I'm still struggling to elimitinate sexual thought throughout the day - I'm just hoping that it subsides.

I still think I'm setting myself up for another fall by going cold turkey. I might have to employ a softer entry in to reboot to help prevent relapse.

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Thanks chaps, very helpful as ever.

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Having just relapsed after 2 weeks of my first ever reboot attempt, I'm not being hard on myself - however I am feeling disappointed and disillusioned. Disappointed in that I relapsed and disillusioned because I'm left wondering whether this is going to work.

My relapse consisted of a cam 2 cam session with a specific person who pushes my buttons. Not only did I not notice any improvement but I was actually worse. I started M and got hard briefly but it quickly went. In addition to that I had the sensation to climax very early on - like after 2 minutes.

So I've resumed my reboot today - avoiding sexual thought and ogling - but the relapse experience has got me worried. I wasn't expecting miracles, but I really wasn't expecting to get worse! So I'm now in a position where not only in real life do I have ED but I can't get it up with porn either... Advice anyone?

On the plus side - I didn't hop between various porn sites or cams - it was just her and me on skype. I know it's still bad but at least it was limited to one person.

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Porn Induced Erectile Dysfunction/Delayed Ejaculation / Relapse
« on: August 28, 2014, 08:26:36 PM »
Ok, so I relapsed. Just as I hit the two week mark. To be honest, a lot of it was down to wanting to test for any improvements. Just for your reference, I personally did not noticed any improvement at all. This may sound like a cop out, but even though I'm back at day zero for now I'm leaving my counter as is just to keep up morale. I'll take the 2 weeks off later on but right now, I don't want to see a zero on top of the downer of the relapse.

In a way I always knew this would happen what with going cold turkey for the first time since I started fapping 20 years ago. Tomorrow I'll continue the reboot as though nothing happened.

PS: - I know it differs for everyone, but does anyone know when one should start to notice improvements with maintaining the erection? To be honest, in my relapse just now, the problem was actually worse than before I started the reboot - just couldn't keep it up at all. (Is that flatline?) However, my MW came back every morning soon after starting the reboot - v strange.

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Ah, now I get you. I guess in that case it's normal for people who are rebooting. I think I read somewhere that when you first start rebooting there can be an excess production of semen due to the previous habit and it takes a while for the body to adjust. I think eventually the body naturally starts to reabsorb it. Don't quote me on that though.

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Ages 20-29 / Re: Time To Get My Life Back
« on: August 28, 2014, 12:35:18 PM »
Iv'e managed to go 94 days on hard mode - no porn,masturbation,orgasm or sex. Depression,Anxiety,Social awkwardness/confidence,sleep,skin improved - and i generally just felt better. I experienced crazy withdrawals that lasted up until around day 85

Hi Aussie_Rebooter and Everyone, I'm 2 weeks in to my first reboot and I haven't yet noticed the positive effects - specifically with confidence and social awkwardness. Does anyone have an idea of when one would typically start noticing improvements? I appreciate I'm not far in to the reboot but not sure I've noticed anything different. One thing I have noticed is the mental withdrawal - urges to go back to PMO. Thankfully I've so far managed to ignore them. I'd say I started using online porn whenever broadband became available - around 10 years. Before that I used video tapes since the age of 18. Before that it was just normal MO without P since 12/13.

Also you mentioned noticing women checking you out more - again I've not seen evidence of this with me. Before my reboot I used to ogle a lot and I cut that out as soon as I started the reboot (very tough first week). It's not that I have a goal of wanting to be checked out, but it would be a sign of improvement I suppose. Is this something I can expect to notice further down the line?

23
I've noticed the same thing and I'm just about 2 weeks in to my reboot. I don't understand why this should be considered a bad thing, I think it's natural and arguably unavoidable.
I've found that it's there even if I haven't fantasized that day. When I do fantasize these days I tend to cut it off while I'm rebooting. That said, like you, they are real life fantasies as opposed to P related.

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Had a conversation with a potential date just now. I wonder if it's a coincidence that after starting my reboot just under 2 weeks ago I've registered with a dating site and had a phone call - it might be. I know that might not seem like much to people but historically I've struggled to find dates.

To be honest I'm not even that bothered whether we meet or not, just happy to have had a one hour conversation with a complete stranger. Even if we do meet, I don't "do" enough in my life to be of any interest so can't see it going any place.

One thing in relation to PMO. Quite often in the past if I was on the phone I'd be touching the weener. Not for sexual/arousal reasons - I just seemed to do it automatically. This time however I didn't even get the urge to do it. Maybe the change has commenced.

25
Up and down like a yoyo today, mainly down and out. I believe that was my first downer - at least I know what to expect. I think a lot of it is because my sleep has been altered in some way. Brain expects PMO and doesn't know where to put the energy when it doesn't happen.

Sorry - I know this has turned in to my journal but I can't move the thread.

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