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Messages - blueRaccoon

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51
Ages 20-29 / Re: Sailing the tides to reach the an island called Life
« on: February 15, 2019, 06:12:14 AM »
Thank you @Rebooter2019, your constant support means a lot.

Thanks @ circle, the brain is definitely changing. It feels like I have started to control the brain rather than the brain controlling me all the time however it still tries to dominate once in a while. Gotta work on that.

52
Ages 20-29 / Re: My Reboot Journal
« on: February 15, 2019, 06:06:00 AM »
2 Weeks! congrats man.

53
Ages 20-29 / Re: Rakses Reboot - I want to be free
« on: February 15, 2019, 06:04:14 AM »
Congrats Riki, you're doing good. Keep going!!

54
Ages 20-29 / Re: Sailing the tides to reach the an island called Life
« on: February 14, 2019, 06:02:56 AM »
DAY #20

Clean without cravings.

The days seem to pass pretty easily. My muscles were sore because of yesterday's routine so I decided to skip the exercise for today. Nights have been weird, I don't know when I fall asleep but it takes its own time after I go to bed, and mornings have been pretty lazy. I think I am oversleeping. I have started to work on controlling myself - skipping the sweet dish if I know it not good for me, studying when I have too irrespective of my mood etc. small things but seems to work for now. I have entered the 3rd week of the reboot and it's 17th clean day today. I would say the 2nd week had some troubles for me but till now 3rd week seems normal. For most of the fellow rebooters 3rd and 4th week have been the toughest and this is where some of them have relapsed. These are days when the protein binding the PMO circuitry starts to break. I am waiting to tackle the challenge head-on and get over it!!

56
Ages 20-29 / Re: My Journal
« on: February 13, 2019, 07:43:58 AM »
For me, the major source of P was my smartphone and I struggled to control myself with it, eventually, I gave up my smartphone and turned to a brick phone, it has helped a lot. Do whatever it takes to get out of this mess. We are all in this together and we are rooting for you. Welcome in the journey brother.

57
Ages 20-29 / Re: Now or never
« on: February 13, 2019, 07:35:16 AM »
The funny thing is that "the obsession" is not who we really are, and I mean literally. It's just the brain, if it doesn't get what it wants for a few days it will give up on its own and look for something else. In these days there will be no obsessions as if that part of your personality has vanished and it actually was not you having the obsessions. It's just a tiny piece of protein stuck in your brain which creates the obsession. Check out YBON, it has helped a lot. And do what you need to do get out of this mess.

58
Ages 20-29 / Re: Sailing the tides to reach the an island called Life
« on: February 13, 2019, 07:24:24 AM »
DAY #19

Clean without cravings.

Yesterday, after making an entry to the journal I spent a good amount of time on YBOP and it was so enlighting. Half of the thoughts I have had are induced by P. The "right thing" my brain suggested was nothing but my prefrontal cortex telling to be rational while the "go get it" is obviously the primitive brain. P addiction has made the Go-get-it circuit strong and rational circuit weak. The simple solution is to follow the rational circuit to make it strong while the go-get-it weakens by itself. The go-get-it circuit will remain there so it's better to modify it too. The craving and flashback are the activations of go-get-it and the result was PMO, a better idea would be to train the brain for some good activities thus forming new circuits. I have tried imagining a big X with a buzzer sound when I get a flashback but I also plan to do some physical activity for these. The brain will crave the dopamine it used to get and the solution to this is to get the dopamine naturally - friend, family, outdoors etc. Apart from that doing exercises and meditation help enforce the prefrontal cortex circuitry i.e. getting better control over our minds. I gonna follow this strategy from now (everyone is doing this knowingly or unknowingly).

And today was another usual day however I was able to improve a bit, I woke up half an hour earlier to what I usually do bearing in mind the reinforcement of the prefrontal cortex circuitry or simply doing the right thing as I called it earlier. I did exercise and meditation but would love to hear your suggestion on how to improve them. For the exercise, I do some yoga and calisthenics, the yoga is not a problem but I am struggling with calisthenics, any suggestions on that? and also on meditation?

59
Ages 20-29 / Re: Now or never
« on: February 13, 2019, 07:01:34 AM »
You and Pete have talked about so much. Hope that has helped you. There is so much to know and understand about this shitty P addiction. It makes you do things you don't want to. And often it makes you get confused about the identity - whether it's really you or the porn. If anyone read some journals, he will find out for sure that there are so many common behaviors and thoughts that we actually associate to be our indigenous thought but they turn out nothing but induced by porn. We have to identify what is porn making us do and what really is our own decisions. We have to take responsibility for ourselves and be responsible for the people we care about. We can not dwell forever in "I'm so sick of this" and do nothing about it. It's a trap. You do PMO, you feel bad, you try to quit out of guilt, then once the guilt is gone, you're back to PMO. We have to realize that it's either quitting for good or staying the way you are forever. Time never waits for anyone, it will keep on moving while we think "just one more time", we have to get out of the cycle by ourselves otherwise it's just a cycle and it will keep on running forever. No one can help us until we help ourselves.

60
Ages 20-29 / Re: Sailing the tides to reach the an island called Life
« on: February 13, 2019, 06:04:51 AM »
Hey Blue.

The same thing I suggested to Change I'll suggest to you...

Without blockers it's so much harder to stay away from P. even more at this early stage of reboot.

So I'm going to tell you what I've been using and that's helped me

On the phone: App called BlockSite (you can block your favorite porn sites manually and there is also a button to block adult content in general).

On the computer: I installed a blocker in the Google Chrome called Adult Blocker and uninstalled/blocked the other browsers in my notebook.

I hope this can help you. Take care!

Thanks man. I've started using a brick phone and don't have a smartphone so accessing P on phone is not a thing I can do. And for the notebook, I have turned on the filter in my antivirus software so it also helps, however, I'm still gonna do what you have suggested - installing blocker on chrome, and blocking other browsers. I have one question though, how do you block the other browsers? through the options in the OS or some other software? Thanks in advance. ;D

61
Ages 20-29 / Re: Now or never
« on: February 12, 2019, 07:02:19 AM »
I would really like to suggest getting away from P in all the forms. Make it impossible for yourself to access P in any way and since you have talked about your internet addiction, limit your online time to a minimum too. When you'll be staying away from the sources you are bound to have some free time which was previously occupied. Fill this with something you would like to do, something which is productive. Try giving it a shot. We all are in this together, and I really want to see you succeed.

62
Ages 20-29 / Re: Journey to a better me
« on: February 12, 2019, 06:48:02 AM »
Yeah, keep on going. You're doing good brother.

63
Ages 20-29 / Re: Now or never
« on: February 12, 2019, 06:44:22 AM »
it's never too late to take the right turn on your journey.

64
Ages 20-29 / Re: Sailing the tides to reach the an island called Life
« on: February 12, 2019, 06:42:57 AM »
DAY #18

Clean without cravings.

Another usual day.
The growth has not been linear. I would say I was on fire at the start but this phase has been stagnant so far. I have not yet worked on some of the habits I want to incorporate -exercise, meditation- and feel like writing this journal is the single things I look forward to in a day. Other than that there is nothing. I have to get myself charged again. Fear of failure has always been a problem with me when I see something too big for me to climb up, I just stay still at the bottom looking at the top of the hill thinking I can not do it and this makes me go numb in all other spheres of my life. Standing still in one sphere of my life make the progress of other spheres stop too. I guess this phase is the phase of fear, I have to face it and conquer it for me to progress in my life.
Yeah, man, I could relate to this. I've been trying to quit P since 2 months ago and I haven't made any progress. I kept relapsing (bingeing) once/twice a week. I haven't even completed 1 week without P or edging and it annoys me. I've seen users around here saying they have been trying for years and it just scares me. I've joined this place after (like maybe everybody) I've discovered Gabe Deem and Gary Wilson. I started with that "courage from autosuggestion" let's call it, I felt like I could do it in a few months. But then 1 relapse, another one, another one, bingeing like crazy, I've become depressed and started to doubt it. Sometimes I feel like I know what to do but I can't do it. I'm too obsessed with pleasure, that's the fucking problem. I don't do it everyday, I don't do it as self-medication anymore, I just do it for pleasure. I wait days to built up the urges and then do it. However, in the last 2 weeks or so, I've been completely asexual. I can't turn myself on, I can't have urges. You could say "Alright, then why are you doing it if you don't have urges?" The answer: I am obsessed about pleasure. I want to experience pleasure. I start edging, in a desperate attempt to turn myself on. It didn't work and I despaired. I don't know, man, I'm doing this wrong.

Yeah man. This was something I was facing too. I would resolve every day to fight and get rid of this addiction once and for all but just after that particular moment of resolve I would give up and start binge-watching P. My very first post about myself was a result of a PMO session, I thought I would feel good  after sharing everything but as soon as I posted, I shut down my laptop and began watching P in my smartphone. The 3 days following that were also spent in multiple PMO sessions. I was in despair and wanted to get rid of this, I had to make a tough decision for myself. The source of P for me was my smartphone. I rarely watched P on my laptop. I gave my smartphone to my mother and bought a brick phone for myself. I knew that laptop is also one of the sources but to be precise it is the internet which is the source for me. I am using filters on my laptop, have confined the duration of use to 1 hour btw 4 pm to 5 pm and use my sibling's smartphone for internet access so if I am alone with my laptop I do not have access to the internet. Getting far away from accessing the P has worked well for me. I am on a good streak and even when there are low days, urges I am forced to face it in a natural way. Try getting away from P, when your brain realizes that it can no longer have the pleasure it lets you control itself.

65
Ages 20-29 / Re: Connecting the dots ( This year i will change)
« on: February 12, 2019, 06:23:31 AM »
Thanks for motivation @ blueRaccon and Do or die.

12/2/19 @ Day 4.

Good day for me, talked so many people's faced little bit anxiety and p urges. Now I am going with hard mode for 120 days. I also set rules about hard mode. 1. If I have night fall then I don't count it as relapse. 2. If I mastrubate intensionally then I will count it's a relapsed. 3. If I watched p and then did m. I will count as relapse. So this is hard mode to me. Let's see how far I go in this journey. Never ever give my friends be strong be aware about triggers, withdrawals. Keep pushing yourself.

Great!! All the best brother.  We are rooting for you!! 8)

66
Ages 20-29 / Re: Sailing the tides to reach the an island called Life
« on: February 12, 2019, 06:15:30 AM »
DAY #18

Clean without cravings.

Another usual day.
The growth has not been linear. I would say I was on fire at the start but this phase has been stagnant so far. I have not yet worked on some of the habits I want to incorporate -exercise, meditation- and feel like writing this journal is the single things I look forward to in a day. Other than that there is nothing. I have to get myself charged again. Fear of failure has always been a problem with me when I see something too big for me to climb up, I just stay still at the bottom looking at the top of the hill thinking I can not do it and this makes me go numb in all other spheres of my life. Standing still in one sphere of my life make the progress of other spheres stop too. I guess this phase is the phase of fear, I have to face it and conquer it for me to progress in my life.

67
Ages 20-29 / Re: Sailing the tides to reach the an island called Life
« on: February 12, 2019, 06:03:15 AM »
Thank you Riki, Rebooter and chagemylife for the support. I have to be extra careful from now on while watching any series or movies. Sexualization has become so common everywhere, even in the good shows they will just put something to keep the pervs happy. I have to completely abstain from such things for the time being. Must clean all the junk that I have in my brain first.

68
Ages 20-29 / Re: Sailing the tides to reach the an island called Life
« on: February 11, 2019, 06:49:33 AM »
DAY #17

Clean without cravings

Today was just another usual day for me. No cravings or flashbacks, I was busy doing my own things.
I still need to get my morning routine right. I was supposed to do exercise but I woke up late and eventually skipped it.


NSFW

Yesterday, I thought of watching some anime but mind was constantly telling me not to do it(right thing!!). As I prepared myself to get the show on, I felt like I was watching myself getting ready for a PMO session. The whole setup to watch a show was similar to that of what I used to do for P. I watched the show, things were normal until I saw a character attacking a female character out of nowhere. At this point, I felt this sudden rush inside my body, I could not feel my weight and felt much lighter. Luckily, that particular scene came at the end of the show just as a sneak-peek to the next episode and might have lasted for 10 seconds only. But it was enough to make me realize that Animes are not something I can continue in this journey. I had known it from the start but thought a new episode a week of my favorite anime can be tolerated but It's not the case now. I was also feeling bad about the reaction I had to that particular scene and it made me realize how my brain sees such things. It was just an attack - a character trying to choke other using his hands - and my brain was all set to see somethings which it had seen earlier. How can a person's harm be something to get all excited about to others, it was an animation indeed but what's the guarantee that my brain would not react similarly if it was real? I do very well know that it's the result of the years of exposure to the P which made my brain react like this but still, it's something I can not let go off easily. I need to get out of this mess and improve myself otherwise I don't know what kind of a person I would be.

69
Ages 20-29 / Re: Rakses Reboot - I want to be free
« on: February 11, 2019, 05:45:33 AM »
You don't need me to tell you this, but a mediocre day does not mean that your efforts aren't paying off. Keep going strong, and you'll find better days ahead!

Yeah man. A day without P is a day we won!! 8)

70
Ages 20-29 / Re: Not gonna go it alone
« on: February 11, 2019, 05:43:10 AM »
I have had similar dreams too. Wondering if it is common among rebooters? ???

71
Ages 20-29 / Re: Return to Nature
« on: February 10, 2019, 06:05:24 AM »
Great going man. I do agree with what you have said on the culturally defined sexuality. I have struggled with that myself, I often wondered what exactly the male-sexuality really represents and you my friend have provided some of the answers. I'm on 16th day of my journey and your posts definitely are something which I will be looking for when I'm at your stage. Keep doing your best ;D

72
Ages 20-29 / Re: Connecting the dots ( This year i will change)
« on: February 10, 2019, 05:52:54 AM »
Happy to help man. Congratulations for your 1st day. Keep us updated.  ;)

73
Ages 20-29 / Re: Journey to a better me
« on: February 10, 2019, 05:46:51 AM »
keep getting the good days ;)

74
Ages 20-29 / Re: My Reboot Journal
« on: February 10, 2019, 05:44:47 AM »
Yeah man, doing things which makes you forget the time feels awesome ;D

75
Ages 20-29 / Re: Sailing the tides to reach the an island called Life
« on: February 10, 2019, 05:40:09 AM »
DAY #16

Clean with no cravings.

I was out for some work for the whole day. I feel a bit tired and plan to rest for a while.
Looking forward to the next day.

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