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Messages - BigMog

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Ages 40 and up / Re: 30yearsgone Journal
« on: June 28, 2019, 01:40:42 PM »
Hi 30Years,
Just to add to Bob’s comments. There is a guy who I think is called jjacks or something similar who occasionally comes back just to encourage everybody. He’s been clean for a few years.

Ages 40 and up / Re: See them grow up
« on: June 21, 2019, 03:06:13 AM »
Stick with it WIPUK, there are several of us cheering you on from the sidelines.

Ages 40 and up / Re: Trekking to Freedom
« on: June 21, 2019, 03:02:58 AM »
I’m away next week for a few days for work, so will prepare the usual safeguards and make sure I have plenty of positive activities to do in the evenings. It will be stressful but my aim is to be aware of my mood and meditate and take plenty of exercise to stay on an even keel.
I realise that during my last long streak I definitely experienced stress and became quite miserable, grumpy and morose. Some of this is attributable to my work situation which is difficult at the moment but I think also probably to withdrawal symptoms from staying away from porn. Knowing this in advance, I hope, will help me deal with it.
Anyway 12 Days Clean
Stay strong everyone.

Ages 40 and up / Re: Trekking to Freedom
« on: June 19, 2019, 06:53:14 AM »
Thanks for your support Jixu!
So I’m back on the wagon. I had a few days away with some old friends with no possibility of PMO, as I was busy and constantly in company, so that helped take the pressure off me for the a while.
After my recent relapse, I’ve added the routine of reading a section of YBOP website before I start work on most days. It’s kind of reassuring that there is a lot of scientific information on our problem and good ideas on how to break the bad habit. I think with repeated reading the ideas will stick better in my mind and I should be able to apply them when I get triggered. When I’ve had good streaks before it seems to involve doing a little, almost daily reading or research.
Sometimes my lapses or relapses seem to occur when I’ve not been thinking at all about PMO and have let the research and discipline of posting here and mindfulness slip for a few days. Then, when I get triggered I’m unprepared for it. It’s almost as if I have forgotten about the problem so my defences are down.
Anyway I’m 10 Days Clean
Keep trekking everyone.

Ages 40 and up / Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
« on: June 11, 2019, 03:56:01 PM »
Hey Jixu, very well done on the 90 Days. Keep it going!

and I think I know part of the reason for this-people are too embarrassed to come back after lapsing, people are too afraid they are letting other people down if they admit a stumble

Good observation, yes that’s me! I don’t think I was under the impression I had it all worked out but my latest run of lapses is longer than I anticipated and yes I do feel embarrassed. I will post again in my own thread and like you I encourage others in my position to do the same and stay with the process.

Ages 40 and up / Re: See them grow up
« on: June 10, 2019, 03:14:49 PM »
Well done for hanging on in there. Good to see you’ve weathered this particular storm.
I identify with the lack of assertiveness and confidence. It’s been pointed out to me on a number of occasions. As with many things, including porn problems I don’t think there’s a magic bullet, but  I think doing all the good things we’re doing to beat PMO should help over time.
Keep strong!

Ages 40 and up / Re: Exodus
« on: June 09, 2019, 03:31:12 AM »
Well done Moses. Stay strong and enjoy the good, wholesome things in life. A letter, lanterns, cigars and beer seem good to me.

Ages 40 and up / Re: Trekking to Freedom
« on: June 06, 2019, 03:11:40 PM »
Thanks Jbow.
I’m still trekking. A few minor urges and a few ups and downs at work but ...
7 Days Clean

Good victory today Phil! Getting away from the screen and doing something outside seems like a good idea to me.

Ages 40 and up / Re: 43 year old tired of pmo
« on: June 06, 2019, 02:56:58 PM »
Nicely done Jbow. Shows how far you’ve come that you can occupy yourself without PMO even when your sleep cycle is out. Hope you’re recovering well from the op.

Ages 40 and up / Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
« on: June 06, 2019, 02:48:49 PM »
Well done Jixu. Congrats on 85 Days and on defeating the urges yesterday.

Ages 40 and up / Re: Terrible Suffering And Great Victory
« on: May 31, 2019, 03:27:17 PM »
Hi Rex, Thanks for posting. It's always encouraging to see your progress and read your thoughts. Cheers, BigMog.

Ages 40 and up / Re: Trekking to Freedom
« on: May 31, 2019, 03:17:30 PM »
Reasonable day, not feeling too jaded. A day-out with family went pretty well. I'm grateful that PMO has not completely wrecked my life, but really want to kick it out completely before it does any more damage. I'm just getting over a series of lapses after a good couple of months PMO-free.
I find it hard to believe that my last lapse was only in the small hours of Wednesday morning-it seems like a life-time ago. This a strange trick that the brain plays and I know I (and others) have noted it before.
Keep trekking everyone. Have a PMO-free weekend and fill your life with good (real) things.
Just 1 day clean.

Ages 40 and up / Re: Topic 1268 (Journal)
« on: May 29, 2019, 01:45:25 PM »
"I don't know if my temper was related to going porn-free. The thought occurred to me, anyway. I definitely over-reacted. I do know that in the past, if I got angry at her, I would use the anger to justify porn use the next day."

Hi Idunno-that is so familiar I could almost have written it myself. I guess being aware of the anger and the use of it as a justification for acting out is a good step towards being able to control it in the future.

 "So -- who am I now?  :-\"
You're a good guy doing the right thing.
Keep going!

Ages 40 and up / Re: Trekking to Freedom
« on: May 29, 2019, 04:05:18 AM »
Thanks jbow, I really appreciate you checking in.
TBH I've had a couple more slips in recent days. I'm in the process of picking myself up and trying to get going again. After my 77 day streak I thought I'd be able to almost carry on where I left off but it's been more challenging than I anticipated. (Chaser effect, I guess, and generally out of kilter emotionally for various reasons). There are a few lessons I need to re-learn from this:

keep up with the mindfulness practices to help be aware of what my brain is doing and be able to insert a pause between  thoughts and actions
keep all the protections in place on IT equipment to make access to porn harder (and don't go testing them to see whether they are really effective-that's just an excuse to circumvent them).
Go almost "Monk Mode" by keeping use of ipad etc to a bare minimum. (In fact I'll put it in a cupboard in another room. There are some vital tasks I perform with it, but I may try to find other ways of doing them so I can totally ditch it).
Never stay in the home office after  10:00 pm. No good will come of it.
Journal here and read and comment every couple of days.
Focus on family, hobbies, reading, socializing etc-the good things in life.

It's all pretty obvious stuff really.

Hmm........ I talk a good game but I'm not able to follow through into real-life at the moment. ::)

BTW-thanks to all who have commented here in the last few weeks. (WIPUK, Rex, Jbow , cranm, Jixu, stp15, switched-off-I hope I didn't miss anybody out). It definitely helps, I'll aim to reciprocate.

Keep Trekking everyone!
0 Days Clean

Ages 40 and up / Re: Reboot take two
« on: May 23, 2019, 02:56:10 AM »
"I really think I can do it."
I really think you can do it too. Seems to me like you've worked out a good approach to the AD situation.
I look forward to seeing more posts from you in a while.
Good luck!

Ages 40 and up / Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
« on: May 21, 2019, 04:45:46 PM »
Hi jixu, how are you doing?-haven't heard from you for a while.

Ages 40 and up / Re: Trekking to Freedom
« on: May 21, 2019, 04:44:05 PM »
Well, I had a run of 12 days but then a minor slip the day before yesterday. I won't go into the details of why I consider it minor but I'm back trekking now. I find it odd that although a major binge leaves me wiped out and miserable, after a smaller slip I can focus and concentrate at work much better for a day or so. Of course, it's not that a slip is a good thing; my aim is to be rid of PMO and for my brain to be balanced and those levels of concentration to be the norm. I guess it's related to swinging levels of dopamine and DeltaFosB. It's all a bit of bumpy ride at the moment.
Keep trekking fellow re-booters!

Ages 40 and up / Re: Broken
« on: May 21, 2019, 04:18:21 PM »
Hi harpoon,
I'm sure you have the sympathy and support of everyone here. You're clearly in a bad place at the moment but, yes, restarting regular journaling here I'm sure will help. Step by step and day by day you can make changes that will help you. I won't bore you with a list of my suggestions* because I'm sure from reading on this forum you've already found good information. Anyway I'm not an expert and like many of the folks here still slip sometimes. Best of luck!

(* unless you want me to ;))

Ages 40 and up / Re: Rick Need Your Support
« on: May 14, 2019, 11:59:23 PM »
Hi Rick, 18 days- good work! I agree with the other guys. Also you said in your second post that your wife doesn't mind the size of your asset. If she's OK with it then maybe you can relax a bit about it too. Keep going, keep strong!

Ages 40 and up / Re: 4.5 YEARS PORN-FREE!
« on: May 14, 2019, 11:46:32 PM »
Inspirational! Thanks Lyon.

Ages 40 and up / Re: my success
« on: May 14, 2019, 11:42:46 PM »
Hi Olaf, Thank you for sharing your story. It resonates with me because we are about the same age. I've been incredibly lucky because although I've been under the spell of PMO for a very long time, things have just about hung together for me. I'm determined now to make better use of my time than I have in the past and to kick out PMO permanently. Well done for beating porn and good luck with your endeavours in the future.

Ages 40 and up / Re: 43 year old tired of pmo
« on: May 14, 2019, 11:20:54 PM »
Good work Jbow. Yes "Life is good" and as we untangle ourselves from the clutches of PMO we appreciate it more.

Ages 40 and up / Re: Trekking to Freedom
« on: May 14, 2019, 10:51:41 PM »
Rex, Jbow, many thanks for your encouraging words. You're good men! You've lifted my spirits at then end of a tiring day. Yes I am going to keep trekking and applying the lessons I've learned and the tools I have during my journey.

Ages 40 and up / Re: 43 year old tired of pmo
« on: May 12, 2019, 11:44:47 PM »
Keep going Jbow- we're with you.

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