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Messages - Joost!

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Ages 20-29 / Re: Changing my lifestyle & environment
« on: December 11, 2018, 04:57:24 AM »
...But my biggest motivation is to become the son I want to be for my parents.

Hey man! This is a great motivation to have. To be not doing it just for yourself, but to take the people you love into account.

You seem to be motivated enough to quit this addiction. It's often about taking a deeper look at those emotional stumbling blocks that hinder us from doing the things we really want to do and cause us to escape into a fantasy world.

Good luck.

Ages 30-39 / Re: Quest for Innocence
« on: December 10, 2018, 12:43:35 PM »
December 10, 2018

"Whoever looks at a woman with Lust has already commited adultery with her in his Heart." - [Matthew 5:28]

If we weren't slaves of our lust, we wouldn't even take an interest in porn. For truly there is no love in these depictions of male-female interaction.
It's all about craving the physical form of another. Possessing what isn't yours, for a short period of time. Leaving one disillusioned and unsatisfied when the 'fun' is over.
Lust will never fill your hunger. On the contrary, it will only increase it tenfold turning into a ravenous appetite that is rapidly eating away at your spiritual resources.
Sometimes your eye sees something so alluringly beautiful that it fills your heart with a dark desire to have it, to own it and to devour it completely. You want it, for you and for you alone.
This is the essence of Lust. Realize that love is the opposite. Love isn't claiming. It can enjoy beauty, as in a passing butterfly, without any desire to catch it.
Seek love with your Heart.

Ages 30-39 / Re: Quest for Innocence
« on: December 09, 2018, 11:51:10 AM »
December 9, 2018

Often I have wondered. Why did I develop this particular addiction? Why did I never form healthy bonds with the other sexe?
Escapism of emotional pain, yes. But why? Why did I chose to run from pain into about 10 years of addictive hell?
I spend most of my twenties in social isolation. Consuming fantasies 'till I completely lost touch with reality.
Today I realized I ran from Love. A Love that was always there for me. Not a human love. The Love of God for his children.
A Love I had tasted, but ran away from, believing I could figure life out by my own wisdom. As a result I became a slave of my own foolishness.
God endured all of my (emotional) pain and worse, in the flesh of Jesus. He carried all the sins of the world on his back as he dragged the cross towards the place where he'd be crucified at the hands of men.
With that in mind, who am I, to curse this life? To be ungrateful and waste my life's energy in bitterness and depression?
To be prideful, thinking I can overcome everything by my own power without putting my trust in the source of all life?
Without faith we have no hope of tomorrow.

Hey man. Good you have identified porn as an issue. For it truly is on all levels of existence.

Porn warps our perception of what actual human intimacy is like. After a while of watching it, it has become so habitual to our minds that we can't even see it for what it is. Two people engaged in an act. It's sexual theater. Very important to remind yourself of that.

Now you had this real experience with a girl and it didn't work as you expected. I can relate since i've felt the same non-responsive numbness when a girl I found very attractive took off her clothes for me. A weird feeling indeed. One of the explanations is that we've wired ourselves neurologically to the fake thing. Yes through porn, we have become conditioned to something unreal. A very sad state of affairs.

On the positive, your brains can become rewired to respond to real intimacy. But for that porn has to be removed from your life.

You already know it makes you feel miserable and gross. And its often in moments when we experience low self-worth we escape these uncomfortable feelings by orgasm watching porn, adding more to the misery.

Good idea to keep a (private) journal and honestly express your reasons for porn. It can help give you insight into why porn has even become a part of your life.

Ages 30-39 / Re: Quest for Innocence
« on: December 08, 2018, 06:59:42 AM »
December 8, 2018

This last relapse made me feel miserable. I'm bordering a psychotic phase.
Self-accusing thoughts bombard my headspace. Had trouble falling asleep.
I'm hurting the people I love by not being available.
Mentally, emotionally i'm wrapped up in my own pain. There's barely the desire to socialize..
Christmas is just around the corner. Now is the time to be bold and let go of the shackles of addiction.
Overthinking this whole issue doesn't help. You either want to stop or you don't.
And I do. To experience whats beyond.

Ages 30-39 / Metanoia, a journey of faith
« on: December 07, 2018, 07:33:50 PM »
A journey of faith.

"Hey joy!
What are you like?
When you're genuine and innocent?
Free from ill intentions and the lust of strangers
Could I get to know you?
Without losing myself inside you?
Could we be like children exploring the cornfield?
Running and laughing
until we catch our breath
and the wind carries us back home."

Welcome to my journal, stranger!

What keeps you coming back to the screen?
Locking your potential within four corners of an x-rated scene?

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