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Messages - Joost!

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Hey man. Good you have identified porn as an issue. For it truly is on all levels of existence.

Porn warps our perception of what actual human intimacy is like. After a while of watching it, it has become so habitual to our minds that we can't even see it for what it is. Two people engaged in an act. It's sexual theater. Very important to remind yourself of that.

Now you had this real experience with a girl and it didn't work as you expected. I can relate since i've felt the same non-responsive numbness when a girl I found very attractive took off her clothes for me. A weird feeling indeed. One of the explanations is that we've wired ourselves neurologically to the fake thing. Yes through porn, we have become conditioned to something unreal. A very sad state of affairs.

On the positive, your brains can become rewired to respond to real intimacy. But for that porn has to be removed from your life.

You already know it makes you feel miserable and gross. And its often in moments when we experience low self-worth we escape these uncomfortable feelings by orgasm watching porn, adding more to the misery.

Good idea to keep a (private) journal and honestly express your reasons for porn. It can help give you insight into why porn has even become a part of your life.

Ages 30-39 / Re: Quest for Innocence
« on: December 08, 2018, 06:59:42 AM »
December 8, 2018

This last relapse made me feel miserable. I'm bordering a psychotic phase.
Self-accusing thoughts bombard my headspace. Had trouble falling asleep.
I'm hurting the people I love by not being available.
Mentally, emotionally i'm wrapped up in my own pain. There's barely the desire to socialize..
Christmas is just around the corner. Now is the time to be bold and let go of the shackles of addiction.
Overthinking this whole issue doesn't help. You either want to stop or you don't.
And I do. To experience whats beyond.

Ages 30-39 / Metanoia, a journey of faith
« on: December 07, 2018, 07:33:50 PM »
A journey of faith.

"Hey joy!
What are you like?
When you're genuine and innocent?
Free from ill intentions and the lust of strangers
Could I get to know you?
Without losing myself inside you?
Could we be like children exploring the cornfield?
Running and laughing
until we catch our breath
and the wind carries us back home."

Welcome to my journal, stranger!

What keeps you coming back to the screen?
Locking your potential within four corners of an x-rated scene?

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