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Messages - mvolarez

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First of all do not even take into consideration what some one here has suggested about your personal hygiene or looks. This is in no way your fault.

Second, you should never punish your husband if he relapses and push him away by making him sleep on the couch. You have to treat this like drug addiction. If you push him away, he'll go back to his comfort zone, his happy place, where it is worry free and feels so good - porn. You will seem like the bad guy and porn will seem like the good guy.

Third, your therapist could be right about considering other options but that is something you have to think of and realize on your own - it's not her place to make such suggestions.

Fourth, the length of porn addiction and recovery time are not correlated. Just because your husband has been doing it for so long does not mean that so much damage has been done that it's almost irreversible. Yes, it requires dedication and commitment, and yes, he will take longer to recover than someone who's been doing it for only a couple of years but looking at stories on here, men are recovering pretty quick compared to years and years of porn addiction. Some are back to normal in just a few months. I've been addicted to porn for 10 years and I only stopped when I realized and understood that I do have a problem. I understood all the consequences and the damage it does both psychologically and physically. All your husband needs is to wake up and understand what he is doing to himself and how this is all affecting him and everyone around him. I myself did not realize all this for the longest time and I actually thought I was only over doing it a little with porn - the reality was that it was ruining my life.

Finally, If you leave him, he will continue to watch porn and it could get worse. So if you care about him, talk to him openly and honestly. Tell him what you're thinking and make him understand how bad this is for him, whether you are in his life or not. Hopefully, he'll stop and deicide to focus all that sexual energy towards you, towards someone real, and realize how much more rewarding and fulfilling it is.


Wishing you all the best.

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Ages 30-39 / Re: how long to wait for. wet dream
« on: November 06, 2018, 06:59:25 AM »
A wet dream does not occur after a set period of time. Some have more frequent wet dreams, some have less frequent wet dreams, and some have none. For a wet dream to occur it depends on libido, sexual energy build up, the length of abstinence, and many other factors.

You cannot force it, plan it, or even sense it. It just happens or it might not even happen.

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