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Messages - Jack Can

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Ages 20-29 / Re: Starting Now Limp to Rock
« on: November 06, 2017, 12:56:02 PM »
I can see how it might come off that way but I don't even see it as negative. I just don't relate with the people on this site, besides the whole no pmo thing. And that is the point of this site so I'm not annoyed. I'm just at a place right now where the main focus of my life isn't on not pmo'ing anymore.

I feel like since I have new goals I should go to new places to get more percise advice along my journey. Sorry if that last post made me look like a butt hurt P.O.S. haha.

I'm also looking into ED drugs but am scared that I will become dependent on them. Do you know anything about that?

Ages 20-29 / Re: Falling Forward
« on: November 04, 2017, 08:53:58 PM »
hell yeah man! And don't worry, it won't always be a fight to not view porn. For me, past day 20ish, it stopped even entering into my mind that I would want to PMO. So stay strong! It gets easier!

Ages 20-29 / Re: Starting Now Limp to Rock
« on: November 04, 2017, 12:06:31 AM »
100 days without porn or masturbation

Wow, 100 days, I never thought I would make it this far. I mean, I see guys on this forum that are adamant that they will never watch porn or masturbate ever again. I never had that level of resolve. I always had the view of, "hey, I'm giving it up for now, we'll see what happens after I am able to have sex again" Which I've always thought would lead me straight into a relapse.

But somehow I'm still doing it. I've always been a guy that is not above average, but I bet not viewing porn or masturbating for 100 days puts me in the top 99% of guys. When I started rebooting, hitting the 90 day mark was just some crazy idea, some far off thought that would never really happen. But I did it. At around day 37 I pulled a girl back to her apartment from the bars and couldn't get it up. Now granted, she was pretty ugly, so that most definitely contributed to me not being able to get it up. But it was during that failed night that I realized it may take a bit longer than 90 days. How long did it take Gabe..?

5 1/2 months right? OK, maybe I'll shoot for that. That is.. umm.. 165 days? Sure I can do that. It's only like 2 more months from today and I've already done over 3 months. Not that I have any real desire to MO anyways right now, but it would be nice from time to time.

I really enjoy writing these journals and thinking back on my day and seeing how I'm doing. I read this Benjamin Franklin quote the other day: "Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing" and I felt like it gave me a direction. I'm a pretty directionless guy, everything seems pretty pointless to me, so I've never felt much pressure to do anything. But that quote and these journals push me to do something that I can be proud to write about. And with this site, just adding another post having not relapsed, is something worth reading to me.

I realize now, after having a date with a girl who ended up not wanting to see me again, that this forum is not the place for me to write about my life. I have goals to become better in relationships, to have better habits, to be a better overall man and if I needed help with those goals I don't think this would be the forum I would go to to ask for help. The majority of the blogs on this forum belong to people who are stuck in the relapse hamster wheel and not  becoming better men, or at least not at the speed that I want to learn and be better. I just don't relate with many of the people who write blogs here so I'm needing a change..

Ages 20-29 / Re: 24 y.o./ 3 years in, little to no progress
« on: November 03, 2017, 01:36:29 AM »
Hell yeah dude! Keep us posted if they keep happening!

Porn Addiction / Re: Chasers
« on: November 03, 2017, 12:13:07 AM »
I'm going to throw a lot of bro science at you here, so be advised.

The chaser effect is when you've been abstaining from MOing for pretty much any length of time but then end up relapsing back into MOing. The chaser effect is the strong desire to MO more afterwards. Example, a year ago I gave up PMOing for a week and then relapsed back in. I O'ed like 12 times in the hour after my relapse.

I think of it like a little kid not being allowed to eat candy for awhile and then being let loose in a candy store. He's going to go freaking crazy and eat everything until he has a stomach ache.

It's probably a bad idea to indulge them because, just like everything this site says, PMOing is not good for you.

what do you have to lose?

Dang, that sounds pretty severe. I don't see any point in not trying, it could always help. Even people that do not have problems with PIED choose to go no PMO though, so whatever happens, it will help you.

Ages 20-29 / Re: Journey to a better me
« on: October 29, 2017, 02:04:01 AM »
I 100% agree with the dopamine chase thing

Ages 20-29 / Re: Starting Now Limp to Rock
« on: October 26, 2017, 11:57:22 PM »
^^ sleepking69 and vince, you have no idea how much I enjoy reading your comments on my posts...

Thanks for the reply man! It makes me really happy to know that I'm not abnormal for not getting MW back already. I hear a lot of stories about people getting MW back after like 3 days of nofap.

I'm on Day 91 of my reboot so you think I'd have morning wood all the time, but I never do. I'll wake up with a semi every once in awhile but it is nowhere near the norm. Do any of you know what is going on? I had morning wood all the time in my teenage years, I'm 21 now, pretty healthy.

Ages 20-29 / Re: lets restart!! try number 100
« on: October 26, 2017, 09:41:04 AM »
do you feel guilty when you fap? I mean, how do you feel when you fap for 8 consecutive days when trying to give it up?

Ages 20-29 / Re: Starting Now Limp to Rock
« on: October 25, 2017, 08:30:24 AM »
Day 90

Wow, been waiting to post this one for awhile. Hope you can pull information out of this that is useful to you; It is everything that I would have wanted to hear when starting out, and even during my journey.

Quick Summary for those who don't want to take the time to read my past posts: I am a 21 year old man and since the age of 13, I masturbated to porn 2-4 times a day on average. I never took a break during that time except for the few weekends that I would go on vacation to my aunts house(no private time). During this time I started to get some very odd novel desires like: Midgets, Bukkake, BBWs, BDSM porn, and Punishment-like stuff. I attempted to have sex for the first time at 20 years old with a girl I met off tinder, Horrible PIED despite a BJ and handjob. Since that night, I have had very similar experiences with 2 other girls. It was not a good time. I told a couple of people about my dysfunction which usually had an interesting response ranging from disbelief about the disorder to being called gay to confusion and sadness. I think whenever most people give up PMO though it is a very personal decision, or at least it was for me, so I really didn't care about what other people thought.

Porn for me, was something I used in all situations as a defense mechanism. When I got bored and wanted something to occupy my time, when I was upset about not doing well on a test, when I got shut down by a girl, or, more likely, didn't have the balls to talk to a girl, or when I am envious of other people's relationships. I am sure there are many more situations in which I'd feel the need to PMO, but those came off the top of my head. That was me, and before I realized that it was a problem I was perfectly content living that way. But that's just because I didn't know the toll it was taking on myself. I didn't know that it was sapping my energy levels and making me not want to talk to people, or do new things, or just experience life.

On day 58 or 57 I was able to have sex again, and while it didn't go flawlessly, I had to pull out because I didn't want to O inside of her. I could have though and that's all that matters to me. I can't wait to be able to effortlessly get it up and have no problems.

So in this article I'm going to write about the things that helped me make it to the 90-day mark.

A couple of things that I think would help rebooters out...

Don't put your life on hold during your reboot. It is counterproductive to what you are trying to achieve if your problems range from PIED to just social anxiety. Get out there and live your life! Don't be afraid, you might just want to avoid bringing people back to your bedroom for awhile.

You 100% should be talking to girls on your reboot. Because the rewiring process is so detrimental to becoming a normal guy again you should view it as a job to go and talk to girls, something you must do. Just be aware of how you are feeling after you get shut down. I believe that if you are aware of how you are feeling you will not relapse. "If you learn the 5 D's of Dodgeball no amount of balls on Earth can hit you" - Patches O'hoolahan

Make Porn not an option anymore. Use the mindset that you are just a person that doesn't watch porn anymore, if anyone asks just say "yeah, I don't do that". For me, and probably a lot of you, it HAS to be a cold turkey decision to quit because if I tried to slowly ween myself off I would just relapse fully back in. Before I decided to go all in with no porn AND masturbation I just decided to give up porn and only masturbate once a week and that was a total train wreck. I would negotiate with myself all the time about only doing it on certain days, and that would turn into myself thinking about the day and dreaming of when I would be able to masturbate again... Probably not the best thing to have on the mind of someone who is trying to eliminate his dependency on PMO. So yes, to anyone who is asking if they should go cold turkey, go cold turkey.

People will throw a lot of stuff at you to try, but you just need to remember that all you really need to do is avoid porn. If it feels like porn, or you get a similar feeling you got when watching porn, it is probably still "porn". This could be from things like searching around on Facebook, or looking at racy magazines, or even fantasizing. Maybe try to lower your MO frequency for awhile too. (That's one of the things people will tell you to try). And maybe you should try that, but it shouldn't be your #1 priority. Just try not to make M'ing a crutch when you're stressed.

Sometimes it can be really tough dealing with withdrawals, whenever this happens I recommend getting a glass of water and then taking a walk, run if you have to. The feelings and thoughts will subside eventually. I hear cold showers work phenomenally too, but I don't like cold water haha. It's too hard to breathe, but I can definitely see how it could shock you out of some urges.

If you have tried all the strategies to not relapse (run, cold shower, get out!) but find there is either not enough time or the ball is already rolling down the hill, I personally think it is an option to MO. Just find a nice quiet spot (I used the bathroom, so it wouldn't be a comfortable seat) and try to meditate while doing it. You will get all the relief from if you did PMO but it isn't AS bad from a rewiring of the brain point of view. Don't feel bad about it either, this is a lifelong journey, you are going to MO every once in awhile. If you feel bad about yourself it will only encourage future relapses.

I am pretty tired of the "challenge" mindset... This is not something that should be followed for a set amount of time. If you put a time limit on it then you will fantasize about the day that you will be able to masturbate again and that is something I think you should avoid. Masturbation is fine, but putting it up on a pedestal and thinking about it all the time is not. You should follow the noporn aspect of the reboot for life and you should probably quit masturbating as well, at least until you can start having sex with real women. (I do see the irony of this being my 90 day post haha, I'm just trying to track how long it takes me to recover so I can help other people and set realistic time parameters for recovery)

It is super important to remember that the rebooting process is not a linear recovery. I would go from wanting to make out with the cashier of a BBQ restaraunt to feeling like an alien kissing a girl in my own bed. Flatlines, they come they go. I mean, I didn't really care about having a small shriveled penis during them, which happens to many. I wasn't going to be using it for the next 60 days anyways lol. For me it was no longer feeling the urge to be sexual with girls that really scared me.

Also, during my reboot I was always giving myself positive affirmations. For me, I wasn't just happy at day 90, I was happy after day 1. I mean, in the past I would never ever go a day without MO'ing so I felt like I was the Man. After 3 days I was like "Dude!!! that's almost half a fucking week of not jerking it! Who the fuck does that!". So I believe it was tremendously helpful to me to always be happy with where I was at. I had a goal, to be able to get erect with girls, and no fucking little counter could help me with that so I was never too worried about it.

Moving forward I will do these things differently...

I definitely had options growing up and knew girls that liked me, but I viewed myself as above them (I wasn't). Maybe it was that, or maybe I just got too nervous and scared to actually pursue them as a relationship. I thought that if they did reject me, I would be a total failure (I wouldn't have been). I will try to never let an opportunity like that go for dumb reasons.

Thankyou to this community for reading my different thoughts during rebooting...

As a 21 year old guy, nothing really is more important than being able to be sexually competent with a girl. That is why I was able to never relapse back to pornography.

I'm going to take a break from adding to my journal until I have sex again I guess haha. I only want to update you guys if I get any tangible results from my reboot, not just how I'm feeling from day to day.

Yep! Sounds like you've got it figured out! The perfect solution to pretty much any sickness for me personally is a lot of vitamin C, water, and sleep. Good luck on your date  ;)

Thanks again.
Actually, I don't understand how can anybody return to P if he knows it harms his brain. This is quite a terryfing thing.
I remember the day I clearly realized what was going on with me. I swore to refuse P immediately, with relief, I erased all P stuff from my computer and since then didn't look back into that abyss.

I am with you 100% man. I don't get how everybody on this site would ever relapse to porn. Maybe it's like cigarettes though.. Everybody knows that it is terrible for you, but tons of people still do it.

Ages 20-29 / Re: Starting Now Limp to Rock
« on: October 23, 2017, 01:17:52 AM »
Day 88

The church girl that I wrote about briefly a couple posts ago has been taking up a ton of my mental RAM lately... I haven't had a girl I've ever really enjoyed hanging out with in, well, ever. This girl though is really cool and I love being around her, the only problem is, I don't think she likes me. She always seems to be busy doing things I can't be involved with, which is not necessarily a problem. But, in addition to that she never takes the time to respond to my texts or reschedule plans I've made with her that couldn't be met. As I'm writing this out, it is instantly made apparent to me that she doesn't like me :(, good to know, at least I won't have to waste time and emotions thinking about this anymore.

Besides that sad stuff though, I've really been kicking ass in the gym lately. Consistency and following my week's plans has been going a lot smoother and that is really good for my development. Other aspects of my life unfortunately are not as consistent. Schoolwork has fallen by the way-side and in its place is just wasting time on stupid youtube videos. I should purge myself of these dumb videos, maybe I should try like a week challenge to get rid of youtube. I know... I should ideally just limit myself, but I have a very addictive personality and many things in my life are conducive to just lounging around not
doing much.

Ages 20-29 / Re: It's the final countdown
« on: October 21, 2017, 09:11:57 AM »
Girls can be a cruel mistress. At some points they can make you super happy and be the best thing in your life and then other times they can make you feel like absolute garbage.

Good luck with your old lady!

Ages 20-29 / Re: Starting Now Limp to Rock
« on: October 21, 2017, 12:42:15 AM »
Day 86

Wow, today has been a freaking emotional roller coaster. In the morning I went to the gym, finally hit my goal of doing 3 sets of 10 dumbbell presses with 45 lb. dumbbells. After that I went back to my room to discover that my backpack was missing "Shit!". From that point on my morning was a mess. I ran up to the business school, remembering that I was there last night doing homework, maybe I left it there. But when I went over there it wasn't. I went to the school's lost and found, wasn't there. Checked my car, wasn't there. From this point I just got really sad, it was a $50 backpack and there was my $100 graphing calculator in it, along with 3 courses folders filled with notes and study material. Full of sadness, I walked into my living room and sat down on the couch accepting defeat, then I pulled the blanket over myself because I was cold and there it was! Under the freaking blanket lol. I got super happy after that :)

4 days left in this "challenge" which will most likely continue for the rest of my life. I don't miss it or crave it on a day to day basis anymore. When I am alone late at night in my room I do think it would be a nice release, I honestly don't think I will ever not miss it. I just remember how it is not good for my sex-life so that keeps me away from it. I used to be thinking about PMOing throughout my whole day of school. "Which porn actress will I indulge myself in when I get back home?" Would race through my mind pretty much all day. I would fantasize about those actresses all day and compare real people to them (They would never match up), so I was stuck thinking that everyone else was less than.

So yeah, pretty solid day :). Now my goal is to bench press 50 pound dumbbells for 3 sets of 10 and the same with the dumbbell rows! My gym only has up to 60 pound dumbbells so that can be my goal for the end of the year  ;), hopefully I can achieve that, I think it'd be super cool.

Ages 20-29 / Re: The Beginning of Freedom
« on: October 19, 2017, 04:49:55 PM »
That's a really good idea trading out your phone for a book! Be careful of those E-books though, I heard that the blue light emitted from screens makes it hard to sleep for like 30 minutes after seeing them.

Ages 20-29 / Re: Starting Now Limp to Rock
« on: October 19, 2017, 04:45:13 PM »
@vince: Dude that is 100% my situation too! Thanks for the advice, I just need to get out and go do something else.

Ages 20-29 / Re: Starting Now Limp to Rock
« on: October 19, 2017, 12:28:08 AM »
Day 84

So this girl is really fucking irritating, but I really like her for some reason. She isn't responsive to my texts and will fucking ignore me, but then will send me paragraph long texts saying how she apologizes but hopes we can hang out later. I have been on a freaking emotional roller coaster. It just makes me sad.

I want to be around her but she hurts my feelings by not responding to me....

But i guess it's good to know that I'm no longer using PMO to cope with my problems. So that's positive.

Ages 20-29 / Re: Starting Now Limp to Rock
« on: October 18, 2017, 08:15:08 AM »
Thanks Vince, it looks like the only person being hurt now is me... I waited a whole day to text the church girl back after I gave her her first kiss and now she's not texting me back. I will never do that again and I hope and pray that I can fix this problem.

Ages 20-29 / Re: Starting Now Limp to Rock
« on: October 17, 2017, 12:07:15 AM »
Day 82

Goals Since last post

hangout with the church girl again and hopefully kiss her:

I'm going to ask the church girl if she wants to go to this cool spot on campus to watch the stars tonight. Hopefully she'll say yes, so I'm going prepare by picking up some snacks from King Soopers (cashews and a chocolate bar). Anyways, stargazing is great so I'm sure I'll have a lot of fun, hopefully she'll like it too :). I'm gonna try to kiss her tonight. Lol looking back on what I wrote, this is definitely plan A. Nothing went wrong in that scenario, which it usually does. Positive thinking though!

Edit:I kissed her! I was her first kiss lol. It was pretty uncomfortable, her mouth didn't match up with mine in like shape or speed, it was pretty chaotic and kinda fun actually. We're gonna try again later :)

lift on Monday:

I tried benching two 45 lb dumbbells for 3 sets of 10 again, but only made it to 2 sets of 10 and then 8 reps on the last set... Same as last week :(, but I got the 3 sets of 10 with a 45 lb. dumbell for rows.

Go to tutoring multiple times this week:

I'm struggling in some of my classes so I'm going to start seeing the tutor in the mornings from now on.

Edit: Oops, didn't go to tutoring today... I knew I was supposed to, and I even walked down there! But I didn't bring my textbook lol. Oh well, they say getting there is half the battle, and I definitely got there, so I'll mark this one as a win haha.

Call Mom & Brother:

My family is very important to me so I try to call them daily. I called them! they seem like they're doing well!

Talk with Brother about banging Bar girl:

I feel kind of guilty about banging the girl I met at the bar whilst I am talking to and am interested in the church girl. I don't really like the bar girl very much so it's not a good situation I'm in. I really don't like disappointing people and I've never broken it off with anyone before, it sounds terrible. But I like the church girl a lot more and even my brother says I should probably just focus on the church girl and he is a lot more socially savvy than me, so I'll listen to him.

I really like this format of journaling! you write down all of your goals at the beginning of the week, and then day by day you write on how you've been working on each section. It makes me realize that I am moving in a positive direction :)

Ages 20-29 / Re: lets restart!! try number 100
« on: October 16, 2017, 02:21:47 PM »
How'd the approach go? Was it just a random girl or are you in some group together?

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