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Messages - Stevew

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Porn Addiction / Re: Sexual frustration during reboot
« on: June 18, 2017, 05:32:39 PM »
I know it is.. but god it really fucks with my mood and makes me angry/frustrated.

Porn Addiction / Sexual frustration during reboot
« on: June 18, 2017, 10:01:50 AM »
I feel like my main reasons for relapsing are always sexual frustration. I get annoyed that loads of other men are banging girls and im not. and that i've had to pass up on opportunities. Of course the logically way to thin about it is to reboot so you can. But man it is killing me the urge to just masturbate... not necessarily porn but just to MO.

Wait so me thinking about whether or not to watch porn or MO in that flight or fight (do it or abstain) is giving me that dopamine spike. I'm assuming it doesn't help with the addiction but it wont count as a relapse or put me back as long as It is a brief thought process.

I feel huge butterflys when i debate whether or not to MO or search something i know will trigger me to relapse... I have resisted so far... but i do feel a sudden increase in anxiety/butterfly feeling. Is that a dopamine spike? Because if so that seems even stronger than when i result in PMOing. Which really sucks i mean as soon as i think about doing it I've already fucked up. I really hope the anxiety/butterflys isn't the dopamine spike.

Porn Addiction / Re: how to stop fantasizng
« on: June 14, 2017, 07:09:12 AM »
I have lower abdomen pain. Look up 'tight pelvic floor in men'... excessive masturbation can cause this. I mean I still suffer from it i think it could be anxiety causing tight abs...

I get that shit too... horny but no erection. Don't binge and you won't be set back too much!

Do your erections work though? Like do you get morning wood etc? Erection to touch? Working erection when having sex?

''The retention of your sperm will increase your testorone, your energy levels, your horniness and the quality of your erections.''

Explains why boxers/fighters often go without sex for 1-3 months before fights.

'' What I have is mostly incredibly low motivation to ever do anything''
I'm this 100%. I think my depression is probably based off just not wanting to do anything but browse the internet watching videos/films. I'm on my second gap year and I haven't been out travelling... I've been at home hoping to quit porn and doing nothing else.

Porn Addiction / Re: What A Craving Feels Like For Us
« on: June 03, 2017, 08:52:47 PM »
For me i almost get tunnel vision. I will see something or a thought will come in my head and my brain will be getting me to subconsciously look out for sexual images. When the real hit comes in my motivation/thinking/determination like Nikola said seems to go out of the window... even though i have that ''I could avoid this...'' in cases where i didn't overcome it it simply was due to the feeling that it was physically/mentally impossible not to PMO right there.
Making sure you cut out feeding those initial surges is key... as you feed them you become less powerful to resist.

Damn especially considering I haven't even kissed a girl... or even romantically hugged/held their hand or any of that basic stuff... that may give me that drive.

For some i think getting Cialis and just having sex even if it'#s a one off may be an idea. I'm thinking about this myself... it would give me huge confidence and motivation to see my fully erect penis and having sex with a real woman. Right now it seems like a distant dream... if one tasted what it is like...

Porn Addiction / Re: Brain Fog
« on: May 30, 2017, 07:32:47 PM »
Ginko Biolba helped me tremendously during my exams... i went from not being able to read a sentences without having to look at it 3-4 times to properly registering it to being able to to just read normally and remember things. It may work for you... but if it doesn't it is simply a natural supplement which won't harm you in any way. It can take a month or so to have a effect apparently.

Does anyone else have this...
Lets say I'm bingeing after relapsing only once to soft core or hardcore porn... I often end up going full out and spending weeks watching all the different porn i enjoyed. For example today there is a certain video of a certain celebrity i want to wank to so i can ''start tomorrow'' fresh... I have this feeling that if i don't I'm going to spend the rest of my porn free life wishing i watched it. If I do that the next day there will be something else... and before i know it I've been relapsing each day 1-2 times for weeks straight...

It is a terrible mentality to have and i hate it. I need to think that no matter what porn i watch and wank to it will only be a temporary relief and infact by next day i won't feel any kind of boost or sexual satisfaction from wanking to it... i mean how much porn have i watched... probably hundreds and thousands of videos/images... do i have a feeling of completion or sexual satisfaction from doing all of that? I don't think I do!

Wow we are so alike. I've been trying to quit for 3 years and I'm also an aspiring game developer. I'm going to university in 3 months to do game design. I've had 9 months (gap year) to quit porn and i've kept telling myself i will quit it before uni... time is running out.

I haven't even practiced barely any 3D work even though i know its something i enjoy/want to do... due to shocking concentration and motivation to do anything... even playing video games i get very bored doing... I know its nothing to do with me not finding something i like.

Don't let my porn day count fool you I'm on day 1... my porn blocker is stopping me from resetting it...

When you say you don't need it... is your sex life good now?

Andy have you tried cialis?

Agreed. When i've relapsed by watching porn... its the orgasm that makes me feel a real physical difference. On occasions i've relapsed without orgasming and it didn't seem to set me back as much.

Ages 20-29 / 3 years trying - Journal starting 18th
« on: May 18, 2017, 11:07:43 AM »
I've been trying to quit this addiction for 3 years. I hate myself for failing, especially early on as it was so much easier! I'm not going to say ''It's time to beat this shit'' because I've told myself that way too many times. I've been on wellbutrin which did help me feel content for a bit but really its not making me feel satisfied with life... its stopping me from going crazy and taking my life or something. I may up my dose to 450mg as some have reported that improved their depression. I think what may be causing me to relapse is just not having the motivation to do anything due to not enjoying anything. I know this is a bitch move and you should try to deal with shit without tablet but honestly I'd risk dying to beat this addiction at this stage... tablets aren't likely to do that so it's worth it to me. I've already spoken to over 3 different therapists, and while they did help me improve my perspective on life and people it hasn't been enough i suppose.

I'm going to university in just over 3 months... i really need to stop this shit now. I'm on a gap year. I'm not going to list my full life story i don't want to bore people but yeah I better beat this shit now. Uni can be a very lonely place early on... i know this when i went there one year ago. I left because i realised how much i wasn't interested in my subject. I've now pursued something i am interested in! What is fucking with me is i also plan on getting gyno surgery because my chest looks crap.

I'm not going to update this every day because honestly nothing changes for me over the space for a few days with rebooting.

What i don't understand with that first link is many men who reach past 90 days report their life changing drastically in terms of mental health, energy, sleep etc. I'm sure for some it may not being affecting them as much. But a bad enough addiction can cripple people. I don't think anyone can assume that for everyone or most people.

For me that first relapse feels great... which then makes me want to do it again only to find out this time it wasn't... and it only gets worse as i binge.

This quote is talking about when a PMO-er decided to relapse after a streak after all of the thoughts in his head convincing him to give up...
''At this stage the PMOer usually gives in. He fires up his browser and the schizophrenia increases. On the one hand there is the tremendous relief of ending the craving, when the little monster finally gets his fix; on the other hand, the orgasm is awful and the PMOer cannot understand why he is doing it. This is why the PMOer thinks he lacks willpower.''

Is it just me or is the first orgasm/relapse actually feel quite good? I have a strong orgasm and feel quite good afterwards. For me its the orgasms after the first 1 that start being shit and make me think urgh why do i even do this? Does this mean anything? And when i start bingeing i can go on for weeks without enjoying it but almost feeling like I'm being forced to... but yeah the initial orgasm for me personally feels good and makes me feel happier.

I think i may try increasing my wellbutrin dose from 300mg to 450mg. It has improved my mood a bit but im just too bummed out to do anything even though i want to. I know tablets aren't good etc but I'm really running out of ideas. I've been to two therapists (spoke to a phycastrist for a while which sort of worked as therapy). I'm going to university in about 120 days and i don't want to be depressed and wanking because i will bet $$$ for the first month or so i will be lonely.

Just to add I've tried quitting for 3 years. I'm at a point where even if the increase in tablets had say a small % of killing me it would probably be worth the risk.

What dose are you taking? Has it lifted your mood a lot? I'm taking 150mg at morning and at night (so 300mg a day). It doesn't have a huge affect so i may consider upping my dose I'm not sure.

I have a tight pelvic floor which does assist in causing ED but it also creates pain in the perineum which is basically the muscle from the anus to the scrotum (you do also feel it in the balls which is why i brought this up). I know this among-st chronic MOers who abused their pelvic floor is somewhat common. I'm probably completely off the mark on this one but i just thought I'd put it out there. Back when i didn't know what i was i had awful issues standing for long periods and also painful erections.

(1) How would you describe your depression and self-doubt from the bad habit... to others who have not lived through it?
Mood and motivation wise... well put it this way I don't really feel anything? I don't know whether I'm making a big deal out of nothing or if I am really depressed. But stuff i really enjoyed and would give me that dopamine/butterfly feeling in my chest as i was playing video games or doing something I enjoyed... now those things most of the time (not always) keeps me somewhat content ... or in other words stopping me from just lying in my bed and sleeping trying to imagine stuff that would make me happy/ feeling really angry and restless. Self doubt? I'm not really sure to be honest. I have doubted whether i was depressed and still do to an extent.
*The above is now. Actually back before I went on a AD drug ''wellbutrin'' which stabilized my mood as described above... things were a bit worse. I felt sad yes.. but most of the time i just felt very Irritable and restlessness which i suppose was due to unhappiness/boredom. Video games and even porn stopped giving me any kind of buzz. I use to have a awful time at school in my earlier years but i still was happy because i would be very relieved when i got him and i would play video games with mates and really feel like i was enjoying myself. That's why I think I likely am depressed... unless everyone is a lot happier in their youth and adult hood is just a dull affair in general... I don't know. But i just don't have the drive to do things i know i'm interested in the most.

(2) What is your story of how you knew you had a problem?
Well i seem to be a severe case ED wise compared to others. But i panicked and realized there was a problem when i started up my porn as usual and I was almost fully flaccid and i could barely get an erection to porn. Later that day I tried getting erection using hard strokes and thinking really hard about sexual stuff and yep... could barely get an erection. I started googling and I became relived when i found out about porn addiction and it all made sense. It didn't take me long to find out what was wrong (I've become quite good at investigating online). At school around this time I was still having a hard time and had terrible anxiety... i was honestly too worried about things (various big operations i had going on at the time) to realize that i wasn't enjoying life in the same way... it was sort of a gradual change... it wasn't anything overnight. But i can tell you that when a healthy young mans dick stops working it doesn't matter WHAT is going on in your life... you are going to question things ASAP.

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