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Messages - DormantWonders

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Ages 40 and up / To be One, with no negative habits.
« on: January 06, 2017, 03:27:17 PM »
    Hi All, wanted to say Hi and congratulate you all for doing your best to stop the addiction to porn and I wish us all a better present and future! I hope to support you all and be supported on this quest. Im on my 3rd attempt at NoFap, no P, what ever you want to call it. I tried twice and relapsed twice. I went 14 days both times. I don't consider them "fails" necessarily, since I see them as lessons. I am not happy with my self for stopping my streaks but, I must move on and try again. I slipped and saw my limits, my triggers and that this is not going to be easy but, I can try harder. I am now on my 3rd streak with 2 days down.
I am not necessarily trying to count or focus on day counting obsessively but, more on positive change and new habits. To try to be discipline and live by the lessons i learn here, on all forums that encourage recovery and commitment to stopping the porn habit. I appreciate you all. the info here and on YBOP,
and NoFap and anyone trying to create platforms to help us understand, become educated, recover from
the addiction and spread this knowledge to the youth. I wish you the Best.

 I will post more on my history so you get an understanding of my addiction but i wanted to just post for now. In Short, i'm 40, and have been fapping since i was 11-12, and of course the increase of access to P online turned me into an addict, I lost 2 decades of living low and hooked. I only started to really battle this addiction over the past 3 months. seriously. for the past 20 years I have wanted to stop but had no hope. I didn't know how, i couldn't and after finding these forums and platforms, is when I stepped up to becoming the man I always wanted to be. I truly hate the addiction, it has corrupted, and distorted my view of sex, sexuality, affection.

I have had ED problems where i would go limp with a real woman but not with P. and then again sometimes I'd over fapp and not be able to get up. I have watched shocking P. that I would seek just to get a rise in the dopamine hit, I would feel guilty and Horrible countless times, sitting with my pants around my ankles., busting into t-shirts, socks, home made vginas, out of things I don't even want to speak of. I mean gross stuff. low. low. self esteem to the lowest. Embarrassing acts, i lived in regret for years, too many years.

I truly know P is pure evil, bad, not good, how ever you want to word it. I would shut the blinds, in the dark, shut out the sun (god, source of life, the Sun! would not be alive without it,) i would turn my back on the source of Life. I would Isolate for days, not go to social event, be filled with guilt and shame so i wouldn't date, or in my relationships, I would be a creep sneaking around privately. or all distorted in my vibe, body language, and communication cuz, I was shook up after PMO or drained from PMO. I mean, I would trade Hours of potential creative, valuable time on P, for a few seconds of pleasure of hours of "ignorance is bliss" but it was always consequential.

Anyway, Im over it, I know there is no good in it.  i plan to write more positive in this journal. I want to be a good husband to my wife and only make love to her. I want to rid myself of this nasty habit. i wish to be happy, optimistic.  To be grateful for my Life and time on this earth and not take it for granted anymore. To not objectify women. I'd like to Not be hypnotized by lust, a selfish man constantly seeking sexual fantasy or pleasure. I want to live with dignity and be clean and good natured, with no guilt or shame holding me down. I would like to live to my fullest potential and meet my goals. Thanks for reading, and thank you for writing self. let do this!    "Intuition makes you feel uncomfortable, fantasy does not" - Caroline Myss

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