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Messages - anon89

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1
Ages 20-29 / Re: 28 y/o: Back on track after breakup and relapses
« on: September 19, 2018, 04:19:27 PM »
Hi! Haven't posted in a while.

The first half of the year, I stayed porn-free, and I didn't really feel any positive or negative effects.
I'm definitely happier, but I largely attribute that to getting a steady rewarding job with good colleagues, and making more of an effort to meet people.

This summer, I've fallen back into a weekly porn habit.
The porn hasn't had any drastic effects on me, but I never feel like it's worth it. It always feels like an undignified waste.
I won't bother keeping track of streaks, cause that can be an addiction of its own.

My standards for meeting girls have gone up. I've said no to girls I'd previously say yes to.
Physically attractive, but personality incompatibilities or no chemistry. I went through that before meeting my ex, and it's either hurt feelings, empty sex, ED, or a mix of all.
I feel like I'm in charge, which is how it should be. I feel a bit sexually frustrated, and I sometimes wonder if I'm too picky and being blinded by minor flaws. There's an argument to be made there, but it feels more right than not being picky enough.

Doing volunteer work has improved my social life a lot. I highly recommend it, if you can find something you're good at, which is teaching in my case.
At the same time, I haven't been going out enough during weekends. Sure, disliking cheesy clubs makes sense, but I realized staying alone in my apartment is way cheesier.
Besides, I've never regretted going out, but there have been several occasions where I've been bored alone in my apartment. I've had fun every time I've gone out lately.

This should be an exciting autumn!

2
Ages 20-29 / Re: 28 y/o: Back on track after breakup and relapses
« on: February 09, 2018, 02:59:52 PM »
Even with MO every 7-10 days and no gym, I still feel really great. I love my job, and taking initiative to being social is paying off now.

Abstinence or drastic reduction of MO has tremendous effects, but I've experienced the same effects from improved work and social life.

I will say, it's a bit distracting to feel so horny all the time. It gives me good energy in social situations, but while focusing at work it's kind of like getting an annoying fly in your face every 15-60 minutes.

Next step to work on is getting back into the gym. First time this year, I injured myself, and second time I got the second flu in two months. Should be good!

3
Ages 20-29 / Re: 28 y/o: Back on track after breakup and relapses
« on: January 15, 2018, 03:59:39 PM »
Just sent out messages to friends, planning to get together. Looking forward to it!

It's easy to just sit quietly and think nobody cares. There's definitely lots of good people in your town who feel the same as you.

4
Success Stories / Re: SUPER STEVE 90 - 90 DAY NO PMO!!!!
« on: January 14, 2018, 01:49:08 PM »
Thanks for being ballsy, Steve!

5
Ages 20-29 / Re: 28 y/o: Back on track after breakup and relapses
« on: January 14, 2018, 01:30:39 PM »
MO'd twice this weekend. Got it up just as easily as when I was 14.
The past few years, I've just done it out of habit, but now I actually felt a strong urge, so I'm okay with it.

However, I do notice how the feeling of things going well brings with it a risk of heading down the slippery slope.
I noticed myself briefly trying to rationalise porn use again, but keeping in mind previous experiences and successes (personal and other people's) convinced me otherwise.

My birthday is coming up in two weeks, so I will abstain from MO until then.

One big thing I've realised is that my social life depends on me being proactive, and keeping in touch with friends.
I don't mind spending time alone, but it gets boring, and I feel like it's having a negative effect on me.
Also, I see how being bored would make things really difficult if I were addicted to porn. It's probably the best worst way to instantly end boredom.

Edit: I realised my stomach has been going much more smoothly lately, with almost no gas, which I'm of course very happy about!
I've done an okay job at not overeating, and avoiding bad food. Don't wanna repeat that one time I turned down a girl because of my gas.

6
Ages 20-29 / Re: 28 y/o: Back on track after breakup and relapses
« on: January 12, 2018, 01:57:39 PM »
Sensitivity and excitement have gone up. Just drying up after shower gave me a semi.

Fantasizing should probably be limited, but I just found my mind wandering, and I got hard even before imagining her taking any clothes off. I even felt butterflies.

Nothing much to report otherwise. Mood feels stable and normal - a bit bored at times, but nothing bad.

7
Ages 20-29 / Re: 22 and about to kick this addiction.
« on: January 12, 2018, 01:57:25 PM »
Also majorly flat lining. Little me is enjoying a deep sleep. Rest up little man, you’ve been through a lot haha.

That's a good perspective on flatlining. :) All the best!

8
Ages 20-29 / Re: 28 y/o: Back on track after breakup and relapses
« on: January 08, 2018, 01:32:09 PM »
Thanks, and right back at you!

I got back online now because I found myself in a slippery slope situation.

I've MO'd a couple of times since last time, which in itself I think isn't a big deal. I haven't felt any positive or negative effects from it.

However, I just caught myself thinking porn isn't a big deal - everyone does it, I'm single anyway, work is going well, I've earned it, it would feel absolutely incredible, etc.


I think it's especially important to stay alert when things are going well - that's when I messed up last time.

Going back and remembering why helps: I really want my mood to be stable, I love getting excited about things again, walking confidently, feeling at ease with people, and not having to worry about sexual performance the next time I'm with someone.

Luckily, activities are starting up again around town - board game nights, dance classes, language meetups, sports, etc. Getting out of the house and seeing people really helps.


One thing that's frustrating me is how high my libido is, and I know several attractive girls who seem interested, but I'm not interested in being alone with them other than for sex.

I've gone down that path before, and although it's fun right then and there, my lack of interest the next days and their potentially hurt feelings doesn't feel right.

I think it's better to just appreciate that tension/energy, let it be there between us, and I'll use it for other things.

9
Ages 20-29 / Re: This Needs to Stop Now!
« on: December 30, 2017, 04:32:19 PM »
Your story sounds a bit similar to mine. I did fix my ED and got a girlfriend earlier this year, but fell back into old habits when she went away for an extended period of time.

Anyway, my main focus was initially to fix my ED, but the main benefit for me is honestly my mood - it's far more upbeat and just feels normal - and all emotions seem stronger. It's really nice.

I've also experienced feeling more comfortable and relaxed in social situations.

10
Ages 20-29 / Re: 28 y/o: Back on track after breakup and relapses
« on: December 30, 2017, 04:07:08 PM »
Also, I spent literally all day on my laptop. Some of it is productive and worthwhile, but a lot of it seems like information overload that doesn't stick.

I've read books on what the Internet is doing to our brains. I was nodding in agreement when reading it, and went online the next day while shrugging my shoulders. :D

11
Ages 20-29 / Re: 28 y/o: Back on track after breakup and relapses
« on: December 30, 2017, 01:49:13 PM »
Is MO without P a relapse?

MO'd yesterday after 27 days (no porn, no high speed death grip).

The first 2-3 weeks, I had plenty of focus and energy for computer programming and reading, but this past week I found the urges and groin pressure intensely distracting.

To be honest, I'm okay with it. I feel relief and energy, and I'm already set to make it through January.
These first weeks really did me a lot of good, and I'm curious to see whether abstaining has a positive effect on sex next time I'm with someone.

Day 14-27: effects

So, what's new? When I got home to my parents, I was in top shape the first two days, doing stretches and pushups when I got up.
Then I got hit hard by the flu, which I'm still not entirely rid of.
Still, my mood stayed positive and stable, and I was glad to have family members see me happy. No noteworthy experiences beyond that.

About resetting counters

I don't think I agree with people resetting their counters to 0 after relapsing.
I've gone from 20-30 times per month to twice per month - that's a huge reduction that definitely doesn't warrant a 0.
Maybe subtract a few days from your number, but people setting it to 0 seems overly harsh.

12
Ages 20-29 / Re: 28 y/o: Back on track after breakup and relapses
« on: December 15, 2017, 01:04:06 PM »
Day 13

- I seem to be overeating and snacking instead of relapsing. It's easy to rationalise since I'm lifting weights and I look athletic, but the stomach troubles aren't worth it. I feel much better after fasting for 24 hours though.

- My general mood is stable from day to day - relaxed, positive and assertive, without being forced or over the top. I experience negative and positive feelings instead of apathy or cynicism. This is easily my favourite benefit of rebooting.

- I went out to a loud pub with some friends, and I had no problems making my voice loud enough, or hearing what people were saying! This was a new experience for me. I also didn't get tired, even though we stayed out very late.

- Previously, I've sometimes felt kind of shy or awkward around very attractive girls or dominant guys. Going out yesterday, I was just saying what's on my mind, feeling at ease and excited.

- Just like last reboot, I want to ask girls out. I've previously had a more indifferent attitude about dating, but now it seems more exciting. Feels like my early teens again.

- I've lived by myself since 2013. This is the first time I leave behind a clean apartment and no dirty dishes before going home for Christmas. Maybe it's the Jordan Peterson effect.


Some of these effects I think are definitely because of nofap, while others are helped by recent improvements in my life situation.

Even though I did a reboot last year, I was skeptical when hearing about other guys' experiences again, but now I find many of them to be almost identical to mine.

I'm still kind of quiet or reclusive sometimes, but I don't feel bad about it or restrained by it, and that's a huge difference.

13
Ages 20-29 / Re: 28 y/o: Back on track after breakup and relapses
« on: December 11, 2017, 08:55:24 AM »
I think it's been 9 days now.

Whenever I'm walking, my chest and chin stay up, and my shoulders stay back. I also feel taller, and more excited when talking to people.

It's easier to get off my chair to do something, like go for a walk, go to the gym, or even do some housework.

My sleep is a bit mixed, but I think that might be because I'm eating too late or too much in the evening, or maybe my brain is resetting.

I came close to relapsing yesterday. A movie had an unexpected nude scene in it, and I felt really excited, like butterflies up to my chest.
I started thinking about how I'm not addicted, going one week is a long time for most guys, bothered by blue balls, reward for doing well at work, etc.

The rationalizations were all true, and I honestly think it wouldn't have been a big deal. However, I'd like to stay on track for a whole month, just to get my mind working at 100% again after the autumn of relapse.

Having some major blue balls now, but I'll manage.

14
Ages 20-29 / Re: My Journal about reboot (28, PIED)
« on: December 08, 2017, 01:31:12 AM »
Haha, so much positive energy! Merry christmas!

15
Ages 20-29 / Re: 28 y/o: Back on track after breakup and relapses
« on: December 08, 2017, 01:26:25 AM »
Well, I was already doing most of these to varying degrees, and I've previously read up on the basics of all of these topics, so I think it should be manageable.

Many guys probably go too hard, but my problem in the past has been the opposite, telling myself to go easy and not wear myself out. This gets me into my head, and back into bad habits.

Luckily, I was never addicted, so giving up porn was the easy part for me.

Thanks for the positive vibes, Jack!

16
Ages 20-29 / Re: 28 y/o: Back on track after breakup and relapses
« on: December 07, 2017, 02:14:36 PM »
Looking after what I eat will definitely be a priority, as well as making sure I don't overeat.

I overate a lot of crap the day I started this journal (cake, sandwiches, snacks, etc.), and it really messed up my stomach. Don't know if it was the food, but I was really in a bad mood all yesterday, which is unusual for me. Anger and irritation are better than apathy though.

I've looked into paleo and intermittent fasting before, so I'll try something along those lines the next few days.

Feeling much better today, so no problems. Lifted weights early in the morning, which was heavier than usual, but coming to work feeling strong and energised was great!

17
Ages 20-29 / 28 y/o: Back on track after breakup and relapses
« on: December 05, 2017, 02:03:48 PM »
Hi, everyone! I did my first reboot last autumn/winter, and it went really well. Luckily, I was never addicted to porn, but I did masturbate too much (almost daily on average).

Here's my previous journal for those interested: http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=10802

First reboot results

I noticed most of the improvements guys often talk about (much better mood, better posture, deeper voice, increased libido, easier time talking to people, humming tunes randomly, etc). I had no problems giving up porn, so I realise my story might not resonate with everyone.

The reboot partly motivated me to ask out a girl that I really liked, and we had a relationship for a few months. (I should add that I've previously read up quite a bit on dating advice, masculinity and sexuality, which has benefitted me quite a lot.) This was my first ever girlfriend, at the age of 28.

My ED problems were almost non-existant with her, so I think the previous ED embarrasments were largely a result of hooking up with girls that I wasn't fully comfortable with or into beyond fooling around. Of course, the excessive masturbation didn't help.

Relationship experiences

Things were euphoric the first couple of months, and we had some great times together. I've never had such effortless and enjoyable contact with anyone, both conversational and physical.

The breakup was tough, but it forced me to learn about my self: It took a while, but looking back now, I see that I avoided confronting/acknowledging her negatives sides, didn't ask her tough questions, didn't take the lead properly in various situations, and centered my life around her instead of having a proper direction of my own.

Ultimately, I'm very thankful to have gained such insight, and also to be able to realise all the things I did right. Rebooting isn't everything - you still need to build your character, knowledge, masculinity, etc., but it definitely brings those things forward.

Relapse period

Post-breakup until recently, I went back to PMO maybe 4-5 times a month for relief. Nothing bad happened, but nothing good either.

I did go to job interviews, and ended up getting a great job that I find fulfilling, challenging and enjoyable. I've also had some really fun times, so it's not like relapses undo previous efforts, or take away the character you've built up throughout your life.

Essentially, it feels like previous periods where I've avoided physical activity. It doesn't hurt me in the short term, but I do notice the love handles sneaking up on me. Lately, I've felt tired and been kind of bothered by certain things, so it's time to get going again.

Going forward

My reason for rebooting the first time around was to fix my ED. This time around, I wanna look at several things, such as:
  • My social life. I guess I'm a social introverted guy. I enjoy meeting people, but I have a strong tendency to stay by myself in my apartment. I have fulfilling hobbies, but I want to see my friends more.
  • Fitness. I lift weights 3x/week, and attend dance classes, so I'm not a slob, but I sit too much on my ass outside of that. My friends struggle with the same, so I think we can motivate each other.
  • Mental clarity/being more awake. Brain fog gets in the way throughout the day, and I'd like to have more energy. I'm considering quitting coffee. Going for daily walks should also help with this.
  • Diet. I fart too much, I get slight stomach aches, and I have a tendency to over-eat. Thinking back, I've actually declined a couple of potential hook-ups because of it. My neighbours have had success eliminating sugar and flour, so I'm gonna give that a go.
  • Dating. I'm looking forward to sharing growth and passion with a beautiful woman again. I've met some the past months, but I've simply chickened out from asking them out.

I recently went two weeks until last weekend, and noticed the same benefits that I mentioned initially, so I'm ready to get going again.

Maybe it's the Jordan Peterson binge I've been on recently, but I'm really enjoying getting my act together.

18
Ages 20-29 / Re: My Journal about reboot (28, PIED)
« on: July 23, 2017, 11:41:08 AM »
For sure! It's good to feel that energy again.

19
Glad to hear! Yeah, I think connection is an important thing to consider, instead of just saying it's 100% ED.

20
Background

I was never really into porn, so giving it up was not a problem at all. I did masturbate (maybe 70-90% hard) almost daily though.
First time with a girl at 21 (got ED), first and only intercourse at 23, and then nothing without ED until now.

On average, I went to bed with maybe 1 girl a year, and always had unreliable erections. I thought it was just performance anxiety, as I was in good shape and eating well.

Last autumn after yet another ED, I went to Google and got the answers I needed!

Rebooting

Giving up (P)MO made me feel more drive, and stabilised my mood at a noticeably better level, but after a few months and meeting a new girl, I still experienced ED.

Then a bit later, I met someone I was genuinely interested in, and things went way better!
I got hard relatively easily, even with a condom on, and had intercourse for the first time in almost 5 years.

I feel much more attracted to girls nowadays, but I want to be with the one I'm seeing at the moment.

Looking back

For me, porn was never the problem. Reducing masturbating to a minimum helped, but in terms of ED, I think my main problem was performance anxiety due to lack of emotional connection with partners.

I would love to hear if others have had similar stories.

You can read my full background story and journal here: http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=10802.0

Thanks, everyone!

21
Back with a struggle+success story!

1:
A few weeks ago, I was in bed with someone I met at a party, and had the same problems as before (soft halfway erections).
I had a couple of PMOs since new year's, but I don't know how much those affected the situation. I think the determining factor was that I wasn't really interested in her, apart from sex.

2:
Last week, I went to bed with someone I had been on a few dates with, who I really liked and had a connection with, and things went so much better!
I felt very relaxed, managed relatively easily to get hard enough for intercourse, even with a condom on. Last time that happened was almost 5 years ago.

The two women were comparable in terms of physical attractiveness, but that's of course not all that matters.
Looking back, I think my situation has been more related to performance anxiety (and lacking emotional connection with partners) than erectile dysfunction. Maybe 80/20?

ED or not, I'm still very glad to have gotten a basic understanding of porn/ED/dopamine/neuroplasticity/etc. I'm seeing a wonderful woman, and things are going well.

Thanks for your support, everyone!

22
Sounds plausible to me. When watching porn, your caveman brain basically tells you to impregnate every single one of these naked horny willing women that surround you. The brain adjusts to this new norm, and when you're with one partner, it's not quite as exciting.

Watching porn regularly makes your brain set up a sort of "hearing protection" from the crazy amount of dopamine signals. This works for porn, since you're basically standing next to the sex equivalent of stadium concert speakers, but this "hearing protection" can take a long time to remove. Regular sex then becomes like trying to have a whispering conversation while wearing hearing protection with built-in radio. At least that's how I view it.

1. Check out Noah Church's and Gabe Deem's videos.
- https://www.youtube.com/user/bvrningqvestions/videos
- https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCaEqbNJURD6ChROqueUdNuA/videos

2. Read this: https://www.amazon.com/Your-Brain-Porn-Pornography-Addiction/dp/099316160X/

3. Try to go a couple of weeks without masturbating. I've gone 18 days now, with a previous record of one month. I feel so energized and horny, like I'm 14 again.

My case is similar to yours - I also didn't watch porn much, but I masturbated a lot. I never had erection problems by myself - only with others. I'm single, so I don't know the results yet, but I'm optimistic about regaining my erections in 2017.

23
Ages 20-29 / Re: 27 years old: Porn- or masturbation-induced ED?
« on: January 02, 2017, 10:24:12 AM »
Have had MO a couple of times after last post, and abstained since mid december.

Spent christmas holidays at my parents' place, and not once did I feel depressed or sorry for myself. This hasn't been the case for probably 10 years, and it's fantastic to have my family and friends finally see me feeling like I should.

I largely think this is because of rebooting, and also to an extent because I've read up on conservative politics and values, which feels like stepping away from victimhood mentality.

24
Ages 20-29 / Re: 27 years old: Porn- or masturbation-induced ED?
« on: November 29, 2016, 05:39:50 PM »
(Barely) managed to have intercourse once with the same girl as last time, which was nice.
It did get easier, as suggested above, so PA is probably something I'll have to overcome in addition to ED.

However, she turned out to have extremely strong feelings for me, while I wasn't into her at all beyond hooking up to be honest.
She kept messaging me all the time, and pouring her heart out, so I had to "break up" with her. I now see the value in taking things a bit more slow when meeting women.

I PMO'd twice yesterday. On one hand (ha!) it felt amazing, and I got fully erect, but the constant search for novelty and the emptiness afterwards didn't feel in line with my character any more.
For the first time in years, I'm tempted to find a girlfriend, while at the same time not -needing- it. It's a good feeling.

25
Ages 20-29 / Re: 27 years old: Porn- or masturbation-induced ED?
« on: October 31, 2016, 04:50:30 PM »
Not much has happened recently. I masturbated again last week, but it didn't feel as good as when I had waited a month. I'm reverting back to only ejaculating during sex.

I did manage to get hard enough (sort of) for handjobs yesterday when hooking up, but it took at least an hour, and the erections were kind of sloppy. Same story as a couple of years back, but at least now I'm viewing it as training and rewiring of the brain. Also, she and I had a good time, of course.

Still got a long way to go, feeling a bit frustrated, but I know almost all guys need way more than 6 weeks.



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