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Messages - NewVerse

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Ages 40 and up / Re: I think I have a problem
« on: February 16, 2019, 01:54:22 PM »
p. I go from feeling very lonely and hopeless to feeling, at times, optimistic. That if I focus my dating on making a real connection, I'll find someone I click with, and my fears about being a bit of a loner, a lack of relationship history, won't be a factor. Or at least less of one. Trying to focus on my good qualities and what I can offer. Also on what I want, which is something I often don't think about, due to low self-esteem. I think people with healthy self-esteem feel is their, and other's, right to pursue why they want. Seems obvious but really hasn't been the case with me.

I relate to this part so much. I can feel on top of the world and then be around people who will have a conversation that immediately makes me feel like a kid who was allowed to stay up late and talk to the grown ups at the party. Usually people a little bit younger than me, I get plunged down to earth and I start thinking escape which often leads me back to binging.

I have stopped worrying about flat out admitting to someone I haven't been in a relationship in quite some time. Watching people who seem to function normally, and effortlessly can be disheartening. You never really know anyone though.

Ages 40 and up / Re: I think I have a problem
« on: February 07, 2019, 10:51:14 PM »
Yeah I think if she ever expresses interest, it would be because she's lonely and wants to be with someone, not necessarily because we'd be a good fit. She's struggling being in a new city and kind of put her hopes in the guy she was seeing to help her with that. When taking about that, I really felt for her. She's revealed some of her insecurities, and that made me feel close to her and that I could trust her. But then the next time I saw her she was in her negative, judgmental mode. Also, she can be manipulative. It's best if I pull back a bit. She has other friends and family she's in contact she can lean on.

The date went well. We had things in common to talk about. The conversation didn't really seem forced. I kind of knew going in I wasn't all that physically attracted to her, and I bet that lessened my anxiety. My dating coach said to not make that a huge focus because that might develop I'd there's an emotional connection. But I don't think a physical attraction would develop here. Just getting out there and practicing and experiencing dates helps.

My counter says I'm at 61 days without PMO. No urges as I focus on really meeting someone and trying out living with self-respect.

Glad the date went well even if there weren't sparks. Sometimes I wish physical attraction was less important to me than it is. Years back I let someone get away who was on every other level as close to my soulmate as one could get, but physically the complete opposite. I always wished I could get past it, because looks are ultimately meaningless, but seeing that I have enough trouble "performing" for someone I find attractive, there wasn't much hope. She wound up hating me but I tried to make it as much about me being screwed up as possible and not her ,but she's smart so I'm sure she knew on some level.

61 days is awesome. I have actually never heard of a dating coach. Is it something that happens through therapy or a separate thing?

Ages 40 and up / Re: If not now, when?
« on: February 07, 2019, 10:33:39 PM »
Yeah I've gotten that cocky feeling before and thinking there's nothing wrong with a little peek or exchange, and that's all it'd be. But it's never not ended in a binge for me. Hope you can ride out this urge. Being busy always helps.

I'd be interested in knowing how the ED meds play out if you go that route. It does seem that if it helps make things work out initially with a new person, that would be useful.

It usually starts with a peek. I'm still being stubborn with Instagram. Women are just so damn beautiful its hard to have so much access and not look. I excuse it by it not being porn, or using it more as inspiration than triggers. I still think there's a balance even though it's just denial. These days it triggers urges more than anything else.

Doctor said there's no guarantee meds will work if my problem is psychological but said it could possibly give me the push I need if that's the case,. I didnt tell him anything about my addiction but I told him about my last experience and failure and how its kept me from even trying the last couple of years, and that I feel like my brain is wired to to react to fantasy over human contact. He wrote me for a light dose, and wants to test my testosterone levels just in case

Ages 40 and up / Re: If not now, when?
« on: February 06, 2019, 10:57:10 PM »
Pulling for you, man! I hope you can remember how much better you feel when you're in control and not at the mercy of your urges. Do you actually plan your PMO/binges ahead of time?

On the E.D. meds, I'm not familiar with how they work, but will they work if there's no physical issue - if it's only nerves or fear or whatever is going on in someone's head?

Thanks Detente, I appreciate it. I hope so too. Despite the urges I feel pretty good this week which is a strange combo. I'm doing everything right. Diet, exercise, meditating. I'm feeling more sure of myself, stronger, focused.  All those benefits I feel on a clean streak. At the same time urges and thoughts are flooding. It's not a new thing for me. I get this overconfident feeling where I almost think a binge won't phase it. Its BS of course. Binging always pulls the plug and drains that good energy right out. Its probably some form of subconscious self sabotage

I dont necessarily plan them but whenever I'm on a clean streak and thoughts start taking over. I start thinking about new profiles and identities. Pathetic fetish stuff. Other times its spontaneous. Fortunately I dont have time. I'm hoping that and potential actual dating prospects can help me ride this storm out.

I've heard mixed things regarding meds. I dont have any experience with them aside from trying half a V once which didn't do much. They're primarily for physical issues, but I'm hoping they can act as a booster to someone I'm already attracted to.

Ages 40 and up / Re: I think I have a problem
« on: February 06, 2019, 04:20:54 PM »

I don't know if I've explained it well.  I'm too lazy to go back and read my old posts, but I might have said I thought at one point she was interested in me, but I definitely don't think so now.  We met through a dating site.  We've become friends since she moved to my city and in my neighborhood, and now we're coworkers.  I've kind of helped her out a bit as she settles in and struggles to get connections going here, and I think I still feel foolish and a bit of a loser because she and I didn't go anywhere.  And then it really hurt when she started dating someone and telling me about him, including that they'd slept together.

When he basically ghosted on her, she was crushed, and I listened to her and offered advice, and I saw her more vulnerable side.  But then she was back to being very judgmental the last time I hung out with her, about the city, the people here, nightlife, coworkers, etc.  Some of the things she was judgy about made me question myself, as I don't live up to her standards.  And she is passive-aggressive at times, and I feel she's making digs at me, although I could be imagining things.  I also feel vulnerable about her seeing me and my life -- the quality of my life and relationships, and basically the kind of the defectiveness I feel about myself, that if someone gets to know me they won't like me.

Bottom line is we just don't share the same values and interests and tempermant, and instead of simply recognizing that for what it is, I'm beating myself.  And when she'd judgmental and complaining, I get more reserved and withdraw, and also realize it's just a negative vibe that brings me down.  So I think based on all the above, it'll be good to pull back a bit.  It's not my responsibility to get her life set up and be her sounding board, especially on dating.  I can help out but it's also important to life my life according to who I am, my interests, my style.

Date #2 of 2019 is tomorrow.  I'll try to go into it with an open and curious and optimistic mindset.   In any event it'll be good practice.

Still no PMO or temptation.

That's right, I do recall you saying you weren't a match, and I may have interpreted as her being interested, and you weren't. This makes sense. She was at least slightly in the very beginning given the way you met, but not now. Given what you have told me you may not be imagining or overthinking that she's also judging you or taking passive aggressive shots, and I would imagine that triggers certain self-worth issues you may have, but it's obviously hard to tell her intention not being there. It's probably better you know now if you are not a good match if it ever would come down to her expressing interest. It doesn't sound like she's healthy for you to be around, but again I can only go by what I read here.

Hope your date goes well!

Ages 40 and up / Re: If not now, when?
« on: February 06, 2019, 01:32:54 PM »
Hope the Super Bowl party went well.  The game was boring as hell so hopefully that gave you a chance to talk to that dating prospect at some length.

Congrats on three weeks out from your binge. Onward!

Ha! she wasn't there. I am not sure if her not being there had anything to do with me at all, but that's a whole other story.
The game was pretty bad. The company was good so the party itself was cool.

I'm seeing my doctor this week, and I'll probably ask for some ED meds. Replying in another post made me realize a statistic that I had never thougth of. That my first attempt is usually everything. If I failed on the first try, I would fail on subsequent attempts because it was too much in my head.
This happened as a teen with the first 2 girls I tried to have sex with. It also happened with the last woman.

Other times if I nailed it on the first try, it was never an issue again. Even the times when I struggled or failed initially, as long as I recovered that first night I would be ok.
That recovery might have been a matter of soldering through it and getting out of my own head, or just admitting to her I was a bit nervous or that it's been a while. Usually she would be understanding and before I knew it we were going at it. It was always the times when I tried to play it cool, blaming alcohol or the condom, or acting like I was just as surprised as her. Those were all no goes no matter how many attempts. Being dishonest and phony about it probably played a role. I'm counting 5 total that were complete failures.

I guess what I'm saying is I hope the little blue pill can help me get over that initial hump.

I'm coming up on 4 weeks but I'm in a rough patch as far as urges. My mind is at war with itself with with part of me planning my next binge, and part of me getting ready for dating again. So far I am too busy to binge, and that is giving my rational brain a slight edge over chimp brain. Hoping I can push through this.

Ages 40 and up / Re: I think I have a problem
« on: February 02, 2019, 08:53:29 PM »
Just checking in. No PMO or temptations to report. Feeling blue right now. Has to do with my friend who started then stopped dating someone that threw me into the tailspin. One day this week she was pouring her heart out to me and I felt connected to get and sort of ... useful to her. But today back to her more judgmental mode, which in turn makes me feel I don't measure up. Not that we're dating or anything. It just makes me question myself, my interests and personality and reserved self.

I have another date this upcoming week, but to be honest I'm not all that excited. She wrote to me first. But I'm really trying to just get out there. She's got some interests in common. Not as attractive as I'd like, but at least I have more photos to look at than the first girl.

I really need to take control of my life and move it in the direction I want.

Sorry to hear you are feeling blue. It does sound at least from your posts that your friend feels a connection to you, but she's a judgy kind of person which reminds you while you are not dating her, but also makes you feel kind of shitty? Im not sure if I'm reading that correctly?

Good luck on your date. Give it a shot. You never know, especially since your expectations are different this time.

Ages 40 and up / Re: If not now, when?
« on: February 02, 2019, 06:12:36 PM »
21 days clean.
Mild urges today. Tomorrow is saving me from myself because there's a woman I'll likely see at a Super bowl party who is a potential dating prospect. I would just as soon not go than to show up to that thing fresh off of a binge feeling like some beta male weakling.

I'm still trying to capture that feeling of momentum from my last streak. My MW still hasn't returned at least not in full force. I think my slip knocked me back further than I had hoped. After 80 days, I slipped for a couple days, stayed clean for a week or so, then spent a week binging. That week is what trampled my progress.

Still an uphill trek

Ages 40 and up / Re: 30yearsgone Journal
« on: January 28, 2019, 03:33:33 AM »
Checking in. How are you feeling,  30?

Ages 40 and up / Re: My new day 1
« on: January 28, 2019, 03:32:21 AM »
Thanks for sharing your story Rhyno. It sounds like you are off to a great start  i wouldn't worry too much about exact numbers of days. The important thing is you are improving. I count to try and use it as motivation but recovery time is different for everyone.  MW is always a good sign. I had it regularly on my last long streak and am barely starting to get it back.

As for how to tell your wife, I'll step back and let some of the married men in here field that one :)

Best of luck to you.

Ages 40 and up / Re: Wow! How did i get here?
« on: January 27, 2019, 10:04:55 PM »
We were a little drunk and I couldn't get it up, which I think had more to do with performance anxiety than the booze.  I think this humiliating experience has stuck with me to this day and always have struggled with the initial counter with a woman. 

Yes I completely relate to this. The initial encounter has always determined everything for me. There were a few girls in my younger years who I never got it up for and it was deeply humiliating and emasculating. This was pre-internet, so I remember even going to the library to try to find information on why. There were 2 or 3 others where I struggled a bit on our first encounter. I just admitted it was nerves and we would soldier through it together. Before I knew it we were good, and i would have no trouble after that.

It's almost weird that i have never thought about this statistic until now. if I didn't get it up on the first encounter, I'd either never get a second shot, or continue to fail on subsequent attempts. For the ones who i succeeded with on the fist encounter, ED was never a problem.

Congrats on hitting 30 days and 1/3 of your goal. Everyone's recovery is different. My last long run I went around 80 days which was my longest. I'm back on 15 now. After 30-40 daays you will start developing habits of staying clean, and in another month you'll feel a buffer between you and your urges (at least that's how it was for me). Just don't get over or under confident. This addiction can be tricky but it's not invincible. 

Ages 40 and up / Re: Reboot - on steroids
« on: January 27, 2019, 09:45:43 PM »
This is great information, thank you. I have a couple of pills, but I will probably ask my doc for some more. I'm definitely aware of the issue of focusing on the wrong thing or on whether things will "work", instead of on her or being in the moment. My experiences both good and bad have rested on that. I'm hoping the pill can get me over the hump.

Thank you. I really appreciate the intel and encouragement.

Ages 40 and up / Re: Reboot - on steroids
« on: January 26, 2019, 10:03:51 PM »
Hey guys,
Wondering if I could ask an ED med question or two since everyone in here seems to have experience with them. I haven't had sex with anyone in years due to this addiction and fear of ED. ED killed my last attempt at a relationship. The most I have ever taken was half a blue pill, and it didn't do much for me. For that reason I have avoided opportunities. I want to get back out there soon, and I have a prospect who I keep stalling for because I don't want to go through this again. I realize part of this is my brain being wired to react to porn and chat, and the other is plain performance anxiety. My experience in the past with PA is once I get it in the first time, I am usually good as long as I am in the moment. My hope is that meds could springboard me past the PA part of this and give me some confidence.

Does one type work better than the other for you? Are you taking it a half hour or so before when you know you'll be intimidate? Are your partners aware?

Ages 40 and up / Re: If not now, when?
« on: January 24, 2019, 02:16:29 PM »
Thanks everyone

Detente - RE: "super power" mojo. I seem to always hit a spot after 5 days or so, or sometimes after 2 weeks clean, where my confidence spikes. My voice deepens, my head is held higher, I'm more confident looking people in the eye and I stop feeling inferior to others. I have heard it described by the no-fap people as "super powers". I assume it's some sort of testosterone spike, or maybe a re-calibration of brain chemicals of sorts. In reality it is probably nothing more than contrast to the crappy exhausted feeling we get when binging. Whatever it is, it may be my favorite thing about staying clean. It will usually either fade or maybe it just balances out to you don't notice that it is how "normal" is supposed to feel.

Rex - Release valve is a perfect description. There always comes this point where the voice wants me to just "let go", and it's immediately relieving to jump back into a binge. That relief has never failed to make me feel ultimately worse. I still fail to understand how I know better and do it anyway.

workinprogressuk - I really appreciate that. I suppose its a thing where when I slipped, I didn't want to come in here and post only to slip again 2 days later. I needed some sense of momentum before returning here. Probably not the best approach. It's hard to say really.

Ages 40 and up / Re: I think I have a problem
« on: January 24, 2019, 02:03:28 PM »

Thanks. No, I wrote her and said I only had platonic feelings. I'm really disappointed because we had a lot of commonalities and had done a lot of messaging up until we met. And just being out there in a date really triggered my low self-worth, self-criticism. I'm actually in a bag place even though I think she was interested in me and in that sense the date was successful.

This whole thing seems like such a mountain to climb. I'm pretty scared and lonely. Also I'm pretty sick right now.

No PMO urges, so that's good.

It's rough when you build up hope in your head about someone, especially since you seemed to be connecting prior to the date. I wish I was less superficial to be honest. I let a couple good ones get away over the years, but seeing that I've had PIED with attractive women, there isn't much hope with someone I have zero attraction to.

It sounds like you are being too hard on yourself, though I understand how you feel. I Hope feel better soon

Ages 40 and up / Re: 30yearsgone Journal
« on: January 23, 2019, 01:57:39 PM »
Good to hear your scare was just a scare. Health is so important.
I'm coming off a stutter step and am back on the wagon myself so I understand.
I know exactly what you're saying about wanting that feeling back. I have simulated it so much in chat it feels like that part it's broken, but I believe it's possible if we heal our brains.

Ages 40 and up / Re: I think I have a problem
« on: January 23, 2019, 01:52:55 PM »
Glad to hear you are seeing a therapist and starting to date a bit
One picture profiles always have me weary haha, but it's great that you are putting yourself out there!
Do you think you'll see her again?

Ages 40 and up / Re: If not now, when?
« on: January 23, 2019, 01:49:40 PM »
Detente, Rex,
I appreciate you guys checking in.
A couple weeks ago I went on a bit of a bender unfortunately that lasted around a week. I'm back on the wagon now, and I think I'm around day 10, and doing well I suppose.
Trying to get that focus back. Last weekend the girl who had been the inspiration for my longest streak contacted me again, which screwed me up because had I not fallen I'd have been on 100 days or so instead of 6. I don't know what will happen with that. I'm kind of considering just going out with her and let the chips fall where they may. We'll see.

I hope you all are doing well. I'll try to post more often. It's hard to come here when you're down that rabbit hole. I will say that the contrast is incredible. The exhaustion and lack of confidence when I'm binging is something else. I feel better. That 'super power' mojo hasn't really kicked in. That's always my favorite part so I at least look forward to that!

Ages 40 and up / Re: Terrible Suffering And Great Victory
« on: January 03, 2019, 03:53:57 PM »
Triple digits! Congratulations to you Rex, that's awesome.
I Hope your health issues continue to improve. Happy new year to you sir.

Ages 40 and up / Re: If not now, when?
« on: January 03, 2019, 03:52:09 PM »

Don't beat yourself up about the slide back, it has happened before to all of us.  The important thing which you are doing is to get back on the wagon.  The hardest part is the week or two after a fall when you have been on a long reboot is to go into a PMO marathon, don't fall for this trickery.  This will lead to weeks and months stuck in PMO.  It has been a trap I have fallen so easily into in the past. Keep focusing on the 90+ days you went free from PMO and how you are going to beat that streak.


Very true. I haven't been to hard on myself, but as you said, I need the momentum back of a week or two. I think if I get through this weekend smoothly, I will be back on track. I'm still getting morning wood which is a clear sign I didn't lose ALL my progress. If I were to slip for the next couple of weeks, I would be back to square one. I am not necessarily as focused as I want to be though that is in part because life is very busy this week.

Ages 40 and up / Re: I think I have a problem
« on: January 03, 2019, 03:47:04 PM »

Can I ask, when do you think you'll know you're over PIED? Have you had it before and overcome it?  If so, how did you know you were ready to be with someone in person? Or is it sort of a calculated risk? When I am in fantasy world I'm not even sure I'm hard most of the time. That's why I became worried about PIED. Fantasizing about real women I've been with has helped reassure me. However, the next time I'm with someone, someone I'm really interested in and therefore when I'm vulnerable, it's possible i wouldn't be able to perform. But no reason to worry about that now.

I'm getting closer to finalizing an appointment with the therapist. I'm discouraged though about how far she is away from me. In-person appointments would be tough to get to. She works over the phone, but I think in-person is vastly better for therapy.

I assume it will be have to be a calculated risk. I suppose there are other variables, or clues that I'm improving. MW being the earliest sign, or do I get aroused thinking about her or by physical contact,  Then there's the question of how much of it is simply performance anxiety. How much am I enjoying the moment, as opposed to worrying about having to "perform". These have all been factors in success and failures in the past. I haven't tried since I've known PIED was an actual thing, but I always had some idea that porn affected my sex life negatively.

Ages 40 and up / Re: I think I have a problem
« on: January 02, 2019, 04:26:44 AM »
I didn't have too much fun at the party, but I guess I'm glad I forced myself to do something. My friend is younger, so the people there were too, and I felt old. I think I've reconfirmed for myself that I'm not interested in dating her.

I spent the early part of the day very depressed and despondent, and watching videos on various counseling approaches and concepts again with the hope of finding a path to get myself "fixed." I'm pretty sure I know where my tendency to isolate and feel alienated from people comes from. The prospect of being able to overcome that at this age is daunting, maybe it's too ingrained. And I felt it strongly again, from last night at the party. My tendency to close off and not trust certainly will come up in dating. But watching some of those videos gave me some hope. And I have more perspective now than I did when I was younger. I'll see how it goes when I see this therapist, as well as another one I might go with.

An attractive woman "liked" my profile on a dating site. Normally I'd sit and analyze and rank possibilities and all that, but I think I should just write her and say hello and see what happens. I have to change up my approach to life. Stop trying to manage everything and go with the flow a bit.

Are you not interested in her because she's younger? Just about everyone I attract is younger than me. The "opportunity" that presented itself 2 days into my relapse is really attractive and 26 years old. I can't believe that's damn near two decades younger than me! I won't lie that on a physical level that attracts me greatly, but outside of that I can't see myself hanging out with a bunch of 20 somethings and being the old guy. We probably don't have much in common, on the other hand she's not some kind of party girl. She has two kids, so she's in that way more of a "grown up" than I am. I mostly tend to attract women in their 30s which works for me. I don't look my age and I only ever feel old when people actually ask how old I am and am forced to remember I'm old. And if I'm going to be the older guy, i certainly can't be the older guy with ED.

Hopefully you'll message the woman who liked your profile. Nothing ventured, nothing gained

Ages 40 and up / Re: If not now, when?
« on: December 31, 2018, 09:03:45 PM »
Do you normally want it, or just when you're feeling down and stressed out?  Do you typically have these underlying urges?

This is a good question. I don't really know the answer. Urges aren't a constant thing for me. This last time was a gradual thing. I can even see it coming reading through my recent posts. I break down bit by bit, peek here and there, then stop. Keep dipping my toe until I get pulled in. I slipped on Christmas night, and I actually had a very nice christmas. I was enjoying my family. I was enjoying the weather, but large picture wise I was highly stressed in general, and had already made my mind up. I kept thinking about the profile I was gonna create, and looked forward to it because it had been so long. Part of me kept pushing back that that it wasn't a forgone conclusion, but that never works.

Regularly, it's boredom, loneliness, habits. It's just what I do, especially when left to my own devices. My personal life and work life revolves around doing things for others. Being a rock for my family. Many things fall solely on me (I'm being vague about details because I am always overly paranoid about personal info, on some ridiculous off chance I will be identified by someone I know on here). These things also work as my excuse for not dating, and being single so long. In fantasy, I can get away from it everything, and the deeper I go the more I can escape. It's all mine. I don't even have to be me (In fact, I am never me). I get mad at my real life for interrupting me so I look for windows where I can find as much free time as possible). It sucks that the "escape" is just as exhausting, if not more, than the reality.

Ages 40 and up / Re: I think I have a problem
« on: December 31, 2018, 01:08:14 PM »
I'm back home and having my ups and downs. I'm trying to make good use of my time off to get some things done, but I'm struggling at bit with motivation and depressed moods. Sometimes I feel hopeless, other times I feel that I've simply blown things out of proportion. I've gotten some hope with making an appointment with a therapist who focuses in part on love and relationships. That could be a great combination if I'm able to work with her. And I think her being a woman could help me get some perspective on what women may think of my "stuff."

Yesterday I had coffee with my friend in town who I think is or would be interested in dating me. I'm going to a party at one of her friends' houses tonight. She is in a rough spot with her work and having moved to a more isolated area. She teared up quite a bit. It was feeling down and didn't really show it, but I'm sure she would understand if I opened up. I have mixed feelings about her and I don't think I should try to start anything when we're both in sort of a vulnerable place. For me, it would be, again, being with someone simply because I would likely be accepted and there'd be a lower chance of being rejected, rather than feeling an actual, strong connection. When she was talking about how isolated she was feeling away from her friends, I suggested we talk regularly on the phone, like weekly. I'm a bit worried that if we do so, she'll start feeling close to me, and I might hurt her if I start dating someone and sort of drift away. I don't know. I guess there's no reason to stop being friends with a woman just because I'd be dating someone.

Actually I'm on the other end of that, with my other friend now dating someone. I haven't handled that well or really maturely I don't think. There are times when I think of her with him physically (who I've never met) and I become jealous and depressed. It's mainly because I'm alone and I just miss having someone myself. As it relates to here, there's also a danger in thinking about her with another man. (Again, we only "dated" a few times after meeting on Tinder, and then became friends when she moved here.) When I am in fantasy land binging on chatting with women and swapping porn, one of the kinks that would come up is cheating/inadequacy/humiliation. So that's sort of at play here when I think of her with someone else. It also makes me think about sex and feeling that I'm missing out, that I should just flirt and have fun and have sex without getting all emotional about it.  Anyway, my response, which I think is OK, is MO'ing to thoughts of real experiences I've have had that went well.  Real women, with real connection and some passion.  That's certainly healthier than MO'ing to something that feels emotionally painful.  And I've been able to achieve full erections with these memories, which is reassuring.

Regarding PMO, I haven't felt any urges since my last relapse. I do think I'm in a different space now, actually thinking about getting into a relationship, and that's causing the urges to lessen. When I PMO it's me basically giving up on life and any sense of self-respect. Pursuing a relationship and facing fears and focusing on my emotional life represents not giving up on life.

I can relate to this. I am probably not the best person for advice in regards to your friend. It's usually not a healthy thing to make decisions based on both of you being vulnerable, or being in an emotional state. I have a semi similar situation with the woman I mentioned who had invited me to vegas a while back. She's still around and still occasioally invites me out, and I nearly always have an excuse. I'm surprised she still bothers, honestly. There are times I beat myself up and think why don't I just be with her (or try).  I feel like she deserves someone better than someone who treats her as an option. I like her as a person but it's never really been there. I can't explain it. There could be part of me who is just rationalizing out of ED fears. I can't tell you if you should or shouldn't give this girl a shot. Perhaps look at it when you are less vulnerable, like you said.

It's good you made a therapist appointment.

Ages 40 and up / Re: If not now, when?
« on: December 31, 2018, 12:07:03 PM »
Thank you Detente.
"stings" is probably the perfect word. I have said before I don't find it realistic to think I will never do this again. Odds are very likely I will, but my goal is to not want it. To strongly prefer real interactions over fantasy or to get to a point where when I think about PMO it's not this powerful force pulling me in, but just this really pathetic thing I wasted so much time on.

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