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Messages - APositiveGuy

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Teens / Re: Doubst about rebooting process
« on: September 22, 2016, 03:34:50 PM »

I think you need a different mindset about your recovery. This whole thing, is part of a big process, and relapses are coded in. This didn't take you back, becouse this experience will make you even more stronger.

Keep it up!

Ages 20-29 / Re: Starting a new reboot!
« on: September 20, 2016, 04:32:09 PM »
Don't let this get you down.
Failture is at our human nature, but what makes the difference is that we can learn from them.

This time, you just discovered a trigger what was inside you during the whole process.
But now, you can get ready for the next round knowing, that you are one step closer to the victory.

Keep it up man, I know, how bad fantasising can be, but the harder you try to not think about it, the more you think about it. Just stay busy. Work, hit the gym, go out with friends (make new ones) and it will just go away. But never be bored.

I hope that this round will be your last, and you will succeed.

Ages 20-29 / Re: Starting a new reboot!
« on: September 16, 2016, 01:59:24 PM »
Hi Willtochange!

Good to hear that you are reading as well. It's great, becouse a good book can make you think, and it requires you to imagine, and not just to watch. (I love films as well tho  ;D)
I suggest you to also start playing an instrument.

I think you know it better, but I just discovered, that after I started to have wet dreams (after like 35 days) flatline is not really a thing. After one, I get a low sexual feeling but it starts to grow till the point when the next one comes.

What I'm saying is, that you will get over the flatline soon  ;)

Ages 20-29 / Re: My Journey starts and will end here!
« on: September 09, 2016, 10:42:04 AM »
I've not wrote in a long time. There are some news I want to share with you guys (if anyone read this at all  ;D).

My uni has started. That means, that sometimes I'm at school from 8 am to 8 pm. Right now, staying away from P is not hard at all, since I have 99+ problems on my mind. Looks like, my biggest trigger is when I'm alone and bored.

My test came back. My total testosteron level is at 12.1 nmol/l. This is exactly the lower limit of the "normal" level, but some say, that a level under 15 nmol/l can cause low libido an even ED.

The bad thing is, that when I've finally gone to the doctor, I've been doing Nofap for 3-4 weeks already. It would have been interesting to see, what level I were in, in the beginning.

Funny, how doctors can say, that just becouse it's over 12 and not like 11, it's totally normal, however, a 20 year old fit, and sportly male should have a T level much higher than that. (I haven't spoke to the doctor yet, but I've read a story like that on this site.)

Other thing is that I've had my frist wet dream (as far as I can remember) the frist time in my life. Good to see, that my body is still functioning.


My new plans are:

  • Continue with the 90 day nofap (I'm almost at the half point  ;D
  • Experimenting with natural testosteron boosters
  • Focus on scool (since I created a lot of free time for myself, this isn't that hard as it was before)
  • Going to the gym as much as I can
  • Being more social, with reduced alchohol usage

Ages 20-29 / Re: My Journey starts and will end here!
« on: August 27, 2016, 12:46:54 PM »
As I'm near to my 4th full week, I have to say that I was wrong about the flatline.
I often get MWs now, and I have strong cravings to watch P and to MO. I often get flashbacks then I get almost fully erect. My mind is playing tricks with me, where I get thoughts like "it isn't a big deal" -"just one picture", but I know I have to be strong.

I can now totally understand why is it so hard to some people not to relaps.

Ages 20-29 / Re: My Journey starts and will end here!
« on: August 22, 2016, 09:31:35 AM »
More than three weeks have been passed. Last week was a bit hard, but I managed to overcome it.
Yesterday, I even had a MW. Not the ones I used to get in the beginning, but I think a real one.
It wasn't due to a dream, and it didn't fade away. It stayed hard, and I just lied in my back with a happy face on. I stood up, but it stayed hard while standing, and only faded away when I went down on the stairs to eat.
After those "MWs", that were only after a dream, and which faded away right away, this was a big success for me.

But now, I feel like I'm in a flatline. Can't say for sure, but as this is my 4. week, this may be the time.

Ages 20-29 / Re: My Journey starts and will end here!
« on: August 14, 2016, 09:26:11 AM »
Looks like, 2 weeks have passed. My weekend was generally good. The movie was limited with the triggers and the party was great.

The craving to PMO/MO has arrived strongly. I get flashbacks, and fantasizes, but I'm doing my best to avoid them. I'm dreaming about relapsing almost every night.

I feel like I got more controll down there. I think, I could get fully erected with only touches, but I'm not gona test it yet tho.

Ages 20-29 / Re: My Journey starts and will end here!
« on: August 11, 2016, 09:31:06 AM »
Feels like that the missing desire what I feel during the day, is there at night.
Last night (or morning), I have dreamed about relapsing to porn. It was so realistic that I felt guilty for some seconds even after I woke up.

I listen to music loud. A lot.
I also going to the gym again regularly, and going out as much as I can. Sometimes I fantasize, but after I realize it, I focus on something else.

Tomorrow I will go to the cinema with some of my friends. I'm afraid that it will have some triggers, but I will close my eyes during those I think.
After that day, I will go to a birthday party, which will be a huge drinking fest (well it was last year..). I haven't drinked any during my reboot, so I hope it won't have any negative effect on my process.

Whish me luck guys!

Teens / Re: HELP!!! - Fighting PMO & PA
« on: August 11, 2016, 08:14:43 AM »
Hi Willy!

Your situation may feel like hell, but it's only in your head. Everything is changable, nothing is "ruined" but you have to put your mind into your recovery! You feel ruined now, but after every day in your recovery, you will feel better. You will feel like every day is a succes. Your recovery is not just about not watching porn, it's about a healthier and a more positive mind.

Frist, start with K9. Download it from here :
This thing, can block P type content from your internet. But you can't stop there. You need lifestyle changes as well. Quit TV and Internet. Make the time you spend in front of them as short as possible. Find other activities what you can spend your time on. Go out and socialize.

I think everyone had that feeling about some activities with his friends, that the best thing would be staying home instead, but when you go to it, and you force the thing, after that you feel stupid that you even thought about not coming at all.
I think it's your case as well.

Understand your situation. Read as much as you can from and watch many videos about about this topic.
Read success stories, and let them inspire you. Knowing that you are not alone, and that other people has overcome this thing can help extremely in your early days!

Ages 20-29 / Re: Relapse
« on: August 09, 2016, 03:16:44 PM »
Hi Andres!

I highly suggest that you download and activate K9. It's a blocker, what can block porn type content from your internet.
You must also delete all downloaded pictures and videos, (If you haven't already) and empty your trash in your desktop.
This can help, when you feel weak. OFC, you can make your way through, but if those are not going to stop you, then you are not ready for your reboot, and you should dig deeper why you are doing this whole thing in the frist place.

Ages 20-29 / Re: In this war of mine I wont survive it, I'll win it.
« on: August 09, 2016, 06:08:55 AM »
Hey Lucien!

I understand your place. Loosing someone who is really close to you is one of the worst thing in life!
But you have to be strong, for him, and for yourself! Only time can heal your wounds, but you will overcome this.
One day, you will meet again, but since then, make him proud, and keep his memory alive!

Ages 20-29 / Re: My Journey starts and will end here!
« on: August 09, 2016, 05:58:44 AM »
Hi RuntoSpirit!

Thanks again for the support. You are a really cheering guy. For me, your life with your wife and with your son, already sounds like a success story! Keep focus on these things, and every other problem will fade away!

For me, days pass faster now. I'm working and being sociable. I started going to the gym again. (Where me, and my old gym buddy realized that how much gains I have lost. Suprisingly, it wasn't as depressing as I thought It will be. In the time I wasn't eating properly, and I even started running, so it was kind of predictible. On the upper hand, I think I got more shredded, so I will say that it was a really bad cutting :D)
 However, I noticed, that I spend too much time on the internet again (on facebook and youtube). I'll cut that back now. Still no urge to PMO/MO, but I heard that they might can couse you the same dopamine rushes as porn.

There is however a big question mark about my "Morning Woods" (I don't even know, if they are MWs begin with). In the starting days, I was really happy about them (even tho they were 30-50% erections) and someone even told me here that it's a good sign.
However, in the last 2 days, the dreams were much more intense, and I woke up to a raging boner (100%, not 30-50% as before). And today, when I woke up to it, I stood up to go to the WC, and it stared to fade away. Just like the only thing what was causing it was the intense (P like) dream.
I'm confused right now, becouse I heard that MWs are a somewhat hormonal thing, and not dream/thought related things, and that they should definitely not fade away after you woke up that fast!
I don't even know what to think about them anymore. They might just my head playing games with me. In the daytime I try to close any fantasize, but I can't controll my dreams.

(Still haven't been to the doc to the T test. But sooner or later...)

Ages 20-29 / Re: My Journey starts and will end here!
« on: August 07, 2016, 10:28:07 AM »
Hey RuntoSpirit!

I'm doing my best to keep off from the internet as much as I can. Thank you for your encouragement!
I hope that you will manage to stay off from it as well! (Anyway, I was unable to find your journal  :/)

I said, that I won't count the days, but since 31. was my last day MOing, I could have not notice that this is my frist clean week :D
(Probably the longest time, I was off from MO -ing since I was 16, that's for sure.)
My mood swings got much more better. I still have some hard times, but overall, my mood is much more better.
I feel just a bit more alive down there as well. Definitely not libido, but something.
This morning I woke up early, withouth a MW, what was a bit depressing to me. But since, it's Sunday, I lied down for some time, and when I woke up again, I had one of those usual 30-50% MWs.
Still no desire to PMO or MO at all. I don't know if that's good or bad.

Ages 20-29 / Re: My Journey starts and will end here!
« on: August 06, 2016, 03:36:13 AM »
Thank you guys very much for your support!
willtochange, congrat on your 1 week!

I'll probably go to the doctor to a blood check in 2 days. I think, my T is not chronically low, (it's almost impossible to reach that level, becouse doctors set that scale so widely. A 17-18 years old can have between 300-1,200 ng/dL test level. That's a huge gap, but I f you have like 400, they will say that it's totally normal, even tho it's not!) I have also some F-ed up thing going on with my blood pressure. (My higher number is OK at like 120-130 but my lower one is extremely low at like 40-50. I'll have to go check that up as well.)

Guys, I don't know how it supposed to be, but I don't feel even the slightest urge to P or to MO. (My dreams are almost always sexual themed with real girls I know, and one night I was dreaming that I relapsed (by watching porn images). It was good when I woke up, and I realized I haven't. ;D)
Today, I was dreaming about "my crush" if you could say that. It wasn't really sexual as I remember, and I didn't had a morning wood either. (In MW I mean morning erection with like 30-50%). But apart from that, no real sexual desire.

What is hard to me, is cutting internet. I have K9, but I had to allow youtube, becouse that's where I listen to music. I haven't really watched YT to watch porn related content (well, apart from 2 months ago I think). I don't watch my favourite youtubers tho anymore. And this, is what really difficoult. Not P, or video games, but internet. I used to surf it all day (and playing video games of course).
About that, the "void" what I was talking about is getting filled up. I was wasting too much time on video games, it's horrific! Totally pointless! I was sleeping less, becouse of that, and more importantly, I wasted time on that instead of studying!
I wish I could go back and beat the shit out of myself! It's as big of a problem as P to youngers I think. Not to their sexual life but to their motivation and happiness in life!

Ages 20-29 / Re: My Journey starts and will end here!
« on: August 04, 2016, 10:02:00 AM »
mike510, Thanks a lot for your worlds! Knowing, that I'm not alone in this thing makes this whole journey of ours a lot easier  ;D
I will go to the doctor any day  now. I'm curious about my T level for a long time now. I had some symptoms from it, apart from ED and low sex drive as well.
However, I left PMO for my life now, that's for sure.

I also told about this thing to a family member. That was a huge relief. As I got some good advices, I will not really count the days from now. That's just a number, but my mind is a lot more complicated than that.

I drastically reduced internet and TV use. I don't really understand, how these things affect my mind, but I'll make this sacrifice.

Ages 20-29 / Re: Let's call it: "I want my mind back"
« on: August 03, 2016, 11:37:36 AM »
Keep it up!  ;D
Don't make it easy for yourself to reach porn. Apply blocking programs if needed!
There is ups and downs, but you will make it!

Ages 20-29 / Re: My Journey starts and will end here!
« on: August 03, 2016, 11:19:39 AM »

This is my day 3 of no M at all. My goal is to make it to at least 120+ days with no MO (I will not watch P in my life, that's for sure). This is the frist time I turned on my PC just to come here in 3 days, and I try not to watch TV at all and to go out as much as I can. (My dog is happy about this all I think, becouse I spend hours with him now  :D) The hardest thing is I think is this void, I now have to fill up. I used to be on youtube all day, but now, i'm afraid even to go there or just to listen my favourite music, watch movies or even play anything on my PC or on my phone. Which is really hard, since that was what I did most of the time.
My mood swings are out of the place. Sometimes I feel so down, that I have suicidal thoughts, sometimes I'm really positive about this whole thing.

I don't feel even the smallest need to PMO or even to MO at all. The only thing I experience is that sometimes I fantasize, which is really bad I think, even if they are just images for half a second.
The last 3 day I had sexual and vivid dreams, and I had some 30-50% moorning woods as well. No superpowers as most of the guys here experience in the frist week.

I will go to the doctor one of the days, becouse I have some heart issues. It might have a low T which can couse ED and low sex drive as well.

Ages 20-29 / My Journey starts and will end here!
« on: August 03, 2016, 10:53:35 AM »

(At frist, I was hesitated to post my journey here instead of the teenage one, but I was afraid that it wouldn't fit there, becouse of my age.)

I'm a 20 years old virgin male (just turned in June) with a really similar story to yours. I think I frist MOd, when I was 11-12 years old. There were some magazines about pop stars but nothing more. It wasn't really a habbit, until the age of 14, when I frist saw porn. We had high speed internet that time, but my PC wasn't in my room (thanks to my parents) so as far as I remember I was MO -ing occasionally to my fantasy. I took my PC to my room when I was 16(ish) and that's when things were out of controll. And not even becouse of P, but video games. As a teen, I spent long hours everyday in front of my PC playing games. I had friends, I was relatively social, but playing video games was the same for me what it was P to Greg. That was the only thing what motivated me.
At this time, PMO -ing, and MO -ing became a habbit. Almost every day, I was PMO -ing, sometimes 2-3 times a day, sometimes only 4-5 times a week, but in average, every day. Not becouse I was horny or anything. In fact, I think becouse of those 2 things my libido was low all times, so I was unmotivated even to try getting girls.

I was 17 when I had my frist experience with ED. After a heavy night of drinking I went back to a girl's house. We were both drunk, she even thew up in the way there, so I wasn't trying anything, but we lied in bed next to eachoder with clothes on, she put her arms in my chest and she was already sleeping. But what was shocking to me, that nothing happened down there. I think it wasn't PIED back then (but who knows), more like a performance anxiety and that I wasn't relaxed at all, was still drunk. Still, that shocked me, so right in the next day I looked it up, but unfortunately i didn't find this site...

In the next years, I had many girls I got close with, but after a week or month, I had that feeling what I can't describe to you. I felt the urge to end my relationships with them. Mostly due to the fact that I wasn't experienced and I was nervous about it. Anyway, time past by and my PMO -ing became a routine."Normal" porn was not enough for me, but at least I didn't opened multiple tabs at once, and I wasn't even edged up to like 2-3 months ago. When I was 18 or so, I started to go to the gym almost daily and I got more socialized.

However my "exam month" was horrible, and it kept me out of the gym. I often "gifted" myself with a PMO after studying.
After this, I was right back playing video games, now this time, even P related ones. I think it was even worse, becouse I was often edgeing myself, so I could play it even more. This was the frist time that my erection wasn't 100% when watching something porn related. Everything went like this for a while with small brakes due to summer activities, until the last 1-2 weeks. I felt depressed that I don't have a girlfriend, and I felt like getting one will be the hardest thing in my life. Eventually 4-5 days ago, I went partying with my friends. I felt great and motivated and after some accidents I got close with a girl I knew before. Actually she was the ex of one of my old friends. It was great, we danced in a really sexual way, then kissed and touched for a while. It all felt great, however, after that I realized that something was missing. Wasn't even moved down there. Becouse of that, I didn't went back to her place. I'm not sure, but I think wouldn't have been able to get a full erection just by her look and touches. After that night, I was really curious, so I tried to MO. What was shocking to me that I could not got fully erected just by my hand, and I had to think about some "hardcore" P to get it harder, but even then it wasn't 100%.

After that, I instantly went to the internet to know, WTF is really happening with me. I found YBOP and now I'm here.

No doubt, it will be hard, it's already is. But I'm sure, that I will succeed.

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