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Messages - metal22

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1
Ages 30-39 / Re: Starting over with a journal after 4 years...
« on: July 24, 2020, 06:49:46 PM »
Just checking in,  and all is well.  Been reading a really good back that has been helping steer my mind in positive directions.  Hope you all are doing good as well!

2
Porn Addiction / Re: Does this work?
« on: July 18, 2020, 02:43:02 PM »
Tbird,  getting off of porn will fix the problems you are having,  including not lasting very long.  I suggest starting a journal ( this site has a journal for each age group).  Many of us Rebooters use them and we can make daily accountability records as well as get daily support from others struggling with the same problems.

3
Hey man,  there is hope for recovery for PIED.  I had about the worse case I have seen ( and been on here for about 4 years). 
First,  I would come clean with your wife.  Let her know that you are struggling,  and why.  Dopamine hits are much easier with P than with another person,  though the rewards for intimacy with people is what we are supposed to use Dopamine for.  She will probably be shocked and hurt, and feeling betrayed,  which she is entitled to those feelings.  But I believe virtually every spouse would want to know if their loved one is struggling with something as serious as an addiction to P.
There are many on here including myself that can help you if you decide to tell her.  You won't have an authentic relationship full of intimacy and love until you do.
We are here for you man!

4
Ages 30-39 / Re: Starting over with a journal after 4 years...
« on: July 17, 2020, 08:14:59 PM »
We are shifting the focus on our business,  and my wife and I had a tough discussion today.  We talked about how the world operates on social media,  and how I can't really run a business without it.  I feel like I've done pretty well saying sober for the last 4 years by just avoiding triggers like social media.  My last relapse was partially due to me being back on social media,  and since I had focused on just removing the trigger and not actually handling it I was ill prepared for the feeling of what a trigger does.  But sadly I'm back to the need for social media for my living. 
So we had a talk about it.  She wants me to put a plan into place on how to handle the triggers of social media ( mainly facebook and instagram) when I am on them.  I do think if I can get a handle on this,  it would be a really good learning/growing experience for me,  as well as increase some of our sales and marketing.

5
Ages 30-39 / Re: 33 yo gay virgin with PIED. Please help...
« on: July 17, 2020, 08:06:13 PM »
Hey man,  sorry about your troubles.  I'm straight,  but I believe whatever our sexual orientation the results are the same.  I'm about 4 years into recovery.  I still have to be extra careful.  Triggers are everywhere,  and a peek stimulates you just like porn does.  At least that was for me.  I have to basically stay away from all triggers,  and when I do encounter triggers I need to have a plan on how to handle them. 
I had a really bad case of PIED.  I had it for like 15 years,  and wasn't sure it could be fixed.  After about a year in hard reboot mode I started to get back to where I could function,  but unfortunately when you've had PIED for so long performance anxiety can kick in even when you've been recovering well.  Stick with the reboot,  avoid all triggers that you can,  and don't give up.  You can recover and be a normal human!

6
Ages 30-39 / Re: Starting over with a journal after 4 years...
« on: July 13, 2020, 07:57:31 AM »
Orbiter,
Indeed we have grown closer.  I am communicating better and have opened up sexually.  I have finally acknowledged my performance anxiety with sex,  and worked to move out of it.  There is a tremendous amount of room for growth,  so I have not "arrived",  but it's a path I have chosen.  Although I am a flawed person,  I think that opening up more this part of me has grown our intimacy quite a bit.
I heard of a friend ( newlywed) that has been struggling sexually in his new marriage.  He denies any usage of porn,  and says he has never seen it before.  Although he is a bit sheltered I find it hard to believe.  Seems like a strong correlation is there. 
Feeling very thankful for the person I am,  and for my wife today.  We have been married for 16 years,  and although there is a great deal of heartache,  we have both grown so much into better people.

7
Ages 30-39 / Re: Starting over with a journal after 4 years...
« on: July 09, 2020, 07:10:15 PM »
4 hours left on my quarantine,  not that I'm counting!  I'm excited to be able to do things outside my house again.  My wife has said that this experience has made her want to be much more careful,  and I'm in agreement with that.  I think for 2020 we need to really come to terms with this other reality of isolation.  It makes me very thankful for my family,  as I can't imagine doing this alone.

8
Ages 30-39 / Re: First RN Post, Longtime Fighter
« on: July 09, 2020, 07:07:35 PM »
Welcome!  I'm glad you started a journal.  It seems to be a great help to many of us,  especially when working on intentionality and consistency.  Keep posting!

9
Ages 30-39 / Re: Starting over with a journal after 4 years...
« on: July 07, 2020, 09:43:20 AM »
We’re nearing  the end of the quarantine.  I think I’m ready to have my old life back.  Things are pretty good.  Our friends have headed home but have made an offer on a place near us,  so things are moving forward there.  They have a date set to move here at the end of the month,  but somehow I expect it might be a month later than they project.  Things feel so unstable in this country that making plans feels weird.
Finally finished painting the outside of my house.  My wife and I have been putzing away at it,  but with this forced stop we just got it done.  Feels good to have it done,  and the house sure looks better( the old paint was peeling all over the place).
Ever since I’ve been out here I have been doing things for others.  I guess I’ve felt it was a calling.  Ive spent a great deal of time and energy on community building (or how my wife affectionately calls “fixing the town” lol).  But I’ve struggled to find the balance,  of helping others,  but not at the expense of my family.  Our friends are moving here under a same sort of pretense. 
I have to admit though I quite nervous about it.  My wife and I have ran a biz with just the two of us for about 7 years,  with 7 years worth of habits to go with it.  I know I take a lot of things for granted,  yet I don’t know exactly what they are.  I guess I’ll be learning.

10
Ages 30-39 / Re: Starting over with a journal after 4 years...
« on: July 02, 2020, 11:00:30 PM »
Another day in quarantine.  Just checking in.  Feeling fairly healthy so far.

11
Ages 30-39 / Re: Starting over with a journal after 4 years...
« on: July 01, 2020, 12:44:12 PM »
It's still setting in about this required quarantine.  I feel like life is going full paced and I'm tripped over myself trying to stop mid-stride.  We have friends visiting that are planning on moving here,  and I basically negotiated a deal with a house near us.  It felt kinda weird to negotiate for someone else,  like maybe I wasn't driving a hard enough bargain,  or maybe working too slow?  It's just my own insecurities really,  I think they are thankful for it.  I'm excited to have old friends live near us,  and their kids have been good friends of our kids too. 

12
Ages 30-39 / Re: Starting over with a journal after 4 years...
« on: June 30, 2020, 07:51:50 PM »
Im officially quarantined.  I had a beer with a friend a few days ago who later came down with covid.  He tested positive so I just got a call from the health department that I need to self quarantine for the next 14 days.  Im pretty bummed about that.

13
Ages 30-39 / Re: Starting over with a journal after 4 years...
« on: June 25, 2020, 09:47:06 PM »
Day 57:
Another day down.  Feeling pretty good.

14
Ages 30-39 / Re: Starting over with a journal after 4 years...
« on: June 23, 2020, 08:17:01 PM »
Day 57:
Today was a good day.  I feel like I put in a good solid day of work,  and then checked a bunch of paperwork type stuff off my list.  We have good friends from out of town visiting this weekend  so I'm excited to see them.

15
Ages 30-39 / Re: Starting over with a journal after 4 years...
« on: June 22, 2020, 09:22:05 PM »
Day 56:
Shade,  I think she is just a really dynamic and awesome person.  She challenges me to think and can be hard on me sometimes but honestly that has pushed me to be a better person and to overcome my issues.
I'm also pleased to see that as our relationship improves she steps more into her element.  She is a natural leader,  thinks outside the box and is creative with solutions.  She is a community builder at heart,  but when she isn't feeling safe,  or feeling good she is more reclusive.

16
Ages 30-39 / Re: Starting over with a journal after 4 years...
« on: June 20, 2020, 07:16:04 PM »
Day 55:
Feeling good today.  Waiting for my wife to get off work and hanging out at a local brewery.  Feeling thankful for my life today!

17
Ages 30-39 / Re: Starting over with a journal after 4 years...
« on: June 19, 2020, 09:48:22 PM »
Day 54:
Just wanted to check in and say I’m still here.

18
Ages 30-39 / Re: Starting over with a journal after 4 years...
« on: June 18, 2020, 07:20:04 PM »
Day 53:
Busy day today.  Got to do some things with my wife today.  I enjoyed her company. 
Tomorrow the kids are going to tour their new potential schools.  I have a bit of nerves as they are intercity schools,  but we are going to maintain an open mind on it.

19
Ages 30-39 / Re: My journal, my friend
« on: June 17, 2020, 07:47:24 PM »
I'mSorry:
Congrats on making it so far!  As it appears in your posting,  your brain is already begun rewiring.  Things continue to get easier as you continue.
Don't let down your vigilance though,  as you can fall at any time,  even years into recovery.

20
Ages 30-39 / Re: Starting over with a journal after 4 years...
« on: June 17, 2020, 07:43:43 PM »
Day 52:
I missed yesterday's post.
Shade,  my son went to the doctor for a check up today.  The report was really good,  his bones were growing back faster than expected!  It was an answer to prayers!  It was nice to seem him happy this evening.  He's been pretty down for all this time since he broke his arm.
I've been pretty relaxed this week.  I'm feeling a bit of nerves about my kids schooling for next year though.  We are transitioning them out of homeschool and it's been quite a journey to find where they should go,  especially in this crazy year of 2020.

21
Ages 30-39 / Re: Starting over with a journal after 4 years...
« on: June 15, 2020, 05:11:30 PM »
Day 50:
We had a great weekend away.  Our friends watched our kids while we went to another city we had never been to.  It was relaxing,  and we had much time together.  We both agreed it was a great time.  We had some good conversations as well.  And no arguments!  woohoo!

22
Ages 30-39 / Re: Starting over with a journal after 4 years...
« on: June 12, 2020, 11:27:07 PM »
Day 47:
Imsorry,  thanks man!
Today was a good day.  Tried to catch up on some things but didn’t make it.   Felt ok about it though and today was a good day!

23
Ages 30-39 / Re: Starting over with a journal after 4 years...
« on: June 11, 2020, 05:51:54 PM »
Day 46:
Hooray I passed my test.  Feels so good to have it done.  It was occupying a great deal of brain space as well as I was using extra time to study for it. I get my life back and my family gets a husband/father back.  The stress was kinda accumulating the last couple days and when a few things went wrong I think I was back to my old ways,  so we had some arguments.
I’m super excited though.  My wife arranged a weekend trip to a somewhat nearby city that we haven’t seen before (we’ve only lived here 3 years).  A friend is watching the kiddos so it’s just me and her.  Im looking forward to spending time with her.  We are typically great traveling companions but this weekend we can also focus on intimacy.
Thanks for thr kind words Orbiter. Keep up the good works!

24
Ages 30-39 / Re: Starting over with a journal after 4 years...
« on: June 10, 2020, 09:30:25 PM »
Day 45:
I take my test tomorrow.  My nerves are up and I'm feeling stress about it.  It's unfortunately resulted in me not being a great personality this last week.  Just need to get it over with so I can go back to my normal life.

25
Ages 30-39 / Re: Starting over with a journal after 4 years...
« on: June 09, 2020, 09:55:08 PM »
Day 44:
Just posting to stay consistent.  I’ll post more tomorrow.

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