Show Posts

This section allows you to view all posts made by this member. Note that you can only see posts made in areas you currently have access to.


Messages - JediMaster

Pages: [1] 2
1
Partners of Rebooters and Addicts / Re: Accurate Song Lyrics
« on: June 29, 2017, 12:00:43 PM »
Both of those songs are very relatable. Here's another one that Anna and I love. It's by my favorite band. It's a little slower than their usual stuff, it's from their latest album before Matt Skiba (guitarist/singer and my favorite musician of all time) went to Blink-182 after Tom left and came back. But he's still with them.

It's Called "Until Death Do us Part" by The Alkaline Trio

Goodbye for now, leaving town for a while
Broken heart, broken bones, fading smile
Did I lose everything that I love?
I suppose that I did when push came to shove

Now I want you back and waiting there for me
I won't hold my breath, I don't expect a thing
But a boy can dream

Tell me everything will be okay
Tell me that you're still in love with me
Tell me how to get back into your heart
And there I shall remain till death do us part

Goodbye for now, leaving town for a while
Broken heart, broken bones, fading smile

Now I want you back and waiting there for me
I won't hold my breath, I don't expect a thing
But a boy can dream

Tell me everything will be okay
Tell me that you're still in love with me
Tell me how to get back into your heart
And there I shall remain till death do us part

Tell me everything will be okay
Tell me that you're still in love with me
Please tell me how to get back into your heart
There I shall remain till death do us part

2
Partners of Rebooters and Addicts / Accurate Song Lyrics
« on: June 27, 2017, 03:13:48 PM »
I was listening to Spotify and I thought that this song had some pretty accurate lyrics to how a partner might feel so I thought I'd post them.

The song is "The Other Line" by Chunk! No, Captain Chunk!

Now tell me the truth
Don't make me wait too long
You have to prove that I shouldn't move on

I'm sitting here watching the tick of the clock
I hear my own heartbeat
I want it to stop
Doing next to nothing
Except breaking apart
And this tension just cuts to the bone

Get out or give me good reason
Shut up, I'll do it alone
And I wont waste another year sitting here
Waiting for something more (More)

So I'm just stuck here in the meantime
Waiting on the other line

Now tell me the truth
Don't make me wait too long
You have to prove that I shouldn't move on
Giving in is the price I pay
These words alone
Hurt enough to walk away
You think I hang on everything you say
And worst of all you're predictable

I really must be moving onward to something
I'm standing right here and I came from nothing
The harder you fall
The more pain you can take

You love when the pressure just pulls me apart
You're fueling the fire
It just won't stop
It kept growing and burning
And taking my world down in flames
While I'm waiting on the other line

Now tell me the truth
Don't make me wait too long
You have to prove that I shouldn't move on
Giving in is the price I pay
These words alone
Hurt enough to walk away
You think I hang on everything you say
And worst of all you're predictable

You're breaking the ground that you walk on
No one around you is safe
Your thoughts are as loud as a shotgun
They keep blowing me away

So I'm just stuck here in the meantime
Waiting on the other line

Now tell me the truth
Don't make me wait too long
You have to prove that I shouldn't move on
Giving in is the price I pay
These words alone
Hurt enough to walk away
You think I hang on every word you say
And worst of all you're predictable (Oh oh oh oh)

So I'm just stuck here in the meantime
Waiting on the other line

3
Porn Addiction / Re: Video games
« on: June 27, 2017, 03:04:10 PM »
Personally, I think it really depends on why you play them. I used to play an absurd amount. I'd wake up on my days off, and try to see if anyone was free to hang out but if nobody was I'd play from when I woke up and the next thing I knew the sun was down. I used to be an avid PC gamer, built my own rig, turtle beach headset(I know they kinda suck but I got it on an employee discount) backlit keyboard and mouse that I'm actually using now since I brought them to work. I don't play PC anymore and rarely play Xbox one and my focus has definitely increased. I play occasionally now and I haven't had an issue even though I used to play way too much. I had about 800hrs on one game and 600hrs on another and 200hrs on a third game, I racked up a lot of hrs on my PC. I always tried to play with friends which I think was much better than when I'd play by myself, so social gaming definitely made me feel better. The social aspect for me was the difference between hanging out with friends (one I knew in person that was 3hrs away at college the other two were across the pond in the U.K.) and using it to numb out the depression or the current feelings. I agree, as long as it isn't a few hours a day it shouldn't be a problem.

4
Porn Addiction / Re: No ED, a heavy porn user? Why quit?
« on: June 22, 2017, 02:17:15 PM »
You can't increase something if it remains constant. My analogy was hours a day consistently. Even with no escalation, it can still turn into addiction if it isn't already. Those aren't the only characteristics of an addiction, causing distress in life or interferes with life are also important effects of addiction.

Anyway, we're getting off-topic. You do not need to have ED to be desensitized. It can happen before you get to PIED. And no, you can change the wiring of your dopamine receptors to fire to things that are more naturally stimulating.

5
Porn Addiction / Re: No ED, a heavy porn user? Why quit?
« on: June 22, 2017, 11:31:19 AM »
Psychological Dependence and addiction go hand in hand. We all know addiction. If you stop using your substance of choice, you will have withdrawal symptoms. Physical Dependance is when you have negative physical effects from stopping. Psychological Dependence is when you have emotional and motivational problems after stopping substance use.

Quote
Whether it's to escape feelings, reality, loneliness or whatever. If you feel you are dependent on it if you feel as if you can't stop thinking about it if you feel that it's causing problems in your life or causing distress.
Many people, including Gabe Deem, Noah Church, and myself, weren't using to "escape feelings, reality, loneliness", and weren't unable to "stop thinking about it", but rather developed ED, low sex drive, profound desensitization and hypofrontality and other problems, and this is the manifestation of addiction brain changes.

That comparison doesn't make any sense. I was talking about things that may cause someone to use porn and become addicted. I did not say they were the only causes. Everything you stated about yourself, Gabe Deem, and Noah Church, are only effects that porn has had on you. They are not the reasons that you use porn. Those are all things that can happen in the midst of porn addiction but they are not causes or reasons for going to porn. I'm sure there are reasons why we've all gone to porn and I'm sure they're all different. Just be aware of the difference when you're talking about reasons for going to porn or effects that porn has had on you.

Quote
A) Unlikely to cause addiction-related brain changes because it doesn't keep dopamine perpetually high in the way that surfing videos does
That's not necessarily true for everyone. For example, if someone is overly stressed in life, they may watch multiple full videos for hours. That can cause many of the same symptoms of addiction and addicted behaviors. You are speaking to one way of addiction and it affects. That is not the only way to be addicted.


Quote
B) Needing frequently changing content is a sign of of addiction brain changes, namely sensitization and tolerance

That is a sign, but it's not the only sign. You seem to be looking at this through a straw. There is more than one way to be addicted. There is more than one way one's addiction can work. There are many many ways an addiction can occur. People get addictions because whatever the substance, it makes them feel good. Whatever the reason they need to feel good can range from "I just like the feeling" to "everything in life sucks".

Also, I never said one video. ED can happen whether or not you go through a full video. It's repeated use that can cause PIED. It' not necessarily that they switch between videos or the way they were introduced. If I, for example, got off to multiple times a day always to full-length videos for years, that can cause PEID. So it doesn't always matter how they were introduced or the reasons they did it. What matters is whether or not they repeat the use consistently for a long time.

6
Porn Addiction / Re: No ED, a heavy porn user? Why quit?
« on: June 20, 2017, 01:57:13 PM »
A lot of what you guys are talking about has nothing to do with whether or not someone is addicted. Addiction has a definition that can apply to many things. Just because you watch a whole video in no way means you're less likely to be an addict. Being addicted to porn means that you are in some way dependent on it. Whether it's to escape feelings, reality, loneliness or whatever. If you feel you are dependent on it if you feel as if you can't stop thinking about it if you feel that it's causing problems in your life or causing distress. Those are all things that tell you that you may be addicted. The content has nothing to do with it. If you've reached the hundredth time and it has only been a month or two, then you might have a problem. Excessive use doesn't necessarily mean addiction, but an addict generally uses excessively in their lowest or on the regular. And not using excessively also doesn't mean that you aren't an addict. It really depends on the kind of effect it has on your life as does any other addiction.

7
Partners of Rebooters and Addicts / Re: Genuine Apology!
« on: June 20, 2017, 01:46:27 PM »
We're actually reading that book too haha. That's where we got the idea to look for an EFT trained therapist.

8
Partners of Rebooters and Addicts / Re: Genuine Apology!
« on: June 19, 2017, 11:20:39 AM »
From my side of this, It felt quite different from any other time. Something has changed. Before I would feel bad but I wouldn't really feel the emotions or feelings with it. After a fantastic session almost two weeks ago with a therapist trained in EFT (Emotionally Focused Therapy), it changed my automatic response to numb feelings a bit. I could apologize like that because I was able to hold onto what I was feeling instead of my mind numbing it whenever feelings like that come up. We've had a few couple sessions and one separate session each and it's already helping tremendously with my emotions. I've been able to process what's going om rather than going numb and trying to move on from the subject. It was hard to learn because I didn't even realize I was doing it when it happened; I didn't have much self-awareness. Whatever that therapist did, really helped me connect deeper with myself.

9
Partners of Rebooters and Addicts / Re: "It's all we ever talk about"
« on: June 13, 2017, 02:27:35 PM »
The only thing that's changed for you is your user name

10
Partners of Rebooters and Addicts / Re: "It's all we ever talk about"
« on: June 13, 2017, 02:26:32 PM »
As for responsibility, first language or not, it's the same definition. By that definition, the addict is the sole cause of the partner's pain and feelings.

The addicted partner uses porn and most likely lies. The other partner says it makes them feel hurt, this that and the other. The addict is then the cause of all those feelings. If the addict wasn't an addict and never lied, the feelings wouldn't be there. How is it then, that the faithful partner is responsible for their own happiness when the addict is the one that took it away? All the partner wants is the addict to show they care. They want nothing else but for things to be ok, which in most cases they will never be the same but both partners can be very happy together if the addict takes responsibility for fixing the damage that THEY caused. "they caused" being the keywords that define responsibility.

11
Partners of Rebooters and Addicts / Re: "It's all we ever talk about"
« on: June 13, 2017, 02:18:12 PM »
All of these partners are doing exactly that. For most of them, that means fighting for the relationship and hoping that they care as much as their partners do. And as for any children, fixing the relationship would be the best thing for them. Nothing is worse for a child than divorced parents.

12
Porn Addiction / Re: Question about Responsibility
« on: June 13, 2017, 12:50:26 PM »
You sure fooled me. Seem like a simple minded prick. And you sure as hell lie to yourself, that counts as dishonesty.

13
Porn Addiction / Re: Question about Responsibility
« on: June 13, 2017, 12:33:43 PM »
Well, fuckboy Mcgee, it was about time, It took two months of doing it for that to happen. I feel bad for the next girlfriend you get when you blame her for your porn addiction.

14
I suggest if you don't understand how the human brain works with addiction pick up a relatively current book on addiction such as:

Hold Me Tight, A lot about attachment bonding

Man Interrupted

Or work from some psychologists:

Kevin Skinner

Dr. Sue Johnson who wrote hold me tight. She has a lot of good work

And there are many other but these are a few good ones


15
Hanai, I believe anna was speaking about Mike2 not all porn addicts. And speak for yourself, my experience is completely different from yours.

Mike2, you are making yourself quite clear. It's just that your are very off on accuracy. What you're saying is incorrect. There is immensely strong evidence suggesting that a persons sex drive stays relatively the same throughout life after your mid twenties. Sex drive is not just there for reproduction, the amount of times people have sex and the amount of children that come out of that are extremely low. My current partner and I have had sex roughly 800 times in less than two years and the only reproduction that has occurred is the single child we are having right now. Humans have evolved so much you cannot compare the thoughts and brain functions to that of primal instincts. Instincts do play a role but there is so much more than that happening in a human brain. If sex drive changes in life it's most likely the cause of something that is going on in their life. External causes are what make sex drive and other things like happiness change such as high levels of stress, anxiety and frustration or anger. I'm not sure if you're looking at evidence that has been circulated since the mid nineties, but things have changed and a lot has been discovered about evolutionary psychology and how human brains work and you have by far missed the mark on that one.

16
No, I agree with you. I'm just hoping to maybe get some inspiration from what others have done/experienced and tailor it specifically for her. I haven't had all that much luck trying to think of things myself which I think is just a problem with my mindset right now, I'm usually more practical and inventive than this. I just find myself coming up short lately.

17
My partner has told been telling me recently that although the talking between us has been much better mostly with addressing these addiction issues, my actions have not been following my words. That's something I have to work on. Doing the dishes when I say i'm going to do them, taking out the trash when there's two bags at the front door instead of waiting till there's five, reading the books I've said I'll read(I don't think I've ever finished a book, or at least not for years). I've been feeling something that is getting me down and putting me in a rut with my emotions but I don't know what it is. It may be that I'm only taking one class this semester because with work I couldn't slot anymore and it feels like it's going slow and that has made me feel stuck in life before like i'll never get to my career. It could be other things I just don't know. I started with a new therapist who specializes in sex addiction and anxiety so I'm hoping that will help a lot.

Anyway, I was wondering if anyone could give me advice or any ideas to make my partner feel like I'm really trying and that I do care. She has given me ideas but I want to also do something that she hasn't told me to do so it's not like i'm just doing what she's asked, I need to do more than what she asks for on a regular basis anyhow so I think it'd be good to start with things that she hasn't asked for as well as what she has. I won't take credit for the ideas but they can be a nice surprise for her. Maybe some romantic date ideas? Something nice/relaxing/romantic in the house? Anything I can do to show effort and how much I care. Even more personal things that I can change to her interests specifically.

I would really appreciate any help, even ways I can get my mind out of this "couch potato" state. I've had motivation issues since I can remember and I'm afraid they're coming back. Any advice on that would be greatly appreciated too. I love her, I love her more than anything and I want nothing but happiness for her and I want her to know that I do but I still feel like I have a lot to get through to change my mindset from what it used to be.

18
Porn Addiction / Re: Sincere question
« on: February 27, 2017, 12:43:01 PM »
I'm sure there are situations where PMO can signify dysfunction in a couple, however, I believe (from what I've experienced and heard from others) that it's not usually the relationship they're in with the partner that's dysfunctional. It definitely seems that a large cause of becoming addicted can be a dysfunctional relationship some where is ones life but usually before they enter a serious relationship. If one becomes addicted during the relationship, then it may be from dysfunction in that relationship.

In my own experience, I chose to not tell my partner because I was afraid she would leave me because she told me in the beginning that P was not going to work in our relationship and I told her I would stop. Not only was I afraid she would leave, but that whole time I was in complete denial and probably too afraid to admit that I had problems not only with P but ones that led to the addiction in the first place. Little by little it came out. Every time she figured something else out, I would still lie about the rest. I was always scared she would leave every time something came up because she said she would if I was lying. She never did though and when she found out everything is when I finally started being honest and actually admitted that I had a problem.

So for me it was fear of losing her. I've never been with someone so wonderful that makes me so happy. At this point I'm just a much better person all thanks to her. Fear of consequence has always fed the lying in my life no matter what the situation was. I have always been afraid of facing punishment and always tried to avoid it at all costs. That no doubt has something to do with my past but I haven't figured it out yet. Maybe people these days are learning that they can avoid conflict and consequences by lying, while they try and fix themselves without help. They may just be afraid of having to face what they've done knowing their partner will have a bad reaction. It may be manifesting as "I don't need help, I can do this myself" but really, they don't realize or won't admit that it's really more like "I'm afraid of hurting her, I'm ashamed of what I've done but I don't want to face the consequences, I don't want punishment." I really believe that the sole driver for the lying is always fear of something pertaining to the way their partner will feel. I believe it's most likely the problem of trying to avoid consequence which, in the end can do harm by not fixing one of the problems. They will most likely relapse until they're caught. If the recovery is hidden, then so is relapse. "They don't know I'm addicted so if I give into this urge what's really the harm? They still won't know." It makes it harder to be accountable.

That's what I believe based on my own experience with it.

19
Olaf, everything you're saying is very... out there, I guess you could call it. You are throwing rash generalizations that don't make much sense at all and you have absolutely no evidence to anything you're saying. If I guy needs to get a girl drunk to have sex, then he's a fucking douchebag and is a danger to society. Anyone who thinks it's OK to get a girl drunk for sex should be psycho-analyzed. If that's the only way they can get sex then it's only there fault. I have a lot of guy friends that I hung out with, went to high school parties and whatnot. They always complain about how they can't get a girlfriend or girls don't talk to them etc., all the reasons that they couldn't was because they were all selfish and probably all looking at porn obsessively and they did not know the correct way to interact with anyone besides their guy friends. They are all extremely immature and don't really offer anything to a potential partner.

Quote
He learns sex techniques online and expects her to learn the same stuff. Then a select few men resort to getting girls drunk because they can't get sex any other way because they don't have command of their life, are unable to be a good conversationist because they are too dependent on mommy and if they get a girlfriend the new girlfriend becomes mommy because no young men today take charge of their life and manage good decisions.
Some of that may be true in some aspects, they are not mature and they do expect that, however it is no ones fault but their own. They don't mature because most of them are stuck in their own selfish world. They aren't ready to provide for anyone because they think too much of themselves. I have seen this in many guys that I used to hangout with.

The ads and young modeling these days is absolutely not understandable. It's a cause of men being so immature and selfish. I have also read some of your posts. You seem to be the exact kind of person i'm talking about. From what I have read (this is just my opinion) you are very selfish and you do not care what state your wife is in. It doesn't matter if shes sick or in pain, you still expect sex and it seems that you expect her to do things she isn't comfortable with and that to makes sex so boring as you've mentioned a few times. You seem to be in your own unemployed, lazy world and not thinking about anyone else. I may be wrong but that's what I am getting from your posts and I may not have all the information.

And why are you hating on gays? There is so much gay rights because people like you are so homophobic. There is plenty of heterosexuality so that's not the problem, the problem is people being so uncomfortable with anything that's not "straight".

There is absolutely no reason to cheat because someones partner is prude or doesn't have sex with them enough. It's extremely difficult to find someone with a similar sex drive. If you won't be patient with your partner when it comes to sex, or many things for that matter, then you shouldn't be with them. If you even think of going somewhere else for sex, then you really don't care about your partner or the relationship.

oh and it's "Conversationalist" not "conversationist"

20
Thank you guys, this is great feedback. I hope there are a lot of similar feeling people around here. If we can advertise it I think we can get a lot of people on board.

However, the unfortunate part is that this town sucks because it's in one of the top 5 richest counties in the country. And the wealth must really be good because this town, one of the wealthiest (but still not the wealthiest) in the county borders a city that is not only very poor but is in the top 10 most dangerous cities in the country (in fact our state has 3 of the top 10 most dangerous). The kind people in this town are very entitled. I believe there are a lot of parent's that bring there kids specifically to VS. There opinions may be skewed because they themselves are very possibly sucked into the societal ideals. I would not be surprised if we came up against a group of parent's that believe it is completely normal to over-sexualize their kids. 

In my high school, I hated the fact that almost everyone wore either something that was "in style" at the time or anything that was name brand. The amount of abrocrombie and fitch, VS and other stupid brands were the only thing they wore. Even the guys wore a&f aero-who f***ing cares and other "popular" brands.

Another hurdle may be the other bordering town which is considerably more wealthy than our town. They do a lot of business in our town and there is no VS to my knowledge in that town so they probably do a lot of shopping there too. If you walk down the street of this horrifically prissy town, most all the people look fake, covered in make-up and expensive brands and the most common cars, and I used to work in this town it's all I saw, are Porsche Carrera GT's and range rover sports, with a ton of lexus's and the occasional Ferrari and other super cars and the largest population of Tesla's you'll ever see.

This area is full of people that may be sucked into the ideal societal lie which could make this difficult. But I do believe it's possible.

21
Partners of Rebooters and Addicts / Re: Tech age
« on: January 31, 2017, 09:52:15 AM »
Quote
The human race survived without porn for thousands of years and we didn't become extinct.

Agreed, in fact, I think the more people slip into this through the generations the closer the human race will be to being extinct. Eventually It'll be weird to want to talk to someone face to face. "Dude want to go bowling? Yeah let me get my VR goggles" Every hangout will be in virtual reality because you can do anything that you want to download. Unfortunately P is a big part of the new VR culture. It's just like someone is using technology to desensitize the entire human race, or at least the first world countries. It's getting increasingly difficult to keep people away from being shown societies version of what it is to be sexual and they are thinking that it's normal.

I can agree with the loss of empathy and emotional connection from experience. I was definitely disconnected from my emotion when I was in my addiction. And I also agree that it is absolutely a consequence of being in the addiction because it makes it more possible to do it. I felt honestly guilty and ashamed when I did it but I was able to just disconnect those feelings and continue on with my day. It took a while to be able to reconnect to my feelings because it wasn't just in this relationship. I have been repressing feelings for over a decade. I have been denying that anything was wrong with me for years. I didn't think my parent's divorce affected me, I didn't think the hate I got from people in elementary school affected me, I didn't think my mom's selfishness or absence affected me. I didn't think anything made me really feel. Now I'm finally feeling what kind of effect this had on me emotionally. From reading the addict section I honestly think that it is something that most addicts seem to be missing. They always talk about how they are trying to abstain and how it's hard to fight the urge and how they've been clean for while but that relapsed and how if they stay off porn for long enough they're free. And it's great that they're trying so hard but even if they abstain for a while and never do it again, it doesn't mean they're free. There is usually a big part of their psyche that got them there in the first place. It seems to me that they hardly address the emotional issues that may have caused, or been caused by the addiction. They may abstain from P but they will still not have the emotional connection that P has taken away even if they never do it again.

When I was abstaining a few months ago and working on recovery, I felt a bit better but I still wasn't giving my partner enough and I didn't know why.I hadn't been acting out. I had been good for months but it didn't seem to be helping at all. I was still missing the emotional connection. Ever since a few weeks ago, and I believe it was building up before that, I finally felt emotion and let it come to me. Once I finally felt a drop of emotion, I was finally able to find the source and wire my way back to it and things have been unbelievably amazing with my partner and I ever since. I really have found that connection.

The biggest problem I believe, was that I have had this for so long that I don't know who I am without it. I've been trying to figure that out and I think since I've been able to try and find myself out, I have had much more motivation for everything and it's helped me finally get somewhere in life.

The emotional connection seems to be the seriously important part that some people are still missing. If there was a secret to recovery (which there isn't, it's all hard consistent work and you can never take a break) it would be that once you find out where those little drops of emotion are leaking from, you can go at the source with your emotional sledge hammer and go at it until the emotion starts flowing through. I have never felt so close to my partner for so long and so consistently.

Society is really killing the ability to interpret emotion and feel empathy. It's all about turning people into zombies to sell things to. It grips you when your young so the hold is stronger and it's absolutely terrifying. 

22
My partner has been reading up on what exactly they do before a photo shoot. We've already looked at their diets. I can't exactly remember what they were but they aren't anything a real human being could live off of for very long and I think i remember reading that they don't eat a day or two before a shoot.

Apparently, according to an article we were reading, they not not only round off everything to make them look smoother even protruding bones, If they aren't satisfied with the model they will edit out their body parts and Photoshop new one's on. The article mentioned a specific instance where the women be interviewed(who remained nameless) said that she was asked to replace a model with another women's arms.

The amount of work these people go through to f*** up everyone's lives is astounding and pretty sad but also horrifying that people actually want to put this stuff out. This isn't advertising this is just straight manipulation. Attempting to put women so far down about themselves so they buy their products to attempt at looking that good. It's a pretty twisted business plan and it's quite sad to see people stooping that low for money and to sell more.

Yeah that's pretty ridiculous that they make it seem that they're all for women but then shame them for doing something a million times more natural than any one of there pictures that they put in and around their stores.

23
There is a VS right in the middle of downtown near where my partner and I live. We have lived in that town for most of our lives and spend a lot of our time there. Right on a corner where everyone can see, sits VS with its very provocative and unrealistic pictures of their models hanging in every window. My partner and I feel that is is highly inappropriate. Not only difficult for me, but it makes so many women feel self-conscious, hurts self-esteem and exposes children of all ages to pornographic depictions of women. This is a huge problem for obvious reasons, exposing kids, and anyone to pictures that say "it's ok to objectify us" and says to many women that that is what guys want does nothing but damage peoples minds.

We are thinking of trying to make them get rid of them or at least be required to turn the pictures to face inward to the store. Or, something
I think would be better would be for them to have to cover up their windows as would a sex shop or a P store so that the image associated with VS would be a bad one and maybe would raise the issue with their advertising and they way they portray women.

What we are proposing, is to bring this issue to town hall and try and get a petition to get them to rectify this problem. And we're hoping that in doing so, it will raise awareness of the problem of how society is trying to shape what is acceptable. Also to show that what they think is acceptable, showing women off as is at a car show, is absolutely ludicrous to any rational person. We want people to think about how ridiculous it is for a company to be able to openly show that to anyone walking by. Non of those pictures are anything close to being real. They edit out the hair, boniness and imperfections on the skin so that it looks perfectly smoothed and airbrushed, they round off their bottoms and their chests to make them look more round and "perfect" and completely change what they look like. We want people to see that not only is it far too inappropriate to display something like that to possibly such young children but also how it does nothing good for anyone to see and try to achieve what's not possible but the fact that they make it seem possible if you buy their products.

They also don't even size right so nothing fits correctly and their materials don't last so even if they didn't do any of that their products still suck.

We would appreciate any feedback, advice or opinions that would help us pose the issue with town hall and anything that we may say to help our case. 

24
Partners of Rebooters and Addicts / Re: Tech age
« on: January 30, 2017, 10:41:40 AM »
I personally agree with all of that. I used to be one of those mindless f***bags. Thankfully though, thanks to the help of my partner my mind has been opened. I used to not think very much about anything and not feel emotions. Now lately I've been feeling so much and I'm more and more disgusted by finding out such horrible things that actually go on in the world and around us.

I had a group of friends that I don't see anymore and I didn't see them that often to begin with. My partner and I went to hangout with them a while ago. This was much earlier in recovery, and she told me afterward that I sounded like I was in middle school when I was with them. I realized looking back at that night that while I was with them it felt like my I.Q had dropped 50 points. Ironically we were celebrating my friend getting an associates degree so you'd assume that they'd be a bit more intelligent. She told me how weird it was to see me like that and that I'm never that stupid unless I'm with them. It was like I ditched my intelligence.

So, I agree that guys (I wouldn't call them men) aren't bothered with being viewed as dumb. You're absolutely right, I have plenty of friends... had* plenty of friends that had absolutely no depth to them. Most of my friendships were more superficial. One of my supposed "best friends" (at least he always said we were best friends I never fully agreed) once I posted publicly about my addiction he openly commented on facebook about how stupid that was and how I can come talk to him once I "get over my ridiculous made-up addiction". Most of the people I knew that I didn't know as well were being extremely supportive and someone I only recognized the name of and didn't know at all posted a really great supportive comment that put my "best friend" down and he deleted his comment afterwards. My "best friend" I know has had his own problems that he's never talked about but I have always sensed an insecurity about him.pertaining mostly to his intelligence. He was very self-conscious about it even saying to me and my other friend "I'm so much smarter than you guys" His reaction to it only tells me that he probably has a problem with it himself that he hasn't come to terms with.

Unfortunately they are so consumed with themselves and they way they treat other people that if you told them they were mindless porn zombies, they'd laugh and say something like "and that's a bad thing?" and just joke about it and maybe talk about a video they saw on a porn site. I've never been comfortable wit talking about porn with friends. I've always tried to hide my excessive use. I was embarrassed by it and I'd never admit to anyone how much I used. (usually at least twice a day) My partner now is the first person I've ever really told. Now if any of them would mention it I'd be disgusted and I'd put it down and change the subject once I've shut them up. Someone I was with said that some girls in porn may enjoy it and I actually got really upset at that. I told how stupid that is and how I don't think they've ever watched a video where the girl actually enjoyed it. He insisted that some probably do and that he needed proof of my point. He shut up when I said that I would email him literally(I was not exaggerating, I can get my hands on a lot that my partner and I have read) over one hundred articles, videos and personal accounts right at that moment that would prove him drastically wrong and how he should really think about that next time he decides to watch it.

It really sickens me now to hear guys I know say these things and be so ignorant. Thankfully I still have some friends that agree with me and have been helpful. They agree with how bad these things are. Unfortunately to find guys with open minds is extremely difficult and the fact that I am only really starting college four and a half years out of high school since I've failed so many classes, I have younger classmates that I fear are as immature as some of my old acquaintances. 

25
Porn Addiction / Re: Focus Points That Helped My Recovery
« on: January 30, 2017, 09:54:55 AM »
Really? That actually is a really good idea. Now that my memory has slightly been coming back I realize that there is possibly a  lot in my past that could've caused me to go to porn for that release to escape the emotions and feelings and the pain it may have caused. Of course this is no excuse for any behavior but I would love to come to terms with a reason as to why it started. Anything that's happened after it started however, is all on me. But I do believe with the utmost confidence that I was trying to hide from the pain of hearing my parents fight for so many years and realizing how absent my mom was when I was little and realizing even now as she continues to ignore me for 2 weeks, how selfish she can be.

I have been so careless to the way she is for my whole life. Me, my brother and sister would go back and forth between my mom's and my dad's house. ( this started when I was 10 or 11 and now I'm 22 so you can see how long it took me to realize this.) My sister stopped going to my mom's because they didn't get along for valid reasons. My sister, and I never knew this, took care of us when my Dad was on business trips and my mom was out getting drunk and doing who knows what else. Then my brother stopped because they didn't get along. I kept going until before I turned 18 and she got a smaller apartment and I just stayed living with my Dad, brother and sister. I kept ignoring the way she was so I got along with her. Lately she's always asked me for help. Mostly with her computer, ipad and phone because I used to work for a third party Verizon retailer. Then about two weeks ago she accused my partner of screening my phone calls for why I didn't answer her, and treated me like a child saying "i'll get you a new phone, we'll put security on it, you'll have a new number and only you and I will have access to it" assuming my partner was controlling my phone. She has mobile fence on my phone with an account I can't get into but she leaves settings unblocked so all I have to do is turn off it's administrator settings. It will notify her that it's been turned off but I still have the choice so I can have full control if I wanted to. I also have my gaming pc and a tablet and this work computer in my office, so there are plenty of things that I have control over so there is no way she is really controlling me.

I addressed to her how I felt over text because she's very difficult to get together with since she works an unbelievable amount of hours at a nice restaurant. She ignored me for a few days and brought up a different topic so I addressed it once again and she's ignored me for about another week now. She still shows her immaturity and I learned recently that this was part of the problem with her absence. I never knew much about the divorce but I asked my dad about it and he shared it with me. My mom was very absent and had her own addictions, she went out frequently and didn't take care of us, especially when he was away on business. My Dad tried for years to get here to just give even the smallest amount of effort. I'm sure this caused a lot of other problems with the relationship. She still neglected us and my Dad. She has been with the same guy since before the divorce and still is. I know that they were split up a while before the divorce but I'm not sure if that guy was before that or after. Either way I'm sure it hurt my dad. I never thought of my parents together. That idea has been very weird to think about. It's just normal for them to be apart. What I didn't know my whole life and I could see as he was explaining it to me was how much he still cares for her. I now know why he's never said anything bad about her. When he explains the problems with her he always says "but shes a very wonderful person" or something like that.

So there really is a lot of things in my life that I haven't addressed and that I my have been trying to hide from. Realizing these things has been a huge part in helping me feel and helping me learn to feel my feelings and not try to hide from them.

Pages: [1] 2