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Messages - K-Dot

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One day Thina and Lizzy were down at Gino's Bar and Grill enjoying their weekly meet-up luncheon that they both always looked so forward to.  Thina was gorgeous, smart, athletic, refined, and very considerate of others; she was currently dating a fine young man of many good qualities who was also 23 years old, the same as Thina and Lizzy.  Lizzy was also attractive and was very good at listening and had more than once provided Thina with a timely nugget of wisdom.  After having had finished their sandwiches and settling into their desserts, Lizzy, who had noticed Thina had been a little on edge during their meet-up, looked at Thina and said, "okay, out with it. What is on your mind?  Something is on your mind."  Thina meekly replied, "oh, it is nothing."   If there was one thing Lizzy knew, it was that Thina's "nothing' was always a "something." Lizzy wasn't buying the snow job this time.   "Look, Thina, either you tell me what is going on or I will grab the rest of your dessert and finish it myself and stick you with the bill. Quit messing around".

Realizing she was trapped, Thina whispered, " I have a confession.  I have to get something off my chest."  Lizzy's ears perked up as she leaned in just in time to hear the following:

  . 
"Relationship that I have with my guy is wonderful. He is the best person I've ever met. There hasn't been a single argument since we got together (11 months). The only thing that started bothering me few months ago as I started to care more is that he gave his body to a few girls before me (I don't know the number I don't ask him about his sexual past) but I can guess that there is at least 1.  He's also 23 and he's  only the third guy I've slept with. I know the past doesn't matter on logical level, but I get these negative emotions and I have unwanted scenarios of him with other girls in my head. Sometimes I can notice that these thoughts are not bothering me and that I don't give a fuck about them, I know I'm the best he's ever had, but most of the time I feel really sad about them. I really love him and don't want to leave him, because he's perfect. But at the same time I feel this resentment."


At this point Lizzy noted that Thina had not asked a question or sought advice.  Not knowing what to say, Lizzy simply asked, "is that it?"

Nodding and looking down, Thina simply replied, "that is it."

Thank you man, what a great answer, I appreciate it.  Really nice perspective. You wrote a story around my post with a lot of details to make me feel betters, thank you for your effort

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Now i say Congratulations!!. Now defend your spot at the top I'll join yah soon.
Thank you. I hope so

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Confession

I need to get something off my chest...

Relationship that I have with my girl is wonderful. She is the best person I've ever met. There hasn't been a single argument since we got together (11 months). The only thing that started bothering me few months ago as I started to care more is that she gave her body to a few guys before me (I don't know the number I don't ask her about her sexual past) but I can guess that there are at least 3. She's also 23 and she's  only the second girl I've slept with. I know the past doesn't matter on logical level, but I get these negative emotions and I have unwanted scenarios of her with other dudes in my head. Sometimes I can notice that these thoughts are not bothering me and that I don't give a fuck about them, I know I'm the best she's ever had, but most of the time I feel really sad about them. I really love her and don't want to leave her, because she's perfect. But at the same time I feel this resentment

That's it

4
Today I passed 1 year of no porn
Sex is great. However, sometimes i do the marathons with my girl and we had sex 9-10 times in 3 days last week and I have tendency to feel exhausted after that. But I can heal after few days. Where I was only 6 months ago (PIED, PE, Flatlines) and where I am now is incredible. I would like to thank anyone who supported me in any way

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Ages 30-39 / Re: The Dead Man Has Arisen
« on: May 16, 2019, 01:15:24 PM »
If you ask me about relationship talk with her, honestly, I wouldn't mention it, I would let her bring it up

6
Day 316

I don't know what the fuck happened yesterday... Two days ago I was so sexually exhausted. I've had 8 orgasms in 2 days and I could maintain erection only in the round 1 or 2. I told myself I'll take a week off from sex. But....
My girlfriend invited me to her place yesterday. We cooked a dinner and had sex 2 times and I was super horny and my erection was like a muthafucking iron both times. My refracotry period was shorter than ever. Later that night we was invited our friend's party and we slept over. We had sex 2 more times and the same happened. My dick was a muthafuking stone. I don't know what this is but i love it!!!

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Good insight. Glad you keep posting! Gives me motivation and a glimpse into what the future holds.

Thank you my man! I'm glad my story inspires you

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Day 314

Last month the frequency of sex with my gf was usually once a week (where I would orgasm 3 times at average) and my boners where great.
Last 2 weeks we had sex a lot - Friday 1 orgasm, Saturday/sunday - 4 orgasms, Tuesday/Wednesday/Thursday - 8 orgasms. I feel aroused and sometimes come really fast in the round 1 or 2, but for the later rounds I've noticed that It's harder for me to get aroused and to maintan erection - my dick feels  tired. I think I should pause with orgasms for a little bit and stretch the period between them out.

9
Day 285

Relapsed god damn, fuck my life I'm gonna put my dick on the railway so train can smash it!

Just kidding you fools, I didn't relapse, I'm smashin' it! Went through the 7 day flatline. It ended few days ago and I got hard like a diamond for sex and lasted pretty long for the first round, my girl made really emotional/sexual sounds and it turned me on like a muthafucka, she said it never felt so good like that. I still have a lot of space to improve, but I can say that my sexual life is the best it has ever been. I've been driving my girl wild, even when I can't fully get hard, I'm doing so many crazy things. I can't imagine what'll happen when I get 100% healed, I'll make it rain maan!

10
Ages 30-39 / Re: Rise Up Dead Man
« on: March 22, 2019, 03:56:00 PM »
Day 75

Today has probably been the best day of the year so far for me. I'm so grateful for everything that's happening right now.

Firstly, I had a double session with my therapist this morning. I lengthily talked about women in general, N. and how to prepare myself to get back into the world of dating. It was a great conversation as always and she helped me to reflect myself a lot. To make up my mind about my intentions and how to put them into action. After that, I had an appointment with a young urologist who was very well-versed in the whole PIED thing and how damaging porn can be. But before I went to him, I thought about contacting N. because she lives in a part of the city which is halfway between the urologists office and my place. So, I thought, fuck it, just write her which I did. I asked her, if she would like to take a stroll with me after I had finished my business in the city. She didn't read the message right away and therefore didn't reply instantly. The urologist was very helpful and told me to continue rebooting and that I'm doing the only right thing. He also assured me that my precum problem is very common and that it is because I'm very sensitive right now. It will turn back to normal at some point, once I get used to real intimacy again. He was also like "once you get intimate with her, just go for it!" which made me grin broadly. Lastly, I asked him about cialis and if it would help me in my case to which he agreed so he prescribed me a very low dose of cialis (5 mg). I thanked him for his time and everything and left the office.

N. had written me back during my visit at the office. She told me that she would love to see me, so we set up a date. I arrived a bit early so I stood and waited at the meeting place for a few minutes. It was in front of a corner store at a crossroads, so there were many pedestrians and I was scanning the area for N. because I didn't even know which way she would arrive from. And some thoughts crossed my mind, like what if she looked differently from what I remember her, what if I won't like what I see anymore, what if she had changed drastically and so on and so forth. The last time I had seen her was 3 (THREE!) years ago. But from what I remember, she was totally my type because she is half-pakistani and I'm an absolute sucker for exotic mixed race girls especially if they have a light brownish skin and black hair (I mean this totally not in a racist way, it's just the way it is). While I was scanning the area for her, I spotted a girl who matched the described type but she was plump and sort of scruffy and I was thinking "oh no, please don't let that be N. Oh fuck, if that's her, I need to run away ASAP..." While, I was looking at that woman, I heard a "Hello Pete!" from my right, so I turned around and spotted the real N. who sorta had snuck up on me ;D

What can I say, she looked way cuter than I had remembered and she was smiling from ear to ear. I took off my sunglasses and gave her a hug right away and told her how happy I was to see her again. And then we walked through the neighbourhood and through parks and areas like that for three hours while we talked about all kinds of stuff. We had a great chemistry for the whole three hours and it felt magical in a way. It felt so surreal for me because, I haven't had this kind of connection to a woman for 8 years really. I was just so happy about it all and we laughed a lot and gave each other compliments. For example, I told her how mad I was when my depression started to hit me three years ago. It was like one day after we had our initial first date and I told her that I was so angry about the whole situation because I just had gotten to know her and then I was unable to date her again. And she was like "Awww, you're so sweet!", it felt really sincere. It was such a great first date. It couldn't have been better really. And holy shit, I'm so so so attracted to her, damn that cute smile of hers. At the end of the date, I was so aroused that I feared I would come in my pants. I kid you not. As I sit here a few hours after the date, I have the worst blue balls I've ever had. From just talking three hours. Holy shit. What if I get intimate with her??? Dear lord, have some mercy on me.

I'm just so thrilled, like three-four months ago I was very depressed and now my life is coming together and things fall into place and I'm so thankful for it all. At the end of the date, I brought her  back to her place and I wanted to kiss her so bad and I think she wanted the same but next to her house is a restaurant and many people were having their dinner outside and that sorta killed the situation a bit. So instead, we smiled at each other, held each other tight and thanked each other for the lovely date and we both showed clear interest to have a second date very soon. On my way home, I so wanted to write her how much of a great time I had but I chose not to do so because I didn't want to appear needy. To my astonishment she instead wrote me a short message that she had a really nice time and enjoyed herself walking and talking with me. And she wished me a good night. Knowing her a bit, this is almost like a token of love because as I stated in an earlier post she plays her hand very close to her chest. Man, I'm so happy. I almost feel like I'm in love a bit haha, I need to calm down a bit. I'll take a cold shower after finishing this post.

I'll sleep like a baby tonight. Thank you all for contributing so far. Today was a real milestone for me. It was maybe the first step of rewiring with a woman I really like. I hope, I can keep the momentum going. Thanks!

My man, I'm so glad you're this excited! I've once picked up Pakistani girl in the club after performance about year ago, but I felt 0 arousal back then due to my desentitized :D (however, I could see that she liked the daddy a lot 3:) ). Man when you meet up with that girl again, when things get romantic go for the kiss! I'll be mad at you if you write that you went out with her again and didn't make a move! Just don't fall in love too soon, I see you were in the cloud 9 with that N. girl. I know when I don't fap for a long time, I suddenly got my feelings increased hahaha Love you man <3 

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I can go without porn for the rest of my life. Even if you gave me 3 more lifes i still wouldn't need porn

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How does it make you feel? What are your emotions? Are you jealous, insecure or even frightened?

Also, if you don't mind, would you share your story about how you two got to know each other?

A bit jelaous, but only on subconcious level. On a logical level I know it doesn't matter, but my feelings are not inlined with it. Like it's hard for me to accept that some other dude before me had the same treatment. But I know I make her feel like noone did, I can see it. I need to make a shift in the thinking proccess. She's freaky with me, because all women are freaky. They just won't show it to everyone, because of social programming, which is making an atmosphere that sex is something dirty and shameful for women, instead of something natural. She's freaky in bed, because she trusts me and she see's that I am accepting that side of her without any judgement.

On how we got together:
Me and my friend (who I am making music with) had performance this summer. His girlfriend (I am also good friend with her) came to the show and she invited her best girlfriends to come (my girl is one of them). When we finished, all of her girlfriend's were trying to hook us up. They was trying to get me dance with her. When I got drunk I decided to do it and we started kissing while dancing ( I realized that she probably already had crush on me). Tommorow, when hangover kicked in,  I was ashamed that I am playing games with my female friend's best friend (I wasn't so pumped up for a relationship in that time) and I decided that I won't call her and that I'll forget about it. The night came and i went out to have a few drinks with my friend and when I was coming back home I ran into her...  We went to have a drink and fell back into kissing again. If I didn't run into her that night, we probably wouldn't be together today.

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Ages 30-39 / Re: Rise Up Dead Man
« on: March 06, 2019, 09:21:02 AM »
Man I feel great after reading this. So happy that you found my story as inspiration so much that you told your best friend about me. You made my day brother. Keep it going, I'm waiting for more updates on your recovery (Hope some chicks will come up)

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257

Some random thoughts about girlfriend's sexual past are chasing me this morning. I know on a logical level that It doesn't matter, cause it's only a past and I don't have any problem with her right now, she's perfect girlfriend, she loves me so much and she's obsessed with me. However I feel kinda bad when thinking about how many dudes she got before me, because I see she's good in bed. I know she had one abusive long term relationship  (She had sex with that guy 100%) and some not so serious relationship and that's all. I won't talk about it with her I think I need to get over it and accept the present moment. I just need to share it with my homies over here to take it off my chests

15
Kitty and Pete, thank you

Day 255

Had sex with my girl today, first time, she wanted to make me cum with BJ, The second time we switched a lot of positions, sex felt incredible. I've only noticed that my erection goes to 50%-60% when condom dries up. My boners still need to improve and be more consistent. At March 23rd I'll hit Gabe's recovery time (9 months)

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Ages 30-39 / Re: Rise Up Dead Man
« on: March 04, 2019, 02:34:12 PM »
Pete man, I didn't know you've started journaling until now, you're in the 30-39 section, which i rarely open, but now I'll look at it more often, since you've started writing.
 I've read posts about your PMO, relationships and basicly life history and it touched my soul man. Escpecially that part with E (the way you described her eyes - people make songs about those kind of eyes).  It's also nice thing that you have a long time best friend (that homie you opened up to).
I'll find your adress and kick your ass if you ever relapse, you're doing it great bro, don't fuck it up!

I was suicidal 2 months ago (PIED/flatline even after 190 days of noPMO), I couldn't even penetrate my girl, I thought I'll lose her. Now, 2 months later, I make that pussy rain, she want me inside of her all the time. My erections are still far from being consistent, but they are still good to enjoy sex, which was impossible before. Even my PE is getting better.  I'm writing you this to give you hope, that sometimes it takes long, but one day you'll be where you're supposed to. Don't stop! Much love bro <3

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Day 254

I think this reboot & rewiring thing is real. I used to feel like a zombie few months ago and all the women seemed so artificial. Now I get horny as hell when I am with my girl. I was unable to have vaginal sex at all, now I can (still have PIED, but it's 10 times better than before). The more I have sex, the better my erections are getting. Don't lose hope guys, I was suicidal about will I ever be able to have sex again, even when I was 6 months porn free. Just be patient and results are coming

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@all_in_now thank you so much for the support bro

Day 253

Thoughts about having sex with my gf are making my heart pump faster

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Day 251

Got horny today because of the thoughts of having sex with my gf.
Got really anxious about my future. I'm studying IT technology and curretly I am on a third try to finish the 2nd year. Programming and other stuff became really annoying to me and I don't know what to do with my life now. I know I should try to finish 3 years and get bachelor degree at least, but thoughts of learning all that code syntax and rules are horrify to me.

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I was asking because I'm facing the same problem. I know, it is porn induced because I haven't had the problem a few years ago. But now, when I watch P (which I don't do anymore) or even think about something remotely sexy for too long, there is a little bit of precum. It really makes me angry because I fear, it's something that cannot be fixed again. I really worry that something in my glands has changed forever...

And you know, many people have a misconception about precum. The majority of people think, it's a natural lubricant where in fact it is not. The body produces precum so that the sperm can travel easier through the "pipes" (sorry, I'm lacking a better word for it...). Therefore, it's a precursor of an incoming orgasm and a symptom of PE when released too early or in an excessive amount.

I've fantasized this morning about blow jobs I got few days ago and precum came out hahahaha

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K-Dot, I have a question. Do you have very quick or excessive release of precum? That can be symptom of PE.

I think I have, especially in the first round, where I usually cum after 10 seconds of penetration. Later I last longer, but If I hit it from behind for example, I feel like I am always at the edge of orgasm. I last the longest when I let her be on the top. That's also when I feel she gets wet the most.

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Day 249

My girlfriend came to my place this morning. We cooked together and then went for sex. First two times i got few nice biners without direct stimulation, but i came in like 10-15 seconds when penetrating. The third time I was able to get hard and last really long, I lost erection few times, but I was able to get it back and keep on making love to my girl. I got 3 orgasms and I'll track will I enter the flatline in couple of next days.

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Day 248

First wet dream after more than 2 months, but it was about porn this time. However I've got solid morning wood and I feel sexual tension towards having sex with my girl tommorow. Bought some durex love condoms and some indian smelling sticks for atmosphere. I am only frustrated because of the fact that I live with my parents and I have to call my girl over only during the day. I find night much more romantic

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You know, there is another thing you could try for a few weeks or even months. It's what sex therapists recommend in situations like yours where the guy deals with ED/DE. Be intimate with your girl, but don't focus on your erections or you getting an orgasm. Just be intimate with your girl, make sure your girl is good and all that stuff, have some fun but without actual penetration. That way, you could even become more and more relaxed until penetration just becomes the next natural step. I haven't tried it myself, so there is no first hand experience I can share, but maybe give it a try?!

I agree with you absolutely. I realised dick actually has the small percentage of getting women to orgasmand that the easiest way to make women cum is if she's emotionally engaged in you. Foreplay also does takes a big percentage and In my expirience dick comes after that. Most women also can't reach climax without direct clitoral stimulation. I do all stuff of seduction and foreplay with my girl. That's just my expirience

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Congrats on 8 months, that's a huge achievement.

Here is my interpretation for the dream: I think your last decent successes were somewhat of a relief for you. I know these dreams to well. Many times have I dreamed about having sex in the past, and ALWAYS, I struggle with PIED. In my mind, it means that my subconsciousness is very occupied with the thought of failing again. Because it's such a horrible feeling. So when I'm having sex in dreams, there is always this tense moment when I'm about to penetrate, will it work, will it not work... So your dream not being about PE/DE could be interpreted as a good sign. Maybe your subconsciousness is not as worried about these problems anymore. Maybe you just relaxed more. I don't know. Anyways, wishing you a good experience in 2 days ;)

Pete, thank you my brother! I also think that these deams are sign of subconcious shift in my mind - I worry less about performing

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