Messages

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Ages 40 and up / Re: 5-22-2016.....will fight my addictions,

« on: May 26, 2016, 11:10:13 AM »

today i am doing ok, now i realize from advice on this site how to properly maintain my journal.
 I read Williams post (hello gentlemen now we begin ) and the links provided. this really inspires me, and thanks to the one who recommended this reading, Gabe Deems videos  have also open my eyes . I have not yes told my story, I will on my next days off, i know it important for me to share this for support and advice, to open up with humility, so i can know my own self, in a way I am still confused, but less confused, is my case severe, is it porn related, anxiety related ED or both. In my heart I know with dedication and discipline along with the help of others I can overcome this, its not so much a problem for my to avoid porn on the internet or in photos, the problem for me is visions of porn and sexual fantasies in my mind, currently my body feels broken, i have kept my goal of no marijuana, or drugs and have not had a drink of alcohol for almost a month now. I will see a addiction counselor in 5 days from now, not sure if he even understand the subject of porn or anxiety related ED all i know is i need to be strong, and learn about myself, so sleepy goodnight, and thanks for reading and hope to hear words of encouragement.

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Ages 40 and up / my second day of sobriety

« on: May 23, 2016, 08:20:54 PM »

I feel inspired today, so much energy with better eating and exercise, my challenges now are controlling my thoughts, I keep waiting for my book...breaking the cycle...I am sure things will get tough , but never have been so determined to become the best person i can be....not perfect , just want to share my love and rid this monster ..take care...peace out

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Ages 40 and up / Re: 5-22-2016.....will fight my addictions,

« on: May 23, 2016, 08:11:33 PM »

thanks so much, your support helps....i feel strong , i made some calls, will speak to a counselor , day 2 clean and sober, i feel young and healthy

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Ages 40 and up / Re: Realizing I'm in hell

« on: May 23, 2016, 02:14:56 AM »

wow your story is the exact blue print of my experience,  I have never been more driven and motivated to stop and understand my addictions, what this has done to my thought process, I will not be robbed of love in the future

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Ages 40 and up / 5-22-2016.....will fight my addictions,

« on: May 23, 2016, 01:59:44 AM »

2 weeks ago i realize my I want to change my life, so facing me are my addictions , my problems are mental , smoking pot for me gives me a huge imagination, my thoughts will just wonder and wonder . i see now, as of today i am better off with just one personality, one solid consistent mind set to help see what is real and what is not real.....today i made a offering of my marijuana in the river  , now it will be day by day...in the future I will meet my lovely friend again, i will win this battle, the rewards will be much better then my wondering fantasies ...as i see now porn for me is also just thinking of porn, even a split second vision

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Ages 40 and up / Re: hi everyone and thanks for giving me hope

« on: May 22, 2016, 11:13:18 PM »

that was amazing, i am addicted to many things, prepare for battle I will, nothing more important then to give and receive love 100 %....thanks for sharing.....the information answered a lot of questions that i had....how porn takes different shapes......thanks for sharing

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Ages 40 and up / hi everyone and thanks for giving me hope

« on: May 22, 2016, 11:36:31 AM »

I can not describe how i felt a few weeks ago with a my date, I was confused , extremely sad, after watching the videos , and reading some posts, I realize I have porn induced and anxiety induced ED . I came across  Gabe Deems videos, and others, it felt so sad and yet so inspirational at the same time to know there is a cure, I have too much love in me not to love again, with good reading, healthy living and thinking, overcoming addictions, and the help of others I am positive i can overcome this, I needed to touch base here, my first post would appreciate anyone advice