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Messages - andrei1293

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1
Ages 20-29 / Re: I want to get rid of this
« on: August 01, 2016, 03:13:57 AM »
Day 4
I read all day long. Didn't had any urge at all. It was a good day, i wish all could be like it.

2
Ages 20-29 / Re: I want to get rid of this
« on: August 01, 2016, 03:11:22 AM »
Thanks for encouragement. I nedded it.

3
Ages 20-29 / Re: I want to get rid of this
« on: July 30, 2016, 03:42:16 PM »
Day 3
I woke up early and went outside till afternoon. When i got back i naped but after this hell. I don't remember to felt that misery, lonliness and sick. I was weak and i relapsed. It's so hard... I still fell that way but need to get over and do some activity, i don't have a choice. I want to be better than this

4
Ages 20-29 / Re: I want to get rid of this
« on: July 30, 2016, 03:35:04 PM »
Day 2
Had cravings since wake up but didn't give in. I had lots of work to do that kept me busy. I felt a some hate and anger but for short period of time

5
Ages 20-29 / Re: I want to get rid of this
« on: July 29, 2016, 04:24:34 AM »
Day 1
Yesterday was fine, I did some workout which pretty much exhasted me. I had housework to do and so I was busy enough to not to think about PMO.
After that I went to university campus, i have some errands to do which will keep me busy for five days. I didn't bring my laptop with me to not be very tampted but i brought my book to keep my mind off PMO when it will be back.

6
Ages 20-29 / Re: I want to get rid of this
« on: July 29, 2016, 04:06:23 AM »
Thanks, i appreciate

7
Ages 20-29 / Re: My Overcome Journal
« on: July 28, 2016, 05:25:00 AM »
You have the power to overcome this. Good Luck!

8
Ages 20-29 / I want to get rid of this
« on: July 27, 2016, 02:37:44 PM »
Hi, my name is Andrei, a 22 years old student. I didn't had intercourse with any girl by now, only with my hand. Although I had the chance to get a girlfriend, multiple times. I will tell more later.

I will tell you now the story of my addiction, that goes hand in hand with my life because it influenced all parts of it, I will tell you how much I have done this and how it escalated in the last two year.

I've started PMO at 13 and i kind of realised that it is a problem at 18 when i noticed that i have a hard time concentrating on studying for exams. In the meantime i managed to get through faculty, but I'm on last year and I should have finished in the first week of july, but obviously not. I got one more chance in september and if i can't stop doing this "activity" i will do one more year. So i'm pretty motivated.

I got my first computer, with internet connection, at 15 and started doing heavy PMO. It was a time that I would do this like 4 times a day. I was depressed and didn't have any friends, just school buddies in school time, no outside activity on summer, just video games and PMO and sometimes, not much enough, reading books.
So about 3 years of video games, PMO and occasional learning to not repeat some subject at school.
In summer of 2011 something happened. After i finished 11th grade I started reading, all kinds of books. I sill didn't had any social activity, but this time I had some "mental activity". I stayed three months reading all day, especially novels. In that summer i still PMO'd but this time i PMO'd once a week and all the remaining time doing this fun activity which led me this far, academically and up to one point, socially. All i have accomplished so far I owe to the books.

When the 12th grade started I was determined to study hard to pass the baccalaureate exam ( at the high school that I went this was something, don't worry I'm not that stupid). My exam contained math, national language( romanian ) and physics. I did pretty well, all that reading was extremely helpful, in fact that summer pushed me this far, you will get to know how far later. I had a thing for math since middle school, i had good grades and even went to olympics. So, in 12th grade i started to study very much math and physics and got a thing for physics too, i watched and liked all the documentaries on NatGeo and i really wanted to go to get a major in physics but eventually went into engineering. I wanted to learn all the math and physics I could and I did, for some time.

In faculty I did well, average. Got maximum points at math subjects and went to olympics once again, I was delighted. I did make a name for myself. This went straight up until in the forth year of faculty when I got an research assistant at an research center in the field. I know most of stuff that it is required from me to know but not enough to satisfy me. But, as you expected, this academically growth was accompanied by the PMO growth.

The addiction escalated in the last 1.5 year, when I started watching and getting off only with degrading stuff. I escalated that far that I think I have SOCD.

I read what I have, what should be done to get rid of it but for some reason I still do this. I hope I don't have a personal problem but I think I am mostly scared by the fact that in time I will change, the lethargy will be gone, I will become more social, more activ, I will start to learn more, better, learn the things that I cannot until now because of this addiction, will become more aware. I am scared of the change that I will go through. I am scared that I have to tell people what was the cause of the old me and I don't want to tell them this, they never truly helped me and I don't want to do it anymore.

I want to get rid of this addiction, I really do. I think I need encouraging, I don't have confidence anymore in my abilities.
In the last year i tried to break this cycle but my best streak was 5 days. I didn't tell anybody, I didn't requested help, was doing this all by myself. In the last two month best streak was 2 days. I want to free myself.

In about 2-3 years I have to buy a house, to move and live alone. The job I got will provide the money, but if I don't provide the commitment I will lose it and I really don't wanna lose it. This is my life, my future career.

So, now about the girls. As I was saying above I think nature will run it's course if I focus on what is most important for me, my career and my knowledges are my priorities and to learn as much as I can and to accomplish something.

I never want to do PMO again, altough this will be hardest thing I will ever do.

I want to start slow with the goals, 3 days then 7 then 14 and all the way to 90 and so on.

But my ultimate goal is to never PMO or even MO for the rest of my life. I want to become such a man that I am able to control my thoughts, my actions and my words. I want to never do this, even if I'm in need, this is the worst thing a man can do to himself. There are so many activities that worth time.

Wish me strength and luck to achieve my goals.

Sorry if I wrote something wrong, english is my second language.
Sorry if I hadn't continuity in story telling and if i jumped from one idea to another, I don't concentrate well and I have mood swings.

If there is something that you didn't understand good enough fell free to tell and I will answer.

I will start my journal beginning tonight and will post every evening or morning after

   

 



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