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Messages - Warthog

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1
Ages 40 and up / Re: Old Hog, New Tricks?
« on: May 06, 2016, 03:35:37 PM »
It has been a while since I posted.   Mostly just lurking and taking inspiration from many others here.  This forum continues to be the best tool for combating PMO is have run across.  Thanks to all who post......you do more good than you know.

2
Ages 40 and up / Re: Whew!
« on: April 22, 2016, 05:47:30 PM »
I have to decide about the whole "counting days" thing. Maybe I'll count weeks for a month. And then switch to counting months. In the end, maybe after a year, I'd like to stop counting...It'd be like I was just counted as "No More" (NoMo). I'd be a NoMo MoFo.


Stick do days and get your "count bargraph" going.  It is sort of amazing how much that seemingly trivial little indicator adds to the "reasons not to succumb" items.

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Ages 40 and up / Re: This will be my final reboot
« on: April 18, 2016, 10:07:12 PM »

Most of the doctors I have talked to basically say take some Viagra and wack off all you want. There is no such thing as porn addiction.

Two points:

1) Keep trying until you find a doctor who doesn't have his head up his rectum.   

2) Testosterone level is quantified by a very real and very accurate chemical procedure, which no doctor can argue with.
Better to have the test run and KNOW one way or another.  If it is low, hormone therapy is indicated (mine was VERY low).     

4
Ages 40 and up / Re: This will be my final reboot
« on: April 17, 2016, 10:01:33 PM »

I thought of giving her the TED Talk link. Sending her a link to this place and YBOP. I still think that I'm the one who really screwed up here. It could have been good with her but I had to go and edge the day before. I still don't have much of a sex drive left. Is that usual for 68 days after the last reboot. This is driving me crazy too. Last week I woke up with morning wood that would have split her in two. This weekend, nothing. Do I really have anything to offer her. How long before my dick is fixed? 90 days? 120 days? A year?

The more you open up with her, the better off you will be, even if nothing comes from it......it will be easier to "open up" next time (and there will be a next time).

And your sex drive is going to be "up and down", but with a slowly increasing base.  To give you a personal example, last week my wife and I had sex, and I had a great orgasm/ejaculation.  Today, we "did it again" and although I was hard throughout, no climax for me.  Now...once a week may sound "scarce" to you younger sorts, but I am 68 and she is 67 (married 45 years now).

One thing (if you haven't already done it), go to your MD or urologist, and have your "free testosterone" levels checked.

5
Ages 40 and up / Re: This will be my final reboot
« on: April 17, 2016, 06:25:12 PM »
I would say "what you do now" is "do the program".  I would also say that if you want a shot at the lady that broke up with you, get HER onto this forum in the Partners section so she can understand your problem. And it "is" YOUR (and MY) problem.  Only "we" can solve it, but there is plenty of help and encouragement to be had here.

I think you can honestly say that you didn't understand the full impact of PMO (but I think you do now). I do not for a minute believe that you "will never be able to even relate to, much less have sex with, another woman".   But it is gonna take a lot of time and a lot of work  to get there.

6
Ages 40 and up / Re: Old Hog, New Tricks?
« on: April 16, 2016, 05:03:50 PM »
Anyone else notice this effect??  After being off of porn for longer times, I occasionally have "unexpected emissions".  What I mean by that is every few days, I will feel like I need to urinate, but on beginning to do so, the first few drops are obviously seminal fluid, followed by normal urination.   What I suspect is having JO'd so often for so many years, I have trained my prostrate to "produce" at a higher level. 

7
Women / Re: My journey to restoration
« on: April 13, 2016, 10:32:14 AM »
Wathog, I'm  almost dumbfounded by your comment. And don't take this to be rude. But really? So that would make it better? Well at least it's different things he's attracted to in my sisters??? What?! I'm
Confused at how you feel that the thought that he likes other things about them then he does about me makes it any better ???

Whoa....complete misunderstanding on your part.  What I am saying is that he is possibly attracted to the SAME things in them that he was attracted to in you.  That was the case in MY "problem". 

8
Women / Re: My journey to restoration
« on: April 13, 2016, 06:16:31 AM »
Not knowing how strong the family resemblance is between you and your sisters, but it is not unlikely that the same things that attracted him to you also attract him to them.   That was certainly the case with my wife (and yes, I did fantasize about her sisters).

9
Ages 40 and up / Re: Realizing I'm in hell
« on: April 11, 2016, 10:00:54 AM »
Next journal.
Feeling very depressed. I decided to do this only two days ago, and had been porn free about five days before that. Cannot shake the feeling that this realization simply came too late, that I am done.


Not so, my friend.  It is NEVER too late.  I'm 68, and been using porn since age 13 or so.  Nudy mags and books at first, then videotapes, and with the change to computers, free downloadable videos about ANY topic.  As you can see from my counter, I have only been doing this (successfully...thanks to this forum) for a relatively short time, and even with that very long-term exposure, I already see very positive results

Hang in there.   You are right that the only person you can "do this for" is you. 

10
Ages 40 and up / Re: Old Hog, New Tricks?
« on: April 10, 2016, 09:28:21 PM »
A really good week....had sex with my spouse, and reached a full bore climax....which had not been the case for many months.  DE and NE for almost the last year.  Now to keep the streak going, hopefully.   Thanks to this forum! 

11
Ages 40 and up / Re: My impatient self and mental math...
« on: April 10, 2016, 07:08:08 AM »

Frankly, I don't know what to say without triggering anyone. I feel generally okay right now. I have battled many addictions before with success. This is a frikkin' big one, and I'm still smoking cigarettes (which has now brought on a bothersome cough.)

I really need a hand reaching out to me. I know I'm not alone here, but feel alone anyway. I just don't know how to get on board or what to say. I want to be positive and helpful for the members here. If I wrote an honest journal, it may not shock anyone but the devil is really in the details.

I would say "post away" and don't worry about triggers.  One thing that EVERYONE here has to learn is now "not" to be triggered by passing comments.   If we can't learn that, we will never progress.

12
Warthog your doing pretty good at 61 days clean so keep on going.

Thanks.  This forum is a major part of that string. Thanks to Gabe and all those who contribute/share.

13
Warthog, I think it depends on the person and the amount of time in the addiction. My husband never had a huge issue with quitting. Looking and ooglinh girls on the street, yes he does though.

Indeed. Every individual case is different.   But I doubt your husband will ever be able to "not" ogle......that one is pretty much hard-wired into males.  You may not notice, but I suspect he "ogles" you, as well. 

14
EB, I really like your comparison of the porn addiction and other addictions such as coffee. Very good.

As a recovering addict, I can tell you that PA is far more difficult to quit than any others I had/have.  Quitting smoking??....easy-peasy. Caffeine?? Even easier. 

I've never done hard drugs, but I suspect that addiction is on a par with PA.

15
Ages 40 and up / Re: Old Hog, New Tricks?
« on: March 31, 2016, 08:26:00 AM »
Thanks, guys.  Pretty much what the "rational" part of my brain was saying. 

And yes, I do remember LIS.  Watched it regularly.  And Dr. Smith was a unique sort of villain, wasn't he?

16
Ages 40 and up / Re: Old Hog, New Tricks?
« on: March 30, 2016, 06:51:19 AM »
Temptation has been a bit of a problem this week...not to the point of PMO, but visiting Reddit and reading some discussions of sexual topics. Anyone care to share experience with how this sort of thing affects the rebooting process.

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Ages 40 and up / Re: Newbie here- First post of my journey
« on: March 23, 2016, 06:46:59 AM »
Wat did the doc say about your testosterone levels??

18
Female here. Last month I posted for advice re: my porn addicted spouse. I told him that his porn addiction made me feel shitty and like he wanted to fuck "those girls" over me. Of course he denied wanting to and admitted that looking at porn is just something he does when he's bored. In his defense I do believe him when he says he is attracted to me or says I'm sexy. But I can't help but compare myself to "those girls." Since then he promised he would stop looking at porn. Luckily we haven't ever had any problems in our sex life. And our sex life has actually improved since he stopped looking at porn. But the problem is he doesn't realize he has an addiction. He doesn't understand why his addiction is off-putting for me.me as a female...I want him to just look at me and appreciate me. Is that asking too much?

Your husband was probably telling you the exact truth as he saw it.  The vast majority of males (male culture) do not view PMO as anything hugely serious, or a betrayal of their wives.  They see it as "a harmless thing guys do".  They pretty much think "look but don't touch" is the boundary point.  Women don't see it that way.  "Men and women are different"..... :)

And quite probably, he does "look at you and appreciate you", since you say there haven't been any (significant) problems with your sex life. 

19

I think they do know. I think they are full of shame and guilt and don't want to tell us why. I'm trying to be patient and hope in time he will tell me why.

"I don't know" depends on which question they/we are hearing. 

They may be answering "why did you get started", or it may be "why can't you quit".  In my own case, I know why I got started....hooked as an early teen.   But until I joined the Catholic Church and began to understand the impact of PMO and its addictive nature, I considered PMO as "just a harmless thing guys do".  In male culture, PMO is NOT seen as a betrayal of trust, or their wives, or equivalent to adultery or anything even remotely like that.  It is just "a guy thing". 

I never had PIED..my problem was DE, and lately NE (i.e. "no" E), but none of that until about the last two years. But until I tried to quit, I had absolutely no clue as the the addictive nature nor the intensity of the addiction.  I quit smoking years ago, and that was "a walk in the park" compared to quitting PMO.  But until I figured that out, "I don't know" was an honest answer to "why can't you quit".

20
So again, I don't understand why he turned to porn.

It doesn't have to be some deep dark urge or failing on your part....it can be something as simple as curiosity. He hears about a subject, or taps a link and gets to a site that is "intriguing" and starts to look around. And then he does it again......

Have you tried simply asking him???

21
Women / Re: My journey to restoration
« on: March 17, 2016, 01:31:56 PM »
Warthog, I am going to think about what you wrote. You are saying that it's just seeing  the act, more or less. Nothing to do with the people at all? I guess. I could understand that. That such a simple explanation but makes so much sense haha.

The "dehumanization" of acts in porn is one of the reasons the Catholic church says that porn is bad (in addition to masturbation itself being sinful).  They call it "the inherent dignity of the human person" as being violated.  One that watches porn is SINNING AGAINST THE ACTORS, not just the wife/partner of the one masturbating, because they aren't being seen as fellow human beings....just objects.

And I can understand well what your husband went through, as I pretty much had the same sort of progression into more intense usage...viewing porn "does" give a bigger "kick" than normal sex.  Why that is, I don't know...not a psychologist. It just does.

And it IS a tool that does give relief from stress....I used it for that also.  I didn't have your husbands problem with physical health, but much the same otherwise.  But I can pretty much assure you that it wasn't about "you" at all.


22
Women / Re: My journey to restoration
« on: March 17, 2016, 08:08:19 AM »

I understand what you saying about it being the rush and not the people in the porn that you want. I get that, but in a sense it is the people to me. I realize it is the feelings and associated drugs (dopamine etc)  that goes with it but those feelings and drugs are coming as a result of the other people. The acts that he/you are fantasizing about doing WITH those other people

But it isn't.  It is simply the depiction of the act itself. It is purely the visual stimulation and resulting mental stimulation.  Look at some of the animated porn.  I guarantee that men masturbate to it and "get off" to such.  I did.  The "women" in those vids bear no relationship to any real female, or even real human. 

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Ages 40 and up / Re: Old Hog, New Tricks?
« on: March 16, 2016, 06:47:08 AM »
Congrats on 30 days and if you truly are ready to heal and be free, then this is the place you can do it.
We can do this!

Thanks.  Thus far, the added boost from here has been enough to tip the "willpower over want" balance in the right direction. 

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Partners of Rebooters and Addicts / Re: Wow, Do I feel stupid
« on: March 14, 2016, 06:38:58 AM »
.Well, Devo22, if the addict is not to blame, if the person who is hiding from life in Porn is not to blame for his/her hiding, If the alcoholic is not to blame for his/her alcoholism, who is???

As an objective statement, your comment is certainly true. But the real truth is that a lot of us got addicted before we were out of our teens and had zip idea at the time that PMO was "bad" in other than a religious sense (and most of us, not even that), that it was addictive,  or what being in a relationship even was.

Now, if your partner took up porn after you were together, that is a wholly different story, but..........did he???  I seriously doubt it.

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Ages 40 and up / Re: Back
« on: March 11, 2016, 09:27:27 AM »
This addiction is different than many others.  We don't have to go to a bar or liquor store or a connection for a fix.  We can go online or even just create/recreate it in our own brains.  It's insidious that way.  I've slipped many times since I had a solid streak of a few months this time last year.  Maybe I've set too harsh bottom lines, but I prefer to think I just spent 25+ years creating patterns of behavior (acting out, fantasizing, avoiding my feelings, etc) and it's going to take some time and hard work to recreate those patterns.  If I can string together a few days, weeks, or (it's been a while, but) months of sobriety, that's improvement.

I think it is also somewhat dependent on how you get your "fix", and what your triggers are. For the last few years, my "fix" has been completely internet video driven (I successfully ditched books and tapes years ago, and was never "into" strip clubs, physical adultery, etc.).  And that is, for me, one of the reasons this site is so important.....when the urge strikes to "get on the computer and look at porn", I can instead "get on the computer and spend time at ReBoot strengthening my resistance".   I have been on other antiPMO sites, but none as broadly based or as dynamic as this one, and I think that will make all the difference for me. 

But................time will tell

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