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Messages - desire2change

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Ages 20-29 / Re: How We Met and Why I Thought PORN Was the One
« on: December 27, 2015, 02:34:00 PM »
cool stuff is going on in your life.
mentor is great step.
keep it up.
you are going fine.

don't leave smartphone completely, just make its use lesser.

No there is no "lesser" about it.

If your left arm is causing you to sin then cut it off.

Ages 20-29 / Re: How We Met and Why I Thought PORN Was the One
« on: December 27, 2015, 03:16:59 AM »
Today is like the 9th day that I haven't watched porn. I don't feel any urges, which to me is pretty amazing considering I generally would have already justified going back to it, and trust me there have been plenty of "justifiable" moments.

Positive things that have happened since my last entry:

    -Spent Christmas eve and Christmas with my wife and Kids.
    -Moved back into my house
    -Had satisfying sex with my wife

Actions I've taken to secure my recovery:

    -Got rid of my smartphone!
    -Started meeting with an mentor.
    -Had an open and honest discussion with my wife about my addiction

Ages 20-29 / Re: How We Met and Why I Thought PORN Was the One
« on: December 24, 2015, 10:29:41 PM »
you have to see yourself.
be responsible.

good actions, good consequences.
bad actions, bad consequences.

but not always, Because I have seen some gang leaders and corrupt politicians dying a very natural easy on bed death.
but we will go with the probability.

probability says, negative energy brings negative consequences in life almost 99 percent.


Hey thanks for the encouraging thought. I'm just not exactly sure what it is you are commenting on.

Ages 20-29 / Re: How We Met and Why I Thought PORN Was the One
« on: December 24, 2015, 02:32:29 PM »
I almost cried today, because it was the first time I spoke to my wife since she kicked me out of our house for watching porn. I got to hear her heart. Normally she is a very angry person when it comes to things I do to hurt her, but today was different. She made me realize how good I've got it and what I've been missing out on--a relationship. I'm so used to watching and getting rewarded that there has never been a reason to interact. I heard my wife's heart today and it brought tears to my eyes.

I want this change in my life....God please continue to show me the effects that porn is having on my life, and in my relationships with others. Prepare me for the battles that lay ahead.

Ages 20-29 / Re: How We Met and Why I Thought PORN Was the One
« on: December 23, 2015, 01:48:48 PM »
Today is day 5 and I'm extremely tired. I just got off work and I feel like I deserve so type of reward for my hard days work, but I keep coming to the thought of watching porn. I'm trying not to replay the tapes in my head, but I keep getting snapshots of some of my favorite finisher scenes. The urges aren't over powering but they are definitely there. I'm just going to go to bed. Hopefully some rest will give me more strength and clear thoughts of what I'm trying to achieve.

Ages 20-29 / How We Met and Why I Thought PORN Was the One
« on: December 22, 2015, 03:32:58 AM »
Ever since I can remember I have been exposed to the pleasures of sex. It started when I was like 4, maybe even younger. I was approached by a maturing teenage girl I knew. She asked me if I wanted to have sex. Oddly enough, at this age, I knew what she was asking me--I said yes. And we would have sex quite often. I know what you're thinking. Is it even possible for a 4yr old to have sex? Apparently so because this my personal experience believe it or not.

 Now, most guys would be like "man you had "p" on tap at age 4. Your a pimp!" In fact this was the response I got from a guy when I told him my story. Just to set things straight this is not an experience i believe makes me lucky or manly. Infact, i believe the opposite is true. Mainly, because from that point till now I have viewed women as sex objects who should lay down, and let me have my way with them. This is how I have been conditioned to think. I've been conditioned this way, not because of a rare occasion that most say I'm luck to have experienced, but because of an ongoing exercise day in day out that has cursed me to believe it's a woman's duty to please me.

At about the age of 13 I stumbled upon my dads box of porn. This was back before VCR was obsolete. As I watched I became instantly hooked, and what I witnessed were women ready and willing to do what ever they were told. These images only confirmed my assumptions of women I had developed in my earlier childhood.

At this time in my life I was home schooled, both my parents worked, and my sister had just turned 18 and decided to move out. This was the perfect storm. I would sit around all day, uninterrupted by nagging thoughts of someone walking in, watching these videos, being very careful to rewind them back to the precise spot before I popped them in.

Ages 20-29 / Re: **Accountability Partner Requests**
« on: December 21, 2015, 10:21:41 PM »

I'm 28 and im neww to this site, but my addiction to porn and it's territory is more than half of my age. I have begun to see the seriousness of my condition, and have gained strength through this site and ybop. I'm three days into my journey, which isn't much because I normally go about a week before I return  to my own vomit, but the difference this time is that I see a ray of hope because all I've learned about my addiction, and the effects it has had on my life.

I say all that to say this--I Want To Be Successful!

If anyone is serious about change please hit me up.

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