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Messages - limpbiscuit

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1
Ages 40 and up / Re: Bright Future Journal
« on: September 11, 2015, 01:59:15 AM »
Hey Guys!

Wow, thanks so much for the input! I am thinking about it a bit right now, and of course haven't done anything like M as of yet. I don't think I could if I tried to be honest...there seams to be NO LIFE down there, and of course that is terribly worrying for a guy like me who has been able to M many times a week for as many years as I can remember. I can not believe how dead it seams...hardly feels like anything! I am hoping that soon, life will return to my below the belt region, and I can have some semblance of a sex life again. I guess time will tell?

I am in the process of figuring out what is going to happen with my bf, as it is on shaky ground, and although he is a wonderful person, and completely trusting and loving guy, there is very little chemistry from me towards him. I am worried this may interfere with my rewiring. When I was with guys in the past (prior to him and when we were on a break awhile ago) I was able to have a "normal" erection and was completely fine, yet with him, I have issues, and so am worried that rewiring will be a challenge with him if we are to stay together. If I am to be apart form him, then I worry I will have trouble meeting other men to date without going online. Is online dating (like match.com or POF) a problem?? I am unsure of how to proceed except to avoid P (and MO for now also).

Anyway you guys are great and thanks so much for the input. I can not tell you how much I appreciate your help, and suggestions, and support.

Love to you all, and keep fighting the good fight!

lb

2
Ages 40 and up / Re: Bright Future Journal
« on: September 08, 2015, 02:13:48 PM »
Hey everyone!

Still at it here, having trouble starting the day everyday (getting up is hard) but once I am up, I have to stay busy. I will go to grab a coffee, go to visit a few friends, work on a "work" project for an hour, then I will go to gym for an hour...home to grab shower, and then off to volunteer for the evening. This should keep me busy...ugh!

I hate that I have done this to myself and now have changed my life permanently. I am hoping that I can pull this out of the fire and make a good happy fulfilling life from this. All I want is to have a loving partner and a real honest sex life.

I am doing so much reading here and finding that people are cutting out TV, games, internet in general, and other things. I am wondering if that is much more extreme then I need? I still watch TV, (I don't really play video games so not an issue there) and I still go on Facebook etc. I just avoid porn images. If I see one of my attractive friends on FB, I acknowledge that they are attractive and move on. I am feeling like the internet is a necessary part of life going forward, it isn't going to go away, and everything we do is largely connected to the internet for work, for social events etc. It would be very isolating to avoid it for me, and I don't know if it is an issue?

Thoughts? Help? I also asked a question about M earlier int he thread, and was wondering if anyone has any input? My thread seems pretty quiet! LOL!

Hope you all have a successful day!

3
Ages 40 and up / Re: Bright Future Journal
« on: September 07, 2015, 02:02:32 PM »
Hello everyone,

So far I besides being near tears at times and depressed (having trouble getting out of bed) I am making the best of it I guess.

I do not really get wood anymore, even if I am horny or looking at cute guys, this is scary to me. I sleep alright (not great, but alright). I have little desire to watch Cam or porn, but have quite the urge to M. I won't do it, I can control it but it is frustrating. I am wondering if I will be able to have sexual activity with my bf or not, and am scared.

Anxiety is less, sleep is so so, depression is definitely there. I can't believe that I have to go through this shit, but It seems totally necessary if I am to avoid/recover my erections with my bf.

I had asked a couple questions the other day but have not received an answer so hope I can post again and someone will have some input for me:) The biggest one is:

1. Is avoiding MO (without porn) a requirement always? or just during reboot? MO seems a natural thing that almost all men do from a young age and it is supposed to be "healthy".

Thank you for your input for sure!

I am still hoping to find a gay (coveted or not) gay man who is in the same boat as me to help/mentor me through the process, and to be my "sponsor"

Thank you so much for all your posts guys, it is helpful to have a place to turn. Just hoping like crazy that I can have a normal sex life again sometime soon, I have wasted so much energy on this part of life.

Take care! Stay strong.

lb

4
Ages 40 and up / Re: Bright Future Journal
« on: September 01, 2015, 03:01:26 PM »
Hi All.

It is still early in that day today, but struggled to get out of bed (Ugh!) made it to the gym and now home for a quick shower then off to the office for an hour to do a bit of work even though I am on a day off!

I was wondering if anyone is similar to me in the following way:

I am 43, gay, and not a hard core addict. What I mean by that is, I didn't have porn on all the time, or if I was busy for a few days I would skip it without big concern. The thing was that I was attempting to M normally and could not get an erection, and also could not get an erection significantly with my bf. Anyway, this lead me here and I am determined to try to get my own sex life back and to not rely or be a slave to anything else (porn or cam) to get off.

Generally used cam2 am for the last while, and really enjoyed it. I had a few "buddies" that I enjoyed very much and actually felt as though I had a friendship with a couple of them. I actually will miss them and one in particular, I have texted and told that I will not be having cam2cam anymore, but in the future we can meet up and person to person is cool, because it is real, personal, and more passionate.

Today and yesterday I noticed that I am very excited, but hardly getting erections. I am feeling quite depressed but am sure that in time (hopefully not to long) this will pass. I have been looking at real guys that I find attractive quite a bit...is that OK? Any input is appreciated.

Cheers and may pst more later if I have time! Kick ass guys!

LB

5
Porn Induced Erectile Dysfunction/Delayed Ejaculation / Couple questions?
« on: September 01, 2015, 02:38:50 AM »
I have a couple questions..hoping for some insight.

1. I have read extensively on this forum and also on YBOP, and people say you must not only stop Porn (for obvious reasons), but also must stop M. M is a natural part of life, and something that was done by most men long before they knew what porn was. How does this help with getting over PMO, and is just plain M something you can bring back into your life down the road?

2. How long does the anxiety last for most people? I know it is a symptom of the withdrawal or change in dopamine levels, but was wondering how fast a person generally returns to a "new normal"?

Thank you in advance gang.


6
Ages 40 and up / Re: Bright Future Journal
« on: September 01, 2015, 02:08:00 AM »
Today was interesting...some observations:

1. Anxiety! Got better after the gym, and a visit to my counsellor.
2. Horny as can be, but no erection. (Why is that? I used to get erections if I was horny at times. Am I beginning to flatline already?)
3. Tired, as I am not able to sleep well, due to stress and anxiety.
4. When I am around others it seems to get a little better, less horny and less anxiety.
5. genital area feels "empty" or achey.
6. Tried a quick cold shower and it felt awful, but once done, I guess maybe I felt better...

Take care everyone,

LB

7
Go for it mate...don't let P back in your life. I am right with ya...day two for me.

LB

8
Ages 40 and up / Re: Bright Future Journal
« on: August 31, 2015, 05:26:58 PM »
I have a couple questions..hoping for some insight.

1. I have read extensively on this forum and also on YBOP, and people say you must not only stop Porn (for obvious reasons), but also must stop M. M is a natural part of life, and something that was done by most men long before they knew what porn was. How does this help with getting over PMO, and is just plain M something you can bring back into your life down the road?

2. How long does the anxiety last for most people? I know it is a symptom of the withdrawal or change in dopamine levels, but was wondering how fast a person generally returns to a "new normal"?

Thank you in advance gang.

9
Ages 40 and up / Re: Bright Future Journal
« on: August 31, 2015, 01:13:54 PM »
Thank you very much everyone! Such great advice. I just can't believe that a few days ago, I thought nothing was really wrong, and now my world is upside down! It is scary to think that I have an addiction, and it is going to be a nightmare struggle.

I am debating how to tell my bf, as this could surely kill our relationship. It has not been terribly strong anyway. Time will tell.

I would sure like an "accountability friend" here online. Preferably a gay man as there may be better understanding.

Thanks again everyone, I am off to try to keep busy as my anxiety is huge today.

LB

10
Ages 40 and up / Re: Bright Future Journal
« on: August 31, 2015, 01:52:30 AM »
Trackers set...

It has only been a day since I used an app or website to look at P or P like material, but I have not directly PMO'd in about 15 days. I did M yesterday but it was a huge struggle as no P was used.

so the journal begins...

My goal is to know what I am like without P, to have a good healthy outlook about sex for life, and to not have PIED.

today has been a day of study, sadness, frustration, learning, videos, tears, anxiety and fear... I am feeling like I totally have to bust a nut. I am so horned, but no erection. My goals have been set, and I am going to do a full reboot. 30 days of no M, and 90 days + with no P.

I will continue to read from the reboot nation all the amazing input from people already past this point, and also will continue to watch the suggested videos from YBOP. What a huge resource.

Thanks to everyone who put their story on here, and shared experiences, it sure helps to know what lies ahead. I am scared as hell.


11
Ages 40 and up / Bright Future Journal
« on: August 30, 2015, 06:40:28 PM »
Today I begin a journey that is a bit of a surprise. I am in my mid 40's and am a gay man. I have an amazing career that I love and allows me to travel the world. I have a boyfriend and although it is not terribly serious (likely because of my issues), and we do not live together, he is a wonderful person, and a kind soul. I trust him and he is patient with me and non judgemental.

I have always been a person that is smart, a master manipulator, a wearer of masks, a "hider" of what is really going on inside, and I am compulsive in many ways. When I do something I tend to do it very well, and full speed ahead. This is the same whether is it how I manage my life, my friends, my career, drinking, smoking, quitting smoking, quitting drinking, and other things too. It has also meant that I have used porn very much and have used it to the point that I do not often (or ever) get an erection with a partner, unless the partner is new, or if it is an incredibly attractive person to me. Now that I am with my boyfriend and no new partners are in my life, my ED has become an issue, as it was not noticeable before.

The way I have led my life has always been to hide from things. When I was young I went full steam into work and an over active social life. As I got older the over active social life continued, If I was home I would feel as though I was missing something. I also began to smoke, drink and party with friends. I smoked for several years, but eventually quit after several tries almost 8 years ago. I was still drinking and eventually it got to the point that I would drink everyday. It was like this for a couple or more years. Eventually, just like smoking, I hated being a slave to anything and so I just stopped, and it has been over 4 or so years. I will never go back to either smoking or drinking as they were completely bad for me.

I now believe that I have PIED. I have used porn (generally cam2cam in the last couple years) as a way to feel intimate, to feel satisfied and to escape stress, boredom, and anxiety. When I was feeling the shittiest I could still always find a cool person online to cam with and life would be quickly "better". The reasons I believe I have PIED is because I have absolutely no issue with getting an erection quickly and easily when I go online. I also have no issue with a new or exciting partner. Now that I am in a relationship that is no longer new, I am hardly able to maintain an erection or to reach orgasm. If I do it is a struggle and as such I find myself avoiding sex in an effort to avoid this awful feeling. I blamed lack of chemistry or "fireworks" but truthfully it is likely PIED. I have been using cams or porn at least once per day (sometimes twice or more, but sometimes none at all for several days) off and on for the last few years, but before that occasionally also.

I have done much reading and have joined this forum for help and advice etc. I am not going to be watching any sort of pornography and am going to do a reboot of my brain in an effort to rebuild my brain pathways so that I can become aroused normally by myself or with a partner.

I hope that others on here will help me with advice and the numerous questions I will likely have along the way! Maybe I can also help you!

For starters, can someone help me with a counter or a spreadsheet? What should I be tracking? Thanks a million.

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