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Messages - bot5432111

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Ages 20-29 / Re: My Journal
« on: April 01, 2015, 11:55:17 PM »
In my journey so far, I have finally come to the realization that temptation is not an outside force that is causing me to make bad decisions. Instead, it is an inside force. Temptation to PMO is my brains way of telling me what it wants; pleasure. All this time I was going about fighting temptation the wrong way. The correct way to overcome it is to not fight it at all. I am the one who has put these thoughts into my head. And so I am the one who has the power to remove them for good (thanks DragonSlayer). If the temptation to PMO is truly just something that I want deep down in my mind, then the only way to get rid of the tempting thoughts is to find something good to replace them with.

My reasons for quitting aren’t physical problems but mental problems. Porn has perverted the way I look at women, look for love, and what I expect out of a relationship. It has brought me to places on the web that I cannot believe I would ever visit. The things I have seen. Even worse, the things that I cannot believe I have seen and then went back to again. I feel like I am in a downward spiral that is disorienting my right mind and changing who I am. It scares me to think that, if what I said in the previous paragraph is true, I want these awful images and videos in my head. I don’t ever want to become that person again. The person that finds pleasure out of those videos and images. That is why I am here. That is why I must succeed.

Ages 20-29 / Re: My Journal
« on: March 30, 2015, 03:01:40 AM »
Day 5:
So, I relapsed. Crap. But I have been really thinking about what DragonSlayer said to me and that I haven't been acting like I wanted to quit. I admit that I just let myself go for a year or two. I used it as a stress reliever from school. Which just ended up causing me more stress. Because of what DragonSlayer said, I asked myself why it was I have not yet quit. After I MO, I always feel relaxed mentally because the rush is gone. Afterwards I don't want to PMO, the thought of porn seems uninteresting, and I feel as if all temptations are free from my mind. But it only lasts a very short amount of time. This is why I feel I am addicted. But from now on I am going to have to tell myself, anytime I feel tempted, that if I fight through the temptation and don't give in, it will eventually get easier and easier to get through the temptations.

If you have any thoughts, comments, or words of advice please feel free to reply! I could really use them.

Ages 20-29 / My Journal
« on: March 24, 2015, 11:47:24 PM »
I PMO'd less than an hour ago. The guilt and frustration I get after every PMO is driving me insane. I have been PMO'ing since I was 15 and just MO'ing since I was 12. In that 8 year period the longest I have been without PMO'ing is 20 days. I have only restrained from it that long twice. But lately, the longest I have restrained from porn is about 3 to 5 days. This addiction is growing stronger than it has ever been before. The urge to PMO used to just come at me when I was in the bathroom about to shower. But slowly the urges started to surface themselves while I was at school or at random times during everyday activities. Now it is a daily thought that pops into my head and it is strong. The anger I have at myself builds and builds after every time I PMO. I have told myself that I was going to quit more times than I can remember. I want to quit for personal and religious reasons. I have tried many different ways of stopping this habit and none have been successful so far. Since I have found this website and read the hundreds of different journals about other's success stories, I now have new motives for my own success. Of the many ways I have tried quitting, I have not ever written my own journal about the subject. I am hoping that by doing this, I can find a way out of this pit that I have dug myself into and back into the light of day. To be free from this habit is my dream, and I cannot wait to make that dream become reality.

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