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Messages - Reboot ROK

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1
Porn Addiction / Re: I'm back, after a year of bingeing
« on: September 20, 2016, 10:46:32 PM »
The 100 days were really easy because My relationship with girlfriend was still pretty new and I was really motivated to show her the man I knew I really was.  She knew I had a problem with ED and after a while I told her what was going on and she said she had a pretty good idea.  She said she didn't care as long as I was finished for good.  I didn't really get too depressed at all.  And after a while I forgot that masturbating was even a thing that I did.  It seemed so foreign to me.  I felt like I was cured.  But then I started to get frustrated with my girlfriend's inexperience and her seemingly asexual attitudes toward sex.  I knew she loved me, but she always made sex seem like a chore.  I felt like all that hard work I did was for nothing and I wasn't feeling fulfilled.  I started masturbating when I wasn't getting any satisfaction from sex.  Then I started to get depressed that I was missing out on all the fun sexual experiences because I was in love with this girl.  It became justified that I get those fun experiences through porn.  But then after relapsing for a year I realize again that it's all fake and I was  just lying to myself instead of working harder to have a more fulfilling sex life with my girlfriend. 

If you are looking for advice I would say it's very easy when you have the right motivation but don't do it for anybody else.  Do it for you and only you.  Don't do it because it might get you laid.  Don't do it because someone said it will get you bigger gains at the gym.  Do it because you want to have a life free from addiction.  Do it so that you can live life on your own terms.

2
Porn Addiction / Re: I'm back, after a year of bingeing
« on: September 18, 2016, 09:29:35 PM »
Pardon this question but what do you think is the solution?
My solution?  The ideal solution would be if I could just MO once a week and be satisfied.  But I know that I wouldn't be satisfied with that.  It would only allow that creepy voice in my head to justify more MO and more PMO.

I guess I just have to try my best not to PMO or MO and try to make this the year that I go full monk-mode, concentrate on my studies, abstain from sex, and hopefully come out a much better man who is in control of his sexual urges.  That would be the best case scenario, of course. 

Although perhaps unlikely, the worst case scenario would be that I spend this entire year fapping, wasting time when I should be studying, and when I see my girlfriend again a year later I will be emotionally and sexually numb. 

The second worst would be that I have a sexual encounter, or two, with someone that isn't my girlfriend.  I suppose in the grand scheme of things that might not be so bad if it means I get to keep my sanity.

3
Porn Addiction / I'm back, after a year of bingeing
« on: September 16, 2016, 10:49:41 PM »
So it looks like I've been away from this site for 325 days.  That means it has been at least that long since I gave up on my reboot and went back to daily PMO.  Some days I would PMO multiple times in a day.  I would often take a day or two off.  Every time, just like this time, I would tell myself that was it, I was going to restart my reboot.  But then the next day I would be right back at it. 

About a year ago I had rebooted for about 100 days.  I remember it being so easy.  Things were going well with my girlfriend and everything still seemed so new with her.  Then when things weren't so new with my girlfriend I felt like my sexual desires weren't being met.  My girlfriend has never had any sexual partners before me and is rather inexperienced and is rather nonsexual.  But I love her so much. 

I started to really crave masturbation the day after we would have sex.  It was really weird, and it was easy for me to justify since my ED seemed to be under control and my sex life seemed to be getting normal again.  I would start masturbating without porn.  But then it spiraled out of control so fast.  I would have sex with my girlfriend one night, the next night I would masturbate without porn, then the night after that I would PMO up to three times.  I would stop for a few days and then my girlfriend would come over and the cycle would start all over.

I can't believe that it has been a year since my first relapse.  It feels like it was only a few months ago because I've been fighting with myself the whole time.  Asking myself why I feel the need to use porn, while also feeling sexually frustrated with my girlfriend. 

Now shit has really gotten real.  I've moved back to Canada from Korea for a year to do a master's program.  I am trying a long distance relationship with my girlfriend and it is really hard.  I miss her so much.  Along with feeling more in control of myself, I feel closer to my girlfriend when I don't fap.  But I'm afraid to reboot again.  I get so horny when I don't fap.  I know it's mostly porn cravings, but I'm really afraid that I might cheat on my girlfriend if I try to reboot.

I really need some help here, guys.  I want to be in control again, but I've also got needs.  Obviously, if I cheat on my girlfriend I will feel worse than if I just keep wanking.  What's the solution? 

Thanks

4
I was trying to delete my Instagram today but I couldn't figure out how.  It seems to only allow me to suspend my account. That definitely won't cut it because even just going in to try to delete it I found myself hunting down sexy pics.  I think I found out how to delete my account but I have to wait till I get home.  I'm really afraid I'm going to relapse again.  My brain kept telling me it's ok because I'm about to delete it and it would be the last time I would have the chance.  Arrrgh!  Wtf is wrong with me?

5
I don't think I really have anyone in my life that I can be open with that will actually be able to give me any support.  My girlfriend knows about my problem but I don't think she really understand addiction and I would feel ashamed to tell her when I relapse.  I think I'll try to post a journal entry on here every week.  I really left this community behind for a while and I think that was a mistake.

6
I am indeed an addict. 

I did my 90 day reboot.  Then I even went a few months more.  But then, as everyone said could happen, including myself, increasing use of porn subs to get a little kick of dopamine over a few months led to a complete relapse.  I didn't just MO, I PMOed.  I didn't just PMO, I PMOed 3 times in a weekend and twice in a day.  I figured, I'd already relapsed, I might as well get the most of it if I plan on stopping again.

I feel terrible.  Not because I let it happen, but because it makes me feel like I have absolutely no control over myself.  I've become so sensitive to sexual triggers that even the slightest appearance of cleavage on a beautiful girl on my facebook feed made me have to touch myself.  I went hundreds of days without PMO and I just felt more and more sensitive. 

It makes it really hard that my girlfriend lives so far away and I can only see her on weekends, meaning sometimes I can't have sex for 2 or more weeks.  But I don't think that excuses anything.

Procrastination and making myself believe that I was stronger than I am is what led to my relapse.  Why does my brain automatically seek sexual stimulation any time I want to avoid doing work??  The fact that it makes you feel like you can have the most beautiful, sexy woman perform your most desired fantasy made porn the most powerful drug for me.  How do I make real-life feel that way?  Or how do I cope with the fact that the illusions presented in porn are just not achievable in this life?

Now it's time to start all over from the beginning.  I'm going to try to close down my facebook for a while if possible.  Please wish me luck, everyone! :'(

7
If a heroin addict has stopped doing heroin for a while, is it ok for them to pick up the needle again?
Sure.  But then why stop in the first place?   

Porn addiction is an addiction like any other. 
Making the commitment to reboot means that you are ready to stop using porn to get high for the rest of your life.  Porn comes in many forms, but if it's pixels on a screen that you are masturbating to, I would call that porn.  It's going to be difficult.  In fact, I still catch myself chasing pictures on facebook like how back in my high school days I used to look for baggies in my room with possible remnants of coke to rub on my teeth, or how I would salvage tobacco from cigarette butts when I couldn't afford cigarettes.  Luckily I've since kicked both those habits and I know from those experiences that porn is absolutely the same thing.

It's time to start taking life seriously.  If you know you have a problem and you are ready to make a change, Mickey Mousing your way through it is never going to work.

8
Had some success today.  Managed to have sex, with a condom, and remained rather hard for most of it.  I tried not to really care or get emotional about the whole prospect of having sex and that seemed to help a lot.  I basically just didn't care whether we had sex or not and then without saying anything at all I just put on condom on as soon as I was hard enough.  This might sound bad, but I also didn't let it bother me so much that my girlfriend might be in a bit of pain (I am her first sexual partner).  Don't get me wrong though, I still made sure she was ok and happy to continue throughout the whole thing.  The difference this time was that when she said she was ok I didn't let myself think about it too much.  I believed her when she said she was ok, rather than second-guessing.

Still wasn't rock hard throughout, but I'm ok with that because at least there was improvement.  I don't think I'll ever like condoms but at least I know there is some fun that can be had with them.


9
No offence taken.  I understand what you meant now. 
Actually I have been using condoms for a long time now, so I think I have a pretty good understanding of how to put one on effectively and efficiently.  The problem for me lies in the fact that condoms are really gross, annoying, and basically a sex-killer in my opinion.  There's nothing sexy to me about putting a tight fitting rubber bag on my wang.  That's why I said I never really had much luck with them. 

That being said, I only ever started having sex after I had started masturbating to porn, so that probably had a lot to do with my feelings toward condoms as well.  After all, you barely ever see a condom being put on in porn.  And usually if I came across a video where condoms were obviously being worn, in my mind it would knock the overall quality of the porn down quite a few notches.  Thus, I likely conditioned myself to hate condoms when having sex.  However, I would sometimes wank with condoms on for whatever reason and would never have a problem in that case.... 

10
I'm not too sure privately edging, etc. with a condom is exactly a step in the right direction.  I am still in a reboot after all.  I guess it's just going to take more time.  Hopefully when I feel a little more comfortable with myself I won't have that nagging anxiety. 

11
So, my girlfriend and I have started having sex.  This is something that we took our time with a lot (at least in my experience) since she was a virgin and I was doing my reboot and so there wasn't much reason to get right into it.

Although my porn-induced erectile dysfunction (PIED) has become a lot better since I first discovered it (I can get rock hard even in the morning while fooling around with my girl) it seems like as soon as she decides she wants to have sex and I pull the condom out, my dick becomes flaccid within seconds.  It's like a turtle seeing an approaching predator.

Even if I can stay hard long enough to put it on, it definitely can't stay hard enough for anything to go in.  (like I said before, my gf is a virgin)

I'm getting so so so frustrated.  I feel like such a disappointment to my girlfriend.  She is just starting to get over her apprehension of having sex and I feel like I am ruining it for her.

I don't remember ever having any luck with condoms actually, except for maybe when I myself was also a virgin and had only been masturbating for a few years. 

So is it the condoms?  Is it the PIED?  Is it performance anxiety?  Am I flatlining?

I feel so emotionally fucked up over it.  I don't need to have sex, but there is so much lead up to it when I'm with my girlfriend that it's just something we both really want to do.  But then my dick decides it doesn't like condoms.  Will it ever pass?  I feel so helpless.  I don't want to make her go on the pill or anything.  And even if she did I think she's too cautious to go without a condom anyway.

On top of the emotional let down, I'm going broke going through condoms because basically I try to stick it in, it doesn't go in, I go soft, the condom is useless, we keep fooling around, I get hard again, new condom, and so on.

I'm guessing the answer you're going to tell me is that I should just stop trying to have sex for a while.  But what am I supposed to make of this?  I haven't felt particular up or down emotionally since starting the reboot.  This is the first time after almost 3 months where I actually felt super fucking upset with myself.  I don't know what to think and now whenever there is a chance of us having sex I get this weird apprehension and anxiety.

Thanks for any advice.

12
Porn Addiction / Re: Porn saturated world
« on: April 29, 2015, 11:53:24 PM »
I agree that I need to minimize my technology usage as much as possible but due to where I am in the world (facebook is the only contact I have with friends back home) and my job, it is pretty much impossible for me to give up everything, as nice as I think it would be.  I deleted my facebook app on my phone and now only use it when I am at a computer, however I already feel the withdrawl just from doing that.  Now when I am sitting on the toilet I have nothing to do.  Or when I'm sitting at a boring work dinner where I don't understand what anyone is saying, I just want to claw my eyes out out of boredom.  I end up looking at my photos or scrolling through messaging apps looking at other peoples photos (basically becoming the same thing as facebook but without so much novelty).

Also, I tried to figure out how to block images in my google chrome but all the instructions I could find were for very old versions.  Can anyone tell me how to do it with the current version of google chrome?

Anyway, I think as time goes by and I remain vigilant about noticing what is giving me dopamine hits, it is becoming a bit easier to look past the sexual images and the cute girls on my feed.  Perhaps I still need a period of complete isolation, but after that, is not better to retrain myself to leave such images alone on my own accord rather than to pretend the don't exist?  What kind of techniques can I use in order to do that?

13
How do I add multiple counters?  For example, I want one for how long it's been since I looked at P, one for P subs, one for O, etc.
I tried to do this but then it said I could only have a certain number of characters in my signature field for it to work properly, yet I see many people with multiple counters.

Thanks!  I must be missing something.

14
Porn Addiction / Porn saturated world
« on: April 27, 2015, 01:37:04 AM »
Hey so since I stopped PMOing, the biggest change has been that I am now realising how utterly saturated our society has become with images that objectify women. 
Not only this, but with every day that goes by it seems that cravings to look at porn subs get stronger and harder to control.  And every day it seems that there is one more part of my life I need to shut out in order to succeed. 
I live in South Korea and there is a popular online shopping site here.  I have been doing a lot of shopping lately since I just moved into a new apartment and needed some stuff.  But holy shit!  Every time I opened that site it was like water torture not to succumb to the pictures of beautiful women sporting their yoga pants, shorts skirts, leggings etc.  My brain kept telling me it wasn't porn and it would be ok to click and even search out more pictures by scrolling up and down the page.  When at one point I actually did find myself getting my dopamine hit from these pictures I snapped out of it and realised I had to reset my counter.  (Also I was really confused cause I still wanted to keep the days that I hadn't PMO'd but it wouldn't let me....)

What should I do at this point?  I feel like my brain is craving dopamine so much now that it is seeking out even the slightest manifestations of sexual novelty in order to score just a little hit of dopamine.  It was easy to cut out porn sites, but now I'm starting to catch myself clicking on girls on facebook. And even real women are causing this reaction in my brain now.

These kinds of things were normal before I quit porn.  I didn't think they were bad at all.  But now I'm aware of them, and that is coupled with my growing dopamine withdrawl. 

Any coping strategies beside quitting the internet altogether? 

Thanks all! 

15
Hey everyone.  More or less just want to let you guys in on how things are going.  I'm about 20 days in to my reboot and things are going relatively well.  Up until now I found it very easy to delete all my porn and feel optimistic about start on a new path.  I'm feeling pretty healthy, eating well, exercising a lot. 

However I haven't seen my girlfriend for a while and I won't see her until she comes here next weekend.  I'm starting to feel a bit clingy to her.  I'm not sure if it's real or in my head. I don't want to creep her out, but I feel like I'm really missing her.  Like it almost hurts how much I just want to hold her.  I think I might be starting the dreaded flatline. 

I was feeling so good before and I felt like I might never flatline.  But now that the original novelty has worn off it is finally setting in that I will never (if all goes to plan) use porn again.  This feels a bit scary.  And I'm also feeling a bit scared that I might relapse although this still seems unlikely.  When pretty girls go past me I realise that my addiction had also spread to real life as since the act of 'perving' (staring, admiring their figure and possibly also fantasizing) seems to be a very similar action to watching porn.  When I was stuck in traffic this weekend I would often catch myself 'perving' on cute girls and the same feelings would sweep over me as when I was watching porn.  I can't help but perk up and say something to the effect of "Hey there, sexy!"  It's a primal, uncontrollable feeling.  My conditioned brain was even trying to justify it.  But it can't be ok, can it?  I mean, I should be free from such urges shouldn't I?  Where do I draw the line between healthy attraction to the opposite sex and looking at women that I don't know as sexual objects?  I feel like healthy men know exactly where that line is.  But for me it's blurry.  So when I see attractive women, what should I do? 

As far as urges to PMO go, I haven't really given myself the options.  Although when looking through my vacation pictures there were some girls in the pictures that I caught myself zooming in for a closer look.  Then I would stop myself and delete the picture.  Sometimes I have thought about how nice it would be to just get a release and enjoy some porn like old times, but the thought doesn't last long.  I know that I would feel like shit if I did it.

Physically, I also feel a lot more tired, and my penis seems to be getting smaller.  Thoughts of being with my girlfriend, or any woman for that matter make me quite aroused.  But since I'm not sure if it's healthy to be fantasizing at this point I usually stop before I get too hard down there. 

Anyway, thanks again to the whole community here for all the help and support.  Please wish me luck as I seem to begin my downward decent into the flatline....

17
I really do not want to MO.  At this point I have little to no urges to do so.  The only thing that is a little hard for me right now is not fantasizing about my my girlfriend and other women that I see.

I am truly just a little worried about what my body is doing and if it is normal.  It seems a little ridiculous to me too that someone would need to have orgasms routinely in order to have a healthy reproductive system, but I'm no sex expert and this is all uncharted territory for me.

Thanks for your confirmation.  Any others have some information on this?

18
It seems like everyone takes drastically different amounts of time to recover.  The thing is, how does one know when they are recovered?  Is it just the fact of being able to get hard for a woman?  Because I can already do that, but I highly doubt that means that after 2 weeks that I have recovered from my porn addiction. 

Or is it that people are recovered when they finally emerge from their flatlines?

When I quit smoking 3 years ago, I just quit.  I don't think I ever fully recovered from my nicotine addiction, or that I ever will because although I don't want to smoke anymore, I still need to be careful to make sure I don't.  But this addiction seems a bit different because although I am abstaining from orgasms now, I plan on having them with my partner in the future.  So how will I know when it's ok to do that?  Of course I am planning on never watching porn again, and perhaps I may not even masturbate again.  But so far, those two things have been pretty easy to abstain from. 

Do you guys have any solid definitions for what it means to be recovered?

Thanks!

19
Hey everyone,

Starting into the third week of my reboot now.  No porn, no porn substitutes, and I barely ever even touch my penis.  I'm super optimistic although I'm still dreading the flatline.  My penis and my whole reproduction/hormonal system seems to already be going through drastic changes. 

My dick is definitely a lot smaller on average and there are some times that it feel like it might just disappear all together.  It's very scary but I'm assuming that is normal..  My attitude is still good though and I seem to have a lot of libido when I'm with my girlfriend.

Anyway, the last time I was with my girlfriend in bed I was super turned on and everything but we didn't have sex.  The next day my penis and testicles were super sore and felt like they were about to explode and yet that was when I couldn't get it up whatsoever.  That was when I realized I had PIED.  I started the reboot immediately after that although I jerked off that day because I had to take that pain in my balls away, which it did.  From what I've read it seems to be a good idea to keep yourself from having orgasms for a while during the recovery, even if it's with a real person.  Is there such a thing as blue balls or was it just a symptom of my porn addiction? 

Last night I was making out with my girlfriend and I was well-aroused.  In fact, not only was I hard but there was a lot of 'leakage'.  A little later during the drive home I kept getting these weird shooting sensations that felt like they were coming from my prostate and then all the way through to the end of my penis.  It wasn't really painful, but very uncomfortable and it felt as though my body was trying to force something out.  Sometimes I actually get this feeling just randomly at other times too, even when I haven't had any sexual stimulation. 

So this got me thinking, is it healthy not to be having orgasms at least once in a while?  I suppose it's possible lots of men, before porn and porn addiction, would go through long periods without having orgasms?  So is it just that my body is used to coming every single day?  Or is it actually unhealthy to be holding back?  I'm more than likely going to have some intimate time with my girlfriend in a couple weeks from now.  I really need to know the best way to go about that.  I want to try to not have an orgasm but I also don't want to have a lot of pain in my balls for days after.

Any thoughts?

20
Wow!  That was a lovely reply!  Thank you jkkk.

You helped me think a little more about the situation from her point of view which is very helpful to me as well.  I think that when we live in this porn-soaked age it's so easy to assume that the goal is to stick your dick in everything that moves. 

She is certainly very into me, and that's an understatement.  She cares about me.  As for me, I don't trust my own feelings anymore.  I have been so conditioned over the years that I feel like I can't be sure what true love is.  That being said, the more love she gives me, the more I feel like I really am in love with her.  I think that she deserves the best I can give her.  Although I am rebooting for myself first and foremost, being the best man I can be for her is the best benefit I can think of for doing it.

I was also thinking that it is fateful that I met a girl who is a virgin.  Because I feel like I can fall in love with her (if I haven't already) I think going slow is the best option.  But since I'm still learning about rebooting I'm still confused about how strict everything is or isn't.  What you described sounds good, and I'm looking forward to talking to her about taking it slow. 

But how much should I tell her about my problem, if at all?  Perhaps I should just tell her that since I'm her first boyfriend, as she put it, that her pace is my pace?  She calls all the shots? 
 

21
Hi friends!  I hope this is the right forum for this.  *Warning*  I’m really hoping you can offer some advice but I will need to go into some sexual details to properly explain the situation,  Also, this post is extremely long.  SORRY!

Reboot newbie, 4 days.  Background info on my particular situation:

I’m 28 yo and I live in South Korea as an English teacher.  I live in a very small town and I have been here for 2 years.  Since I moved here I haven't had any girlfriends and only had sex with a girl in Vietnam while on holiday about a year ago. 

My Korean is at a basic conversational level and I met a girl at my friend’s wedding about 3 months ago.  I got her number and we've been chatting (in Korean) ever since.  It wasn't until about a month ago that we started making the long journeys to see each other on the weekends.

I've had a pretty solid masturbation routine (once a day, with some binges here and there) for as long as I can remember, especially while I've been in Korea.  Although I knew it had a big effect on my libido, I always figured it was probably healthier to masturbate especially since I wasn't able to find any sexual partners in my small town. 

The realization came this weekend when my new girlfriend came to my apartment to spend the weekend with me.  I hadn’t jerked off for a couple days before because I wanted my sex drive to be at its peak.  She’s 30 yo and apparently also a virgin.  It's actually quite common for Korean girls to still be virgins at her age.  It's a different culture, entirely.  People live with their parents until they are married.  That's not just a family rule for many families, it's the cultural norm.  Needless to say, even though she seems to be in love with me and trusts me very much, she was very shy.  After dinner the first night, we started fooling around, mostly making out and grinding a bit with clothes on under the covers.  I remember being hard for this because I remember my underwear being a bit wet from leakage.  But after a long time of back and forth getting her to allow me to take off certain articles of clothing, we both became wiped out and fell asleep.  I remember feeling sore in the nether regions as though I had been holding back a lot of pressure, and perhaps also due to her grinding on my junk for a good part of the evening.

The next morning we started fooling around more for a few hours, then had lunch, then fooled around some more.  At this point she seemed to be ready for sex, in one form or another.  But my dick was absolutely TINY.  My past girlfriends had always been quite impressed with my size, and I really wanted to show this girl what I had to offer.  Turned out all I could offer was the smallest excuse for a dick I had ever seen.  I didn’t even recognize it.  Both of us were disappointed and we tried as many things as possible to get it up, while trying not to make her feel too uncomfortable (being new to this, she didn't know how to jerk me off, and certainly wasn't going to try oral).  I kind of tried to show her how, and even jerked myself a bit, which I know realize was a mistake.

I thought it was because I had been "blue-balled" the night before, and just needed to release some pressure.  I went to the bathroom a jerked a bit (but did not get hard) and semen just kind of spilled out (gross, I know).   I went back to bed with her and figured after 10 minutes it should be all good.  Nope.  More disappointment.

We left it at that.  She still really likes me.  Maybe even more so.  But I feel really embarrassed about it, and I told her that I want to show her my true potential later.

After I dropped her back off at the train station and got home, I immediately jerked off because my balls were so sore.  Probably the biggest load I’ve ever dropped and my nuts felt a lot better after.  I thought, “Well, now I ought to be back to my normal self the next time she comes over.”  But then I started thinking; “even though it took a little longer than usual to get hard than it usually does when I masturbate to porn, why was it so easy for me to get hard and blow a load on my own yet I couldn’t even get more than a baby-dick for someone that I find to be the sexiest woman I’ve ever been in bed with?  Could it be?  Do I have porn-induced ED?” 

So I started doing research which led me to yourbrainonporn.  After reading up, it seems I certainly fit the criteria of a porn addict, and I am likely suffering from porn-induced ED.  I even started remembering my last long relationship in Canada.  It finally made sense to me why I wasn’t interested in having sex with my last girlfriend.  I always thought it was because she had been a bit chubby or that I had just lost interest or that I was stressed at work.  Now it seems clear that I was most likely just addicted to PMO.  So, time to reboot.

I need to know what will be my best method for success so that I can be the best lover for this girl that I truly care about. 

MAIN QUESTIONS:
Obviously I will stop looking at porn and I will stop masturbating, hopefully forever.  It’s a step I have always wanted to take but could never fully justify before.  Now that I know I have a real problem I think it will be a lot easier for me to give it up.  I can probably give up orgasms as well since my girlfriend is a virgin and I’m sure she’ll be ok with taking it slow, for a while.  I also like the idea of Karezza. 

But I am scared to death about flatlining.  I only get to see my girlfriend once a week and I hate to think that I will have wasted that time having no libido.  However, I realize it is a normal part of the process.

So I guess I will need to tell her about the reboot process and my problem eventually.  The problem is, this culture is very different for western culture.  In fact, internet porn is illegal and the government blocks porn sites.  People need to use a VPN to access sites.  There is a huge prostitution industry here.  I think masturbation to internet porn might be a problem here as well, but it certainly isn’t talked about or known about to the same extent.  Also, she’s a virgin.  It took me 4 hours just to get her to take off her bra.  I’m worried that if I start talking about these things (things that would even freak out a girl of the same culture) it could scare her off, or at the very least taint our intimacy.  Because I can tell she really likes me, I feel that she could be supportive and understanding, but I’m not sure if it will also irreversibly gross her out even if she doesn’t show it.

So what, if anything should I tell her?  I mean, since we only see each other every week, and only some of those weeks will be opportunities to have private intimate time, should I even tell her anything?  Should I only tell her if/when I am flatlining when we are together?  If I’m not flatlining and she wants to have sex, should I tell her I want to take it easy?  Should I penetrate but not orgasm?  I understand that full disclosure is usually the best policy, but in my situation I’m wondering if perhaps it may not be necessary, or at least only partially.  Especially since I’m not too sure how to talk about it in Korean….not really something discussed in my language classes, obviously.

I’m still very early into my reboot but I feel very optimistic.  I haven’t had any urges to use porn yet really.  I was feeling a bit numb to most things sexual, but now my dick is starting to regain its spontaneity.  I’m not sure if it’s good or bad.  Even while I was writing this I noticed junior was coming alive a little. 

Is it bad to think about being intimate with my girlfriend when she’s not around in a way that turns me on?  Will it put me back if I have sexy chats with me girlfriend?  Does that count as fantasy?  Is it ok to fantasize (without jerking it) about my own girlfriend?

Can you offer any tips for how I should go about my reboot that will give me success while not completely abandoning intimacy with my girlfriend? 

Thank you so much for reading, and thank you for any help you can offer!

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