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Messages - Quercus

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Porn Addiction / Re: With no sex partner, what's my alternative?
« on: October 24, 2015, 06:09:21 PM »
Thanks, no surprises... I think I was just looking for support to reboot I guess.  It's been so long since I was here before, I don't remember if I've ever looked at the Recovery Nations workshop. 

I love my wife and am committed to her but my "needs" are what they are.  She doesn't like what's happened to her anymore than I do but it's obviously more of an immediate problem for me, one with no good solution as far as I can see. 

She didn't want to do HRT anymore so we're both trying DHEA to see if that helps.

Thanks again.

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Porn Addiction / With no sex partner, what's my alternative?
« on: October 21, 2015, 12:29:13 PM »
First of all, I found this while trying to find this website again:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/women-who-stray/201307/your-brain-porn-its-not-addictive

My wife hit menopause about 12 years ago and for 10 +/- years, NO sex... literally. I'm not talking about infrequent, I'm talking 3 times in 10 years.  2 of the 3 were pointless because she wasn't her previous sexual self.

She/we started HRT and have had the best sex of my life... briefly.  Then the hormones dwindled again.

So, if I have no partner at home and I'm not going outside of my marriage, what options do I have for stimulation besides porn?  Not many.  Over time, I've found that orgasms are next to impossible without visual stim... porn.  Even sex with wife when she's ready is still sometimes difficult for me to orgasm.  She's pretty easy since I know where her "sweet spot" is... works every time.   8)   However, even though I enjoy HER orgasms quite a bit, I'd like to restore my own.

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Holy crap, I can do the no porn but the  no masturbation is beyond me.  I've hung on for a while now but this is also IMHO a normal part of being human.  We've had hands and penises for a long time plus I think it's healthier for your prostate to have the O rather than not. 

As I described in my first post, my wife went menopausal 11 years ago which meant sexopausal, too.  Ok, not fun but I was committed to her and still am.  10 years sex 3 times but now we're doing HRT and things have changed dramatically.  Anyway, it was worth the wait and I have no performance problems so I think the "no masturbation" rule is not for everyone.  Hope I'm not missing something but perhaps one size doesn't fit all.  BTW, I'm 60 and she's a bit older than me.

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Ages 40 and up / Re: Maybe a little...?
« on: January 25, 2015, 03:31:20 PM »
Thanks for the replies.  For the record, I DIDN'T go to porn while thinking about that question.  I kinda knew the answer but my wife got a bit stimulated by the porn but she's never looked before (she's 66 y/o) I value her above all else and want our relationship to be perfect (pretty close already) so I thought maybe we could even share this stimulus (or, yes, I'd look separately) but I'm good with none. I like the thought of maxing our responses from just the stimulation from each other.  BTW, hate to brag but she looks like a 20 y/o naked.. seriously!  She'd be really pissed if she knew I said that!   ;D

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Ages 40 and up / Maybe a little...?
« on: January 23, 2015, 08:12:20 PM »
I haven't looked at porn for a few days but I was wondering, what if I just looked at some basic porn to get more excited before engaging with my wife?  Am I making excuses?  Yes, once we start, I get plenty excited anyway but this thought has crossed my mind and I've resisted thus far.  She never saw porn until recently and she got stimulated by it (something I left on her computer) but I don't think she's going to become hooked on it.

B

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Porn Addiction / Re: 60 y/o newbie
« on: January 19, 2015, 09:25:21 PM »
I feel VERY lucky to not have become wired on porn at a younger age, very lucky indeed!  I had no idea how dangerous it was - really - until this morning when I stumbled upon all this info.  Growing up, we always felt lucky to find an old Playboy thrown out or even a National Geographic with topless native women.  Seriously... things have changed quite a  bit and I completely understand the part about change happening faster than our bodies can adapt. I'm big into nutrient dense foods and garden myself to try to provide foods that are more complete like ones we evolved with rather than what many people eat. 

I understand addiction, I have a daughter who is dealing with it.  I, on the other hand feel confident in my ability to walk away cleanly.  I smoked a pack a day (back when cigs were 50 cents a pack!) for 10 years and just up and quit one day when I decided it was time.   Hopefully, I still have the same will power. 

Thanks and glad to be here and very glad to have found this information!  It all makes perfect sense but I had to see it to "get it."

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Porn Addiction / 60 y/o newbie
« on: January 19, 2015, 11:20:21 AM »
Had sex with my wife this morning and, once again, didn't orgasm although I enjoyed it immensely.  Came back to my private office (separate building behind our house) and did a search on the effects of porn on "normal" sex lives... and here I am! 

About 11 years ago, my wife was taken off the pill (she's a bit older than me) and WHAMMO... menopause and no more libido.  Overnight.  She was only on the pill to control her periods.  We've tried many things over the years - she's missed sex, too - but none of them worked.  Seriously, we had sex three times in 10 years... and I remember everyone of them.  I still love(d) her very much during all that time and would never leave her because I don't blame her, she wanted her sex life back, too.  As a result, I turned to internet porn.  Over the 10 years + it was a pretty regular thing, multiple times a week and had progressed into some dark areas.

We had spoken to our PCP and other doctors about the sex problem but nobody seemed to take it seriously.  My wife had HRT for a short time but didn't seem to help.  It's like, it's "normal" for these old people to just not have sex anymore so don't worry about it.  Then about three months our PCP got interested in hormone pellets and we both had them inserted into our butts.  HOLY CRAP I didn't feel much difference but my wife made a 180 degree turnaround!  I could barely keep up with her in the bedroom.  It wasn't until then that the effects of too much porn stimulation became apparent.  I literally enjoy her multiple orgasms enough to call it good but I recognized pretty early on that I had retrained my brain and wasn't functioning properly anymore.  This was confirmed by watching a couple of the videos, one from this website and one from TED.  I could masturbate with her or by myself but no orgasm through normal sex as before. 

Just this morning, after learning all this new info, I've deleted my porn sites and swore off porn! I'm so thankful to have found this information although I was kinda suspecting this was the case already.

Not sure what benefits there are for no masturbation but we'll see.  That's a practice that I've had somewhere in the neighborhood of 50 years so not sure about that one. 

Thanks!

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