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Messages - uolihp

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1
Ages 30-39 / Re: New and started yesterday (starting again)
« on: September 18, 2014, 05:45:48 AM »
Some update

I was doing find for some time, but then, I still don't understand how and why, I started again... and the problems I had are coming back: less social, a bit depressed, less efficient at work, sex not as good as before, etc

Maybe, it was because I had to take a semen analysis... I downloaded a couple of video on my phone because this analysis was kinda stressful and I was afraid I couldn't do it without porn... Before that, I was able to masturbate without but I thought it would be complicated in a medical environment.

Anyways, that's not an excuse so I decided to come back here and find some support in your posts.

My wife is 7 weeks pregnant now, I need to be supportive, I need to be excellent at work, I just cannot go on like that.

Thanks for your support

2
Ages 30-39 / Re: New and started yesterday (1 month now !)
« on: May 08, 2014, 12:54:42 PM »
Hi guys,

I've been away from my computer for almost 1 week and I've been SOOOOO good!

Some short holidays/long week-end with my wife and friends, partying and having fun day and night.
Sex was so great also. Even though I was a bit drunk (!), I had no problem at all to ejaculate with my wife. Before, with a small beer (and sometimes without any), I started having problems and couldn't end it which was a problem since my wife had enough before I did.

The good thing is that I see that my situation is truly improving and that porn was affecting my whole life in a very bad way.

The bad thing is that being back in front of a computer is still a torture... it's still so hard to avoid going back to the good old websites. It's was so easy with no computer access not even to think about it.

I know it's a long process but I really hope someday it will become easier...

3
Ages 30-39 / Re: My journal-determined!
« on: April 24, 2014, 11:29:24 AM »
Hi tattoo,
I hope you're still winning your fight. I understand how ridiculous it is when you want to watch porn again... it's so strong! I try to turn that: if it's so strong, it can't be any good and the road to freedom is still long.
You seem to be working hard on your thoughts, focusing on positive images it's good. It make my think about something I have to post in my topic because my wife is not making things easy on this side...

Anyway, I share your general depression and I try to fight it meeting people and going to parties (and drinking but not that much to be a new problem :p), it's not because we're 30 and married that we can't party!

4
Ages 30-39 / Re: My journal
« on: April 24, 2014, 11:19:07 AM »
Well, when I read your last post, you're week doesn't seem that miserable!

I see more positive and that you are making consistent progresses. I think feeling bad is part of the process, it should reinforce your will to stay clean.

You seem enthusiastic about the future and it's great to read you for some of us who are feeling terribly pessimistic about the whole process.

When you have this mindset, you can also help others!

5
Ages 30-39 / Re: New and started yesterday
« on: April 24, 2014, 10:58:58 AM »
I'm starting to notice that rebooting is a true thing and that it is on its way...

1. Sex with my wife is sometimes great sometimes "just okay" (we're trying to have a kid, so we're doing it every 2 days); before rebooting, I didn't noticed that because I didn't pay attention to how good was sex. I was focusing on being able to cum and sometimes I could because I had been watching to much porn during the day and edging too much.

2. I tried to see if I was able to masturbate (focusing only on thoughts about my wife, no porn images or videos at all)... soooo disappointing! I could barely get hard and didn't feel anything. So I drop it, it's not that important as long as I don't have problems with my wife anymore (I get hard in a minute with her). I just hope that when the rebooting process will be over I will be able to masturbate again without watching any porn of course!

3. I'm calling friends way more often! I have more interest in what people are up to.

4. More efficient at work. I don't have any internet filter at work and I knew the IT guy wasn't looking so I could watch NSFW site... not good for my productivity. It's quite of a problem because now I'm too efficient... so I decided to take a break and come here :)

5. I have days when I feel more alive

6. I still have many urges to go online, open a private window, and you know what's next. There is still a little devil's voice telling me "it won't be that bad just too watch this stuff again, just once, for old times sake, don't you want to see a pretty girl doing bad stuff (evil laugh)" I hope this guy will shut up at some point!! It's not everyday anymore so I guess it's positive. Hopefully, another guy in my head tells me to go online on this forum and to keep on the fight!

6
Ages 30-39 / Re: New and started yesterday
« on: April 17, 2014, 11:51:52 AM »
http://www.healthline.com/health-news/researchers-say-porn-addiction-not-real-022214

Scientists debates... so many people here show the opposite, and common sense too.

If you stop something that is really hard to stop and that you feel better afterwards, I say it's worth it, don't care if scientists don't want to call it "addiction"


7
Ages 30-39 / Re: Age 32 - the lifelong struggle
« on: April 17, 2014, 11:46:22 AM »
I'm sorry to read about your situation, it's hard that you already know you'll have ED because of what you've done, I can't imagine how that must feel... but at least, you know what causes your problem and how to beat it.
Don't be too hard on yourself, if you are committed to stop, it will happen eventually. If you feel bad about your family and about yourself it will not help you feel better in general. Think of yourself as someone with a purpose and a strong will, not as someone failing. You are fighting a strong enemy, you lost a battle but the war is not over!

I'm winning for the last 2 weeks but honestly, I don't feel so good, and very often I feel like losing would be better... it's hard not to fall again...

8
Ages 30-39 / Re: Age 32 - the lifelong struggle
« on: April 17, 2014, 07:53:08 AM »
Your addiction seems to be very strong, images might be a way to decrease but it will still be there as long as you don't cut it your good.
I don't see it like a way to solve your problem, you must stop completely even if you don't succeed right away, you might do 1 week without porn, then 10 days, then 2 weeks. Don't feel too bad about it, it's an addiction and we're humans, some people can stop for good, others take more time, the positive effects will be there at the end of line.
As for your girlfriend, it's not an easy decision to talk to her about it. She might become a strong support though... I still don't plane to tell my wife even if we share everything. I guess I don't what her to see me like a weak man with addiction, that's my problem, it have to deal with it. It depends of your relationship with her, you're the only one to know.

9
Ages 30-39 / Re: I can do this!
« on: April 17, 2014, 07:43:05 AM »
Shit happens, be strong!
Internet is tricky, pure internet cure might be effective as well but so hard these days.
I completely understand the urges and I do have them as well. When I do, I go to this forum, read stories and try to help even if I'm not that strong and new to this.

10
Ages 30-39 / Re: The time has come
« on: April 17, 2014, 07:39:12 AM »
Good Luck to you!
Try to see the positive long term effects, your wife will be glad at some point that you show more interest in her.
A short advise, try to take your time with your wife and have sex in a more "elaborate" way that you used to see in porn, caresses and hugs are more important than sex in itself to rewire with yourself and with her.

11
Ages 30-39 / Re: New and started yesterday
« on: April 17, 2014, 07:20:16 AM »
Hi everyone,
It's been 2 weeks now.
I really had some doubts at first but most of the stuff in the video is actually true. I'm in the phase when I don't feel so good and have less sexual desire. I definitely don't feel better now, maybe a little bit more sociable but not that much. Sex is not better for the moment...
I still have to resist not to watch porn any time I'm alone in front of a computer, and when I come to this forum it does really help to read some stories... it's really encouraging to see that I'm not alone.
I've read an article stating that what is written in this website is not true... hasn't change the way I see things. I'm not a religious person, no fundamentalist at all; I know porn is not "pure evil" but also know that the actresses are not enjoying what they're doing. I've read porn has helped some couples... maybe, but I still believe I can become a sort of strong addiction, don't care if it's more physical or psychological, it's here and as far as I can see, there are some long term benefits to quit.
I'm going camping for a weekend, I'm sure this will help.
I try reading... works but you might need a book you really like and it's not that easy to find!

Good luck to everyone

12
Ages 30-39 / Re: Addiction. Who knew?
« on: April 09, 2014, 02:51:27 PM »
I think your doing good... week 1 is already kinda hard for me but I'm sure talking to your wife about it must be a great help.

Your compromise of reading an erotic story is not that bad in my opinion... it's not the same visual addiction. Just be careful not to go online to watch porn again after this.

Excuse me for being curious, after 8 weeks, sex with your wife is enough or you masturbate thining about her (or other reallife women) ?

13
Ages 30-39 / Re: New and started yesterday
« on: April 09, 2014, 02:44:24 PM »
Today I really want to watch some porn again, I'm thinking about it every time I have a minute... Now I'm alone at home and it's really hard to resist. So I thought I should come here and write to pass some time and maybe tomorrow will be easier!

At some point I hope I will not think about watching porn at all, I'm not sure I can resist like that forever. After one week I don't see anything new in my behaviour but I guess it's normal I need more time. It's good to read your stories and to see I'm not alone after all.

Thanks for the support

14
Ages 30-39 / Re: I can do this!
« on: April 03, 2014, 07:38:18 PM »
How are you doing after these days ?
I hope you are still winning, don't lose your confidence

15
Ages 30-39 / Re: new guy to this. 9 days in.
« on: April 03, 2014, 07:33:26 PM »
I hesitated to be in this forum or the 20-29 one, since I'm 29...
I think I'm in the right place since most of you guys seem to be married or in relationships. I am too and I want to stop before porn affect my couple has it might have for you. I feel sad when I read your stories and I hope you'll all get better soon. I had periods when I was not watching any porn (without even restraining myself) and it was the best sex I had and the relation with my wife was at its best too. Maybe porn is not the only cause, but that's one that is in our brain and that we can control.

16
Ages 30-39 / Re: The Future Begins Today
« on: April 03, 2014, 07:27:39 PM »
I think porn is like cigarets or alcohol... if you're a strong addict, you can only stop for good. I stopped smoking 3 years ago, if I smoke today, there is a real possibility that I will fall again, don't want to risk that. I agree with the mindset that porn is not an option anymore... Unless you can control your use but I don't know if it's possible with porn...

17
Ages 30-39 / Re: Day 1......again
« on: April 03, 2014, 07:22:12 PM »
I started yesterday, it's the official first time for me. I stopped in the past but for me, it was only breaks, never for good. This time, if for good. I hope you'll succeed this time

18
Ages 30-39 / Re: It's about time
« on: April 03, 2014, 07:19:23 PM »
I'm new to this forum and I don't know what advise I could give you right now.
I just want to give you my support and encouragements... be strong

19
Ages 30-39 / Update: Restarting to whole process
« on: April 03, 2014, 07:12:06 PM »
Hi everyone,

I watch this website videos on youtube and it's been some kind of revelation...
(FYI, english is not my native language and it's not easy to write about this since it's the very first time I write or talk about it.)

I'm almost 30, married for 3 years and living together for 6 years. Things are going quite well, my wife is beautiful and we are planning to have kids soon (we been trying for the last 6 months).
I've been using porn for years and my addiction evolved with internet evolution and the connection speed of the place I was living at the time (I'm traveling a lot... discovering new stuff, might have something to do with dopamine...)
For almost a year, I have a good internet connection again and my addiction has come back and started to impact negatively on me and on my relation.
I learned on this site that I was doing something called edging (masturbating to porn without orgasm) and that this was bad. We have sex about every 2 days with my wife, it has decreased a bit since we decided to have a baby when we've seen that this was better to "hold" for 1 or to 2 days to increase sperm quality (that's why I'm edging... call me stupid). Before that, it was more often so I didn't have to complain. And now, once every 2 days, I still don't have to complain!

So yesterday after watching the videos, I decided to delete all porn I had on my computer... a major step for me and I am resolute to stop going online for porn... I presuming it's going to be hard and that's why I thought this forum could help me.

I stopped because I don't want to be addicted to anything (I completely stop smoking 3 years ago and stopped smoking pot 5 years ago). I don't want to be hold back and I want to realize my full human potential in my life. This article describe pretty well how I see my 30s http://markmanson.net/10-life-lessons-excel-30s
I don't have ED problems at all, sometimes it just a bit hard to orgasm with my wife... it takes sometimes and she might get bored which is not good. And pleasure is not what it used to be a couple of months ago.

The videos also made me wonder if I was not "less in love" with my wife. I'm still in love but maybe my feeling are blurred and I can't tolerate this. I will stop using porn but I will definitely not stop having sex with my wife, she doesn't know about my problem.

I hope this forum will help me end for good. I will tell you how I'm doing with this and I'll try to help others if I can...

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