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Messages - savingmysoul

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1
Partners of Rebooters and Addicts / Re: Technology and Secrets
« on: December 31, 2017, 10:31:59 PM »
Unfortunately,

I would say trust your gut and intuition.

You are probably right.


2
Ages 40 and up / Re: THREE YEARS PORN-FREE!
« on: December 31, 2017, 10:18:34 PM »
Hello Lyon!!

grats on your success - i am 4 years porn free this day!

continue to do your good work, success is out there for us all!!

happy new year my old frienc

3
Ages 40 and up / Re: really fed up
« on: December 31, 2017, 10:15:52 PM »
yes, you need to educate yourself on Porn Induced ED - it is real, it does exist - but it can be reversed, it does take time.  I am now 49 and i had similar issues, and it truly took close to a year - no porn, no masturbation, nothing.  I always had the question of is it the PIED or is it my age???  I am hear to tell you that the PIED is the major factor - yes my age contributed.

Lots of good info and stories in other sections of this website.

find your strength my friend, find it and wrap your arms around it and never let go.

You can do this.

4
Ages 40 and up / Re: Day three, and I can think of only one thing
« on: December 31, 2017, 10:11:19 PM »
My Brother - great story, and congrats on your success.  Believe me it does get easier, there is peace.  I am so glad to hear you and your wife are working through this together, and that your anxiety is behind you.  I to have traveled this path, also working through issues - but you have shown us that you can get through by believing in yourself.

Grats to you all!

5
Ages 40 and up / Re: SMS -
« on: December 31, 2017, 10:08:11 PM »
Hello to all my brothers - old and new.

Today is my 4 year anniversary of being free from porn, from masturbation, all that crap.

4 years.

I could not have been successful without this site, without the men and women here offering advice, sharing stories and encouragement.  It is not an easy path to walk, once you have may the choice to take that walk.  The moderators here were very helpful - use them, listen to what they have to say.  Learn from them.

What i really want to share tonight is that I want everyone to know that this is something that can be overcome - no matter your story, your history, the things you have done - there is a better place out there, there is peace, and we all can get there.  I remember my one of the biggest issues my wife and I needed to deal with was the inordinate amount of information out there that seemed to stack the odds against success.

I am posting here tonight - again - to let others know that they too can be successful, they can conquer this. 

It can be a deep pit, but not bottomless.

I offer to all of us that we all have the strength, we all have the ability to beat this addiction.

To the moderators, those I have walked with, Happy New Year - and good luck, good bless.

SMS


6
Ages 40 and up / Re: Day three, and I can think of only one thing
« on: October 31, 2016, 11:47:50 AM »
You guys are doing well -

I would suggest you move your office to another place in the home, at least while you are working.  Try an open space in the home, something that is not 'secluded'.  Getting out of that room will help, it did me - also, being out in a more open area can help to make you feel like your not alone.

Just my two cents -

stay strong, keep finding your strength - you can beat this.

7
Ages 40 and up / Re: SMS -
« on: June 17, 2016, 11:32:05 AM »
Congrats to you as well!
400+ days is fantastic.

I am glad you were able to find your strength.  I am also happy that my journal was a source for you to draw upon.

When i first came to this site, there were other journals that I too looked through, read through, and was able to talk with others during the early stages of my reboot/recovery.  They did make all the difference in the world to me and to my success.  I am glad that I was able to help - but remember you did the heavy lifting and you are the reason you were successful.  You are the reason you are 400+ days.

hopefully together we can provide that type of support for others as they navigate and fight their way through those first few months.  We can all walk that path together, we can be better men, husbands, and best friends.

Stay strong my brother,

SMS

8
Ages 40 and up / Re: SMS -
« on: June 13, 2016, 11:54:49 AM »
Greeting my brothers -

Just wanted to say hello to all who are on this journey with me.  I saw i had a message in my email, so i stopped in to catch up a bit.

The nice thing about this site is that there is no judging anyone - we are all here for our own reasons, we all got here on different paths - but we all share the same destination  - to be free of PMO.

Together we help each other, we support each other, we pick each other up after falling - none get left behind. 

You are here to get well - we all are.

You are here because this forum is a tool (and a blessing) to help us succeed.

But as we support one another - it is our individual strengths that we need to find and harness to keep walking that path - as it is that strength to help others.

Be strong my brothers.  Be at peace.

Much Love,

SMS

9
Ages 40 and up / Re: SMS -
« on: May 17, 2016, 03:39:26 PM »
Hello My Brothers -

Hope all is well with you, hope everyone is still going strong, harnessing your strength we all know is there.

This can be beaten, it can be overcome.  I know there are a lot of struggles and trials - but once you start to believe in yourself, a new life style takes roots and grows stronger everyday. 

keep walking with me,

SMS

10
Ages 40 and up / Re: Back
« on: February 25, 2016, 02:38:27 PM »
need day one before you can have day two.

pick yourself up, dust yourself off - one day at a time.

Find some hobbies that clear this crap out of your life, have a plan on how to protect yourself should you be presented with a trigger.  Its not if there is a trigger it is when.  You need to be prepared.  Learn from each experience, build and move forward.

You had a great streak once, you can do it again.  You did come back.

Great first step. You have the strength inside you, you only need to find it.

Join me in this journey, walk with me. walk with all of us and find peace.

11
Ages 40 and up / Re: SMS -
« on: February 25, 2016, 02:34:59 PM »
Hello all,

Just wanted to drop by and say hello to all.

Hoping that everyone is finding their inner strength, getting stronger every day.

Remember, its not how many times you get knocked down - its how many times you get back up. 

This can be beaten, this can be tamed.  Over two years and I feel fantastic, I feel almost new. There is a better world and it is for ALL of us.

I am faced with the task of talking to my 15 year old son about porn, what it can do.  Not an easy subject.  Especially as I try to related this in a way without incriminating myself.  But I know I just cannot let this go and not do anything.  I plan to show him the your brain on porn video as a starter - see where we go from there.

Anyone have any tips or suggestions?

Hang tough my brothers!!  Peace for all of us.

12
Ages 40 and up / Re: SMS -
« on: December 16, 2015, 04:27:08 PM »
Hello My Brothers

stopping in to say hello - and to continue to offer encouragement and support - I am coming up on 2 years free from PMO and I cannot even begin to tell everyone how great it feels not to be ruled by all that junk.  WE all have the power to free ourselves - we all can live lives as we were meant to.  I know its not easy, but please if you are continuing to struggle, don't ever give up.

Like they say, its not how many times you get knocked down - its how many times you get up.

Happy holidays to you all, stay strong, find that strength - enjoy the inner peace.

SMS

13
Ages 40 and up / Re: SMS -
« on: October 16, 2015, 12:30:53 PM »
My Brothers -

Just stopped by to say hello, and to say that I am still in a great place. 

Life is amazing, no hiding, no lying.  It has taken some time and some struggles, but at around 1.75 years of P & M free the ED seems to be a worry of the past.

My wife and I continue to grow closer.   Thats not to say that she doesn't live with my betrayal every day - she does - probably more than I will ever know.  But every day is one day farther away from all that.  As I continue to grow stronger, I am able to support her better - be strong for her when she needs me to.  Like she was for me and for our marriage on D-Day.  She has saved my life, she has found away to fight through and keep working to save us.  And now I am able to give back as well.

I love her.  So much.

Walk with me my brothers, success is out there for all of us.  Every single one of us who has fallen victim can be saved, can live beyond.  We all have what we need to beat this.

I am winning - we all can too.

stay strong!

14
Ages 40 and up / Re: Porn and ED and Disturbing stuff
« on: August 13, 2015, 03:15:27 PM »
you haven't failed - youre still trying.

and that is important.

you can do this.

15
Ages 40 and up / Re: New to the forum - 20 days into reboot
« on: August 13, 2015, 03:09:54 PM »
I would have to agree with Sodonewithit - a strong erection while pmo'ing and nothing when with someone, that is PIED.

You really should think about dropping the porn and the masturbation for several months.  Let your brain rest, it needs to relax. 

Yes you are more than likely feeling some withdrawl symptoms - that in a way is good - the process has started.  some days will suck.

I am 19 months along, a PIED sufferer and I have seen some improvement.  I am nowhere near perfect, not yet.

Stay strong my brother - you can free  yourself, you have the strength.

16
Hey Gambit -

I would tend to agree that one should pace oneself during the healing/rebooting.

I have been healing/rebooting for about 19 months - no porn and no masterbation.  Married. 

It was a tough road, but generally if my wife and I are together more than once every week, the second (maybe third) time I am not as hard, or need a little coaxing. 

But everyone is different - I am 46 - so I am not sure what is because of the damage I did or my age.

I would recommend that maybe to start you are with your SO for a period of time, and NOT orgasm - kinda the keraza route.  See where that takes you.

Each of us is different, and really - only one way to find out.  In the end, you are rewiring with a real person, which will help.

17
Ages 40 and up / Re: My Journey
« on: August 12, 2015, 01:58:01 PM »
Hello my friend,

Whatever tool/plan you decide to put into play - use it.  Know how you will deal with the situation before you are faced with it.  I know you have the power and the strength to find your way through this.  I cannot stress enough how important it is to know how you will deal with urges and triggers before you are knee deep in them.

Don't ever give up, silly cliche, but i love this one - Its not how many times you get knocked down - it's how many times you get back up.

so true - we are all with you, channel that anger.

keep walking with me.

18
Ages 40 and up / Re: Patrick's Journal: A gay guy's imperfect reboot
« on: August 12, 2015, 01:49:41 PM »
Hang in there Patrick - you can do this.  YOU have the strength inside you, find it, grab it - and you can experience the freedom.  It is wonderful, the journey is so worth it.

Walk with me.

SMS

19
46 years old,
PIED  sufferer - just started another thread similar to this, then found this one.

I am 19 months from porn and masturbation - and still not healed, yet.  I had PIED pretty bad for about the first year or so, then it seemed to lessen up.  Becoming an issue less of the time.  It still rears its ugly head from time to time today however.  I also find that I am not getting 100% hard, hard enough to be with my wife, but not rock hard.  The last week or so I have noticed that I am feeling more sexual, certainly more than I was feeling in the weeks prior.

I feel like I am healing still, having a bit of a way to go yet.  Of course I wonder how much is still healing or the fact that I am 46.  Highs and lows - but certainly better than what I was.

20
19 months with no masturbation - I have no urge, no desire.
Personally, I would not.  But for me masturbation is now forever linked with porn.  For right or for wrong.
To M today, could lead to P tomorrow - I have worked to hard to get away from all that.
But that is me - no judging, just offering up my view.

21
Hello,

I thought I would start a new thread to talk about where I am/how I am doing with the reboot and recovery of my porn addiction.

I am 19 months plus removed from porn and masturbation (and it feels fantastic!).  I am married (my journal is over there in the 40's section) to a wonderful wonderful woman.  Throughout this process after her d-day we have struggled for the most part with my PIED.  Over the past 5-7 months say, I have been able to respond and we are able to be together - say once or twice a week.  But every so often, things don't work out at first and my wife and I try to deal with it the best we can, and sometimes we may eventually get there.

This last month or so, I have responded fairly well, but have not been fully hard - certainly hard enough to be with my wife, but just not all the way.

Here is what I have been experiencing lately:

The past several weeks I have felt more sexual than I have felt in the weeks prior - not sure if that is coming out of a flatline, increasing confidence, or simply the continuation of physical changes as my body and brain continue to heal/reboot/wake up.  I am at a point where I don't know how to determine if the quality of my responses is simply me continuing to heal or simply that I am 46 years old.  One of the issues is that when my wife and I would be together before she had her dday, we would be together and I would get hard, but not fully hard.  That unfortunately drives her back to where I was, what I was doing - and she starts to question whether I am doing it again.  I understand that - I am an addict and I lied about it, its going to take longer than 19 months to rebuild that trust.  That being said, I am wondering if over the 19 months, if I am getting 'back' to where I was before, have I truly turned a corner, and and still recovering/healing?  Guess I will have to let you know in a few months on that one.

So, I thought I would drop this thread here and see if anyone else is experiencing anything similar.

Again, I am in my 20th month - I still see the negative affects of what I have been doing to my body - both from a physical stance and certainly from a mental stance.  But I also see improvements from where I was to where I am.  And I have hope for where I want to go.

Anyone have any thoughts?

thanks,

22
Ages 40 and up / Re: SMS -
« on: August 12, 2015, 10:22:25 AM »
Just wanted to say hello to all my brothers here -

Still, PMO free.  Starting to feel silly saying that, because after all this time the connection to that world, that life seems soooo far away/non existant.  Still, I am smart enough to know,,,

But, again, it is possible to break this addiction, it is possible to be free - and believe me I cannot even begin to tell you how wonderful it feels. 

I love my wife, she is incredible - she has saved my life, forever greatful!

Stand strong my brothers/sisters - freedom is there for all of us.

23
Ages 40 and up / Re: SMS -
« on: July 24, 2015, 02:05:03 PM »
570 days - still cruising right along.

this addiction can be tamed, dealt with, and beaten!

you all have the power and the strength to stay away and live better lives.  For the past 570 days I have been able to free myself from this curse.  Life is amazing. 

Please my brothers, walk with me.

peace and love for all of you

24
Ages 40 and up / Re: I don't have a problem
« on: June 03, 2015, 03:22:42 PM »
Welcome to the nation brother -

This is a journey, you are not alone - and this can be beaten, this can be overcome.

Find your strength, grab hold of it and never let it go.

SMS

25
Ages 40 and up / Re: SMS -
« on: May 18, 2015, 12:38:14 PM »
hello my brothers -

just checking in today, still strong and committed to a P & M free life - and i am truly loving every minute of it not having that draw or lure corrupting my life.  Nothing to hide, nothing to lie about.  On that front things are great.

Dealing with what I did to my wife, what I did to her is, well, I cannot fully wrap my arms around it - I will never know the pain, the damage, or the dark place to which I have condemned her soul.  Even as I approach 17 months completely free from P & M, there are still dark dark days when my wife relives what I have done.  At the end of the day I can only do what I can do, and there are times when it isn't close to being enough to rescue her from her savaged thoughts.  After all this time - her would still bleeds, fresh.  There is very little I can do to keep her safe - which is what I should have been doing all along.

I made those choices to choose porn before her, and I lied about it.  I have do this to her, and in her daily struggles, some days, some events - her defenses succumb and she crumbles.

I would simply like to suggest that if there are those of you who have been fortunated enough to find this site and are embracing its power - those of you who and trying to rid yourselves of this curse - and if you are lucky to have a SO in your life - and they do not yet know - please please please perhaps think of them.  If you need only one more small nudge to keep you away to make it one more day please think of your SO. 

There is a P & M free life out there for all of us - trust me, its there.  And it is wonderful.

Stay strong my brothers - this can be beaten.

SMS

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