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Messages - tryinghard46

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17 days now and the urge still exists but no PMO.  More now that it has in the first two weeks.  That's why I'm here now.  Trying to stay busy late at night.  I just keep thinking it's only my brain and I don't need it.  That usually helps but other times I just think of how my life will be if I continue and that looks horrible to me.  I want to have a relationship that I don't have to make excuses why I can't have sex.  I'm just trying to avoid the embarrassment of no O or turning into a noodle.  Can my dream ever come true.  I'm staying strong so far.  I just have to remember - porn is not an option!  Thanks for the support.

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Thanks for your words of encouragement guys.  I'm still PMO free after 9 days.  This is my first real attempt in life to give this up.  I expect it to get worse but for now I'm doing good.  I have my daughter around a lot and that makes me in no way bored or horny so that helps me a lot.  I'm trying to hang out with her more and be a better dad.  Today I had no energy - felt half dead most of the day.  I'm not sure if that's related but if it is I hope not many more days like this are in store for me.

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Thanks for the words of encouragement guys.  I have thought about porn a few times since my last post but I haven't been pushed over the edge.  I'm still holding on to my goal of being PMO free for life.  These first 90 days I know will be the hardest but I'm coming here and reading every time I get the urge and it seems to help.

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Thanks - I have results and It looks as though I will not have to do it again.

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Ages 40 and up / Re: The journey
« on: December 19, 2014, 09:55:14 PM »
Good for you feetfirst!  I have some of the same issues with this addiction that you described so I feel where you're at.  Does the counselor help?  I've been thinking of doing that too but haven't taken that step yet.  Keep at it - don't give up!

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Ages 40 and up / Re: Journey to Neverfap
« on: December 19, 2014, 09:31:17 PM »
Stick with it ianmac.  Mind over matter right?  When you get urges just think about your goals and your religion.  I have faith in you.

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Thanks Ite.  I need an opinion on something.  I had a vasectomy a year ago and the doctor wanted me to give another specimen yesterday.  I tried MO but didn't happen.  Then I added a pic of my GF naked and that almost took me to were I needed to be but not quite.  Some porn images popped into my mind and I O'd.  I'm not sure if I should reset.  I think I should but I didn't need to O for myself just for the test.  Am I just rationalizing?  What do you think?

Today was a good day.  I thought about porn a couple of times but quickly changed my thoughts and no PMO MO or any O :) 

It's very different to not do something I've done for over 30 years - especially something that makes me feel good.  Even though today was ok, I don't know how I'm going to react on the hard days yet.  I will do everything I can to stay on the path. 

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This is my first post and I will try to make it short.

I started porn at 11 with my friends dads playboy collection.  I didn't start MO/PMO till 17 and as soon as I did it started this life long addiction.  I never realized it was causing problems in my life...I suspected it but then quickly dismissed it through rationalization.  I've never had problems with getting erections (maybe problems with getting them too often in fact) but finishing (O)slowly became harder and harder to do over time.  I upgraded my porn addiction from pictures to movies about 3 years ago and stopped having sex with my wife completely about 4 years ago when my little girl was born.  I don't feel that the sex stopped completely because of my porn addiction but it was a big factor.  We are now going through a divorce (its been 1 year so far and still have not got the final court date).  I have since met someone else and just traveled to see her.  A beautiful woman I met online in a different country.  I quit PMO 3 days before I left to meet her and we had sex the second night I was there.  Not only was I not able to O but I had problems staying hard.  The next night was the same thing and the night after that.  I spend 10 days there and never got an O.  Got back home and realized that I have a problem - ITS REAL!  No rationalizing anymore.  As soon as I had time I went online and PMO'd and then again the next night (last night).  I started some research and decided it's the porn that's causing these life long problems so I've decided to quit porn all together.  I came across this site and some others and started reading.  I see I'm not the only one with these problems - The stories I'm reading are very inspiring and I'm ready to start my journey.  Day one is almost done and I'm ok.  Day two here I come...

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I've read through you're 2 months of recovery and I'm excited to hear if you're at day 60 and all's still good?  I just started recovery today. I'm 46 and started porn around 11, I'm not sure if I can do it or not.

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