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Messages - Johnny Trailer

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I came here because certain websites suggested anyone who's been struggling with giving up porn, should watch the Becoming A Man Of Action series by Universal Man. I watched the first 3 parts and am simply following the instructions given in that series. My posts here will be a continuation of those instructions.
are you using this journal like its suggested in metascript?

Porn Addiction / Re: How to break pornography addiction
« on: October 14, 2019, 12:54:06 PM »
Hey guys. I have been addicted for almost three years now and I really want to quit, for personal and religious reasons. I've searched up help on YouTube, but most aren't really too helpful, so if you guys have any strategies you used or anything you that would be effective, please share them!

yup, back to youtube. Search for "sexual self mastery series" by universal man on youtube. There is a playlist.

Yesmate it did backfire on me. I said to a woman that you are making me feel uncomfortable and I can no longer talk to you and she complained to my boss.
almost impossible outcome but it happens sometimes. its not about being no longer able to talk to her, just not able to flirt with her...

what you mean by "woman seducing you" though? how did she seduced you?

Whats the problem though, you are already in a relationship? Then say so. "Im sorry but Im not interested because Im already in a loving relationship"

If you dont like the girl you can just say "Hey Im sorry this is not comfortable with me because Im not interested."

If you are homosexual you can say "Im sorry Im gay Im not interested in girls/women like that. Nothing personal, you seem like a nice girl/woman"

If you like the girl but you are not ready yet "Hey I like you but can we go on a date sometime later or something like that. I really want to get to know you a bit first (with a little smile)"

None of this is rude. This is strange question on this forum. You have problem with a girls seducing you. If I had to bet, I would say you are good looking homosexual  :D

Porn Addiction / Re: Got triggered but my body just O'd on its own?
« on: October 11, 2019, 10:54:28 AM »
I heard of this before but I bet 1000x more people had it without me hearing about it. Its rare to hear something like this but a lot of people dont even post it or post it somewhere where you dont see it. You are never special in porn addiction or in life. Whatever happens to you, already happened or is happening to someone else. Whether you have no legs, no arms, 2 heads, you are never alone. I heard of Oing without hands and I had close encounter with it (almost Oed with no hands) but I was watching some triggering stuff though. I heard of people Oing just walking down the street. Hey, my close friend Oed on job while talking to his boss and he was never addicted to porn ;D

The fact that you had sexual thoughts and looked at some triggering material makes this a question of relapse or not... But if you just treated it like a thought while meditating, then no, definitely dont reset your counter. If you was intentionally looking at porn material to arouse yourself without touching, then this would be a relapse for sure.

Ages 20-29 / Re: Shemale Addiction
« on: October 10, 2019, 09:11:09 AM »
I'm starting to realize that with porn and with many other addictions it seems to be all or nothing
"hey Ill just have ONE cigarette!"
then might aswell have another one and we know its all over by then

but the comparaison to the family I made was honestly how I feel about this
jerking off has been there my whole life, it helped me cope with things and it was something that was part of me, something that I couldnt live without and its scary for me just to say ill never jerk off again.
Escapism is not coping. Or is it? Either way its not good. When you look where it got you, did it helped out or made things worse?

whats the hard part if for me is not being able to find someone to have sex with so no jerking means i just dont get sex at all for idk how long
There is sexual self mastery series by universal man on Youtube. You can find that playlist and go through it. Its a long series but its fun if you are porn addict.

Married men still have porn cravings. Relationships, exclusive or non exclusive are not shortcut to overcoming cravings for fap/porn. People breaking and hooking up daily but you dont believe you can be in a relationship. If you dont believe that, then its easy not to believe about cravings in relationships and use it as an excuse to relapse during difficult times. "Oh Im single I must jerk off, Im not in a relationship like these guys, they got it easier than me. I will quit when I find a GF. Ooops, thats not happening. So, back to porn, Perfect loop!" says the brain. 

dont look at females below their necks, keep your head high around women. look at the color of their eyes. wonder about if she have a family or what she likes to do, what are her ambitions and motivations, what kind of person she is. what she cares about?

well, you cant think normal after 2 weeks of nofap. you may look at her head only and see those lips and boom... you may think about her family and think about her husband banging her. what she cares about? she cares about that D. you cant think normal if your brain is physically different from normal brain. abnormal brain = abnormal thinking. porn related mindset is a symptom of porn addiction. you are sensitized to porn and desensitized to everything else so you will think like that and feel it like that.

Ages 20-29 / Re: Question - Anyone experience insomnia?
« on: October 09, 2019, 06:47:13 PM »
So I would say I've seen a huge improvement over what I used to do.  The only thing is I started waking up in the middle of the night for the past two weeks and have been experiencing shortness of breath over the same time frame.
trying nofap i also reduced my fapping by 5-10x. its not my goal to reduce it but just by trying to quit im automatically fapping less. still, my condition is getting worse and worse. my panic attacks are getting stronger, insomnia, brain fog, low energy, cravings etc (over the years). no improvements. i think you maybe tricked yourself into believing that you are improving because of how much you used to fap compared to now, but its slowly getting to the point of showing up as more physical consequences and its a wake up call that its actually getting worse. as long as you are addicted to something you will experience more and more consequences of that addiction over the long term period.

Ages 20-29 / Re: 45days hit mark.
« on: October 09, 2019, 06:25:04 PM »
i relapsed on day 3rd. i know exactly what trigged it. i was too happy and ended up watching porn. felt pretty shitty after that.
happiness triggers you? i read success stories, recovered porn addicts seems to be happy. reboot may not be for you  :D on a serious note, next time try feeling shitty earlier. not really serious again  :D

i feel much better today, i will be going to bali for 2 weeks for the holiday, doing PMO there will be really hard but i will manage.
im sure you will, i believe in you  :D

try going on nofap. masturbation is the bridge connecting you to your porn addiction. burn the bridge and you will be moving more steadily forward to where you wanna go instead of going a step back from time to time.

Came back home and masturbated a few times, and decided to stop again due to feeling that it kind of brings me back to a porn-related mind set.
good observation. MO will always bring you back to PMO symptoms and eventually cravings for PMO will come. you cant ever again MO without consequences and a risk of full blown PMO relapse.

how long is your current streak of nofap?

Ages 20-29 / Re: Shemale Addiction
« on: October 09, 2019, 06:04:40 PM »
I'm not a T-800 man, I have needs and I dont think I can sustain the willpower to have no sex the rest of my life
neither am i, its just a picture. btw who said you need to sustain willpower to have no sex for the rest of your life? lots of recovered porn addicts have sex on regular basis :o :o :o even during reboot you can have occasional sex to check out how you feel during sex and afterwards...

Its true that I had no pied and still jerked off for months a few months ago and everything was fine but I somehow fell down from this back into porn
seems to always happen.

man I just cant handle the fact that Im not gunna jerk off ever again, its like if you would say you're gunna leave your whole family and never get to see them again
is this a serious comparison. you are comparing jerking off with spending time with family8)

you need to switch off all devices, take a walk in nature or park and think about what you are thinking. lay down positives and negatives of jerking off. im sure you cant come up with any positive if you think deeply about what jerking off gives YOU long term. dont go for seconds, look at your life and overall happiness. thats deep thinking. actually you can come up with something positive in the long run about jerking off. for example you could say ,,if i went outside for a walk or exercise every day i jerked off, i would have more chance to get hit by a car and die. so thats positive, less chance of getting hit by a car,, at least this is how i must think if i wanna come up with long term benefit of jerking off in my room.

you cant quit if you think like this. you cant leave your family (if you love them). you are addicted to shemales so brain changes took place but you can always get a grip. its still primitive part of the brain taking over, you always have your rational side to play from and eventually win but you must use it.

Ages 20-29 / Re: Shemale Addiction
« on: October 06, 2019, 02:07:09 PM »
you gonna jerk off after 100 days of no pmo as a reward? you gonna reward yourself with chaser effect, porn cravings and other withdrawal symptoms?

i dont know about people who recovered from PIED or some weird porn shit they are not naturally in align with, who still jerk off... not happening. this is not a bad habit to have a cheat day. its an addiction. no cheat days when you are addicted to something.

private message me if you really do MO after 100 days of reboot. that would be sick.

forget about 100 days i did MO after 8 months of being MO and PMO free. that was 4 years ago......................... i was thinking like you, single MO session wont kill me. it didnt kill me but i relapsed soon after and i had many suicidal thoughts since then... but i had to go through it to grasp it (that MO is never again an option for me). maybe you have to go the same path. im PIED case.

exercise promotes more dopamine and endorphins so you will feel better, be stronger, healthier and have more energy. cardio training is maybe more important than weights. picking objects up and putting them down does not promote fitness and cardiovascular health as a good run, ride, swim, punching heavybag, burpees, running stairs, brisk walk, hiking etc. remember to warm up before, cool down and stretch after anything you do.

as far as cravings, you will have to deal with them sooner or later. its matter of changing your environment to suit you better in quitting and also doing activities such as exercise, meditation, rewiring, socializing, time in nature etc. to replace the dopamine loss during rebooting phase and rewire your brain.

Porn Addiction / Re: Addicted to Porn: Chasing the Cardboard Butterfly
« on: October 04, 2019, 12:08:49 PM »
Anyone who hasn't and is feeling a lack of motivation needs to watch the documentary Addicted to Porn: Chasing the cardboard butterfly. It is at once informative and heartbreaking. Despite it's age it's actually fairly up-to-date I'd say. It's available for free on youtube.
thanks man i hope its not like some movie someone here shared about sex addiction "thanks for sharing" is called where i could see fucking nipples and assess.

can you confirm there are no triggers in this documentary? like flashing porn images to tell you its bad to look at them?  ???

Porn Addiction / Re: UK Government To Ban Access to Porn?
« on: October 02, 2019, 05:02:16 PM »
If you feel uncomfortable that I'm firmly against a porn ban based on the reasons above, then fine.

nobody mentioned porn ban (on this forum or the law you mentioned). you are tripping. you wrote all that to prove that you are firmly against a ban of porn? what a waste of time. you need to reboot and rewire.

this is not even proper topic on this forum if you want to talk internet censorship and whats beginning of it (if it starts with age verification for porn use).

nobody under 18 should be lawfully able to use porn. that would be absoulutely awesome and even if its impossible to do (like with alcohol), just trying to do it would decrease it and that alone is great achievement compared to simply clicking ,,yes im 18 or over,, before porn use.

Porn Addiction / Re: UK Government To Ban Access to Porn?
« on: October 01, 2019, 03:21:53 PM »
Why you feel uncomfortable about age verification method being implemented? You have to be 18 or over to watch porn anyway.

I would feel blessed if they blocked porn in my country for underage even though Im an adult. It would mean I have to print my ID and send a photo of it or some shit like that to verify my age. Thats one more step to relapse. Any extra step can be a blessing, an opportunity to think again about what you are doing.

Yeah I know there will always be ways to access porn but why is it uncomfortable for you to make access to porn harder? Adults can still watch it if they want.

We would be living in less pornified environments if government was making sure porn is being used only by adults. You know how great that can be for everyone? Its little uncomfortable to know that someone on nofap is little uncomfortable with age verification methods for internet porn being implemented...

Ages 20-29 / Re: JJJJ
« on: September 28, 2019, 02:03:40 PM »
i want to summarize and add 1 more thing. maybe even the most important thing that i left out of my list of to do list.

1. no alcohol
2. learn something new every day
3. get outside of my comfort zone every day
4. limit pc/phone use
5. daily exercise
6. cook/prepare own food every day
7. daily meditation
8. daily cleaning
9. write and follow to do list daily
10. AND #10 let go of self hatred and love myself each and every day. take many mini breaks throughout the day to let go of hate and love myself right here right now, as i am and because i am this way. i despise myself, thats the big and everyday issue i have in my life.

i did not had this list before writting this journal so its good outcome. i did knew i had to do many extremely difficult things at once consistently if i want to quit. no baby steps or im gone.

Ages 20-29 / JJJJ
« on: September 28, 2019, 01:34:26 PM »
    I haven't tried journaling in months. Here I am one more time.

    Today I relapsed. True belief of not being able to quit masturbation and porn crossed my mind again today. It rarely crosses my mind, even though I relapse and struggle for the last 5 years. I always get back to hope that its possible for me to finally quit. Hope to quit started to feel like another path for relapse. Not every day relapses but every day up to every week or even sometimes 2 or 3 weeks streaks.

    I'm confused. This is not just quitting porn, this is something I always failed to do or avoided to do. I always looked at achieving something to be series of small steps. That's how I got myself fit. I did not started running 5x per week. I started with brisk walking. Few years later I ran a half marathon. Starting with brisk walk and unable to run more than few hundred meters, I ended up running half marathon. This addiction seems to take too much away from me at once. I'm struggling and suffering for 5 years now. Its constant struggle with very few breaks. Seems like I have to make bunch of changes really quickly and immediately. Doing something small or step by step is not gonna make me quit porn. Not after 5 years at least. I'm hardcore addict btw. I have strong PIED although its not as strong to prevent me from erection when I'm PMOing. PIED and erections at all (spontaneous, morning wood etc.) are the absolute least of my concerns. The lack of everything mental and emotional is my main suffering... But its caused by physical changes on the brain so it got its physical element to it. 

    I don't know what I'm gonna do. I do know though that I have to take drastic measures. There are no baby steps with this. Where do I find strength, courage and energy to take big steps and stick with them? I have no idea.

    After 5 years of relapsing I discovered these things that I must do personally, that are big big big and impossible steps to take all at once and for 3-4 months consistently (daily).

    -No alcohol at all. No birthdays, new years eves, nothing religious, no party, no beer fest nothing at all. No reason to drink, no hanging out or everybody drinking around me. Nothing is a bait for alcohol. This alone to do for 3-4 months is impossible, I never did it in the last 10 years.

    -Learning something new every day. I don't remember when I intentionally looked up to learn something new. I use internet daily and still I learn something new only when I stumble upon it, I must or I have strong passion to learn it. I think this is very good for the brain physically and its lingering in my mind that I should learn at least 1 new thing every single day of my life or at least during reboot.

    -This one is also impossible. Even more impossible than not drinking for 4 months. I must get outside of my social comfort zone, every single day. I must get comfortable with girls, or rather very very very uncomfortable. I must approach at least 5 girls every day and try to have any type of contact with them. I must replace porn with real girls. It may lead to rewiring, it may lead to a intimate relationships but for the start I must replace porn with any type of real offline contact with real girls.

    -Being extremely aware of all my PC and phone use, every single time (daily). I must use internet very specifically even if it is for entertainment. Watching UFC fights is okay, recording video games is okay but just wondering aimlessly on youtube is total NO. I wonder online and it always leads to triggers and just pure exposure to constant novelty that is same with porn use.

    -Daily exercise. I do exercise from time to time. I will never get out of shape, I will always stay ready to run 10k but doing daily cardio and stretching is something I never done, even when I ran half marathon. People ask me how I'm so fit with so little training but its all about eating for performance. Food can be fuel even if its not healthy. Which leads to next thing I must do.

    -I MUST become a cook. There is no way I'm gonna eat clean outside or expect clean food from my family. They don't even know what is healthy food. What I eat is what I become so I must become a cook if I want to eat healthy foods and experience true health (mostly brain-wise for this reboot). Even though I really really don't like cooking.

    -Daily meditation. I must meditate daily, something I hate doing. Most of the things on this list I hate doing, some things I like but definitely don't like doing them daily. This one thing is so simple and easy but so hard and difficult to do daily. I am under no illusion that I have no time to do anything I want to do in my life so this one bothers me a lot. I hate it even though its something so beneficial and simple to do.

    -Daily cleaning. Being clean and tidy is form of meditation for monks. Clean living environment means clean mind and tidy mind. I need to clean my room, house or backyard daily to stay clean and organized in the mind. It also lets go of the ego, very interesting idea promoted by monks but I know personally that I need to be tidy and have a clean environment if I want to be tidy and clean in my head. Can't live in mess and be at peace.

    -To do list. I must have a to do list every single day and follow it. To do list can have list of things that are related to this list of things but I must have a list of things to do to be productive and on my path to recovery. I can not allow myself a free time of wondering and slipping back to my current self. [/li]

Doing ANY of these things, especially comfort zone expansion, is impossible for me to think about now.

I'm kind of glad I wrote this journal to put it into perspective. I never thought of these things in this type of list.

Ages 30-39 / Re: porn
« on: September 15, 2019, 07:32:31 AM »
instead of laying in bed you can get up and study a bit.

i know zero carb diet is trending so i guess its not a problem for reboot. it definitely sucks but people intentionally go on zero carb diets like it gets them some superpowers or something. i dont know of any supplements for reboot. reboot is pretty much cold turkey way of going on nofap. i never heard of supplements for reboot. everyone seems to just face it and if someone takes something its usually alcohol, junk food and other unhealthy stuff to make them feel something other than shit. not recommended.

you been doing porn since 1995, thats 24 years. over 2 decades, expect some consequences. its not up to you to afford or not afford them. whats up to you is how long and how deep you want to go. seems like you are in the sand over your head so its time to quit and face the music before it gets even worse. it will get worse, it always gets worse.

im sorry if i dont sound encouraging too much  ;D im trying, take my post lightly. as for advice, again, you could study something instead of laying down in bed all night long. and dont make yourself so special in this, its making things harder in your head. ton of other people experience insomnia. insomnia or disturbed sleep is common withdrawal symptom. its normal and expected, nothing special. it affects ton of students, workers, parents, partners etc. it fucks you up whatever you are trying to do. i seen ton of people losing 20-30 years marriages, careers etc. your life will suffer in order to reboot. thats the name of the game, thats the truth. reboot is going to break you down and count to 10. if you dont get up, you are back to square 1 but with worse circumstances. thats how you got yourself in this spot. it always gets worse.

Ages 20-29 / Re: Quitting porn to rewire brain
« on: September 10, 2019, 06:51:45 PM »
Would I be able to engage in any sexual related activities with my girlfriend during my recovery process?
your thinking about sexual related activity may be all orgasm related. that may be a problem but rewiring is highly recommended (eye contact, holding hands, touching, kissing, cuddling etc.).

if you are experiencing PIED related problems, limit Oing during sex to just once in 1-2 weeks until you feel better. this way you will be better if you keep the nofap lifestyle.

Teens / Re: Orgasms with real girls
« on: September 05, 2019, 04:52:02 PM »
I mean like handjobs and oral sex, is that okay? And thank you for answering
its okay... try to give something back  :) :D 8)

Porn Induced Erectile Dysfunction/Delayed Ejaculation / Re: Morning wood
« on: September 05, 2019, 07:29:00 AM »
Hi, I need some info from you guys...
I started watching porn long time ago and I'm 25 now. I am addicted and recently I started watching more hardcore porn because that was the only way to 'finish'. My question for you is, can too much hardcore porn and masturbation cause my morning wood to disappear and can abstinence from pmo lead to getting my morning wood back?
More info: I had never had a girlfriend and I had sex just one time but my erection was going hard and soft and after almost an hour I did not ejaculate, maybe it was ED or just stress because it was my first time...
yes morning wood is known to disappear during porn addiction and come back during reboot, although its not a sign that you are fully rebooted.

 in your case i would bet that porn addiction is the reason behind your DE (delayed ejaculation) and inability to finish. now you need more hardcore shit to finish even with porn. i would bet its porn induced ED or DE that you experienced.

Porn Addiction / Re: Reboot Roadmap
« on: September 05, 2019, 05:39:01 AM »
one time i was 8 months on nofap. it was my first time. i was 21 and i lost the ability to have sex (PIED). i was so frightened i did not experienced a single craving and i relapsed just because i separated from my sex partner for 3 weeks (started masturbating as an alternative for sex), so i dont even count those 8 months because i cant replicate that fear now that i know things will get better if i reboot.

i agree with you, im 17 days today. for me too, around 40-45 days is brutal. its like you gotta be a little nuts to go through that. seriously evaluated as little off the chart here and there. i dont know whats after that but whatever it is, unless its even stronger cravings, it can only get better.

Porn Addiction / Re: Dreams Complicate My Life
« on: September 05, 2019, 05:28:22 AM »
Anyone else have porn dreams during the first few weeks of a reboot? I've been having them repeatedly lately. Always the same deal: I either get the urge to look at porn or look at porn in my dreams and fight with myself to stop from getting off to it. This actually has me mostly pleased. On one hand, it's proof that my brain is desperately responding to my sobriety and the rewiring has begun. On the other hand, it seems as though that quitting porn has become so hard-wired into my subconscious at this point that I fight like hell to resist the stuff even when sleeping.
yeah it happens to me too, every time. i also fight but sometimes i lose. feels so good to wake up after a loss  ;D i wake up motivated for rematch  ;D

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