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Messages - yeo786

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Ages 20-29 / I want my zest and life back
« on: November 24, 2014, 02:21:37 PM »
Hello guys
After a lot of research and will power, I've decided to join the forum
I do hope to find a lot of insight and motivation here now that I'm a user

I'm 22 years old from South Africa, Cape Town, I'm indian, currently an IT student. I love cars, tech, computers, i am an MJ enthusiast also ;D
I am quite shy but open up to people i know. Every single girlfriend I have had was met through some form of social media, be it facebook, mxit, wechat, you name it.
On average, i masturbate 1ce a day, prone, to porn, Facebook images(i know, disgusting!), old sexual experiences,  and a few years ago recently it started becoming gay porn aswell
I usually wank before i go to sleep at night or in the mornings when i wake up with morning wood. I do find that if i do not sleep after ejaculation for atleast an hour my body goes into some sort of limp mode where i feel lathargic, highly unmotivated and not interested in anything.

So lemme begin
I started making use of pornography when I was 13. At the time I was not masturbating, because I didn't know how to and my libido and hormones were all over the place but I sure did love porn on my cellphone, when I was in 8th Grade i was caught by a teacher for watching porn on my cellphone in class lol

Anyways, at the age of 15 I started masturbating to porn. Now this is where things started going south(no pun intended). I developed a liking for prone masturbation. Yup, rubbing the dick on the bed. I also had gotten myself a girlfriend, my 1st girlfriend(she was a total slut and 16). At this point in my life my sexual vigour was incredible. However, we never had sex, just a hell of a lot of foreplay etc. We went out for 3months and she dumped me, however, we never had sex.
It may be good to note that majority of the times I had masturbated to orgasm was via phone sex
After the relationship I had a few flings with a few girls and that was it, and you guessed it, no sex
Later that year I met a girl who I would date for 1.5years. She was amazing, beautiful, smart, funny and decent. Our "sexual life" was quite good. Because she was also muslim, at such a young age she never wanted to have sex, so like you guessed, I never had sex with her. At this point in my life I'm still a virgin... So, everytime we used to "do shit" i would go home with an aching dick and blueballs and wank myself to a massive orgasm. I used to do this with just thoughts, like, if we ever had to have sex. At this point in my life my sexual stamina is still 100% and my erections are steel
Over time, I did get extremely sexually frustrated. My porn usage had also escalated
This carried on going all the way to 2010, my 1st year at University where I got extremely bored and female hungry. I cheated on my long term girlfriend, and i had made it public. Needless to say, I still hadn't had sex
Until later on that year a chick I had known from school invited me over one afternoon
Now, this is where the shit starts.
This chick was in the same grade/class as my ex. Ive longed to bang her and get with her, from the time I can 1st remember seeing her in school. When we reached that point to have sex, I couldn't. Not because of guilt, not because of what I was doing was wrong, it was because I couldnt get a stiff one. Yup, my dick was limp, and she was dissappointed as fuck. I was dissappointed as fuck. I mean, this was my 1st time having sex, and I couldnt deliver the goods! Wtf was wrong with me! We did attempt sex with my limpness, but i had failed. I couldnt even penetrate her. I used the excuse that i was nervous and anxious because she's my ex-girlfriends friend

Obviously my ego was shattered badly, but I didn't give up
Into 2nd year of university and a beautiful hot chick from our partner university on facebook invites me over to her house.
Well, at this point, I did take into consideration that the masturbating might be interefering with my hard-ons, so i went a full 7days without edging or masturbating before I had visited her(hardest 7 days of my life, my erections were mad strong too)
Lemme make it short. I come over, we talk, play games, kiss, she gives me the greatest head ive ever had(this with a strong erection) and we go to her bed to fuck but my dick has gone limp again. Its already about 1hour from the time we kissed. She tries everything, sucking me again, giving me handjobs and even tit fucking. But nothing. My dick couldn't deliver. I didn't understand what the hell was wrong with me, and neither could she. She was SMOKING hot, and goddam was she experienced.

In 2014 i met a girl on wechat and we had a few dates. she was quite nice and sweet also. So on the 3rd date, I have her over at my house and 1 thing leads to another. I never had a problem for the 1st 10minutes, I slided my manhood into her and there. We were having sex. Finally. And it dam felt great. Too bad a few minutes later it had slid out and gone limp again. At this point the girl was very accomadating and understanding, so we had a nap under the sheets for a while until i couldn't stand the fact that her soft, smooth silky legs were rubbing against my dick. |So we went at it again, felt like 10min or so and boom i ejaculate. I was literally seconds from making her orgasm, but i came 1st :(. Please note, this is the 1st time a girl has ever made me ejaculate in person

From here on till around now I've been prone masturbating almost every single day. Sometimes to a point of sexual exhaustion, where if i found myself with an erection(even partially) i wanked with small ejaculations
Ofcourse theyve been like 3 or 4days at a time where I'd take a break and see the benefits but a super hard on will come outta nowhere and id relapse.

A lot of girls have told me that I am moody. It makes sense because after a while after ejaculation you get this sad down feeling, and i used to take it out on them.
Currently, Im in a bad state. Today, ive had no erections. Nope. None. I dont talk to girls as much, my facebook life isn't the same as it was(girls used to flock and talk to me). I have only a few female friends and thats through college and family friends etc
Anyway, my life feels fucked up. I do not feel motivated, empowered, masculine, or the least bit confident. I give myself abit of a push in the mornings to talk to chicks at campus but that rarely happens. I cant even connect with chicks in general. You leave me alone with a girl, I dunno what the hell to say and in a few minutes she'll want to go away.

I stay alone with my sister and we share an apartment, no parents, my mom stays nearly 2000km away and my dad passed away in 2010
I know, awesome right? Not so awesome if you're me
I stay in a district where there's students everywhere. I look at girls and think OMFG and thats about as far as id ever go. I feel useless and if another guy was in my position he'd be getting laid almost every single day

Prone masturbation has screwed me up even literally
the LHS shaft of my dick feels abit rugged and rough(due to the prone wanking on this side), the other side is smooth and normal
I've also noticed my dick has become curved more and more over the years to the right.
The base also feels weak, and my dick feels as if it is "twisted" to the left, like this slash \

I definitely know im not gay/bi because i tried acting on this by "hooking up" with 2 tranny like guys but I felt absolutely nothing and uncomfortable so i just left it

So, thats my story. Any help/advice is appreciated. Ill be keeping this journal updated daily

Cheers :)

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